I am sorry Sam. I have been reading and not posting. I am thinking about you but how could you know that if I don't post!?! You have been extremely supportive to me and I thank you.
Originally Posted by Sam
Congratulations on 30 days Dragonfly!
Sam, I am so sorry. Don't you dare leave. We sometimes just need a thump on the head. I went back to read a few posts and notice that you have been sick with flu. Are you better? What is going on??? Are you struggling ? What day are you on? I am sorry for being hyper focused on myself and mairianna (who was my original same day sober partner) to make sure we both got back on the wagon. I plan to now go back and read all the posts and catch up on old friends and find out about all the new folks too.
Last edited by Millie; 11-03-2011 at 05:24 AM.
Dragonfly. Congrats on 30 days. Awesome!!
Sam-you keep with the forum. I've have just been getting caught up on reading all the posts as like you said, it's hard to keep up with all the new and old people on here.
I'm just starting to go back and read them with more time and just starting posting on this main forum.
You know you have alot of support on here please don't take any of this personal.
How are you feeling? Are you alcohol free and how long?
Oh, Sam - don't go. And I hope that you are feeling better, did you get your results from your doc visit? You know, not everyone 'remembers' to respond to me or to other people and at other points peeps are focusing on their own issues/problems/struggles (yes, maybe selfish - but sometimes that's all you can see). Don't think that just because someone isn't reaching out to you all the time that somehow you aren't in people's thoughts. You are.
And today in my oh-so-glamourous life . . . extreme not-getting-better hip pain. I ended up having to sleep on the couch to get any rest (keeps me immobile, cause I fall inbetween the cushions). So, waiting to hear if I can get an appt. with my doc or a doc to see if they have any thoughts about how to treat this. The pain is bad, but even weirder is - if I have to use my thigh muscles to lift my leg . . . I can't do it. Total muscle weakness. Blerrrggghhh. Upside - absolutely no wish to drink, because that would involve movement.
Dragonfly....congratulations on your 30 days!! Your posts have been very inspiring. I am sorry to hear that you are still having some struggles with the partner. Me too! But I am trying to take that just one day at a time too and not over react. I have to have faith that things are going to work out the way they are supposed to no matter the outcome, and that it will be the perfect thing for me, along the way and in the end.
Sam....you must be feeling low today. We all care about you on this forum. There is no need to go away now.
Millie and Marianna, the bond you two have is so wonderful to read about here. Keep it up.
Samantha, Sally, Ruth, Christy, and Carol.....you are all so inspiring, and I look forward to your words of honesty.
Erin, angel...what more can I say.
Bill Smit, I hope you find your way back to where you were, and you don't let things spin out of control. Look forward to hearing more from you.
Ken and Kevin, glad to hear from you guys.
Billy hope things are still rolling along in the right direction for you. Haven't had a quote from you in several days! I always enjoy those and find personal meaning in them.
Elsa, Kat, and so many of the newer posters here, it is good to read your honest words, and all the strength you are summoning to forge a new journey without self medicating.
Brie and Kimber....where are you at these days?
Frog...haven't heard from you in a while....hope all is well, and you threw away the ointment.
I am going through that phase of intense emotional feelings. It seems part of the day as I go about those things I need to do, I am basically ok, but when I find my day is done, or through the evening, or early morning hours, my mind races with all kinds of thoughts and I have all kinds of emotions to go along with it. My past catches up to me everyday it seems, and I have to remember to step outside myself and recognize, my thoughts are only that, it is my actions today that make my reality. I have to sometimes just let things be, have patience, and perseverance. Try to do some simple thing good or special for myself, and let today just take care of itself. I hope that might make some sense.
Big Hugs to everyone, posting or not.
Last edited by Julliet; 11-03-2011 at 08:20 AM.
Wow Juliet. Great post and your last paragraph absolutely makes sense. It is amazing how much trouble that voice in our head is sometimes. Are you going through anything medically, such as perimenapause, etc. That could be causing the intense emotions??? Hugs to you. Hang in there.
Dragonfly, I have been so looking forward to this day! You have earned this. I know are committed for the long haul, but it is still worth taking a moment to savor this milestone. You have been taking care of yourself and putting yourself first, and that is so important. I know things in your life haven't been easy, but you have been posting with grace and trying to live that way. Well done.
Sam, you have finally been getting traction. I know it hurts to put yourself out there and not get a response, then feel lost in the midst of new people and back and forth with old folks, and feel not included and maybe taken for granted. You have thanked me for my help, but you have also been an inspiration for me, and I truly hope that for both your sake and ours you will be willing to come back to us. Sorry I have been too busy to post much this week.
And I've got to run now. Still much more to say but lots going on right now. Hope to "talk" to y'all more soon!
Forum dynamics are interesting and I am still getting the hang of it although I have been here for awhile. I know it is always nice to see your own name in someone's response, but as someone who has also gone for long stretches without it, is there still something to benefit from here? I say, of course. Why are we here? We are here to heal from alcoholism. It is nice to have companionship and recognition, but the work we have to do is to learn how to stop drinking and to build new healthy habits. Sam, I am not writing this especially for you, just thinking about some of the ups and downs over the last month or two. There is a benefit to the sort of anonymous aspect of AA and of forums like this one- people can be truthful and can process things in their own ways, but with a forum, when we are sitting here in our bathrobes or whatever, we feel more intimate, and maybe expect that intimacy from others. I am sorry when I see someone get their feelings hurt here, but I always come back to the main question- where does this conversation fit in getting better, in stopping drinking, in getting healthy, both mentally and physically?
Sam, for you, I think you see that you have a lot of support here. I know that for many if not all of us, this is a self-focused journey, and many of us (women, most of us) have given our power over to alcohol, men, whatever, so I would say to keep that in mind if it seems like people are focusing on themselves. At this point it is a natural and probably healthy thing. There is nothing wrong with asking for support, and this is for anyone who is feeling neglected. There are many ways of asking for more personal responses- you can send private messages to people, or just say "I am feeling lonely- is anybody out there who wants to talk"? I know it is pain talking when the threat to "quit the forum" comes up. Everybody here makes a contribution, and there is a lot of love and support here for everyone.
Sam please don't leave. I look forward to everyone's post. I check in alot and when I don't see post I'm disappointed so I guess that means I should post more.
Starting Day 4. Feeling good and positive.
I went into recovery in 1991 and quit alcohol but kept the smoking cigs and mj. Stayed off alcohol for 6 1/2 yrs Relasped when mom died in 97. Been drinking since. It hit me this morning what a difference this time will be. I quit smoking everything 7 yrs ago. All those things together went hand in hand. If I had one I had to have the other. I'm down to the alcohol now. This weekend will be a test. I need to plan alot of things, having a garage sale Fri. and Sat. am wondering about Sat. night though. My husband is working this with me, he just says his not thinking about it. I told him I am still romantisizing about drinking, he said he did that with cigs. not this. Thought I would leave it at that for now. I want him to read these post sometime soon so he knows where my mind is. He's never been in recovery.
Need to start working.
Everyone have a positive day!
Ali, I still romanticize about drinking, now 5 months in...but I don't drink. One step at a time, and the urges and thought patterns will change along the way. Don't wonder, just make the plan and commit to it. I am with your husband- if you know that you need to quit, then decide to quit and no looking back!
Well I let my guard down and I am looking for a new day 1. Not their yet! Got cocky AGAIN and I thought and romantized and couldn't get the thoughts out of my head and it beat me again. I can't be a normal drinker! I need to get that through my thick skull of mine, but I just can't!!
Sorry if I let anyone down! It took me a while to right this
Time, energy, love and money (not even considering my health issues). What a waste!!
Billy, I'm pretty sure I can speak for everyone here... but you didn't let me down, for sure!! You had a good trial run, you can do this! Don't beat yourself up, you are the FIRST person to lift anyone else up on this forum, you should be included in that group. You're real about it, and I admire that. You're HUMAN. Still one of my favorite people here and still "Dad" to me!
When you are ready for day one, we will be here to support you. I know it took me awhile to get going again. I can say that I am I am soooo happy to be back on wagon again. Day 5 today.
Erin. I haven't exercised today yet, but plan too. I will post when I get it done!!
Thanks Millie, but no, I don't think my mental, emotional issues are due to hormonal, menopause, cuz I am done with that for about 2 years now. It is simply facing without a drink for almost 60 days, what I have been ignoring and shoving under the rug for years now with a drink. Simple as that. I hid for years, and now I can't hide anymore. It is what it is, and all I can do is move through each day, take positive action, seek personal growth, and just deal with it, one day at a time. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I know I cannot control it, so, there you are. Complete surrender. Everywhere you go, there you are.
I appreciate all the support I get on this forum, and I appreciate everyone who posts here. We may be traveling different paths, but we are all on the same journey.
Ali-I think we will all have thoughts of drinking after being sober so long. I think our brains are trained that way with alcohol so prevalent, but it is a committment to say no to it and know there are many reasons not to drink. Family, friends, and health issues. Relationships are so much better without it. And the friends you thought you had drinking with them, you find out that are they really your friends. Not! Better off without people that can't accept you for your sobriety, then i guess they weren't true friends in the first place.
Billy-we will always be here for you when you need us.
Everyone try to have a great and sober Thursday!
And everyone. Sam dont stop writing. I stopped writing a couple of weeks ago because I felt like you I was reaching out and didnt feel anyone was listening. I have only made it 3 or 4 days the last three months but i keep trying. dont give up. Im not good at sharing my feelings online. but i keep reading and am greatful to just read all the well wishes people have for each other even though we cant remember everyone. Keep quitting. Keep writing it helps people like me who have a hard time telling my same story.
I had to laugh when I read this post Sam......I have often come on this site and read posts where a lot of folks insist on replying to a handful of people directly in one post...always leaving someone out....suck it up buttercup...your recovery is about you...but I have news for you .... "everything" isn't about you..or ME ... as much as we would like it to be......I would love to connect with someone too....but I haven't reached out really to anyone on here...you never sent me an email...I would have responded....and still will...
Brie, that 'suck it up, buttercup' comment made me giggle! I have to tell myself that almost every day. lol Sam, no one overlooked you on purpose and no one wants you to leave. Sometimes I feel overlooked, too. I'm not implying this is the case here, but for me, when I start feeling like no one is paying attention to me, that's when I realize maybe I have a little too much focus on myself at the moment. I post to encourage other people because it makes me feel better. Anyway, look at all the comments you got... you ARE loved.