1. #4781
    Midwest Sue's Avatar
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    You can do it too- you just have to be willing to feel all of those emotions you have been hiding with alcohol, and be willing to sit in that agitated, uncomfortable place, until you feel better without alcohol.

    Ruth, this may be the single most important piece of advice that newcomers can hear. Thank you for sharing it.
    The good news is that after you power through those very uncomfortable feelings, you find one day that you've developed the ability to be OK with whatever comes your way. Happy times are happier (and more memorable!) without the haze. Frustration is manageable when you face it instead of stuffing it with plans to drown it with alcohol later. Boredom is an opportunity to engage yourself in something you've neglected, like reading or exercising.

    Hope, I encourage you to be honest with your husband and ask for his support.

    I'm grateful that my husband also acknowledged his drinking problem, so we've gone through this together, but in different ways. He was actually planning to drink this weekend with our son gone, but hasn't done it so far because he doesn't want to jeopardize the incredible exercise and weight loss streak he's on. Whether or not he drinks, I've made a commitment to myself to stay the sober course. Because I know now that I'm worth it.

  2. #4782
    hope's Avatar
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    Ruth and Sue

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your good advice. I made it through yesterday so on to day 2. If I can make it through the 5 - 7 pm time, then I will be o.k. I hope everyone else out there is doing fine

  3. #4783

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    This is my very first post. I began drinking after lossing both my parents unexpectedly in a one year. It's an excuse not a reason I know. I tend to not drink on weekends, but the time from 5-8 PM every evening is a struggle for me. My husband travels and all the children are out of the house. I come home from work and start dwelling on how lonely I am and end up drinking. I would try AA but because of my job it is not an option for me. I am looking for some suggestions and support on how to get sober and stay sober without joining a community sponsored group. I am determined to do this. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
    Last edited by WillOvercome; 03-24-2012 at 08:50 AM.

  4. #4784

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    Welcome, Willovercome! In spite of the common belief that only AA can help people with addictions, I have found that online communities like this one are just as powerful, if not more so. I have been sober over 9 months with the help and support of this forum and on other that feels right to me. Sharing your experience and learning from the experiences of others is really valuable. WHen I first came here, I went back to the beginning of all the messages and read every one. I also read Patrick's articles from the home page and found a lot of strength. I am so sorry to hear about your parents, but the truth is that although alcohol seems to help in the short run, it doesn't resolve feelings, it just delays them.

  5. #4785

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    Hey everyone - welcome back to Hope and hello to Willovercome. I'm doing well on my re-commitment. Last night was a bad one, but I went to the gym and then came home and made an awesome Indian dinner. By the time I resurfaced it was past 9 and I had made it through. Today is going to be another test - cheap, amazing Mexican food and . . . a horchata (almond-milk drink) or a sugared up soda pop. No beer. And, luckily, I've never been a big margarita person. One day at a time.

  6. #4786
    Beth's Avatar
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    Welcome Willovercome, your name says it all! Yes you will overcome this!
    It sounds to me that you drink for one of the top reasons a lot of us do..... Boredom.
    You come home to an empty house and look around and say "Now what?" ..... You need something to occupy your time and get your mind off the booze. Patrick talks about massive action. For me this is difficult because as I look around I have either isolated myself from people or the people I do know are all drinkers. A friend of mine on this site suggested an online group called Meetup. I just started to see what it's about. There are groups of different interest that get together in your area. It's all about getting out there and meeting people with the same interests as you.
    Keep posting and I wish you well.

  7. #4787
    bdog's Avatar
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    Hi everyone, welcome willovercome. It has been a crazy week. three meetings with a therapist which went well. got a little text from my boss yesterday that gave me some hope i can come back to work soon. maybe this week but not sure. I have not had a drink in over a week and really have no desire to have one. the main reason is that now im scared straight. not the best way to get clean but its working for me. if i come back to work they might decide to test me and if i fail im gone for good. but im not worried about that now. just doing what Mel and some others are doing trying to stay busy busy if its cooking cleaning yard work or anything to keep busy and not give myself down time to think about drinking. take care everyone.

  8. #4788
    ToddE's Avatar
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    Hello Everyone,

    Day 13 I think. Feeling good. Made a sourdough bread yesterday, with lots of different whole grains. It came out pretty good. The wife even asked for some just now for breakfast and she does not share my love whole grain. Took the kids to karate, lunch out with them and my mother. Took the boys out fishing for the first time this year. No catches, but was fun to get out. Also got in a couple quick bike rides with the kids.

    Don't have plans for today yet other than baseball practice for the boys at one. Will probably try to get a bike ride in now, and lunch out. Thinking to grill for dinner. Have to figure something for after baseball, still but need to check with the wife if we all want to go do something.

    WillOverCome,

    Welcome aboard. I'm new here too. Joining the discussion has been helpful, for me anyway. If the AA model helps you, they have online meetings. Just search "Online AA meeting". Smartrecovery.org also has live on line meetings that are not 12 step based.

    Hope,

    Glad to have you back, even if I wasn't around the first time. Filling up your time with with other actives, has been very helpful for me also, in early recovery. I hope you stay strong and get a some more good days in.

    Stay strong everyone,

    Todd

  9. #4789
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    Bdog,

    Glad to hear your still back on the right track. I hope the therapy treatment works out well for you. Even "scared straight" to keep you going in the beginning is OK. Find what works for you now and keep looking to find what works for you long term.

  10. #4790

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    Wow! I am very appreciative and all the suggestions and tips. Was not real sure if this would be much help but I was wrong.

    Beth - Thanks for the suggestion of "meetup". I believe you are correct boredom is a big problem for me.

    ToddE - Thanks for the suggestions on the online meetings.

    I am only 2 days sober, but feeling better everyday. Tomorrow at 5pm is when my real temptation raises it's ugly head. I did start walking this weekend. I walked for 45 minutes yesterday and an hour today.

    Again thanks for the support and I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. I know I can use all the help I get. Thanks again and hope you all have a great week.

  11. #4791

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    Duplicate post. First stated failed...then appeared.
    Last edited by WillOvercome; 03-25-2012 at 03:42 PM. Reason: Duplicate post, Sorry

  12. #4792

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    Nice to see you Mel, and Billy- Willovercome, planning ahead is key. If you know a trigger is coming, plan for it, bring your own beverage, think about how much you want to disclose about whether or not you are drinking, etc. Usually a simple "no thanks" works just fine, though a white lie (diet, on antibiotics, whatever works) is what some choose. For me, I would make sure to have a drink in my hand (water, soda, coffee or whatever) and just say "no, I'm fine, thanks" and that was that. It is amazing how little people really care about how much others are drinking! Who knew??

  13. #4793
    Takes massive action daily

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    Well, four months have come and gone...122 days sober to be exact. I'm continually learning how to live my days without adding alcohol to it. Lately I will admit have been struggling with thoughts of giving in, but those thoughts are not nearly as strong as the mind set I have of cherishing these past four months of sobriety, and continuing on each day forward.

    I am truly amazed on the alcohol culture I/we live in. For me that's the tough thing. Soooooo much alcohol influences in our daily lives. You can't get away from "IT" you just need to learn how to live with 'IT" all around you... Wherever you turn...there "IT" is!

    Like others have said and I agree, business trips or gatherings are brutal. For me that has been one o my biggest temptations by far. Every battle I get through without giving in gives me strength to win this war. It truly is a battle of attrition. Slowly breaking down and weakening the urge of 'IT" until your true self rules over "IT" Now that's freedom!

    Anyway, for me to continue on with this life of sobriety I must dwell on all the positives to this point... which are plenty. The emotional wrestling and pain associated with this commitment far out weight the real physical and emotional pain related to choosing to drink.

    Thanks for all of you who post...I can honestly say I would not be this far along on my journey if I didn't connect to this site on a regular basis.

    Stay Strong All!!!!

  14. #4794

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    James !!!! That is an amazing feat - congratulations. I really look forward to the point when I can get that many days strung together. Tonight I am grading papers, and the state of knowledge is sooooo depressing that in the past I would have given up and be drowning in gin. I am choosing to get my work done and look forward to feeling good tomorrow. For me it is having to trust in tomorrow and it being good . . . that has always been the hard part. But I'm trying.

  15. #4795

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    Quiet day today, hope everyone's doing ok. Mel, glad you're doing well on your recommitment and James, woo hoo on 4 months! Hi to Sylvane and Ruth and all y'all. bdog, we've got your back. It's so good to hear your job/boss are supporting you in this. Sometimes it takes the stakes being so high, so real, and so in your face to make it happen. I had finally told myself I'd go to rehab if that's what it would take to keep me from killing myself by drinking. Good luck!

  16. #4796
    hope's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
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    Hi everyone - and welcome to willovercome. You will be able to over-come - just never stop trying. I have been falling and getting back up for about a year, but I have had enough of falling. Had a good night on Friday - yoga class at the witching hour (good advice from y'all), and up early for a hike on Saturday. I was all raring to go to finish off 2 days on Saturday night, when just when I was about to serve dinner, my hubbie decided he had to go to the hardware store for something that just couldn't wait. By the time he got back home, I had finished off a bottle of wine and I can't even describe how upset I was with myself on Sunday. Way more than my usual upset and I think it was because I was sure that I could quit this time and bombed after only 1 day. I know I can't blame him or anyone/anything for setting me off - so I am back at it - day 2 today - yoga class again tonight. I was almost going to quit posting because I felt like such a failure, but for so many of you the posting - and the being honest to others - seems to have worked, so... sorry for my keyboard ranting - I hope that by doing this, my journey will help someone else out there - so many of your posts have helped me so much!

  17. #4797
    Midwest Sue's Avatar
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    Hello,
    This weekend was a tough one for me and I'm not exactly sure why. I made it through ok but Mabel was doing her best to capture my attention and lead me to the bottle. Is it because I was celebrating 3 months of sobriety? It's like the evil voice was saying, "Ok, fine, you've proven that you can stay sober, but you KNOW that deep down you really WANT a drink! Come on, give in and just DO IT! What's the worst that could happen?"

    Fortunately, the reasonable voice in me (aided by all of the experienced voices in this forum) was able to ignore Mabel and I stuck with my diet Dr. Pepper.

    Today I decided to make an appointment with a counselor. I realize that there is a lot of resentment I'm carrying that I may need to bounce off of a neutral 3rd party.

    So far, massive change has meant doing whatever it takes to not drink, but as time goes on I can see that I really need to work on healing and inner growth in order to be balanced, happy and sober.

  18. #4798

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    Mar 2012
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    Dayton, Ohio
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    Ruth thanks for the encouragement and suggestions. I took you advice and planned ahead and avoid that first drink this evening.

    Hope, I know how you feel. I can't tell you how many times I have been in your shoes.

  19. #4799
    hope's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
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    willovercome - we are in this together - starting the journey at the same time - and anyone else out there who is 'lurking'please join us in the daily struggle. It is 4:30 pm here on the pacific west-coast, so the other woman should be showing up soon - I have my strategies planned out - so please send your prayers/positive energy and I will do the same for all of you. Thank you Mid-West Sue for sharing your struggles - and how you overcame them. Congratulations on your success - and everyone else out there who is celebrating freedom - I am not very good at remembering names when I am typing my message so please don't feel that I haven't paid attention to all of your postings.....Morgan - are you o.k.?

  20. #4800

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    Hope, I have added you to my daily prayer list. It helps me to know that someone else is or has struggled with the same problem. So many times I have had the best intentions only to open the door and let the other woman in. Hang tough. I know WE can do this.

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