How to stop drinking

[carol]

Kimber, welcome and congratulations on 12 days! I know it's hard to sit there with a cooler full of beer but don't drink it! If you have been reading posts here you'll see a lot of folks that would be so envious that you've gotten that far!

Please consider reading a lot of the posts here and also Patrick's wonderful articles on the home page at spiritual river.com. Look for the one on the 30 day trial and see if you'd like to commit to 30 days.

When I started here I had a hard time making it past 2 weeks and now I'm at 4 months.

Good luck!

[Ruth]

Hi Kimber and congratulations on the realization that you can't control your drinking. I know that sounds weird, but that realization is the first and most important step you can take. I have been lucky that my husband, although he drinks, does not care one bit about alcohol, so I haven't been tempted that way, but I have been tempted and the alcoholic, addictive voice has told me over and over again (even today, in fact) that I am fine, I can have a drink and it will all be OK. But you and I both know that it won't be OK, that sooner or later, I will end up drunk and ashamed, maybe sick and eventually dead from this. What I can tell you is that it does get easier, it does get better, the intensity of the cravings weakens as you build a different response to whatever it is that urges you to drink. Stay strong and keep posting!

[Ruth]

(just finished reading the other back posts) Hey, Peter- I agree... it is better when you are here. Maybe now is the time to take the gloves off! Thank you, all who sent congratulations. How funny that I had to stop and calculate to see that I had hit and passed 100 days- I never would have thought it.

Billy, white knuckle your way through it... you are tough and can push through whatever feelings come up for you. One thing is for sure... if you don't drink, you will wake up sober and one day closer to a newer, healthier you. That goes for all who are struggling. Put your own health and well-being FIRST, in front of anything else, even your momentary happiness and pleasure, or whatever you think you will get out of drinking. As I said before, the more time you put between you and the bottle, the more clearly you will see things and, trust me, you will wake up one day and realize that you are now a non-drinker, and that alcohol has lost its terrible pull on you.

[serena]

Thanks everyone on your insight on what my husband might be feeling and the lack of conversation on his part. I do believe whole heartedly that he just needs to do this on his own. Like I said...I share what I feel about my own addiction, but I thought about it today and I don't share EVERYTHING, so I imagine that he is just dealing with this on a personal level. I'm just so very proud of his accomplishment!! I do tell him that periodically so he knows that it does not go unnoticed! He's not one to share his every thought on a normal day not pertaining to drinking, so I can imagine this is even more difficult to discuss...he's kinda private. Funny thing is...when he was drinking...you couldn't MAKE him shut up. He share his inner most thoughts and repeated himself over and over and lived in the past alot. It was very annoying to me so I really kinda like this person. I think we will grow into a different kind of communication without the drinking and the hydro's on my side...this is a new life for both of us!

[Cathy]

Hi Ruth.....and anyone else who might be on tonight. This is the first time today posting for me, mainly because I've had a _itch of a day with cravings, and realize that I caught this head/sinus cold from my kids/grandkids (they had it last week). So I'm thinking part of the reason I felt so terrible yesterday was a combination of this thing......and withdrawal from the booze. So yeah....I woke up with a mild sore throat, headache and lethargic feeling. I haven't had an upper resp. cold in over a year.....so I guess I can't complain too much. Anyway Ruth I AM interested in exploring and discussing vitamins and supplements to help with the recovery process. You'd think being a nurse I would be all on top of my health, but I've never been able to stick to nutrients in pill form. When I was nursing, I regularly drank slim fast solely for the vitamins. And I drink ovaltine on a regular basis. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I don't have much of it myself today, but I didn't drink. A few times I became very agitated and snapped at my husband. I turned right around and apologized though because I'm not that way ordinarily. Well I'm rambling now so I'll cut this short. Just wanted to check in and say congrats to you guys who didn't drink today.......and especially you all who are in the very early stages like me.

Day 3 almost history!

[Ruth]

Kimber- do go back and read previous posts and you will see first-hand the perils of thinking that we can "moderate". For better or worse, most of us who end up in this position already are predisposed to addiction, and long-term drinking makes permanent changes in our brains, so I caution against that thought. I waffled and bargained with myself for years... decades! I found that really making a firm decision to go a length of time with NO alcohol made everything clearer. Forever sounds scary and impossible, so I will borrow a slogan from a friend...STAY- sober today and yesterday. DOn't worry about forever, but maybe commit to 30 days and go from there. For a long time I tried to convince myself that I was actually better for my family when I was drinking because I was less irritable (actually, I was pretty irritable while drinking, too!). It is worth it to push through and find out what life is like sober. Just keep your own health and well-being first and foremost. It is worth it to be less social, and sort things out, and as I think you know, you will open back up. Anyway, stay strong!

[Mairianna10]

Welcome Kimber. You're doing so well already. I would echo what others have said about committing to 30 days, I mean you're halfway there already. There will be some subtle changes in your life (for the better) by then. Certainly, that was my experience and I wanted to continue to change my life. Keep posting every day with your feelings.

[justin]

wishing everyone a good morning. woke up to a chilly start here on the jersey shore, but im in a great mood this morning. no hangover. i was tested yet again yesterday. i came home to a drinking wife again, and my cravings went into high gear. it sucks because my wife was asking me to spend time with her, and i just couldnt be around her. i again isolated myself with some candy and read more of my book. maybe her drinking is just going to make me stronger? i dont know. its not realistic to think ill never be put in situations where there is going to be alcohol. i just hope she doesnt cause me to fail. hey billy yesterday was day 6? thats awsome! it does feel great doesnt it? and as usual i want to thank everyone for your support and advice. bill smit im taking your advice today. i noticed lots of things that need to be done around my house, so ive got a full days worth of things to do and or fix. today is day 12 and i really am feeling great today, im abit nervous though, the last relapse i had was on day 12. so wish me luck guys. anyway keep up the good work , and to you who are struggling just hang tough and keep trying.

[justin]

kimber, just wanted to say congrats on 13 days. thats a huge step. i have yet to beat this addiction, but the sober time i have gotten has been because of the encouragement from the people on here. so keep coming and keep being strong and you can do this.

[Cathy]

Hi Kimber. I'm chiming in with the others to welcome you. At 13 days you've already doubled my longest sober stretch in 5 years. I made it 7 days about a month ago, and keep getting stuck at day 3 or 4........heck sometimes day 2!! Day 4 for me and a little bit disbelieving that I'll actually push through this time. But I'm giving it my best effort with the wonderful help from this group of people. Just keep reading and posting. It's a tremondous help when times get tough.

[Billy]

Good AM everyone on this beautiful fall Saturday!

I white knuckled it and it was quite a ride but I did it and I'm at 7 days now. Thanks Christy, tapout (I've actually been a Boxing Inspector part time for boxing and MMA matchs throughtout NE for years; I know alot of the fighters for Tapout - I also did Victor Ortiz's fight a year or so ago when he won the belt) and everyone else for being there!! It means alot when we all have everybodys back and for being there when we need it most! Justin, thanks for the support!! I am so happy your doing so well my old friend!

I haven't gone 7 days since last lent when I went 20 days. The year before I made it the full 40 days of lent! When I asked my Son to stay over last night, which sadly to say he was reluctant at first, but he did, so that helped alot! His Mother, my ex, didn't want him to and I can't blame her; she's just looking out for him! I guess I have alot of amends to make up for and prove to him this is for real! He is still skeptical and I don't think he really believes me that I didn't drink all week, which hurts me that my own Son doesn't believe his own Father!! Boy, did I really mess things up!! Like my Mother use to tell me, you have to make your bed if you sleep in it (I think thats the way it goes - lol).

Welcome Kimber (and I hope I didn't forget anybody) - you are in the right place! I also hated the whole AA hype! I also seem to put how I feel in words much better than standing up in a room full of strangers trying to tell these people how I feel. Like come on. Here, your anonymous (Patrick we need a spell check - lol) and just say whatever your feeling with no judging, only encouragement and true friendships. Its hard to realize that we really know each other, but maybe thats whats so great! Even though we participate on this forum in like a vacuum, we all really do sincerely care for each other! It's really hard to explain and put in words the dynamic of this forum but if you stay long enough you'll realize what I mean, and I hope you do!!

Any hoo, everybody have a wonderful sober peaceful weekend and enjoy life for what it is and don't waste it in a bottle! Bring it on day 8 (Saturday - ugh), I hope I make it!

[Ruth]

Kimber (and Justin, too, for that matter)- many here have shared the difficulties of being with a spouse who still drinks, who undermines them etc., and it seems to be true that when we change our behavior, it can make others feel threatened. Kimber, your husband may also have a problem with alcohol, and many of us know what it is like to choose the bottle over our other friends and even our spouses. You need to focus on yourself now, though. He will either notice, look at himself and realize that he needs to make some changes or not, and you will take it from there, but for now, focus on yourself, in your current situation. COme here for companionship, call another friend, take a vacation, go to the library or Starbucks; do whatever you have to to succeed.

You too, Justin. I know you have the power to stay strong. YOur wife can make it more difficult for you, but she can't cause you to fail (I believe that is the addictive voice talking right there!). I remember last summer, sitting in the 100 degree heat, with amazing (many alcoholic) friends, musicians, and the table literally paved with sweating bottles of beer. They drink large ones in Greece, and they share. How many times did my hand almost reach for one? How many times did I just think, fuck it, send one over my way, what can it hurt? Luckily, somewhere inside, I knew that I would end up just like before, and that is not an option anymore.

ANd Cathy- get in the driver's seat! You are in charge, so make a plan that can pull you through the tough days. Write a diary with your worst alcoholic memories. Create a protocol to follow when you want to drink. Have lots of non-alcoholic beverages in the house and promise yourself to go for that or water first. Remind yourself that you have had so many experiences drinking, what does it mean to just miss that one, on that day? Commit for a finite period, 30 days, and then reassess. For me, this is life and death, and I think it is like that for all of you, too. Serious business. And I feel that if you are here, you have already shown that 1) you know you have a problem and 2) you want to change it. Just get up each day and commit to THAT day only. I know you can do it!
STAY (sober today and yesterday).

[Ruth]

p.s. Billy- make yourself a plan to get through this day. Movies? Walk the dog? GO for coffee somewhere where they don't serve alcohol? Drink tons of water... tell your friends you are on doctor's orders not to drink! Whatever it takes!

[MLT]

Hello all. I've been at it again for the last three nights. I am so sad today. My face is swollen, my heart is sad and my resolve is shaken. I just wonder if I will ever be able to do this. 20 sober years and then, BANG, a drunk for 5 years straight. I hugged my husband today and told him I was committing, yet again, to stop this brutal cycle. He started to cry and said he missed me. He said he tries to hold it in, but that it hurts him. Now I can't stop crying. How in the world am I going to do this? Today has to be day 1 again. But hopefully, tomorrow will be day 2. I cannot stand the guilt of hurting him this way. He is such a good man. This hurts so much and, of course, the only way to ease pain is to drink it away. Isn't that right? Is there another way? I want to live again but I don't know how.

[MLT]

Dragonfly, you inspire me. I am scared and hurt. I finally sat down with my husband and tried to talk it out a little. It is so hard to keep committing to be better and repeatedly failing. But I know that the only real failure is when you stop trying. I am working through this pain and am going to try again. Thank you for your support.

[serena]

Dragonfly...I thought about him being under this blog and not telling me because he knows that I come here and find it such a support, so wouldn't that be something??? haha

He did mention today to me that he has been distancing himself from any social settings that remind him of drinking or people that he used to drink with althought I had already noticed that, I was glad that he shared those thoughts with me. Tonight will be a challenge however (I'm thinking ahead) because the fight is coming on PPV and we have rented it and having some friends and family over and in the past, those were events that he would drink as do the people that are coming over. I am curious to see what happens. Maybe being at home will provide a sense of security for him that he doesn't have to drink and also I am going to be here to support him one hundred percent. So we shall see! Tonight is honestly his first test....I'm praying it all goes well.

[Ruth]

Glad to hear the positive steps everyone is taking. The first and most important step is recognizing the problem... then comes the hard work. MLT, have you considered going to some kind of treatment facility where you can get some firm support? Sometimes that is what a person needs to be able to just focus on getting better. I know the money sounds like a lot, but if you pay it back out of all the money you won't be drinking down in the future...LOL. Anyway, just a thought. You can do it, I know you can. It will suck sometimes, and you will get through it. Just remember that it will get better!

[Regina]

Life is so strange. Yesterday I had no desire to drink. I literally felt like I has passed that invisible line back to abstinence. Today all I can think about is drinking. I am going to ride out this urge but man, it is tough! I am thinking of all of you and hope you are each hanging in there. Weekends can be tough......

[Cathy]

Hi Regina,
You're not kidding about the strangeness of cravings from one day to the next. I'm on day 4 and I've been thinking about drinking all damn day. I've been trying to stay busy to keep my attention diverted, but thoughts of a few drinks keep nagging at me. My goodness...........

[Mel]

Regina - I hear you ! I've been feeling much the same. Yesterday, no cravings. None. Today . . . egads. It didn't help that I had a stressful morning today. I'm trying to make myself remember how I felt the most-recent day after - sick, nauseous, in pain, guilty, gross on every level. Good luck, stay strong.

I'm drinking coffee like a fiend, no doubt I'll be up all night at this rate. Also, have a call from a friend I need to take soon - so that should be a good distraction (unless, she is drinking on the phone - which she often does. esp. on a Saturday afternoon.) There is no reason to drink. It is an irrational activity. It makes me unreasoned and unreasonable. I need to be the better part of myself today and always.