How to stop drinking

[kjbp]

Rich, welcome! Isn't life complicated?! I believe in my heart that you are on the right course. Focus on you first. I'm so happy you are making steps forward. I'm not sure what advice to offer regarding your companion's drinking. I just know that I can't even imagine how I would be able to continue working towards life-long sobriety if my husband continued drinking. He actually stopped drinking long before I did; he didn't have alcoholic tendancies. He sees my struggles with alcohol and supports me every minute. I don't say this to make you feel worse, but I know I have pushed him to the breaking point where he has cried over me. We have been married 20 years now and each day through this nightmare we are growing closer and closer. I wish the same for you. It's important to have support, so please stay connected with us!

[carol]

Billy, stay with us, man! I have tried and failed more times than you can imagine. So you went to the bar tonight, then you went back out, so what? I'm not being an enabler. I'm not saying it's OK, I'm saying it's human and we have ALL done it. Don't beat yourself up!

No, you are NOT hurting us by telling us the truth! Stay with us, we want to hear back from you.

Oh, the shame of it all. I know that feeling so well. And then I figure I might as well keep drinking because I can't fix the problems I've made from drinking, so what the hell. And yes, that does make it hell. Billy, you'll get home, you'll go to sleep, and hopefully when you wake up you'll take a quick look here. What's done today is done. Let it be. Every day stands alone.

[Billy]

Thanks for your thoughts. You are right, todays a new day and you need to forget about yesterday. You can't change what happen, but you can try and control what happens now. Its the AM so I'm thinking like this now. As the AM goes to the PM and I'm out of work heading home thats when the mind battle begins. Thanks for your support and ideas, especially KJbp, Sam and Carol. You guys are all awesome. I love this forum and I know its going to help me. It may take a little time...baby steps right? Like Carol says, "Every day stands alone". I feel better just writing this and I couldn't wait to come to the site. I'm not giving up and I'm not going anywhere. I just hope I can eventually help someone, like you guys are helping me.

[kjbp]

A couple of quick thoughts for the early birds out there... I ran across these sayings this morning. I don't know who wrote them, but something to keep in mind when we struggle...

"Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Wow.

Also, "The storms of our lives benefit us like the storms that hit our towns and homes and wash clean the air we breathe. Our storms bring to the surface the issues that plague us. Storms force us to acknowledge these liabilities that continue to stand in our way, and acknowledgement is the step necessary to letting go. Recovery is a whole series of storms, storms that help to sprout new growth, storms that flush ckean our own clogged drains. The peace that comes after a storm is worth singing about. Each storm can be likened to a rung on the ladder to wholeness. The storms make climbing the ladder tough, but we get strength with each step. The next storm will more easily be weathered."

If today is a stormy day, remember it will freshen the air you breathe.

I'm on day 20 today. I know there will be storms ahead and I really find comfort in the thoughts above about clean, fresh air; it's a very visual reminder about our challenges and healing during recovery.

Look forward to hearing from you this morning.

Blessings today!

[Billy]

That was nice Kjbp. I saw these today:


"If you must begin then go all the way, because if you begin and quit, the unfinished business you have left behind begins to haunt you all the time."
– Chögyam Trungpa - Buddhist Leader


"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin."
– Ivan Turgenev-Russian novelist

I'm still on day 1.

[Sally]

kjbp congrats on 20 days - you go girl!! Hang in there Billy and Rich. AarontheEvlisfan - I agree with you to some degree, but as time passes the memories fade, and we tend to forget how bad we really were. Hope you are all having a great day!

[Rich]

Sally, Carol and Kjbp, thank you all for your kind words and welcome. Billy, hang in there. I had come pretty close to feeling like I was loosing everything just to consider stopping drinking.

[Patrick Meninga]

I spoke about a possible alternative to the "day-at-a-time" philosophy recently.

Here are my thoughts on the matter in my latest post.

[justin]

hey guys thanks for being here. today is day 2. im actually gonna go to bed now. its not even 8pm. but im afraid if i stay awake i might slip up. ill post more on another day. im still not feeling to good.

[casey]

Hi everyone. Checking in and happy to see new people. Welcome to all. Sally and Carol I am glad to see that you are still posting. I appreciate what you both have to say and never think you take up too much space. kjbp congrats on 20 days! I would love to say that one day. Justin, it is good to see you are still posting and reading. I hope this site gives you comfort and support as I found it gives me. Hang in there.
I also had trouble trying to post as a guest when I started. It lead me to register. Have a good night all.

[Samantha]

Justin thats great!! Thinking sober thoughts for you and some good rest.

[Sally]

Patrick – If I could be so bold…the concept of “one day at a time”, or “just for a month”, or “I won’t drink during the week only on weekends”, or…whatever…is still dangling a carrot at the end of a period of time. The approach that I am currently using right now is the “I can drink whenever I want to”. If I want to drink I am going to drink, I learned that a long time ago. What I am doing instead of drinking today though, is educating myself on what alcohol does to me. Taking time to reflect back on what it has done for me in the past. And looking towards the future of what alcohol CANNOT do to me, should I choose not to drink. I am not counting days, weeks, or months … I am just “choosing” whether or not I really want that drink and is it going to benefit me in any way…which I am slowly learning it won’t. So far it seems to be working, at least for me. Just my thoughts :]

[Sally]

Justin - I am so proud of you. Hang tough! Everyone - have a wonderful day! You are always in my thoughts.

[Billy]

Hey everyone! Still haven't beat the curse but I'm not going to give up. Sam, thanks for the advise, just wish it was that easy. Kjbp, now 21? Thanks for the tips on the hobby! Real good ideas. Sam I'm going to pick a day and do the 30 dayer also. The one day at a time doesn't cut it for me. We will both to it in only 30 days!! Now I just have to pick the day because it seems tomorrow never comes. I'm not going to ever give up Rich. I will beat this monster on my shoulders or is it in my mind? And I'm with you sam, just tired of drinking. Sitting at a bar just wasting my life away, ugh!! Everyone have a great day and hopefully that tomorrow is here today!

[kjbp]

I'm rooting for you Billy! Mu husband heard something on the radio yesterday that I thought was very profound. It was "In order to change, YOU have to change." I believe this is what Patrick is saying about making massive changes. We can't wait for the bar to burn down so we can't stop, we can't wait for the local grocery store to stop selling wine or move it to a different aisle so we don't have to walk past it... etc... (all these ring true for me!). May today be your day, my friend! I'll see you back here throughout the day today cheering you on, ok?

Also, to dovetail off of what Patrick wrote, I do find that the day to day mentality works best for me. I'm way too much of a planner and control freak. I have to think only of today in order to keep my mind in the present. If I forcast out and give myself permission to drink in 30 days, as day 30 starts approaching I'm already scheming about my drinking. I don't so much have a problem with 30 days, but the 90 benchmark has been my undoing more than once. Yes, today is day 21 - thanks!

Justin, great to hear an update from you. Power through!! Mary, how have you been? Carol, Sally, Sam, Casey, Samantha, Sylvane, JVPD, That Guy, Rich, Aaron and all friends here, I'm cheering for all of us for today!

[Unregistered]

How do you forgive yourself?

[Mary]

Hi everyone. I don't really have time to write much now. Just wanted you to know I'm still here and still reading all your posts.

[Patrick Meninga]

This article here is about forgiving others but it still applies to yourself as well.

[Unregistered]

Thank you for this article. Forgiving is a funny thing. You think you did it and boom all the old feelings are back. Does not matter if it is a parent whom you are still trying to please or yourself. Thank you for this website and all the people whom share. I know that if I check in here and realize that I am not alone in my struggles, I will do fine - no, I will do great. My question is - are small or big steps better? I sometimes have an all or nothing philosophy so if I mess up with diet or exercise - I mess up with everything. Thank you for responding.

[Unregistered-Shelly]

This is my third attempt to post! I'm not sure why it doesn't appear, but will continue to try. Patrick, your article on forgiving really inspired me explore resentments I have held on to for dear life. These resentments which I often use as an excuse to drink, prevent me from having loving and honest relationships with myself and others. Today I am on day 10 as a non-drinker! Somedays are easier than others, but all I need to do is not drink today. Thanks everyone for sharing your experience, strength and ongoing support.