How to stop drinking

[Billy]

My mind is spinning for some reason. Need to get out; that drink is looming large for me. I need to overcome this feeling. I'm out of work on a beautiful afternoon and...Need to refocus. Look at my list. Almost through day 3. Got to get my head straight!! This is the hardest time for me right now. This weekend is going to be a real test. I have to overcome this desire!

[Sally]

Billy - Day3 is the REALLY tough one, but if you can make it past today, it gets a bit better....hang in there...keep typing if you need to...we are all pulling for you. Go for a long walk and enjoy the day. Do some deep breathing exercises. Do you have some work around the house you have been meaning to do? accomplish something. Pour yourself a large glass of water with lemon. Go to the market and buy a steak and some lobster :] - make yourself a nice meal (this one is my all time favorite LOL) Think of where you want to be....don't glamorize the alcohol, remember how sh*tty you will feel tomorrow if you give in. Be strong - it's hard, real hard, but it will get better. Good luck - you can do it!!! Smile :]

[Sally]

oh...another favorite, if you have some money. Go to the store and treat yourself to something. Or hit the lumber store and start a project. Or just go walk the mall or downtown....And keep reminding yourself of why you are doing this, reflect back on all the negatives that led you to this point. :]

[Mel]

I second Sally's suggestion - get out to a place (store etc.) where there are other people and no alcohol, and then treat yourself to something you normally wouldn't indulge in (food or new project or whatever). I found that sharing my desire to get a drink in this forum - and not letting it build inside - has also helped. Also, think of an ugly memory from your drinking past - and match that against any romantic idea your alcoholic-mind throws at you; you know what the reality is or will be - you are better than that! Good luck!

[kjbp]

Hey Billy! How about this for a laugh? Remember the list of June holidays I posted for us to check off as sober this month? You're in luck...I just picked up wind of a new holiday... Today is National Doughnut Day - Seriously!!! I can't remember the last time I had a doughnut...now I'm wanting a cinnamon/sugar cake doughnut... so let's give each other a High-5 for a sober National Doughnut Day!

[kjbp]

Sally, thanks for the well wishes. Made it through the grocery with much focus, although I can tell I need to continue to make forward changes to my recovery plan as Patrick has said. Not sure what that is, if anything, but just something I reminded myself of while thinking today... My delightful thing(s) for today - I scored big on Charmin and I didn't let myself get annoyed in two rightfully, annoying situations

[Billy]

Sally & Mel - THANKS! Thought I was going to lose my mind there for about a good hour. Came close. Went to the store, bought some groceries for the weekend and have made other plans for the next few days to keep me busy. Now, I'm making a beautiful linguine and clam suace then going to bed. That desire finally ebbed like that wave. If it wasn't for this post and friends like you all, who knows where I'd be right now. Sally, I know it'll get better after day 3 - Thanks again. And Mel, I'm getting that Tag!

Kjbp -girl, I can't remember the last time I had a doughnut either. Lets both keep it like that (lol). Thanks for everything.

Day 4 tomorrow! Wish me luck!

[sarahmae]

Thank you for posting your stories everyone.

[Sally]

Good Morning everyone - hope your weekend goes well. Today will be one week for me :]

Welcome sarahmae - keep reading and start posting when you are ready:]

Billy - some thoughts for your time with your mom today. "Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die." I used to drink when I got p*ssed at my husband, I would say, "I'll fix his butt, I'll get drunk"....but who did that hurt? Me, not him. Drinking just because you and your mom have a fight is just another excuse to drink. Don't let your mom have that control over you. Be strong and don't let her get under your skin - just keep smiling/grinning at her. Make up a mantra to take with you today and everytime she starts to pull your strings, smile and say it. Good luck.

Sam - sorry you are not feeling well again, but you are right to look at it as a positive. When I reflect back on how much effort I put into my drinking, lieing, hiding it, justifying it, etc...I just don't see how I can't put as much time into not drinking. Hard work but worth it. The hardest part for me is when I get emotionally tired...then I just feel like giving up.."this is just too hard, blah, blah, blah" ..I have to pull out my "box of tools" and find one that gets me through. How many days do you have? Keep going :] and feel better!

Carol, kjbp, samantha, justin, mel, casey...everyone - Have a wonderful day and don't give in...change is hard (soooo hard)...breathe...smile...enjoy the clarity of the day.

[Sally]

Hey Sam - love your avatar!! too cute!

[Sally]

Sylvane and Billy - looked up Tag watches on the internet...Jeez Louis...you could finance a small house on the cost of those things....I always dreamed about getting a Rolex, but you have given me loftier ambitions...thank God I quit wearing a watch several years ago or my son would have to give up his dream of college LOL ...I think I will stick with my goal of buying a Lamborghini countach when I hit 60 LOL

[Billy]

Good AM everyone on this gorgeous sunny Saturday up here in New England! DAY 4!

I want to start out by talking to the over 11,500 viewers who visit this site. It is great that you are reading these postings and articles (welcome Sarahmae - please stay with us) and you must be here for a reason. I, along with the other members, found this site probably like you all did; by looking for a way to stop drinking! That is a great first step, but if you really want to get sober and stop drinking, you really need to take the next step and register to join our family here and get the most out of it. Set up another email account without your name just for this site if your worried about being anonymous. There are some wonderful, caring (i can go on and on) people who are or were in your situation, and many, including myself, are starting their way to a life of sobriety. So please, come on in!

Sally, Mel & Kjbp - THANKS again for helping me get through that horrible 3rd day. It's behind me now, and I just have to get through days 4 and 5 and I think I really am on my way.

Sylvane - Thanks! You'll be wearing that Tag really soon!

Sally - Great thoughts and that is exactly what I plan to do. If you had any idea of the amount of money I've spent drinking EVERY day for 30 years, I'd probably be able to pay off the National debt (lol), never mind buying a nice watch. I have a Daughter who is Senior in College (who will probably want to get her Masters) and a son who will be a Senior in High School, so I feel the pain.

Carol, Samantha, Sam, Casey, Patrick and everyone else, have a great day. Go out and enjoy it!

[Mel]

Happy Saturday everybody!

Hey, Sally - you and are on the same schedule (just about), I've got one week tomorrow. Sam, feel better. Having a cold in summer is the worst, but maybe it is the universe trying to 'help' you. Billy, good luck today. Sarahmae, welcome! I too started out by lurking and reading, definitely check out Patrick's articles on the mainpage if you haven't already.

So, I was ruminating a lot last night and I kept returning to the same thing - at the test yesterday, they asked if I had ever done hard drugs (nope) or smoked (never, they asked that at least 3 times). I kept waiting for what seemed like the natural third member - did I drink? They never asked, and I regret not making a point of reminding them of that fact (which I had plainly told the cardiologist, my gp, etc.). There seems to be a dangerous perception that a young(ish), put together, high-functioning woman cannot be an alcoholic or abuse alcohol. But I did/do, and many many of my friends do. One was forced into medical rehab while at grad school. The 39 year old sister of a friend died from complications related to her drinking/bulimia (esophogeal varices, a horrible horrible way to die). I have no doubt that many of these women (whom I love and respect to pieces) will die early or lose everything because of the abuse. We are academics, and there seems to be this idea that creative types like us get a pass to drink our way to creativity. I used to believe that wholeheartedly. I spent a year on a dissertation fellowship drunk off my keester telling myself that the alcohol loosened me up . . . I did not finish that year. I mean, I had to tell friends and family members that I was not going to walk at graduation - that sort of 'didn't finish'. Amazingly, I did finally finish it while trying to get sober (the first time), while not drunk.

As Patrick says, part of a successful recovery process is getting a community (you guys!) and also sharing recovery. One area that I would like to work on as I get myself better is trying to change perceptions about who abuses alcohol. There is a generation of smart, savvy (oh so savvy) women that has no idea the damage they are doing to themselves, and the impression they have about recovery is that it is for die-hard drunks, older and more desperate men, sappy/religiously focused. I'm going to keep thinking about this and ways I can contribute in a positive way to change this.

[Samantha]

Hi Mel, I relate to alot of what you are saying and i'm so glad your here. I remember reading a stat that shocked me but cant remember the exact percent. It said a high cause of death for women as they got older was death by suicide from alcoholism. That a woman was depressed and using alcohol to basically kill herself. I would fit that pattern as I would feel hopeless and use alcohol to numb things. I didnt realize alcohol actually made me more depressed and made things seem worse then they were. And Sally I drank over frustration or anger with my husband or situation. Besides the sick and tired of being sick and tired, I quit because I didnt want to drink over anger at other people or situations too. I was your right punishing myself not making things better.

Sally my husband yesterday said I am so much better and calmer not drinking. But hes not 100% I'm not drinking because I am no longer contributing to my blessing pot and not only that, there is no money in it. Sigh. I said needed the money but maybe I can put coins instead. On the otherhand as everyone has said there was always money for alcohol.

Sarahmae welcome.

Billy I'm in New England too and its beautiful out your right. I had a long work week and I'm really tired but the good news is its tired from working not drinking.

Carol day 28? !! Sally congrats on a week, Billy day 4, Sam, Casey, Kjbp, Sylvane everyone happy sober Saturday. Life is good if you dont drink.




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[Samantha]

Hi Jullet! Welcome. I had that too, 3 or 4 days then back to drinking. I know if you put your mind to it and ignore the drunk that romances alcohol you will be ok. I never drank normal. Always gulped or chugged as much as i could and didnt stop till I passed out. Being sober life is much calmer and better for me. Its not perfect but thats fine. Its just better not being a slave to alcohol. Keep posting we are all here for you.

[Patrick Meninga]

Welcome aboard, Juliet. I am gonna write an article in the next couple of days that addresses your problem specifically. Hopefully it will help.

For now, I just wrote an article about why you need recovery, and how you can fit in to a life without alcohol. I urge you to check it out.

Take care everyone.

[Billy]

Welcome Julliet - You gave me the chills reading that, I won't let you down! I have not, nor will I drink!! So stay with all of us and we will help!!

Mel, let that be part of your recovery by some how helping that niche of people see where they are heading. Let that be your mission and part of your recovery!

[carol]

Oh, wow, you guys, what a wonderful set of posts today! I am just blown away by the positive energy and spirit!

Today is day 28 for me. When I started down this path this time I didn't think I would make it this far, and I wasn't willing to make a 30 day commitment, but I was willing to "just do it" each day (i.e., not drink). As I saw day 30 far out but on the horizon a bit ago, I thought maybe I would try Patricks "give up candy for Lent then gorge the day after & find out it wasn't all that great afterall" approach. So I looked at the calendar and found that day 37 was on the one day a month that my husband has a dinner meeting. And I thought, OK on that day I will go ahead & drink again. I had it all planned out: I would go to my favorite bar and have 2 wonderful pomegranate martinis (would like 3 but that would put me at risk for a DUI), then go home and have a bottle of wine which I would either purchase just before or just after going to the bar. Since I had been doing well at not drinking, I would only buy 1 bottle instead of 2, but I know that wouldn't be enough but I still have a secret stash of vodka so I would have a final stiff vodka on the rocks and that would be enough. And I thought ARE YOU KIDDING? Carol, you would go back to hiding this from your husband and not even pretend to try to have "just one" but just get sh**-faced?? Why? You have done this so many times before. WHY would you do it again? And so I won't.

I woke up the other day and realized I was afraid. As I questioned myself what I was afraid of, I realized that I was afraid to make a commitment to not drinking because I was afraid I would fail again. As I type this it almost makes me want to cry

I talked to my husband the other day about not drinking. He knows I haven't been drinking, and he knows about this blog, but by mutual agreement we haven't been talking about it because of previous failures. So it was a big deal for me to talk to him. He is very supportive but we both know that this is something I have to do for myself.

Thank you so much to everyone here for helping me on this journey!! Sorry this is so long.

Sally, I love your resentment quote! I was surprised to find that being tired is one of my triggers also. Since that's pretty much unavoidable I'm having to change my response instead of just drinking to power me through the tiredness. I know you can do it!

Sam, sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well, but it's kind of a blessing in disguise, eh? I have found a couple of times in the last month that it felt like the universe was conspiring to help me not drink, and this may be something similar for you - your body telling you that it wants the rest from alcohol even if it has to make you sick to get your attention.

Samantha, Sylvane and kbjp, thank you for your continuing support and congratulations on your sobriety!!

Billy, you are such an inspiration. You have really taken the bull by the horns and made the commitment I have been loath to make. Good for you!

And Mel, your steadfast commitment is also amazing, plus the weight you lost and have kept off. I know what you mean about doctors not asking or not following up. Usually I just lied about the amount of drinking but I remember once I wrote down 3 drinks a day, also a lie but closer to the truth, and I didn't get any questions at all about it.

saramae & Julliet, welcome! Justin, glad to hear from you; keep in touch, will you? Shelley & Mary & Jenhan75, I'd love to hear how you are doing. And hello to all our friends.

Again, sorry this is so long, but thank you so much to Patrick and to all of you for the love and support!!!

[Unregistered]

If you can stop drinking for 5,6 or 7 days that means one thing You want to stop drinking, that is the first hurdle !
That is fantastic ! you are now in the Contemplation stage of change. don,t understand that? look it up. http://www.addictioninfo.org/article...del/Page1.html
Keep moving forward by attending a few AA meetings, reading lots of AA literature. Maybe attend a Smart Recovery meeting or two if you can find one in your area. http://www.smartrecovery.org/
Recovery is there for those who want it. Don't cut yourself short, you got what it takes.

[Sally]

Now that's what I'm talking about....lot's of postings to read Welcome Julliet - I too have been there - 2 days max, then back at it again. It takes time to get it right. Just keep coming back....and never give up....you'll get it right and we'll all be here helping you - and each other. Billy - how was your mom's? LOL Carol - I LOVE you posts - and congrats on 28 - you are my hero!!! I too was contemplating "just 30", but then I started thinking like you and said the same thing...what the H*LL... smile, the day's almost over and we have another one under our belts - YEAH FOR US!!!