How to stop drinking

[badger]

My name is Terry, this is my first post here. I am 45 and ready to make a serious effort at giving it up. I simply cannot drink in moderation, never have been able to since the very first time alcohol touched my lips. Its always all or nothing. Its simply taking too much of a toll, its robbed me of too much. I have never had a DWI nor am I a morning or lunch drinker, but evenings after work and weekends always drinking to excess. I am tired, just sick and tired of it. I could be a better father and husband without alcohol, period. Today is my third day without a drink.

[nicolelee]

Day 9, wow. I told my 9 year old that I hadn't drank any alcohol in 8 days last night and she was so happy! She doesn't like to see her mom drunk, she doesn't care so much if her Dad is drunk, weird. Anyways, I am a binge drinker, I guess I got addicted to feeling numb, using the stress of being a parent and overwhelming, unending housework, cooking, demanding children as my triggers. Would just love to start cooking dinner while drinking my bottle of wine. It used to be easier to go longer periods without drinking, but it has been getting harder and harder. Weekends, especially Friday nights, are/were the big drinking nights. My husband seems the same kind of drinker as I am and seems happy that I have gone without drinking, he does still drink. I think he may cut back too though. I have been drinking since i was about 19, getting drunk on a regular basis. The only time I stopped for long periods of time is when I was pregnant and breast feeding. I am ready for this lifestyle change, especially being a nurse and seeing first hand the diseases that alcohol can cause Went to Trader Joe's today, walking by the wine section, feeling a little sense of loss. It is all worth it though and every morning I wake up feeling stronger. Going to have a beach day on Saturday, no beer or wine in my cooler though. Will be a challenge since there will be other drinkers there. I will just focus on the good feeling of being clear headed and able to take care of my kids sober. Welcome to the new people! Sylvane - I like the comparison to riding out the wave and it will wash you to the shore! Time, Energy, Love, and Money - I don't want to loose any of them to alcohol anymore! Blessings to all

[casey]

I have been reading old posts on and off all day. I still amazes me how many of us share identical experiences. Things feel different for me too. I feel I am truly ready to qiut binge drinking and just drinking. I am scared all the time that I can't hide my drinking and I am so tired of feeling that way. Mel I too realized I cannot do this on my own now. I actually told my husband about this website today and my need for it. That was a big step for me. When I was active on this site before I kept it to myself like a secret. I want him to know I am serious this time. He always tells me I am too hard on myself but I need him take my "problem" more seriously. I drink more than he even knows. I plan on visiting this site everyday and being able to say I am on day 30 one day. Today is day 1 for me. It has been a rough day but I am so grateful to all of you for sharing your stories and lending support. I am going to continue reading now.

[justin]

day 2,, i think im back on track again. i just had a week moment. i hate alcohol more than anything in this world. its pointless for me to dwell on it. its over and done with..so heres to another 12 days and feeling good. casey congrats on getting a sober day. thats awsome. terry welcome to the forum, 3 days is a good start. just keep coming here and sharing and youll do great. you sound alot like myself. i know im an awsome dad when im sober. i want to be like that all the time. my 9 year old calls me out anytime he sees me with a drink. i had a soda the other day and he didnt believe it wasnt beer, he was so mad at me. anyway i hope everyone is doing good.

[Regina]

I have been on the board for a few days but I feel lost. I know many of you already know each other. I came home from work tonight and my husband had a bottle of my favorite wine so I drank. I feel alone, lost, and hopeless. :-/

[casey]

Thanks Justin. I am glad to see you are still posting and working on getting sober.
Regina, you are not alone. You have everyone here. I haven't been active on this site for awhile but I made the decission today to no longer drink so I returned this morning because it is the only place I can find people who understand what I am going through. My husband doesn't even think I have a bad problem and just tells me not to be so hard on myself. So I visited this site 3 times today and read and read and read. I don't feel so alone now. I feel funny posting 3 times in one day but I really needed to do this today. I hope you return a lot and find some comfort in reading and writing to people who know what you are going through. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

[Samantha]

Hey Bill, I could have written what you wrote. I am very similar to you. I self medicated too, to avoid stress or anything uncomfortable. I too couldnt imagine no wine with a meal. I tell you, going off the alcohol I am enjoying meals without alcohol. Its not as big a deal as I thought it would be. Its amazing to handle situations daily that I used to drink over. You can get sober. However you do it, 30 days or whatever. Alcohol makes you think you need it but I've learned its ok without it. The addiction cycle is so brutal its not worth drinking.

[Samantha]

Badger thanks for sharing and congrats on 3 days. Thats wonderful. I quit for that reason too, sick and tired of being sick and tired. The addiction cycle got so brutal. I just got sick of being a slave to it. I had no DWI and drank mostly nites and week ends too. Just glad to be off the stuff. Over the next few weeks or so get lots of rest and no matter what situation comes up chose not to drink. You will get stronger and the alcoholic weaker. Keep posting too as the alcoholic in you wont like that which is a good thing!

[Cathy]

Regina, I was watching for you earlier today. I'm glad you posted tonight, even if just to express how alone you are feeling. You're not alone. No telling how many of us slipped up today and took that drink. The fact that you came back here (like I did yesterday after drinking) tells me that you're still moving in the right direction. I was feeling embarrased today having to admit that I was back on day 1, when I so much wanted to announce day 3. The accountability factor is the best thing for me right now because I tend towards thinking I don't have to answer to anyone. Well I've been answering to booze now for far too long and I'm mentally trying to prepare myself for the battle ahead. I read something the other day that made me even more angry at the hold booze has on me: "Addiction to alcohol is one of the cruelest of all yokes because it decieves us unmercifully and ruthlessly. It comes to us like a friend, promising to bring comfort. It kisses us on the cheek like Judas, stealing from our treasury, then rents us for a cheap fee to the opposition"

I can't imagine how hard it would be for me if my husband was a drinker. He drinks a few times a year while at the races and reunions, stuff like that. But if it wasn't for me there would never be alcohol in the house. That's another reason why you must keep coming here....to get the encouragement and understanding you're going to need in the days, weeks, months ahead. Try saying outloud to yourself "Regina I forgive you for caving" Thankfully you'll get another chance to succeed every new morning. Another thing to remember too is when we're under the influence.....emotions and feelings are so amplified and intense, but even going this one whole day without a drink, my feelings are already starting to settle down. We'll all be rooting for you in the days ahead.

[Patrick Meninga]

Casey, that is an interesting question you have about "the difference between an alcoholic and a problem drinker."

The best definition I have heard is this:

The problem drinker gets into trouble when you give them alcohol.
The alcoholic gets into trouble when you take the alcohol away.

That makes a lot of sense when you consider the fact that many alcoholics struggle so much to achieve meaningful sobriety.

If the problem was really just the alcohol then stopping would be easy. The alcoholic could just stop drinking and then go on about their life.

But for the true alcoholic, the problem is not the alcohol. The problem is that they cannot live their life successfully without self medicating.

No, when an alcoholic stops drinking, that is when the real challenge begins. The problem drinker goes on about their business, not thinking of alcohol, not obsessing about it, not craving a drink, not resenting the fact that they cannot take a drink. The problem drinker does not think of these things. They simply stop and move on with their life.

The alcoholic cannot stay stopped. They stop drinking for a bit but then life happens. There is always an excuse to return to the alcohol. The problem is not in stopping, the problem is staying stopped. The alcoholic cannot stay stopped.

Consequences can illustrate the difference as well. The problem drinker will get a DUI, and they will stop drinking and driving. Period. They will NOT do it again. The alcoholic, on the other hand, will continue to drink even in the face of heavy consequences.

So the question is, how does the alcoholic stay stopped?

My answer is that they must create a new life for themselves, one that is worth living. Some do this in AA. Some do it with religion. Some do it with exercise. Some do it with fellowship. Some do it with an online forum and start taking positive action in their lives.

If the alcoholic does not create a compelling reason to love and enjoy life again, they will eventually return to drinking.

My 2 cents anyway....

[kjbp]

Patrick, thank you, thank you for your post! You've made it very clear in my mind that I am an alcoholic. Here's to creating a new life!!

[Ryan]

Patrick -- Your problem drinker vs. alcoholic comparison struck a chord with me also. I started drinking when I was 18. I'm in my early 40s. The longest I've gone with alcohol MIGHT have been three, four weeks sometime in the late 90s. What a waste.

I have a couple of random questions tonight:
1. I see that some people are senior members and others moderators yet everybody on here seems to have joined up only a couple months ago. Do we have anybody among us with years and years of sobriety, or are we all essentially newbies?

2. For the people who were, are primarily weekend drinkers -- what did you do on the weekends? I feel like my only choice is to start disappearing on the weekends. I don't go to bars. I hang out with my friends -- all of my friends. If I'm not there, I'm "missing." So when I say I'm not sure what to do, I'm serious ...

Last but not least, I picked up Guy Kettelhack's "First-Year Sobriety" online ... anybody else read this? What did you think?

Thank you for answering my questions. To whatever extent I could ever be a help to you, don't hesitate to send me a message in my spiritualriver inbox. I am hungry for your help and want to return the favor. Have a great evening. Ryan.

[kjbp]

Ryan, I have Guy's book and I'm loving it. I find It easy to pick up and just fan it open and relate to almost anything I read. Several books I've read on the subject that are "how to's", but this one is an excellent compilation of real-life "here's how that first year actually is." I hope you enjoy. An excellent dovetail to the conversations here. Kathy

[Phoenix]

Hey Hey! Day 3 for me and wow am I jones-ing for a night out. Living in Chicago, where the bars close at 4am and the after-hours go as long as you can handle, it is pretty rough. I've got the air cranked and am curled up in bed reading this blog. Totally in to it! So, I'm closing in on 40 and starting to realize I have been partying my life, money, etc. away. I am over it, but the booze and late night "fun" won't cave. Maybe with the help of this blog I can finally get it together.

[Sally]

It is terribly amusing how many different climates of feeling one can go through in a day. —Anne Morrow Lindbergh

What a wonderful quote. Our lives will always be filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And in order to learn you have to go through the pain of living, which I think is why so many of us drink – it’s just too damn hard. But Oh the amazing wonder of living sober…life can be beautiful even when it sucks. LOL.

Dragonfly my heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to live with someone, love them with all your heart and not feel that love reciprocated. I used to think of us as two ships passing in the night, we just moved through the motions, like ghosts, day in and day out, I was miserable, he was miserable… That’s when I woke up from my stupor and said “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” I deserve better! And nothing is going to change unless I make it happen. My life was like chasing an elusive butterfly, should have, would have, could have…while I sat drinking my sorrow and loneliness away…and dreaming my wonderful dreams of Tuscany. NOPE – not for me – I want the real thing!! And now that I am sober I am making my dreams come true. My “Count Your Blessings” jar is overflowing with money and I am planning for my future, either with or without him. Now it is his choice to join me or not. Sobriety brings strength and I realize that anything is possible - and THAT is a wonderful feeling. So be true to yourself, you are a beautiful person and you deserve all that life has to offer – go for it:]

Congratulations to all of you with 1 day on up. Keep fighting this thing. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to change your life…so just do it!! Whatever it takes. I have 36 days and feel wonderful. Who would have thought after daily drinking close to a fifth that I could be where I am – thank you Patrick – thank you all on this site – you made this happen – I was just along for the ride!!

Tomorrow I leave for camping, just me and my dogs…will be incommunicado until the first of August. I am so looking forward to enjoying Northern Michigan with clarity this time. I’ve packed the essentials - a ton of good books and lots of dark chocolate so I am all set. First stop is lots of wood for my fires – I am a bit of a pyro when it comes to camping. LOL. Stay strong everyone – you will be in my thoughts and in my Metta prayer daily. LOVE AND BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!

[rosella]

I'm on to Day 3 of what seems like my 500th attempt.Thought I'd try something new like this to see if it helps. I feel confident this time though. First time ever on any sort of forum. A little scary! Don't really know what I'm doing!!

[Jesus]

it can't be as scary as waking up with a pounding head and wondering what horrors you did or said the night before!

I'm new to the forum myself - welcome!

[Samantha]

Hi Ryan! If it helps I remember the first 30 days which went through memorial day I stayed home. I guess i was really tired too from drinking. I got lots of rest and no alcohol in the house. I went outside on my patio and was on the forum alot and read books. Mostly books like Guy's. Kathy encouraged me to read about our illness so I got several books on alcoholism. I also read Patricks articles which I think made a huge difference in me not drinking. I was scared to relapse and I wanted to learn about my disease. I have started to do things on the week end now that I enjoy. Last saturday I went to the farmers market and then the library to get some summer reading, went to the movies with my husband and have taken long walks. It was weird at first trying to fill the void in time that alcohol took up. But as I move forward in recovery I find things to do that in the past I was too hung over or drunk to handle.

[justin]

great post sally. i hope you have a great time camping.

[justin]

hey rosella no need to be scared. this forum is really awsome. and all you need to do is say whats on your mind and others here will reply and offer support. congrats on 3 days. thats a great start. pheonix if you want it bad enough you can do it. ive been struggling for a long time but i keep trying. thats all you can do. you have 3 days you can get another one. the first week or so is the worst part to get through. usually after a week i start to feel pretty good. and my mood gets alot lighter. my problem is that i get sober time and then i feel like ,, hey i can handle a couple of drinks just for tonight and then tomorrow ill stay sober again. it never works that way. hang in there dragonfly your situation is a hard one. but i know from experience that a few drinks wont make it any better. just hang in there and keep being strong. things will get better. anyway im home from work and on call today so i figured id pop in and see how everyone is so far today. today is day 3 for me agaiiiin! no way im gonna drink today though, ive already decided that much. i hope everyone is doing good. to all the new names i see here just keep on checking in, this forum does help. i know if you look at my track record you may not think that, but before i found this forum i couldnt even get a single day sober. so keep coming, keep speaking your mind. all of us has been there done that. no judgment here.