How to stop drinking

[Kip]

i just started a new job in my company and things haven't yet hit full stride so i have the unique opportunity to catch my breath and visit this place of hope and humanity..... last night felt good to be sober and I applied my B3 approach -Bath, Books, Bed...... i've always read at night but the bath thing is kind of new and it reminds me of the great feeling of getting into hot baths (onsen) in Japan... usually followed by beer... now it's just sparkling water....

i regretted a dinner with friends tonight because i am simply not strong enough to put myself in a social situation without alcohol. that's the fact at this point. and even doing it in moderation gives me permission to do it alone later and start trouble. i don't want the relapses to be so frequent that i'm no longer quitting but back into the old pattern of daily drinking.. my hope is that awareness is a good starting point but i thought i had that figured out back on 1 Jan... man, this thing is strong...

Morgan, good to hear from you... my answer to your question is that if I don't get this thing under control by way of admitting the extent of the problem, the whole house of life is going to come crumbling down... i am tired of navigating the knife edge. a thought also occurred while out for a run this morning... all this resentment towards people who are pushing my buttons (pulling the trigger might be more appropriate..) needs to be directed as angry energy towards sobriety... in the early stages, and perhaps beyond, it's a very selfish act. people who don't get this really don't get it... they live on a different planet. so, ultimately, it's the desire to have peace and stability that ultimately drive me. but it isn't strong enough yet because after my first relapse on 23 Jan, they have been coming at me like crazy. triggers, drinking opportunities, etc... just the reason why massive change is the only way to attack this... i hope this helps you and, as always, best of luck as we go forward.

sylvane, i so feel for you after such a good run... but the metaphor of riding the bike cross country is most relevant.. you made a huge journey.. no reason to turn around...just pick up the bike and push those pedals. like you i fell on sunday as well... and slept like crap. following the B3 approach last night made this morning much better. hang in there this week and i hope things go better for you..

john48, great on day 30. congrats! i totally understand your situation...technology plays right into the hands of those of use in this battle. imagine having to write and mail a letter.. things slow way down... hang in there and do your best...

JeffR1, good to hear from you friend. your writings are always an inspiration to those of us trudging on the near side of day ones.....

take care all...

[kevin2]

Hi all (again)
Mel! pack a rain coat! It's nasty here!
It's 7.pm and I'm going to have a nice shower and a hot cup of tea. I'm in gastric hell at the mo. My own stupid fault.
Tomorrow is another day and it's going to be a good one!!!!!
Toodle pip

Okay,..Alison and Mel, I've got a favor to ask (a mission). My Mother-in-Law is flying to London on Friday. I need to you two to find her and steal her passport,...then possibly frame her in some kind of terrorism plot that gets her arrested. Anything you have to do make sure she doesn't return to the States. I will owe both of you my eternal soul ;-)

[carol]

Sylvane, I really feel for you. You know I'm a counter, but having achieved so many days of freedom, I don't think it's useful for you to think of this as day 2. Too easy to say f*** it, what's the point, I might as well do it again, I'm starting over anyway. Figure out your "freedom day" and call this a big bump in the road, but like others have said, get back on the bike and keep pedalling (hey, it'll help on the 30 day exercise challenge, ha, ha).

The one thing that has come thru loud and clear is that you have a lot of trouble loving yourself. I know unsuccessfully looking for work has you down, among other things. But somehow that fundamental "I am a good person, worthy of being loved" is something you won't let yourself feel. You ARE a good person, worthy of being loved! You have given of yourself and touched many of us. Take a moment and give yourself some credit!

Whatever the trigger was, you are worth more! If you are depressed, I know positive thinking alone isn't enough to change that. I don't know if you are in a position to seek help. I'm NOT saying you are broken!!!!! I just would love to see you happy and whole in spirit. If I'm out of line, tell me to jump in a big, fat lake! Know that we care.

Not meaning to ignore all y'all, so many good posts, so much progress. Keep it going!

[Mel]

Kevin, hahahaha - I'll do my best, and I can't think of a better co-secret agent for this mission than Allison. I'm off y'all - it is going to take 24 hours to get to England from the Midwest.

Beth - no, it is a business trip and I've got a paper to give. I don't know anyone there and so I have the opportunity to CHOOSE to be the non-drinker that I know that I can be. Just need to stay on top of it/myself. Sylvane - sorry to hear that you slipped, and I know it must feel rotten given the amount of time you've put in . . . but don't let it drag you back, recommit.

[Ken1]

Sylvane, I'm sorry you slipped and I know you will get right back on your journey. After I read your story, it made me think about my own feelings towards alcohol. If I really dig, I have this idea that someday I will be able to be a normal drinker again. I seem to think that if I wait long enough, I will have mastered the art of moderation by not drinking for a non-specified, to be determined imaginary date of my choosing. That must be my sick AV trying to convince me that everyone drinks and that if I want to be normal I will drink too. I know that is wrong. I am not nor will I ever be a normal drinker, whatever that is! I sure wouldn't know what normal drinking is, just some euphoric recall going on about all the imaginary good times I had because of alcohol. The fact is, if I had not been drinking, the events that alcohol supposedly made so great would have been great anyway. Conversely, if alcohol was the thing that made them so great, then whatever it was I was doing must not have been so great after all!

Eric, I like what you said about your life taking two divergent paths. You summed me up in that alcohol was making me numb to all the goals I had made for myself and my life. I was on a hamster wheel and just going through the motions, like Groundhog Day! Here is to your success and please have a good thought for me as well if you have time. You are one of the smartest people here and I know you will work it out.

I have to be careful about over-thinking it; I have a plan, just stay sober TODAY. Forget everything else, only worry about today. Then my ego steps in and starts trying to analyze everything and I wind up miserable. Carol is right on by saying how important loving yourself is, and I would like to add remember to be grateful to that.

Jeff, congrats on 100+ days, you're an inspiration to us all! Greetings to everyone else and stay strong my friends!

I finally read The Power of Habit and will try to give the highlights tomorrow. It has some good info in it that can definitely help us.

[dedasn]

Sylvane,

I'm sorry you slipped but there's no better day to recommit than today. "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today."

Ken,

I love your comment "just stay sober TODAY". With addictions in life, or goals we are making, rather than focusing on all the change we must make and getting overwhelmed I too find it helpful to decide what I can do today -- and then tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow.

[Julie]

Sylvane, my friend, I know you are smarter and more talented than you believe .... you've been so strong and consistent in your journey - I'm proud of you.

I'm staying on my chosen path (3+ months now) by using tools from SMART (www.smartrecovery.org). As with AA, it's not for everyone, but the simplicity has really helped me get through the difficult first weeks of thinking daily about drinking to where I am now - occasional thoughts of "Why not ..... you've made it this far and everyone else can drink, so why not give it a try?". I really do know already 'why not' - I think most of us do. Here is an excerpt from the site:

BELIEF COMPELS ADDICTION

Perhaps the most important way a belief compels substance abuse occurs is when a person takes this idea seriously:

“I cannot stop myself from doing my addictive behavior.”

When you truly believe:

“I don’t have control over my hands, arms, feet and mouth,”

you can be sure that you will engage in addictive behavior, the opposite of self treatment for addiction. Why?

Because everyone has a voice inside his or her head that at least sometimes says, “How about doing something stupid” or, from time to time, a person just feels like doing something stupid – something that works in the moment, but not in their life. If you buy the notion that you don’t have control over your hands, arms, feet and mouth you are “cooked!” However, when you act consistently with, “Unless I have a stroke, am paralyzed or in a coma, I can always control my hands, arms, feet and mouth,” then that’s exactly what you will be doing! And then your beliefs will compel a life without substance abuse or any other form of addictive behavior!



Stay the course everyone - get back up and on the path if you've fallen down. WE ARE WORTH IT!!

And, Kevin, thanks for the laugh today!!

[Beth]

Night is here and made it through the day. A little sleepy but need to check in. Sylvane, you should hold your head hi and not even think about Sunday. Since it's a leap year youy have an extra day anyways so forget about it.
Two things that have kept me motivated through this past month
1. The day I came to SR. Like I said, I Never want to forget that day. Another wasted weekend but more so the embarrassment and shame not to mention the extreme DTs. I'd rather stick a pen in my eye and be blind then to ever feel that pain again. Some here say take the time in the morning to reflect on how good it feels waking up sober. It does feel good but it really wasn't keeping me from drinking. I had the hangover morning routine down pat.
2. My new motto: Discipline Determines Destiny. Jeff's noble life is also a good way to describe what this means to mean. You know the saying Character is who we are when no one is watching. That is it. No matter what people thought, I convinced myself that I was a social drinker. The better I hid my problem the better I felt. So in the end I couldn't drink socially because I was the life of the party lush. So I would show everyone and drink alone in the privacy of my own home. I would smile when I knew no one would be home so I could bask in my little secret and no one would know (ya right, they would just come home to see mommy passed out). That had become my Character! Really? So F'd up.
What I have learned is that became me because alcohol is truly truly truly a depressant! Yes triple truly's! I need to make a point to everyone here still in brain frog. All of us new here and relapsers have a very obvious state of mind.... Depressed.
I was finally getting out of the fog and can see the change in peoples personalities here when they are sober versus struggling with getting sober.
I quit smoking in 1991. Cold turkey. I did because it was gross and stupid. People asked me for a long time if I missed it and I would say "everyday" but there was no way I was going to go through starting to smoke it again. Like Sue said after awhile the new habit takes over and you just dont think about it everyday.
ww43, I am glad you told your husband. I hope he can be a help.
Funny about your mom and family members. My sister is my best friend. So when she invited me to her super bowl party in February I told her I needed to pass because I was trying not to drink for awhile. She said "cool". I haven't seen her since I started this journey which is obvious to me why. I do get a text about every other week from her that says "still not drinking?" I always say "yes". She always says "cool" no invites anymore but I am happy about that. Too much drama plus I don't know about you but who really wants to be around a bunch of drunks? Not me.

[Beth]

Ps... I am not sure how that little devil showed up at the top of my post but too funny. Must be that bastard ex Alcoholic Voice being a little pissed at me..... Haha Mr. AV, ain't happening tonight!

[Midwest Sue]

ww43, you are not overposting. This is keyboard therapy and we recommend it!
Hurray for staying strong tonight! Emotions bubbling (or bursting) to the surface is normal during this time and will continue. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort and know it's part of a worthwhile process.

In case you have any doubts, let me assure you that 2 bottles of wine or 1/2 a 750L bottle of gin daily = a drinking problem. I know because I was there and yes, I was self-conscious enough to alternate stores for purchases.

Keep coming here, keep the booze out of the house, and stay strong!

[Beth]

ww43, No such thing as over posting.... You are fighting for your life here.
I agree with you thinking they just want you to be the happy mommy/ wife, I went through it too.
Get some rest and tomorrow will be a new day. You know you are doing the right thing for you and your girls. As for her telling you you don't have drinking problem....she could be in denial of it too. I know I go(went) to great lengths to hide it but at the end of the day in casual talks with my kids it is evident that they don't want mommy drinking "so much". They don't understand that their harding working, loving, attentive mother is a drunk. A drunk is that dirty smelly guy that carries a brown paper bag.
That is another reason this is so important........ I am one of the lucky ones who by the grace of god was never violated/ harmed while overly intoxicated and blacked out. I had put myself in so many dangerous situations. I want and NEED to be there for my children. A. If mommy drinks than it's ok when I grow up and B. I am not there for them as a parent when I am intoxicated.
I am their teacher of life and you only get so much time to set the proper foundation. So even though I still hear the comments that you don't drink that much from them, I know I do and that is why I need to do this. For them.
I have to tell you though I do not involve them in this process. I don't think it's fair to look for them for the "that a way, great job!" support. They can't process it. If I blow up at them, I know its the cravings and the edge of trying not to give in but I use other excuses (bad day, mommy is just sad today, or even sorry that time of the month). I have read post where folks here get upset at their spouse for not cheering them on as well..... Even non alcoholic adults can't process this. They say and think just don't drink or why can't you just drink a glass? We are wired differently. That is why we are all so grateful for finding this forum, we are among our own kind.
Feel blessed you found us and keep reaching out for support. Take care

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Yep, we are wired differently! That's why we are all on this site. Are-wiring is needed for us all but sometimes we hit a spark and blow all the fuses!!!!
Syvanne.............Sorry to hear you sparked after such a long time. None of us are immune from the grips of this crap poison. Don't beat yourself up over it. I have learn't that when I have relapsed (several over this past month) but I know that being sober gives me the power to live my life. The depression is just too overwhelming.
I'm 46 today and feel good because i'm hangover free. The test will be tonight when my friends and family are due round.
Kevin2.........The weather here is terrible. I could meet your mother-in-law at Tower Bridge station and push her into the thames! She will be gone forever swirling around all the turd!!!! LOL.
Anyway, I'm going out for a big British fry up breakfast then my sister is picking me up and taking me out somewhere. She has booked us in somewhere for a surprise! I'll let you know tomorrow!
Take care everyone and keep it real!
Toodle pip.

[Locus]

Hi all,

ww43, I've been there totally. I used to rotate the stores I would go to buy my booze on a regular routine and even stopped going to one store when the assistant cheerfully asked did I want a bigger pack when I was trying to cut down (he thought I was buying a smaller pack by mistake)! Also had the same with my daughter. I had told her I was giving drinking a rest. A while later she asked if I was still not drinking, I jokingly replied that it had been 52 days (or whatever it was). She said that counting days made it sound like I was an alcoholic which I wasn't. So in her eyes I was not an alcoholic but in mine I was/am one without doubt. Like many others I hid it well, functioned and did all the strategies to hide the worst excesses of the condition.

Alison, Happy Birthday and enjoy the fry up! I hope you have a great day.

Good luck and stay strong.

Locus

[john48]

sorry about the bad night ww43 I had that monday night I wish I would have not said anything to my
girl and I wish I would not have even replied to her emails I could have talked later, I was craving
alcohol so bad I could not think clearly, now I am alone again, But it is day 31 and I am grief stricken
but I will not go on another bender this time like I used to do, then the fight some how always turned
into what I did after I drank lots of stupid phone calls and emails that I did not remember, maybe
its better that I go it alone this time, I stopped craving last night and it was a relief if only temporary.
John

[Midwest Sue]

Alison, Happy Birthday! Be good to yourself!

[Kimmy]

Hi Everyone,

I have been reading back posts and trying to keep up with new ones, I haven't said much due to the fact that my pc is in the living room and I never have quite time to write a post. I do most of my reading on an ipad and typing one letter at a time is hard.. I notice alot of people who have reach long goals still post here, I feel like I know a little about them from older posts and I just want to say thank you for still being here and helping us " new people " It forum is helping me so much. I see some have had slips, I proberly have had 100's but I never was accountalbe like I am now, So please don't beat yourself up over it, the fact that we are here and are trying is everything.
I think it is day 25 for me my last drinking day was april 1st when I woke up the next morning with black and blue's on my arms and side.From what I recall it was proberly from the bathroom seat, I usually try to throw up and could not steady myself. I found this site that night.The funny thing was about a week later I still wanted a drink with the visible marks still on me.. Everyday I am feeling better a little tired still But I am liking myself alot more.
WW43 my kids are grown up they never liked me drinking but I found when I use to stop drinking they lost a little control because I wasn't giving into them ( guilt, self lothing ) . I haven't mentioned that I stopped to them been there done that, I feel actions will speak loader than words.
I work alot of nights serving food and drinks so I am always around it, last night at the end of night a few peole were telling drinking stories some young and everyone of the story's ending in how bad they felt the next day, sorta like the sicker they felt the better time they had the night before.. I love all of your posts and I would like to address you guys more by name I will try that next.
Alison happy birthday, have a great day.

One thing I would like to share with everyone is 2 of the best parts of my day now.
1.Going to sleep feeling good and content, ( without sleeping aids such as advil pm or vodka )
2. waking up each morning rested and alert.
Those are proving to be great motivation for me to stay sober.

[bdog]

Happy Birthday AlisonUK. your 3 years behind me so quit drinking now and you will feel on top or the world when your old like me LOL. WW43 shopping at different stores? All the time, and we have State stores in PA and there is only three in my town and they all know me. and so do the guys who pick up my recycle bin and would find 14 fifiths of Vodka every week. and all the hiding and seeking around I did for years. Its getting better but A lot of us do it. It doesnt start bad but it sure does get bad faster then when we know it with such a short life to live. Hang in there it always gets better after a few days of quitting.

[JeffR1]

Hi John48. 31 days is fantastic, congratulations. I saw a show yesterday about relationships and a key message was ‘a person’s rejection is God’s protection’! Times can be tough, but the message here was that sometimes God / the Universe / Higher Power knows what is best for us and protects us by ending relationships that are not good for us in the long term. I like the idea behind this – I’ve experienced a divorce – and seems to help ease the pain. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Remember also the saying: ‘There is no problem in life that can’t be made worse with alcohol’!

Kimmy: Congratulations on 25 days. I too love the feeling of peacefully drifting off to sleep sober and waking up clear-headed. And, I can tell you that it is still feeling awesome now after 3 ½ months!

Ww43: Hang in there, you are doing great. Congratulations on your success so far. No matter what they say and despite how they may play up, our kids will always feel relief when we are not drinking. They care about us and like life a lot better when they do no have to worry about us harming ourselves. You are doing a good thing. Be kind to yourself right now. Take care.

Beth: I like your three D’s! Discipline Determines Destiny! It’s unfortunate about your sister, but finding support from within is the key. Often your not drinking brings others’ drinking into stark focus, so they cannot be supportive. You are doing great – keep finding that support within you. Best wishes.

Dedasn: Welcome to the forum. This is a great place with lots of understanding people. As it is suggested, keep reading and keep posting. You can get ‘keyboard therapy’ here free of charge – and at the same time help us in our journey. Best wishes.

Hi to everyone. As an aside, it was ANZAC day here in Australia yesterday. It is a day of thanks and remembrance to all those people who gave their lives in the wars so others can be free. Unfortunately, it is also a day for many to get really plastered and wreak havoc. I’m grateful I was sober yesterday. Best wishes to you all. I trust you all enjoy a great sober day.

[Kip]

Good day all (good morning JeffR1!!)... just a little note to say i appreciate everything you folks write here. i am leaving work soon fully confident that i will drive home sober and hit that bed later for a peaceful sleep. it does feel great doesn't it? Jeff, it's great to know the feeling lasts.. you are leading the way, man!

Happy birthday Alison...!
Kimmy, welcome, if I haven't said it before.. if I have, welcome again!
bdog, you're right on it - my relapses can start ever so gently. then bam.. all goes awry..

This week has reminded me that massive change is a full time job. I don't think non-drinkers, or non-addicts, or those who avoid the problem actually realize how much of one's energy this consumes. That's why that sober bed feels so good. A morning run, a decent day of work, and a sober return is about all I can do. So I gotta quit beating myself up over this but, perhaps more importantly, not get too upset with those trigger folks who don't even know they are triggering....goodness, this is all so hard. But I know it's worth it...

Hope you all have good days, evenings, mornings....gotta keep the whole world covered here! Take care... kip

[ToddE]

Sitting at the bar at an airport right now with time to kill. Was reading through the post on this site and it just struck me as funny, where I'm at and what a trigger this use to be. I'm kind of finding if you start identifying trigger/stress situations, they start losing there steam a little bit. I had a couple glasses of soda water and some oysters. Think I'll get a walk in now, since did get a chance for any exercise this morning.

Take care, Todd