I've noticed that the people on this forum are from all over the country, and beyond, have all kinds of different interests and insights, we're all unique. But our experiences with alcohol are so similar. It washes all the individualty right out of us. It didn't make me more myself, that was a lie. It made me who it wanted me to be. Less of who I was meant to me, not more. Drunks are all so alike that an actor can be told to portray one and we immediatly recognize his role, as the drunk. I've been drinking so long now, since I was a teenager, that I've worried I couldn't be me without it. Thats just not true. It would make us all the same if we let it. We should be ourselves, and if someone doesn't like us for that, then we probably weren't meant to associate with them in the first place.
Freedom Day: 12/25/11
CeeCee, lots of wisdom in your posts. Yes, you can become the unique person you were meant to be. You are years and years ahead of me in figuring this out. Your awesome sober life is ahead of you!
ww43, I'm happy to see you're still with us, and day 10 is fantastic! My goal was also the "60, 90" day club and it really did motivate me! You will make it there, and the road will be so much smoother by then.
Hi all! Day 12 or 13, I've lost count. So far so good! It does cross my mind daily, but it has been getting easier. This evening I hooked up with a couple of friends, one asked if I wanted to go out for a beer. I told him no, then he asked me to go out with him while he had a drink. I told him no. There was a lot of humor involved and he didn't pursue. We ended up at the organic market and had a bite to eat, he had his beer and it wasn't even noticed during the sitcom visit we all had. Cool!
I did have a thought this morning about how I'm going to get my artistic creative juices flowing. I usually would get a buzz going to loosen up. That was a bit frightening, so I decided to put wondering about that away and cross that bridge when it comes.
Everyone keep on keeping on. We're all in this together!
Now off to get some R&R. Sleep well!
Tinabela - it's day 13 for you. I only know that because we started at the same time. However, you had the stronger willpower. Congrats to you!
Thank you CeeCee! That makes so much sense I love the drunk actor analogy; so true
Almost another day 1 over. God what a headache with depression. So not worth it.
Day 5 done. check. Hang in there bdog - one day at a time - keep climbing.
I'll be reading your posts and thinking about everyone but I'm not going to post until I can get more than 5 days under my belt this time. Not as my punishment, just because its getting ridiculous how many day ones I'm doing. My husband got blown in off the water again last night, and we had some drinks. I thought he understood what I'm going through, but he just isn't taking this serious. He can drink moderately and remain in control I'm at a stage in my recovery where I simply cannot be around it. I'm pretty scared that this may be my undoing, because I would never part from my husband. I adore him, its not an option. I didn't over do it last night, which is progress for me, but I don't want it in my system at all. I didn't enjoy it, would not have even considered purchasing it myself, but I've got to be even tougher than that. I have to be able to ignore it, in my own home, on a regular, yet somewhat unpredictable, basis. Is that even possible? I would value your advice, I will be reading. Good luck everyone.
Last edited by CeeCee; 06-06-2012 at 06:29 AM.
well made it thru that day. thanks Pricilla and Liberte. Anyone who drinks a lot of alcohol for days knows that taking a day starting ones means several nights of tossing and turning and for me three changes of clothing do to the heavy sweating. I started this trip at the end of last summer and hoped I would be thru this by now. For some I guess it takes several serious attempts. Cee Cee the home thing has got me in more trouble than going out because when I go out I know if have as much as I want I will end up in jail, dead or killing someone so I thought I would stay home this past year and have had more hangovers than ever giving myself permission to have as much as I want. Oh well, I lose some battles but I will win the war in time.
Freedom Day: 12/25/11
Since you asked for advice, here's mine.
I think you should show your latest post to your husband, or write a letter or email to him that says the same thing.
Tell him that sobriety is very important to you and you need his help. Ask him if he's willing to commit to at least 30 days of not drinking in your presence and not keeping any alcohol in the house. My guess is that he will support you in this way if you are very clear that you need this.
Best wishes to you!
day 3 here after an unsober weekend. there, that's as honest as i can be. just fine during the week but at this part of the journey the will to avoid it on the weekend is not there. i'm not beating up myself because that will only mess up the week. i think you friends well understand the situation.... but i love sober Mondays and getting back to the forum to ground myself.
CeeCee, your call on posting but, believe me, there are plenty of us who day one over and over.. it's the journey we are on... please stay with us...
bdog, you too... it is so frustrating to get a few days down and then bust. like you said, it's a war and losing a few battles is part of it.
makettle, your post about what people are thinking/saying grabbed my attention as it relates to recent experiences. i have tried all my life to tell myself i don't care what they think. finally, i may be arriving at that point.. why? well, with the exception of my wife who has been with me through all of this (ok, you guys and one friend, to be fair), what the rest think really doesn't matter. they haven't spent any real energy (other than box checking to feel less guilty) towards my sobriety so why the hell should what they think matter.... you can call it live and let live... i don't care what they think and i don't expect them to care what i think. heck, i've spent more time here talking to people i've never seen more than these faux-polite folks i used to call friends... it adds lightness to life.... granted, we do say some crazy things when drinking and sometimes it requires an apology or some consideration for having hurt those who don't deserve it. i'm thinking of the ones who are either ignoring our problem or talking behind our backs.
one of the defining moments in my life as i transitioned from my traditional roots (and all the baggage that goes with it...) is the notion that one should find one's own true way and challenge everything, and i do mean everything, until your own truth emerges. it has "cost" me friends and family but the reward of self-awareness is well worth it. not to mention it makes me laugh to think of the energy i expended to fake their imposed beliefs and care what they think. what a pile of you-know-what.! as i've said before, some may view this as "throwing out the baby with the bathwater". so be it... sometime the "baby" in this analogy is the thing we've been brainwashed to think is good and right when it may not be (for me). like CeeCee says, this drinking washes the individuality out of us.. sometimes it comes back like a tsunami...i think that's a good thing because ultimately we fight this battle alone in our minds.
Sue, awesome job on your wedding attendance. how the hell did you do that..? i imagine that's an achievement from which you can draw in the future to remind yourself of how strong you can be.
take care all.. .hope your week is going well... kip
Hope everyone is doing well,..haven't posted much in the last few days but on day 25 and going strong. I have really noticed lately going stretches of several hours at a time,..and a occasionally most of the day without out thinking of alcohol at all. Just something for those of you a little earlier on to look forward to.
Day 6 done. One foot in front of the other....
Kip on on that journey too a little farther north but hopefully we will end up on the same straight road. I drive a mazdaspeed so fun! Kevin2 25 days so great im going to follow your lead Its been over 3 months since I did close too 30. way past time. Liberte way to go almost a week. such a great feeling that is.
Kip, great on keeping to what you can and not letting it get you down. That beast would like the weekdays too, I am sure. No pressure here, do what's right for you and what you can. When/if you do try to tackle weekends again at some point, what has worked for you in the past for getting through them?
Liberte, I haven't been on lately. Glad to meet you. Congrats on 6 days.
Kevin, That's great on on 25 days. It's awesome that your getting back to "life" again, without thoughts of alcohol dominating your thoughts.
Everyone else, Hello. Glad your hear whether it's just reading along or posting in.
Went to my first f2f AA meeting today. Not that I want to use that necessarily, but want to make sure to cover all options. Mainly I have been using this forum and online meetings (SMART, LifeRing) as part of my recovery.
I was apprehensive of AA because of my beliefs, that I would be too defensive or people there would be to antagonistic and I wouldn't get anything out of it or that it would be a negative experience. I didn't want to leave any stone upturned though, so forced myself to go and "just get it out of the way".
I know that path is not for everyone and the steps/religious aspect is not for me. I was glad I went though. They had a guest speaker who was very dynamic and the people there were very nice to me.
Take care everyone, Stay strong,
Hi all you lovely people, right with you Liberta. Let's keep it up!
Kevin, you are doing awesome my friend and spot on with not thinking/ obsessing about alcohol.
It struck me yesterday as I passed one of my favorite stop offs. My AV said " Let's stop. You have nothing going on and could nurse a hangover if you needed to". But the strangest thing happened.... My car wouldn't turn in. Really. It was an interesting feeling that I didn't want to stop when for so long it took everything I had not to let my car turn in.
So waking up this morning I feel that voice is losing it's strength! Yippee, makes me smile.
My goal is a sober summer. Enjoying all of what that means.
Good day all, Love and Peace.
You're right on Beth, and great job! This is a subject that I think deserves alot more discussion,..and I know Ken has done a good job of it in the past. One of, if not the hardest thing to deal with early on in this battle is dealing with that constant, nagging voice in your head that is constantly rationalizing why it's okay to drink,..and having that never-ending internal debate of whether or not to give in and have that first one,..and just end all of the anxiety for another day. It's that perverbial "monkey on your back". It's maddening and was always bigger than any particular "trigger" for me,..just finally getting tired of fighting the internal war and giving in. I have always been notorious for getting something in my head and not being able to get it out until I acted on it.
Originally Posted by Beth
As I (or any of us) get farther away from day 1,..and get some time under our belts, we gain confidence and strength in dealing with the nagging debate,..it slowly fades, loses it's power...as we develop the skill (and that's what it is) to shut it down when it starts and move in with something positive to fill our time and more importantly our thoughts. You learn not to even give it credance when it starts,..not to even take it seriously as a consideration,..and it shuts down. All of us here are OCD by nature,..meaning we all crave and create things to obsess about,..and they can be positve things or they can be negative things,..but we WILL choose one or the other. I'm at almost 6 months now of 99% sobriety,..meaning 6 or 7 slips (each 1 time only) and the biggest thing for me has been developing the mental strength to shut down the debate and move on, whereas I used to always give in without even a fight. I think we all wonder how we know if we are making progress,.and I think that is it. When we begin to notice that it's not dominating our thoughts anymore and then begin to notice things like I did last night..."wow, it's 9:45 pm and drinking never even crossed my mind today". That's when you start to feel that true freedom that's down the road.
I hope that makes sense to you guys,..it's a tough subject to put into words,..and it follows alot of the same course as the process of "getting over" an ended relationship or even the process of grieving the loss of a loved one. It just takes time,..BUT you have to give yourself that time (sober in our case) in order to move on with a postive life. I hope everyone is having a great day!!
Last edited by kevin2; 06-07-2012 at 10:07 AM.
Freedom Day: 12/25/11
You expressed my thoughts EXACTLY!
Beth, I'm so happy for you that your car would NOT turn into the watering hole! It's a milestone, and not to be taken lightly.
As Kevin says, with time we can shut down our obsessive thoughts about drinking and shift them to productive thoughts and activities. This week I'm obsessed with biking to work every single day, whether I feel like it or not. I'm also thinking of the next thing on my "list" that I want to take care of. As I work on my "taking control of my life in positive ways" list, I have less and less room in my head for any thoughts of drinking. Drinking doesn't fit into my new life.
When something is bugging me now, I pause, try to figure out what it is and whether I can do anything about it. In the past I would let worries fester, not deal with them, and then use those uncomfortable, avoided, unresolved feelings as my reason for drinking. Which made things all better, right? NOT.
I'm making plans now. I'm going to achieve some goals. I'm not going to be manic about it, but I'm going to take small steps in the right direction every day. And I won't lift a glass or bottle or can of alcohol to my lips. Period.
Hello everyone, its been a while for me since I have posted but glad to say, I have made it through to 152 days now and loving every single day of it. My partner had some wine the other night and I went to kiss him and nearly puked at the taste on his mouth. I honestly felt like an ex smoker kissing a smoker. The taste was horrible. I made him clean his teeth really well when we went to bed!!!!
I have noticed many new faces, apologies in advance if I miss you. I am so proud to see so many new people and dare I say not sad not to see some old ones. I figure if your not posting your doing great!!!
Hello to Liberte, keep ticking off those days, your doing great.
Ww43, good to see your still with us. Hang in there it will get better.
Tinabela and Lake Lady, welcome to you both, good to see your encouragement for each other and for all of us also.
CeeCee, Sue’s advice is gold. I hope you have taken it.
Kip, hang in there and do what you have to to get through any length of time. Be proud for now that you can make it through the week. Work on the weekends later when your feeling stronger.
Kevin2 – 25 days is awesome, be proud.
ToddE, good for trying all avenues, I went to a AA meeting a couple of years ago to see if “it fit” but found I was like a square peg in a round hole. This forum is the best thing I have found. Do what works for you.
Beth, great to hear that your car won’t turn corners…… Such a great feeling waking up sober hey? Well done.
Priscilla – don’t beat yourself up, start again and start strong. You will get there.
Be strong and remember – I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY!!!!
Day7 - came and went:] moving onto week 2 - I CAN do this!
Thank you to all for the welcome and encouragement.