Thanks bdog, eric and John. I've been here reading as always,..just been reluctant to post since I couldn't bring myself to the decision to quit, so I felt a little out of place with so many of you trying so hard. Well, here I am on day 2,...I know this is it,..it has to be. I have too much to lose in not beating this thing.
Right on!Originally Posted by kevin2
Kevin, I was speaking to someone on PM here yesterday about AA, and I'm going to AA meeting today! The first time I got sober it was a big part of my success. I had an awesome sponsor that I met for lunch once a week and he called me everyday. I did not want to let him down which was a big help! This is my Day 2 also. Maybe we can sponsor each other here. I tried on my own, made it 40 days and then slipped up, proof to me I need a little help. Glad you and the wife are going to work things out!
Thanks so much Ken1,..and that sounds like a plan to me. 40 DAYS!!,..think about that,..although you slipped, that is a hell of an accomplishment in and of itself,...and seems like an eternity to me at this point. You can do this,...you've proven that. Look at it like this,..you've been sober 41 out of the last 42 days,..made a mistake in not recognizing a trigger and gave in to it. I have to be honest here,..I'm not looking forward to walking in to an AA meeting. I have no idea what to expect and that type of public setting isn't really appealing to me,..but I'll give it a shot. Maybe you can give me an idea of what to expect,..and some of what will be expected of me??
Kevin, I can tell you this, the first time I went to an AA meeting I was scared as hell! I thought what if someone recognizes me, then I'm exposed for the fraud I am and you can't get that genie back into the bottle! It kept me from going for a long time. Then I went anyway and guess what happened, nothing! I did know a couple of people there who couldn't have been any better about it. It was great! They just said hey man, good to see you. I told them it's my first time and they immediately went into help mode just like what happens here. If you want, you can call their 1-800 number and someone will call you back and meet you there.
The other thing I was worried about was all the judging stares and glares I would get from people there. Worry is such a useless waste of your imagination! People said hey, how's it going? Hi I'm so and so, what's your name? Then the meeting started and people were given the opportunity to introduce themselves and tell their stories. I felt like I was a saint compared to some of the stories I heard and then it hit me, these were a bunch of regular people that were looking for answers at the bottom of a bottle just like me! They realized it didn't work and were looking for a different way to live. Some had been to jail, some had lost their homes, their families and I was a little ashamed that some of those stories made me realize how lucky I had been.
Give it a shot, you might be surprised how much it can help. I have heard some negative feedback about AA and it's not for everyone, but I thought it was great. There are many ways to get sober, AA is old school and I think that's why people don't like it, but that is exactly why I did like it, plus it's hard to argue with their results. To each his own, right? Look at it like this, you have not been successful yet on your own, so what do you have to lose? The other concern is right in their name Alcoholics Anonymous. No one is going to expose you, but you might make some friends and and wind up out with them for coffee or something and people may ask what group you are with, and at that point you can honestly say these are all my friends.
Kevin, Ken stated it perfectly. The only thing I would add is that each meeting is different. If you don't like the first one, try a few others before making a decision.
Thanks for the great advice and encouragement guys. I've found one that I'm going to try tonight at 8:00,..so we'll see what happens and I will report back tomorrow. The main thing that I'm struggling with right now is that feeling of losing something,..like the suddeness in which all of this happened didn't give me a chance to "say goodbye" to an old friend (or enemy as it turns out). That's what is going to be tough to fight this week being alone. Wanting that one last hoorah as stupid as that might sound,..but just being honest.
Kevin, we all want that! We all wish we could drink normally but we can't. Let me dust off this old chestnut:
Here is what Patrick said:
1) Nobody totally wants to quit.
2) Those who do quit make the decision anyway.
3) Those who succeed take action following the decision.
We all romanticize how great it was back in the good old days, but that is just your alcoholic voice trying to lure you back over to the dark side. Shut it off and replace that thought with something positive, like thank God for my family, my job and all my other blessings. Shut it off, say "stop it!" out loud if you have to (you will get some strange looks, but who cares?), it does work to break your concentration so you can replace your "stinking thinking."
John,..you are exactly right and I know it. I'll be going to the house after work every evening to see them, so that will help too. Like I said before,..they don't know what's going on and aren't yet old enough to really question it. I did have a last harah Saturday night,...but didn't know it at the time,...but one last one isn't going to serve any purpose,..other than to put me right back where I started.
Ken1,..it's funny I had just finished rereading that same article with those 3 great points before I read your post. Today has been a tough day for me even though I feel great physically,...just alot on my mind and alot of fear/anxiety about the road ahead.
Thanks for being there guys.
That's a good way to put it Eric,...and yes my last harah also coincided with a major sporting event (which are my biggest triggers),..The Kentucky/Indiana basketball game Sat. night,...it's fitting I guess that my Wildcats lost by 1 on a last second, desperation 3 ptr.
Kevin, I wrote out a list of my triggers, in the getting started forum yesterday. I printed them out and plan to look at them every time I feel like drinking to see why and give myself a fighting chance to do something about it. I totally forgot sporting events, which is so obvious so thanks for adding another one to my list! I understand what you are saying about worrying about the road ahead, but worry is such a terrible use of your imagination. Think about all the things you're done in life that you dreaded that once you did them, you thought wow, that was a piece of cake! I'm not saying not drinking will be easy but I am saying that you shouldn't waste your time worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened yet!
Ken, I have been lurking and reading. Your gifts are amazing.
My gift to all of you here reading, posting, lurking.....you are not as bad as you think you are. You may be broken and lost to the "gift". That "gift" is one of perpetual change and opportunity, with each new day. The gift of unconditional love, forgiveness, and understanding, and it is yours for the taking. Take it, and make the "gift" yours now and ever after. You only lose it for one day, if you don't recognize it for one day and don't take hold of it. Live in the present, leave the past behind, be grateful everyday for the angels put in your path to show you the way to your "gift". Make your life the life of your dreams, it is not too late, and it is there for you now. Don't waste the "gift" of life in the present and all you can do with the "present" that is your gift....the present!
Hugs.......one of you
You know what you have to do. You have said it over and over again. Concentrate on the positive in your life, and leave the negative behind. Leave the drink behind, it is not enhancing your life or your relationships. You have gifts and talent that you are wasting and you know this. Get yourself to rehab if you can't do it on your own. Don't you have too much to lose if you don't? You know it. You have said it. I am just reinforcing your own convictions. YOU ARE WORTH SAVING! Save yourself for the rest of us here and most especially for your family and YOURSELF! Consider rehab for you and for us. Perhaps you are the angel sent to us on this forum to convince the rest of us rehab is a good option after you post your own experience.
Just a thought.
One of you.
Glad i survived another day...look forward to not feeling life isnt just about Surviving though,lol....but at minute is good enough for me. Looking forward to 2012 and a sense of renewal. Been a fucking tough year in many ways,yet i like to think il learn from it...might be going to an AA meeting tomorrow,definitely am the weekend,havent been in so so long...but will be good . Here is great but it be good to get out and about too.
I'm appreciating the posts, the strength, the life here, thank you all. Good discussions.
Kinda quiet in my life overall, I am committed to not drinking today, I find it impossible to say the words "I'll never drink again", perhaps that is good enough right now. I've been feeling some low level angry, and know that previously I would have solved that with a drink. I've decided to address some of the things that bring me to feeling angry. Some dramatic part of me wants to leave my life entirely (not suicide, just not be in the life I have), but the reasonable sober side says, take your time, do some writing, keep reading and posting, and address things one by one.
Theodora: I saw your post a couple of days ago. I too found wine made me stupid in a hurry, so I switched to beer, which worked well for a while, but then I started topping up the beer with wine, or something else, and I was nowhere. For me, changing devils didn't work well.
Kat: where are you? come back.
And so onward ho. I'm stopping in here often for a drink of strength each day, don't know how I'd do it otherwise. Thanks everyone! Stay strong, don't drink.
"wine made me stupid in a hurry!"""" i love that line Pearl,is true actually too...but for those of us with addiction issue with booze all alcohol drinks are no no's i guess. I just entered an online AA chatroom but it was bizarre so left,not at all like a meeting,wa sall about wedding shoes!!!lol
thanks NeilGlad you are here.
Me too, I tried a couple of AA chatrooms, but I couldn't make heads or tails of it. And since SR was/is working for me I didn't harder. For me right now it works here that I can read when I have time or need, and post when it works for me, there are no time issues. be well.
Great to hear your news, JeffR1- I know you can do it, it is just hard work in the beginning. Make it your first priority when you get up in the morning that you won't drink that day, no matter what! Focus on one day at a time and go from there. Stay hydrated and eat food! And for me, I kept a list of all the reasons I wanted to quit, especially a brutally honest recounting of all the embarrassing moments I had while drinking. WHo needs it? I mean really!
Jeff, your enthusiasm is inspiring and contagious, keep it up! You are right we are you! Read though several of the threads, check out the main site, and keep posting. I bet your daughter is happy and proud of you. Good luck.
Kevin, did you get a chance to go to an AA meeting? If so, what did you think?
Pearl, I relate the anger you are talking about to something I learned from another program. They refer to it as LFT-low frustration tolerance. It seems to be part of the process of learning to cope with day to day stress without turning to alcohol to quiet the mind.
Ruth & Eric, lists are great, the more the better for me. I started a folder for all my lists and plans that I use as my security blanket when I am feeling low or have a craving.
Neil, how goes it mate? Did you make it to an AA meeting? I'm looking for one as well. I agree, tried the online dynamic chat at AA and SMART, it's so frenetic I wasn't able to get anything out of it. I do like the actual AA meeting though.
Ken,..I did and it went really well. It was a smaller group,...maybe 8 to 10 of us, which was great with me. I'm not in to big crowds. This group meets every Monday night just a couple of miles from my house, so I plan to keep going to this one regularly. I actually find this forum more helpful and more suited for me but some of both can't hurt,..and the regulars at the AA mtg. really seemed to swear by it, so we'll see what happens. For now I'm on day 3 and feeling great. Alot of extra energy,..and still not trying to think too far into the future. Thanks for asking Ken.
Vic, really stellar insights. I am re-reading a book called "The TAO of Sobriety" that talks about how we have multiple voices trying to be heard in our mind and how to manage them. Think about it like this, if you have a thought and acknowledge it, doesn't that mean that there must be a speaker and a listener, so at least two "people" in your mind. I find it fascinating. Good for you for embracing sobriety again, we need your wisdom here.
Kevin, glad your meeting went well and Day 3 is a big deal so give yourself some credit. I like coming here too, although sometimes I have to take a step back and have a little me time. I think it is important for all of us to take some time for yourself to recharge our batteries. Meditate, pray, or just find a quiet room in your house and shut the door for five minutes. I guess that's why dad used to go out to the garage and rearrange things from time to time. When you give all the time, it can be really draining and that can be a trigger.
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