Eric don't hate yourself. Its an illness and a tough battle. Just keep posting your honest thoughts here like you have been doing. Keep talking about it and it will make you more aware of the addiction and make it harder to drink. Your making progress. I always felt the disease wanted me to hate myself so I would just give up and keep drinking. I got sick and tired as they say of being sick and tired and quit. Couldnt handle the addiction cycle any more. Sending good sober thoughts your way today. Today can be your day 1 of a great life.
Originally Posted by Eric
Ahhh, the difference a day can make, to the good or bad. I was thinking about our discussion yesterday this morning on the way to church. I hosted a dinner party last night..just family. Because I was not drinking while cooking, dnner was served n time and everything came out great. After dinner, I still had energy to play with kids. I went to bed relatively early and slept great, with crazy dreams, and woke up feeling great. On the way to church, I was thinking about what you said about the alcohol/age issue. Now that I am over 45, I just don't deal with alcohol as well as I used to.. If I drink, I don't sleep well, I feel like crap in the morning, and it is harder to recover. I have finally come to the realization that it is more than just drinking too much and embarrassing myself on occasion which finally made it "click.". It has just finally come to the point that it is just not worth it. As you mentioned, it doesn't take much at this age for alcohol to affect sleep, etc. I now don't drink caffeine, on purpose, at night for the same reason. (I accidentally drank it Friday night, thought it was decaf, and was up wired all night.)
I do not miss that hangover feeling at all!!!!!! It took many, many years, but the downsides to drinking, even a little, finally outweigh any "perceived" benefits.
Eric, you sound like you are quickly approaching that resolution as well. I am sure you wish your post this morning mirrored your one above.
Six weeks tomorrow. Hard to believe. Loving it!!!!
Last edited by Millie; 08-28-2011 at 10:42 AM.
Millie-I agree with you about not being able to handle alcohol and recover from it as well. Stop and think how many of us are in our 40 somethings and are now realizing that.
It seems I was able to control my drinking until now, the last couple years it was like hitting a brick wall and finally realized that I can no longer tolerate it. It took a while, but it finally sank in.
Yea, no hangovers now feel so great. So a little anxiety, I can handle, but the overall crappy feeling of the effects of alcohol, I know longer miss.
All of you who are still struggling, hang in there, one of these days you will just say it's not worth it anymore. Just think when you think you wanna drink, just think of how you will feel tomorrow, feeling crappy and craving even more, then maybe the feeling today will pass.
I concur with what Samantha is saying when it comes to those who are struggling to string together a couple of sober days...Keep trying no matter what, the key is (in my humble opinion) to never give up on trying to get sober.
As I have previously posted, I have a history of telling myself sooo many times that I was quitting only to get drunk that very night....But I kept trying anyways no matter how mad/disappointed I was with myself. I won't kid you it was one heck of a struggle to stop once I was in the grips of another drinking cycle but I kept trying to stop nonetheless.
I can't really put my finger on the reason why some people are finally able to stop for good. I'm only on Day 32 and have been sober this long many times in the past only to fall back to Day 1 so I am certainly no expert.
Perhaps like Millie and Christy said after reaching a certain age we realize we just can't process the booze like before and perhaps the notion of permanent sobriety becomes clearer to us.
In my case the idea of a 20 minute buzz after the first 2 beers and then just becoming numb soon after, all the while trying to regain that earlier buzz by drinking another 20 just doesn't work for me anymore. Then add to that the overwhelmingly hellish soul sucking hangovers I was now getting and the idea of long term sobriety became a very reasonable goal.
Like I said I don't really know for sure what the "answer" to sobriety is(or if their is one) nor do I want to get too ahead of myself but I do want to encourage all of you struggling with Day 1 to give it your all to make it to Day 2 and beyond. From my limited time sober so far I can say that at Day 32 I feel sooo much better than I did Day 1.
It's not easy and not always fun but we must Keep fighting for sobriety no matter what.
Interesting and though-provoking article from CNN - I might check out her book. The comments are a mixture of the thoughtful and the terrifying - be forewarned. I'm one of those questioning/agnostic/atheists that just has found the spiritual aspect to AA difficult and unhelpful. Funny, huh? That a forum called 'Spiritual River' has made part of the difference. What I liked about Patrick's approach here was zero-tolerance coupled with an understanding that different people will need to get to zero-tolerance from different places.
Sam, frog,Rosella, fifi, badger, Ryan, Billy Justin and everyone else that hasn't posted in a while, please update us re: what is going on!!!!
Sam, good to hear from you. I've been thinking about you; sorry I haven't taken a moment to say hi. I'm so glad you've been able to stay away from alcohol! I hear you on needing a lot, not a little, to satisfy me. Especially when I hadn't been drinking for a bit, it seemed like I'd drink extra to make up for lost time. I'm not familiar with benzos, but it sounds like you're trying to be careful.
Hang in there! Like I've said before, working and having an 18 month old and two older kids plus your husband working long hours is inherently stressful. It is really an accomplishment that you've got 15 days! I hope you can find a moment here or there to do something nice for yourself. I believe in you.
Sam - you are doing great - hang in there - it will get better :]
Over two weeks is awesome!!!!
That was when I felt my worse, though. Extreme exhaustion like I couldn't believe. Hang tough and white knuckle yourself through it day by day. Get as much sleep as you can. It gets better, I promise. Don't go back to day one, it ultimately, you know, would suck big time. Keep posting!!!!
Kathy, sylvane, Jesus, and many others, we have not heard from you either. Please post!!! If you think we have gotten boring, it is because too many former posters are missing.
Jpvd, Kristen, and trish have also been missing!!! Where are you?
6 weeks! Well done Millie and Casey too. You guys were meant to start on the same day as me, thank you for the added sense of accountability. Wish I had the same accountability for exercise Millie!
I'm still thinking about alcohol alot (the majority of the day really) and I have missed it but the urge to have any has waned. I feel more in control, like I am now more powerful than alcohol, whereas before I was in a constant cycle and it always had the upper hand, I was weak. I can see clearly the benefits of sobriety but until you step away from drinking every day you really cant fully imagine how your life changes for the better. Lots of little things have changed for me and I really didnt comprehend the full effect my drinking was having on me, my family and friends. It seemed such a massive step on Day 1 but so glad I did it.
Quite tired but sleeping well. Someone said it could take around 6 months for your body to repair properly.
Thanks for asking Millie. On Day 10 today- made it to double figures!! Next goal is 2 weeks. Just working at little steps at a time.
Very tired like many of you- I used to drink to push through the tiredness so now I think my body is so deprived of rest it's rebelling. I've got pains in many of my joints so am feel 83 rather than 43!
To those of you struggling( like I still am) please persist. I really do think that each attempt to give up teaches us something and gives us extra tools to help the next time. I've tried so many times, and the further I get from day 1 the more I don't want to return there.I think about alcohol alot during the day also, but am now really thinking about the consequences rather than going to the nearest bottle shop. This is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done but I know it's all so much for the better. Wishing you all well
So much for sleeping well..it didn't happen last night, and can't blame caffiene or alcohol...
Yeah, six weeks. We are well on our way, mairianna and Casey.
Rosella, well done on 10 days. The early extreme exhaustion s tough!!! I think you should sleep as much as possible and not push too hard. Your body is repairing I think. Fortunately, the exhaustion will go away in a couple of weeks or so. It gets better and better, so don't go back to day 1.
Hi everyone. Peter I hope you made it through the storm okay. I wound up with some water damage to a window and wall. Boy did I need to fight the urge to drink all weekend!
Millie and Marianna thanks for helping me, more than you know, make it to 6 weeks. I am so happy for you too. Bill I felt the same way about how quickly your body begins to recover from alcohol. You are doing great along with many others out there.
I still think about alcohol a lot. I don't know how or why but I find myself, even though I am so pleased not drinking, thinking about trying to control drinking again or just drinking beer. When I go places now I am consumed with watching people drink and figuring out how they are handling it. I must look pretty strange!
Regina I am happy to see you posting again.
Good luck to all!
Day 33 -
Good posts again and I see some of my own patterns in many of them. Interesting how so many "problem" drinkers regardless of age, geographic location, economic situation, family situation, male or female have such similar thoughts, actions and reactions when it comes to alcohol.
Good luck gang and stay sober today.
Millie, thanks for reaching out to our friends.
Cathy, how are you doing? Last we heard you had picked some tasty veggies.
Julliet, it would be good to hear from you.
Justin and Billy, do you still drop by and read the posts? You'll notice we have more men in our group now, which is good.
Congrats to all of us who are living alcohol-free, however many days.
Regina and Peter, feel free to join us any time. It's not easy to start stopping but it is so worth it. Just tell that voice to shut up, beat the devil off with a stick, tell the urge to take a hike, tell yourself you can always drink tomorrow, whatever it takes, just don't drink today! Good luck.
Hi all - Millie!! I thought nobody remembered me - you must have scanned back through the thread! Thank you. I've been lurking around here but haven't posted because I didn't feel like I had good stuff to add. But I do see how every person adds something to the discussion - those of you w/ lots of days under your belt and those of you fighting those Day 1s.
I'm on Day 28. I feel great, but I have my moments when I think, "Is this all there is?" It reminds me of Patrick's thing about "taking massive action" and reinventing your life. When you take out alcohol, you are left with raw emotion, lots of physical symptoms to deal with, lots of time to think. I need to replace it with constructive things that will help my mind and body. Otherwise, I'm likely to give in.
You folks with lots of days - what have you replaced alcohol with? I've heard you talk about enjoying your family, connecting with other people, getting involved in the community, appreciating nature, gardening, baths, exercise. Anything else? Those are great things, by the way.
Thank you and I'll post more often - I love this group even though you guys don't really know me!
Hey gang. Tomorrow is the official 30...
Today was a tough one for some reason. Really had to concentrate. Been zinging along lately. Guess the nasty addiction had to remind me it was still there. Sucker has a grip that's foe sure. Had the "am I really giving up forever or is this just to prove I can later" thoughts. Insidious nasty little thoughts.
Anyway, Peter, everything ok after the storm? I used to lve watching the thunder storms when we lived in St Louis. Suspect this was a bit different.
Sam - You sound like me not so long ago. I keep hearing it gets better, though right now could easily sleep all day. Saturday I tucked away about 20 hours. Stick with it. It will ease up.
Rosella - Same. It will improve. I'm better than week 2, but I can see it will still be some time. Right now I'm focused on little steps while staying sober. Some extra exercise here and there. Some stretching now and again. But my real focus is staying away from vodka. We'll get there!
Millie/Dfly - Thanks for the continued cheerleading. It does make a difference.
Marianna / Casey / Mille - Keep it going!!!
Mel - Great article.
Be well all.
Last edited by Connor1a; 08-29-2011 at 12:47 PM.
Connor, congratulations on 30 days!! Woo hoo!