How to stop drinking

[liberte]

Day 21 done. That's 3 weeks. check.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Haven't had access to a computer for a while. I have been having a good read up. Morgan, don't leave. Living sober sucks girl. I have found that when it is nice a warm, the urge to sit on my deck with a bottle of wine is sooo over powerful. My husband buys the stuff but and the end of the day, he doesn't force the wine down my neck! we all have to be responsible for our own actions.
I'm meeting a friend for lunch today. She is a heavy drinker. We are meeting in a local pub. I could walk there but I'm taking my car. I think she is bringing a friend along who I have never met. They and sit there and get pissed up but not me. I have some driving to do later and I owe it to my daughters....and of course to myself.
I'm using the HALT theory and reading the Mark Tuschel books.
Take care everyone
Toodle pip

[Beth]

Wow Kimber, you were up early! I read your post before my walk. Congrats on another day sober! Keep it up..... Feels sooo much better mentally and physically, remember that! Please read the book Drinking: A Love Story. Even if you have already read it, please read it again. She talks extensively about a bad relationship she was in...all the reasons why she stayed and left. As I read it, I think of you (and me too). We both need to stop romanticizing what alcohol is....everything we think it is, it's not!
She also talks about something called geographics. An AA term used when we change locations, jobs, relationships, etc. Or go back to school to change our life. it's almost a safe haven for our overacting addiction....new life, new us.....
The book should be available at your library. That is where I picked it up.
If anything it gives you something to do as you are crying yourself to sleep
Ok, another bit of advice.....go to the site Meetup.com. You can find people of like interest in your area that you can meet up and do things with....stay away from the wine folks. It may be a way to find a friend....not a lover but a friend of the same sex. I hear in your post that you need a friend and because of this you fall into the same trap as I do and latch on to a man thinking that is fulfilling a need of validation.
When our minds are so foggy from alcohol we really can't think straight and it keeps up from the strength we have to live for ourselves and truly love ourselves.
Stay strong and keep reaching to grow. Patrick always talks about fear......I so identify with that word but everyday I do something to grow and the fear and anxiety slightly dissipates and it feels really good.

[Karen67]

Well it is now day 2 and I am having a lot of conflicting feelings. Now that I am over the feelings of shame, anxiety etc the day after drinking I find that I am already making excuses to keep going down the same path.

I live out in the middle of no where so there are no support groups or even people here that I could talk with. The nearest town has 500 people 3 liquor stores and a bar so that tells you the level of booze around here.

I don't drink everyday but I seem to be drinking more often now. And when I do drink, I drink till I can't drink anymore. I black out and become angry and violent. Doing this 4 to 5 times a week is killing me.

I am 45 and I had to quit work in order to move my 86 yr old mom in because she has dementia. In turn I am becoming very bitter. I never thought this would be my life. My husband works out in camp for 30 days and home for 5.

It truly has become overwhelming.

Its Day 2 and I Will Not Drink!

[Molly]

Kimber, you may like Thomas Jefferson's "Dialogue Between My Head and My Heart": http://www.uncp.edu/home/berrys/pdfs...head_heart.pdf

[Molly]

Karen67: I can totally relate to you. I took care of my demented mother for 5 years before her death. Although I had supportive siblings, it was so hard! I drank and drank and drank every night after I got her to bed. It nearly killed me - don't let this happen to you. Take advantage of MANY resources to help you. Start here: http://www.caregiver.org/jsp/content...jsp?nodeid=391

[Kip]

good day all.....

many amazing posts here as we see each other struggling. Morgan, i understand if you don't want to post but we will be thinking of you. Take care of yourself and know that we're all in this together.

tgif. a good thing, yet i find myself anxious.... this week was not good. met my son for dinner and that was ok until we drank. and then it wasn't. my dear wife was justifiably upset. i'm just not sure how to face a weekend with the idea of staying sober. i've done it before for some time, but now seem to lack the tools, will, etc..... to get there. this is a frustrating part of the journey. and it will soon be six months with you guys here on the forum... i really want to make the last half of 2012 better than the first. dealing with the weekdays, which i can do until there is a social event, and then dealing with the weekends. that's kind of biting it off in small chunks... i wanna be a non-drinker and string together more good than bad days.

Priscilla, reading your post i see you might be in a similar way with weekends... 2/3 sober is fantastic! any advice?

i hope we all have a peaceful and sober weekend...kip

[carol]

Kip,

I've been thinking of you with the weekend coming up. A few thoughts for you to consider, altho since we all seem to over think around here maybe don't think, just do!

First, don't have this be about not drinking on weekends in general, only THIS weekend, as in "I won't drink this weekend but I'm only committing to not drinking alcohol THIS weekend." You need cool, tasty, refreshing beverages around so you can always have a glass in your hand but not of alcohol. It's already gettin' close to drinkin' time on the East Coast so make sure you get stuff to drink ASAP so you don't just say **** it maybe next weekend. There's a thread around somewhere with suggestions on what to drink, so you might want to look at that but first make sure you're covered for tonight.

Next, plan a couple of activities you don't do when you're drinking. I'm losing track a little so can't remember if you drive fast cars or mountain bike or both but those come to mind.

If you have things you usually do on the weekend, don't do 'em! That's right, skip them. You want to get your brain all confused by the change in routine so it doesn't just stay on autopilot 'cause autopilot = "I drink on weekends". Some stuff you probably can't skip, but where you can try something different.

While you're trying something different, what about doing something nice for or with your wife? Not going out to dinner though, that's just another chance for a cocktail or nice glass of wine or whatever. Nope, something else? She's been there for you, try figuring out something nice to do for her.

Just one weekend off. Monday you can decide all over again. Just THIS weekend.

Check in and say hi, too. Good luck!!!

[Midwest Sue]

Carol, really good advice to Kip.

Every evening, I drink. I still haven't been able to break the habit. A glass is always nearby. But the difference is that now I'm drinking a variety of non-alcoholic beverages! I found one beverage that is a fantastic zero-calorie wine substitute. It's called Sparkling Ice and the flavor I love is Black Raspberry. I couldn't find that flavor in the local stores any more so I bought a case online! I sometimes put it in a wine glass, a cordial glass, a martini glass. This feels kind of silly but it works for me!

Whatever it takes. As Carol says, do things differently, distract yourself, focus on pleasing your wife. Just for this weekend, Kip. OK?

[Kip]

Carol, very kind and helpful words.. I really appreciate you taking the time to offer this insight. I ride road bikes and that is definitely a no-drink activity. Of late, I haven't been doing it... and just can't quite figure out why..it's not the normal or best me. that's what this beast of a disease does and we can see it right in front of us. I remember my wife and I going to St.John's in the Carribean for an eco trip a few years back and I was sober there for a week. I'm telling you, that is not an easy place to practice sobriety! So it's frustrating that the motivation to do so isn't there and the autopilot takes over. I need to be "awake at the wheel" as I've said before... for in that awareness lies a clarity that is far more rewarding than the blur of drinking. it's just crazy isn't it..... and you are right. My wife has been through so much. My sobriety would be the ultimate gift, but I admit I just need to be a kinder and more gentle person. Beverage wise, I just love sparkling water of any kind as it feels quite hydrating and settles my frequently messed up stomach. Gonna toss one down as soon as I get home.

John, thanks for the thoughts... I don't race anymore, used to do it but just enjoy the car on the road in our nearby mountains. Preferrably very sober as it is a demanding little beast. I was a test driver in my job (yep, it was that good!) for many years so I kind of got it out of my system, so to speak. That's cool about your wife's uncle. Formula V's are neat cars and you definitely can't carry on with much drinking, hangovers, etc...and strap yourself in a race car. My testing years kept me more sober than the last 6 years of desk work just because it sucks to thrash a car when you're feeling bad. Funny how simple things like that make a big difference.

Thanks my California friends...! You've given me something to think deeply about...Have a great weekend...kip

[Jill]

Kimber congrats on your mile stone. How old is your daughter? My daughter is 22 and lives in W.Va. I loves when I get to talk or spend time with her. I read your post & you are posting about my life. I to just moved in a new place June 1st. I have no friends yet and my male friend is out of town through the week. I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle him being home this weekend. He likes to drink his beer and I gave up drinking tuesday. He doesn't know I'm trying to make some changes. Loneliness is my greatest fear. I too wish I had a girlfriend to walk with, talk with or shop with. I just turned 46 a week ago and it's so much harder meeting friends now that my children are grown. I'm a friendly person but not sure where to go to meet people. I know I could meet people at a church but I've been down that road and let's just say....I'm not sure I want....hanging out with some church goers may drive me to drink. : )
Karen67 my thoughts & prayers are with you. I lost both of my parents last year 3 months apart. The last 3 months of my mother life I took care of her. I can't tell you the joy it brings to my soul "TODAY" to have been given the opportunity to give her such unconditional love. When things got tough for me I focused on the words Altruistic Love. You will be in my daily prayers.
Kip you sound fit. Plan a water rafting or canoe trip with your wife. Zip lining is always fun as well. Both activities are hard to hang on to a drink.
Well I wish everybody here at SR a healthy weekend! XO

[Mel]

Hi All, Day 2 (again, sigh). But the week on a whole was much much better than the last 3 months. I'm trying. Congrats to everyone who is hitting their milestones and staying strong, and good luck to all those (like me) still working on connecting the dots one day or weekend at a time. Carol, great advice and although it was directed at Kip ... I'm a-gonna piggyback on it and commit to making it through this one weekend sober. And then one week. And then one month.

[liberte]

Day 22 done. check. The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ― Albert Einstein

[wlinser]

Day 2 - check. Now it's the weekend and working on day three!

[liberte]

Day 23 done. check.

[carol]

Just watching a TV news story and felt compelled to post even though I'm exhausted after an all day volunteer event. News story is a good Samaritan who kept a drunk driver from leaving the scene after she had run over and killed a girl. Oh, guys, I drove drunk so many times. Luckily never an accident or even a DUI, but that could have been me! I could have killed someone. I am so grateful. I am so glad I don't drink anymore.

John, glad you picked the fruit punch and had a good time. liberte, I love your posts, congrats on another day on the sober train! Kimber, it's great to see you growing and accepting yourself, including the discomfort which comes along with growth. I'm more of a one on one person too. Mel, piggyback away!

'Night all. Just don't drink, OK? Please don't be that drunk driver on the news!

[Midwest Sue]

Kimber,
Your recent posts warm my heart. I see you becoming a happy, balanced person. Quite a transformation and it all began with and continues with "I won't drink today".

Thank you for sharing your amazing journey and keep cuddling that sweet daughter of yours. Boyfriends are overrated anyway and best to avoid while you discover the awesome, capable woman you are!

Sue

[Kip]

Morning all.. (and evening, afternoon around the planet).... Noel, good thought. BMW is actually in my neighborhood, so to speak, and I actualy work out there for some events.. You're right - they absolutey don't mix w drinking. Gonna try that approach by jumping on my road bike and heading to the mountains.. This weekend hasn't been the success I had wanted and it reinforces the fact that this massive change has to be as massive or more than the inertia of the status quo. It sometimes feels like the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. Jeez..I'm a nerd to mix physics w drinking but, hey, it seems to click on this quiet Sunday morning. At any rate, I disappoint myself and my supporters here (Carol, please forgive me) when I can't transfer your energy, encouragement, and progress into my own results. The "good" news is I was probably the only drinker at our party last nite who came home and put big-ass X on the calendar. Awareness has to be there. Just gotta convert it to action....

Kimber, your posts are inspiring and express your journey in a really touching way.. Keep it up and good luck.. We're all tuned in here...

Happy Sunday...

[wlinser]

Day three is in the books. Had the best weekend day yesterday that I've had in ages. Got a lot accomplished and felt good about myself. Now day four has begun . . . one day at a time.

[Beth]

Evening all! Wlinser, feels sooo good when you see the benefits of not drinking! Good for you!
So today was the last day of our 7 day challenge Noel. No alarm today, I slept in till I woke up on my own ...7:30!
I enjoyed being on the sober train and the fitness train with you...so did my dog.
I will probably try to keep up the morning walks. I don't mind getting up early and being so tired at night was truly a blessing. Too tired to think about drinking.
John, props to you!