How to stop drinking

[Sally]

Good morning :]

Was doing some “surfing” through some of my books this morning and came across this, “If we allow an alcoholic thought to lodge in our minds for any length of time, we are in danger of having a slip. Therefore, we must dispel such thoughts at once, by refusing their admittance and by immediately putting constructive thoughts in their place. Remember that alcohol is poison to you. Remember that it is impossible for you to drink normally. Remember that one drink will lead to others and you will eventually be drunk. Remember what happened to you in the past as a result of your drinking. Think of every reason you have learned for not taking that first drink. Fill your mind with constructive thoughts.”

I know a lot of you are struggling, even after having some days under your belt, and I have been thinking about that. This is a great forum but I think Ruth hit it on the head – we also need to have interpersonal relationships, be that AA or some other form. You need to be able to physically and/or emotionally connect with others who are struggling, not just posting online. For me it has been two wonderful friends that keep me grounded, keep me motivated, keep reminding me to never give up. I think if you get out and interact you may see your mind moving forward and your spirits lifting. Don’t get me wrong, this site has been my saving grace, but as with life you need to continually grow and let people in. Find someone you can connect with outside of SP – it may help. Just a thought :]

Congratulations to all of you – from 1 day to 200+ keep up the good fight – WE CAN BEAT THIS!!!!

[Vic]

Good morning all.
Excellent posts Sally and Ruth a lot of insight in them.
At this stage my attitude remains sobriety is number one above everything else for without it I have nothing.
Have come to the conclusion that in my previous attempts at sobriety I was not 100% accepting of the fact that drinking was no longer an option now if I wanted a better life. I held on to the faulty notion in the back of my head that alcohol was still useful in some situations and it was just plain fun to booze it up and get that "good" buzz.
But that was just a delusion because alcohol has not been useful for many years and can't remember the last time I've had a good buzz. The stone cold reality today is alcohol is a mortal enemy and has absolutely no place in any part of my life.
Moreover, I think in the end you basically just gotta want sobriety more than anything else in life and accept the truth that alcohol is your mortal enemy and as far away from being a helpful companion as you can get.
I think until you reach that point (from my experience) sobriety is very difficult if not impossible to achieve.
Day 30 and glad to be here and wish everybody a sober Friday.

[Sally]

Way to Go Vic!!! 30 days - you earned every day of it :] And you are right - drinking is no longer an option. Funny that that is so hard to comprehend, because when we reflect back it should be a no brainer LOL. It destroyed so much of our lives, why would we even contemplate letting it back in? Happy Friday everyone :] Just don't drink this weekend - it is sooooo nice to wake up without a hangover and remorse - try it!!

[nicolelee]

Good morning everyone (6:30am here). I am on day 21! I have started to exercise, walking/jogging with the dog, and I am feeling better each day. Every day is still a decision to not drink and I can't look too far ahead, but it is definitely getting easier. Thanks for the quote, Sally, those thoughts pop into my head and give me anxiety, they do need to be stopped immediately and the mind refocused. Vic - Alcohol really is a mortal enemy, so deceptive in making one think they can feel "better" with it and playing on one's weaknesses.

Keep making progress everybody! Let's have a no remorse/no hangover weekend

[Millie]

Sally,
I agree with most of what you said, but am not convinced I need a interpersonal relationship about alcohol outside of this forum. This group gives me the insight, support, and understanding I need to keep it up. That said, my family knows I am not drinking, but I usually just say I am trying to be healthier, or trying to lose weight.. Obviously, they are happy I am not drinking, but it is really not discussed, which is fine with me. No one ever directly confronted me and told me I needed to stop drinking.. (My mom would say comments every now and then if I drank too much in front of her) I don't have any other friends right now that are trying to quit. That said, I do think giving up the drink will help all of us develop better relationships with other folks. I often drank at home and avoided going out. Knowing I can go anywhere, talk to anyone, without worrying about being intoxicated is so liberating. (don't get me wrong, I am fully capable of embarrassing myself or putting my foot in my mouth, etc while sober, but that's life). Miarianna, I think you were the one that posted that you were getting more connected to folks in your neighborhood.

So, what I think I am trying to say is that we are all very similar, as we are all fighting the same enemy, but what each of us needs to fight the good fight might be different. This forum may be enough for some of us, others may need to add AA, counseling, in-house rehab, books, strong interpersonal support group, etc. One thing I like about the forum, is all the discussions re: what has worked for folks to avoid drinking. I do think interpersonal relationships are important, and one of my goals is to work on strengthing friendships in this town, I just don't want them to be centered around me and my issues.

Ok, I am not sure I am even making sense..

[Millie]

Peter,
One day soon you will run out of excuses and will make the decision to quit. Don't give up!

[Connor1a]

Hey gang. Day 26. My missus' birthday today. Was supposed to take her into the city for shopping, but I ended up laying down and taking a 3 hour nap. NAP! Clearly I am still dealing with the exhaustion and still have the headaches and rning ears. Hitting the DR next week. If I have a tumor I may need to relapse a wee bit. . I won't have a tumor, but they will yell at me for being fat. Aw well. as for the missus, she is dragging me to a very cool little leboneese place we both love. She understands the sleeping issue as she just hit day 60 a few days ago... Said my sobriety was gift enough. So all together now, awwwwwwwww... Ain't that sweet.

Peter - it sounds like you have had a very tough week. Don't beat yourself up mate. You will start, and be successful, when the time is right. Just please start with a DR visit.

Mille - I'm in between you and Sally. I take a great deal of support from this forum and would not be successful in AA. I'd end up trying to get them to play beer pong just to mess with them. It's a weakness. By the same token, having my wife share this with her own drive to sobriety has also been important. It's nice to sit down and talk to some one too.

Erin - So glad you get some support here. Sharing your story is a very human way of connecting. Connecting with others of a similar position really seems to distribute the pain so to speak. At least, I take great comfort from it.

Bill - I never packed my vodka, I'd just just pick it up on my way through duty free at the airport. I'm glad I never thought of the bottles in the suitcase! Sincerely hope the self view continues to grow. It should. Just be proud of everyday you make it on this side of the fence.

Vic / Nic - Can't agree more. Alcohol is demon juice. It promises relief and a chance to forget the day's woes, but the it snatches it all back so quickly. My cravings are relative controllable. I use one of Rossele's DDDDs. Distraction. I get up, grab my 8 year old, and tickler her until she screams. By the time its over, my craving is as well.

Have a great weekend friends.

[peterpinot]

Well everybody, I have been reading my previous posts and noticed most of them were about me and I am so sorry about that. I want to congratulate everybody here that has reached day 1 (even if it was numerous times) and all of you on day 2, 5, 7, 30+. You deserve a LOT of credit. The reason I'm here is a good one. I joined this forum when I recognized - and finally admitted to myself - that I have a drinking problem. Denial is also an enemy. I've been drinking daily for a long time but when I realized I need to keep my stash of "heroin" in the liquor cabinet I found you. I still have the stash but I feel stronger every single day when I read your posts. I thought so many times that I'm alone - even though I know about AA and other people in the same boat, but it's because of your posts and positive attainment and positive attitude that's going to make me do it. I'll do it but I don't know when. Today? Tomorrow? Next week? I'LL DO IT eventually! Thank you so much Millie for your posts like "Peter where are you?" Well, I'm here for now! I had another excuse for drinking yesterday. While driving home from work the news was predicting doom & gloom for the eastern seaboard. That's me. Went to the bar and had wine and raw clams (a guaranteed recipe for me to be REALLY swollen in the face this morning) Hurricane Irene is approaching. It's supposed to hit Saturday night into Sunday night. Monday is supposed to be a nice day! I know I'm rambling but I just want to tell you this. Love You All.

[peterpinot]

Dragonfly like before you make tears in my eyes. I'm crying. My life, my dogs' and yes my wife. F'in failure. And you people don't know why.

[carol]

Vic, congratulations on 30 days! Way to go!

Connor, enjoy the b'day. Look forward to your 30 days next week.

Dragonfly, hurray for 10; like I said the other day, gimme 15! I know you will.

My husband wants to sign up for a class that costs $80. He's afraid to spend the money because of the cost and because something might come up that would cause him not to be able to go. I told him to go and spend some of my drinkin' money! That I would have spent that amount of money just like that-snap! without thinking, and sent it down the drain, so go for it. He hasn't done it yet but I'm going to keep pushing him. It's nice to feel like we have extra money for things like that because I'm not wasting it!

Peter, I can feel your pain and anguish. No, I don't know why and that's your business. Whatever it is I am SO sorry. You are NOT a failure!
And now I'm going to be a little bit harsh. There is ALWAYS a reason to drink, and it sounds like right now you've got a doozie. But if you stop, you will:
1) Be better able to cope with it and take what actions you need to, and
2) Have tons more money to help you, money you are pouring down the drain with drink right now
I don't have a right to be harsh and I do have a right to be harsh. I haven't been through your situation and your particular pain. But I did f*** up my life drinking, poured a lot of money down the drain, and luckily am still married.
OK, I got that off my chest. Whatever you are going through, know that we care. We want you to be OK. We have all drunk more and longer than we wish we had. You may not be ready. I hope that you will be soon. In the meantime, again I am SO sorry for what you are going through. Good luck!!!!

[Ruth]

Isn't it funny when others who respect us downplay the problem? That puts the ball squarely in our court. I talked to my doc several years ago about how much I was drinking (ok, so I didn't tell her the WHOLE truth), but I did tell her that I was drinking on a daily basis, that I used alcohol as a way of asserting my adulthood etc., etc.- and she told me not to worry, that I had no idea how much "those" people drank. Anyway, we are the ones who know deep down inside that we are/were drinking our lives away... our LIVES! We can't hope that someone else will intervene and make us understand; we have to do it ourselves.

The power of this forum is that, for me, I can tell you the whole, unadulterated truth. I don't have to worry how I look, or what you think, I just get to be honest with you, and with myself. The power of this forum is also in the compassion and love that each of you brings. We all know the shame and sadness that is drowned by all that alcohol, and we know how slippery the issue is. I laugh at people drinking, gossiping about their friend who has a "drinking problem" because they quit drinking! Crazy talk! All I can say is, there comes a time to commit to yourself, to love yourself, to engage in life, and for us that means looking at life unflinchingly with a sober mind. Stay strong and don't give in to the addictive voice!

[Mairianna10]

Connor, aaaaw, that is really lovely. Enjoy. We're all off to the cinema tomorrow and then out for a meal. It's the last Harry Potter movie - we take ages to get films here. Used to be "och we'll just have something to eat at home", get home as soon as possible, get to drink and the sooner the better. There was also the problem about drinks with the meal and whose turn it was to drive. All focussed on drink, selfishness, not related at all to quality time as a family.

Yes Millie, I am connecting more with the community, I feel a part of it again, have been asked to go on a local committee, I'm much more connected with my family, with friends. Friday nights were never like this before. Kids both out, just going to collect my daughter from a friend's. I was so selfish, didnt let her go anywhere as it stopped me having my precious drink. I know its early days but the more sober I become the better life is becoming, bit by bit.

For me personally I find this forum enough of a help without involving anyone else. I dont want anyone (apart from you guys) to know of my problem. I met a close friend today and I almost told her about my success but I changed my mind. I also gave a family friend a lift today. He is an alcoholic too. I dropped him off at his favourite watering hole. He was really thin, haggard, bad breath (really bad), red veined nose, difficulty with his walking. Everyone knows he's a heavy drinker, chronic drinker. I think when you are at the stage where it is clear to everyone its harder to move on properly. I know a few people who have many many years of recovery but they seem to be labelled forever. I think I've managed to hide it pretty well but had I continued any further who knows what would have happened. I think if my passenger today had said anything about having a problem I would have disclosed my own but in a way I'm glad he didnt. I dont think it would have helped either of us. He's not ready. I was ready to start living on 19 July and you guys have carried me through to Day 39. Thank you and nite x

[casey]

Well said Ruth. I couldn't say it any better than you did.
Good luck to any of you in Irene's path. It should be and interesting weekend.
Good luck to all!

[Millie]

Peter, I second Juliet! I too will be thinking and praying for you. Don't be too hard on yourself and stay safe. We care!!!

[Mel]

Spot on, Ruth! It has amazed me how doctors can be complicit or obstructionist in addressing this problem - and I also understand the danger of it affecting your insurance eligibility or coverage. "Those" people are me and you and all of us - even if we aren't at the stage of inhabiting that physical failure (externally,
yet!).

[nicolelee]

Great posts as usual. I had a grueling day at work so I am a little brain dead, just wanted to check in. Picked up a pack of my favorite candy from the store for a treat to enjoy instead of a drink, hubby making dinner In the past this would have been a drinking to de-stress night since work was busy, although I had a few thoughts I was able to refocus pretty quickly.

I hope everyone near the hurricane fares well, batton down the hatches!

Mairianna - I have been wanting to tell people about my accomplishment too but thought I had better not. My husband and kids know, that is enough.

[Connor1a]

Ah the Sierras. I was born in Fresno and raised in Santa Cruz. Spent a lot of time in the Sierra Mountains, Yosemite, and the redwoods. Haven't been there in a couple of decades, but would love to take my children some day... Running out of time though.

Well off to the Stockholm Tattoo Show today. Maybe add another decoration. . Bon weekend!

[Mairianna10]

Morning all, just saw the news, hope anyone affected by Irene is OK.

Have a good weekend Connor, sounds like you're enjoying life.

Ruth, Mel, I agree too about doctors. I've had one of those over 40 health checks and although I didn't tell the extent of my drinking I did say I was drinking every day. Was told I had high blood pressure but not in need of medication as yet. Got a leaflet but no lecture, I didn't feel there was too much concern. I must go and get my bp checked again to see if there is a difference. I think there is a perception that if you're holding down a job you must be OK but I really think the majority of heavy drinkers are just like that, functioning daily but actually wrecked. Hiding it.

Failed with my 30 day exercise challenge yesterday. Should have had 10 days but just couldnt manage it yesterday. Plenty running around but no specific exercise done. So I'm starting at Day 1 again today. Better the exercise than the drink though!

Peter, hope you're OK. Keep posting. We cant tell you when you are ready. When you are ready you will know.

All the very best for the weekend everyone

[peterpinot]

Thank you Mairianna. Thank you everyone.

[Eric]

Good morning! It is so much better to wake up with a clear head and ready for the day than to wake up after drinking too much, being awake from 2-5am with alcohol induced insomnia, with a bloated belly, hungover, nauseous, and wondering when and if it will ever end. No feelings of guilt that you neglected your family and spouse and that your actions were starting to mimic a bad made-for-TV movie about alcoholism. It is truly a gift to wake up sober and bright eyed and I am grateful for that this morning.