How to stop drinking

[makettle]

Hi all - have been reading lots but not posting and I think it may be time that I am actually honest with myself. Hungover again today so another day one. I usually wait until the weekend to drink but lately it is getting to be a middle of the week problem also. I binge drink quite heavily, then get the guilts, depression and anxiety and swear off alcohol - until the next time. I seem to have a very short memory. I honestly don't know where to start to beat this demon. I get lost in the weekends because we don't have a computer at home so I can't look up you guys and I lose all resolve. I think I use alcohol to escape from the humdrum of everyday life, (I am a Mum of four and grandmother to two), but I also use it as a reward at the end of the day eg been in the garden all day so I'll have a beer as a treat - trouble is, I cannot stop at one. My husband is quite a heavy drinker so we sort of feed off each other. I am finding it difficult to have any sort of determination to change the direction my life is heading while using alcohol. So today I am starting day one again - this time it is going to be different.


Just want to add - congrats Jeff on your 100 days - hope I can get there. Yes ANZAC day is very sobering - parades etc were very well attending over here in NZ.

Allison - happy birthday. Hope you have a great day. Love your humour - life is a little hard without laughter!!

[nomoredayones]

Happy Birthday Alison.

[Beth]

Checking in the night of day 4. Happy Birthday Alison hope you celebrated the way you wanted to....Sober!
Makettle keep learning all you can about yourself and what the triggers are. You are doing good at identifying them. Write them down so you have them. Also write 15 things you can do when those humdrum feelings hit. Some examples suggested to me ....take a shower, take a walk outside or around the mall, brush your teeth, go to a movie, the library, give yourself a manicure, clean the inside of your closets or refrigerator, call a friend. Look up some social clubs in your area you can join (that don't involve drinking). Drink lots of water but also find a drink substitute. I just found a great flavored water. It's called sparkling ice spring water and comes in all kinds of flavors. I am not sure if it's in your area but you can buy it on the web. It's about a dollar a bottle. Soooo yummy.
One thing I have been doing these past couple of weeks in something Ken1 taught me. Anything and everything can trigger me....when the feeling/ emotions start to bubble up I stop and ask myself "is this going to mean anything to me in a week?". It surprises me how logical this statement is and it puts me in check.
Our days are filled with so many irritants that one by itself can cause us to get on the mission to just get alcohol. Let alone add them up and why wouldn't we drink?
So next time that person cuts you off while driving, or some goofball at work says something stupid, or the kids are acting like they belong in a zoo, or the silverware drawer falls all over the floor, or you wanted so badly to work out but didn't or couldn't ...... just say "will this mean anything to me in a week?".
Are we all ok?

[JeffR1]

Kip: It’s good to see you posting, hang in there and keep coming back – it’s worth it! And, thank you for your kind words; much appreciated. Best wishes.

ToddE: Good on you for not succumbing to the triggers at the airport – it’s definitely one of those places that many people can associate with drinking. Keep up the great progress.

Makettle: It’s also good to see you posting. What’s spooky is this morning I had a thought cross my mind about some members I hadn’t seen post in a while, and I wondered how they were doing – your name came up! I think it is really important right now to be kind to yourself, as I have found there is that temptation for the feelings to feed on themselves and the next I knew I was drinking. I imagine it is difficult for you as your husband drinks. Is there a chance he may be able to stop or cut back for a while to help you get over that initial difficult period? Perhaps it is worth talking with him about it. That you are here posting is a positive thing. Thank you for your kind words also. Hang in there. Best wishes.

Beth: You are doing great; keep that momentum going. And, wow, I liked the really positive and helpful advice in your post. You included advice which is really straightforward and readily implemented. I hadn’t heard it before about whether things would have the same meaning in a week (thanks also to Ken) - I will certainly keep it in mind. Best wishes.

Priscilla: Good on you for posting. I really believe that in order to be successfully sober, we have to be proactive and play an active role in our sobriety – reading and posting here sure is a good place to start. I would try not to let your daughter’s comment adversely affect you as this could be counterproductive for you in staying sober. It’s good you recognise you may be going a destructive path and want to do something about it now. It’s also positive you are seeking counselling, as many times we drink to escape things in life we have trouble dealing with. I suggest reading from the beginning of this thread as there is lots of great advice and guidance which I found really helpful. Hang in there. Best wishes.

Hi everyone. I trust your day has been good.

Kip’s post got me thinking about others not understanding what it takes to get sober and stay sober. How many times have we heard ‘Well, just stop drinking’? Yeah, right! What’s interesting is that if one wanted to be a mongrel, try telling a morbidly overweight person to ‘just eat healthy, calorie controlled foods’ and see their reaction! It’s not that they generally want to eat foods that contribute to their weight problems, but rather food is their ‘poison of choice’ and they have difficulty eating healthfully.

In fact, some people fail to see the irony in, say, a morbidly overweight person telling someone with a drinking problem not to drink! By the by, one could substitute smoking, gambling, workaholism or any other ‘ism’ or obsession for obesity – it just comes down to people using different substances or activities as an escape from their inner pain, or a way to drown out the perceived pain of life.

As to people or events that can act as triggers for us, it’s my experience that the intensity of the response to trigger people or events definitely lessens with time when sober. I know now that things that ‘sent me drinking’ not all that long ago don’t have that much of an effect on me now. I’d say there certainly is an element of the Alcoholic Voice using such things as a way to get us to drink, but I also think I needed to make a conscious choice that as people and events are out my control, I could choose not to allow things to get me upset. The learning point for me reinforced that the only thing I can control is my current thought, so anything outside that I can let go of and not worry about the outcome.

Well, I better get a move along and cook some dinner. All the best to everyone. Have a great sober day.

[Beth]

Good morning all. I am up and ready for the day. Another piece of information that finally has stuck with me is that this a process. Everyone here kept telling me this but for some reason I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I wanted the instant gratification. I wanted to be at day 30 and have alcohol gone. Now that I am "processing" the process I am more centered in the moment. Me wanting alcohol and craving alcohol is just an excuse to not take responsibility. First because I didn't know how to take responsibility. I needed to slow down and take time to process why I drank and to unwind my mind so I could take life head on.
Makettle, one thing I wanted to say yesterday was on your comment of not having access to a computer. Can you print out a few articles or pages of this forum during the week so you can refer to them on the weekend? If not, head to the library to access a computer or do some book reading. Hey your going there any ways when the cravings hit right?
Priscilla, stay in the process. Like Jeff said don't take too much to heart about what your kids are saying that could cause you to derail. But also remember kids are smart. Sometimes they don't know how to express what they are feeling. But they are honest and can almost be that voice in your head that you use to beat yourself up with just out loud. There honesty is not meant to hurt but love.
Kimmy, glad to see you! Just so you know I only post on my IPad. Gets easier to post with practice
Grateful for two things today.... A sober yesterday and today.

[john48]

Hi I found this link at the Spirit River home page, On the side bar there are seven downloadable
recovery modules I am taking the relapse prevention course, It has been very helpful,
http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/ I hope everyone has a happy and sober day today.
John

[Beth]

Headed to bed in my wonderful sober state. Good night all be good to yourself.
Got by the little devil AV with all my new little tricks....they are working.
Are we all ok? Hope so!

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
It's all good reading here. I forgot to mention that I too rotated the booze stores! Can't be found out eh??? We are like secret agents...looking over our shoulder's whilst hovering around the shop! The one thing that I do when I type here is that I smile whilst typing. The reason for this is that we are all the same here. Priscilla, I totally get what you have shared here. I was getting to the point when nothing triggered me to drink anymore.........I just drank! The pressure's of life make us cave in because it makes us (Pink Floyd song) Comfortably numb!
My birthday was fab. My sister took me to a beautiful hotel which has a wonderful spa treatment center. I has 2 hours of treatment and got my nails done and had........wait for it.........a champange afternoon tea. Yep....champange (can't spell that!)
I was very apprehensive when my sister told me this. My sister drinks occasionally now after going 12 years dry. She drank 2 glasses with me and that was that. She made it a controlled environment and made sure that all the sandwiches and cream cakes were eaten. It was better than the Ritz hotel in London!!!!
AND..........Iv'e bagged a job there!!!! I'm just sorting out my CV then finally I will be out of a job I truly hate (major drink trigger). So guys, if you ever come over to my little Island, this hotel is the dogs bollocks!!! LOL
Anyway...thanks for all my birthday wishes. Love you all.
Toodle pip

[Kip]

TGIF all....ww43, la croix water rocks..! My wife buys it by the caseload and I drink the heck out of it. Natural and the carbonization settles my stomach..Having a glass of lime flavor next to my coffee right now! Right there with you on mood swings... This week my wife probably things I am a rather boring, somewhat sober husband. This sobriety takes all of one's energy.

A small strange slip yesterday...came home a bit early from work and thought I would wash my car... Standing there halfway through I realized I had taken a break and opened a beer. Crap. It didn't even taste good. And about half I woke up and realized that thur would be an X on my planner. Have you folks ever tried to stop in the middle of a drink? It doesn't work for me..kinda what the hell...might as well finish it.. Digging for good news here is that i finally got some awareness. And woke up. But had I practiced "the pause upon which all else depends" things would have been different. Well, gonna do tha that today. At least I won't have the car wash trigger. Which, btw, is a happy one. I've been to preoccupied with the negative ones and this little devil snuck up. Another happy one tomorrow as our car club road trips to historic races at Road Atlanta. They just never stop, these triggers... Stopping is my responsibility.

Jeff, thanks for additional insight on how we interact with the world. For me it often feels like the toughest part, especially when so-called friends who know the situation never comment. Ours is the noble path to follow and we must realize that thorns are abundant.

Priscilla, hang in there this weekend. It sounds like you're in that same situation as many where social opportunities are coming left and right.I admit I am not ready for these. My massive change will be to say no, stay home, and enjoy a sober night. It's a lonely thought at first but I know things get better... Good luck..

Beth, great thoughts on process. That keeps us motivated when things go awry.. We know that, like a cross country bike trip, we simply need to get up each day and pedal even if we crashed the day before. Good luck w the iPad. That's my early a.m machine and it's a bit of a pain to type on! Get used to some amusing misspells and misplaced words..lol.

Hope we all have a sober aware weekend...I'm going in wide awake...May post again today while new job is a bit slow..Best to all of you...

[Beth]

Hi all, checking in! Exhausted! Took a nap but have been working all night. Massive action is tough. Going to sleep completely exhausted. Kip, as I read your post about stopping half way through, I thought to myself no way could I do that....then I read you couldn't either.... Made me smile but I do feel for you. Get some ice cold root beer and keep it handy during your car washes. They come in bottles that look just like a beer bottle. It even feels and sounds like one when you open it.....Gives you that reward feeling.
John48, great link thank you.
Sylvane thanks for the reminder of remember to remember.....Days wasted trying to get through, too sick to drink, but feeling so miserable that you wished you wouldn't of woke up at all! Not for me sista! I will always remember that I am beyond those days.

[nomoredayones]

Morning all!
This alcohol thing is a doozy! I feel so much better without the alcohol yet I still get very strong urges to drink. I am like a baby. I miss my (wine) bottle! Weekends can be tough for me so I am scheduling a lot of activity. My mind plays tricks on me and tells me I "deserve" a glass of wine, a few wouldn't hurt, it's the weekend, etc. I have to let those feelings go and just not act on them.
Have a great and sober weekend everyone. :-)

[ToddE]

WW43, v. nice on one week. good luck with staying on your path with the husband out of town. I know business trips are always a trigger for me. I've seen people mention keeping an urge log as being helpful, but haven't tried it myself. It does make sence to me though. For me anyway, if I recognize a stiuation that is a trigger it loses its strenght a little. It's kind of the like the drinking voice isn't as strong if you recognise that's what is talking in your head.

I had to go out of town this week and it wasn't a problem. I think part of it was seeing it for what it was and playing it through in my head without drinking. During my normal routine it is feeling normal to not being drinking. Things outside my normal rouitine I still have to be on guard more. Things outside my normal routine aren't particularly uncommon either.

Take care everyone,

-Todd

[bdog]

Morgan, Sylvane. we have to do the best we can. Stay strong. If we slip we know now what we have to do to get back. it sucks but we know now what we have to do. stay strong!!!

[Beth]

Happy Sunday! Sun is shining but a little chilly so I think I prefer to stay inside. Had a successful day yesterday .... Sorry, ww43 for not checking in but I am still right with you! The asparagus festival sounds like a good and yummy time.

My daily cravings feel more like habit than an urge so I can shut it down with a good "Hell to the No!" shout out loud.
Thoughts and prayers for all of you.

[nomoredayones]

I cam across this quote and it really spoke to me:
"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts."

Happy Sunday all.

[makettle]

Hi all - just a super quick post coz its a busy day. I made it through the weekend - yeeha. Kept really busy (I have got a super tidy house!!) for the weekend and it was magic waking up in the morning with no hangover! Yippee. Will check in again later.

[Beth]

ww43, you are doing great! Made it through the exact same Sunday...VBall, studying, kids a little crazy but now we are in bed and all is calm. No alcohol for me either!
Try a nice bath to relax and enjoy lots of room in your bed tonight. I still have that hungover feeling in the morning probably lack of sleep too but it doesn't last all day (only about an hour after my first cup of coffee) like a true hangover would and that feels great!

[JacquieC]

Hi All, congrats Alison about the job. Well done.... Today is day 113 for me and the weekend was a struggle. I am living proof that there is no silver lining, its all hard work. Well thats how I feel at the moment. Got given a fabulous bottle of Red wine on the weekend as a present. Some days I feel that my friends are trying to sabotage me...... they say they are so proud that I don't drink and then go and do something like that. Honestly don't they realise how hard it is some days. I have found I compensate with food now. the She devil on my shoulder pushes food on me now that I won't let her push alcohol. I am scared that I am going to turn into the Fat sober girl in the corner I might be alcohol free but certainly am not calorie free.... I know one vice at a time but HELP!!!! is all I can say. Some days I can't cope with EVERYTHING.....

Sorry to dump guys. Just need a bit of keyboard therapy

On a more positive note, hang in there everyone. Congrats to all those who got through the weekend, however you did it. Well done

[JeffR1]

Hi everyone. Looking over my bookshelf the other day I saw Dr Phil’s book ‘The Ultimate Weight Solution’ and I thought about his keys to weight loss and how they could apply to any addiction, including addiction to alcohol.

I like Dr Phil’s straightforward approach to life and the issues and problems we face. He basically sees matters such as addiction as a symptom of an underlying problem. As such, he takes things a step past treating only the symptoms – ie the drinking or over-eating – and tries to identify and treat the underlying cause.

Treating the underlying cause is about trying to eliminate the reason a person engages in addictive behaviour in the first instance. So, for people with a problem with alcohol, I believe Dr Phil’s approach will help to reduce the likelihood of relapsing once one achieves sobriety.

His book sets out 7 keys to gaining mastery over the problem. As mentioned, the book is about weight loss, but I’d say all of the keys, except perhaps one, are applicable to maintaining sobriety. The keys are as follows:

1. Right thinking: ‘Change your thinking and change your weight’. Getting down to your ‘personal truth’.

2. Healing feelings: ‘You make the choices that create your emotional state’. Unlocking the door to your emotional control.

3. A no-fail environment: ‘You can’t eat what’s not there’. Reducing your exposure and protecting yourself from out-of-control behaviour.

4. Mastery over food (or alcohol) and impulse eating (or drinking): ‘You can behave your way to a healthy, fit body’. Changing what you do and changing your payoffs and rewards.

5. High-response cost, high-yield nutrition (not quite sure how to interpret this one into the subject of drinking): ‘A behavioral approach to nutrition’. Eliminating destructive patterns.

6. Intentional exercise: ‘Exercise… unlocks the door to body control’. Overcoming inertia and replacing it with positive momentum.

7. Your circle of support: ‘There is strength and power in support’. Enlisting supporting behaviour and avoiding sabotaging behaviour.

His book begins with the quote: ‘Change can come in either of two important ways: Start behaving positively or stop behaving negatively’! He then goes on to talk about fad diets and the many ‘quick fix’ solutions out there – similar to gaining mastery over alcohol. He calls his approach a ‘get real strategy’!

I highly recommend this book. Take care everyone and have a great sober day!


Jacquie: I just saw your post as I was about to send mine live. Congratulations on 113 days! I know what you are saying about the food. I'm only a few kilos over my ideal weight, but I find I am using sweet treats in the evening. What's interesting though is that over the past week or two I have been like I'm hungover some mornings, despite not drinking! I'm thinking it might be the sugar in the lollies and sweets that is causing it. For me, this has the potential to turn my mind to feeling a bit lousy and then having thoughts about drinking.

I guess in the short term it is better to be having some sweet treats rather than drinking, but I also don't want to end up putting on too much weight. Now I've noticed what I think is a possible connection to the sugar, I am planning to cut back on the sweet stuff and have some healthier options available to snack on during the evening.

It's a bit of a concern about your friends giving you alcohol. I'd say your sobriety is forcing them to confront their own inner issues - whether they be related to alcohol or not, you are taking steps to improve your life and I'd bet that is confronting to them. People like what they are comfortable with, and your sobriety is a stark reminder to people sometimes. That said, in all probability they are not doing this consciously and may well feel for you or even want to congratulate you. Perhaps you may need to politely decline if they offer alcohol - or perhaps, firmly decline if they persist!

Hang in there. You are doing so well.

[carol]

Sylvane, a year, woo hoo!!!