Starting my 4th week sober and feeling good. Reading posts daily and all are such a big help in explaining why we feel the way we do and the power alcohol has over us. I still do not feel myself yet.Not sure what that is. Dealing with elation then somedays flat.I've noticed I'm guarded with the people I used to drink with especially my husband.It was a bond we shared with eachother and that is not there anymore.So it has created this space between us that I'm not sure what to fill with.... I'm dealing with emotions toward him that are not comfortable and worried how I create a life without alcohol when he seems to be increasing his.It is a concern.
Besides that i love the way I feel. I'm motivated and have a much greater interest in life.My health is better I've begun to read more finally able to concentrate.I'm figuring out how to be closer to my children without the influence of alcohol,it's different.Because the relationship was not necessarily while I was drinking but the next day being tired or irritable,not able to drive somewhere at night for them because I had a drink. All that has changes we can stay out all night if we want!Thanks for everyone's help in this forum. Best wishes.
Hi Ryan, Hang in there Im still around reading. Not doing as well As I would like to be. I was on a pretty good roll for a while then like you said started letting myself with too much down time. Got bored and lazy and started old habits. Not good. Today is "One" again and im not feeling good about not feeling good. Kimber, Carlol and Ruth, Always very inspirational. I wont stop. But its not easy, when I get down I go back into this circle/maze of hell and sometimes I cant get out for a while. I wont quit quitting!!!
Hello everyone, still here reading all of your wonderful posts. it's strange I am a very outgoing person and can and do talk to everyone however I am not good with putting a lot of my feelings out there, when I first joined I did however I find talking about drinking emotionally upsets me, I don't count days because I can't / never drink again. Over the years I have tried so many times to stop. I credit joining this forum for finally making it happen. I sometimes feel sad that I don't contribute more. Kimber congrat to 60 days, when I first found this site I read from the beginning on and your story really touch me, how you put everything out there made it more real for me. Thank you, you have come so far, also I noticed on your last post you didn't say once you were lonely on the weekend by yourself, to me that is huge in getting more comfortable on your on. Ww42 you are doing great , it will get better, welcome janny and Ryan. Everyone have a great day.
Couldn't have said it better Sue!!
Originally Posted by Midwest Sue
Kimber, I am so HAPPY for you and ALWAYS remember this thought you said:
"It brings me great joy now when my father tells me how proud he is of me and how good I look or when my son hugs me and says mom, I'm so proud of you and love you more than you will ever know. I don't want to give these things up......I don't ever want to drink again."
Soon to be ex husband......
Had a real hard day yesterday. I am coming to grips with the fact that I am going to go through a second divorce. Alcohol is such a destroyer. My husband (like Janny's) has gotten progressively worse with his drinking. Fortunately we separated some months back so I don't have to deal with it daily, but yesterday he came by to take the dog for a week, and he reeked of booze and had been with another woman the night before. He asked me if I was seeing anybody. Really? I said no, I am still married.
Anyway, the good news is I went to a meeting the minute he left, and after that called my sponsor. She talked me through it and I didn't drink. Thank God! It would have only made things worse, and I feel pretty good today. Thanks for listening.
Just wanted to say hang in there Serenty! Great job on taking care of yourself and finding ways to get your needs met without alcohol!!! I was just checking the forum before heading off to read and wanted to send ya some support. Wishing you a peaceful night.
Just wanted to say - Have an awesome day and a wonderful week. Life is good...look for the positive in all you do and encounter this week. And don't forget to tell yourself how amazing you are and that you deserve everything you want in life - go get it!!!
"When people undermine your dreams, predict your doom or criticize you, remember they are telling you their story, not yours."
I am having a really hard time with drinking right now. I just can't seem to find any traction for quitting. I've been around long enough to know what to do, but I just can't seem to make the decision to actually do those things. It's like alcohol has disabled my ability to make good decisions for myself. And now I am so tired. I can't remember the last time I was able to sleep through the night. My drinking has seriously disrupted my ability to sleep through the night. I wake up around 2 or 3am with a mild hang over, feeling fogged, pasty mouth, angry at myself and resigned to surf the internet until I can sleep again some hours later. I'm pretty miserable about it all, right now. Sorry, but no inspiring words. I'm not even sure why I am posting this except to force myself to do something to try and get better. Thanks.
Eric, Sometimes all it takes is one sober day to get the ball rolling. and the opposite to fall down. I have been on this train for a long time too. yesterday i was so lost all day hadnt had a good night sleep in days but finally got thru that one day walked for hours and stayed up until i passed out "sober" this morning things look so much better. I dont want off this ride too. keep doing everything you can to replace the habits. Hang in there.
Hang in there brother...try not to think about drinking or not drinking but instead think about all you should be grateful for then go and do something positive. There is an infinite list of possibilities!
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"
I can relate Bro! I, after about a week of being on my best behavior, also fell pretty hard. Back in the same vicious cycle that I just can't seem to break. This is exactly how I feel:
"I am having a really hard time with drinking right now. I just can't seem to find any traction for quitting. I've been around long enough to know what to do, but I just can't seem to make the decision to actually do those things. It's like alcohol has disabled my ability to make good decisions for myself. And now I am so tired. I can't remember the last time I was able to sleep through the night. My drinking has seriously disrupted my ability to sleep through the night."
The thing that eats me up is that I don't have any reasons, at least that I'm aware of, for why I drink the way I do. I'm not an at home drinker, but I go to the same local, neighborhood bar everyday! That's my hobby - pretty sad way to go through life. And I can't just stop after one...God forbid! It's like after that first drink I can't get enough. Oh well, sometimes I think I'm just cursed. Anyhoo...
I'm also very sorry for not bringing anything positive or encouraging to the table but I needed to get this off my chest!
Well Billy this is the massive change crux of the matter, eh? Jeff said it first but most if not all of us share the "one is too many, 100 is not enough" gene. Oh, I know it's not a gene but there is more and more research that is finding that folks like us do have some genes or whatever in common so alcohol affects us in this way.
So what, just another excuse to drink, "born this way"? I think it was Ruth who recently brought up free will.
Let's face it, you're not going to stop drinking if you go by the bar. Period, end of story, not gonna happen. And stopping by the bar is more than a habit, it's your social life and your friends and part of you. So. . .ya hafta break the pattern. It's already 1:15, you're already planning to stop there after work. Plan something different and tell us what it is - yep, keyboard therapy. What will you do different TODAY? And PLAN that every day at noon you'll take a moment and make a plan for what you'll do after work. High noon, shoot out at the OK corral between you and the alky voice/alky pattern.
What will you do today after work?
Eric, I like James advice, DO something! You've got those great kids and enjoy doing things with them. I'm thinking of other ideas; if any of them turn out I'll post again or PM you.
Hey y'all just don't drink today mo matter what! Don't worry about tomorrow, just don't drink today.
PS, Kimber, great idea! Billy, how about the library instead of the bar today?
thanks for all the kind words and support. Love the recent posts. I find that I have to PLAN something....some thingS, plural. If I don't, I'll drink. I'm sure of it. Why? Because of what John said, HABIT. Towards the end I did not even WANT to drink, I wasn't jonesing, was not stessed, was not anxious. Just found myself doing it out of habit and that actually scared me more than my black outs and trouble with the law. Whatever it takes I guess. I have painted my bedroom (almost finished), cleaned the carpets, gone to meetings, gone to meals with friends, all kinds of new plans after work to keep myself busy and sober. Oh, yeah, I made a date with the laundromat and washed all of the big bulky bedding the other night. Felt pretty good actually. I just try to remember how great it feels to wake up sober and that helps a lot.....that and praying of course.
Kimber, what a great idea. PLAN: go to library and get "Drinking, a love story" Will do after work tonight. Thanks for that idea.
Thanks everyone for your kind responses. So far, today is going pretty well. I got a long walk in this morning. I ate healthy at lunch. And I spent the day doing chores so I at least don't have those to hide from. I have read the book "drinking, a Love Story" and thought it was great. I also thought "Unwasted" was an excellent book as well - very inspiring. I think I will now go take a quick nap and then spend the evening with my kids.
Those who are struggling, hang in there. I don’t know too many people who have been able to make the commitment to stop drinking, and be 100% successful from their first attempt. I’m sure they are out there and kudos to them. However, if you’re still on this forum, there is hope. It means that you don’t want to quit trying. Just hang in there, don’t beat yourself up too much and honestly take some time to yourself and figure out what it’s going to take to be successful this time.
I have to remind myself of my commitment to not drink periodically during the day. I find myself thinking of upcoming dinner parties and social events and feel like they will no longer be fun without the ability to drink alcohol. But, then the wiser voice in my head speaks up and says of course it can. It really makes me sad to think that I link alcohol with happiness. For this and this reason alone I know I MUST no longer drink. Life was not designed to be managed through the use of alcohol.
Had many errands and appointments to run today which kept me busy with the girls. Super tired now and am going to be so excited when my headache goes away and my energy level returns. I know it will.
Here’s a little silly thought that I’ve been thinking about. I always enjoyed creating fun alcohol drinks when we had friends over. Never gave too much thought to the nondrinkers (hey there’s water that comes out of the facet for them). But I’m going to make sure to make a specialty nonalcoholic drinks for my guests, even if I’m the only one who drinks it. Not like the old punch in a bowl. I read about a restaurant that was making specialty nonalcoholic drinks to pair with their meals. This was just something that got me excited, so as silly as it may sound, it got me excited.
Well, good night to all. Taking a 30 minute nap, then heading to a block party. YEAH! - Not
Thanks ww43 and Kimber. Another sober night should be a good sleeping night also! John. I too am reading "The Power of Habit" great book!!!
Take care all
Well, home from the block party and just thought I’d share a quick story. Many of the neighborhood women were recruiting people to form a bunco group, book club, and wine club. The book club sounded fun, but so did the wine club. I know . . . not even an option. It would be pointless (my AV kept saying, well you could swish it around in your mouth and then spit it out – YEAH RIGHT!!!!). Anyways, I felt such a sense of loss knowing that I will never be able to join a wine club or go wine tasting with friends. Then, I was mad. Mad at myself for abusing alcohol and now never being able to drink again. It’s those little moments that get you to think, maybe? But then I allow myself to experience the feeling of loss. Who knows how long I’ll mourn not being able to drink. And how sad that I actually mourn over not being able to drink.
Hey Kimber, reading but can't make it through a week, so not posting! Kudos to you!!! You are an inspiration to me! I hope someday to be as strong as you!! XO Jill
Good Day Everyone!
I have a few minutes so I thought I'd check in and let everyone one I am doing great!
I feel your pain Eric and Billy.
I wanted to share a little of what finally made it click for me. It is the spiritual part of recovery. I don't think we talk enough about that. Sylvane hit on it yesterday. I have always believed in God because I was told to but I don't think I really believed for myself. But something has changed for me. God was just a thing but I now truly feel that there is a power higher than myself. This power is guiding me to do the right thing. I count on it everyday. I have so much gratitude. It is truly a mystery to me but I have surrendered to this power. I did it by getting on my knees and begging for help out loud. Ken was the one that explained how getting on your knees and surrendering was what changed for him and it is now what is working for me.
I am also meditating everyday for about fifteen minutes. I use the CDs by Deepak Chopra.
Kimber so great that you are reading. I too am not a great reader but it has been a positive change in my life.
The library also has lots of CDs you can check out! I am just finishing the cd "The Power of Habit". I don't think I could have read it on my own. It has a lot of dry statistics and is 10 1/2 hours on cd! But since I can listen to it in my car I have gotten a lot out of it.
Signing off for now. Please take time today to ask for help from your higher power!
Good Morning everyone:]
My two cents - Never quit quitting - whatever it takes!! I have been on this site since March 2011?? and have had my share of ups and downs. I know where you are at with trying to get motivated to quit again, been there done that - it is so hard and frustrating at times. But all in all I have refused to give up - I came here for a reason - I was tired of living the life I was living....and I will never forget that....when I fell, I tried not to make it a long term ordeal, picked myself up, dusted myself off, and climbed back on that bike.
Today I am in month 3 (again), but feel that this time may be it. I have learned alot in the past year and now realize that I can never drink again (DUH!!), which is fine by me considering how much of my life was wasted being a slave to alcohol. I am soooo much happier when I am not drinking - helllooooo!!! I do not miss it at all, though I do have moments when I am at a party and realize I can never taste that great Cabernet they are all drinking - such is life. No great loss. Move on.
I guess what I am saying is you came here for a reason, remind yourself of that daily and never give up. This does take time and it is a learning process. Don't beat yourself up. But the clarity of living sober, not being a slave to alcohol (planning, hiding, plotting to get that next drink), living each day with gratitude is well worth the journey. I am so happy now and love all that goes with being "present" - being able to look people in the eye, being there for my children when they really need me, etc...I refuse to go back into that alcoholic hole I was in.
You can do this....keep peddling. It IS hard...but all good things in life come at a price. Thinking of all of you, keeping you in my pocket. Have a sober day!!