How to stop drinking

[gettingalife]

My husband is newly retired and trying to help with some of the household duties. Work has been kinda tough this week with the usual struggle to make a dollar. Well tonight I came home to one of his first solo meals--roast and veggies in the crockpot. When I went to take the roast out the absorbent pad packaged with the meat came out too--ewwwww. I felt like I was a newlywed with a wife who would have a nervous breakdown if I criticized the meal. So I just quietly ate it with long teeth. Boy I hope I can survive all this and maintain my sobriety. I am telling myself the chemicals in stew couldn't have been nearly as bad as all the alcohol I poured into my body over the years.

[Sally]

Hey gettingalife - too funny (LOL) - you made my night!! I was just getting ready to head on up to bed and thought I would check the posts. What a great story - I am still laughing as I type this....good for you for not saying anything.. (LOL)...and I always wish my husband would try cooking occasionally - not anymore!

[carol]

Change. One of the things I’m learning is that if all I change in my life is to stop drinking, then I will start drinking again, if not today then some time in the future. Been there, done that. If I don’t change other aspects of my life I won’t create a sustainable situation for myself. kjbp, I like that quote you gave us from the radio “In order to change, YOU have to change.” I laughed out loud about not waiting for the bar to burn down or in my case for the local stores to stop selling wine!

One of the things I love about this site is that there’s no one “right” way, there are many ways. When I discovered it, I had only a few options: keep drinking, try to reuse a strategy which had already failed for me, or go to AA, which I didn’t really want to do. But other than that my toolbox, if you will, was empty. I had committed to myself that I would DO SOMETHING by May Day, even if that was going to AA. Now, with Patrick’s creative recovery concept, one day at a time, a 30 day trial, the No Excuses strategy, etc, plus ideas from others in our community including rehab, medications from doctors, and AA, I fell like my toolbox is full of possibilities. Even just reading the posts and chiming in are tools to help our recovery. Billy, I like your quote from Ivan Turgenev, "If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin." I’ve got the toolbox, I just need to USE the tools.

Yesterday was hard for me, but I didn’t drink. Tomorrow will be harder – major triggers coming. I’ll be taking the red-eye cross country to visit one of my daughters, after a tiring day. I used to travel extensively for work. It’s stressful, and I always drank on the plane. I have enough frequent flyer chits that I have a good chance of getting upgraded to first class, which means free booze brought right to my seat. Gotta prepare myself. It's day 12 for me this go-round.

gettingalife, what a great story! I am so impressed that you just took it in stride, knowing that your husband was trying to do something right.

Have a great day, everyone.

[Billy]

I can't believe I just posted a long posting and its lost. PATRICK! Well anyhow, Carol thanks for posting in. You'll be fine! Hey everyone, actually where is everyone? This seems to be a site for individuals who have beat the demon, and they forget about those who are still trying. I'm still going for day 1. We all need help and part of the recovery I would assume is to help others! That what I'll do when I beat it!! Kbpj (hope I got it right) thanks for everything!!

My sons 17th birthday is tomorrow and I hope and pray that I don't ruin it or embarras (spell check?) him. Sam, hello! Jume 1st will be my day. Good luck to you.

Hope to hear from EVERYONE and ...

[Patrick Meninga]

Hi there Billy! I posted the other day from a computer at work without logging in as a guest, and it seemed to work for me.

That said, I have also lost long posts when I hit the "submit" button before.....my new rule of thumb (that I learned years ago) is to highlight my entire post before I push that submit button and copy it, so if it gets nuked, I can just paste it in and try it over. That has saved me more than once.

I just published a new article about having fun in recovery, and how I thought (before I got sober) that I would be miserable without drinking. Boy was I wrong!

Life just keeps getting better.

Take care everyone.....

[Sally]

Carol - save the chits for the upgrade for your flight to Tuscany or Paris (lol).
Billy - make your son proud and you proud - don't drink, then you won't' have any regrets.
Sam - have a great weekend and relish in the clarity.
kjbp - smile and think positive thoughts - feed that Blessing jar :]
Mary, Sylvane, Justin, Rich, Casey, Samantha - I am lighting some incense for you tonight. ooohhhhmmmmmm :]
Have a great weekend everyone...

[Samantha]

Hey carol. Happy 12 days!! I like Sam's idea maybe skip first class for now so you dont have to tempt yourself. I just visited my daughter a month ago cross country like you. If it helps the one thing i wish is i had been sober. I didnt drink much there but i dont need to drink much to be alcoholic. There was minimal alcohol present but i obsessed about having alcohol. I went through a few days of withdrawal too. I wish i had been more focused on my daughter instead of alcohol. I feel on day 19 now the fog is lifting. But just barely. Im still very tired and somewhat depressed. However im nowhere near as depressed as i was when drinking. Patricks article on having fun in sobriety was really timely. Especially talking about measuring when your drinking the actual time your are happy versus what denial makes you think. Im amazed there are moments i completely forget why i stopped. Moments i think i will have just "1 drink". Then i shut off those thoughts and remember if i pick up 1 drink i will go through hell for months trying to pull off again. No thanks. Im going to take Patricks word for it that life gets better not drinking. I feel physically better and calmer. Gettingalife i find sober i am holding my tongue better with my husband so appreciate wht you shared. Sam congrats on day 2.

[kjbp]

Gettingalife, what a wonderful woman you are! That little piece of packaging always gives me the willies and I admit to nearly missing pulling it off a couple of times, but to have to eat it - ewww! Your husband sounds like a gem.

Billy, I feel like we should throw an on-line party to kick off June 1 with you. I'll be marking it on my calendar, and if you decide to start earlier, be sure and let us know. Also, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I wish for you the opportunity to enjoy your son's birthday as much as he will enjoy it without you drinking. What a treat for you both!

Carol, day 12 - this weekend will be two weeks, sweet! Agree with Sam and Samantha about the upgrade on your flight. I've also been one to take advantage of the "generosity" of business/first class. First the champagne before take-off, then the mixed drinks, then the wine with the meal, then the appertif - oh I feel ill just thinking about it. Good luck!

Sam / Samantha / Sally - always delightful to hear how you're doing and your dedication to this. Mary, thanks for the check-in. Hopefully things will calm down with your schedule and you can enjoy the beginning of summer.

I wanted to share - if you haven't had a DUI, please please don't let it happen. I received one (my first and it will be my only) a little over one year ago. It was expunged, but it still shows on my DMV record for two more years. I'm finding it very mournful and humbling (although I have always been humbled by it, just now it feels like the world knows). I'm now looking for employment after leaving a senior position 2 years ago. Every position I've applied for or would consider applying for, asks if you have ever been convicted of a misdemeanor. Because it shows on my record, I'm having to answer for it. My husband has been so understanding of how I feel and my regrets, saying "hon, it's probably best to start back slow, continue to heal, you're on the right and we're both better for it..." That alone is enough to bring me to tears and keep me on the road to wellness. I just feel like I'm letting him down, as I'm my own worst enemy...

The really sad part is, or it's a blessing - I'm not sure, is that I doubt the threat of a DMV record and possible employment challenges would have stopped me from drinking to the point I let it get so out of control. I truly believe I was meant to get the DUI as a wake up call to slow down. Stop wasting your life. It's tought to accept, but my life is truly better for it.

Thank you all for being here and big hugs for the approaching weekend. Check in later!

Oh yeah, the spammers are relentless! I check in several times a day and there's always 3 or 4 to delete. Good grief! They don't know who they're dealing with - grin!

[Unregistered]

patrick talked of 'massive change' on his first website. if you don;t change anything about yourself but your drinking then you will never beat alcohol.

[kjbp]

Happy Friday!

Each morning I get a message on my IPhone. Below is the one I received today; ironic it should appear today. I think it is appropriate for all the change we've been talking about recently and in Patrick's articles. Hope this carriers you through today and the weekend. Blessings to all!

"It only takes one person to change your life—you.
—Ruth Casey

Change is not easy, but it’s absolutely unavoidable. Doors will close. Barriers will surface. Frustrations will mount. Nothing stays the same forever, and it’s such folly to wish otherwise. Growth accompanies positive change; determining to risk the outcome resulting from a changed behavior or attitude will enhance our self-perceptions. We will have moved forward; in every instance our lives will be influenced by making a change that only each of us can make.

We have all dreaded the changes we knew we had to make. Perhaps even now we fear some impending changes. Where might they take us? It’s difficult accepting that the outcome is not ours to control. Only the effort is ours. The solace is that positive changes, which we know are right for us and other people in our lives, are never going to take us astray. In fact, they are necessary for the smooth path just beyond this stumbling block.

When we are troubled by circumstances in our lives, a change is called for, a change that we must initiate. When we reflect on our recent as well as distant past, we will remember that the changes we most dreaded again and again have positively influenced our lives in untold ways.

Change ushers in glad, not bad, tidings."

[Samantha]

Hi Sam! Happy day 3! Thats awesome. I noticed its very quiet too! Hoping we hear from Justin, and Mary and Bily. Everyone who is struggling. Kjbp i am trying to read your quotes but my brain is still fried i think. Im having trouble focusing still. But thank you for all the thoughts and i will try to read it again in the am. The Casey quote is so true. I cant expect to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Carol hope all went well on your flight today. Thinking of all of you.

[Sally]

Good Morning all -

kjbp what beautiful words, "..growth accompanies positive change.." I am growing in so many ways since finding this site. Hazelden site had a great quote this morning, "So often our expectations exceed reality. We want more than we have; our homes, our loved ones, perhaps our jobs seem not to measure up. "If only. . ." we say to ourselves. The time has come to quit saying "if only" and be glad, instead, for what is."...it went on but I liked this part best. Be grateful for what you have and quit living in the "if only's".

Carol I hope your flight went well, and if you had a little wine, well let it go and enjoy your visit with your daughter. Today is a new day - a chance to start fresh. Billy I hope you enjoyed your son's birthday, wow 17...they grow up fast. Update on my son, he is being allowed to retest (yeah!), got an after school detention, not sure about the outcome of his NHS status yet, we are applying for summer jobs, and I am keeping a close reign on him (no friends for awhile).

Sam congrats on 3 days, or is it 4 already - you go girl!! Samantha I am tired all of the time lately, I'm on day 10 (yeah for me - longest I've gone in many, many years) and the last 3 days I have been doing some major sleeping. Do you think it's due to ridding our bodies of all the toxins? Just don't seem to have my usual energy and my whole body aches....or maybe it's just my old age catching up on me (lol). Whenever I get down I try to reflect on everyone's travels on this site, 1 day, or 3 days, or 23 days, you are my inspiration.

Good luck to all of you...hope your weekend is all it can be!!

[Sally]

p.s. Carol congratulations on day 12 - I know you are probably already on day 13 - you go girl!! you have come some far...you should be very proud of yourself. Keep it up and have a great visit!!

[That guy]

patrick sorry but it is obvious that no-one can post as only a guest anymore.
i really hope everyone can beat this addiction, but this forum is increasingly becoming a closed group; which bizarely most of them are moderators?

i don't know what is going on (in regards to no guests being able to post) but the situation is surely keeping out the truly desperate addicts in need of help, in need of that first anonymous post to some website to start finally admitting they have an addiction to alcohol.

i certainly baulk at logging in to post... oh look i'm now a junior member! wow 29 posts, i must really be an alcoholic. hey check my profile, or send me a DM.

i apologise for being so direct, but this form of addiction therapy (quick, anonymous posting) is/has been quite helpful for people in denial to start their journey toward sobriety.

i found out i was going to be posted to a country in the middle east for 6 weeks, and i initially thought 'well thank god i don't drink anymore' (it is booze free) but strangley when i found out you can get (extremely expensive) alcohol at the 5-star restaurant bars there was a twinge of the old relief like when i found a 1/2 bottle of wine in the back cupboard some evening back in my boozey days.

it never ends.

[Patrick Meninga]

@ That guy - I went to work the other day and did not log in and was able to post as an anonymous guest on this forum.

If you would like, I will gladly make you a moderator too so you can help to fight the spam we get here!

There is a trade off going on.....we keep it open, and the place gets flooded with spam. So we need LOTS of moderators.

Or, I could force registration, and enable those annoying captchas that you have to type in (image verification), and that would reduce the need for moderators. But I don't want to do that!

Let me know if you want moderator abilities, I will gladly hook you up! Anyone who wants to help in the fight against spam is more than welcome to.....

[Billy]

Good AM everyone! Hope everyone is doing well. Congrats to all! Its always nice to hear from all of you! Sam, Samantha, Sally, and the awesome Kjpb. Thanks all for your support, encouragement and concern. Group hug (lol). Patrick, I never have any problems logging a post and I never receive spam (hope I don't curse myself). Your article about having fun during sobriety was great. I can't even play a round of golf without the cooler and can't wait for the 19th hole. I would be such a better golfer without that crutch. I have missed out so much in life because of my constant drinking. I 'll come up with all kinds of excuses (lies) and miss this or that family/friend event because I have to go to the bar instead. I look back and think of everything I've missed out on because of that bottle always on my mind and it makes me sick. Life is full of lies when your drinking. But things are going to change! I'm looking forward to my new life of sobriety and I'll enjoy every moment of life! June 1st!!!

My sons birthday went good. I wasn't perfect but it went well. We had one argument that was most likely my fault but everything is good this AM. Thanks for everyones concern!

Well everyone have a great weekend! Hope the weather gets better, its rained all week!

[carol]

Managed to not drink on the plane. Doing ok. More later, Carol

[carol]

Hi all, I thought I would try to post without registering. I don't know what a reasonable time to wait is, but it's been over 3 hours and it's not showing up. I got a message that said the moderators had to do something with it for it to show.

Patrick, kjbp, Sam, Samantha, Sylvane, do you see the message from Carol or did it just disappear? I just tried a second one also just a minute ago.

I agree with That guy, this forum can be a real lifeline. It would be a shame if guests posts aren't working. Patrick I know you did it successfully. But That guy hasn't been able to and neither have I. I tried other days too but they were obvious test messages so I just figured y'all thought there wasn't a need to post them, but now I wonder if they were seen at all.

Please help. Thanks! Carol

[Billy]

Why can't everyone just register and sign on? I never have a problem! Patrick, you may want to extend the "close out" time! I don't know what the problem is!!

[Billy]

Carol, I see both your messages and I'm just a "Junior Member"! Is it because your trying to sign in from a smart phone instead of a land line or laptop computer? Good luck and don't get frustrated!!