How to stop drinking

[Ken1]

Marie, I was talking to a friend of mine earlier about what worked for me and that is having a plan. I had to have a plan. A plan is not a vague desire or filmy resolution, it is a thought-out, organized attack and series of goals. I wrote it out. Goals. Written goals. Writing it was a kind of commitment to myself and having it on paper made it a record my mixed-up brain could not edit through bad memory and hungover wishful thinking.

Also, Carol and Vic were having a great discussion in another thread about only focusing on being sober today and yesterday. Focus on your sobriety today and congratulate yourself for being sober yesterday. For some reason, when we start quantifying weeks or 30, 60, 90 days or whatever, our sneaky alcoholic voice wants to creep in and tells us to have a drink to celebrate not drinking! (use sober instead of not drinking)

My early weeks sucked worse than drinking but I swore no matter how bad it felt I was going to keep going on dumb blind faith and it would get better. It did, more than I could imagine. I refused to equate bad times with sobriety. I suspect some people lose heart in their early days for some reason or reasons related to short-term discomfort avoidance, falling back on old habits (= fear of an unknown future), lack of faith in self, and/or lack of faith that sobriety is better. To get sobriety you have to pre-pay and it's a surprise box you don't open until later. It took a lot of will and steady nerve to keep going for several months until the clouds cleared.

My alcohol problem took over most of my life (mind, emotions, heart, soul, intellect) and physiology. For me, spending a lot of time reading and understanding how and what these effects are helped me visualize why I wanted to be rid of them and what goals I should set to do that.

Although I trusted science and research, ultimately my faith in God and my deeply held religious convictions are what really worked for me. I found help in many forms such as AA, Patrick's articles, right here, and SMART has some effective tools. If your vision is cloudy, I recommend Anne Fletcher's Sober For Good.

You can do it, just don't give up.

[Marie1971]

thank you. I have thrown out the wine bottle, and have also joined Ken in the 30-day fitness challenge, so yes, I will sit down this evening and write my thoughts. I felt SO good during that 2 weeks.... i want that back again.

I also realised i did not come here when i felt like drinking - that was another mistake.

Off out for the day, will be online again tonight :-)

[JeffR1]

Hi makettle. Good on you for posting and keeping on trying - there's really not much alternative when it comes to alcohol. I understand what you mean about losing resolve on the weekends. We work hard and attend to our daily lives throughout the week, so the weekends are our opportunity to kick back and unwind.

Sure enough for many people alcohol may give them the sense of being in a pleasure zone, but for many it goes beyond that and leads to a depressive, rotten state. Patrick mentions about asking ourselves how much time that we actually derive pleasure or happiness from alcohol, compared to the negative feelings and impacts in our lives.

In terms of what to do and how to find motivation, I firmly believe in the concepts of 'fake it till you make it' and 'act as if'! Whatever one's desire for change is, often the best place to start that change is in the mind. So, starting there, we can think and act as if we are sober people going about our lives in a sober way. We may not believe it, but that's not really important as we are training our subconscious. It can take some time, but I believe it really does work.

I would refer you to my previous post to Marie as suggestions for ideas to help you get the motivation you seek. Doing the things I and other here suggest to do in early sobriety is like doing the things sober people do (faking it till you make it and acting as if). Changing your mind about how you think about yourself and drinking also helps; setting goals and so forth.

I can remember a time when I was feeling very unhappy and depressed for a long period of time (only a couple of years back). I decided to act as if and fake it till I made it. I started moving about with purpose, straightening my back and shoulders as I walked. I lifted my head up and looked about the world and smiled as I moved through my daily life. In a short period of time I noticed I actually did start to feel better and I noticed other people were responding to this by smiling back at me and speaking in a friendly way. It may feel fake, but as I mentioned, that's totally okay - it is also about training your unconscious mind.

Hang in there. Be kind to yourself and know that you have the power within you to succeed. Best wishes. Jeff

[nomoredayones]

Today is day one again. I feel like a complete failure.

[makettle]

Thanks Jeff. I appreciate it. I will keep trying.

[James G]

Today is day one again. I feel like a complete failure.

Morgan, to be truthfully honest I do not like to hear you or anyone else say that they are a failure. You need to pick yourself up and keep your resolve. Tell yourself that you're a winner...The real truth is anyone who has succeeded has done so by failing. You can do it. Follow the like below for some true motivation.

http://youtu.be/kZlXWp6vFdE

[James G]

Morgan, to be truthfully honest I do not like to hear you or anyone else say that they are a failure. You need to pick yourself up and keep your resolve. Tell yourself that you're a winner...The real truth is anyone who has succeeded has done so by failing. You can do it. Follow the like below for some true motivation.

http://youtu.be/kZlXWp6vFdE

One more must watch for all stuggling right now!

http://youtu.be/FpJQqzJj534

[Stone]

Hello everyone! I'm planning on tomorrow to be my day 1. I'm really nervous and can already feel it setting in. I really enjoy reading everyone's responses here and it gives me hope. Yall are all great people for just sharing your stories. It has inspired me to wake up and realize what i'm doing to myself and everyone around me. Please pray for me and again, thank you.

[Midwest Sue]

James, thank you for sharing the videos! Stone, welcome to sobriety. It is hard but so worth it. Say hello to life.

[Stone]

Thanks Sue! You're my first response! lol. Life, here I come!

[Bryan]

Hello All,

Day 46 for me today! Haven't been able to post lately, will hopefully catch up this week. Glad to see everyone's posts. Welcome newcomers!

Bryan

[Stone]

Well, about to drink my last can of poison. Tomorrow is my new beginning and I pray that I can stick to this.

[Stone]

Ok, drank it and hopefully tomorrow is a new day.

[JacquieC]

Hello All, Welcome Stone. Through that can away as it will be your last. You can do it.... Midwest Sue, thanks for your support. I made it through, confessed to my partner on the way there about how nervous I was but he was a sweetie and made sure I couldn't dwell on anything and that my glass was always full of Soda Lime and Bitters so I didn't have to answer any questions about what I was drinking. It was really interesting watching everyone get hammered but I could only take it for so long and we headed home before midnight. But yesterday when I woke to a clear head and jumped out of bed refreshed from NO alcohol I loved it. Nothing beats that feeling. We went for a bike ride and a long walk with the dog. Things that could never have been done with a hangover.

Hang in there Marie, focus on the 2 weeks you managed and keep yourself distracted. You can do it again.

Morgan, your not a failure if you keep trying. Just think of it as refining and honing in on your skills at getting through Day 1. You can do it, no matter how many times it takes, don't give up.

Beth - thanks for telling me about the Water Cooler thread. I started the 30 days on Sunday and have managed to exercise both yesterday and today so will keep that ball rolling.

Thanks to you all for just listening. I can't do this without you all. Hang in there and remember NO Drinks today.
Jacquie

[JeffR1]

Hi everyone. I subscribe to the Eckhart Tolle facebook page and this message was posted today about staying in the present moment.

'In about the year 60 BC, Roman philosopher Seneca wrote this: "There are more things that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality."

Not only anxious thoughts, but also resentment, grievances, pointless complaining, guilt and regret, criticism of self and others, perpetual discontent...... are ways in which we unconsciously create suffering for ourselves. They arise in imagination (the mind).

We need to recognize that these are all unnecessary baggage that brings a heaviness into our lives and strengthens a false sense of self. When you recognize their pointlessness, you can let go of them and then MOVE THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT UNNECESSARY BAGGAGE, enjoying the present moment, including its challenges.

And so the present moment becomes your friend, and you begin to experience life as supportive, rather than hostile. This is the miracle of transformation.'

Stone: Welcome to the forum. I wish you the best in your sobriety. There’s lots of great people and information here to help and guide you through. It’s natural to be nervous about taking the plunge and choosing freedom, but the rewards are so worth it! I found having those things available to me that I needed to be very helpful in the first couple of days. I went out and bought non-alcoholic drinks (to help satisfy the hand-to-mouth aspect of drinking – without which sometimes I felt anxiety creeping in), made lots of ice to put in my replacement drinks, bought some healthy treats (and some sweet treats to help satisfy the sugar cravings which can go hand-in-hand with drinking) and bought a fancy A4 notebook to write in each day as a journal of my experience. I also found goal setting to be very helpful. I look forward to seeing you post tomorrow to let us know how you are going. Keep reading and keep posting – that in itself is a great help. Best wishes.

Morgan: I agree with others, you certainly are not a failure. You have been making excellent progress and you can be very proud of yourself for that. As James said ‘tell yourself that you’re a winner’. You have the power to make things happen in your life. Best wishes.

Mel, AllisonUK and Midwest Sue: Get well soon and congratulations on your progress.

Marky mark: Congrats on 8 days! Keep it going.

Bryan: 46 days is fantastic – congratulations. Hope to hear from you soon.

JacquieC: Great job on getting through you night out and congratulations on 58 days. It sounds like you have really good support there with your partner – I’d say a really big thank you hug has been earned (and a congratulations from us here)!

Hi to everyone else also; I trust you are getting through. Have a great sober day. Jeff.

[Marie1971]

you know what? You guys are just damn lovely. It is so good to come here and read your thoughts. I hope that one day soon, I can "pay it forward", and help out others who are trying to get to where I am wanting to be today.

Having a great SOBER night with my family. (Hey, Ken, I'm off for a big walk now.... trying to calculate my kilometers versus your miles!)

[Beth]

Good morning, I second Marie on you guys being so damn lovely! Thank you Jacquie & Marie for joining the workout challenge. It is a great way to up your activity as well as to not just spend all your time thinking about alcohol. Stay with us!
Morgan and everyone else struggling with relapse....I found this article last weekend that if you haven't seen please read
http://www.spiritualriver.com/a-stru...n-my-recovery/
Living sober is probably the single most hardest thing most of us here will ever achieve and no one that is not in our position could ever relate. Remember this is an addiction, a mind altering poison. We all need to reprogram our thinking. My challenge to myself is to read most if not every article Patrick has ever written. It is one way for me to "reprogram" the part of the brain that feels no one can possibly understand what I am going through.... Patrick does, we all do.

[kevin2]

Well, I might as well go ahead and get this out of the way. Day 2 here again,...after 72 days here I am. It was a concious decision on my part,..no "slip up" or "trigger" to blame. My wife and I had a free night out on Sat. to celebrate our anniversary away from the kids,..so I new a couple of days ahead of time that I had a decision to make. I'm not going to beat myself up about it,...and I guess a had it coming, so all I can do at this point is re-evaluate,..and I have come to the conclusion that drinking isn't for me anymore. Honestly, I did enjoy the actual drinking part,..and we did have a great time, but the way I felt all day yesterday and even today somewhat, just cements how senseless it really is. So back at it and ready to string together many more days and weeks!!

[Ken1]

Stone, glad you joined us and Jacquie nailed it, especially in the beginning, when she said keep yourself distracted. Find things to fill the time you normally start drinking. Mix up your schedule, work out, go see a movie, anything you can think of to replace that time you "normally" start and spend drinking. Your "alcoholic voice", that voice in your head that tells you to go have a cold one, you know the "you work hard, you deserve it," or whatever yours says to you to manipulate you into giving in. Sometimes for me it's "why fight so hard, you know you should have one," it is sneaky, manipulative, smart, and knows how to push your buttons. Remember that you are in control and your AV has no real power to make you do anything. Come here and post as often as you like and it will help you surf those urges.

Marie, I think a mile is about 1.6 kilometers and I'm glad you're joining me in the fitness challenge. Although I'm a little sore, I'm feeling better, more clear headed every day and I'm sure it's the exercise that's making the difference. I put my own health and fitness on the back burner for so long chasing a career I hated that caused me to drink, but today, I'm working on my freedom from all that baggage that held me back from being happy for so long.

Jacquie joined us over there as well as John and you all inspire me to keep working out and on myself.

Morgan, the only way you fail at this is you don't get up and get back on that bike. You can do it, keep trying, keep fighting!

Beth, great article, thank you. Here's one of my favorite quotes from Patrick:

"Why was I a drunk? Because it was fun. It was a blast. Until it wasn’t. The unbelievable thing was how long I continued to drink and self medicate after it was no longer fun. The unbelievable thing was the denial, that I clung to the false belief that getting drunk was still fun. But it had stopped being fun a long time ago. Your job is to realize this.

Realize that drinking will never be as effective for you as it once was.

Yes, it used to be great. Way back in the early days, drinking was fine, it was fun, it was even useful for you. Beneficial in some ways.

But those days are long gone. Now your drinking is a ball and chain."

James, that video was amazing. Warning, have some Kleenex handy!

Thanks to everyone here. I'm sober today and grateful for being sober yesterday.

"We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort."
-- Jesse Owens, Olympic Athlete

[Kip]

Friends...hope you are well.. Been reading but too preoccupied with work, life, exercise..etc..to write much. Not to mention it's a bit harder on an iPad.. Ok.. A lousy excuse.. So a few words to close out the day with dinner, a hot bath, and a book.

Morgan, you see the support here.. We're all in this together. I'm on day 2 with you. Just keep going until it sticks is what I tell myself.

Jeff, as always, thanks for encouragement and insights. Tolle's writing is quite illuminating and i enjoy the sort of smack-us-in-the-face reality that t brings. Reminds me of what i find interesting about buddhist thought. I hope "awake at the wheel" remains my inspiration.

All of you seem to be trying so hard. The exercise challenge sounds great! Ran into an old college friend running yesterday.. We talked of running and general benefits of exercise. He's at with a hip replacement and kidney donation. Inspiring.. I should stfu and run..! I wish you all much success..

Take care. Best, kip