How to stop drinking

[Ruth]

Peter- knowing all that you do about how alcohol is destroying your life, can you explain why you are not seeking help? I know you have been in this cycle for a long time...why is it that you are not taking advantage of any help that is available? Can you make a deal with yourself to give it another try and if it doesn't work, to check into some kind of rehab? I mean a real deal, that you tell your wife, or someone else who will hold you accountable? I see you suffering, and I also see you unwilling to take the next step. You will be so much better off when you do!

[neil]

Hey fellow soldiers
I am just takling chance to write here while have place to myself,so i havent had chance to properly read the last few posts but i will shortly.
In Ireland where I live and in UK the biggest show annually is the english X FACTOR, and it ends tonight...lol i cant believe i am writing this but its true...i find staying sober at weekends easy beacuse of it as it is such a talking point and a reason to stay in!!!(im not a house drinker,though at short points i was...am a die hard pub drinker though...and other peoples houses drinker,,lol)... anyhow after tonite,even aside from the insane binge Xmas period ion ireland, i will have to find new ways to spend my weekend nights...when i was in AA a couple years ago before my relapse I use to go to good weekend meetings at night in the city and they became a healthuy part of my weekend so might try get back to that...but as i shared before on here i find at minute going to meetings i use attend a bit....not daunting but...something... i guess i feel that people there wont get really where i am at now,theyl recall me as the sober lad...their old mate...not the guy on the floor trying to get my life back...

Anyhow,kinda waffling, am thinking out loud sorta speak....

We don't mark Thanksgiving here, well a few people might but not in a big way, but I understand that in the United States it is a big deal,and is probably a bit like Christmas/Patricks Day, Arthurs Day etc here....so I wonder do any of you have any tips on how to survive the Christmas holiday season without either drinking or as bad as that...getting totally depressed and resentful???? I dont drive,which is not usually a problem at all but Christmas Day there is no public transport at all,so i cant simply exit the house,i live in rural part of county dublin...about 25km from the city...so it feels like i will be trapped here and it is our (my sisters' and i) first Christmas without our mum who died in the summer at 51 from 4 months cancer illness...so its a big issue this xmas....I wish i could avoid it this year but i cant afford to go abroad for it sadly or i would....arrrgghhhh

haha i sound so negative but i am actually not in negative mood,just kinda getting stuff off my chest i guess...I have to remind myself that 25th december is just 24 hours long like every other day....and that it will be over...i actually like the religious/spiritual side of xmas bizarre for such an immoral gnat as me,haha...but the whole madness around it freaks me....

anyhow hope some of you will read this n get back to me if u have any ideas,advice or want to simply give me a kick in the ass...lol

thank you for reading... keep strong soldiers

[neil]

Get what u mean eric. its funny id an infection a while ago and was put on strong antibiotics but never took them as it would mean I couldnt drink or at least wouldnt b able to drink much...insane...alcohol really came first .... I think im more worried about me wanting to drink than what others think or say...but i understand what you are saying there and thanks mate...

[Ruth]

So, on the topic of resentment... I do get it, and I would like to romance the drink every now and then, but I was thinking about it this morning. I have a friend who quit drinking a few years ago (before I could even imagine myself without alcohol!), and you can FEEL her resentment and jealousy at being left out, or whatever... I don't feel that way. I wonder why? Maybe I am a pragmatist (and probably older than you, Neil). I mean, sure, I would like a magic pill (or drink) that makes life lovely and perfect, who doesn't? But first of all, it is not alcohol, and second of all, there is more to life.There is value in being honest with ourselves and struggling through our difficulties, rather than medicating them away. I don't mean that we should sit and suffer, by all means, but that we can heal ourselves and find the genuine person in there... anyway, I blather...

Neil, as far as strategy, I would have a delicious alternative drink available, and keep all the benefits of sobriety topmost in your mind. We had Thanksgiving at our house, as usual, and there was tons of good wine and a bit pf pressure for me to just "taste" some...it was easy for me to say no, because I do not want to go back there! I had nice tart cherry juice and soda- looked like wine, tasted like wine (not too sweet), and end of story.

[neil]

my resentments arent really about others drinking more about certain people ,lol and feeling hard done by i guess...but feel that it will be easier when i have some more independence and changing where i live will definitely be my first big goal in recovery and for 2012. Can be isolating living in the country side despite what people think. Living in a big house might sound great but a small flat and peace of mind be like heaven to me really. But keep it in the moment and day...so i accept at the moment i have to stay where i am and all that entails(wont bore u) , but i can do littl;e things each day and week towards changing this situation ... staying sober been the most vital....ive a wise older friend who is sober many many years and she use always say to me "Once we do not take a drink today everything else is just a situation"

[neil]

p.s i will have a think about what non alcohol drinks to have on christmas day

[James G]

Ken, click on the link below. This video motivates me tremendously...Hoping it will do the same for and the rest...We are powerful beyond are means!

http://youtu.be/OSYtQy9EqTA

To All,
FYI
I thought I should explain why this video link motivates me...I look at the heavily favorite fighter as the Alcohol I'm battling, and the underdog fighter as me fighting against this huge Alcohol favorite.

Kind of corny, but to me this is a powerful representation of the fight were all in. Even though on the surface it appears to be a miss-match. We must be diligent to fight the good fight...no matter how hard the fight against alcohol is, we must continually rise up off the mate and keep swinging back. This will guarantee ultimate victory in the end...We must remember from our youth that David did beat Goliath!

Would be nice to hear from others on what gives you that extra pick-up to stay on course. Today is day 17 and without a doubt I could not have reached it without all the strength I have received from this forum. Thank you!!!

[soberpeter]

Thanks everyone. The day is still young in NY. Had to drive into town a few hours ago. Passed liquor store. Asked wife if she would mind if I bought just ONE bottle of wine. Her response was full of "F" words. She usually doesn't talk like that. Went straight home w/o liquor. Have a 24 pack of seltzer I've been resorting to. Hope tonite I can do it. Tonite is a challange. If I suceed, tomorrow will be the BIG challange. Typically, leave work, go to bar, go next door and buy SHIT @ liquor store, come home, drink my face off, fight w/wife for me being drunk, go to bed, wake up & say "enough is enough" and repeat this every single day. I think I CAN pull this off. Thanks for your support. Like I posted previously I will report POSITIVE things or make appointment first thing tomorrow morning. Wish me luck for the rest of today and tomorrow. Hope to post + tomorrow. And of course I wish everyone the best who is battling this problem. PS: I used to be normal and say "I don't want to drink tonite." What the hell happened?

[neil]

Sylvane.....mocha sounds good....u wont believe me but i had a dream last nite that i ordered a coffee with cream in a bar!!!!!

James will look at the video later sounds good....you have reminded me of a book i want to buy,an irish boxer who has memoir out at min who is in early recovery also

[Millie]

Peter. Stay strong. I am sending good vibes your way!!

[Millie]

Day 14 for me. So far so good.

[Ruth]

Welcome, JeffR1. What a sad story- I am sorry to hear about your illness. I find it hard to say "just don't drink" to you (though I have said it to many, in one way or another) because I sure have not been where you are! Still, if the goal in life is to be clear with ourselves and be honest, alcohol gets in the way, and you have seen it all first hand with your dad, and now with yourself. I have said many times that quitting is simple, but not easy. Are you ready to move on from alcohol? If you are then it is as simple as getting up each day and deciding not to drink that day. This forum has been very helpful as a sounding board and as a source of support.
I hope to see you here often.

[carol]

I set myself a deadline this time that if I hadn't stopped by April 30, I would seek and get help, as I have never tried outside help. Then I realized that the day after April 30 is May 1 - MAYDAY! . . . Mayday, mayday, I need help.

Peter, this was my first post here. Sally always chuckles and reminds me of Mayday, mayday when I post milestones. I was finally desperate enough that if I couldn't stop myself, I would go for outside help, which I was never willing to consider before. Based on your post, you are there now. Let us know Monday if you stayed strong or if you called rehab.

JeffR1, welcome. If you've taken this much time to read and reflect, my sense is you want to stop. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired as so many of us have been when we googled our way here? In addition to my Mayday above, I was so scared I would fail, because I had failed so many times before. I had a couple of false starts here and now am 7 months free. Many people have really benefited from a 30 day trial because it doesn't have to be forever. I was too scared to commit to 30 days but just kept on one day at a time not drinking, with the help and support of all the great folks here and Patrick's massive action creative recovery. What do you think - just DON'T drink tomorrow and come and tell us how that is going? Good luck!

[neil]

JeffR1 i really really hope you will stay sober as it will massively help ur health. I can not imagine drinking with cancer n treatments going on,you must be drained n exhausted all the time...I hope your prognosis is good and that without fdriunk it will improve too. I will be thinking on you n praying for you.

[neil]

not in best mood today, people places and things bugging me...i just wish i could fast forward to be sober a bit longer and have a better and different living environment than where im at. I so need my own space ,even if it looks crazy to switch to a real small place id b much happier....i think realising what is as opposed to wishing its something else is first part of change and moving forward....i hope so.... there are alot of people who i just no longer trust and thats ok,it could actually be a good thing,sometimes we get so caught up in seeing how bad we are we think everyone else is the opposite when they can actually be as bad if not worse,haha....

i hope all you guys are doing well today and thanks for allowing me a place to share,it makes days that are tough much easier,even knowing i can post or read later does make a difference.

[Eric]

JeffR1, thank you so much for your post. I often asked myself during my final drinking days "if I knew the next drink would cause cancer, would I still take it?" I always figured that the answer was yes, because I made no consideration of consequences. Consequences could always be numbed out by one more drink. Until they couldn't be numbed out anymore. When I finally hit bottom, it was not like all the other times I thought I had hit it. This time I was emotionally paralyzed. I was desparate and had absolutely no idea which way to turn or what to do. Luckily, I had found this site and put into action the things I read here - both in this forum and in the articles from the main site. The first few days were the hardest because it was so uncomfortable and I didn't want to be out of my comfort zone, but I hauled myself to the gym for exercise, I sat at my computer and wrote, I meditated, I cooked healthy food, I got outside and walked - anything that enriched my life and didn't involve drinking I did. I am now in the longest period of sobriety in over 20 years and still have no desire to drink. Before this, I had always hoped someone would see my drinking problem and come save me. My dad is an alcoholic and had someone intervene with him and he went to treatment. Somewhere inside, I also wanted my time in the spotlight. It never happened. I finally had to do it on my own (with the support here) and for myself. In hindsight, this was probably the best thing for me. I hope that you will continue to join in the discussions here and achieve sobriety.

Neil, I can understand that. I now accept that somedays are going to be bad and I will be frustrated with people and places, but that it never means I have to drink over it. Drinking never made it better. I am also trying to find a smaller, less cluttered space in my life. A lot of the anxiety in my life is caused by a lack of order and bigger places are harder to maintain. Glad you are here.

[Ken1]

Jeff, your post moved me to want to reach out to you. You tried reaching out before to several people in your life and failed, but you can come here anytime and people will always do their best to help you. I'm sorry to hear about your health, but you know in your heart that your drinking is a problem and you have to stop. I'm sorry that your family is like many of ours, that want to bury their heads in the sand and hope the problem will solve itself, which makes exactly as much since as trying to drink your problems away. In the morning, they are right there waiting for you.

Here is what Patrick said:
1) Nobody totally wants to quit.
2) Those who do quit make the decision anyway.
3) Those who succeed take action following the decision.

Ask yourself if your life would be better without alcohol. We all know the answer to that, so stop wasting time. You have to take responsibility for you. No one is coming to save you. If you love life, spend your time wisely because that's all life is. You are only here for a brief moment, so make the most of it! Stop procrastinating, face your fear, practice self discipline, give up on perfectionism, set some ambitious goals and start pursuing them immediately. You only get one life and one chance so get going. Stop defeating yourself. Stop limiting yourself. Eliminate your negative thoughts by replacing them with positive thoughts. Create a positive belief system for yourself and the sky's the limit. Don't waste another minute stewing about the past, let it go, it's history. Forgive yourself and all those other people in your life that have offended you and get busy living! We are all in this together, so let us know how you are doing and if we can be of any assistance. Good luck to you and God bless!

Neil, I still talk to my old drinking friends, but not as often as I used to. When a friend calls and they have been drinking, it irritates me now because it makes me think how stupid I must have acted for so long. When you're drunk and think you're hiding it and no one knows, please, everyone knows!

Here is a Brian Tracy quote that address what you are talking about perfectly:
You have to plan for turbulence.
Strong people expect to experience problems on their journeys towards their goals and destinations. Weak people are surprised and dismayed when things don't work out as expected. They blame others and often become depressed and irrational. Instead, take a deep breath, relax and say "solving problems is my job, problems are what I do." The bigger the problem, the bigger the reward. Think in terms of solutions, accept responsibility and take charge.

[kevin2]

Good morning all,...and hello and welcome to the new people I see,..Neil, JeffR1,..soberpeter (love the new name) and others. Well, many of you know that I have been reading here and posting occasionally for a pretty long time now. I've not posted as much recently because I had never been able to come to grips with a decision to actually try to "quit drinking entirely". It has now happened,...and has been a long time coming. No real "rock-bttom" for me luckily I guess,...but things at home finally came to a head over the weekend and it's come to the point that I just have to quit. Without going in to all of the details and posting a novel,...I consider myself a good Father (of 4 ages 3,5,7, and 9),..a good/adequate husband of almost 11 yrs. now, a good employee of almost 15 years with the same Co.,...all the while knowing that I'm technically an alcoholic.,...a functional alcoholoic but I have a problem nonetheless. I made a big mistake on Saturday,..and one that I knew better of when I did it. To make a long story short,..I was keeping the kids while my wife was working on Saturday. I didn't drink at all on Friday night and was really looking forward to my usual 12 pack of beer on Saturday evening and night. My wife was working late and was going Christmas shopping after work,..and not planning to be home until after 8:00. The problem was I had no beer,..and with the 4 kids and only my truck,..I had no way of getting any. I thought it over,...made the kids dinner and while they were sitting down eating I made the choice to sneak out and drive to the store,..leaving them home alone. The store is literally 4 blocks away and I was gone exactly 7 minutes. In that time, my wife decided to stop by the house before going shopping and pulled in the drive-way right before I did. She wasn't happy to say the least and knew right away what I had done and where I had been,...and knowing her as I do, I knew I had F'ed up bigtime. Without a big scene in front of the kids,..she asked/told me to pack some things and leave for "a while",..which I did. I went straight to a bar (which I rarely ever get to do anymore),..drank as much beer as I could in a two hour period (probably 10-12),..and then somehow drove to a hotel and checked in,..went to the store next door and bought more beer,...continued drinking until I passed out. I woke up the next morning (yesterday) not knowing what hotel I was in or even what part of town,...not a good feeling. My wife and I met yesterday to talk,..things went well for the most part,...and both agree that we want thing to work out. She asked me to quit drinking,...start going to AA meetings (which she is dead set on for some reason) to which I agreed,..promising she will quit drinking also. Whlie she has a drinking problem herself,...she has far more contol and will-power with it than I do (she knows when to say when as she likes to say),..but she knows it is the best thing for her as well. She did ask me to go ahead and stay out of the house for the week at least,..which really caught me off guard and I was not in favor of obviously,..but I agreed. I checked in to an extended-stay type of hotel yesterday,..which will be home for while. So here I am at work on Monday moring 12-12 and starting my Day 2. This week is going to be tough,..and staying in a hotel alone and away from my family is not going to make it any easier. I am going to do what I promised but having all of this new found alone time will be difficult,..because I am very used to having no such time. We have told the kids that I will be staying with my best friend who is going through a "hard time",...which is not true of course, but it worked for the kids at least. They have called me 5 times already which is wonderful but also bitter-sweet.

I apologize,..this post went longer than I had planned,..but just wanted to let everyone know where I am at right now and why. To those just starting like me,...peter, Neil, JeffRi, Jeff,..and Ken1 (get back on the horse and do this with me),..this is all new to me and I have no idea (other than what I've read here from others) what to expect. Any words of encouragement,..advice etc. is greatly appreciated. No pity party for me,..but I'm in a very new and unfamiler place right now.
Thanks for listening folks,...I am so lucky to have a place like this and friends like you guys to talk honestly to in a time of need.

[bdog]

Welcome all new people and JeffR1,

I don’t always have a lot of time to write but try to read at least once a day. Wow! some real tough stuff over the last day or two. Kevin2 I too had a really bad incident last Thursday and although I live alone a couple of good people saw me in outside in a stage that I could not walk or talk. It doesnt happen often but I am still very embarrassed. I thought I was going to lose more friendships but luckily one My friends who cleans my house e-mailed me and said she understood. And hopes I can work thru it. This is the worst time of year for me. Lost many loved ones and lost my father on Christmas Eve several years ago. I wish the best for everyone this time of year because it is my most depressing time and the time I make the most mistakes.

[Eric]

kevin2, that is a very powerful post and a good reminder where this disease can take us. I really hope you find sobriety here and in the articles. AA can be a very supportive group for achieving sobriety, especially when the alternative is continued drinking. There are alternatives, of course, but continued drinking is not a sane one.