How to stop drinking

[Kat]

Welcome Miller!

[Ruth]

John, I have been there too-The realization is that we are being sober for ourselves only, not for others to see or think about or have an opinion on. The real and only reason to stop is because we know deep down that we need to stop. So the only on who will know what you do is you. Every day I have the choice to crack open that bottle of gin, no-one the wiser. Or stop at the store or the bar or whatever... If I try to stay sober for others, that is what will end up happening. But I know, and I am sure you do too, that this has to be a deep decision, to your own self, and that the only one who will judge you is you. I bet you are already there and doing fine. Anyway, just my two cents.

[Mel]

Hi everyone, welcome to Miller and John - hope you are staying strong and not giving in to the temptation! Ruth, very perceptive as always - this summer I was trying to stay sober for everyone else, even though my initial impulse to get sober was for myself and no one else. It was working at it out of a sense of needing to please other people . . . that made it all too easy to fall back into bad behavior.

So on top of the stress of holidays, I just found out today that I am not a candidate for jobs at two schools at which I thought I would easily have interviews. So, pity party tonight and a really strong desire to just drink drink drink away the sense of failure. But, I know that part of my inability to get purchase on the job market is exactly because for the last few years I have been in a deep unfunctioning alcoholic spiral.

[Millie]

Oh man Mel, that sucks. I say have your pity party for a little while, but with something less addicting. Banana split? Then dust yourself off in the morning with a plan and new resolve. Don't give up, and what ever you do, don't jump back in that rabbit hole. It is their loss!!

[Ruth]

Sorry to hear that, Mel- I am thankful every day that I have a job at a school I like- I don't know what I would do if I had to go back into the job market. Anyway, I say avoid that self destructive impulse to drink (the world is doing a good enough job at smacking you down at them moment, you don't need to give it a hand!), make yourself a nice hot bath and indulge in some TV therapy, or whatever works for you.

[Ryan]

Good morning, all. Not sure that everyone will remember me, but surely a few of you will. :-) Wanted to check in and update you on where I've been the past few months.

First, please accept my apology for just disappearing. I know I'm not the only person to have done that, but ...

During my initial time on Spiritual River, I got to 29 days without a drink *or* a smoke. (As I have noted many times, the two vices have always gone hand-in-hand for me like peanut butter and jelly. Giving up one means giving up the other.) Anyway, at the end of my fourth week of sobriety this summer, I slipped. Got out of routine big time. And then an old friend, a 'heavy drinking' buddy moved to town -- and my lack of discipline combined with idleness, opportunity and a catalyst led to a big ol' binge. I pretty much gave up the effort at that point. I didn't lose the desire to stop drinking, however. I just abandoned the current plan.

I decided to give things another go at the end of October. Picked up Chris Hardwick's 'The Nerdist Way' and read it in two nights. Hardwick is an alcoholic who is forthcoming about his decision to give up alcohol in 2003 because he felt he was wasting his life with regard to things he had grown up enjoying and with regard to his professional interests (comedy, podcasting, etc.) It struck a nerve with me, and I peeked in to the site here from time to time to see how everybody was doing -- but I was definitely tinged with a bit of shame, so I decided I wouldn't post until I actually hit my initial 30 day goal.

And today (Friday) will be Day 34. :-) This is the second-longest I have EVER gone without drinking since the early 1990s. My longest was 69 days back in 2007 or 2008. I forget which, and I don't even totally count it because I was really "just abstinent," if you will, and readily abandoned that quit without an ounce of remorse as if I stopped drinking for 69 days just because I could. There was no desire to stop at the heart of that quit. No spirit of change.

What's different for me this time is that I haven't tried to fill my idle time with random things like going to the movies or made 'escape plans' on the weekends (although I do NOT discount that strategy). I've focused on work and on my house (bought my first home in September) and on hobbies I naturally enjoy -- but I am meeting those weekend demons head-on. I haven't uttered the words, "Uh, I've given up drinking," just yet to my drinking friends with a voice of finality -- but the fear of doing that is gone. I'm over it. I have given it up and, in fact, have started developing a passion and a heart for people dealing with all sorts of other addictions. Relative to those drinking friends, however, I've just said I'm not available/interested. They really have never asked why.

Now, it's not that I'm not without routine or structure at this point. I've spent virtually all my not-at-work time by myself. I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily. Even though my drinking buddy wasn't a new relationship, if you will, he did constitute a new relationship within the context of my summer effort. In terms of me quitting drinking, he was like fire to my gasoline. It is a friendship solely based on drinking, and its re-emergence just did me in. Not his fault. MY fault.

However. Long story short, this 34 days has been relatively easy. Not sure why. But it has been. And I'll be frank -- mentally, I'm not looking at things 'one day at a time' right now. When I've done that before, particularly with the smoking part of this, it just gets me to obsessing about 'how to survive TODAY.' I'm mentally approaching this WITH the finality of forever, as if I were divorcing an abusive spouse.

Next stop --> Dec. 28. That's Day 60. I look forward to participating more often!!

[Millie]

Ryan, so good to hear from you. We had wondered what happened to you. Congrats on your 34 days. That is great. Congrats too on meeting your weekend demons head on. If I remember correctly, you used to make elaborate plans to avoid alcohol on the weekends. I think that works short term, but eventually we have to face daily life head on. Avoiding alcohol is not an option for me. Heck, I have to live with alcohol in the house as my husband still drinks, as does rest of my extended family.

I relapsed too after 70 or so days, and have just started back after many false starts, so I can also appreciate you waiting to get 30 days in before re-posting. I've had to eat crow several times, after saying I was starting again and then not following through. Today is start of day 5, so I am making some progress. .

I truly am glad to see you posting again. I need your words of wisdom.

[bdog]

Thanks Samantha and welcome to all newbies. this is a good place. I dont write much but read everyday and it helps to know your not alone. I drank last night for the first time since Monday and did not sleep at all. its the way it is with me now. im 48 and 10 or even 5 years ago and i could do that and get away with at least half a nights sleep. now its nothing. not worth it at all. im slowly learning.

[Eric]

Day 13 here! I am feeling great! I need to put some extra effort into making sure I do those things that got me here. I can feel the urge to stop reading articles or meditation to get back to the business of being "normal," but I know where normal will lead me. Staying sober today! I am off to play tennis now and will do yoga later. My biggest struggle is avoiding the fast food that is sabotaging my exercise gains. However, at this point it is a minor set back only.

[Pearl]

John: how did it go?

[Vic]

Welcome back Ryan, congrats Eric and Millie and everybody else staying sober.

[Billy]

Hi everyone,

Some really great post and an interesting exchange of post on moderation drinking. Obviously everyone is different but I think it was Ruth that said 1st, drinking = fun; 2nd, drinking = fun and problems; and 3rd drinking = problems. Well said and so true. When I was in College, 35 years ago, it was great. I played Rugby and everyone drank, it was just a given. Play Rugby, then big drinking party. Then as life goes on things change; marriage, kids, responsibility and so on. As you get older you get health issues that is a VERY important part of the equation whether one should drink; high BP, triglycerides, liver problems, etc, etc. So their are many factors in play.

I guess it comes down to each persons situation. I know I can't and shouldn't drink. I know I can't have one drink. I know I won't remember the next day. I know I have medical problems that are screaming STOP! Everyone has to take their own inventory and a cost vs. benefit approach and see where it takes you!

One more thing, have you ever noticed that when you go say a week without drinking and you drink after that period of abstinence you drink alot more than usual and get much drunker and sicker the next day? Just something to think of!

Anyhoo, everyone have a great weekend!!

[Millie]

Vic, how are you doing????

[John]

Ryan good to meet you and THANK YOU for all the caring and helpful posts. Short answer. No drinking at reception. After all your support how could I come back and tell everyone that I sneaked a glass of wine!!

Feeling low energy though maybe from all the running around I did last night and that is dangerous too. Nearing end of 2nd 30. (There were a few weeks flirtation with drinking after the first 30). Hope this is not signalling the beginning of another time of temptation.

[Eric]

Billy, well said! I always try to keep the health impacts in mind. At 44, I am starting to pay the price for my previous life decisions. Alcoholism is now more than simply a lifestyle choice issue for me. Knowledge of the health impacts has not always worked to stop me from drinking, but it is 'ammo' I keep around when I need some extra. One of the most persuasive pieces I keep on hand is this picture from an NIH study comparing a normal brain, a brain with Alzheimers, and an alcoholics brain. Frightening what we do to ourselves. http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...images/300.jpg

[Ruth]

Just a little hopeful information after that scary brain photo!
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/brain/a/blunc041105.htm

[Julie]

good job John! And Ruth, thanks for the link to the encouraging article. Interesting how it suggests that activity/exercise helps! Ending week three for me ......

[Eric]

Thanks, Ruth. The last line is key: "Chronic alcoholism...produces cognitive impairments and decreased brain volumes, both of which are partially reversed during abstinence." We can always get better, but we continue to do damage until we do - some permanent. This is so important for me because almost every facet of my alcoholism can be characterized by the word 'tomorrow'. If left to my own devices, I will always chose to quit 'tomorrow'. Fortunately, the human body is an amazingly resilient thing.

[caringnurse]

Here's a good discussion of recovery drugs to help you quit drinking: http://www.sober.com/antabuse.html

[theodora]

@Ruth: I have read a LOT on alcoholism but never came across this article..Really helpful and hopeful, especially after seeing that scary picture Eric posted!

Believe it or not (it's hard for me to believe as well), I can attest to what it says..Ever since I quit I find I'm making saner decisions (though the first 3 months I couldn't make any!)..My brain seems to be working better, my reflexes are quicker, and my memory is WAY better (it used to be non-existent)..I think it also has to do with the better quality of sleep I get now, which rests and regenerates the brain better (as opposed to the drunken passed-out sleep I was getting for years)..

I'm starting to think that we choose to drink in order to make ourselves dumber and less cognizant of reality..I have read about how people with a higher IQ turn to alcohol, and although I'm sure it doesn't apply to the totality of the people who drink, I have also seen around me the most sensitive and bright turning to booze and drugs in order to be less aware of the harshness and stupidity of reality..

All I have to say is that life will always be hard at times, and it will be only harder if we have to deal with it with a shrunken brain and a deteriorating body! Have a great weekend everybody