Missy, my thoughts go out to you. Same thing happened to me on 30 dec and my wife shut me out of our bedroom and left for new year party w friends. It is a terrible feeling. Just getting to the site is a super start. I will be here a lot this week as I depart for business trip to SoCal this a.m. and these trips are full of drinking opportunities. I hope to avoid these by staying outdoors in my free time. There is power on this site; please let it help you. I only joined yesterday but it was so clear that this is helpful. Take good care..we're all in this together.
Happy New Year to everyone!
I was visiting and reading posts all through christmas vacations, but I was afraid of posting in case of jinxing my one-year anniversary of being sober..And I made it!! I made it one whole year of NO drink at all!! My top priority was to achieve that goal this year, and I will always have this no matter what happens in the future! And I have all of you to thank as contributors to this, and this site and Patrick, so once more: thank you!
Now, as some of you might remember, as much as I wanted to stay sober for one year, I had second thoughts about being totally sober for life.. For that reason I think it'd be best if I stopped posting from now on, and that's why I wanted to make sure I wish to all of you and Patrick all the best for the new year and the rest of your lives..I've had some great discussions in here, and I have been so amazed by the sensitivity, compassion and insight that I have seen by so many people in here, people who by turning to alcohol are blinded to their own amazement! I only hope every one of you is able to stay sober AT LEAST long enough to realize their own potential and strength..Because alcohol blinds us not only of the problems we experience, but also of our positive qualities..
A happy, healthy, successful and loving New Year to all!!
Good luck, Theodor, and be careful- I don't know the extent of your drinking before you quit, but stopping alcohol is tricky, and you don't somehow regain the ability to drink moderately just because you abstained, no matter how long. GOod luck to you, and χρονια πολλα και καλι χρονια to you!
Missy, I agree with Sally- is there someone or an organization you can go to? Especially if he is abusive, even verbally abusive to you.
Are you really resolved and ready to quit? That is the key questions. As Patrick has said, nobody really wants to quit 100%- we all kind of wish we could keep on drinking, just without the negative physical side effects (I know I have had that thought more times than I care to admit!). For me, just focusing on the day in front of me worked- I resolved that no matter what happened that day, I would not drink. Some people have had to do things like have somebody hold on to their money, etc. I wrote every bad thing (well, not all of them, that would have been enormous!), well, the worst things, down in a journal and promised myself I would read it while drinking a glass of water if I ever really thought I would pick up another drink. Drink lots of water, take vitamins, don't let yourself get hungry. And it would be great if you could off-load that man (sort of kidding, here).
Hang in there, everyone, and STAY (sober today and yesterday).
Missy, I read your post this morning and have been thinking about what I could possibly say that might be of some help. The first thing I thought of when you said your husband was filming you was the scene from TV where David Hasselhoff's daughter filmed him lying on the floor drunk eating a hamburger. She was saying on the video that she was going to show it to him in the morning so that he could see he needed to get help. I can't possibly know what you are going through from only one paragraph, but let me ask you, is your husband yelling at you because you are drinking and you are drinking because he is yelling? If so, that is a monster that feeds on itself and will only continue to grow. As the ladies said, if you are truly being abused, seek professional help. But he made be at a place where he needs help because he is not equipped to deal with an addict. Did your rehab not insist he attend Al-Anon?
We all have hit our own personal rock bottoms, and it is usually not one incident but a series of events. Patrick has said in many of his articles that it often takes multiple trips to rehab to get better for almost everyone that goes, so consider going back to them for help or finding another facility. You can contact Patrick at the main site for just this reason.
I have been spending time reading in some of the other threads, especially in the "Forum: Helping addicts and alcoholics to find recovery" thread and it has given me a new perspective and appreciation for all the suffering and misery we cause to those that try to love us and help us when we are full on raging addicts. We can be selfish and so self centered that we don't even realize that we are causing harm to anyone else. We can use this as motivation to seek help, but ultimately we have to do it for ourselves and no one else. While we are getting better, we can make amends to those that we have hurt, and the healing and love can then flow both ways. Missy, you have a lot on the line and so much more to gain! You are a good person and very valuable, so love yourself enough to get the help you need. You made a great choice in reaching out here on this forum, I am proud of you for having the guts to take such a bold step! Everyone deserves to be happy, and that includes you.
You have a family and 3 beautiful children, use them as motivation to seek the help you need. Make a goal of not drinking today, make sure you eat so that that craving does not sneak up on you, pour out any alcohol you have in your house, and consider finding an AA meeting. I hope what I'm saying makes sense, I'm going to say a prayer for you and hope you continue to post here and tell us how great your recovery is progressing!
20 Tips for a Positive New Year
1. Stay Positive. You can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible or you can trust that with faith and an optimistic attitude all things are possible.
2. Take a morning walk of gratitude. I call it a "Thank You Walk." It will create a fertile mind ready for success.
3. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
4. Zoom Focus. Each day when you wake up in the morning ask: "What are the three most important things I need to do today that will help me create the success I desire?" Then tune out all the distractions and focus on these actions.
5. Instead of being disappointed about where you are, think optimistically about where you are going.
6. Remember that adversity is not a dead-end but a detour to a better outcome.
7. Don't chase success. Instead decide to make a difference and success will find you.
8. Get more sleep. You can't replace sleep with a double latte.
9. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
10. Mentor someone and be mentored by someone.
11. Live with the 3 E's. Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.
12. Remember there's no substitute for hard work.
13. Believe that everything happens for a reason and expect good things to come out of challenging experiences.
14. Implement the No Complaining Rule. Remember that complaining is like vomiting. Afterwards you feel better but everyone around you feels sick.
15. Read more books than you did in 2011.
16. Don't seek happiness. Instead decide to live with passion and purpose and happiness will find you.
17. Focus on "Get to" vs "Have to." Each day focus on what you get to do, not what you have to do. Life is a gift not an obligation.
18. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished____________.
19. Smile and laugh more. They are natural anti-depressants.
20. Enjoy the ride. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy it.
Great tips for new year.. Travel all day with two stopovers..complained about rushing until it occurred to me that it left no airport bar time..! A blessing I never would have imagined, much less appreciated..strength to all here..
Well, back to Day 1. I made it 32 days and then choose to drink. Funny thing is that it happened at my parents house and my dad has over 25 years of sobriety. I had decided to put meditating and exercising on hold to spend more time with my family. As with so many things, I had great intentions and no will or ability to carry them out. Luckily, there were no huge binges, but my drinking patterns, feeling, and effects were going right back to the way they were before. This is a good lesson that this disease doesn't ever take a break and neither can I. I need to make sure that I always do those things that are keeping me sober as my top priority.
Happy 2nd day of 2012! I've been reading a few posts here and there when I've had a free moment. I'm busier than usual this week as I'm off all next week and traveling to Seattle- hi Ruth! Also fighting a cold and at least so far mostly winning but still a little more tired than normal. It's not a good time for me to be sick, not that there's ever a good time. Patting myself on the back for not drinking today. Probably the biggest drinking trigger for me is fatigue- or maybe hunger- hard to say, both are trouble. But today I didn't drink. I had a couple of thoughts of drinking but they didn't really take hold, thankfully, so I had it easy today. It's always a relief to make it to bed sober. Wishing you all the same!
Allyson, I have been having thoughts of drinking more then I would care for. I have to believe this is all part of the process. I think we all would be living in a fantasy world if we expect to just remove those deep rooted drinking thoughts from our minds without a fight. Like they say..."No pain no gain"
Each time we get through these urges we become stronger. Drinking was our lifestyle. We need to change our lifestyle. It's a positive change, but with this change we are forced to confront our own demons face to face without self medicating them. This his hard for all of us!
I still find strength in numbers with this message board. I made this commitment to myself and am sharing it with all of you. There is something about not letting myself down and all others who are sharing the same common commitment of staying completely sober.
Leading by example will help me and help others. tomorrow is day 40. This feels good but I am not satisfied. One year is what I am really after. if I can make it through every season of the year I will consider that a huge millstone.
Work hard everyone on changing your lives for the better. You deserve it.
Hey all. Today is the end of day 2!! This is also my first post. I am really glad I found this forum. It really is helpful.
Hi All: it's always a boost to stop in here and read the posts!
Welcome John2012, Kip, Missy, and all newcomers. There is hope in these pages, grab on with both hands.
Thank you Carol, Ruth, Sally, Samantha, Christy and more! For blazing and sharing your journey of sobriety ahead of me.
I‘ve noticed we are missing some people who used to post, hope you are lurking and planning to come back.
I have nothing of note to say today, back to work after some holiday time off, looking forward to whatever sobriety brings. Already I’ve had some surprises that the clarity of not drinking has brought, and someone said (sorry, I can’t find the post to credit you), someone said something like this: sobriety brings insights we didn’t know we were missing. I’ve already had a bit of that, I’m looking forward to more.
Thanks JamesG for your list for the new year, I copied it to keep.
The problem of course with naming people is the others might feel unacknowledged, please everyone know that every post has great value to me!!! Thank you for the courage to be here.
I'm not counting days, but for the new people, I'll tell you that I am 11 weeks sober on Tuesday, or 77 days, some of those days have felt longer than the words 11 weeks sound, lol! Not even three months and yet I feel like I am inhabiting an entirely new world. Wow. I suppose one thing that is new is that I don't have to hide anymore, and yet I actually don't exactly know how to be myself without hiding.... On with the journey.
James - congratulations on 40 days - this is an amazing journey - no? And your lists are so inspiring.
John - welcome and 2 days is a major accomplishment - you can do this - just keep reading and posting - this site can be a life saver!
Pearl - 77 is a good number - I like the sound of that. You have so inspired me as well as I continue on my journey. Kudo's to you.
For 2012 I am no longer counting days either - because as of this year I am now a non-drinker - period! Today is the first day of the rest of my life sober. Every day is day1.
Life is good - just look inside yourself and find the true beauty that you have been hiding for so long - and then let it out!! Start living! Death to alcohol (lol).
Up early and feeling good. I have the coffee brewing and will go do some spiritual reading in a bit. My whole mood changed yesterday when I was able to get back to yoga, exercise, and healthy eating. Any urge to drink just completely disappeared. These are definitely important elements of my sobreity. I will get back to focusing on basic early sobreity things and keep my program simple. I was trying to run while I was still only crawling in early sobreity. Thanks to everyone for being here.
Good morning all..or おはようございます in Japanese..so much of which I erased with alcohol, but that's gonna change. Starting day 3 w a run here in warm California. It's -6C in SC this morning.. Brr... Then off to work at California speedway driving cool cars. A good reason to be sober...lol. I swear this forum is what i needed all along.. I may not be able to post that much but I am reading it like crazy! Up to pg 37 of this post.. Just made a list of triggers this early a.m. thanks to a bit of jet lag.. Goodness, there are dozens..people, places, experiences, etc.. Next is positive list to take action every time a trigger sneaks up... Have a great day everyone..I am hoping for all of us to be sober when our heads hit the pillows tonite..
Hello all! Back to work and school, time to un-decorate. I am feeling pretty good, day 6. Having restless sleep, I am gonna have to start my exercising this week, that was key last time, it really helps but I just have to get back into it. I will not take that first drink because I cannot drink in moderation, I actually don't think I was ever able to. It is an everyday battle and I don't want to let my guard down because it will sneak up on me. Stress is a part of life and drinking to escape does not help, it only makes it worse in the long run by zapping energy and time, also putting love and money in jeopardy!
Sally - I like the way you put that...everyday is day one because everyday is the first day of the rest of your life! Today is all that really matters, what we make of it, what decisions we make.
Congrats to all for your progress, everyday is progress and there is always something positive to come out of our experiences, good or bad. Keep thinking positive.
Hello everybody - First post for me. I found "Spiritual River to Recovery" the other night after googling "how to stop drinking alcohol". I couldn't stop reading all the articles presented in "Overcoming Alcoholism by Yourself - Is It Possible" - I learned so much about my drinking - knowledge is power! Those articles/essays really spoke to me. I've been drinking a daily 1/2 bottle to 1 bottle of wine for the last 18 months or so. I'm on day 2 of sobriety. I'm feeling rather "out of it" today, pretty spacey and tired. I take it that this feeling is to be expected? Not really shaky or sick to my stomach, thank goodness.
I have zero desire for wine, so that is not a concern, but I would like to know when I can expect to feel "normal" again. I'm 61 years old and in pretty good health otherwise.
I think I'll reread some of those articles right now and see if the subject of withdrawal symptoms is covered - I'm sure it is...just wasn't paying attention the first time I read through.
Hey guys, Happy New Year to everyone! Back at work today and busy, so just getting a chance to post. It's great to see more activity on the board,..it was a ghost-town here this past week. So good to see some of the now folks still here as well as some of the "regulars". 2011 was definitly a different type of year for me, with lots of big changes occuring,..trying to quit drinking being the biggest and most important. I'm back on Day 5 now after slipping last week following 16 days sober,..so, not perfect but still happy with that. Honestly,.."never drinking again" still hasn't quite clicked with me (and I try to avoid looking at it that way),..so I do know that I still lack that all important "total surrender" that is a must,..but I have put together enough sober days now to realize that this IS the way to go for me. Best of luck and strength to all of you no matter if it's day 1 or month 7,...here's to a great 2012 for each of us (non-alcoholic toast)!
Someplace I read that any kind of distant future date for "trying drinking again" can help alleviate the fear and panic associated with "never drinking again". Like, I will try drinking again in five (or fifty or a hundred) years, and re-evaluate then. I also really like a frined of mine's habitual sign-off... STAY, sober today and yesterday. That is all that really matters at this point.
I also struggled with the never drinking again idea, and I know some people advocate not thinking about it that way, but since I am a realist, and I like to inform myself of how things work, I realize that my body has undergone a change and that I will never be able to process alcohol like other people- and that is not an idea or an opinion, it is just the truth.
The little beam of hope is that as you get some time under your belt your feelings will change. Sure, the siren-song of the addictive voice will pop up now and then, but for me, I don't long for the old days of drinking like I used to, and I don't curse fate or anything. This is just the way it is, kind of like not owning a house. I would like to own a house, but that is just not in the cards and it will not be happening. And it is not that big of a deal.
Thanks for the great response Ruth,...I just saw it before I was leaving the office. I will respond at more length in the a.m. Have a great night! - Kevin
Day 3...Going strong
Hey Catherine...I am also new to the site and just getting started. Welcome! It is good to see others in the same boat!! I think that this site will be key for me. I have already found I look forward to reading it daily.
I went to dinner and a movie with my wife tonight. She was suprised when I did not order a drink so explained to her that my New Years resolution is to be the best husband and father I can be, that I have found that alcohol impedes that path for me and that it was time for me to "dig my toes into the sand and set a different course". She was really supportive.
On the way home I saw a police car that had pulled someone over. It felt great to know I had zero alcohol in my system!!!
Looking forward to day 4!!!
Good luck everyone....keep posting.