How to stop drinking

[James G]

Today marks 150 days or 5 months. I have been struggling with the thoughts of having that drink...no big real reason only to say... "Just Because". But like someone said, "It's a lot harder to get sober than staying sober" and so I go, marching onward! I look at these 150 days as a precious gift I do not want to give back!

Having the drive (anger) and determination on my own... this forum has been my other strength. Besides letting myself down I have all of you to answer to which gives me that much needed extra motivation.

Thank You All...

Every season brings on new feelings and emotions that enter into this quest of lifelong sobriety. This is why I feel it's so important to me on making it through the calendar year. This also keeps me grounded, knowing that 150 days is not even half way there.

Good luck to all of you on your own personal journey!

http://youtu.be/uJM7TdshUbw

[john48]

Good luck James:
I am on day 29, I have missed my six months twice now, just a few days short of the six months
I fell off. So tomorrow will be day 30 a pretty good mile stone but it seems to be getting harder, I
hate the person that I become when I drink, on the other hand I am so bored sober, I sleep way
to much. I hate AA so I am going it pretty much alone. So I sleep eat and go to work, I finally
got an appointment through the VA for a therapist in a week. I am white knuckling it until then.
I am hoping soon I will be able to enjoy life sober.
John

[Beth]

Good Morning all. Just need to check in. Alison reminded me how lovely this forum is. I am feeling pretty good about my recovery but even with the white knucling I slipped I have learned so much about what it takes but was blindsided. All it took was missing meals..... so simple and I forgot! Funny how simple it is not to drink....Just Don't Do It! But we sound like dramatic prima donnas with all the woes as me that we succome to. I have to stay mad at this beast! If i'm not mad then I become sad & depressed and that is just the shit the bastard is looking for!
I spent some time reading about the bodies liver.. It is interesting that even if your doctor doesn't see any physical issues, alcohol can cause a problem. I found the term Brain Fog has a connection with a problemed liver. Brain fog is defined as feelings of mental confusion or lack of mental clarity. I have been experiencing this is the morning. I wake up feeling hungover even when not drinking. You can reverse these affects with proper nutritrion. I am adding a higher grade vitamin program to my dietas well.
James, Congrats on 150!!!! Fantastic! YES, it is much easier staying sober then the Hell of getting sober.
I have been trying to recreate in my mind the way I felt back in January that brought me to SR. It was awful. The worst of the worse. If I can remember to think of that day before I decide to pick up a drink it clears up any romantic thoughts about the poision!
Alison, slow and steady really does win the race. I noticed a gap in your postings over the weekend. I am worried about your stomach issues. Please try to keep your promise of posting everyday to help in your recovery. Happy Birthday week!
John48, you got this! Stay on the bike till you meet with your counselour next week.... Prayers to you!
Welcome our new friends ww43 and soberpeter. This is a process so learn all you can about what will work for you! Sues suggestion about hard candy is helping me. I have sugar free jolly ranchers everywhere!
Take Care All!

[Ken1]

James, 5 months is incredible and congratulations for fighting the beast trying to convince you that you are OK now to have a drink! That same AV convinced me to start drinking again after 4 years sober and it has been a much tougher fight during round 2, thank God for Spiritual River and all of you to help me keep up the good fight this time.

John, you are doing great as well and you are right, it does seem to get harder after a relapse. Ruth, I believe, is the person that posted before about looking up the concept of "kindling" in recovery that helps to explain it, and I believe that the more we know about fighting this the better our chances of recovery. I have faith in you that this is your time!

ww43, welcome and please read through this thread and any others that appeal to you as you will find a great deal of collective wisdom here from people struggling with the same things you are. We have made many of the same mistakes and can really learn from one another so that we don't feel so alone in this. Please read through the articles at the main site and keep posting when ever you feel like it and as often as you feel like it. We are here for you and good luck!

soberpeter, the only thing that works for me is cold turkey and to get the booze out of my house, but I have read several books that suggest tapering off to be the way to go. They suggest to pick a quit date, either today, tomorrow, 30 days from now, whatever works for you, and to taper off your drinking until you reach that date. I know you have been around here a long time and know that there is no one size fits all approach, so good luck to you with your approach and glad to hear that you are closer than any point it the last 16 years.

Here's my mantra:

I don't drink because I choose not to. It is not a punishment, it is a choice. A choice I have made to live a better life, rather than suffer through the consequences of my binge drinking. I know that I cannot control my drinking. Moderating was like pulling out teeth, and it always led back to binge drinking eventually. I do not want to hurt any more people or myself with the consequences of my actions when I drink. I do not want to suffer the depression and exhaustion (and myriad other symptoms) that comes with a hangover. I cannot have a LIFE like that. It doesn't work. Therefore I choose not to drink. Although drinking provides some fun, a little secret world, a viable social outlet, these things are temporary and do not stack up against the negative consequences. The temporary high is not worth the cost of real freedom (life).

[Mel]

Hello all, long time no post. Fell down a rabbit-hole. Slowly climbing out. sniff. I was feeling vulnerable/stressed out/unloved/unappreciated/like a dork/a failure/bored/celebratory/self-destructive . . . and as Allison points out, most of this was only exacerbated by my return to the bottle, none of it was solved. I'm off to England (woohoo) tomorrow for a conference. And must work very very hard to stay on track - I'm at day 3. I feel better, I know that - it is just that I feel anxious without a crutch.

[bdog]

Welcome, ww43. Mel good to hear from you sorry about the fall. I was there twice since my first big push of over a month without. It is like something is missing but its like a bad relationship that you keep going back too because it makes you feel good for a short while then all hell breaks loose. Hang in there on your trip they are the hardest for me.

[Beth]

ww43, Patricks says to a 30 day commitment. No drinking for 30 days. If after 30 days you want to drink then drink, but commit to 30 days. How bout it? 10 days sober to me is a challenge so for you to make it that far should help in staying sober for 30. I have two kids a little younger than yours and that was what was helping me get to my first 30 days.....almost made it but not I said to myself, I would give my life for them but can't stop drinking for 30 days....really? Come on how pathetic are you? That is when I realized that will power isn't all of it. There is so much more to understanding what this is about.
I slept horribly last night but thought I would sleep well from pure exhaustion... Didn't happen. I will take malatonin tonight! It works for me too.
I started my new 30 days yesterday if you want to join me?

[Beth]

Hi Mel, good to see you! Good luck on your trip. Hopefully you aren't going with any drinking buddy's this way you can tell everyone your with you are nondrinker and stick with something like ginger ale and cranberry.
Check in ok? That seems to be what a few of us that have relapsed recently have forgotten to do.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all (again)
Mel! pack a rain coat! It's nasty here!
It's 7.pm and I'm going to have a nice shower and a hot cup of tea. I'm in gastric hell at the mo. My own stupid fault.
Tomorrow is another day and it's going to be a good one!!!!!
Toodle pip

[Kip]

good afternoon/evening/morning all,

day 1. of many. i finally came back today after a few weeks off and caught up reading... you folks are inspiring. so much energy and living going on here. this has not been going well... my wife and i had a huge fight after an afternoon of beer yesterday. and when i look at my calendar the clean days are surrounded by big ugly X marks. i had lunch with a dear friend today and he asked me how i was doing.. with all sincerity. he's the only one who does that in person and it is much appreciated. i am not ready to be sociable without alcohol and social opportunities are coming at me so fast i can't find a way to resist. it is very frustrating.. 3 days off 4 days on... and some bad ones at that with conflict with family and friends..

one upside at the moment is that in 2012 i have documented every day as sober or not. to me, that's a bit of awareness that much happen as a starting point. as Patrick has said it's just about massive change... i don't want to miss interaction with people and just brood at home. that's just miserable. anybody have an idea of how to get out of this bind and move ahead?

i just re-read a quote by Robin Williams, that hilarious comedian. it said that "we alcoholics can violate our standards faster than we can lower them.." i like the sharpness of that because it gives me insight into how powerful this thing alcohol can be. it is not a fight to be taken without full commitment.

sylvane, thanks for checking on me. it means a lot.....i hope you are well. welcome ww43 and all others.... going to go home and just chill with my wife and puppy dogs tonight. and think about how i can manage dinner with friends tomorrow...take care all. i hope i can pick myself up and start contributing to others' success...

[Midwest Sue]

Hello all. Welcome ww43. It sucks that alcohol is not only legal but everpresent and SO socially acceptable. It sucks that some (many) people can enjoy it in moderation and I can't. But I have to say that I am getting used to this life on the other side. In a couple of days it will be 4 months and I can finally imagine a life without drinking. I have to. I am divorced from it.

To all who struggle, here's a trick i'm learning: you have to work on loving yourself. That means digging deep, identifying your strengths and remembering the dreams you abandoned because you thought you didn't deserve to have them. You know what I'm talking about. You said "F#@k it! What's the use?" and you poured yourself a drink. It was self-indulgent to drink but it wasn't the self-care/ compassion that you needed. Big difference. Self-indulgence is giving up and doing whatever it takes to make life hurt less. Self-compassion means having faith that you're strong enough to do a better job with living.

Have faith that there is a better life around the bend. Love yourself with all of your quirks, your mistakes, your tarnished past. You are here among friends and we understand.

Sue

[nomoredayones]

I need to check in more. I think about the members of Spiritual River often but I tend to keep to myself.
I have tried AA. I really wanted to be part of the "club". First, I relapse too much for them ("stick with the winners." I am not a winner....) and second, it felt like a popularity contest. Like high school. I never did too well back then either.....
I have been at my "new" job for over a year and the stress of it is making me crazy. I don't know if it is me or the job. I really want to quit but that would be impulsive and then what would I do? I have 2 children but they are both in school. Stress makes me want to drink and lack of structure makes me want to drink. I feel like there is no middle ground.
What is going on with your stomach Alison?
That leads me to....what is everyone's motivation to stay sober? What is that driving force that makes you want to take a pass on the booze even when the craving is strong......

[Eric]

Ken1, thanks for the mantra...I think I will steal it and make it mine too. Perfect words.

Morgan, the motivation for me is my vision of the type of life I want to lead versus the type of life I was leading. The two were diverging more and more. I had become numb to everything and my health was taking a dive. I had become a person whose main characteristics were negativity and unfulfilled intentions. I finally realized that I couldn't blame my problems on the world around me and that drinking more was not going to solve any of the problems, only make them all worse. In the end, it became like Ken's mantra above - every day and every moment became a simple cost-benefit analysis about which choices were going to take me in the direction I wanted to go. The massive action that Patrick talks about is what helps me get through the inevitable uncomfortable times.

[Kat]

Congratulations Jeff on 100 days.
Hang in there Eric. we are here for you.
I made it through the weekend without drinking even though I had to go to a dinner where there was wine all around and I was constantly offered a glass. It became very annoying to me and easy to say "no".
What would have happened on a bad day is I would have accepted 2-3 drinks at the dinner and then continued drinking back at home possibly till I passed out.
As someone mentioned earlier it is so great to wake up sober and free.
Take care everyone and stay strong.

[ToddE]

ww43 & Peter, Welcome aboard.

James, v. nice on 150 days.

Lots of good posts. Keep 'em coming everyone.

I have to travel tomorrow. Business trips have been a trigger before. Its only one over night, so not too concerned.

Take care, stay strong,

-Todd

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Thank god yesterday is over! I bitter reminder that was! My stomach is still a little sore but it will get better in a few days. Alcohol is an irritant and full of acid. Over the years of heavy drinking, my stomach lining is torn (endoscopy showed that) so when I drink it's raw acid that I take. Now.....even so, this pathetic stupid woman still relapses!
Anyway...I feel coolio today. I'm turning 46 tomorrow and feel ok with that. Morgan, your situation is exactly the same as me. We need to do something about it girl!
Having a nice cup of tea and my best mate is popping round. We have a good LARF!
I'll tune in later to see how you all are.
Toodle pip.

[Beth]

Good Morning All - Stay with us. Mornnng of day 3. Are you with me ww43? Anyone else?

I have also divorced alcohol and he is was revengefull ex. But there is nothing more that can be worse than what life was.
The past month my focus and determination is living the motto: Discipline Determines Destiny. It is a powerful statement for me. As I have said, I am that spoiled child that really had a pretty easy way in life. I now realize that discipline from my parents was lacking. So with a lot of lessons learned through this process I now know - You are responsible for your actions! Period. The lame excuses I make for drinking, being lazy, and not being the best I can be, at the end of the day, are my choices. No more excuses will let me skate by. It has been a hard realization but keeping my mind determined and taking it slow and being deliberate in my actions has given me the power to continue to forge through in this process of recovery.

I am grateful that I had the power in me to have been sober yesterday and not drink today.

[JeffR1]

Hi everyone. I’m sorry to hear a number of people are doing it tough at the moment and some have experienced falling back into the grip of alcohol. Wherever you are and whatever you do, you must keeping going! It's important to keep reading and keep posting. Do not be put off by what has happened.

Nomoredayones (aka Morgan) posed what I think is a pivotal question: ‘What is everyone's motivation to stay sober? What is that driving force that makes you want to take a pass on the booze even when the craving is strong......’.

Something from one of Patrick’s articles came immediately to my mind when I read Morgan’s question – it was when Patrick wrote about ‘living a noble life’. This really struck a chord with me and has stayed with me since then.

To me, there’s something ineffable about the thought and feeling of living a noble life – a sober life. It’s not to do with being conceited at all, but rather being the best person we can be. It’s about releasing the past, embracing the now and taking the high road.

In the dictionary, noble is defined as: ‘understanding self, helping one deal, learn, know and master self’. I note also the term of ‘noble savage’ used in literature, which is described as: ‘An idealized concept of native cultures as being uncorrupted by the influences of civilization’. So, in an effort to describe living a noble life, perhaps it could be something to the effect of attaining 'uncorrupted self mastery'!

But, leaving aside the esoteric descriptions, I think this simply translates to living your authentic self - being the ‘you’, you desire to be!

To this end, I think it is very important to form a clear picture in the mind of your authentic self. Really feel the feeling and know that this is you. This will help you to come to forgive, accept and love yourself, and, help you to stay in the present moment. It will give you hope, trust and empathy for yourself, for others and for the process of life.

And best of all, it will help you to become unwilling to give any of this up for the fleeting and painful affects of alcohol. You will be free!

[john48]

Hi It is day 30 I hope I can do this I am so hurt right now my girl friend sent an awful email I think it is
over between us IDK . I have to be sober all alone. at least if I stay sober I won't make a bunch of
stupid phone calls that I won't remember and regret.
John

[Midwest Sue]

Jeff, well said, as usual!
"...Releasing the past, embracing the now and taking the high road" is really the most succinct way to describe the benefits I feel from sobriety.

Morgan, I think the driving force for me in choosing not to drink is the fear of what Carol refers to as "awakening the hibernating she-devil".

I do believe that just one drink may re-awaken my addictive voice and then I'd have to wrestle with her again. That fight would steal energy away from more useful endeavors and cause a conscience conflict that I don't want.

I see this as a healthy fear, and for me, zero tolerance is the easiest way to deal with it.

John48, I hope that you can stay strong today. You are right that drinking can only make your your reactions to your situation worse. It sounds like this may be a time for you to take note of Eric's signature quote: "For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is to let it rain." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow