How to stop drinking

[Samantha]

Hi Billy! Thats wonderful. Its hard as you know the first 4 or 5 days of withdrawal but you can do it. I know you can. I did it so I know you can! Every time you think to drink remember the feeling of losing your son. Life is better without alcohol. You just have to go through that withdrawal period and learn how to rely on this forum or other healthy things to not drink. Your son I believe is my son's age so I relate to you alot. Plus we started out together here! Sending good sober thoughts your way. Keep posting. We are all here for you.

[Mel]

Okay, today is day 5 - and I'm feeling okay again, more balanced. I'm taking lots of vitamins and trying to eat good (lots of veggies) and get lots of sleep. Next is to add back in exercise. This last relapse just felt so desperate and unnecessary - but, as I think Ruth pointed out, it vividly demonstrated to me how fragile this whole recovery thing can be and how I need to find ways to stay in it and with it long term.

Just found out about a surprise reception later today - I must have rolled my eyes somewhat, and everyone was like 'just think - free booze! on a Monday! woo-hoo!' I may have rolled my eyes again. Strangely enough, this relapse was completely private - did all the drinking at home, by myself (what's the definition of an alcoholic?). With my new colleagues I've essentially maintained a no-drinking persona. I just need to keep doing that and live it and make it happen.

Billy - GOOD LUCK! It is reallyreallyreally tough, but there are so many reasons to do it. And it does get better, it was better for me - and that is why it is so gutting (!) to fall back into old destructive patterns.

Take care everyone, old new and inbetween! Thanks to all for your kind words and thoughts. Every day counts, no?

[jenhan75]

Okay, day 3. So far, so good. I can do this. Today, I can be sober.... I hope. I will try & keep myself busy this evening. Evenings are hardest because that is when I usually drink.

[frog]

Billy! I'm sorry about your fight w/ your son, but how wonderful that it's brought you to this place where you are determined to give it up for good. I would love to join you! I've had a very hard time getting back to Day 1 after my first 30 days and my slip. So, I'll join you tomorrow, Day 1. Jenhan is on Day 3 too. Awesome.

Great posts - thanks for everything - "Success in recovery is all or nothing." I'm mad it's taken me this long to get back to Day 1. Time to move forward.

[Billy]

Frog - Great, we will keep at this and we'll feel like we'll be letting each other down if we slip (this worked with Mariana - spell check, Millie and someone else - sorry I forgot). Good support group and don't forget it was your idea!! (lol) Jen, are you with us? Anybody else just starting out want to join this fight? Someone out their just reading and not registered? Come on in! Just register and log in; its that easy! If your on this site your here for a reason! I love challenges! Looking forward to that new life!!

THANKS SAMANTHA!! I can do this and Mel, I know its going to be tough and white knuckled some days, but I AM GOING TO DO IT!!

[kevin2]

Okay, day 3. So far, so good. I can do this. Today, I can be sober.... I hope. I will try & keep myself busy this evening. Evenings are hardest because that is when I usually drink.

jenhan (and Billy) Good job to you both!! I'm not quite ready yet to commit to join you but I will make a suggestion for your evenings. On days that I do drink I always seem to start between 6:00 and 7:00,...and then eat dinner (if you can call it that) around 10:00 or 11:00 after I've already had my 10-12 beers. On days that I don't drink (usually 3 or 4 days a week when I'm doing well), I eat dinner right when I get home in the evening,...get full,..and then go for an hour or so walk, or to the gym in winter,..get the kids in bed, then read or watch TV until I'm ready for bed. Getting that full stomach really makes the urge to drink go away.

...I know at first it is hard to get used to eating at that time, when you are used to drinking,...same for me. Sometimes I have to almost force myself to sit down and eat when I feel like chugging beers,...but I do and it does seem to work.

[jenhan75]

Thanks for the tip, Kevin. In the past, that has worked for me too. I will definitely need to do that today. The cravings are already starting, and I am already trying to convince myself that it would be okay if I did drink as long as I don't get too drunk. This is madness. How in the world can a substance be so seductive and controlling?!?

[kevin2]

Thanks for the tip, Kevin. In the past, that has worked for me too. I will definitely need to do that today. The cravings are already starting, and I am already trying to convince myself that it would be okay if I did drink as long as I don't get too drunk. This is madness. How in the world can a substance be so seductive and controlling?!?

jenhan- I know exactly what you mean,...don't give in to it,...get your mind on something else,..go do something else. You're right it is madness. Sometimes I do much better than others,..sometimes for weeks or months at a time. It is a seductive and controlling substance no doubt,...BUT it also combines with an obsessive mind and personality for a nasty mixture,...which is the disease/hereditary part of it,...which probably describes all of us here. Stay strong with your decision my friend!!

[Ruth]

Dragonfly, you are punishing HIM by punishing yourself. I know you can make a positive decision for yourself. Is there anyone else you can stay with for a bit? Get some space and take a look at what you need? When you start to make positive changes in your life (which you have by recognizing alcohol as a negative force in your life) you are threatening to those who aren't ready to follow suit. Look down the road five years and ask yourself where you want to be... is he capable of being there with you? THese are hard questions, but you only get one life, so the sooner you sort it out, the better. I say all of this from a position of love and care for you. Please check back in...

[Samantha]

As a moderator of this forum I want everyone to feel safe posting. What may not seem like progress to one person may be to another. Patrick told me that awhile ago and it helped me to understand we are all in this disease of addiction and getting sober at the pace we are capable of at the moment. I've learned in sobriety there isnt anything one person can say to make me drink, just like there isnt anything one person could of said to make me stop. Has to hapoen for each person when they are ready. And when your willing and ready nothing stops you.

Dragonfly your awesome. Love your posts. And when your ready it will happen. I feel you are so close. It sounds like you need to resolve the partner issue as hes your trigger. But you were so clear headed this time sober I know you will do it. Big hug

Bill I hope you decide to give it another 30 days. I think you would really benefit from it. Drinking in secret, morning drink, hiding bottles, I did all that too. I dont know your situation at all, just your drinking style was like mine.

Sam so glad to have you back and with Billy!

[Ruth]

Hey everyone, take a step back and a deep breath...the first question is why are we here? We are here to process our issues around alcohol. Julliet, it seems like your buttons get pushed, and from experience I can say that if your buttons are getting pushed, you have an issue. We all need to hold each other in respect and compassion, and if you feel someone is in denial, Julliet, I think you are within your rights to notice, mention and share your experience, with the goal of actually helping. Blaming and venting aren't helping anyone, not even you.

Dragonfly, I sincerely hope you don't stop posting, because I think that for you, this forum has been healing and if part of your process still includes slipping then so be it. We have all slipped, every single one of us, just some of us did it before we went public. There is still a lot of love here and a lot of support.

[Millie]

Dragonfly,
I am not sure what is going on with Juliet, but I wouldn't take it personally. When folks lash out like that, I think it more re: what is going on with them re: what they are saying. You have done a great job of adding more and more days together... None of us is perfect. Life would be so much easier, if it was...well easy... Fact is it is damn hard. I hate that you slipped and worry re: how dangerous drinking that much is, but admire how you generally pick yourself back up after a slip and get right back to work.

I do think it would be easier for you, if you kicked that fellow to the curb... Not sure why you are holding on...but you have been doing a great job at focusing on yourself. Keep Doing that and when the time is right, he will either get his shit together, or you will get to a good place where you have the strength to break free.

I hope you are feeling better. Start back on day 1 and exercise 1 as soon as possible. You inspire us and we are routing for you.

Juliet, I not sure what is going on with you tonight, but I truly don't think it is about Dragonfly. I hope you are ok...

[Patrick Meninga]

I want you all to know that I am nowhere near banning anyone on this forum, but I would probably back up my moderators if they thought it was necessary.

That said, I really like what Samantha said about how she wants people to feel safe posting here.

Ultimately that is all that matters.....that people can post safely here, and just try to get relief, support, and help.

It will never be a perfect world because sometimes, in recovery, we have to "call people out" in order to help them. We keep each other in check sometimes. I don't know if that is necessary here or not, maybe it is. But doing so is always a risk. Doing so will always seem like a personal attack. Doing so will always elicit defensiveness. But, sometimes it still needs to be done. I have no idea if that is the case here or not. I really don't. I'm not a moderator and I have never tried to think or act like one.

That said, I trust my current moderators quite a bit, and I like what Samantha said. Make it safe here, and be nice! Everyone.

This is a unique forum in that many people here are transitioning into recovery. I have never seen that on a recovery board. All that I have seen are just people with established clean time. Maybe they moderate out the others? Who knows. This place is unique in that there is almost no censorship at all, the mods delete almost nothing.

Would love to keep it that way. Such a neat group here!

[Millie]

Just wanted to tell you dragonfly to ignore juliet's rants, pick yourself back up and start day 1 and exercise day one as soon as possible. You have been doing a great job of focusing on yourself and your growth, and stringing together more and more days together without slips. Yeah, he got to you this time, but think back on how many times the last few weeks he tried, but failed to do so. He is slowly losing his power. I truly believe when you are ready, you will have the strength to make the necessary changes in your relationship.

Juliet, I am not sure what is going on with you tonight, but sincerely hope that you are ok. I know that you have been dealing with your own issues, triggers, and regrets. My heart goes out to you too.

[Millie]

Juliet, what do you mean that you are "terminal"? And that there are no second chances??????

[Mairianna10]

Just came on for my usual boost to get me through another day. Stunned by the last few posts! Dont know what to say and I hope I dont add to the upset. Dragonfly, you were so close to 30 but you can pick yourself up and start afresh and it will be easier this time. I really think you need time away from your man just to be you. Julliet, no you cannot get back lost time or lost children but you can build up a good relationship with the people in your life again, slowly. My sister lost her daughter recently, she was 19. I dont know how she copes day-to-day but she does. We dont talk much, I just dont know what to say, can't seem to say the right thing. I remember in the very early days I would ring each morning and say "How are you?, etc" until one day she said "Please dont ask me how I am, please don't ask me if I've slept and please dont ask if I've eaten!" I was upset but I realised I couldnt get to where she was ever (I hope I never do). I need to go see her. You and Dragonfly have had the most devastating loss a woman can have. Perhaps that's why she got the rant. Hope your OK. There I go, my sister would say "please dont ask me if I'm OK!". x

[rosella]

I'm a little at a loss for words- I can only send my best wishes to all of you.
I was also in a long term relationship with a man that, in the end, the only thing we had in common was drinking. I would want to drink with him because that was the only time we would communicate. Alcohol had weakened me mentally and spiritually and it took me too many years to finally leave. My drinking definitely slowed down after we separated and on Day 25 today I know that I could never have accomplished that had I still been with him. In hindsight I should have left him much earlier. The upside is I got two beautiful daughters from that relationship and they a true blessings. Even now though, after 16 months of being separated, his treatment of me is always a trigger to drink. So much easier to deal with now we are apart though. So I know how hard it is to leave a destructive relationship but there is no other option if you really want to beat this and live life to it's full potential.
So stay cool everyone. Tomorrow's a new day so let's make it a sober one

[rosella]

Bill S, congratulations on your 30 days. I'm due to reach it Sunday!! Quite a milestone! I think I'll continue. If ( or should i say when) I get to 90 days, it will be my youngest girl's 3rd birthday. That's my goal!!

[Mairianna10]

Bill, well done, 30 days, fantastic. How do you feel about carrying on?

[Billy]

As a long time member of this post I just would like to say one thing about all the recent post and hope it ends here: Enough already!

Dragonfly - I look forward to hearing about your recovery and how you cope with your present situation because you are not the only person going through what your going through and you have a gift of helping other people through difficult times! Thank you!

Julliet - Good luck to you! Please keep us updated on your situation as painful as it may be! You have been a member of this group a while and we do all care!

Bill s - Everybody is different, your right, but if I may just say one more thing - I would like to recommend that you go back and read your 1st few post before you make your decision. Good luck with you on whatever path you take and I wish you nothing but success my friend!

Samantha - "When you are willing and ready, nothing stops you." I love that!!

Sam & frog - Thanks for joining me in a quest for the Holy Grail of that new life! All newcomers are more than welcome! I am on 3 days. How about you Julliet!

Peace EVERYBODY!!