How to stop drinking

[Midwest Sue]

After reading about PAWS, I realize why keeping a journal in the early weeks was so important to me.
1. It gave me a place to put all of my random feelings
2. It helped me organize my scattered brain. I would use it to remind myself of the simplest things that I knew I would forget. What I did today, what I need to do, things I need to buy, how much money I spent, what I ate, etc. It kept me grounded in reality when years of habitual behavior was unravelling.

I rarely use it now, but it was a lifeline for me. My advice to those starting out: grab a simple notebook that you can keep with you all the time, and start writing.

[kevin2]

Good morning all, just checking in. The word for today......Relax. Something I know I can't and don't do. Alcohol was my relaxation and now I must find other alternatives. Ken, great articles. You have diagnosed me and it didn't cost me a thing! What do I owe you? PAWS is me to a T. This has been my whole adult life. The articles give me hope that I can now begin to change and find the life to live happy. I am determined to find ways to enjoy relaxing without the alcohol.
Eric, great visual and great statement about continuing to drink after seeing that.
Ww43, thank you for the encouragement. It feels good. Just remember I started this journey in January. It has taken me that long to find the tools I needed. I am always here to go another 30 days with you....Are we starting day 4?
Priscilla, I agree to at least count the first 30 days. You need to really commit. I not only found that my mind was complete mush but the depression seriously took control of me. Alcohol was/ is the leading contributor for that depression.
Kevin, I am so happy for you....and your beautiful kids. That is a tremendous success and I am sure wasn't that easy....now reward yourself with some relaxation.....not alcohol meditate or have your wife give you a massage
Love and Peace to you all

Thanks Beth I really appreciate that. I don't have time to post alot right now but I do want to say that for the last 5 to 10 years I honestly thought I suffered from clinical depression,..and/or anxiety disorder etc. I went to my Dr. a few times about it, but just thought it was something I was going to have to deal with for life. It wasn't just awful, blatent, isolating depression,..but just an inability to experience any joy and happiness doing the normal things in life that any "normal" person would love and enjoy,..I always felt like I had to fake it and trudge on. That's the big lie/trick that alcohol plays,...it's a jealous lover and doesn't like competition of any kind. I was perscribed medication of course and took it regularly,..while still continuing to drink as always,..against the advice of the Dr. and the warnings on the side of the bottle. Meds of course didn't help much and probably made it worse in alot of ways. It's hard to explain but since I quit drinking in early Dec. 2011,..any depression has slowly gone away and now doesn't exist. I only take about 1/3 of the pill I've taken for years (Lexapro) and problably wont' take it much longer,...I don't need it. The fact is, I never did,..my depression was never really there,..it was self-induced from drinking and the guilt and grind that is alcoholism. I've thought alot about this recently,..and I honestly wonder how many of us (and society in general) are caught up in this same lie/cycle. It's like a dog chasing it's tale. Does this speak to anyone else?

[tinabela]

Hi all! Day 8 here. On my way out the door to the Farmers Market and trying real hard to stay focused and not get drawn off to doing this and that before I go. That's been a habit of mine. I get sidetracked and then stress because I'm running late. So a quick note to wish you all well. We can do this! Kevin, I have the same issue with the anxiety and depression. Now that I'm not drinking I'm gaining the ability to not 'think ahead' of all the things to be done during the day (errands, stops, running into people). My mind already has me at 5:30 wondering if I should go to my meditation group. Those are the things that trip me up. I like to just go with the flow, that's what works best for me otherwise I can get into trouble. So, easy does it, right? I have an appointment with my doctor next month to renew my Zoloft prescription (I've been taking 25 mg for the last 15 years). I'm going to think on that one, since I'm not drinking and keeping a more peaceful lifestyle, well, maybe I'm ready to come off the meds. I'll keep check and see how I'm feeling. I definitely know this time to not go cold turkey though. It was a mess the last time I tried that. Talk about fried, unlinear brain scramble!
Wash those sheets, Priscilla! I like that idea. I do the same thing and sprinkle essential oil on my pillow! Yesterday I found myself getting irritated at the blowing wind. I paused, thought better of it and decided to sit out in it and visualize it blowing my past regrets off of me.
Gotta run, cyber hugs to everyone!

[Mel]

Day 5, here we go. I got up this morning and went to the gym - I'm feeling really achy and bloated. Which helps me stay mindful about why I/we do not-should not-will not drink. Good luck, Priscilla with the end of term - that is always a bad bad time for me, I make excuses that I 'neeeeed' to drink to get through it and, what would you think really happens - it is usually a mess and a half. There are a lot of goodbyes happening now with my friends and so another 'party' at a local bar. I'm pretty good about being able to say no (or, at least, that was true in the past) and this place has awesome food. So, I'm thinking special ginger ale with a slice of lime and a wood-fired pizza ... bacon, apple and brie?

[Midwest Sue]

Kevin,
Your post about depression speaks loudly to me.
I've been on 20 mg daily of fluoxetine (Prozac) for over 10 years. Yep, taking it while drinking, against medical advice, since drinking is a depressant and basically cancels out the meds.

I've also wondered if it's time now to stop the medication. I won't do it cold turkey, or course, but I have an annual physical scheduled in a few weeks. I never told my doctor how much I drank. She thought I was the model of moderation in all things based on what I told her. I also never followed up with a complete blood workup because I was afraid to find out how my drinking affected my health. Better to keep my head in the sand.

At my upcoming visit I'll let her know how much better I feel without alcohol and perhaps make a plan for tapering off the meds. I am now anxious to know how all my blood tests come out, so I'll go in for a blood draw prior to the appointment so we can finally talk about my health from an honest and informed place.

[tinabela]

You got it Sue! Same story here. My counselor said to go see my doc and be honest about the drinking. How can I get better if I'm not truthful? Thanks for the advice on bloodwork too!
Mel, your meal sounds awesome...woodfired pizza. Yum! Note to self: Must remember to eat and drink lots of water. I'm going to pick up some Volcano lemon juice to add to my water for some good detox.
Just read a short daily quip from a book I've had hanging around for years... "Each Day A New Beginning" - Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey. It's a Hazelden publication (sorry guys, but it can apply to you too).
Alright, really out the door. I managed to get myself ready without too much anxiety (what a chore!) and am running ahead of schedule. Wahooo!

[Midwest Sue]

Oh - the other reason I never went in for bloodwork? You have to fast, including no alcohol, for 12 hours prior. "Stop drinking at 9 pm? I don't think so." Sheesh.

[kevin2]

WW43,..I'd bet we would all be shocked at how common this is with those of us here,..and all over the place really, it seems like depression has become the new "epidemic" and the treatment of it is a gold-mine for the drug manufacturers,..and the Dr.s (most) will perscribe them like Skittles. Not to downplay depression at all,..it's VERY real, or the new medications as I know several people who really benifit from them. I was guilty,..as I'm sure tons of people are,..of mistaking the early and then later stages of alcoholism and the guilt, stress, anxiety etc that comes with it.,..with depression, rather than realizing I was causing it myself with drinking and it was snowballing day after day. It's crazy and it creeps up on you so slowly you don't even realize it's happening.

[Kip]

hello friends.... hope everyone is getting/got through hump day this week... sounds like a few of us had real struggles over the long weekend. i sure did... not really equipped to be sober then.. but i can't wait to get home tonite, drink lots of water, play with crazy dogs and crash with a good book... so i'm feeling fine about making it through to Friday.

the recent discussion on depression is quite interesting... i too medicated using Lexapro... finally quit after a couple of years because it was expensive and didn't seem to do anything but, hey, i don't have a leg to stand on as that extra cash could go you-know-where.. and anyway it wasn't wise to mix it with alcohol.... i'm just wondering if there are more holistic ways to manage depression.... by the way, read an interesting book last year that made a case for not always being happy or striving to be... it was very interesting and made me realize that there is a deeper happiness, or peace if you will, in the thoughtful observance of the world without expecting it to make one happy... it's not to make light of depression at all because it can be debilitating, but to recognize that there is more to a contemplative life that a constant happy state.. i may be be babbling here... it just puts me in the "here and now" mindset. no regret or fretting over the past. no worry about the future. awake at the wheel... man, that is difficult.

Kevin2, what a great story.. very inspiring as you explained how much you could do when you weren't burdened by alcohol.... i was thinking of that the other day and had a fond memory of something i did as a teenager and prior to drinking. wow, there were good times in sobriety if i just wade through the the fog in between then and now. then, oddly, i watched my dogs act happy and realize they seem fine without anything extra. dogs rock. unconditional love defined. and talk about here and now - i don't think they have any concept of past and future.

for my early sobriety friends, say less than a week, do you guys feel really tired at the end of the day..? i sure do... i run about 4 days a week, cycle on weekends, and stay quite active but when i string together about 4 days clean the fatigue really sets in...of course, it does after drinking as well... i just plod my way through a long run and wonder where the energy went.. maybe this is a withdrawl symptom of sorts... not to mention waking up at night soaking wet, etc..... i was also reading some liver disease symptoms today at lunch and a few of those gave me a shudder. like some of you have said, i'm too scared/stubborn to take the next step, figuring if i can just stop drinking it will right itself. yet, i'm not so sure....

off to close out the workday and head home...have a good evening and friends across oceans i hope you are sleeping/slept well...kip

[Ken1]

If you are feeling rundown, you might want to consider supplements. I know drinking depletes B vitamins, vitamin D and others; you can always have your doctor test you and see what they recommend. At a minimum you might want to consider a good multivitamin and cleaning up your diet. I am not an MD so please do your own research. I agree with John, you might feel run down for up to a month. According to the PAWS info, the symptoms may come and go for up to two years.

Priscilla, hope you ace your test tonight!

Kevin, I'm with you in that Dr's over prescribe anti-depressants. My doctor tried to talk me into taking them to help with my blood pressure! I told him I only have high blood pressure when they make me sit in that tiny room with no window or air for an hour and a half waiting on him. Here's something to think about: http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/Development.../ucm114848.htm

[JacquieC]

Hello All, been away for a bit but come back today and have just spent the last hour going through all the PAWS info. It is great, thanks for recommending it Ken1. So glad to see new faces and the old ones spotted in between. Today is day 144 for me. How is everyone else going. We should be racking up some good numbers from a few people. How is everyone feeling today? Its a beautiful sunny cold day in Adelaide, the type of day that makes you glad to be alive and sober!!!!!

Hang in there guys, it gets easier.
Jacquie

[donnallama]

Hello, everyone. I'm new to this forum (posted a couple of times on a less-well-traveled thread) and also new to sobriety (in my 4th week).

I'm in my late 40s. Have imbibed alcohol for most of my adult life, daily for the past 15 years. Have worried about it for 10 years and tried to stop for the last few years. Not many sober days in those 15 years.

I've been reading your posts and am grateful for the wisdom and experience I find there. I have a question for you all --

I seem to be sitting on a powder keg of resentment and anger. I've been bickering with some people in my life. I've broken w/a few people I've been close to for a long time. These aren't drinking buddies, but they are anger & resentment & living-in-the-past buddies. They are also people who say I don't have a problem with alcohol and should just enjoy my wine and stop worrying so much. (apparently I'm angry)

I expected to be tender and hyper-sensitive for the first month (or the first few?!). But this feels different. It has finality and weight. I wonder if I'm in the right frame of mind to decide on these relationships now. Any thoughts?

-Donna

[carol]

Here's something I found about the fatigue. One possibility mentioned is dehydration, so it wouldn't hurt to drink more (non-alcoholic of course!) fluids.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/alcoh...xtreme-fatigue

I drank heavily for a long time, and I'm older, and I was tired for a long time after I stopped. Part of the reason also might be I used alcohol to keep me going when I was tired rather than acknowledging that I was tired. Hang in there, this does get better, and I know a lot of people had a lot of energy far sooner than I did. I really like ww43-Julie's pregnancy-tiredness analogy - we're creating new life: ours! So of course we're tired, it takes energy to create.

donnallama, first congratulations on being in your 4th week - that's huge! Try not to burn too many bridges if you can. Once I stopped sedating myself, EMOTIONS flooded in big time. Crying, anger way out of proportion to the precipating event, etc. It takes a while for things to settle down to "normal" (ha, ha, if there is such a thing). But that doesn't mean you can't stay away from people who threaten your sobriety or who push your buttons. It's the question you pose of "deciding on these relationships". I wouldn't spend much time with these people now, if any, but maybe don't make any hard decisions on them until you have some time and perspective.

Still, yes, be angry at these people who say just keep drinking your wine! They're not doing you any favors. No need to flame them to their faces, but yes they are out of line. They have themselves invested in your drinking, and your stopping is upsetting the balance. Too bad, so sad. If they are good friends, they will adjust. If they can't adjust to having a friend who doesn't drink, what does that say about them?!

[ToddE]

Hi Donna,

Great job on 4 weeks. Since this is a new path for you, it may feel uncomfortable/unsure at times. Being cautious and taking things slow, is probably a good plan as you learn new ways for dealing with people/situations/life. You sound like a pretty sensible person. I think it is OK to trust you own thoughts on how to deal the issues you are experiencing. Some people find making pro/con lists helpful.

It's different duration for everyone, but the emotional spikes do soften in time.

Take care, Todd

[tinabela]

Perfect timing on the fatigue posts everyone! My maiden voyage into town today was good, but I am exhausted!!!! So much energy, gabbing, multiple conversations. I'm back home, alone, and let me tell you...a cold beer has been really tempting. Really tempting! I've decided to start a little fire in the wood stove since I'm chilly and crack open an organic cherry lemonade. How's that for obsession-switcheroo? Close call! And Carol's right - lots and lots of water to decrease dehydration. My lips are chapped and normally they aren't. That's a pretty good sign I'm not getting enough liquid replacement.

Congrats, Donna, on your four weeks. Todd is on it with suggesting taking it slow. And on anger...I realized yesterday, my personal issue was that I used to get really mad at people who would drop in on me when I lived in town. Why? Because they were interrupting what I hid from them - drinking. It just made me annoyed that someone would always be knocking at my door, then I would have to hide the alcohol or just not answer and feel weird about it. Even though my friends are only social drinkers, I am being careful. There are even some that I haven't returned calls or made contact with in weeks. At first I felt guilty, but now I get that I have to take care of myself first. I am not a big crier (probably due to the Zoloft) but two nights ago I had an attack of tenderness toward my boyfriend. It felt vulnerable but good.

Hi Jacquie! Bravo on 144. Right there is encouragement for all of us!

Thinking of you all. Priscilla, I'm congratulating you in advance on your testing. CeeCee, are you doing alright?

[Midwest Sue]

Donna,
I also wrestled with anger and resentment. i could hardly stand my job once I lost my daily "reward" for my sacrifice. I thought I wanted to quit, after 24 years. I wanted everything to be different. I felt that my eyes were finally open to the time I had wasted on unimportant crap. Now in my 6th month of sobriety, I'm glad I didn't make any drastic changes. Instead I learned to make the most of the things I can't or shouldn't change. The serenity prayer is popular among the recovery crowd for a good reason!

"Friends" not accepting your new status as a non-drinker -- not ok and not really friends. I say avoid them and avoid over- reacting for your own benefit. Find people who will lift you up if you can. Protect your sobriety at all costs.

[tinabela]

Me again! Want to report that 'I made it.' It was touch-and-go, quite a mental wrestling match and I really thought I might be going down. Instead, I forced myself outside in the almost dark to plant some flowers I bought today. Tomorrow morning I will take my coffee and wander outside admiring my work rather than having a hangover. I'm handswiping my forehead, breathing out in relief that I didn't slip. Now it's too late to even think about it. Sigh, another day done!
Happy zzzzzzzzzzzs.

[Beth]

Tinabela, great for you for getting past the urge to drink. They say it gets easier so I keep pushing through. To me it is just as hard as child birth to trick/ shut down my brain and not drink. Geez what a sad state......
Kevin, you always have great insight and true expression of your feelings and your thoughts. Great post. The depression side of this disease is what I have probably learned the most about. A couple years a go my friend who is a nurse suggested I see a doctor for anxiety. That sounded so much better than depression. So started the list of anti-anxiety meds. I even did clinical trials where the drugs were free and they paid me for my travel and time. I stopped all of them about a month ago. I feel that I have to stop relying on outside resources and start making an honest effort to get myself in check. Vitamins only. I will give it at least six months and see how it goes.
Sue, Thank you for the insight on your job. I am going through the anger and sick of the BS big time...... To the point I act like I want to get fired. Thanks for pointing out that I need to keep it in check. It's not as bad as my emotions are making it. Thank you!
Ww43, thank you for being my cheerleader as well. You really helped to get me where I am at today!
Well off to start my day sober.

[Midwest Sue]

Beth, the resentment of my job finally was enough for me to see a counselor. She and I figured out that I was angry because, as primary breadwinner, I worked only to pay the bills, with no other personal benefit. I had to ask my husband to carry more weight (so hard for me and my inner martyr!). I began to take more control of my free time and use some of the money I earned at my discretion. An added bonus was the extra money available from not drinking, which I also commandeered for meaningful use.

I was also honest with my boss (again, hard!) about needing help with some of the duties that were overwhelming me.

It's amazing how much weight has been lifted now that I have the courage to speak up for myself, calmly but assertively. In the past I never asked for what I needed. I relied instead on the deceptive relief found at end of each day in a bottle. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year.

Remember, friends, that your alcoholic voice is a cunning liar who will steal the best part of you, all the while convincing you that he/she is your best friend.

[Eric]

"It's amazing how much weight has been lifted now that I have the courage to speak up for myself" - Midwest Sue

You are truly an inspiration with so many good things to say. Thank you!