Well I've done it again. I thought i was doing so well, I'd "reward" myself with a glass of wine while I was cooking dinner. Now its only an hour later and Im finishing off the bottle. why is it so hard to resist?
Sylvane, Congratulations on no alcohol in the house, and good luck!!
Re: bruises, I don't remember any really bad ones (but not remembering is part of my pact with the devil alcohol), but I did break a tooth while drinking. A front tooth, naturally. Talk about not being presentable till I got to the dentist and at least got a temporary. Then I had to have it pulled under general anesthesia. At least I didn't drink that day. . .
There are 2 threads of the blog which preceded this forum that I'm aware of. I've pasted the links in; as I preview this they look a little weird so I'll check again after I post & correct if needed. The more recent is at:
You can read thru Patrick's great advice until you get to the posts. The most recent are there, you have to keep clicking on "Previous Comments" to get to the beginning if you want to read the oldest first. There are 458 comments! I haven't read them all yet.
The older one is at:
Again, you have to keep clicking on "Previous Comments" if you want the oldest ones first. There are 1120 comments! I have read all of these.
I really want to thank all those who have walked this path before us and commented! It is so helpful. Like I said earlier, it isn't just the success stories that help me. It's also seeing myself in others but without being able to hide, and to know that I'm not alone in trying to tame this beast. THANK YOU!
Good Morning - A new day, a new dawn! Just wanted to wish everyone a successful day. kjbp - I am loving the hazelden site - it is very inspiring - thank you for posting. Stay focused, think positive, and enjoy the clarity of the day. Theodora - I thought of you today while I was having my morning coffee and cigarette - I am so proud of you - hang in there. As soon as I can get 30 days in a row I am going to tackle the smoking thing. And don't despair - you will find that someone special who loves you just for who you are:]
As evening rolls around, it's that time again. I know I won't drink tonight. But the feeling that I'm a bit tired, and it's getting toward the end of a day which frankly hasn't really been hard or all that long but which habit tells me it has. So I feel I deserve to sit and relax and reward myself. I suppose that's ok, but my reward of choice is booze, and that's not OK.
So I'm supposed to replace the booze with something, but what? I admire the people who go out and exercise and power thru the evening in such a healthy, positive way, but that doesn't appeal to me very much. (0f course Patrick talks about not being lazy, so maybe I'm just being lazy.) I could have a cup of tea but that doesn't seem like a great pre-dinner thing to do. As i write this, I'm thinking of the concept of an aperitif. Maybe I could gen up some kind of non-alcoholic aperitif to replace the pre-dinner glass(es) of wine. That could be one new good habit I try on.
Mary, good luck tonight. Not sure what time zone you are in. Want to join me for a non-alcoholic aperitif? Salut!
Sylvane, I saw your post over at the water cooler about WOW'ing yourself at the store (Walked Out Without alcohol). That is so cool and what a great concept!
Sam, thanks for the kind words you give to help keep us on track.
And hi to everyone else. Hope y'all have a great evening!
Sylvane - 7 is definitely something to brag about - so pat yourself on the back. Sam and Carol my drill is the same as yours - early in the morning I am gung ho, by midafternoon the day is starting to wear on me, and when I get home it is a struggle...but what I have found to work the best for me is not to have alcohol (at least my favorite) in the house. If it's not here I can't drink it. Then the battle is just convincing myself that it is too much trouble to go out and get it (add to that the looks I would get from my husband) and it's just not worth it. I am also taking a couple of grad classes online - which need to be done by the end of May, made a list of things I've been meaning to do around the house, etc...I am trying not to watch tv, but to listen to more music, read, type posts on here :] take a nap.... well you get the drill... and it does get better. The longer you go without, the more natural it becomes - amazing LOL who'd of thought. Hang in there.
'Signing up' (in any way) for this forum is a step way way way too far for many sufferers.
The difference in the posters is quite obvious from the original site.
I hope people have read Patrick's advice and information, it is quite good and might help some here with their issues.
Personally, I think the posts on this new forum are doing exactly what Patrick suggests. Finding a way to help others, reaching out to others in recovery, and learning to forgive yourself. Patrick stated on his website that he “...believes that networking with others and helping others in recovery is a lot more important in early recovery .” True, the majority of posts are from women in early recovery, but I find it extremely helpful to know that I am not the only woman out there who has gone through, or is going through the same difficulties. This has reinforced that I am not alone in my battle and it has given me the strength to continue on my non-drinking path. And I continue to read Patrick’s online books, follow up on suggestions from posts for alternatives to drinking, get pleasure from the inspirational quotes and suggestions for continued sobriety. I do however miss the perspective from the male contingency and would welcome their input – I am sure that that would change the content of the posts, but until that happens….
Ditto the Good Morning! As always, so happy to see the posts from everyone and read updates.
Sylvan - bravo! on the shopping. I was thinking about you and "channeling" that all went well. I don't trust myself with car keys and $$ to shop alone (nor does my husband), so we make a day out of it for now. Also, good for you on not caring if people stared or what they thought. They have no clue what might have happened - hey - you just might have had a nip and tuck and a little face lift plastic surgery for all they know!
I haven't gone into an office for two years now. The work stress was literally killing me. It became all to easy to sit around and say "what the heck - this project would certainly be a lot easier with my friend Mr. Daniels" (and of course, the project of the day would end up consisting of just hanging with Jack). NOT anymore! Now my job is to make the dog and cat neurotic (until the job market comes out of the toilet). Sylvane, I'm right with you; day 9!
As for the apertif, I've tried water with english cucumber slices - very spa-like. I also have mint growing like a weed in my garden, so I pull some of that and add sliced lemon. If anything, it feels "special". And I drink a ton of sparkling water, a ton.
Nancy, so glad your daughter is doing well. You both are survivors, really you are.
Theodora, I know you're reading. Any plans for this weekend? You should be well on your way past day 100? A beautiful milestone!
Carol, I'm glad you are liking the website I mentioned. It's a quick read and great way to start the day. I read them right before I check in here. I find I'm often sharing some of the thoughts with my husband as they apply to everyday life issues - which is what I think most of us struggled with to end up here - at least true for me.
Mary, Sally, Sam, That Guy, everyone... a good thought to take with us into the weekend... "Success is taking positive action, nothing more. Every person, every situation, can add to my success today. My attitude can help someone else succeed, too." That's why we're here, right Sally?!
Blessings and a smile!
Hi all. I've had a hectic week but keep checking in on this forum. I'm on day 6. Thank you for all the sharing and insight. I feel reading these posts that I am not alone and it gives me hope. Last night at a work function alcohol was around. Even better, free alcohol. I thought about drinking. But then I remember when I start drinking how difficult it is for me to stop the cycle. Maybe a few days or a few months. I don't want alcohol to have such control over my life and I know the only way to stop it is to not drink it. Once I drink I become consumed with having it. Just wondering if anyone hid there drinking from their spouse or family? I would hide wine bottles in the house and drink whenever I could.
im in a relationship with a person who i have been with off and on for the past ten years. he has a very bad drinking habit and i cant stand him. his drinking habits are what has caused us to seperate in the past and i see it happening again, but this time i dont plan on turning back. his drinking is really causing problems in our relationship. this is nothing new though, i really dont even know what made me give us another chance after all that we have been through. its very stressful and causes plenty of issues. i cant deal with it anymore. if anyone has any advice to offer on how to get him help or help him stop, please share... im begging
how is everyone doing tonight? I had some wine, probably more than I should have. I kept telling myself it was Friday and I deserved it.
No, I don't deserve this. I deserve better. But I keep settling for this.
Hey, That Guy & those who don't want to sign up, good news! Look, Patrick has set up the ability to post without having to register! Join us! Just "Reply to thread", no need to log in. Thanks, Patrick.
Sam, like you said, it's done, try again tomorrow. Mary, too. Yes, Mother's Day is definitely a holiday! Go for it! I agree the trick is not to start; once I start I just keep going.
I did make an aperitif last night and actually really enjoyed it. I didn't have much to work with at home and obviously couldn't go out because I would have bought wine. So I took a martini glass, covered the rim with sugar, put some sugar then crushed ice, then squeezed a lemon & topped off with ice water, stirred and voila. Then I sat down and drank it like a real drink. OK, so I'm making much ado about nothing, but it felt like a nice ritual, like pouring that first glass of wine. So I may try it again. Today was a busy day, a quick bite to eat, then a pre-planned social function where they serve great desserts and no alcohol. So 2 days free!
Samantha, I've hidden how much I've drunk, whether I've drunk, and lied about both. I do think sometimes they look the other way because they figure what's the point, we're not going to change and why pick a fight when it's not going to do any good.
Tryin' to change.
Brandy - my heart goes out to you - but you can't make anyone stop drinking - that is something they have to do for themselves. I would recommend that you think about you and move on. If he is not going to stop for himself he definitely won't stop for you. Sorry :[ You could try going to Al-anon meetings for spouses with alcoholics - they may give you comfort and insight into your situation. Good luck!
hey guys, i see things have changed. i had a hard time finding you guys for some reason. i hate change. im glad to finally be here and see you posts.
hey brandy im sorry for your situation. i just want to say as a person addicted to alcohol. i love my family more that anything, and i hate drinking. but hen the cravings come id probably choose the booze above all else. id regret it later. but the cravings are that strong. i dont know why we are the way we r but normal people can have a drink a month and be fine. for me i feel like i want to rip my skin from my bones until i get the drink. i sometimes cry because i dont want to drink but i feel that uncomfortable until i have one. i dont know anything about your boyfriend but if hes like alot of us he doesnt want to put you through this,, he just cant stop. if it was that easy there wouldnt be aa and rehabs.
I have been reading all the posts and am happy to have found all of you. I share many of the same stories and pain. I too wish that I could be a normal drinker but I am not sure that is possible after alcohol has become such a problem for me. I can be alright for awhile but my history is that I will binge sooner or later and I am not sure how much more my body can take. I had my last binge 5 days ago when I drank approx. 2 bottles of wine and passed out. I really want to stop and have been trying to change things in my life such as hobbies, running and yoga. I really want to stop. I have hidden alcohol in the house from my husband and family. I also never over drink in public. My drinking, many times, continues when I get home. Again I am glad to have found all of you and will be returning. There is hope for everyone and I wish you all success in beating the addiction. This is non-drinking day 5 for me!
Thinking of everyone today. I've enjoyed being back in touch with the group this past week and watching it grow. It's wonderful to see the commitment to healing. Welcome back Justin; so glad you found us. Brandy, I appreciate your courage and messaging with us - I'm thinking of you. Carol/Sylvane, the non-al special drink I make is a "savory" version of Carol's lemon. I put cucumber slices (6-8 slices) and ice in a picture and let sit for a bit. Use a "special" glass and rim with salt, pour in cuke water and garnish with sprig of mint. Reminiscent of an amazing martini in the bar at MOMA in NY. I'm going to try the lemon version next! Sylvane, an English cucumber is longer, thinner skinned and ridged - looks sort of like a smaller pointy version of a smaller pickling cucumber. The ones at my grocery are wrapped in plastic. I love them - they are also seedless and have more flavor. Waxless. I got some fresh air today and my husband and I went hiking/hunting for morel mushrooms. Looks like we were about 2 weeks early, but got in about 4 miles. It inspired us to pull all the camping gear out of the attic and plan to get back into "glamping" this year. It will the first time we have camped in our 23 years together w/o alchohol. Makes my heart race a little bit, as we'd usually build a fire, start in on the wine or bouron, and pass the night away. breathe.....ohhhmmmmm.... Oh, and YES, ditto on the hidden alcohol. I'm still in a panic I'm going to randomly wander across something in a closet abyss one day when I least expect it!
Hi all and thanks for the great sharing. I love to read all the comments and not feel alone. We are all on this journey and struggle together. I feel alot of hope reading everyones thoughts. Im on day 7. I feel physically and mentally the best i have felt in a long long time. Every time i think of drinking this past week its in that romantic harmless way. My brain starts telling me its ok. Then i remind myself its not ok. If i drink it will be hard to stop the cycle again and it will not be fun. I need to learn to live life without alcohol. And im tired of alcohol running my life. Mary and Sam tomorrow will be a new day. And Carol and kjbp the non al drink sounds delicious. Happy mothers day to all of you.
just want to say hi to every one and happy mother day to all the moms out their nancy i hope you are haveing a great day you been threw alot you need a great day of fun ... justin how are you doing in your recovery i hope good it is hard i know but it is a thinking problem more than a drinking problem think of all the times that are good then boom some bad happens then its on i hope this help some because its true.... i wish everybody luck in the mind game the only way to stop it is to unplug it.....
Happy Mothers Day! Justin, so good to see you back..missed your words of wisdom - hope you are doing well.
It is so nice to wake up with clarity, enjoy the dawning sun, my coffee, looking forward to the day ahead.
With respect to hiding bottles, I am sure we all did it...we think we are fooling everyone, but we are only fooling ourselves.
When I reflect back on all of the energy I put into my drinking, into buying it - hitting different stores on different days, hiding it, drinking late at night after everyone had gone to bed, drinking early before my husband got home, popping a few before going out to parties, etc...what a waste of time. It is such a game. I am so glad I am not playing that game anymore. What we need to do is exhert as much energy into quitting as we did playing the drinking game.
I bought a small colorful clay pot yesterday - written on it is "Count your Blessings" - for every day I don't drink I am going to put $ into it. I am also going to write my blessings when I think of them and add them to the pot. Whenever I get tired, or frustrated, I am going to pull them out and read them...one more way to keep me inspired on my quest for freedom from alcohol.
Have a great day everyone - and never quit quitting...the days will grow into weeks, the weeks into months, and before you know it, alcohol will be a thing of the past. Sylvane, you should take a picture of your face, so that when you get better and your mind starts to tell you it is o.k. to drink again, you can see what that could bring about.