You're exactly right Ken,..and that exact scenerio was always a big trigger for me. I must say I have had the most "me" time, quiet time, time to think/pray etc. that I've had in over a decade. I guess getting banished to a hotel room will do that for ya. In some ways being alone has made quitting harder but in some ways the quiet, low-stress enviroment has been pretty helpful for me. I know I've read and slept more than any time in recent memory,..so I've got that going for me.
You are right John, she does,..and yes it does get me away from alot. In some ways it makes it tougher to quit drinking when you're all alone,..because I could break-over and no one would know but me,...I won't do it though. It's alot like what I picture rehab being like,..a very plain (yet very new and clean) cookie-cutter, small single-room,..a TV and a desk, a bed and that's pretty much it. I do think this will be the best for all involved though.
Hi guys- Vic, I have been in a kind of similar place, just minus the drinking. I have been low, not feeling like things are meaningful (how, I ask myself, when I have everything I ever wanted and then some?). I guess this is the next step that requires the massive action part. I feel isolated, like I have no friends, at least no one who really wants to hear what I am going through. At least that is how it feels. So I see that I have to reach out and make some changes. It is not like I am just sitting around doing nothing- I am a teacher, I play and rehearse a lot of music with my family, I direct a youth choir, it is just that I am feeling uninspired. I felt like this when I was drinking too, it's just that I would fill up that emptiness with alcohol, and now I don't. Maybe I just need to be this uncomfortable before I am willing to get off my butt and make some changes.
John - the image of being a 'hungry ghost wanting to be filled up, looking for inspiration, spirit'. That is what I was/am - what I am when I drink but its like (to pull out my nerdy classics background) drinking at the river in Hades (Lethe) - which to drink from is to forget. I drank to find something, but ended up forgetting - losing myself. Thanks for that.
Drinking was such an easy way to change my perspective/mood.
I could always convince myself why I should have that drink even though deep down I felt it was fundamentally wrong .
The reasons were endless. What an easy fix, it's no wonder why I fell prey to alcohol.
Today I was driving in town and went past a couple of restaurants that I have eaten at in the past.
What I remembered about these place was not the good food or conversation but the beer!
With all these years of drinking it will be extremely difficult to put aside the memories and move forward.
This realization scares me...It's like trying to run away but something has a hold of your arm so you can't break free!
I am determined as ever to get that grip loosened permanently so I can break free!!!
My journey goes into day 20 tomorrow...
Here's to FREEDOM everybody. Keep the faith!
The hungry ghost. Always trying to stuff down emotions and feel satisfied.... I have just read a couple of posts about how people feel like this (with and without Alcohol). I guess that is why people get addicted to stuff ... we all have holes that we are trying to fill.
Some practical suggestions to any who might be interested. Firstly, talking to a doctor can help. Depression is an extremely common thing and it may be just a chemical imbalance that could be holding someone back. I think that is what started it for me, after having kids hormones and all that all over the place. Anti-depressants helped a lot.
Secondly, I think that in many of us there is a spiritual connection that is missing. There are so many things out there, but you really need to find something that resonates with you. Go to book stores, lectures, forums and see if anything pops out to you. For me it is "The Journey" by Brandon Bays but for others it might be going back to church or meditation or motivational speakers. Basically anything that helps remind you that you are loved and protected, have endless potential and are connected to something powerful.
There is a lot of truth in the statement "Seek and you shall find" ... look what we all found here in this forum. God speaks through so many of you.
Well,..day 4 it is for me and all is well. A very slow day on the ol' forum to say the least. Where is everyone today?,..is there a big party going on somewhere today that I wasn't invited to?? Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well, hanging in there and keeping up the good fight.
Happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you...happy birthday dear Johnnie :]....happy birthday to you!!
Kevin2 - congrats on 4 days - you are doing AMAZING....
I am wrapping christmas gifts and thought I would take a break...
Have a wonderful night everyone - and don't drink - just think about how miserable you will feel tomorrow!
That's cold John,...very cold,...but Happy (belated) Birthday to you anyway I guess. "Exciled" is a GREAT word for it,..lol,..I love it!Originally Posted by John
My avatar/picture is very fitting for me this week,...Otis Campbell (The Andy Griffith Show),...I loved the way he would stagger into the jail, grab the keys from the hook and lock himself in "his cell" until he sobered up,..then would let himself out once he had.
Day 5 today and still going strong. I am feeling that "fog" today that others have talked about. I feel really sleepy yet have tons of energy,..if that's possible. I hope everyone has a great and sober day!!
Wow,..first time I've seen 24 hrs go by between posts in this thread. Anyway, enjoying a sober day 6. Anyone else here today?
Last edited by kevin2; 12-16-2011 at 09:06 AM.
Hi all - end of the semester and busy grading. Doing okay. Still feeling a little down about job prospects, but trying to get back to work (writing in particular) to work through that feeling of being down.
M
I'm here and doing well. School is out and the holidays have begun. I'm not feeling stressed at all at this point, but keeping my guard up. I am getting a lazy feeling toward exercise which is one step backward. It might just be the weather, but maybe my alcoholic mind. Staying sober for now, but laying low. I hope everyone is doing OK and growing in their sobriety.
Has been quiet here lately. Been finding myself mourning for the loss of my drinking. Hasn't been even close to making me want to break my 23 day streak but enough to make me start to feel a sense of loss. Work too has been quite demanding leaving little to no chance for relaxation. Most vulnerable I have felt on this short journey. Sleep continues to be peaceful and that a loan is motivation enough. Haven't heard any updates from a lot of you...hope you're finding your way though sobriety.
I'm also surprised it has gone so quiet here as we head into the holiday obsticle course. I am doing well for the most part. I am staying sober, exercising, and doing various readings for spiritual growth. During the break and I plan to spend more time with my wife and children. It is really rewarding to be there for them rather than slung back on the sofa pounding beers. I can still hear all the excuses I made for why I couldn't play with them: just a minute, not now, maybe later, I'm a bit tired (drunk/lazy), did you clean your room, tomorrow, etc. Sickening, but I don't have to be that way anymore. I am also there for me. I find myself able to make better and more definitive decisions now, too. This is a huge benefit, because I would become paralyzed with fear or uncertainty in the past. I read that alcohol can damage the part of the brain involved with decision making, so hopefully this is coming back to me. For some reason, my weight has not been dropping as I would expect it to with exercise. This has been the one negative point of my efforts in the massive action part of my sobriety. I always blamed the beer for my weight gain and figured that my weight would quickly drop once I stopped drinking. A mystery to figure out. Maybe I am gaining muscle as fast as I am losing fat? ;-) Anyway, just want to say I am doing well and working a mutli-faceted plan to continue moving forward in sobriety. I hope everyone is doing well and navigating the holidays successfully so far.
It is interesting how many of us have been laying low lately. But it isn't necessarily a bad thing, maybe many of us are doing lots of introspection and digesting sobriety (I know I am).
I'm also being very cautious lately because this is the time of year I would always go on a big 2 week drinking binge starting today. I'd drink at least a case of beer everyday until New Year's Day and then sober up for most of January and February and then start the addiction cycle all over again.
This year is the first time in over 25 years I have little desire to go on a Christmas bender and for that I am very grateful.
Good work Dragonfly jumping back on the sober train and not falling back in the swamp for extended periods, I'm 142 out of 143days sober so far.
Congrats to everybody who are staying sober and for those struggling never give up giving up.
Dragonfly - beautiful insight...never give up and 89% is pretty amazing. I was just looking at past calendars the other day too and although I have slipped a few times since the beginning of my journey on June 16th I too have come a long way this past year and am very proud of myself. I have been meaning to tell you that one of your past posts really inspired me the last time I slipped...you talked about no longer counting days, weeks, months, but living life sober...and since then I have been! I am feeling the peace and serenity that you talked about and it feels good. I have a quit date for the first time this year (not just a "stop" date) and it has become my new mantra whenever the thought crosses my mind..."can't have that drink because I quit drinking on ....." (don't want to say the date just yet as I don't want to jinx myself - lol) but all is good.
I am no longer saying I quit for 1 week or 1 month or whatever...and I am not counting days anymore or putting hearts on a calendar...I think it is the finality of it all that is making me feel such peace inside...(like you said in one of your posts) ...all done with that part of my life and moving on:] I am also ending my day by giving thanks for 4 new blessings that I have experienced that day (per another of your posts) and it has really brought the gratitude and humility back into focus...thank you...
Wishing everyone on here the peace that I am currently feeling:] Hope you stay strong for the holidays, I know they can be extremely stressful. But I am finding that by just accepting that alcohol is no longer a part of my life, not giving it notice either one way or the other, I am feeling ... well...very peaceful right now LOL
Hi everyone- just checking in. I don't know if it is related to me not drinking, but emotional stuff has been coming up in my family lately. I guess that now that the elephant has left the room other people's issues can have some breathing room. It's not bad, just that I still have that little feeling that alcohol was the only problem, that I was the only problem, and now everything is supposed to be sunshine and roses!
For my part, I don't have too much nostalgia for drinking this holiday season. Most of the social occasions we will go to are at our own house, there will be booze, I won't be drinking it. I had such a weird and prolonged response after accidentally taking that alcohol-based tincture, that I am extremely clear on the damage that even a small amount of alcohol will do to my system. It took a week to fell normal again. Hey, did you notice that? Sober is the new normal! Give yourself the best gift of all, a healthy and sober life!
A quick note to say all's well here, just busy this time of year!
I'm doing well here. Today is sober day 29 which feels awesome. I can't wait until next month when I have a new blood test to see if anything has changed. Even if nothing has changed, I feel and think so much better than 4 weeks ago. I have to thank all the good things on this site: the articles, the support and the advice. Cheers to everyone!
I stopped drinking 5 days ago. Not very long, I know.
Reading about what others are going through is very helpful. The articles here helped a lot also. I did an about face on a couple of other habits that are negative things for my health and spirit. Tackling those at the same time may make it more difficult, but for me -- it is a part "going big" and getting rid of some other garbage as long as I am taking out the trash.
Today is kind of a big deal for me. Wife ( she is a light drinker ) and I went to a big Christmas party last night with pretty much everyone drinking and in past years I would be, too. I was nervous about being social awkward and craving something alcoholic to drink. I decided to take a bottle of Welches Sparkling Grape juice as my BYOB and just having the glass in hand and drinking it with everyone else having a bit older "grape juice", things went fine! I just focused on talking with people and learning more about them. Maybe this isn't for everybody but it worked for me last night.
My wife has just noticed I drink less but hasn't noticed I stopped completely for the last few days. I just told her I was bringing the grape juice for variety. For some reason I just want to make this journey without making her feel guilty or feel like she can't enjoy a glass of wine.
Oh, there was a big bottle of wine waiting for us (gift) when we got home. I gave it a thought but then started to think about how much better I feel without it. I thought about how great I will feel in the morning about myself for not having it. (That's another thing, I find it more helpful to focus on how much better I feel for not drinking rather than how bad I feel if I do, small thing, but big mindset difference that makes it easier IMHO)
I will mention that sleeping is more difficult, and getting a clearer head forces me to face some past things I regret -- with a bit too much clarity. That is a good (but painful) thing if I respond to it by working to fix it and look to the future , and a really bad thing if I respond to it by drinking myself out of the clarity, to deal with it.
This is site is a good one for me. In my small community an AA meeting can have some negative repercussions in ones work life. Sad, but I have seen it happen many times.
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