35 days and I blew it. Lost it before a business trip and during the trip. did and said some bad things. not sure I will have a job next week but thats the price you pay for letting IT beat you.
35 days and I blew it. Lost it before a business trip and during the trip. did and said some bad things. not sure I will have a job next week but thats the price you pay for letting IT beat you.
Hi everyone! My name is Deb and I've been thumbing thru these threads. I guess if any of us google or research how to stop drinking it signals a problem. I mean why else would we do that right? This is my first post and I'm in need of help. I've never thought I had a drinking problem. I've always drank socially (which I guess is where most of us got our start) but I've gained a lot of weight in the past few years. 30 lbs to be exact in about 3 years. I'm over 40 now and a woman so my hormones may be contributing to it also. I've been trying to lose weight SERIOUSLY for over a year now. Up and down like a damn yo yo. The amount of wine I drink is a contributing factor to this weight gain (or now weight loss). I'm finding I can't stop or it fills my thoughts. I used to have a glass or two a day as I was making dinner. But in the last 2 years we got a built in pool and I LOVE to sit out there and have my wine, read a book and sit under under my umbrella. Next thing I know, the bottle is gone. I have to get the kids from school and I have (with a VERY heavy heart) picked them up. I'm not drunk, I don't like to get drunk. You will never see me drunk. I really don't like the feeling of not being in control. So when I say I drank a bottle of wine, I mean over hours and hours. I'm def buzzed, but you get the idea. I can just drink it all day and just stay in my happy mood. Now I want sooo much to lose this weight and as I'm logging my calories for the day I am adding hundreds and hundreds of empty calories for the wine or beer. I KNOW in my head if I just stopped the weight would come off quicker. But I can't. I just don't know what to do. I'm ashamed to tell anyone. I'm ashamed to speak to my husband. so I came here. I hope those of you who have been down this road will have some words of advice. I need to stop, but there's a HUGE part of me that doesn't want to. Does that mean I will fail? Am I fooling myself? Do I need to go to rehab? I don't know if... I KNOW I can't bring myself to do that. Maybe I need to figure out WHY I drink. It's not to be the life of any party or anything, it's still just very social in my mind. I think if I told people I needed rehab they would be shocked. I just drink socially. but don't stop when everyone else goes home. I'll stay up, grab my laptop or put in a movie and have another glass. I'm not out of control, I don't stumble, my finances are perfect, no DUIs, nothing. Perfectly happy life. Maybe a bored housewife. sheeshhh... this is a long winded all over the place post. I guess that's where my thoughts are. thanks for listening
62 days and back to day 1. How frustrating. Been working through the 12 step and hit a real booger that triggered me back to old coping ways. Anybody out there try Vivitrol? Seriously thinking I need something more than just counseling and willpower at this point.
Hi everyone. Thank you for the congratulations. I did get some housework done yesterday, but it was such a nice day I went for a drive to visit a work colleague who I’ve worked with for 15 years. He and his wife recently bought a ‘fixer uperer’ house and I dropped over to say hi. They were doing some gardening and stopped for a chat with me. His wife asked if I wanted a cup of coffee, and about the same time my work colleague said he’d have a beer. He then asked me if I wanted a beer - before he remembered I wasn’t drinking. I said (about the beer) that it had been two months since I quit drinking and his wife looked at me and said ‘you’re crazy’!
She said it in a jovial way, but it highlighted the difference between me and those people who can have one or two drinks and let it be. I didn’t feel upset or anything else negative, and I had my coffee and my work colleague had his beer. To be honest, I never really liked having a beer at times like that, I’d rather have a glass of water and wait till I had finished my day and then get really hammered! I guess that’s also a difference, I drank to escape life, so one beer while gardening was pointless to me.
Anyway, I ended up going to a gardening centre with them later and I bought a range of herbs and later potted up my own herb garden. I love cooking, and I love the idea of having my own fresh herb garden to create beautiful foods.
Kip: It’s good to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing, but I was reluctant to post and ask as I didn’t want to add further pressure. You sure are right about it being a bumpy road to sobriety, so I’m pleased to hear you are hanging in there with a view to continuing your journey to sobriety. You did have quite a few days of sobriety up not that long ago (23 days I think), which I trust gave strength to know you can do it! When I first joined the forum I lasted 5 days, then 3 days, then Christmas came along, so I took a few more days to get my head around what to do. I knew I still wanted to be sober, so on 12 Jan 12, I committed to 30 days of sobriety – one day at a time! Would it be of help if I suggest to you to set yourself a goal of achieving 30 days? That way you have a defined goal to move towards and it may help when those opportunities arise. Best wishes. PS: As much as I’d love to go for a ride on my R1, I’m still paying the price for sitting around drinking as my motorcycle riding gear is too tight to comfortably ride! So, my next challenge is to lose some more weight and achieve that goal.
James: Congratulations on 108 days! That’s fantastic. It sure seems to takes a while to quieten ‘It’ down; I’ve had my own moments with ‘It’ in the last week. I think what got me through was to remember all those bad times when drinking and then to focus on the good feelings I’ve experienced since being a non-drinker. Best wishes.
Sue: Too cool – a year of not drinking! Tongue in cheek I know, but really, you are really going great (so is hubby by the sound of it). Good on you both for your progress and it sounds lovely that you can go out to a function and enjoy the event without the distraction of alcohol. By the way, I still have the ‘Quitter’ application on my mobile phone and it calculates that I have saved about $900 as of today by not drinking! Best wishes.
Bdog: 35 days is a fantastic achievement! I remember when you had difficulty just getting one weekend of sobriety. Since then you’ve had a good number of weekends under your belt. Try if you can not to feel beaten; you have the strength and determination to succeed. I trust all will work out for the best. Take care.
Dreamweaver: 62 days is a fantastic achievement! I acknowledge that it might not feel so great at the moment, but it is still 62 days of freedom nonetheless. I recall you recently posted that you were working through some aspects of life that you had previously suppressed. I know this can bring up some really difficult feelings, some of which I think can linger within us, though we may not be consciously aware of this. I’ve not heard of Vivitrol, but perhaps it is known by a different name here in Australia. I think there’s certainly no shame in utilising medication to help; my doctor prescribed me some medication to help me get through the early days and I’m thankful for that. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Take care.
Deb: Welcome to the forum and congratulations to you for posting; it takes courage to admit you have a problem with alcohol. This is a really helpful site, with lots of caring, understanding, helpful and non-judgmental people. In reply to your questions, none of us wanted to stop drinking, and as Patrick says in his articles (I suggest you read them all), to be sober we all eventually had to make the decision to stop. It does not mean you will fail, but it is my experience that you will need to reach a point that despite whether you want to drink, you will need to do something different. Dr Phil has a great saying ‘You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge!’ If you think drinking is causing a problem in your life, it definitely is! Will you need rehab? That’s not so easy to answer not knowing your level of physical dependency. There is quite a bit of material available on this site and elsewhere with respect to detox and rehab which is very informative and should help you in this regard. As was suggested to me when I first joined the forum, how about you stay sober today and come back tomorrow and post to let us know how you are doing. Remember, ‘the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step!’. Best wishes.
Best wishes to everyone. I trust you are all well and having a sober day.
Fallen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqps9ZdMxs0
From ‘Music Banter’: Fallen is about someone realizing they have made mistakes, knowing that their mistakes have caused a lifetime of hurt and pain for both themselves and others in their life. While the mistakes that were mentioned in this song were not specific, it refers to the common mistakes that nearly every body as a human will encounter at some point in their lives. Sarah McLachlan goes on to describe how she has lost friends, she has basically hit rock bottom, losing faith in being able to redeem herself, but she wants it to be known that she recognizes her mistakes and does not wish to be berated for them.
Day 8 for me, all good, hi to those who have slipped this weekend.... we've all been there. Pick yourself up and enjoy your achievements - I'd kill for 62 days!! That must've felt lovely!
Busy family day, but will pop in later.
I am back to day one today....
Morgan
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
Okay, Morgan, this is an opportunity - you were doing great on the run up to and immediately after your doc visit (I know that 'fear' all too well), but rather than dive down the dark well of self-defeating despair, pause for a moment - what made you drink? Really think about how you were feeling before / directly after the doc's and what changed or shifted for you yesterday. Do you keep a journal or a list of triggers? What kind of drinking was it - alone? or with someone else?
I often found that after a medical-scare that I was much stronger when it came to social drinking (no t'anks, just a seltzer), but the slip-up came when I was by myself and feeling vulnerable. Take care of yourself, and start again. That is the most important part!
Deb, Welcome. It sounds like you want some objective feedback on your drinking behavior, so here is two cents from someone who has been there. When I read that you have a bottle of wine over the course of a day until your kids get out of school, that raises a red flag for me. When you say you then pick your kids up, the red flag is waving vigorously. If you open the bottle at noon and finish it at 4 pm, you are probably too buzzed to drive safely.
If you can't yet imagine life without the wine, try waiting until later in the day to drink, and limit yourself to just two 5 oz glasses. If you can't sustain that, you should consider quitting entirely, which will take massive action. This is just the opinion of another mom who spent too many buzzed (not drunk) years around her kids and would like to help someone else avoid bigger problems down the road.
Sue
Hi to all you all from all over this globe. I've not been on the forum for a few days as I've not wanted to post. Dreamweaver, I also screwed up after 60 plus days. I thought that I'd cracked the demon. After reading these past few pages, I felt that I needed to do some keyboard therapy. Bdog, what did you say whist under the influence? Have you still got your job? Morgan, I really should have advised you that given the All Clear is a massive green light to start drinking. That's exactly what happened to me too. Deb, I agree with Sue's comment, I really hope you ain't behind the wheel. Now, my problem is the opposite to you. I'm poor. I can't afford holidays and live from pay day to pay day. Alcoholism can effect anyone regardless of what we have and have not. And it is a real weight gainer! The problem is that I love the taste of dry white wine. Anyway........those 60 plus days were the best days I have ever lived! I'm on a mission to get that feeling back. Iv'e upped my crossword book quota and reading Dr Phil's book. On a final note, I took positive action on Friday and went to a music venue to see if they had any jobs going. No there wasn't and didn't even want to hire me on a voluntary basis! I have a bust up at my daughter's school as the school is crap and it is failing their education. Due to my sheer frustrations, I picked up!!!!. Still, this week lady luck might change for me.
My kettle has just boiled so I'm having a nice brew (tea that is)!!!!!
Love to you all and keep clean and serene like I am.
Hi Alison. 60+ days is a fantastic achievement! I imagine you have been feeling pretty bad about what happened, but please be kind to yourself - you can succeed. I'm pleased you are still determined to move forward and liked your positive comment: "those 60 plus days were the best days I have ever lived! I'm on a mission to get that feeling back.". Go for it! Enjoy that cup of tea. Tootle pip.
Last edited by JeffR1; 03-12-2012 at 03:47 AM. Reason: Typo!
Alison, you have a global cheering squad here and we believe in you.
You succumbed to the demon voice but I know you have enough fight in you to kick IT to the curb and reclaim the life you deserve. Get rid of any alcohol you may have and get back on that bicycle. Today is a new day and we want to hear back from you soon. TTFN and Tootle Pip!
Thanks Jeffr1, AlisonUK im not sure I did not go to work today but have been there for 23 years and they know me and know how I am so maybe I have that going for me. Morgan, you sound like me I can do for good but look for a excuse to have some. Im not sure yet what route to take but everyone on this site is so positive. it got me thru some bad times maybe it will get me to some goodtimes.
Hello friends, and welcome newcomers. It's been too long since I've posted. I've been checking in here and there but life has been busier than normal it seems the past week or two. Today is day 53 for me. I can say with certainty that the days of abstinence have been much easier when I check in here and contribute on a more regular basis. I thank you all for this place of tranquility. It's weird to me how both positive posts of sobriety anniversaries and challenging posts of relapses and struggles still serve as encouragement. We look to achieve and replicate what others here have done, yet we sympathize with those who are struggling and this helps reinforce our convictions toward sobriety.
bdog, Alison, Kevin, Morgan, Kip, and others who have struggled lately please know that we are all pulling for you. Not trying to add any more pressure, just letting you know you've been in my thoughts.
Thanks again to all of you who continue to post. You are such a blessing.
Bryan
I'm here Bryan,..thanks for the mention. I did slip last Saturday but am back on day 9 today and feeling great. Great post John, very well said,..and great advice for Deb.Originally Posted by Bryan
Hi Mel, yes I had a terrible run in with Gluten. I am steering well and truly clear of it now.
Midwest Sue – On the weekend I brought up the topic of my not drinking with my 16 year old. She knew what I went through when I gave up for a month and thought that I had everything under control with having a drink “now and then” when out for dinner etc. I had to tell her that I have given up completely. She was amazed as she didn’t realise I hadn’t been drinking at all. She mentioned that although it was cute when I would constantly tell her how much I loved her when I was drink it was also extremely annoying!!!. The sad thing is – I never realised I said it to her
Welcome Patty and I believe welcome back to Billy – 18 days already, well done. Glad to have you both on board.
Great to hear the blood test results are good Morgan, well done.
James G – 108 days – way to go. That is awesome. Today is day 66 for me, that is it has been 66 individual days of saying – I will not drink today!!!! Not easy but one day at a time.
Bdog – Don’t dwell on the fact that you blew it, dwell on the great fact that you made 35 days first. Focus on the good….
Hi Deb, welcome, you are in a truly safe place here. Let us be your sounding board, you are amongst friends. Just concentrate on giving up for 1 day at a time and take it from there. If you feel the urge, stop and think before you react. Do nothing on impulse.
Alison – Don’t despair 60+ days is great, you can do it again. Just be kind to yourself and start again.
I hate to say it guys but there is definitely a thread. One could say it’s a sad thread but I refuse to look at it that way. Sure a few have fallen but the same ones are getting back up, dusting themselves off and starting again. Hang in there guys, your not a quitter until you quit trying so keep looking forward. Together we can do it.
I started reading the book yesterday and am already about a third of a way through it. It is a quick, but fascinating read. Its main point is the "habit loop" and how recognizing cues, routines, and rewards underlying our habits can help us figure out how to tweak/change them for the better. Habits are so ingrained that we are truly doing things "without thinking." Another thing it discusses is how folks can quickly revert to bad habits, after a long period of following good ones, especially in times of stress, and what is needed to overcome that.
Ken, i need you to read it so you can sum up the pearls of wisdom in it on here. You are great at that!!!
It has motivated me to get motivated again. Lol.
Hi all.......feeling clear and good today. Just come back from a 3 mile walk through some farmland with my mate and our dogs and it's still only 9.18am. I'm off to buy some baking equipment so the risk of dying through alcohol related illnessess is rare now, I wonder if diabetes and obesity will get me in the end! LOL. I love reading these post....truely inspiring.
On the homepage there is a man gripping the rock face. To me it looks like.............wait for it............a bad porn actor who has just realised his parents have just found out! LOL! ..........I bet you are all gonna have a good look at that now! Go on, have a good larf!
I'll pop by again tonight if I haven't poisoned myself in the baking process!
Toodle pip Alison
So, do folks in the UK bake pot-brownies?? Look it up and try them,..then post and tell me what you think. ;-)
...You are already funny but that would be hilarious!
Kevin, you are a bad influence! As if Alison needs to add pot to her wacky outlook on life. Alison, don't pay any attention to Kevin's suggestion. But do post a video link for our amusement if you should try it
If I'm counting correctly, today is 80 days for me! That means it's close to 3 months for my husband, and I have to say that doing it together has been a mixed blessing. I doubt that I could have resisted drinking if he were doing it in front of me. Having none in the house has been a huge benefit. However, putting two people together with hot Irish tempers and denying them their happy-time crutch in times of stress can be dangerous.
Anyway, we are well on our way to a new life and I am so proud.
I saw Ken's suggestion for the book "Sober for Good". I ordered it from the library and highly recommend it. Probably the best I've read on the topic.
Late for work, so TTFN!
Sue
All... thanks for your encouragement....
Jeff, thanks and I appreciate you reminding me of previous success... I keep meaning to write more frequently but get home tired and, even sober, just have the energy to read and not to write. I also use an ipad so it's a little more clunky... but my wife is loaning me her laptop for taxes so I think I can write from there in between tax misery! by the way... have you heard of the poem Desiderata..? i imagine so.. it's a pretty well-known bit of writing for folks who seek inspiration.
Morgan, i'm with you friend.... managed to do a triplet this weekend - fri,sat, sun.... and don't see anything but opportunity to drink on the horizon (social plans)... it's part of that massive change idea. i need to either cancel my social plans or just not drink to be successful. a bit stuck.
Alison, 60 days is great and an inspiration when you remind us of how good it is... keep up your good humor because it reminds us not to take anything too seriously.
Kimber, there are a lot of us on early days.. ones, twos.. etc... let's help each other and rely on the strength and positive benefit of this forum. i'm pulling for you.
John, thanks for the encouragement... your experience sounds like mine and a book i read about high-functioning alcoholics... quite a hard balance to maintain...normal on the outside and very abnormal elsewhere. yet i think others see things about us we don't see. i would gladly hand you the Lotus keys for a drive.. it actually came from California so it's probably homesick here in SC..(what kinda furrin' car is that...? lol) it constantly reminds me that I'm lucky to not have crashed the crazy thing.
Bryan, thanks for your thoughts and encouragement. We are all in this together.. wouldn't it be amazing if this group could meet one day!
best, kip
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
