How to stop drinking

[Kip]

Happy Friday everyone.... Kevin2, your comments are spot on.. It really is a skill that we develop if we give it a chance.. Like Beth when her car wouldn't turn. That's what I call awake at the wheel! I intend to draw on this idea for strength this weekend because I really don't want to drink. If only I can convert that to willfully not drinking... Therein lies the skill. I recall earlier this year after 23 days when I put that wine glass in front of me. It felt like the first (and only!) time I bungy jumped. A sharp moment in time when we make that choice. How do I smooth it out so it doesn't seem so sharp and it's possible to manage the decision....

JacquieC, welcome back.. Awesome 152 days!! The fact you are loving it is most inspiring..

Priscilla, hang in there..we all know the feeling.. And to moderate and not do anything crazy is in fact progress. Just thinking of how bad it was in the past...As Robin Williams says we violate our standards faster than we can lower them.

I hope you all have a peaceful weekend...

[kevin2]

Happy Friday everyone.... Kevin2, your comments are spot on.. It really is a skill that we develop if we give it a chance.. Like Beth when her car wouldn't turn. That's what I call awake at the wheel! I intend to draw on this idea for strength this weekend because I really don't want to drink. If only I can convert that to willfully not drinking... Therein lies the skill. I recall earlier this year after 23 days when I put that wine glass in front of me. It felt like the first (and only!) time I bungy jumped. A sharp moment in time when we make that choice. How do I smooth it out so it doesn't seem so sharp and it's possible to manage the decision....

JacquieC, welcome back.. Awesome 152 days!! The fact you are loving it is most inspiring..

Priscilla, hang in there..we all know the feeling.. And to moderate and not do anything crazy is in fact progress. Just thinking of how bad it was in the past...As Robin Williams says we violate our standards faster than we can lower them.

I hope you all have a peaceful weekend...

Great to see you JacquieC,..152 days!! Amazing,....but I must say, while I'm doing well at day 26,...I should be right with you at 151 days if I remember correctly,...your big day 1 was right there with (one of) mine.

Kip,..glad my post spoke to how you are feeling. I've read enough of your posts now to know you and I are pretty similar guys, with what seem to be pretty similar drinking patterns,..or at least our past ones probably were. Look at it like this going into this weekend,...If you had a long bike race though the Smokey Mts coming up in 4 months,..but you hadn't been riding much over the last year,..and definitly weren't in shape for it. Would you train by reading books and articles on biking and training,..or watch biking videos? Would you ride around the block a couple of times,..then put the bike up and take a nap? NO,..you would start riding,...day after day, going a little farther each day,..until after a few months you are ready to rock and roll,...short rides now seem easy,...hills that once seemed grueling are now nothing to you.... You get my point.

Try something completely different this weekend Kip. Whatever your normal weekend routine is,...go in the opposite direction. Try keeping yourself in situations where alcohol and drinking just do not fit. For me it's been coaching my 9 yr old son's LL baseball team,..and one of my daughter's soccer teams (both things I could NOT and would NOT have done a year ago). It keeps me busy doing something positive,..the time flies by,..and drinking definitly wouldn't be a plus. It's also damn nice to feel good about yourself at the end of the day and the early mornings,..rather than the nasty alternative. Makes Monday morning a hell of alot nicer too! I don't know all about your situation,..but figure out what the postive things are for you and spend your time there. Give a try,..you can do it! Serious biking in the mountains hurts me to think about,...so if you can do that, you have the internal drive to do anything.

[Ken1]

I have been thinking a lot about everyone that is relapsing and struggling, and that still describes me on occasion. If I remember when I am tempted to think back to what made me want to quit in the first place, my nitty-gritty reasons for finally making the decision that enough was enough and to stop drinking it stops my cravings every time. If I really drill down to the breaking point it had to be that I was sick of settling for a life of mediocrity. I was still a "high functioning alcoholic", but I was definitely not living up to my potential. Like a thief in the night alcohol had crept in and become an uninvited guest in my home and eventually my master. My life revolved around drinking and I scheduled things accordingly. I had let myself get out of shape, became almost a hermit, and an observer of life rather than a participant. I finally just got mad enough to say no more! There is so much more to life, plus I have an expiration date. I had always been intensely goal driven and held myself to high standards, but alcohol and my AV slowly chipped away at that until I was just going through the motions. Now, however, a life free from alcohol has allowed me to once again get back into the race and start chasing my dreams again.

My point is for anyone struggling, make a list of your own nitty-gritty reasons to stop drinking. It could be about your health, your career, your finances, your family, your dreams or a combination of things. Try to think back to when you were drinking and be honest with yourself, was that really a happy time in your life when you had to fight with yourself to keep your car from turning into the liquor store (thanks Beth)? It wasn't for me. As Patrick said, it had stopped being fun a long time ago. A great quote over in the "Quotes ans Affirmations" thread from Heather King's book Parched posted by ww43 says it perfectly:

"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years.”

Thanks for listening and I hope you are all having a great Friday!

[bdog]

Very nice Ken1. Thank you!

[tinabela]

Well, I was doing super well, would have made the two week mark and Wednesday came and I made the slip. I'm aware of how it happened, precisely. On Tuesday, I knew I would be home alone on Wednesday - a long, full day alone. I thought about how I 'could' drink and let that idea go pretty fast. Upon waking Wednesday morning my mood was flat. I couldn't shake it. In retrospect I should have meditated and planned a day of nothing, but I said 'screw it' and off I went to the store. I was stimulated, got a ton of stuff accomplished but didn't know when to stop drinking. My partner got home around 9pm and I don't even remember much after that. He had no clue. Yesterday I woke up, hungover and went to my best friend's women's party. Ugh! I ended up having a really good time, but there were a couple of non-present moments during conversation. None of these people had a clue. There were a few bottles of wine but zero overindulgence. I was totally fine with that as I drank my cucumber, mint and lime water. This time I haven't swept the slip under the carpet. I'm on day two again, not beating myself up, but acknowledging my behavior face on. Repeating the 'dual life' (lies) had me wondering if anyone might question my private life. Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a banner on my forehead that says 'drunk' and everyone knows. This quote, I think from Wayne Dyer, speaks to me "It's none of my business what people think of me." I like that a lot.
New day and I'm sober.
Thoughts to you all!

[Midwest Sue]

Hey everyone,
It's the weekend again. I think it's a good time to read and think about this:
http://zenhabits.net/one-skill/

Learning to be happy with yourself:
Discuss!

Sue

[liberte]

Day 8 done....great posts...thank you.

[liberte]

Day 9 done. Check.
“A year from now you will wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb

[Eric]

liberte, Excellent job and congratulations. The first days are the hardest (for me) because they always seemed so impossible and my alcoholic mind was screaming and whispering to just give in and have a drink. Today, I made a major recommittment and am going through all of Patrick's core articles. I will read them and do what they say and then read them again. I love to procrastinate in recovery by reading another book, watching another recovery movie (is watching 28 Days really going to get me sober?), or attending another meeting. I have decided to stop attending AA because I found that instead of trying to live sober or not, I was fighting with whether to believe the AA program. AA meetings became a trigger for me. That's just me and if they work for you, that is excellent. Like Ken mentioned earlier, I made the decision to quit because I became tired and very angry about living half a life. My mental and physical health were poor and I could do nothing I wanted to do. My motto was "tomorrow". Everyting was always tomorrow: quit drinking, quit smoking, start exercising, start dieting, start writing, start being a good father and husband - always, always tomorrow. I am looking forward to a renewed committment today and DOING what Patrick points out in his articles.

[tinabela]

Done with day 3! Haven't even thought about drinking since Thursday morning. Wahoo! Great posts from you all - they have really helped!

[nomoredayones]

I have not posted in awhile. I have been drinking and pretty much "gave up" on myself. Today is day one. I don't want this alcoholic life. I feel shaky, depressed and like a failure. The urges to drink are SO strong. I know I need to be stronger than the urges but I am afraid. I hope I can do this....

[liberte]

Day 10 done. check.

[Eric]

I spent a lot of time this weekend rereading the main articles from Patrick (Alternative Recovery Program). I am always amazed at the depth of his knowledge and the honesty with which he writes. The key is really surrender to the disease and to be absolutely willing to do anything to change your life. There is no mystery to recovery; no mystical intervention. It is all about a commitment to not drink, to adopt a zero tolerance policy, and to take action to grow your life. That's all stated in the articles; those aren't my ideas. I will follow those ideas for today.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
I haven't been able to post last week as the kids were off school and I don't have my own personal computer. They went back to school today so I'm back on line.
As I have said before, my eldest daughter is 16 soon as I'm terrible for saying this but I am counting the day she leaves home. She treats me and her younger sister like absolute shit. My husband is hardly ever at home and I feel so lonely. Yesterday I spent doing the mindless chores and cried all day long. I picked up the drink.
Morgan............I will be your day one with you. Shall be count the sober days ahead together???
I've chucked all the remaining booze away and off to work in a couple of hours. I'm dreading sleeping tonight as I know I'll have the sweats and nightmares but I will white knuckle it. I've done it before and I can do it again.
I read that book 'mommy doesn't drink here anymore' and it was exactly right but AA was pushed too far for me. I'm waiting still for 'living sober sucks' book. I reckon that will be far more up my street.
Morgan...are you with me???
I will not drink today.
Love to you all

[nomoredayones]

Thank you so much for responding Alison. I am definitely with you! Today is day 2 for me.

[bdog]

Hi All, Almost a week for me and a sober Monday at work. What a great feeling!! I wish I could put this in a bottle and drink it!!!.

Morgan and AlisonUK I have been there so many times in the last several months keep picking yourselfs up thats all we can do.

[kevin2]

Hi All, Almost a week for me and a sober Monday at work. What a great feeling!! I wish I could put this in a bottle and drink it!!!.

Morgan and AlisonUK I have been there so many times in the last several months keep picking yourselfs up thats all we can do.

bdog,..I'm with you man, one of the best things about not drinking is how different Monday mornings are now,..it's awesome. It's a rainy morning here,..with a busy day ahead. A year ago I would've been in absolute hangover-hell right now,..just praying to make it through the day,..until 5:00 when I could start the miserable cycle over again. It's honestly not to be taken lightly,..and it's things like that which completly make this worth the effort,..so take note of your post for future reference.
I'm on big day 30 today! I've allowed myself to slip around this point the last 3 times, so I need to watch what I'm doing this week and coming weekend.

Great to see you back Alison,..your raw honesty always makes me smile,..and nomoredayones it's about time you came back. You and Alison will make a fine duo,...I EXPECT to see alot of both of you this week!

[Midwest Sue]

Good to see you here, Alison! Keep it going, Kevin! Make it to 60 days this time!

I'm working on new coping skills, and it's tough. Here's a big thing I'm learning: it's okay to NOT RESPOND to stressful situations. You don't have to argue back with someone who wants to fight. You don't have to drop what you're doing because someone else has an emergency. You don't have to reach for a drink because you're in a low mood.

There's a story about a Zen master who responds to terrible accusations with this question: "Is that so?"
(http://everydaybuddhism.blogspot.com...s-that-so.html)

I'm trying hard to take this approach to the crap that comes my way. And we ALL have crap of various types being tossed our way.

I've mentioned before that in my drinking days I had a tendency to either over-react or under-react. I'm trying now to just be thoughtful when faced with things that rock my bliss.

Today I'm still trying to make a thoughtful decision about how to respond to a "blast from the past" pile of crap that my husband slung at me yesterday. I know how I would have responded 6 months ago.

Now I pause and consider what he said and why he said it and I say to myself, "Is that so?"

[liberte]

Day 11 done. check.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Morgan, still on the wagon mate?
I slept OK last night and I put that down to lovely fresh clean sheets. I did however had a real sweat out this morning before the dog run but I reckon that's the poison making it's last exit from the skin! There was a load of booze by my front door which I asked my husband to put in his car as he was on a night shift. He forgot to take it and I didn't touch it!
We are having terrible flooding here in the UK as we have had one month's rainfall in 48 hours!!! And there is more to come. As long as I 'stay away from the Chardonay' I'll be coo. Rain and hangover's don't mix that's for sure. I remember reading another great quote from the forum..'don't look at the staircase, just the step'. I love that.
Stay clean and serene
Toodle pip