Wow. That is great. It sounds like you are well on your way toward day 1. You sound very positive, too. I think cutting down before starting day one is an excellent idea! I also know how hard it is to leave a bottle half full. Good job.
You are such beautiful people! Samantha and rosella, very helpful posts. Peter, you sound very wise and in control. I would love to hear what the doctor had to say!
I love the image of competing against the alcoholic. I don't want IT to win!!! September 1st - I love the beginning of the month - I'd like to make this a sober month.
P.S. I love that we're around the world and have different sleep habits so I always wake up to posts!
I woke up without a hangover this morning. Woo Hoo! Congratulations to everyone whether you have 30 minutes or 30 days+.
Peter - I so understand what you are going through. Be kind to yourself.
That's amazing Vic!,....good thing we aren't neighbors,...we could've created an area-wide beer shortage ;-} It is almost weird, and definitly enlightening, how many here identify so closely with my vacation story. Thanks to all for making me feel so welcome,...I wish I had time to repond to each of you individually (Christy, Marriana, Frog...) but I have a crazy day at work today. Vic, from the first time I started reading this board a couple of weeks ago,...I really saw alot of myself in your posts. For the last 4 years or so, I've really tried hard to regiment my drinking,...making rules for myself,...Only drink beer (Miller Lite,..or Coors or Mich-Lite for a change)...12 or less, only drink 3 days a week, 4 max,...never more than 2 days in a row, etc. For stretches I do well with it and then for stretches it ramps up on me. If I don't stay right on top of it,...I can easily down 18 or more before I even realize it. It's what I do,...but I'm slowly and painfully realizing it's NOT worth the mental effort anymore. For all of you that have already came to that realization,...and for those who are almost there (I'm looking at you peterpinot) congratulations and stay strong!
Originally Posted by Vic
New at this
Hi Everyone. Im a new guy who has like many of you been reading for weeks before I decided to post. Like most here I have done everything a lot of you have. I am 48 and live alone not the way I thought things were going end up. Up until a couple of years ago I was very athletic studied and taught martial arts to adults and children for over 20 years. It was one of my passions. Anyway as life would have it I had a pretty good relationship with a women I loved that went sour after a couple of years and I quit teaching. and my addictive ways and health got worse as the months went by. My weapon of destruction was Vodka. Not too bad at first just a couple at night but then everything seem to start to bother me and it increased. After the relationship ended now for almost two years I have drank most days in the morning before work, sometimes at work. And then a fifth a day on the weekends I hit rock bottom about a month ago. Started not drinking during the week as best I could. But the weekends are still killing me. Sorry to ramble I have so much more to say if you will let me. Not sure where I am going with this but I donít like where I have been. I see how much you people have helped each other and I think I would like to be part of this group.
Thanks for posting bdog,..and WELCOME ABOARD!! You will find (and if you've been reading you already know), that's folks here are super nice, and very understanding and non-judgemental, no matter what your situation is,..so talk away. I'm here to listen and offer whatever advice or knowlege that I can. As you can read in my posts,...I'm still struggling myself with alcohol,...and still struggle with other addictions that I've managed to shake,...cigs and weed over the last 2+ years. Everyone here can relate to your story,...we've all been there in one way or another. You are in the right place bdog.
Originally Posted by bdog
Hi gang and newcomers,
36 days into sobriety and very grateful for it, yet not back to feeling "normal" just yet. But then again haven't felt "normal" the better part of 4 or 5 years so maybe I will be experiencing a new "normal" down the line....Who knows, but as long as I don't drink I think I will be much better off.
Kevin - We must of been seperated at birth ! I did the same by switching up regular octane beers, then lite beers, low carb beers, ales, lagers, imports etc. Then make deals with myself like no drinking more than 2 days in a row, never on Mondays, try to stay under 20 beers (I realize that sounds crazy to non-drinkers). During long holiday weekends I'd tell my wife I wouldn't drink before noon and would stop at 6pm or 20 beers (which ever came first) and all other sorts of madness. Always trying to "control" my drinking but in reality I never really did.
My wife hardly ever drinks and never to excess so I am sure she must of had some interesting inner thoughts when I set all my fantasy island drinking "rules". But thank goodness she has stuck by me through those "crazy years". It takes a special person for sure and I am very thankful.
As I get more sober days this time around I see now more than ever that drinking now has zero place in my life. Actually if I am honest with myself I have probably known that for a long time. When I turned 30 I said that's it boozing done, then same at 35then 40 and it took to my mid 40s to finally put the brakes on. Scary how fast the drinking years have flown by with little personal/emotional growth and too many foggy memories to mention.
Anyways, as we all know it's no easy task long term sobriety but I really feel this time I am ready for that challenge. Like I always say I don't want to get too far ahead of myself and try and stay in the one day at a time mode. However, this quit feels different from all past quits. Something is stirring inside telling me I must stay sober this time around if I ever expect to have inner-peace and drink in (pun intended) all the good stuff that life has to offer.
Of course still being petrified of slipping up and being sucked into another 50 week binge from hell definitely is helping with sobriety a lot at this time.
Good luck everybody and cheers (club soda in my glass) to another sober 24hrs.
PS: Has anybody else been having dreams about alcohol ? The past little while I am dreaming a lot about drinking situations and avoiding them like the plaque, basically running away from all boozing situations. Sorta strange now as I am avoiding boozing during the day and then at night in my dreams....I guess it's all part of the process.
So much like I have read
Thanks for welcoming me. I can sure say I have not had more will power until late. I know I have had a thousand days when I too was barely out of bed and thinking and hitting the bottle in the freezer which always ruined the day. I just have had a 2nd really bad summer and now that its nearing the end I am beating myself up for wasting another wonder season. I try to take it day by day and plan out my nights. It has worked pretty well for the last couple of weeks during the week but from the weekends I feel so bad on Mondays. Its not a hangover but a feeling of hopelessness that lasts sometimes into Tuesday. I try to take it day by day for now and I really havent started to count my days which allows me to postpone it till the weekend however I donít want to say this is it yet. I have felt too sorry for myself for too long. What a way to go thru life.
Hi all! Welcome bdog! I can relate to that feeling of hopelessness that lingers after a big weekend. It's like your soul has been crushed! Definitely worse than the physical side effects of a hangover.
I've woken up on my Day 14 (woo hoo!!) feeling strangely clear headed. This is how non drinkers must feel! I just wanted to share something with those struggling with day 1. When I started at this forum I returned to Day 1 so many times. I started to avoid this site because I felt so humiliated, came back, left again, a few more Day 1s and then something clicked. I don't know how it happened or why but something changed and here I am, only 2 weeks in, but I really feel I've had a huge mind shift and I have this forum to thank for that. So Kevin, Peterpinot, Regina, Bdog and others, hang in there and stay with us. We can beat this.
Congrats Vic on 36 days! Over 30 days would be huge for me! I'm determined to get there.
In the lead up to giving up this time I was dreaming of alcohol too! What a spin out! I would dream of avoiding it and I would dream of drinking and hating it. I'd also dream of drunk people acting like fools around me. Must be some part of ourselves trying to tell us something. Funny how our minds work!!
Just read your post Juliet and my heart goes out to you. That's why I don't want to get too far ahead of myself because we are all just one slip up to that downward spiral again. I think sometimes we have to get to that dark place to get to the point that you just have to do anything to pull yourself out. As you say, that meltdown might be a gift- sometimes it takes that to make huge life changes, and believe me, this has been a monumental life change for me. Love to you and good luck
Julliet, so glad to have you back! I have been round that curve and ended up in the ditch, then rolled all the way to the bottom of the abyss. Stop at the ditch! Not Debbiedowner at all, just life as we know it. I think any moment now you'll be springing back out of that ditch! You can do it.
I echo your call to Sylvane, Kirsten, and Trish. Sam, how about you?
Dragonfly, where are you today?
Hi to everyone, welcome to the new folks.
Sam, our posts crossed. Thanks for checking in. It's so dad blasted frustrating to try as hard as you do and then not make it as far as you would like. For today, good that you are having coffee not vodka to start your day.
Yeah, the ideal is all or nothing. But are you keeping track of your hearts? I know that in the last 10 months you have a LOT more days of not drinking than you had the 10 months before that. Treasure those, and give yourself a pat on the back and a hug.
Guess what, you had 2 weeks and for me that meant EMOTIONS coming back. Then there's a higher risk of snapping and using what we know so well will seemingly take the edge off. And it takes the edge off but the emotions and stressors are still there, hanging around to bite us in the butt next time we find a way to not drink for a few days. A merry-go-round.
So yes, tune out all those things and people who bring out the drinker in you. The weekend is coming. If that means not seeing relatives who drive you nuts and are not supportive, don't see them. What else can you do to take care of yourself and reward yourself? The other night it was a soothing bath. You do have a stressful life. You can't push PAUSE with a hubby and an 18 month old and a demanding job. But are there at least some things you can put on hold? And some other things you could do nice for yourself?
And don't forget to count and savor the good days!
Sam, good! Let us know how it goes.
Juliet, thanks for your honest post and encouraging us all to watch out! It's a sneaky beast, and we can't get too confident. 24 hours at a time. Thanks for sharing what's going on with you - it is very helpful to us all. I look forward to hearing about you getting out of the ditch! You can do it. I hope you'll tell us all about it. Sam, you too - tell us how it goes this weekend. Every post on this forum is helping me figure things out - you are not alone!
I feel so much for those struggeling. I dont know everyone by name very well but I do know the feelings. I fight it all day everyday just knowing that the weekend it will be alright to give in. which of course will make it worse. I am really worried about this weekend, have been all week. and i even have told some close relatives that i am busy so i dont have to worry about what happens. any thoughts to making what im sure will be a mistake this weekend less painful? I am so much at the beginning of this and I just cant beat the friday night Monster let alone a holiday.
Many of you have probably read the articles and ebooks on spiritualriver.com - I just started to read them, and this particular ebook applies to our conversation as of late (the usual conversation, I suppose)....http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpr...tionGuide2.pdf
A quote from the ebook (Addiction Help Guide):
"Think about what a good recovery program really consists of. We could break it down like this:
1) Abstinence from chemicals
2) A design for living
3) Support and networking (Helping others)
4) Personal growth"
We can't just white-knuckle it and try day after day to stop drinking. We have to make a plan and build our self-esteem by taking care of ourselves and pushing ourselves to learn, grow, and become the best we can be. It's very exciting when I think about it like that. And it's so true that addicts have low self-esteem and keep up the cycle of self-sabotage. We have to build our self-esteem - we are worth it - if we thought we were worth taking care of, we wouldn't do this to ourselves.
One more quote: "Want to feel better about yourself? Accomplish something." Hmmmm...
had two days sober and im drunk again today. i just dont seem to have the will power to stay sober. im very depressed because everyday all day i say ok today will be the day i get on track. and then even if i make it to the evening i still wind up drinking. i hate alcohol. tomorrow maybe?
Dear friends- Every single one of us is here on this forum because we have spent years wondering if we had a problem, knowing deep, deep down that we do, and knowing that if we don't make a change, we could lose it all. I see many of you right now who are really struggling, and my heart goes out to all of you. B-dog- you absolutely CAN face Friday and a holiday without alcohol! I strongly recommend reading back over Patrick's articles, and reading back through old posts. For me, what worked was writing a dead honest reckoning of my worst behavior on alcohol, and keeping that journal, reading it over whenever I had the urge to drink (and believe me, I had plenty of urges and still continue to). I told my husband I was going to quit, and I told my kids. And then it was one day at a time, waking up not hungover and committing 100% to NOT DRINKING THAT DAY. It was hard, and yes, there were white knuckles some nights, and my addictive voice kept telling me that I don't really have a problem, it's not that bad, all the bargaining that many of you are engaging in now. You must separate your thinking brain from that addictive child that wants alcohol. This is not a game, people, this is war, and it is your life that is at stake! Not to be overly dramatic, but I believe that to be true. For a great explanation of alcoholism as a physically rooted addiction, see "Beyond the Influence." It is a convincing explanation about why moderation doesn't work. I am not trying to be mean, I am trying to hold up a mirror out of caring for all of you who are bargaining with yourselves. But I will tell you one thing, you CAN overcome this. Ask here for help and guidance, and you will find the tools you need to make this change. (stepping down from my soapbox)
You often hear of people "battling with alcoholism" and that's just what it is- a huge battle. I was so confident about my sobriety this morning, then came all my cues for a drink- Friday night, hard day at work, ex treating me like i don't exist, no kids. I was so close to getting some wine! I decided to go shopping and buy myself something instead with the money i would have spent on alcohol. It took all my effort not to give in. I can't get complacent because that voice is there waiting for a vulnerable moment. I wish everyone feeling low all the positivity I can muster. There's people here who have succeeded so that must give us all hope.