How to stop drinking

[Mel]

Hey everybody - welcome back Milie and Marianna!! And, wow, Beth ... I came to post an oh-so-similiar funny not funny story. Sorry that I've not been posting - first week of school busy busy busy.

It has been a hard week, not gonna deny it. Two nights ago (Thursday = my Friday), I gave in. I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of nice red wine. I was walking back home, turned a corner and inexplicably the bottle flew out of my hands and smashed on the pavement. There was a crowd: 'what you gonna do?' we should get this glass up, and one nice old lady who was like 'sweetie, if you need to go back and get another for your party - go ahead, we'll start the cleanup.'

Um, party of one? One sad, stressed, anxious person who was going to drink all of that and not share with anyone? You are going to clean up my mess? I don't think so - I mumbled something, said thanks but no thanks, cleaned up the mess as best I could and then went straight home. I learned a lesson about how awesome my new neighborhood is and when something (inside of you or outside of you) says 'unh-unh, what are you thinking'. Okay, promise to be more on top of posting ...

[Mairianna10]

Hi Millie, yes I'm back!! Thought I could manage on my own but it became worse than ever.

[bdog]

Smashing bottles has to be a sign. When my ex and I parted ways I went right to the liquor store and bought a couple of bottles of vodka, the way out the door I slipped on ice and broke them in front of a big crowd. I picked the bag up put it in my car and drove to another liquor store for more. My car was a mess for weeks. Almost a week sober now and feeling good again. Even on a football Sunday, its just not worth it to feel bad and tomorrow I wont be pacing around wondering why I cant concentrate at work.

[samovar]

OK i was slipping there for a bit but not TOO bad; I kept it at home at least. As of Sept 3 labor day I am back on track, so makes this day 7. I have found counting days to be very dangerous in itself because the milestones make me relapse -- but to each his own on that issue. School is back in (I am a grad student) and I find myself genuinely excited about my dissertation research. Gonna set an alarm in the morning and get up and get to work ... have not done that in a while! Thanks everyone for your posts and paying attention to mine. I have done better than usual while participating here.

[Millie]

Day 5.... Good start. Fortunately, I feel fine.

[Mairianna10]

Coming to the end of Day 1 and I know I will not drink! Will probably not sleep much but I will be happier than I have been for many months tomorrow morning. I've been reading through some back posts off and on today to keep me sober. Thank you all.

[Mairianna10]

Sorry Mel, should have acknowledged your posting too. Yes I'm back. Good to be here. The beast dragged me down for some time and it was so bad some days I don't know how I'm still here. Swigging straight from the bottle, drinking anything I could get my hands on, hiding my supply, but with your guys' support I'm determined to add up my days again. I've wasted so much of my life. It has to be sobriety - I know that.

[STEW]

Hello folks, This is my first post and where to start? Well ive wakened up this morning and once again im regretting the night before, my initial thought was to get back on it and block everything out then let my usual negative mind kick in and convey all those debilitating messages of poor me, im right and their all wrong etc.. Ive been drinking for over twenty years now and have decided to finally give it up. Its brought me nothing but unhappiness ranging from the breakup of my marriage two years ago, i used to drink to cope with the fact I never totally loved my ex and lied to myself and her infact I only realised the feeling of true love when my son was born three years ago. I know its going to be hard to quit as ive turned to the booze whenever a situation arises that isnt to my liking and it then manifests into bingeing periods where i push away all those close to me and travel on my road to self destruction . blackouts, arguments, jealously resentment, forgetfulness and many more traits that basically make me this total jeckle & hyde character. Im going to struggle as i do have alot of time on my hands and especially at night as i would normally go to my local pubs for company and of course to get myself blitzed. I am of shy character and so over the years i abused alcohol as a way of being a more sociable person whereas i have become the complete opposite of that. Over the years I would have to drink more and more before i would be able to have the confidence to interact with others and if it was someone i liked from the opposite sex then i could only chat with her when i was too bladdered and at that point i would'nt make any sense at all. Nows the time to be booze free live healthier and spend as much time possible with my son

[Millie]

Welcome Stew.
Joining this forum is a great first step. You will find lots of support on here. I have a 3yo too, and he and his sister are my main reasons why I want to kick alcohol to the curb once and for all. No question, though, it is easier said than done. I am inspired by the senior members on here that joined the forum around same time I did and have successfully abstained for over a year. They are proof it is possible!!

[Millie]

Mel, thanks for the welcome back. I am so glad you are back posting, too.

Juliet,
I was glad to see your post, too.

Sam and Ryan,
Where are you????

Other old friends lurking but not posting???? Please come back!

John, I've got to get my butt in gear and start the challenge, first. lol. Tough to get started when you are as out of shape as I.

[Ange]

Hi all! I've been following this forum for quite some time and I'd like to thank you all for your inspiring stories. Welcome to you Stew, this really is a wonderful and supportive place to be. I used to be on this forum under the alias "Rosella", but now I've decided to be accountable and use my real name. That and I'd forgotten my password, it had been so long!! I had the most success at staying sober when I regularly came here and now I need you guys again. I went to the extreme of going to a doctor who specialized in addiction problems and went on medication. Needless to say it didn't work. I've come to realize that mine is very much a problem in my mind and it's that alcoholic voice I have to tame. This time I have managed to get to two weeks sober which is a milestone for me. It did help that I've been suffering from a terrible bout of the flu for a week so now that I'm starting to feel better things will get a little dangerous. I feel 2 weeks ago I got to an absolutely desperate stage and I feel it's now or never. I too have 2 young girls, 3 and 8, and they need me of sound mind! So here I am, once again, determined. I wish you all well. xx

[Millie]

Ange, welcome back. I feel like we are all lost sheep finding our way home. Lol. I definitely remember you. I believe you said you chose the name Rosella from a local bird in your area. I love birds and remember googling them to see what they look like. It is going to take me awhile to get used to your name change. I still think of john as Mr. Smit. Lol.

Today starts my day 6, so you are a week or so ahead of me.

I hope other old folks come back and new folks join too. I like this forum best when it is very acfive.

[Kimmy]

Welcome back Millie , Marianna and Ange..hello Stew. I don't post a lot but I check in almost daily, seeing you all back reminds me how I can't let my guard down of a minute. On day 163, will be 6 months oct 1. I find some days I am very irritable and it lasts for a little while. I think it has to due with having no release as I also quit smoking May 7th. Néed to get back to gym it helps with releasing stress..lol. But coming here everyday helps keep things in perspective..for me I don't know I would do if I didn't have all of you here.. Have a great day everyone..

[bdog]

Welcome Stew, Good to see again so many back. Ange, Mairianna10, Mel, Kimmy over 100days Wow!. and Millie great to read your stuff and you and me again are very close today is day 7 for me and again I feel good at work after a sober weekend. Its so hard what we go thru but its so worth it not to drink!!!

[STEW]

Thanks for the courteous greetings bdog, Kimmy, Ange and Millie. Im sure i will get to know you guys in the near future! While at work today Ive been trying to convince myself how I can remain strong enough to stay sober and not fall back into my old habits of needing a drink every day to block out my reality..

[Kip]

Hi friends, happy Monday.... Stew, welcome to the forum. It's a really good place. I've yet to be anything but inspired every time i log on and read about others and their struggles.. and then realize the tragedies some can go through sober while i let the slightest trigger affect me. Just being here, reading, participating, is a good start on a road of recovery and high awareness. Best of luck for success....

[Mairianna10]

Hi again bdog, Rosella (Ange), and Kimmy.

Day 2 almost done! Once I'm past the danger time of 7pm I'm usually OK. Was so good to go to work today and not keep my head down/avoid people incase someone suspected. Didn't sleep much more than an hour but even with that didn't feel so bad as usual in the morning. Was good not to worry about my licence too.

Welcome Stew, this is a great place for support. It's time to start living.

Just going to register my days until I get past the weekend and then I can hopefully feel confident to give advice. Nite

[Ange]

Thanks for the welcome back. Millie, it's funny how you mentioned getting used to the name changes- it took me a while to get used to Bill Smit going to his real name, John. How long ago was that??? Makes me realize how long I've been trying to conquer this.
The best I did back when I started here was 30 days and I was so proud with myself that I celebrated with a glass of champagne!! I won't be making that mistake again!
Kimmy, you're an inspiration! Nearly 6 months! That's quite incredible and you should be so proud of yourself. I'm determined to get there this time, one day at a time.
Stew, I think you mentioned the extra time you'll have with no drinking. I've found in this last 2 and a half weeks I've had so much more time. In previous attempts I've tried to fill that time by squeezing in as much activity that I could, this time I'm just chilling a little more and enjoying it. It's actually nice. So far, so good, anyway. I don't want to get too ahead of myself. I know how quickly it can all change.

[Millie]

Good morning. Today is day 7. One week. Time flies when you are having fun. Lol
I found a great blog "crying out now" where folks can submit their stories of addiction and recovery and others can comment. Reading through some last night and this morning, I was surprised at how similar many of the stories are to mine. Too much wine at night definitely seems to be a common theme and common problem for women. Before, I used to describe my problem with alcohol as just a bad habit: I don't drink all day, I can quit for a time pretty easily with no withdrawal symptoms harsher than fatigue, etc. I think that is why, after a period of sobriety, I slowly start to convince myself that I can drink "normally.". The truth is, to be honest with myself, I have NEVER been able to drink normally. If I drink any, I am at risk of drinking too much. End of story. I am not sure who on here said "one glass is too much and 100 not enough.". That is my story in a nut shell.

No question, I have already drunk my lifetime quota. No need to drink any more. Plus, I have more experiences under my belt after being on this forum for over a year... Days sober v. Days drinking and the days sober win hands down. It is so nice not to worry about what I said or did the night before....so nice to not worry whether I can drive home after night out with friends, so nice to wake up feeling fine.

I had a dream last night where I took a sip of wine. Boy was I relieved to wake up and realize it was just a dream. I know others on here have mentioned dreaming about drinking. Weird experience.

Talking about name changes...sober peter and dreamweaver, where are you? Sober peter, I think I saw that you popped in to leave message for Kimber. Why don't you post. I hope you are doing ok.

[Millie]

Wow, when I wrote my post earlier, it hadn't yet hit me that today is 9-11. My heart is heavy remembering that dreadful day.