That's it, James! It is a whole new way of thinking. I also have a full liquor cabinet at home, but it is not for me, and that is clear.
Happy birthday, Dreamweaver!
Ugh! Just lost a whole posted I'd written and I don't have time to rewrite. Thanks everyone for the encouragement yesterday.
Day 3 today and feeling a bit better after talking with my husband and with the therapist on the phone. I have a long day today but I'd like to check back in if I can. I went to an AA meeting last evening. Not my first. I shared that I was struggling a bit was on Day 2. I can't even express how much I hate letting anyone know that in a face to face setting but I survived.
Alcohol is a cunning little beast – we all know that. It controls our lives, we don’t! When we are drinking we wake up each morning angry at ourselves, panicking thinking over everything we did the night before (I used to lay in bed in the morning when I first woke up, heart beating frantically, retracing my steps from the night before, reliving everything I could remember) , feeling terrible, anxious, swearing I wouldn’t drink today, no not me, then later in the day obsessing over when I could get that first drink, thinking “well I don’t feel so bad, maybe today will be different.” But it never was, it is a vicious cycle. It is the first thing we think about when we open our eyes and the last thing we think of at night when we go to bed. It robs us of our freedom to live in control of our lives, to be all that we can be. Who wants to live that way?
For all of you just starting out, for all of you with some sobriety under your belts – just hang in there - don’t drink – no matter what excuse you come up with – and I always managed to come up with some doozies (LOL). You are such beautiful people – keep reminding yourself of that. Don’t let the beast win. Don’t let it rob you of your life – take control of it. Look to the future and how wonderful life can be without that ball and chain hanging around your neck. Remember that wonderful feeling of waking up sober, enjoying a cup of coffee, having the whole day to do as you please, not what little you can do if you drink, not planning your day around that first drink.
We have a new year coming up on us. Welcome it in sober. Remember why you found this site. Remember what wonderful people you are and how much you have to offer your loved ones by really being present for them. Find that freedom, that peace that comes with knowing that you are in control of your life, not alcohol, not anyone else. You are a non drinker now!!
I am so blessed right now. I am so happy that alcohol no longer controls my life - that I do! I am so looking forward to a sober 2012. We can do this folks. Don’t let alcohol win the fight – be strong. Have a Merry Christmas – hug your family, breathe, laugh, enjoy the newfound freedom, smile at the little things, and count your blessings every day – you have been given a second chance – take it:] Don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t ever quit trying:]
Sally, thank you for your post. I'm struggling right now but your words have helped my heart feel a little better
Our lovely Dragonfly, yes you can still weave your dreams. It is so hard, especially this time of year, when we think of people we've lost. I have not lost a child, so I can only imagine the depths of grief you must feel. But as I've told you before, I know that she would have been so proud of you, as she sees you facing your fears and building a better, stronger future for yourself. She would say to love her, that she knows that you love her, but because she loves you she does NOT want to drag you down, she wants you to FLY, she wants you to dream and weave those dreams, and she will fly with you.
I agree with Carol... a friend of the family made a plaque for me after Mom passed away that I recently dug out and displayed. It has a beautiful poem on it, but after each verse it says, "Miss Me - But Let Me Go." I know it's hard, and I can also only imagine losing a child - especially now that I've experienced love as a mother - but we all see you trying and growing, and I believe she wants to see you fly, too. And she will be right along with you.
Dragonfly, I carry the prayer card of St. Francis, given to me by my late mother, in my wallet and I find the prayer gives me some peace. After I read your post, it was the first thought that came to me. On days that I need it, I take this prayer out and recite it. I offer it here to you and you are in my prayers.
Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
Sorry you are hurting, Dragonfly- both personas are you, all of you, with the hopes, dreams, past and future that you hold. You don't have to lose one to become the other. There is not magic potion that dissolves our flaws, but the more we can soften and care for ourselves, the more whole we can become. I never found out how you lost your daughter, and I don't suppose it matters. You will carry her with you forever, and I am sure there are bound to be moments of pain with that, there have to be. The alcohol doesn't make it go away, it just adds some layers that you don't need. I am sure you are in a grief group, but if you aren't, that might help. GO for a walk, or put on some music and drink a cup of tea and go ahead and remember.
Dragonfly, sorry if our messages didn't speak to your sorrow. We are all trying to reach out and offer comfort to you the best we know how. I know from experience that grieving is intensely personal and we all grieve in our own ways. My wish for you is to find a little peace and to find some way to give yourself a break. Personally, prayer works for me and please know I will be praying for you a great deal over the entire holiday season. I'm sending you all the positive energy possible right now. Thanks for everything you do here and have a good night. Ken
Last edited by Ken1; 12-27-2011 at 11:46 AM.
Okay, where to begin. This is my first time ever trying this and after reading som posts I feel, for the first time (in a long time), not alone. I always felt that I had a problem and didn't want to admit it. I thank God that I have stumbled here or I don't think that I would be able to admit this and feel okay about it. I will be 25 next month and for nine years I have abused substances and for the last six years alcohol. I don't drink everyday but when I do drink I can't stop. Knowing this about myself scares me and embarrasses me as well. But being able to admit it hear gives me relief. I have decided to completely remove alcohol and substances from my life and have been seven days sober. I have tried to stop drinking before but went back to it. This time I want to live a sober life and keep it that way. I just hope that it is as easy as I hope and want it to be. Lol. I have decided to stop hanging out with certain people and going to certain places that I know I can't be around due to alcohol. I plan to change my life and keep it that way prayers please. Thanks.
Last edited by Ana; 12-22-2011 at 06:39 PM.
@Ana. That is so great! Welcome. I am happy for you. The first step you just made is a big one! Read the articles here on the site. I found them very helpful. Just day 10 for me and I wish I had quit much sooner because I feel so much better about myself and in control of my life.
One note : it is important to me to replace the drinking time with something else. I am working on getting fit and eat healthy and try to make some new friends in that lifestyle. You may have something else you like to do. Just leaving an empty hole of time without replacing it was setting me up for a fall.
I discovered this site almost by accident, but it has been really helpful in making the changes needed. I come here everyday to read the articles and the forum. It helps to read what others in the same situation are doing to change their lives.
I've found it really helpful to go back and read past discussions in this thread; so much I relate to. Today is Day 4 for me. Yesterday went pretty well, especially since I'm spread thin with too much to do and not at all ready for the looming holiday. We're not talking garden variety Christmas season perfectionism stress here (not to minimize the sufferinng people can go through with that). I got back on Saturday evening from visiting my elderly dad in Seattle on Saturday. Sunday evening I drank. Monday morning I had a mild/moderate hangover and had to get up early to go to my daughters and take care of grandchildren (which was fun, despite the hangover). Monday evening after the kids went to bed I drank a whole "normal sized" bottle of wine, inducing yet another slight hangover for taking care of the children I adore more than anything in the world the next morning. Then I drove home and worked till 7pm. Somewhere in this busy day I had time to reflect (again) on did I really want to live like this and was this who I really wanted to be. So Tuesday evening I didn't drink and I haven't since. Last night I was briefly tempted but I just basically ignored the idea and ate dinner and went to bed instead. I notice for me it can be really easy to give in to the "How aboout a glass of wine" thought when it hits, without even questioning it. I found Patrick's writing on this really helpful in making sense of this for me. It's easy to give in because it's such a well worn path. Drinking is the norm for me and not drinking is not the norm which can make it feel wrong somehow.
Ana welcome. I'm new here too and as you can see only on Day 4, but I have been lucky enough and tried hard enough in the past to experience some sober years, good sober years when I was really happy without all the problems and worries that go with the alcohol. I'm 52 now but I was 25 when I first began trying to deal with it. At that time I also was having some problems with coke. Seems funny mentioning this because that hasn't been a problem for a good 25 years and there's no temptation there at all. If someone offers me a chance to do coke my brain can immediately translate this into something like, "So how'd you like to ruin your life." Anyhow, I digress. The alcohol is more tricky. For one thing it's SO socially acceptable and is constantly being pushed on us from every direction it seems- social situations, advertising, cooking shows, books, movies, you name it. I know that I personally am very vulnerable to suggestion and even the most subtle forms of peer pressure. Even at 52 I want to be one of the cool kids.
Stopping hanging out with certain people, kind of by accident because we moved, was how I ended up quitting coke. Recently I told my husband that I was not going to hang out with this couple he's friends with- I like them but they party hard and she's a wine rep.
So here I go into the workday. My son and daughter-in-law are showing up this afternoon. The house is a mess and presents aren't wrapped- oh well. I forgot to say. Before I went to Seattle I got really sick with a bacterial infection and couldn't do anything for a week plus, then I was gone on my trip for 5 days, then I had to play catch up in my business after all the time off, planned and unplanned, then the minimal free time I had I was hungover. I'd love to blow off work today and blow off the whole holiday weekend and use the whole time to restore my house to order. It would be so therapeutic. Not going to happen though, so I shall do my best wih what I have to work with. At least I'm not hungover.
As a new person here I'm confused about Dragonfly/Dreamweaver but if I understand at all you're the same person and you lost your daughter? I can't imagine a worse thing happening to a person and I know that the holidays especially can be a terrible time if you've lost a child.
Best to all of you and wishing you happy and sober holiday weekends. Thank you all for being here.
Ana, you took a leap of faith posting here and I can assure you it will pay off. Jay said it, read through the articles at the main site that speak to you, let me know and I will recommend some of my favorites for you. Read through the post here as well, go through some of the other threads and read them too as there are a lot of people here trying to achieve the same goal you are. There are a lot of great people here and a lot of collective wisdom in their posts. You can learn a lot and will relate to the struggles and victories of other people that are fighting the battle against the bottle.
You already have seven days sober, so congratulations! Continue to build on that and use it as motivation to keep you strong. Your decision to quit hanging out with certain people and going to certain places I know is hard, but it is a great decision. Keep posting as much as you want to meet people here, tell your story, ask questions, or just to get what my friend Billy calls "keyboard therapy." I will be glad to pray for you and wish you continued success.
Good morning all,..and welcome Ana, Allyson and again to Jay. Starting up day 13 here and amazed by how great I feel. I'm still not looking ahead at all,..just doing the one day at a time thing. I was trying to remember last night, the last time I might have gone 2 weeks without drinking at all,..and my best guess would be around 22 years ago (or longer). @Ken, so what day are you on now?? It has to be getting up there,..I was thinking you were at least a couple of weeks in front of me. I'm sure most everyone is doing their own Christmas thing right now,..but sooo many regulars that we haven't heard from in a while,..John (Bill Smitt),..Regina, Carol, Marianna, (sober)peter, Christy, Kimber, Juliet, Millie, Conner, Vic (in a few days), Eric, Neil...and others. I hope you all are doing well. Please check in if you get a chance. Dragonfly/D-weaver,...I hope/pray you are having a much better and more peaceful day today. I know some about your situation (not alot),..and it is heartbreaking, but I really didn't know what to make of your last two posts. I read back over the responses and couldn't see anything other than love and support for you,..so I truly hope it was just one of "those days". Please post this morning and let us know that you are okay. As others have said, there is nothing I or anyone else can say that will help alot,..just know that we are here for you and we love you.
good morning all....still in the seasonal retail rush, done tomorrow at 1. many things to do yet today, just checking in to say hi, not drinking today, thanks everyone for posting, I read some articles in the forum last night that helped me get through the rest of the evening...
Hey Kevin, I'm not keeping up with days anymore, I don't want that pressure since my last slip up. I made it 40 days, lost my focus, and had to start over. Just one day at a time for me is working fine. I tried to look back to when I quit in the forum here, but the forum doesn't list an exact day, only 1 week ago, 2 weeks ago etc., but I would guess we are in the same ballpark, about 2 weeks. I am simply referring to it as my Christmas present to myself. I've been keeping up with your posts and man, you are doing it! Glad you are back home, sorry your wife didn't quit with you, but perhaps you can be the example for her now. How are you and what's up?
Doing great man,...hanging in there. Getting 4 kids ready for Santa to come in a few days, so hectic as you can imagine. Things at home are going well,...and going very well with my wife. You know,..in a way it would have been nice if she had actually quit along with me,..but at the same time that wouldn't have been the best reason for her to quit (in support of me). As it is for all of us,...it has to be a personal decision. While she drinks most every night,..it's different from the way I drank,...she only has a few beers or a couple of glasses of wine and then lays it down for the night. Her life is so stressful with the 4 kids and being back at work,...it really does take the edge off, helps her wind down,..and puts her in a good mood ;-) (which is always a good thing). She doesn't drink in front of me at all,..so I haven't mentioned it and am not going to put any pressure on her about it. If and when the time is right for her,..she can and would do it. I have definitly noticed that she seems to have a new found respect for me now,..and a new appreciation for everything I do at home and with the kids, following my little week long "hiatus" at the ol' Extended Stay hotel last week. Four kids are too much for any one person to handle as she saw in full effect. I hope you are having a great day Ken! What's been up with you?
Originally Posted by Ken1
I'm waking up to yet another day without a hangover! I wish I could give all of you hugs!
Good for you Molly, you sound great! You deserve a hug yourself.
Kevin, great points and right on about your wife, you have to quit for yourself (herself in this case). Nice to be appreciated too. It reminds me to be grateful myself for all my blessings and to let people know that I appreciate them while I have the chance. I'm getting ready for Christmas myself and going to spend some time reading and relaxing over the weekend, then about to start the old job search back up. FYI I closed my biz earlier this year, the reason I relapsed. Can't decide exactly what I want to pursue, but I've learned to be open minded about it. Since nothing is permanent, if I take a job I don't like I can always find another or open another biz. I understand as well as anyone can that no one is coming to save me, I take 100% responsibility for my life and am ready for the challenge. I'm about to kick my health and fitness routine up to the next level (thanks Patrick) and becoming that annoying guy that's the "fitness nut" at work. You know the guy that turns down the cake at the office bday party and has a green drink for breakfast. Looking forward to getting back into fighting shape.
Good morning, everyone- welcome to the new people- you are in a great place for support in your new sober life! Ana, congratulations to you to figuring this out at your young age- you won't regret it! Read through Patrick's articles and the back posts and I am sure you will find people with similar experience. I used the excuse that I wasn't *that* kind of drinker for many years to avoid looking at my problem. I was not the stereotype, but now I feel that any time a person has to worry about, try to control, plan around, obsess about alcohol, that is a clear sign that there is a problem.
Kevin, you sound great! I know it sounds weird, but I don't mind a bit when my husband drinks, in fact, I don't want him to avoid alcohol for me. I wonder why- I think that part of it is because I don't want people to manage my decision- I am capable of managing it on my own. He seldom drinks, but one of his best friends is a big drinker (I bet I would feel differently if I were married to HIM!), and they like to drink bourbon together. I guess it is because it is so clear that my husband can totally take it or leave it, and it does him good to let his hair down once in awhile, you know, and it takes some of the spotlight off of me not drinking if he can accept a glass of wine someone wants to share.
Allyson, pm me if you are in Seattle again and want to go out for a cup of coffee! I find that I wish I had a real non-AA group to go to, just for the companionship. It would be fun to hang out you guys in real life!