Carol - you are an inspiration. Truly. One year, amazing!!!!! Enjoy it, ducky.
Carol, a fantastic achievement. That 365th day must have been such a feeling... You are an inspiration. I'm dedicating my morning run to your success! Kip
James G, I just wanted to check on you, I recall that you are approaching 6 months and wanted to encourage you to keep up the good fight! Let me know how you are doing and if you have any words of wisdom to share about your journey.
Congratulations Carol. What a wonderful thing. I am fighting a harder battle than I wish I was right now but I will not give up.
Freedom Day: 12/25/11
Thanks, ww43, for that Dalai Lama quote.
Patience is indeed a virtue, and it's one that takes on even more importance during recovery. I notice that I rarely over-react to situations since I've achieved a sober presence of mind. It's life-changing for me and those around me.
Ken, thanks for the encouragement. My words of wisdom are "I know this forum has my back at all times and has given to me far more then I could ever give back in return." Life is good!
Originally Posted by Ken1
Good evening all! Checking..... Not sure how many days, ww43 are you counting for us?
Kip, I thought about you on Sunday when I was cutting the grass. I was contemplating heading to the store after I was done. I wanted and needed a beer, my reward! You came to mind about the reflex of cleaning your car and automatically having that beer afterwards. I started to imagine how good it would taste. I was so hot and sweaty.... I used to laugh when people would say it is to hot to drink...what? Are you kidding, just another great time to drink.....ANYWAYS, when I started thinking about how it would taste, the thought was not a good taste. I needed my reward to quench my thirst and one would not do that! I could drink a whole six pack but then I would be loopy and I had no good reason to be loopy that day. Then I remembered the ice cold root beer I had in the fridge.....Wow my mind switched to how good it would taste! Cracking open that bottle did the trick. I even edge the yard after drinking that root beer!
Eric, great song and video you posted on the song thread. All day today I could not get that car crash out of my mind. So many times that could happen to any of us. The article Todd and Ken posted talked about the "Yets"... That hasn't happened yet?
Everyone has said it gets worse with every relapse. Also, when I hear people say they're not sure they can commit to never drinking again, that is such a long time.... I think to myself if today is my last day on earth do I want it to be me being wasted? The answer is always "Hell to the No!" So for me, rather than think I can't drink ever again, I think this truly could be my last day on earth and I WILL END IT SOBER! Not trying to be morbid but none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.
Just checking in to say hi to everyone, and congratulations to Carol and Samantha on one year! Wow~! Who would have thought... as far as the not drinking "forever", I think it was Alan Carr who said something like, choose some distant date in the far future for the time you will let yourself drink again. It is a psychological tool to help avoid the beast who says you can't stay sober forever. So, when we hit 95, we can crack open the champagne if we so desire! Beth, I know that thirsty feeling! I learned that half the time I was craving a beer or a glass of wine, I was just thirsty- hell, for years the only liquid I drank was coffee or booze! Didn't want to waste any of that space on water! So, especially when I was having a hard time, I made myself a deal that if I felt cravings I would drink a tall glass of water and read through my "book of shame" which details all the stupid things I have done while drunk! The longer I am sober the more I look at it as the natural way to be, and that pouring poison into our bodies is the anomaly.
Hi All, Wow, Carol, 365 days.... You are a legend. Well done. Your a true inspiration and role model. thanks for sharing your journey with us. I only have 243 days left to join you.....
Good morning all... Ww43, a great quote... It's that pause to reflect that makes all the difference..I am desperately practicing silence since family drama last week. Kind of done with vexing people, including myself....
Beth, good on you for passing after lawn mowing. Too hot to drink...? Yeah, lmao.. I never let weather get in the way of drinking...i used to get loaded before mowing cause I don't particularly enjoy it. Lucky to have my feet.. Funny how people who aren't obviously fighting a problem say such strange things about drinking. Ex: my mom says "the little policeman in my head stops me at two drinks. Why can't you..?" ha ha.. Now really lmfao...! I fired that policeman a long time ago, if he ever even had the job. You folks here at SR just get it and that makes all the difference in any effort to succeed.
And the idea of staying sober today because it could be the last..very true. I can only imagine that so many people who die in drunk driving accidents check out wasted. What a terrible way to go.. That thought alone is further motivation to stay sober today..
Which I plan to do. I hope your days and evenings are centered. Kip
A beautiful cool morning, coffee, and sobriety - what a great way to start they day. Recently, I had been focusing on exercising to enlarge my life and fill the void. Unfortunately, I pushed myself too hard and now I can barely walk with a bum knee. I think it is a sign I need to focus on other areas such as meditation and journaling. Exercise is great and makes me feel very good; however, it doesn't provide the opportunity to deal with some of the issues stirring inside of me. Today, I will spend time working on those other issues.
One of the things that I have been wondering about lately is the self-sabotage nature of alcoholism. I don't consciously set out to destroy my opportunities, but the timing has always been impeccable for doing just that. In fact, I have always had dreams of being successful and I have really not done too bad for myself, but I have also obviously held myself back in a major way. If I want success, then why is it so difficult to let it happen to me? Why would I be fighting it? I really don't know.
I'm right there with you Eric, cool morning too... love it!
I'm curious to know why you feel you aren't as succesful as you could be? From what I can tell you are very successful. So as your friend I am telling you to Stop It! Stop the negative nonsense. Just from the little I know about you, you hold yourself to a tremendous standard. From health to work to most aspects of your life you are extremely focused. As someone from the outside I am here to tell you That is Success!
A book I finished recently is "Change your Thought Change your Life" by Dr. Dyer.
Take Care All!
Hey, Eric - that is totally and absolutely what I get hung-up on. Success. And how I sabotage it. It has also been amazing to stop and consider that . . . I believed for so long that I was not sabotaging myself. mwhahahaha, silly me.
Oh, and dear everyone, I fell off my 'bike' in a spectacular Tour-de-France scrape all the skin off all the body kind of way and have been flopping around on the road for a while. I think that I am ready to pick the bike back up and start again. But . . . each relapse is making it harder (on the one hand), but crystal clear that I have to do this. now. (on the other hand).
Hi, Mel, thanks for your honesty and trusting us enough to tell us! I've been wondering how the trip to England went. What's this "on the other hand" business? Yeah, it feels like it gets harder to get back in the bike (i.e., stop drinking for those who may not be familiar with this analogy). But that's partly 'cause you've had a taste of freedom, and partly unfortunately due to the kindling effect that Ruth has made us aware of.
Choir rehearsal last night the director quoted someone - we have three choices:
1) Give in
2) Give up
3) Give it our all
Never quit quitting (thanks, Sally)! Giving up isn't an option. Took me 20 years, please don't take that long, y'all, OK??
Give in...and let Melvin, alkie voice, she-devil, whatever we want to call it, win? NO WAY! Tell him/her/it to shut up and go home. Tell 'em NO, stop talking. You CAN put him/her/it in hibernation. Last throes before going to sleep she'll torment you like nobody's business, but she will go to sleep. So don't feed her, don't give in and give her that drink.
Give it our all - that's why we're here!
Thanks for the kind words everyone. My words here aren't preachin', they're for me also, to remind me I don't want to awaken my she-devil, or as Sue called it, my dragon. No thank you. Too much pain, too much shame, don't want to go there again.
So good to hear from so many people. Wondering about others who haven't posted in a while. Love you guys!
Hey Carol - thanks for the response. The 'on the other hand' looks more dire due to bad punctuation. What I meant was, while it is getting harder - I know that I cannot do this any longer. England was all right, funnily enough - in terms of 'success', I did not drink and did not sabotage myself. And that felt good - but then came back to an ongoing problem involving a student and allegations of assault (affecting his/her course work) . . . and I turned to my good-old-bad-nogood escape mechanism. And that has been bad, very bad. One of my colleagues has 'come out' as sober, and that is nice - but other people have enabled me (and I've enabled them) to use alky-hol to 'solve' problems. I'm working on it.
I was cleaning up in the basement earlier tonight and found an almost full bottle of gin. I wasn't surprised about forgetting a hidden bottle of booze, more suprised that I though I had cleared out and dumped everything already.
For a split second I had a flash though to save it in a better hiding spot. That was my addictive voice talking of course. Yeah right, don't drink it just keep it around though... I poured straight down the drain, but it was a struggle to push that addictive voice down. I can't pretend it was easy at all. I was caught off guard. I hadn't heard from the little bugger in a while and "it" was not happy.
Well I guess it isn't written down anywhere that there won't be some struggles now and then. This was a pretty minor one as far as that goes. I'll be glad for tomorrow though and put the empty bottle out with the rest of the trash.
Take care, Stay strong,
I'm new to the site so please be gentle and forgive any errors.
Here goes..... a little about me.
I drank in my early teens. But by the age of nineteen I had stopped drinking and didn't drink again until I was forty. It was just a social thing. But as the years passed it became more of a habit. Now, I'm 57 and drinking a bottle of wine almost every night, Worse still was when I wanted to stop I found I couldn't. Oh I have a 101 "good" excuses but the bottom line is I'm not in control. That was very difficult for me to admit. I searched online for information about alcohol addiction and found this site. I was amazed when I read the forums, there are so many others like me.
I have a few days off work and felt this would be as good a time as any to start my journey. I can focus on taking those first few steps. I'll continue to read the forums and take advantage of the many good ideas and suggestions posted here.
Positive thoughts to all that are walking the same path.
Freedom Day: 12/25/11
A warm welcome to you. Congratulations on taking this big step! I'm living proof that it's possible to change the course of your life at age 57. Let us know how the first day goes!
Hi, Terri and welcome! This is a very gentle and supportive group of people here. It is almost impossible to error here. The drinking problem is not about how much we drank, but about the obsession and compulsion to drink. It is about the lack of control in how much we drink and whether we drink. It is a very personal problem about how drinking made us feel and the impact it was having on our achieving our life goals (good parent, honest, loyal friend, positive personality, productive worker - anything really). The unfortunate overarching symptom of this disease is that when we try to get sober it repeatedly tries to convince us that drinking is not the problem and that our life goals are not important.
Welcome again. Read through the old posts and the articles that they refer to.