U sound so much like me. How did we get here? I keep asking myself this
U sound so much like me. How did we get here? I keep asking myself this
Thanks to everyone who welcomed me...although I have been reading for a while and feel as though I know so many of you guys already. I have had lots of embarassing moments, and guilt is a big trigger for me. So I kinda prefer not to go there and really just look ahead...but my worst involved my sis and I getting into a physical fight and I ended up with a broken hand and she a broken leg. Gross! So I realized that I'm on day 4, as Sat was my last drink. I feel good. I've decided to add some morning "mediative reading" into my routine before work. Sitting outside with my dogs and coffee really sets my day. Today there was a awesome looking butterfly in the yard with black wings, but there was a strip of real vibrant red and white dots on the tip, so as I'm taking it all in and being greatful for the moment...my hyper jack russell terrier dashes over and scared it off, but it was precious. I really feel that my desire to give up alcohol is just that...my choice. I don't think that I'm able to give it up for anyone other than myself, and it is really up to me to give myself this gift. As I said before, guilt has always been such a strong emotion in my everyday life when drinking everyday...that I really think if the alcohol isn't responsible for my ruination, it would be the morning after guilt and the stress of the guilt would give me a heart attack or stroke one day. I certainly feel lighter every morning I wake up, knowing that I don't have anything to really feel that guilty about. So here's to tomorrow.
Badger -- Day 18 in the books! Rock on!! 12 more to 30. :-)
You won't see me on this forum until Sunday after tonight UNLESS I'm able to sneak away. As I've noted before, an old drinking buddy is coming to visit. He needs a place to crash for a few days, and I won't deny him that. Now, with that said, my SOBRIETY comes first. The good news is that I'm on-call for work. I have no urges currently, and my friend has a drinking alternative to me -- my OTHER drinking friends.
I *WILL* be peeking at this forum from my iPhone. My mantra for the next four days is 22 for 29. Get through this weekend, and I'll be awfully close to a month.
The plan calls for nothing special. Truth is, when I'm on call I can't even sneak out to the movies. I can go anyplace and do anything so long as I'm tethered electronically.
And remember this -- as you approach the common trigger times for your own drinking, remember to embrace that feeling that tells you to drink and to ACKNOWLEDGE that it's a feeling. Merely a feeling. Just like the feeling that comes up when you want to flip your boss the bird or honk at the police officer for bottlenecking traffic. ;-) You embrace those feelings -- but you DO NOT ACT on them.
Talk to you Sunday!!
Ryan
Good Morning :]
“How terribly complicated we make life by living in the past, the present, and many future times, all at once! One step, one moment, and then the next step and its moment.
How the simple life brings me freedom!”
This is part of the Hazelden meditation for the day. If you haven’t visited the site you should try it. This is a great way to start your day :]
http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/t...iew?catId=1920
Buddha recommends practicing mindfulness, living in the moment, savoring each second, every task we do as we are doing it. Letting our minds focus on the “now”, not dwelling on the past or what is to come. Too often we forget to live life as it is happening. We worry about our pasts, we worry about the future and what it will hold. We need to make the choice, moment by moment, to be here in our life, one breath at a time. Welcome that breath, be tender to yourself, give yourself permission to enjoy life as it is happening. The future will be what it will be.
Have a wonderful day – JUST DON’T DRINK!! Believe in yourself.
Ryan – great post “acknowledge those feelings, just don’t act on them” I like it :] You will have a wonderful weekend, and I am sure you will learn much from it.
Day 17
I was not tempted to drink last night which is great, but I am still in a great fog. I can't seem to get motivated/engaged in work...I feel sluggish..and cannot concentrate. My body physically feels so exhausted. I keep waiting for my energy to return. I just want to veg. And sleep. And read this forum and other addiction stuff. I kept apologizing to my husband last night for being so boring and distracted....and not able to carry on conversation. I went to bed early.
I am enjoying not waking up with hangovers, but I don't feel great. I feel like I didn't fully wake up. Like I didn't get enough sleep, even though I went to bed early....
This phase cannot pass quickly enough. Regardless, I will not drink today no matter what.
Cathy, your suggestion we write down the bad stuff got me thinking of all the many ways I've embarrassed myself over the years. Not brave enough to put them in writing, though...
Everyone, stay strong and have a great day. Welcome newcomers. Please Post often.
Last edited by Millie; 08-04-2011 at 05:42 AM.
Well Day 17, still feel so low, hoping it will pass soon, maybe just hormones, or part of the process. Wish I could muster a bit more energy.
Well done to everyone, keep going, fab posts. I cannot believe I've reached this stage but I know if I didnt have you guys here I wouldnt have the same incentive - like I dont want to let you down as well as myself.
My husband is thinking he will give up alcohol too but I'm not going to push that. I'm still managing even though he has alcohol in the house so its up to him to stop if he wants. I still open the cupboard and have a look at the booze, strange.
Lets NOT drink today .....
Good morning - Day 3 - thank you for your posts and reminding us to not take that first drink - do not do it! It's good for me to hear about you Day 17ers having low energy. Think about how many days that is - 17! You've accomplished a lot. So don't let the withdrawal symptoms make you throw in the towel. Fatigue is a big trigger. I look forward to my own Day 17, and I will remember your posts when I have low energy. I can't believe I'm only on Day 3!! But here's to the present moment like Sally said. LadyB, I love the visual of you and your coffee, your dog, and the butterfly. Ryan, be strong and observe your drinking buddies from your sober view! Let us know how it goes.
I love this, LadyB!! So awesome to see life from another (sober) perspective.Originally Posted by LadyB
I'm on to Day 2! Was going to start the day with a Paddleboard (I live at the beach), but too windy! Oh well ... tomorrow's another day.
Hang in there, everyone!
Mairianna, we are on same day and seem to be in same boat. I guess these feelings are part of process and we will get through it. Day by day. We will be at three weeks Monday. That is exciting. Regardless of how I feel, getting alcohol out of the mix is freeing in sooooo many ways. I am slowly realizing just how much my world was revolving around the poison.
Good Morning everybody! Its been a great AM for me because I didn't drink yesterday and I have to remember how good it feels to wake up clear headed and not in a fog, so heres to day 2!
Christy - Thanks! Yah think!
Cathy - Great idea on thinking about all the bad, stupid things we all did when we were drunk. I could right a book!
Badger - As always, real good post! Very helpful. Keep them coming because they help us as much as they help you! Thanks!
Ryan - Like your planning ideas! Very proactive.
Mairianna - Our friend from across the pond. Great post because I can definetly relate to how you feel about not letting the others down! Thats why I'll go so long in between posting. Its like that anology an author wrote about the ostrich who puts his head in the sand when danger comes. One can't hide from ones fears! One needs to face fear head on and not hide from the reality of it by being drunk.
Sam & Justin - I hope everything is well!! Don't forget us!
LadyB, Fifi and all the others - Welcome- your in the right place!!
A big hi to my all my friends! Peace
Mairianna and Millie, I'm sending you a big cyber hug. It will get better and you are doing great! I was the same way for the first 3 weeks or so. I think around 4 weeks it got significantly better. I just went to bed early and got as much rest as I could. I did nothing on the week ends and just kept resting when not working. I kind of enjoyed it because I knew it meant my body was healing and getting better. And that meant the alcoholic in me was losing control.
Mr Billy, congrats on day 2. Im so glad to see you back and posting.
Ryan you and Kjbp have mentioned before these are just feelings, I dont need to act on them. I love that and it helps to keep me sober. I've withdrawn from the alcohol and now is time to learn to live life without alcohol. Although its easy on one level on another level I feel like I am 5 yrs old just learning to communicate and function day to day without numbing
myself. Thats where your comments on feelings come in for me and learning not to automatically act on them. Thats a new concept for me! Working on dealing with resentments too so I dont relapse.
Mel, congrats on about 60 days? I hope you are good. Maybe you can update us.
Ohhh Dragonfly........I'm so sorry you're feeling like _hit. The feelings that follow an episode of caving in are so demoralizing, that it would be easy to just drink some more to cover them up! Why is it that we forget the grief, mourning, shame, and feelings of failure (not to mention the physical sickness)....when we haven't drank for a little while? Here's what I do when I screw up like that.......I basically give up the day following as a "lost" day to me forever. I accept that this will be a day of regret......I drink lots and lots of water.......I eat something with carbs and protein, even when I'm nauseated and don't want to eat.......I take 1 Tylenol PM.......most folks need 2.......I find a comfortable place to rest.....I watch tv, read and sleep as much and as many times that my body will allow. Tomorrow you should feel much better physically, but that's when the disgust at the whole cycle of addiction hits. I don't know......maybe your circumstances won't allow you to take out a whole day to start mending. I'm hoping you can though. Then you remember that breaking free of alcohol is a process. Remind yourself of all the steps forward you've already taken.......and you GO ON...........
I'm in my 4th day today. I can't remember the last time I made it past 4 days. A couple of years ago we went camping with family and I had to stay sober for 5 days. I went and bought some vodka the very next morning! Well look where I am now, and because I want to be. Can I make it through this day, and tomorrow and day 6?? I have no idea at this point. I do know this though......God's Mercy is new every morning. He will forgive me because He knows my heart. The question is.....can I forgive myself for being weak and failing? It's getting a little easier for me to not beat myself up, and not call myself names. But I'm finally starting to believe that I can beat this monster down! And so can you!
(((Dragonfly)))
I completely understand what you are going through. Don't give up. Today is another beginning.
Day 3 for me. I actually passed on a work cocktail party with my husband last night. I didn't want the temptation. Tonight I have to go to a formal work dinner with him. I am very scared as it will be long and there will be lots of high end wines and liquor. My husband will be drinking so he is no support.
I am at work and I feel good - clearer headed - but I am worried about tonight.
Dragonfly,
I am so sorry. You are dealing with so much heartache right now, I can only imagine how tough it is.... You made it 7 days through some tough times... You need to pat yourself on the back for the progress you are making. You didn't give in the night before, when your "best friend" didn't come home... It sounds like he didn't make it easy for you yesterday either... Ok, so you caved. Just dust yourself off and get back on track. Was it Samantha that said drinking in these situations is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die??? Don't give him the satisfaction of messing up your recovery!!!
Regina, hang in there tonight. Just keep a good nonalcoholic drink in hand at all times. I like Soda or ginger ale with cranberry and lime...
Last edited by Millie; 08-04-2011 at 10:28 AM.
Dragonfly, it breaks my heart to know that you are apologizing to him for ANYTHING!!!! You are so much better than what you're putting yourself through. What do you owe him? You owe yourself a lot. But I have felt how I imagine you feel. Rejected when you want attention and love, hurt, lonely, etc. I have self-medicated when a man left me before. I have felt weak and I have even used it to try to get attention before. All I can say is if he was your best friend, he wouldn't be putting you through the affair, the sabotage, and all the hurt that he is. I know 20 years is a VERY hard thing to walk away from, and I give you sooo much credit for still loving him - and letting him continue to reside under your roof, I think I'd have pitched his stuff the same night - even through all the heartache. I wasn't asked for it, but in my humble opinion, this guy doesn't deserve you, and it's time to make yourself the center of your own universe, and not him. If he wants to, let him earn your trust and love back, don't beg him to love you when he's the one that screwed up. It's his shame, but you're wearing it. You can do this, honey!! <3<3<3
Regina, I'll be thinking of you and sending positive vibes and strength your way for tonight!!! I believe in all of you, if you are here, you have the desire to stop drinking. Smile and remember to be happy that you can enjoy the moment for what it is, without having to numb your brain!!
Hi Everyone -
Dragonfly - please don't give up. Take Cathy's advice - you can make it through this if you keep posting. We are all behind you. Love yourself - try again you can do it!
Regina - I agree with Millie - g-ale with cranberry - no one will know the dif. Also I have been making "kim'lets" (my non-a gimlet) with diet tonic and lime juice and a touch of olive juice....shaken - it looks like the real thing....
My counseling session was great. I feel much better with renewed faith and confidence. Everyone - thank you. Have a wonderful day. Thank you for everything!
Dragonfly - You'll be fine! I can only imagine what your going through right now, but just don't give up. Go back and read your prior post to see how much you were loving your new life. You'll be that way again and ditto what Erin, Millie, Cathy, Kim and everyone else said!
Regina - Good luck tonight!!
Kim - So glad your counseling went well. I've been thinking of going also but I don't know how to go about finding someone who has experience with substance abuse issues.
Hey Samantha!!
Hope everyone has a wonderful, sober night!
Dragonfly, we've all had many Day 1's. We are behind you. Thank you for posting and letting us in on your life. You are helping others as you try to help yourself.
Regina, stay strong - we're on Day 3! Sit back at the table tonight and watch everyone drink the poison. And don't drink the poison!
Kim, glad it went well, and love the kimlets idea!
Hey, I was just curious if anyone remembers or knows what happened to Julliet? Haven't seen her on here in a couple weeks. Maybe I just missed it.
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