How to stop drinking

[Millie]

Hey Kevin,

I tried to control my drinking for Many years. I could drink moderately much of the time, but I never knew in advance whether I would drink and be fine or whether I would drink until dead drunk. Long drinking occasions, such as work events, were the worst... The ones That start with a glass of wine before function, then the function starts with drinks before dinner, and then lots of wine at dinner, followed by drinks at bar to talk shop, etc. I would tell myself that I will just have a few and stay sober, knowing that I was in public, just to completely fail. Instead of just having a few, I would accept every drink offered and would try to keep up drink to drink with others. Similarly, a glass or two at night at home, if I started, could quickly morph into a whole bottle.... Unlike you, I did have hellish hangovers.

With many failed attempts at controlled drinking behind me, it is way easier to just quit period. It is nicely black or white... I am either drinking or not. No worries about whether I am drinking too often or too much, if my decision is to Not drink period.

Good luck

[kevin2]

Thanks Dragonfly,...and I hope you are right. I really love this forum,..although it's somewhat bittersweet. It's really inspiring reading where each of you are on your journey with your "new lives",..but then kinda sucks when I'm sitting here firmly straddling the fence, too afraid to jump off. It's almost like sitting in a jail cell with the key in my pocket,..afraid to walk out into the real world. It's crazy and I know it.

[frog]

Hi all - great posts, great quotes for my own board. Bill, my excitement has definitely gone away and it's been hard. I'm 30 days today! It's very helpful to hear all of you say "just stick with it" - "life without alcohol is worth it." Kevin, welcome. I was/am so tired of all the mental energy it took to plan my fixes. And you can see our conversation lately about what to do with that time and energy once the alcohol is gone... So make a plan, and let's do this!

Keep it going, everyone!

[kevin2]

Hey Kevin,

I tried to control my drinking for Many years. I could drink moderately much of the time, but I never knew in advance whether I would drink and be fine or whether I would drink until dead drunk. Long drinking occasions, such as work events, were the worst... The ones That start with a glass of wine before function, then the function starts with drinks before dinner, and then lots of wine at dinner, followed by drinks at bar to talk shop, etc. I would tell myself that I will just have a few and stay sober, knowing that I was in public, just to completely fail. Instead of just having a few, I would accept every drink offered and would try to keep up drink to drink with others. Similarly, a glass or two at night at home, if I started, could quickly morph into a whole bottle.... Unlike you, I did have hellish hangovers.

With many failed attempts at controlled drinking behind me, it is way easier to just quit period. It is nicely black or white... I am either drinking or not. No worries about whether I am drinking too often or too much, if my decision is to Not drink period.

Good luck

Well said Millie,..and I know you are exactly right and congrats on your great decision! A similar example with me would be,..last October my wife and I and our 4-kids went to Florida for a week on vacation,...a free suite at a Wyndham resort (nice). The week started out great,...but of course there was a tiki bar over looking the ocean,...so each day around 2ish I would sit down with a beer,..then another and another and another, until drunk and in bed later that night. No major incidents,...I have a high tolerence and people can rarely ever even tell when I'm drunk. I went on to repeat this cycle every day we were there,...feeling worse and more exhausted each day,..and each day I would tell myself all morning "I'm not drinking today, now way in hell". Of course by afternoon I had changed my mind and given in. By the end of the week I was miserable. The drive home (Ky.) was literally awful. I don't ever remember feeling that bad and that depressed/anxious. We have the same trip planned coming up in just over a month,....and something that I should be looking sooo forward to,..I honestly dread. How sick/sad is that?

[Christy]

Kevin-Welcome to greatest forum with the greatest people.
I never could have stayed sober for 81 days now with them.
Vic said it right, after turning 40 things got progressively worse for me. Controlled drinking turned into not being able to stop sometimes. My body was telling me time to slow down. I have been on a roller coaster for about 6 years with this "controlled" drinking but find now that's impossible. I'm 46 now.
Life is great without alcohol and wondering where my next "fix" is coming from. So great to be free from that constant sneaking and hiding.
Frog-contrats on day 30!
Bill S.-contrats on day 16! Keep up the good work!
Sounds like everyone posting today is going well.

[Christy]

Kevin-You have a month to stay off the booze to not feel so depressed about a wonderful trip with your family. Focus now how great you will feel with not being so sick and depressed and enjoy quality time sober.
You can do it, I know it!

[Regina]

I have been reading through the posts and they are all so wonderful and inspiring. Thank you! :-)
I am sober today but feel so sad and disgusted with myself. I don't want to keep repeating this endless cycle of Day 1's.
I feel exhausted so I am going to try to go to sleep early tonight if my husband and kids let me! I kind of want to accumulate some days and hopefully start feeling emotionally and physically better.
Congrats on 30 days frog! What an achievement.

[kevin2]

Kevin-You have a month to stay off the booze to not feel so depressed about a wonderful trip with your family. Focus now how great you will feel with not being so sick and depressed and enjoy quality time sober.
You can do it, I know it!

Thanks for your kind words Christy,..I wish I had as much confidence in myself. It is so clear that you are right,...so why can't I just make myself do it? Don't get me wrong,...it was a wonderful vacation, my wife had a great time, the kids had an absolute blast,....and in some ways so did I. As a Dad,.it's fun just watching your kids have fun. The drinking just made it more of a grind than a relaxing vacation.

[Millie]

Kevin, my beach trip in July was one of main reasons I quit. I felt like I had wasted to much time drinking or recovering when I should have been doing awesome things with my kids. On way home, I felt like I had wasted my week.. Did you avoid doing fun things with your 4 kids because it would have interrupted drinking time?

[kevin2]

Kevin, my beach trip in July was one of main reasons I quit. I felt like I had wasted to much time drinking or recovering when I should have been doing awesome things with my kids. On way home, I felt like I had wasted my week.. Did you avoid doing fun things with your 4 kids because it would have interrupted drinking time?

Millie- I must admit that I did,...not so much because it interupted drinking time, but because I just didn't have the energy as the week went on. 4-kids are exhausting anyway,...then throw in a hangover and you get the idea. My routine went like this,..we'd be down on the beach and about every hour I would walk (sneak) up to the bar, down 3 beers in about 10 minutes, get one in a styrafoam cup to take with me,...rinse and repeat for 7 days. My wife drinks quite a bit also, so we kinda work as a tag-team. She "knows when to quit" and for some reason I can't seem to figure that logic out.

[kevin2]

You're exactly right bill,...and great analogy. It's crazy to know what you need to do, know it would be the very best thing for you,..and still not doing it. I may not be quite ready yet to dive in, but I'm definitly getting closer.

[Vic]

Kevin - Wow it's incredible how your beach vacation story mirrors mine almost exactly. I would do the exact thing, guzzle 3 or 4beers super fast every hour or so and then nurse one in my beer holder at all times. I would do that all day and by supper time I had drank close to 24 again. Like yourself I have a high tolerance so I didn't appear totally blitzed but I certainly had a heavy buzz on. And sorta similar to what Millie said whenever it was time to do fun sober things I would tell everybody I had too much sun exposure and would sit it out. When they went out for the funtimes I went right to the bar to guzzle some more...Sad and pathetic really. Then the next morning would come and despite being in a beach paradise where I should be loving life and recharging my batteries I was self loathing and super depressed during the morning beachwalks. After doing this for the whole 10 days I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation when I got home.
So like I said earlier I just could no longer live that way and now I am a resident of drytown 24 hrs at a time for what I want to be a very very very long stay.

[Mairianna10]

Great posts from everyone. Welcome Kevin. Well done Frog on reaching 30 and everyone else on their progress. I'm losing count of my days which is great. Dont feel like I want to drink but have hit a bit of a wall moodwise. Wish I was a bit happier. I know from previous posts that it will take time and I really am seeing great differences in the way our home life has benefited, especially for the children.

Kevin, I am 43 and I just reached a stage where drink was the most important thing in my life and my day revolved around how much drink I had in, how much I needed to get me through, shopping for it, drinking myself into oblivion day in day out. I couldnt stop. Something had to change and I logged on here and the forum carried me through. Just counted on the calendar and I am on Day 44. I see your wife drinks. My husband also drinks and we used to always say on a Monday that we were finished with it, no more. Never happened but he seems to drink less now that I've stopped. You need to stop purely for yourself though. My husband is realising just how much we were spending on drink and although he hasnt stopped, but would like to, he has just stopped smoking so that's something. God, the money we threw away!!

Feeling a bit down but I know I will persevere and my mood will improve and my life continues to improve.

Hang in there everyone!

I've lost my motivation for my 30 day exercise challenge after making it to 10 days but will begin again tomorrow - sorry Millie.

[Mairianna10]

Vic, yes holidays for me were no holiday either. All revolved around drink from the minute we got on the plane. I mean we did the sights, etc but I was always totally knackered because my body was being poisoned even more than usual. I have never been on a holiday without drinking heavily, apart from when I was a child. That was our one and only holiday and the main memory I have is my dad drinking, an especially vivid memory of him nearly missing the train because he was in the pub and another or him disposing of an empty half bottle in some bushes. Never thought then that I would sink to the same depths, hiding my stash around the house, taking drink with me in my luggage, yuk.

[Christy]

Kevin-eventually you will find a way to get the courage to say "enough is enough" it took me awhile to figure it out. Alcohol robs you of getting the confidence and self-esteem that we have in us. Without it you will get that back. I am someone who never lacked any of that, but when on my binges I felt like a worthless slob, caring not so much of how I looked like or anything, and that was not me.
Once again, you will find pleasure with your children and family without it being so grind.

[carol]

Great posts everyone.

Hey, frog, congrats on 30 days! Woo hoo!

Sam, how are you doing? I couldn't post earlier but it may be past your bedtime already. Hope you're hanging in there.

Regina, good luck. You'll start when you're ready.

Julliet, how are you doing?

I'm glad for another day free from alcohol.

[frog]

Whoa - the descriptions of the vacations resonate with me. On the outside looking in, it's clear that that's a horrible way to spend precious time off, time w/ your family, etc. But when you're wrapped up in it, that downward spiral just sucks you in so easily. When I look at pictures of myself on past vacations, I immediately feel that anxiety and depression and guilt and disgust with myself because I remember how that cycle felt. I want to be able to look at pictures of vacations with good feelings of nostalgia and appreciation of the wonderful time I had.

I'm 36 - good to hear that it doesn't get any better or easier later in life! That's a good motivator to keep me going. Another 30 days, here I come! Thanks for the congratulations. On one hand, it went faster than I thought it would. On the other hand, it was hard. Marianna, I love that you are losing count and losing the urge to drink. Even if your mood is down, keep going, keep going, keep going! It would be so easy to try to "fix" your mood with the poison. Keep taking care of yourself with sleep, exercise, and good nutrition, and hopefully your mood will lift. That is going to be the hardest thing for me - trucking through this when I feel crappy.

Vic, I always love your posts - they make me smile and encourage me - I will start thinking of myself as a "resident of drytown" 24 hours at a time.

[Samantha]

Frog congrats on 30 days! Thats a big milestone. Congrats to you too on 16 days Bill. You commented it isnt much but it is. This time when I got sober I didnt have 16 days except maybe 15 years ago. So every day those first 30 days really was a milestone. And every day I didnt drink it felt like I scored 1 and the alcoholic 0. Every day sober the stronger I still get. I'm really overall enjoying my life without alcohol. I'm at the point now I am thinking about it much less and amazing myself that I dont need it in so many situations I thought I did in the past. So just stick with it no matter what and life gets better. Marianna the mood issues get better slowly too just like the physically cravings get less too. I've been having that issue too and its slowly getting better as I find my new pathway in life.

Regina dont give up as you had 4 years awhile ago. So you can do this. Connor, Badger, Ryan, Trish, Cathy, Sam I wonder how you all are doing today? And Billy we finally have more men in this forum so where are you?

[rosella]

It's amazing how we can all resonate with each other on this issue. Millie, like you I always said I had no off button when it came to alcohol. Just one or two could never happen. And those soul destroying mornings after are so much worse than anything physical, and a top up with more alcohol would make the pain go away. What a vicious cycle!
I live in a small town, and there is a guy that was the town drunk, and although a happy drunk he was always legless. 3 years ago he completely gave up and now is a different person. He walks taller, looks great, always has a smile on his face and has the sparkle back in his eyes. It's like his soul can finally shine through. I never have asked him how he managed it but he is such an inspiration to me. He shows me what alcohol can take away, but how it is possible to reclaim it.
Two weeks for me tomorrow!!!

[peterpinot]

Keep up the good work everyone! I've been better this week by practicing saying NO MORE when I reach a certain point. That's my biggest problem - once I start drinking I can't stop. But this week I've made progress. Every morning this week I saw half a bottle of wine on the kitchen countertop and it kind of makes me think I deserve a tiny bit of credit for not drinking it all as I usually do. My next goal is to see 3/4 bottle and work upward. I told my MD about my alcohol consumption (another step forward) and he told me everything I already know about the impact excessive alcohol has on your health. Please give me a little more time before I post "DAY 1!".