It is good to see you back Kevin.Originally Posted by kevin2
It is good to see you back Kevin.
Morgan
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
Kimber, I'm so happy to hear how well you're feeling!
Kevin, good to hear from you also. Yes, life is simpler without the bottle anchor. So true.
Alison, I hope you're still enjoying sunshine and daily walks. Glad to hear your mate is joining you.
Yesterday I cleaned out my car and found the receipt from the last bottle I bought, on Dec 24. I decided to save it because it reminds me of the shame I felt in the liquor store, spending my last $10 on a 1.5 liter bottle of cheap white zin in order to "keep the addiction at bay" on Christmas Eve. (Funny how since quitting I haven't been down to a last $10 again.)
I've now made it sober through Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, my wedding anniversary, my birthday, and St. Patrick's Day. Not to mention dozens of daily 6 pm arrivals home from work.
My biggest challenge is in front of me. Our teenage son is leaving today on a 5 day trip with a school group. My husband has said he will drink during this time, mostly to calm his nerves because he has never been separated from our son for more than 2 days, and never by this much distance. If booze is in the house in front of me and I don't need to worry about being a role model, I know I'll be tempted. I hope my husband has a change of heart and doesn't break his sober streak, but I'm planning strategies for staying dry because the only behavior I can control is mine.
Have a beautiful day, all, and don't drink today!
Sue
Hi Carol,
Nice to hear from you my friend. Today is day 31 for me and tomorrow (Friday) is Dr's appointment. I agree with what you said and I am worried about that exact scenario. Getting complacent; but I'm going to take the high road and if the results are good and say, see, not drinking has a lot more benefits then drinking. I've also been telling myself over and over again that I DON'T want to start all over again. For what; a quick buzz that only last after the 1st drink, maybe 10 minutes, and then just continuing to drink until I TRY and get that buzz back; and then have to pay the consequenses of the guilt, feeling like s..t, etc. It's just not worth it!
As for Vegas, I'm trying to fill up all my days off with activities that don't revolve around drinking (i.e., trip to Hoover Dam, nice restaurants etc). I'm not trying to kid myself, this will be very difficult, and I actually thought of coming up with an excuse to cancel, but one has to live there life and still enjoy the moment, even if it doesn't revolve around booze. I mean how can I turn down an all expense paid trip to Vegas??
Nice to hear from you all and keep fighting the good fight. It is well worth it!
Hi everyone. It’s Friday morning and I was up at 4.40am! Crazy in some ways that I’m still waking early as I would have thought my sleep pattern may have settled a bit more by now. I guess my body is coping with it as I’m mostly feeling okay during the day. I’m trying not to get too frustrated about it and I’m grateful for the fact that I’m going off to sleep easily enough and I’m waking up clear-headed.
Work has been busy for me over the past three weeks and I have some time in lieu, so I have Monday as a rostered day off – I’m looking forward to the weekend. I’m also grateful to say that until I just typed that sentence I hadn’t even thought about having a long weekend and seeing it as an opportunity to drink. I know I’m going to be sober and be grateful for it!
I see my chiropractor again next Wednesday and it will be 11 weeks of sobriety; I look forward to being able to share that with her (nb. my chiropractor is helping me with the use of neuro-emotional technique so she knows my situation and goal to remain sober). I still find the use of progressive goal setting very helpful, although I’m finding times that I have to count back a bit to know what day I’m on! I very pleased to have to do that as I take it to mean that I’m making progress.
Kimber: 11 days is great – congratulations. Spending time with our children sober really is a blessing. That’s so good your daughter is enjoying you sober too! I don’t think it matters how old they are, our children just want us to be safe, happy and healthy, and they know when we drink these things are at risk, so they worry. You mentioned you’ve previously achieved 16 days of sobriety. I’d like to suggest you set yourself a goal for 20 days! Then when you reach 20 days, you’ll only be a day away from 3 weeks. Three weeks would only be a week away from a month and so forth. I like the idea of setting mini-goals as it helps to keep me motivated and I have that next goal to aim for. Best wishes.
Midwest Sue: You are doing so great – congratulations. I gain a lot of inspiration from you, your progress and your posts. You have made it through sober a lot of potentially big drinking celebration times; so much there to be proud of. Your husband has been doing really great also. I imagine it would clearly be of concern to you that he has said he will drink while your son is away. When reading, I remembered your post about you and your son’s trip away when things went terribly wrong because of alcohol. I don’t mention this to bring up old memories, but that perhaps you could talk with your husband with a view to being supportive of each other in staying sober while your son is away. I’m guessing you are really proud of your husband’s sobriety also. Perhaps you could both come up with some strategies to alleviate your husband’s worry about your son being away and the things you could do to be sober together. Best wishes. PS: I really like your avatar!
Billy: Congratulations on 31 days – like I’ve said to others, that’s 1 month in anyone’s language! One month is a huge milestone and one to be very proud of. I hear what you are saying – and thinking – about getting your medical results. You are so right that it is just not worth it to drink! That ‘It’ voice can be cunning, so it’s great that you are planning ahead to stay sober. Regarding Vegas, it’s also great that you are planning ahead to stay sober. And, when at Hoover Dam, remember: follow your dam tour guide, take plenty of dam photos and buy some dam souvenirs!(from the National Lampoon movie.) Best wishes.
Hi to everyone. I trust everyone is doing okay. Remember to keep reading and keep posting; doing so helps each of us! Have a great sober day. Best wishes. Jeff
It is morning here (on a business trip) and I feel great. I have been very stressed lately to the point of feeling physical pain from it. It has been a struggle to not take the drinking route to relieve the pain. Even though now, the drinking only adds to the stress. (It is funny how alcohol stops working, but we keep chasing the elusive benefit). Instead, I decided to make good use of my savings and took a 2 hour hot stone massage last night. Woke feeling great. Hopped right into my morning meditation followed by some yoga. It is amazing how good the effects of making the right decisions can be. I am so grateful not to be suffering from a hangover and a night of bad sleep.
Hi there everyone.
Day 10, I think. Physical effects are pretty much over it seems. I've never had much trouble sleeping. I wouldn't say I'm having emotional swings, so much as it takes getting use experiencing raw emotion (when your use to them have been chemically altered). I don't remember how long that has taken to settle in for me, on other dry spells.
Right now I am just concentrating on not drinking. Been reading a lot of posts and sight articles here. I agree with finding something to do to challenge your self and grow as a person. I believe there were also reference to complacency being an enemy to long term sobriety. Both of these ideas fit my personal philosophy pretty closely.
Last year I went almost eight months sober, before I fell off. I never researched one thing on alcholism, but I did take up baking pretty extensively. I figured I needed something to fill my time with. I'm kind of a foodie. I also used to make cookies and basic white bread as a kid. As an atheist I am not that comfortable with the term spiritual, but it is to me bread baking could be described as how others would use that word. It connects me to a time before I was addicted to alcohol. Kneading of the dough is therapeutic. The smell of the baking bread is very nice. There is more to it also, but I don't know the right way to describe it. I do know smell memories have something to them, again I don't know how to describe it though.
I learned a bunch of string tricks too last time (my kid were into them at the time). I wanted to start a blog, something food related, but never did. Looking back in I can see I was more on filling time by the end. I have plenty of time to work that out on this run. I would like it to be my final attempt (because it succeeds). I have started back up on baking. It helps. Writing my thoughts out here, seems to help too.
Billy,
Hoover dam sound like a good non drinking situation for your Vegas trip. If you haven't gone there before, the Red Rock Canyon, is pretty close and worth the drive. Good luck. Stay strong.
Eric,
Just saw your post now. Great for you. Business travel is also one of my biggest hard times. I've had several good runs end that way. I'm so glad to hear about someone else succeeding. Stay strong.
-Todd
Hi all. I thought it was about time I switched to the main thread after gentle prodding by Jeff as its now my 7th day clean and sober. Slept well last night but I woke early this morning which is unusual and for the first time in 7 days it didn't feel like I was climbing out of a pit to get myself awake. Although I didn't too much mind that feeling as it felt better than a hangover. My warmest thanks to Jeff and others who have helped me to start my path to sobriety and I must not forget my wife who is an amazing support all the time. She isn't a drinker but but has gently pushed me in the right direction untill I realised for myself that I had no control over my drinking and came to terms with that.
Something else struck me about this site and this is a real testament to Patrick's commitment and the true sincerity of his belief in sobriety and willingness to help others to achieve it. No charge for support or advice and no miracle cures offered. Anybody who has desperatley searched the internet for answers to their alcohol problems can get no end of miracle cures and assurances that by using this or that secret technique known only to the site holder who always claims to be a reformed alcoholic and a few priviliged others you will be able to painlessly give up alcohol tommorow with no side effects and no chance you will ever relapse. Theres no catch here as long as you send me £199 ($350 or thereabouts). This is a once in a lifetime discounted price. Strikes me there are no depths to which some scumbags will sink to try to part vulnerable people from their money.
Thanks again, not just to Patrick but to all of you, this is a fantastic community and you guys and the main website have been an inspiration to me since the day I decided to become sober.
Stu
I am staying sober but feeling very alone....
Morgan
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
Here's something I'd like to share with Morgan and anyone else who may be struggling a bit today.
A Powerful Three-Step Algorithm for Happiness
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Today I’m going to share a really simple secret that can make your day instantly better. If you’re feeling down, it can make you happier, all day long.
It’s something I’ve been trying myself, with great results.
It’s three steps, and anyone can do them. This is an algorithm that can be repeated over and over, all day long. It starts with a basic assumption: that we are all human beings capable of goodness, of love, of pain, of broken hearts and passionate love. That we all have bad days, that inside our jaded exteriors is a person who just wants love.
More here: http://zenhabits.net/3-steps/
Morgan we become lonely because we expect others to fill the void we should be filling ourselves. I get very lonely sometimes too, especially when my kids are with their dad. So I try to plan, like you did last week, to do things for me. I have a ritual for Friday nights after I drop them off. If I have no plans, then it is extreme self care night. I order MY favorite foods, lounge in the tub as long as I want, watch MY favorite shows, & go to bed early.
If you haven't made a list of things you really want to do just for you, then that would be a great goal. And then when you are feeling, sad or lonely take 1 proactive step towards the goal. Lets say you always wanted to go on safari, just researching it a bit will get you 1 step closer, and thats a great feeling
Thanks Sue, I have an interview today and was feeling a little edgy. I'm printing that off and taking it with me!
Last edited by fiona; 03-23-2012 at 08:40 AM.
Hi everyone
I'll try posting again here - I was feeling too vulnerable to put myself 'out there', but the tone of the forum seems really safe right now - so here goes. Morgan, I hope you are really proud of yourself for sticking to it - it must feel so good to be free.
I have had some stretches of non-drinking days - but back to every night again and I am feeling a little hopeless. I have a great set of strategies that I plan during the day when I promise myself I will not touch a drop - and then someone else seems to take over my body around 5:30 every evening and I feel like I have no control over her. I wake up at 3:00 am swearing at myself and wondering how the heck did it happen again. I have had enough of this and I am so desparate to get this woman who shows up every evening out of my life!!
Thank you Sylvane - that is good advice. My husband in all his kindness buys cases of wine. I have tried telling him to stop because if it is in the house, I will drink it and I don't want to. He works a lot and I think this is his way of keeping me 'happy' - he doesn't realize how much I drink - I pretend to have a glass with dinner, meanwhile I have a bottle going in the laundry room - I always replace the bottles, so it looks like I am not having much. Then I proceed to fall asleep- aka pass out - watching television.
Not a good existence and something has to change or nothing will change. I am so inspired by everyone's postings and cheer you all on every day and I keep telling myself if you can all do this, then I can too.....
Strategy for today: get to know the woman who shows up at 5:00 - get rid of alcohol in the house
Glad you posted again hope. I don't know anything about you or your situation really, but it was very similar with me, that at around 6:30 or 7:00 every evening is when I would always start,...the whole rest of the day felt like I was just biding my time (just getting through) until drinking time and the anxiety would escalate until I opened that first one,...then I'd wake up the next morning in the same way as you. The one thing that has been big for me is finding something to do that keeps me busy and occupied during that time frame. I volunteered to coach my son's LL baseball team,..take my daughter's to ice-skating lessons,..my other son to cub-scouts,..and on a now rare evening when I don't have something scheduled I go to the gym or swimming with the kids,...but I am now never just idle and alone during my trigger time. After 8:00 comes, the strong desire has passed,...I then eat, get the kids ready for bed, watch some TV or read,..and go to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep,..and wake up feeling awesome. It is a must that you get into a non-drinking routine,..it will suck at first and you will think there is no way I can stick with this,..but commit yourself to things that you feel "obligated" to follow through with. It won't be long until you start really enjoying them,...you will start gaining confidence and feeling good about yourself, those feelings start snow-balling,..the thoughts of drinking become less frequent,..and you are on your way. Your thinking will start to change where you start really loving and appreciating life and the way you feel,..and start looking at drinking for what it really is,..an anchor that just holds you down,..and a nasty way of life that you won't want to go back to. It's my birthday today and from my best count I'm at 20 days with a previous string of 70+ days, so somewhere around 98 of the last 100 or so,..and what I've said has been vital for me. Best wishes and best of luck to all of you,...stay strong today!
Happy Birthday Kevin2 - and thank you for the encouraging words. My successful days have beens ones where I have to be out doing something - it is the boredom, loneliness and end of day fatigue that I think are the sources of my downfall. I'll keep posting and hopefully being accountable to all the people reading and posting on this forum will help me rack up those days - Congratulations on 90 + days and to all of you who keep on posting long after you have been successful - thank you for that. I really appreciate the fact that you could just move on to the next phase of your sober lives, but you have been selfless, kind and encouraging to keep letting the rest of us know that it can be done and how much better life is without the alcohol. Those messages mean so much to me
Happy birthday, Kevin! Enjoy your weekend.
Happy bday Kevin!
Last edited by Ken1; 03-23-2012 at 04:15 PM.
Happy Birthday Kevin.... 98% is a great gift to you.
You have great enthusiasm! Love hearing how you are learning and growing.
Hope, John, ToddE, and Morgan never quit quitting. I am now at the point that the urges and white knuckling have changed to a reflex response which is so much easy to control when I see it coming on.
Eric, I so feel your physical pain and am so jealous of your 2 hour stone massage. The physical pain from stress is unbearable and like Marie has said that one drink could "fix" that pain..... But getting a massage is so much better and less costly in the long run! I will be making an appointment soon!
Jeff, you made me smile about getting larger pants to ride! Great reward to yourself for your sobriety. Keep us informed on your adventures on that bike!
Sue, Congrats on your celebrations of 90 days today. Cheering you on to triple digits!
Well, it's 5:30 my time (Pacific Northwest) and that woman who usually shows up about now is going to a yoga class! I wish all of you a good night
Hope, I will tell you how I got sober- I realized that alcohol was making the decisions in my life, not me- I planned social events around alcohol, shopping trips, which restaurant to go to, you name it, alcohol factored in to all the decision making. When I finally saw who I had become ( a minor event, really, that involved not sharing a bottle of wine I had brought with me to a beach bonfire) I knew I had to face facts. I sat my husband and kids down and made a commitment to myself in front of them. I clued them in, not because I was doing it for them, but because I felt more accountability if they knew. I had been too ashamed to admit to anyone but myself that I had a problem, and plenty of people scoffed, since they have no way of knowing that I did have a problem. Anyway, I made a list of all the stupid things I have done drunk, and looked at it in the cold, hard light of day. The first few weeks took an iron will, and lots of grapefruit soda, and there were some desperate moments, but I powered through them, and things got easier. Now I am free from alcohol's push and pull. I never would have believed this could happen, but it did, and I made it happen. You can do it too- you just have to be willing to feel all of those emotions you have been hiding with alcohol, and be willing to sit in that agitated, uncomfortable place, until you feel better without alcohol. I recommend tea and chocolate, and lots of hot baths and trips to the spa! Just keep your eyes on the prize each day- I would wake up and dedicate to myself that this day I wouldn't drink- one day at a time. You can do it.
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