How to stop drinking

[nomoredayones]

[QUOTE=Bryan;10207]Agree to disagree is one of my favorite things to say, and not just because Ron Burgundy owns it from Anchorman. We have all come from different backgrounds, faiths, experiences. Yet we unite here because of common ground. Nearly everyone's drinking story is amazingly similar to someone else going through the same battle. We must be respectful to others. Please remember, many here are hanging on by a thread at times. An insensitive comment at the wrong time could be very damaging. Lets focus on our common bond!

Beth, sorry you slipped. Way to get back on track. Good job on the weight loss lucybrown and Jeff!


Go Bryan!
I started walking 40 minutes a day and eating much healthier. No weight loss yet though!

[Kip]

Friends, i hope this day finds you well. i thought long and hard about this forum last night when i felt a trigger sneaking up behind me. i think it's best to choose how to react and not let my past dictate future behavior. If this forum triggers my drinking i may as well call it quits because this place keeps me sane.

It seems we all agree that massive action is the way to stay sober. Substitution of healthy activities, exercise, eating right, making new friends, and avoiding triggers are the kind of things abou which we all agree. Those are great things and hard to debate their merit or lack thereof. Then there's religion and it's clear there is not a common view here. That's actually a good thing and not the least bit sad.

This is my biggest trigger and the reason for choosing to separate myself from my family. They don't respect my choice. Is anyone here familiar with the the "there are no atheists in foxholes" theory? That is, nonbelievers will "come around" when things are tough and they face their own mortality. Rubbish, I say. It presumes that belief is right and non-belief is wrong. Not to mention that a non-believer is weak in their conviction and will cave when things get tough. I think that's what we have going on here. Growing up in the south, capital of religion and racism (an curious juxtaposition, but that's not for here) i've let drinking provide my escape. In fact, i would say that every drunken binge has included some writings about this subject. So i tiptoe very carefully here. I would never push my non-belief on believers and insist they treat me the same. I think it's something about the way this country was supposed to have been founded, if I recall correctly... Point is, have your say about how god, buddha, or the neighboring mountain is helping you but please don't tell others that your deity is helping or can help them. To tell me that something you believe in has a plan and purpose for my life is like me telling you to go ahead and blow it out 'cause there's nothing after this. When my dying uncle told my mother that her praying for a miracle didn't really matter to him she was wild with indignation. Why? because, she presumes to know the right way. Many wars have been fought and are being fought because of presumption of being right. Non-believers are very tuned into the fact that they are material ripe for conversion. Again, the south will teach you that the moment you leave your front door. It isn't sad at all, by the way. I am joyful every Sunday morning when I run past the church I used to go to, healthy and strong, enjoying the here and now, not having to wear a coat a tie and play nice southahn boy. That is a great feeling...!

There are many of us in foxholes here, many who believe and many who don't. My focus on the here and now, not the guilt/regret past and heaven future that my parents believe, will get me through this. To each his own.

Good day all.. promise to catch up on all of your great progress over the weekend. off to be sober today with a long run, healthy eating, and avoiding triggers... take care...

[marky mark]

Morning all..........I hope all stay sober today, take massive action. I have a small milestone coming tomorrow but today I will not drink. FOCUS ON TODAY

[Beth]

Morning everyone! Still here. Starting day 2...... Yesterday I was miserable so really no challenge, couldn't even think about drinking. Thanks everyone for the support. I fought about telling you guys that I slipped....wow pretty pathetic I thought.... By lying to you guys I would be lying to myself and I just can't do that any more. So I started my journal, joined the 30 day exercise challenge, and no more shopping after noon
Let's stay sober today! Thanks.

[nomoredayones]

Good morning all. I am very nervous as I have an event tonight after work (which I MUST attend) and there will be all different wines (white wine is my "drug of choice") being served as part of the event. If there was any way I could get out of going I would but that is not an option.
I have to be honest and say I am REALLY afraid I am going to drink tonight.

[Millie]

Beth, sounds like a good plan. You may also want to keep a calendar and mark good days with a smily face or heart and your one slip (because you are not going to have any more ) with a frown.. That way you can still get the visual of your hard won 11 days before the slip. I do agree it is important to be brutally honest with yourself during this process. Otherwise your mind will start playing games with you and cause you to slip. That, at least, is what happened to me before. I plan to stay more vigilant this time. Not a drop, no excuses. I am just starting day three, so am right there with you.

[Millie]

Nomoredayones...
You can do it. The hardest time will be initially when you re first offered something to drink. Once you get over that hurdle and pick your nonalcoholic choice, just keep getting refills of the same. Instead of drinking, watch how others drink. I always found it surprising at how "little" many folks drink. When drinking, I am generally too
busy going back and forth for refill to notice what others are doing. It can be eyeopening. Over Christmas,I went to party with open bar, and was shocked when I realized that half the crowd was not drinking any alcohol at all, or had only one glass. When I did go to events with lots of heavy drinkers, I was surprised at how stupid folks got.

So, my suggestion is to be vigilant about NOT drinking, but
Pay attention to what others are doing and report back to the forum. Good luck!

[James G]

It seems to me that your going to be stuck with that name if you dont shape up? People can tell you nice things that they think you want to hear forever but you have to stand up and be counted at some time and that time seems like right now.
Stuff the meeting if its causing you anxiety, stuff the meeting if you think you will drink (although I think you have already decided that one) Stuff the goddamned meeting if it is going to affect your future life!
You wont always have another day to call day one unless you buckle up and get ready for a rocky ride ahead, if it was easy then everyone would do it today, but its not easy and no-one can help you until you help yourself.
I do not believe in pussy footing around anyone or anything, I say it as it is and people can take me that way or move out of my way. So stand up, straighten your backbone, take some deep breaths and go to the meeting and then get out of there. If your offered a drink then say "yes please, I'll have orange and soda"

This is personal from me to you, so please report back tomorrow when I will call you "Iampastdayone"

Now that my friends is what you call "Tough Love" and I do have to agree with Dominic on this...There comes a time when we have to finally "Walk the Walk" it's not easy at times, but anything worth achieving requires sacrifice and commitment.

Stay strong today!

“It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.”

[Kip]

Morgan, like Dominic says c'mon and take control of the situation..! You can do it... I wanna hear back here in the morning that you have made it... we're supporting you. You get to decide your fate; that's the power of here and now. And I need to hear your success so I can be inspired for a party at my house next week.

AlisonUK, Bloody %$#% 32 days rocks.... stay with it.

JacquieC, 26 days is fantastic... so is a month 30 or 31? or 29 in Feb? I'll credit you for a month at 29 and know you can fly thru 31.... go for it..!

All, good luck for a Sober Thursday and for those finishing the day, a great start to Friday....

[Mel]

Hey all, hanging in there - when I came home from a long day yesterday, I went and dumped the bourbon. I did it because I wanted a drink. I did it because it was pricey and I need to understand that pouring into my mouth is just the same as pouring it down the drain - it doesn't benefit anyone. I did it because I was not in a self-recriminatory frame of mind - I was in control, sober, and taking action.

And for what's it is worth - Dominic has a great point. We are tough with ourselves (no excuses!) when it comes to working out, or doing our jobs, or other such parts of our lives - - we have to be tough with ourselves in order to beat this sly monster-monkey on our backs, because no one else can live in our heads!!! No excuses, zero tolerance. Nomoredayones - re-read Patrick's articles about the 30 day commitment. Commit for 30 days to no excuses, zero tolerance, massive action. It is &%$ing hard, I'm not going to candy-coat it - but do it for 30 days and then reassess. Re-read Carol's early posts and her journey through the 30 day trial. You aren't alone and we support you, but when it comes down to it - we all are also totally alone with this thing because each of us lives with it 24/7.

[Midwest Sue]

Morgan:
Your internal conversations carry a lot of power. Try re-phrasing your anticipation of this evening to something like this:
“Although I’m nervous about the event tonight, I’m going to view it as an opportunity to prove to myself that I am strong in the face of temptation! In advance, I’ll visualize having a gag reflex at the first sip of white wine. I look forward to ordering a refreshing non-alcoholic beverage and I’ll really enjoy it. I’ll observe others with new clarity and I will have an overwhelming feeling of self-respect. I’ll stay as long as I feel I need to and then I’ll go home completely sober and report my success back to this forum.”

Repeat this at least 3 times.

It’s day 40 for me and life is good!
It's not easy, but it's good.

Sue

[kevin2]

Kip, Mel, James (Dominic),..I must say I definitly agree with you. It truly takes coming to
"that point" where you get so fed-up, so sick of it,..that you finally get angry enough with alcohol and yourself to make that determined,..no exceptions,..no excuses, commitment to absolute ZERO tolerence, no drinking no matter what. Only then can you truly get your mind in the place to beat this thing once and for all. It takes all different people, in all different sets of circumstances and situations many different reasons to reach "that point",..in whatever form that may be for them and in whatever time frame. You are all correct though on the approach it takes,..and that it can't be successfully done with the mentality of "hopefully I can"...or "if I could just.."..."I try but..",...that won't cut it. It has to be an all-in mindset.

With me,..I started reading and posting in this forum back in September 2011,..and it took me until Dec. 11th to finally reach "that point",..and it wasn't completely voluntary by any means. I had more Day 1's, 2s, 3s than I can count. I've watched many new people come and go,...many have some success of different degrees (me included) only to slip. I may slip myself at some point,..I've caught myself several times actually (subconciously) planning my own slip,..or looking for an excuse to slip. Complacency and the "now what?" syndrome are my biggest enemies right now. The ONE thing that is common to every person here Carol, Samantha, Christy, Ruth, Vic, (Patrick),..etc. that have had (and are still having) success long-term is "ATTITUDE". The attitude of almost disdain/fear of alcohol,..and a definite zero-tolerance and no exceptions policy,..along with massive-action. They've learned about this disease and developed a respect/fear of it and what it means to them,..and thus how to deal with it,...cravings, triggers, etc. in their own way,..from experience.

Hang in there all of you who are battling,..it WILL happen if you stick with it. You are off to a great start just by being here.
Have a great and sober day everyone!! It's hard no doubt, but well worth the fight.

[kevin2]

Very good words, just to add to what Kev has said, I have researched so much on the damage caused by alcohol and its that knowledge and my own past experience that keep me from falling.

Pssssst Kev2........its Dominic not James, only the Police, Judges and Solicitors call me James.
And I never want to have to deal with those people again.

I was actually referring to JamesG from the previous page,..but I will definitly keep that in mind "Dominic". I won't blow your cover, although I do have family (and connections) living in London. If you ever meet a really rich guy named Paul (from Kentucky/USA),...probably in a pub, tell him Kevin says "cheerio" :-)

[Midwest Sue]

I've seen a number of posts from folks who have trouble or anticipate trouble in social settings.

The first thing to remember: anyone who pressures you to drink or judges you for not drinking is someone who doesn’t matter. They have their own issues which are very likely addiction-related. By choosing not to drink you have risen above their level and they want to bring you back down. Don’t fall for it.

If you feel more comfortable offering an excuse rather than a simple “No, thanks” when offered a drink, here are a few suggestions:

-Thanks, but lately alcohol just doesn’t agree with me.
-Thanks, but (with a wink) I’m hoping to get lucky tonight and my partner hates the smell of booze on my breath.
-Thanks, but (in hushed tones) I’m being treated for genital warts and the drug interaction with alcohol is not a pretty one!
-Thanks, but I am so tired tonight that I’m afraid even one will knock me out.
-I would love to be able to enjoy drinks with you but my age has really affected me in that department! If you see any prune juice let me know!
-I used to love wine but I’ve developed an awful allergy to the sulfites and can’t take any chances.
-Thanks, would love to but I’m driving.

I’m sure there are many, many more suggestions out there!

Sue
(I'm a non-drinker. How about you?)

[kevin2]

London is a long way from me, I don't do pubs and the chances of me meeting your friend are slim, 62,999,999 to 1 would be a good guess. Factor in the name Paul and I have to meet him in a pub and we are talking billons to one but I will let you know if I succeed.

Thanks dude,..and my post was what we Americans call sarcasm to begin with, so...

[JeffR1]

Hi everyone. Day 23. For some reason I’m up early this morning, so I’m just enjoying some quiet time before heading off to work. Friday of my first week back at work after holidays. It’s been a pretty good week and I am so pleased I was able to break the cycle of drinking while I was on holidays.

There’s no doubt that time of the afternoon came each day to remind me of the 5.00pm “beer-o’clock” time, but thankfully I was able to just acknowledge the thoughts and feelings and let them go. The weekend is nearly here, and whilst I don’t have any specific plans at this time, I feel less anxious about what used to be a daunting time in terms of not drinking. Keep reading and keep posting everyone.

Beth: Good on you for stepping back up to the fight! People are so right that achieving and maintaining sobriety is as much about your mind as it is about the physical aspects. I have definitely found my journal is an outlet to clear my head.

Millie: Well done on getting day 3. I also mark smiley faces on a calendar and agree it certainly is a visual reminder. To me it is also simple yet effective ‘tool in the sobriety toolbox’.

Morgan: I really like the quote: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”. You can decide to change the way you look at things, and by doing so, you can take your power back! The more you do this, the stronger you will become.

Mel: Great job on pouring the booze down the drain! “I did it because I was not in a self-recriminatory frame of mind - I was in control, sober, and taking action.” = Massive Action. Congratulations on day 9.

Marky mark: A “small milestone”? I would guess from your previous post that the milestone is one month of sobriety – that’s a huge milestone! Congratulations.

Lucybrown: Great job on the weight loss – another bonus of sobriety. You said something in your last post which I thought was simply put, but very profound: “Today is a good day. The sun is shining, the kids are playing outside and there is a nice breeze.”. Peace and serenity!

Hope: I trust you are doing okay. Keep reading and keep posting. Hang in there and let us know how you are going.

Samantha: Congratulations on 9 months! You must be very proud of yourself. I think every anniversary of sobriety is an important one. Thank you for the inspiration.

Thanks again everyone. I trust you all have a great sober day.

[Bryan]

Congrats Marky Mark on almost 30 days! I'm half way there today.

Morgan, I know what Dominic and James are saying may be hard to hear, but their points are very valid. Some of your previous posts have been extremely heart felt and full of despair. It's good that you're getting that feeling that something must be done because that's what ignites "massive action". But imagine how you will feel if you drink this evening? It doesn't matter how good you might feel for a very short time. You will feel like absolute dog crap tomorrow and mentally you will be even more depressed. None of us want to see this happen to you. We have to learn to think of consequences. Drinking ALWAYS comes with consequences for us. Until we learn this we are trapped in a hamster wheel, and the cage will always stink.

Good luck.

Bryan

[win]

Hi. I am new here. I have been thinking about quitting for so long but I have never been able to take action. It is so hard to avoid getting a drink at 5PM and afterwards. At 5PM I always feel uneasy but if I have a drink I feel better and then I would have more drinks into the night. Every morning I think "why why why?" and the cycle repeats. Everyday. A lot of my days are ruined, especially in the mornings, because I am hungover or feeling like crap. I have to stop this vicious cycle but I really don't know how to do it.

Win

[Midwest Sue]

Win,
Welcome. You are just like us. Read the main articles on this site and read through past forum posts and you will find a lot of advice and support from people who have been exactly where you are.

How to stop the vicious cycle: Decide that today is the day that you say NO. Get rid of any alcohol you may have access to. Do something entirely different from your normal routine at 5 pm. Come back and visit often.

Good luck.

Sue

[AlisonUK]

Hi everyone. Welcome Win. Read back on some older posts because it's compelling reading. I'm on day 33 now. I've often read the 5-7pm slot is 'hammer time'. So true.
Erin, so glad I make you Larf! I lost my sense of humour when I was drinking you know. Life was a bore so I drowned it with booze. It was the booze that was drowning me. I got to the point that enough was enough and if you read back, I have the physical damage to boot. Now 'nomoredayones' asked me on some medical advice. I suggest seeking out a local alcohol clinic first. Then see your doctor and state that you 'may' be concerned that you are drinking a bit too much and would like his/her advice. The first thing I would ask for is a liver function test. This at least will give you an insight as to what's going on inside. The more important thing is that you proberbly need a check up from the neck up! A good therapist will be good to find out some underlying issues that are making you want to pick up. There's more advice but do these things first I suggest. I'm sure others on here would agree. I was worried about the medical record thing, but the only record I was in line for is a tag round my big toe! (if you know what I mean!)
Millie, are you sitting on your swing seat singing '9-5'! LOL YEEEHAAA cowboy. Anyway, I usually post in the morning but too busy. It's bed time now so I best get cracking. I have to get up early to get the makeup on otherwise I can scare horses!!!
Nighty night and toodle pip. Alison