Hi all. Just wanted to check in as it's been a while. I've been reading your posts and want to let you know I am thinking of each of you right now - celebrating with you and feeling your struggles.
The past few days I have been re-reading some materials I accumulated over the last year or so while making attempts at recovery and sobriety. I'm finding that I am at a point where some of the things that were presented and discussed in the early days/weeks of my initials attempts didn't make sense to me then as I struggled to "get it" and "get it" quickly so I could move on with my life. Perhaps the one thing I wish I would have understood is when it's said to "take life one day at a time, one moment at a time, fully living in the present" it's really, really, really, really (ok i'll stop) true.
This thinking has made me understand the beauty in the simplicity and truth of this statment. I just read it a few moments ago for the first time. It's from page 416-417 of the AA Big Book (a friend gave me last year and I've never read it... and I've only been to one AA meeting in my life...) -
***** Okay, God. It is true that I-of all people, strange as it it may seem, and even though I didn't give my permission-really, really am an alcoholic of sorts. And it's all right with me. Now, what am I going to do about it?" When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.******
Hope this helps someone else today. Celebrating 98 days today! A new record, which is there only to be beat by further records each day!!
Kathy, you have such an eloquent way with words and I LOVE your insight!! Your post inspired me, and I'm not a drinker, so I know it had to really inspire others. I have a hard time accepting life on life's terms even without the problem of wanting a drink. Thank you for continuing to pass your wisdom on to the rest of us!!
Thanks for the cyber hug Samantha x
Millie, my last post and yours crossed over and I couldn't believe when I read yours just now how similar we are feeling. Casey seems a bit low in mood too. The three of us are on the same day so its good to know its just a stage we need to get through. Could hardly do anything today, very sluggish, moody. Had a thought that a couple of drinks would perk me up but I've come on here to let that pass. No way will I be touching the stuff!
Sending everyone love, please dont drink, its not worth it.
Mairianna and Casey, I am thankful we are on the same day. You two give me strength to stay sober, so we can rack up more and more days together . Frankly, everyone on here helps give me strength, through both the sharing of your successes and struggles. We are all working toward the same goal.
cathy, you prior post has sent me down memory lane of all the times I've made a fool of myself by drinking too much, and I've realized that I have ALWAYS had a problem with alcohol from the first time I was introduced to it... This is not something that just snuck up n me the last few years.. 30 years is enough time to experiment whether I can "control" my drinking. The answer is clearly NO. Lol
Stay strong. Dragonfly, hang tough. Post and let us know how day 1 is going.
Billy, thank you. It took me DAYS to find him. I ended up cross referencing lmsw, psychologist
On my insurance list. It's hard to determine who specializes in what. My pcp told me a counsellors job is to LISTEN and not give advice. Interesting. Then I saw his name recommended in my area on Psychology Today's site. Please check it out it was very helpful. Please let me know if I can provide more info.
I am so happy to help anyone in this forum. You have all given me hope and courage. Now it's time for me to give back.
Kibp, thank you for your wisdom. I will reread. It's so helpful. I too was wondering about Julliet.... Please post we all miss you.
Hi you all,
I am a recovering hydrocodone addict, had a prescription and took it too far. Am 17 days clean and doing well. Never had a problem with alcohol, had to hold my nose to drink it. Lately while trying to come clean with the hydro's I've found myself drinking a bit of wine to feel a little better. Do you think this is a mistake, am I switching one addiction to another? Does it take much to get addicted to alcohol? The past few days I've drank maybe three good sized wine glasses a day, is that too much? The last thing I want to do is have to overcome a new addiction. Like I said I've never had a problem with it before and could hardly stomach it. I drink it fast so I don't have to taste it and just get a bit of a buzz. Comments welcome!
Thank you Sam, I needed to hear that. Since I've never had a problem with alcohol I thought it would be okay but yes I definately have a addictive personality and was afraid I may be substituting one addiction for another. I will stop right now. Thanks again
Good advice Sam! Dear Mr. T............it's not worth finding out. I drank very occasionally, socially for many many years without even an inkling of a problem. Then 5 yrs. ago something changed. It became like an ally to me when I was going through some difficult relationship issues with my husband. Only in reality it was just a way to escape the hard issues I was facing. Vodka was my poison of choice because I don't like beer, and wine gives me a headache. Well in a very short period of time I was drinking about a 1/2 pint a day........straight from the bottle and fast. I said to my husband many times since then "Who would have ever thought I would become addicted to alcohol?" "Me of all people, who only drinks about 5 or 6 times a year?" I'm still puzzled how it happened to me.......because I've always had a pretty strong determined frame of mind about things! So......anywho.......best to stop now, while you're still ahead. And I wan't to congratulate you on kicking the Vicodin's down the road! Keep up the good work!
Dragonfly.....I feel your pain. This too will pass. Sayin a special prayer for you tonight before I turn in.
Carol - congratulations on 90 days!!! WOOOO HOOOO!! You are my hero - and have been my inspiration through my travels on this site - thank you for each and every one of your posts (MAYDAY MAYDAY - LOL LOL LOL) You've come a long way from where you were - keep going - keep inspiring all of us.
Kathy - such words of wisdom - congrats on 98 days - AMAZING!! Who would of thunk the little lady from bum f*** Oregon could do it LOL LOL - you're a hoot in my book girl!!!
52 days for me - had to figure it out because I have quit counting - which is a good thing... Life is good - I am so blessed to have this freedom. Best wishes to all for a beautiful sober day - keep on trying - never give up - you can have this freedom too!!! And in my humble opinion just one sip, one swish, is one too many - buzz or no buzz - you are still putting alcohol into your system and your body knows it - the beast knows it....he is there 24/7...
Day 18 and still miserable but I didn't drink and here I am with a new day. Cancelled the meal out with friends tonight as my frame of mind is not good, worried I may be tempted. Going to join them for a movie though - Bridesmaids - supposed to be a good chick flick.
To Dragonfly, Sam and everyone really struggling, I cannot tell you how often I've talked myself out of not stopping, always not just yet, I would have a heavy session over a weekend as I was supposedly going to stop on the Monday, then Monday night I'd be so desperate I'd have more, Tuesday, Wednesday, then "och well weekend soon, I'll stop this coming weekend, and so it went on - for years. The other thing was the elation I would feel once I'd made my decision not to quit until the next weekend, no more struggling, giving myself permission to carry on.
I believe that things come in for you when you most need them and on 19 July I was meant to find this forum and it has been my saviour. Please keep trying and keep posting and DONT drink.
Sally, 52 days, well done. I really think although I'm feeling low I could make it as far as you and beyond. Carol, Kathy in the 90s, what must that be like, Wow.
"Always believe that you can, and you will find that you can."
I am thinking maybe I should stop posting for awhile until I get some sober time together. I am ashamed to say I drank last night. :-( I am back on day 1.
I am afraid I am not going to be able to do this. There is a part of me that wants to keep drinking but the rational part of me knows that alcohol is and has been destroying my life.
I don't want to bring other people here down and I feel like a complete failure.
Tomorrow is my sister's wedding. My husband will drink (he drinks every day). I will hate myself even more than I do now if I drink tomorrow but I don't know how I will manage to get through the wedding without drinking. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.
I am sorry this post is such a downer. Maybe I should just be quiet for awhile.
Regina - don't quit posting!!! You are not a downer - we need to hear what you have to say, good, bad or indifferent. I felt like you a ways back and everyone encouraged me to stay on and keep posting - so I am passing that on to you. It is what saved me and helped me to get my act together. You are on this site because you know that you have a problem and you know that you have to deal with it....hard to do...easier to just drink - but you can do this. And a wedding without drinking is NOT the end of the world - it is an eye opener. If you drink you will wake up with regrets - if you don't drink you will wake up with insights - try the later - am pulling for you :]
Well it's the start of day 5 for me. A lot of things are going through my head. Like............really? it's been a very long time since I entered a 5th day without booze, and am I going to start having some nasty withdrawals? I woke up with a headache in the middle of the night wondering if it was related to the absence of vodka in my system. So I drank some orange juice and took 1 excedrin, and no headache this morning. It's 7:50am ET here in Michigan. 3 of my grandkids are coming over to spend the day. We're going to play outside in the sprinkler, slip and slide, wash the car, and just soak up the sunshine. That's a gaurentee that I won't drink for most of the day. Is anyone else on day 5? I'd like to compare notes on a few things. I noticed that 3 of you guys are on day 4 together! Now that's a wonderful thing! You can prop each other up (along with the rest of us) in the days ahead. I thought I would feel more of a spark, more excited and full of anticipation about entering day 5, but strangely it feels surreal. The last time I went 5 days, it was because I had no choice. I was with family who thought I had overcome the addiction. This time it's because I felt so backed into a corner (you know the do or die thing) that I chose to abstain on purpose.
Ok.........I'm going to use Ryans method and plan out each day in advance. Do everything on purpose and be aware of the triggers that prompt me to get started on a downward spiral. I'm becoming increasingly aware that this forum, and all of us reaching out to help each other, is the one common denominator for all of us. Without this awesome support sytem, no telling where we'd be today. For anyone of you back on day 1 or 2, please realize that you've finally found an answer. There are so many of us to prop you up. Keep posting NO MATTER WHAT you're going through.
Regina I juat read your post. Please don't stop posting. Tomorrow at your sister's wedding when the drinks are flowing all around you, perhaps your rational self can choose to drink only 1. Perhaps your rational self can say "Okay....I may not be able to resist drinking any. I can drink only 1. For survival purposes, look at it as a step toward not drinking any. I think it would be worse for you to try try try so hard to resist, take that first drink, and then feel like a complete failure and drown yourself into complete despair. Make today part of day 1 and Sunday the rest of day 1. Then come back here and recieve love, acceptance and a helping hand to make it to another day.
Please God give Regina the strength and courage to keep moving forward............
Regina-Don't quit posting. Since I've been on here I have not had a drink since. This is what saved me. It's been about 2 months for me, the longest since I was pregnant, and that was 25 years ago.
About the wedding-I made it through one last weekend. It was tempting, but it was so great to enjoy it without being buzzed and acting stupid, unlike some others. I think that's what kept me sober all weekend. It was basically a 3 day party since we all stayed in a hotel with family and wedding party with booze all around.
You can do it. Just stay no drinking! Sally said it about a wedding without booze is not the end of the world and it is an eye opener. Just keep busy socializing and enjoying talking to the people with remembering the next day with what you said.
Pulling for you in this girl!
Dragonfly-when coming off alcohol in the past, my hands and feet used to itch on the palms and bottom of my feet. I had a panic attack thinking I was allergic to something I ate. So yea, I think this is a normal feeling you get.
Carol hapoy 90 days!! Congrats as that is a big accomplishment. Thank you for being here and all your wonderful sharing.
Dragonfly thats a great way to say it, it becomes a habit not drinking but can take some false starts on the way there.
Regina you had 4 yrs before so I know you can do this. My thoughts are with you and all with a few days to make it through the week end sober. Imagine how good you will feel come monday morning if you dont drink. Just keep posting here on the week end. The more you are here and posting the less likely the alcoholic in you has control. At least thats what worked for me. It was always a battle in my head between me wanting to not drink and the alcoholic. I just couldnt take the brutality of that addiction cycle anymore. I was hoping for something better if I chose to quit, and life has been much much better without alcohol. It can be better for you too.
Hi all... Day 6... Woo Hoo... Almost lost it today, but the missus smacked me up side my head. Fridays are typically the day I would come home and really enjoy a drink. Of course, I would drink the same Saturday through Thursday, but Fridays. Meh. Who knows. I still feel like I am narcoleptic. I literally had to stay home today as I was ready to pass out at the kitchen table over breakfast. Is this normal? I know many spoke of being tired, but I am close to dysfunctional at times. I'm also eating like a horse. I'm not a thin guy, 6'3" and lets just say full figured. But I'm eating like a high school kid again. Ironically, weight is staying the same so something is going on inside. Drinking a lot of water. Taking quality vitamins. Lots of oranges and bananas. Would appreciate hearing any similar stories before I check myself into a home or something. But hey.. 6 days!