It is the start of day 6 for me. I still have insomnia but I feel so much better. The weekends can be tough from a sobriety standpoint but I am planning a lot of activities with my kids so that helps with sobriety.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
It is the start of day 6 for me. I still have insomnia but I feel so much better. The weekends can be tough from a sobriety standpoint but I am planning a lot of activities with my kids so that helps with sobriety.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Morgan
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
Originally Posted by John
John, thanks for mention of the Power of Habit. I just downloaded to Kindle and will report back as soon as i read it. It sounds fascinating.
Morgan - so glad to hear that things went well at the doc's, but even more so - yeaaah!! 6 days. I know that others have def. experienced insomnia / sleep trouble especially in the first two weeks of getting sober, so keep at it and hopefully you will find your body's clock getting back on track.
Doing well. Jacquie - were you the one mentioning gluten issues? I ate white flour for the first time in over a month - and today I feel awful, so I'm thinking that is a trigger and beer has gluten. One of my new friends (who drinks very heavily and very quickly when drinking) revealed the other day that her dad died of cirrhosis last year . . . I didn't say anything, but then she brought up the fact that she had noticed that I wasn't drinking and how she wants to cut back. I encouraged her to work on setting goals and then working at not drinking or finding alternatives. In this case the 'attention-pointing' to my lack of drinking was in a good way, so that made me feel all puffed up. Getting over this cold and back to working out. Take care everyone this Friday, and keep thy weekends clean.
Jeff, thanks for your note, you are an amazing member of the family here and I wanted to acknowledge that. I know how long it must take you to address your posts to so many here, and the information you share shows not only compassion but wisdom. It also shows your true commitment to not only your own sobriety but also by reaching out and helping others in need and pain you are taking it a step further. Patrick teaches us that taking that step is a huge part of recovery and you are doing an outstanding job of it. I look forward to your posts and appreciate you sharing your knowledge with us. Hope you have a great long weekend!
Marie, I wanted to point out another thread to you, In the Water Cooler forum, there is a thread called Random Acts of Kindness where you can post good deeds such as the one you told us about here. Nice job on that by the way, truly inspirational!
Allison, bummer to here your vacation was spent recovering, hope you feel better soon.
John, thanks for the mention of that book, sounds exactly like what we all need. I look forward to hearing if Millie thinks it is worth purchasing (no pressure!).
I hope you all have a great morning and woke up sober, if not then let today be the day to get it going.
"Comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, then a master. And then it becomes a tamer, and with a hook and whip it makes puppets of your larger desires." -- Kahlil Gibran, Poet, Visual Artist
Ken, you are also a valued member of this family and I so appreciate you thoughtful posts and quotes. Today's quote about comfort... wow. Just substitute the word alcohol.
I have a question for all of you.
Have you ever asked the people closest to you, those who observed your drinking, to tell you what they saw and how it affected them?
I know that this is an important event in rehab. I have wondered lately if this would help me to strengthen my resolve by adding to my own dark but fading memories. Of course there is a risk that the truth will hurt, but it could be an opportunity to open the topic and begin to make amends.
There is also a risk that I did such a good job of masking my drinking that at least some of my loved ones will question whether I had a problem, and that's the last thing I need right now.
Any thoughts on this?
I'm back after a long absence, and wow, my head is spinning just getting caught up with all the old post and new members. What a great, diverse group of people from all stages of progress towards the ultimate goal we all share...FREEDOM! Today is 18 days sober, and for those who remember me, this is a very proud feat, and I'm no where near done!!
Just want to say a big hello to my old friends still posting:
Justin: It's been a long time man! Great job...50 days sober...thats friggen awesome. Go back and read some of your old post if you ever get the urge...that should stop them cold (lol). I'm so happy for you!
Ken: My long time friend. "Super Moderator", i'm impressed; and you still remeber the "keyboard therapy". It really does work!
Hi to my old friends still posting: Carol, the ever sweet Erin, Mel, Kimber ("...what a long strange trip its been..." - from Truckin by The Grateful Dead), Sylvane, Samantha, Dreamweaver, Peter, and all the others...it feels good to be back !!
To all my new friends, I hope to get to know you also, so we care all share in this most important journey of our lives.
Sue,
As I have mentioned a few times, what brought me to this forum was not that I was addicted, but the addiction of someone I love. And what kept bringing me back to this thread was the complete honesty, and insight and wisdom of the people who post here. And just my need to "get" something that I just couldn't fully understand. And because of everyone here I think I am about as close to understanding as I can get without living it. But everyday there is something new to learn.
So I would like to answer your question as someone who would love to have this conversation. For staters, it will likely have to be an on going conversation because you may not get complete honesty the first go round. The reason being no matter how much we tell ourselves we can't control you, that your choices are yours, there is a sense of responsibility that something we may do or say may knock you off your bike. You have really been on this journey to sobriety alone. Mabel, Melvin, whoever, are yours. We on the outside can support, but we can never fully understand. It's kind of like sitting on the bench and then being asked to play. Its a little confusing at first. Give us time ...but keep asking.
I can tell you for me, it was not the events that hurt as much as watching him hurt himself. Its like having a really sick child that you want so desperately to help that you will try ANYTHING. And feeling like a failure because you can't. It wasn't until this forum that I really got a grasp on how loud and determined that STUPID IT voice can be. I think the hardest thing to understand when you love someone who is addicted, that STUPID IT has the power to undermine love and commitment and everything true to the relationship. Because I know I wouldn't have let anything get in the way of us. I took a lot personally at first, when he would bounce between himself and Melvin because i was always kept off kilter. There was denial that he would eventually get it together. But the thing was, I ALWAYS knew when I was dealing with Melvin, and it changed how I did things. Sometimes I was resentful, sometimes I was angry and held it in, sometimes I enabled, and a lot of times, early on, I was able to call Melvin out and bring my bf back to reality. But I learned Melvin didn't like reality, I represented reality, so Melvin took a lot out on me, or just avoided me, which wash't any better.
For me, Melvin is the addict. He will always be a part of the xbf like a mole on his ass. The authentic man is NOT the addict. He has been beaten and abused and become very small from the lies of the addict. When he is ready he will fight him. Like everyone on here. I have come to learn on here that the winning lies in the willingness to fight and letting the authentic self be heard.
I can also tell you as a loved one, its hard to express the pride and joy of your accomplishments for fear of putting too much pressure on you, because we know how much pressure you put on yourself.
I doubt you masked your drinking that well, I'm guessing those who would tell you they didn't see a problem are either trying to be nice or don't want the light of honesty shown back on them!
Speaking as a loved one, and someone who has come to adore the people on this forum, I/we know without a shadow of a doubt that the AUTHENTIC YOU is not the addict. We always have faith in you. And our biggest wish is that you could see yourself with as much compassion as you show others, and with the love we feel for you.
Last edited by fiona; 03-09-2012 at 10:35 AM.
Thanks Fiona. I am having a tough day (for a variety of reasons) and this really touched me - I needed to hear that. Thank you for expressing this care so eloquently. I'm going to work today at being the Authentic Me, on as many levels as I can. Thanks for being a part of this place.
(PS . . . Billy!!!!! 18 Days!!!! Enough said, glad to see you back on the forum)
Hello to all, I am new here and have been reading for a couple of hours, both Patrick's site information and forum threads. The group seems very supportive and helpful and I really like Patrick's straightforward 'how to's' on getting this problem beat. So....I'm in and starting today....I haven't 'started again' for quite some time as I had been having a long streak of self fooling that I could 'moderate' but every day and week that has gone by since my last real effort (8 days last summer) and no moderation has occurred. Time to face my own reality.
Sue, I have to agree with Fiona in that none of us are that good at acting. I thought I was hiding it, but have you ever been around people that are drinking when you are not? They are loud, obnoxious, irritating, they have booze on their breath, slur their words, and all the other stereotypical behaviors you can imagine. The people around us that either enabled us or didn't say anything and were hoping we would outgrow it, realize what we were doing and change, or loved us and just were afraid to say anything. I thought I had everyone fooled but I was the real fool. We thought we had it all under control, but we were lying to ourselves. Whether people believe it is a disease or a choice, by the grace of God we found each other here and are working on taking our control back.
I heard a new term today: Euphoric Recall. Basically recalling the benefits of drinking without all of the negative. A lot of the time, it's not necessarily "euphoric" recall either. Much of the time, it's just lack of recalling all of the negativity. How soon we forget all the carnage left it our wakes by our drinking to not only ourselves but our careers and families. Our sneaky alcoholic voice is something you can never let your guard down around, it can and will show up when you least expect it. The best way I've found is to journal, stay realistic, prepare in advance for urges, and be prepared to stop that stinking thinking by using the "stop thought method", actually saying stop it and changing your thoughts to something else immediately or you will be waking up to another day 1!
Billy! Billy! Billy! Welcome back and don't be such a stranger! Keyboard therapy has changed my life, thanks man!
Hi everyone. Fiona – wow! Such an amazing, open and straight from the heart post; thank you. You have captured and conveyed some really pivotal and poignant elements from the perspective of those people in our life affected by our drinking. I think it is true also to say that as much as those close to the alcoholic may not understand what keeps them drinking, the alcoholic often does not understand the sense of responsibility those close to us feel.
Sue, I can only speak from my perspective, not only as someone who was controlled by alcohol, but also as the child of a recovering alcoholic. Although I haven’t directly asked my daughter what she saw when I was drinking or how it affected her, we have talked about my drinking on a number of occasions. She is very pleased I no longer drink and I have seen her relief and excitement as the number of sobriety days increased – she would also know how many days I was at earlier on. Often enough now she also asks how many days I’m at. Once, a couple of weeks back, she saw me drinking a can of Coke and thought it might have been alcohol. I could see the look of concern on her face as she asked if I was drinking. I think Fiona has really hit it on the head when she says those close to us are sometimes reluctant to say anything to us for fear of knocking us off our bike.
Very briefly, as the child of a recovering alcoholic, I also think Fiona was so on the money when she wrote: “I can also tell you as a loved one, its hard to express the pride and joy of your accomplishments for fear of putting too much pressure on you, because we know how much pressure you put on yourself.” I would simply like to say that my dad’s sobriety is enough for me!
Welcome, Patty... you are in a safe place here. Immerse yourself!
Thanks Marie; I'll be reading a bit and taking it all in as I don't have much to say. Yet.
Fiona, thank you so much for your heartfelt response. You are wise and it hurts me to know how much you were (and still are) injured by the behavior of your bf.
I am sure you are right that it would not be easy for people to tell me what I think I am ready to hear. And I do know they are quietly so proud of me. Knowing that is a big motivator for me to stay the course. The bottom line is that I still need to fight my own very personal battle with Mabel, who doesn't care about the people I love.
Let me repeat a recent sentiment from this forum: you guys are damn lovely!
Today I am sober and at the moment I'm enjoying a nice cup of chai tea. Ahhh...
I got my blood tests results back late today. All normal (including liver enzymes.) I am relieved......
Morgan
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
"I got my blood tests results back late today. All normal (including liver enzymes.) I am relieved...... "
Fantastic - I'm very happy for you. Now you can get busy living sober, knowing your body can only improve!
I'm very proud of myself tonight - I've just done a Friday night AND a Saturday night home alone, with no alcohol... easily. Walked lots, took my parents out for dinner (and watched other restaurant goers drink copious amounts of alcohol), and enjoyed myself immensely. My parents don't drink, so sipping water with them over dinner was great.
I think it is the end of day 6. Woo Hoo!
Hi everyone. It's late Sunday morning here and it's day 60 for me! Interesting enough, today has seen a range of emotions surfacing within me; some feel good and some feel not so good.
Whilst on one hand I feel proud of my achievement to date, I think it has also brought up some painful memories from the past. I'm positive I will remain sober today; I guess I just need to allow the feelings to be with me without too much resistance and they should pass.
That said, I'm also feeling some contrasting energies which feel good, but it's like I just don't know what to do with my day. I've got some uplifting music playing in the house (Sacred Spirit), and although it's a nice day outside, I actually feel like doing some housework! Weird, but hey, I've heard it said that cleaning the house also helps with cleaning out the mind. It might help to work off some of the emotional energy I'm feeling also!
Morgan: Fantastic news about your blood tests. I'm sure that will help to relieve some of the worry you had about what effects alcohol may have had on your body. Now, onwards and upwards as they say. You can do it.
Marie: Congratulations on day 6 - you really can be proud of yourself! Great stuff. Keep it going and before you know it you'll be feeling better and better each day.
Patty:Welcome to the forum. It really is a great place to get support and guidance from caring, understanding and non-judgmental people who know what you are going through. Keep reading and keep posting. Best wishes.
Billy: Welcome back to the forum and congratulations on 18 days! I remember your name from reading all the back-posts. I think many of us here use your term 'keyboard therapy' - I know I certainly do and I get my therapy in as often as I can! Best wishes.
Ken: Thank you for the kind words. This really is a great forum and it helps me so much; if I can give something back, that is the least I can do. I'm often inspired by members' posts and if I can help anyone in even the smallest sense that is a privilege to me. Thanks again.
Best wishes to everyone. I had a thought yesterday about how people sometimes say they don't feel good enough about themselves and don't think they have anything much to offer. I believe everyone is good enough and has something to offer, but if you find you are having difficulty in getting in touch with the 'inner you' I remembered a website that I like which helps you to identify your key strengths of character (as well as a number of other aspects of self).
The site is called 'Authentic Happiness', and it is described as:
"Authentic Happiness is the homepage of Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and founder of positive psychology, a branch of psychology which focuses on the empirical study of such things as positive emotions, strengths-based character, and healthy institutions."
I can really recommend the VIA Survey of Character Strengths as a great tool for learning about the self. It is a survey of 240 questions you answer and then you are provided with a report outline of your main strengths of character. There's also lots of other surveys and tools to help you gain further insight to 'you'. Occasionally, you can also participate in on-line research programs if you wish. I think it is a great site and resource.
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.up...u/Default.aspx
Have a great sober weekend everyone. Best wishes.
Hi friends....finally catching up on reading after a busy week.. Always inspiring and the energy is just amazing.. A very human and humane sitE, this place..
Of late, things have been a bit bumpy on the sobriety road.. A few days, then a slip. And the opportunities keep coming faster than I recall earlier in the year. Not to mention I am creating them in my distorted view that I can manage this. Case in point..went for a lovely mountain drive in my toy car yesterday..just my wife and I..(crazy wiener dogs stayed home..!) did a little shopping in a town en route then a pub stop for a snack.. I had two IPAs and stopped there.. Just stopping at 2 is a change in itself.. Reached home tired w a stomach ache.. Good news is tolerance is lower than the past so I more clearly see the downside of that 10 min buzz. It sucks. And at least I haven't given up giving up. That's a question my wife asked me yesterday and I replied.."no, just want to enjoy a beer with you.." crazy. but, truth be told, the plan was in my mind all morning. Damn, this thing is powerful..
I don't want to come here, cap in hand, begging for help. It feels much better to celebrate sobriety and try to help others. This just feels so selfish.. To that end let me say welcome to newcomers and those who returned after an absence. For those in early days let's work together and draw inspiration from the long timers like Jeff - day 60 rocks... Go wind out that R1 and treat yourself!
Today I will ride my bike all day, stay sober, and think of my brave Japanese friends one year after the 3/11 tragedy.. がんばれ日本... I hope all of you have a wonderful week..
Day 108 today...starting to need a calculator to add up but for me the fight is starting to feel has though it's just begun.
Yesterday I had to do the suggested SHOUT out load technique. Seemed to put me back on course along with a nice tasty cup of gourmet coffee.
Long term is a completely different animal than putting together days in a row...but you can't have long term until you first stop drinking one day at a time.
Changing yourself into a better you is what it is all about...and man can we be stubborn with our old self at times...
Kip, I can relate to what you're going through. I keep thinking about having that IPA in a glass thinking in a self denial kind of way that it's really not over.
That is "IT" talking though ...not me !
Hang in there all.
"So satisfied I'm on my way"
http://youtu.be/uJM7TdshUbw
Jeff, Congratulations on making it to 60 days! It's a big milestone, in my opinion. I have also spent time this weekend cleaning the house and yes, it does help to clear the mind. I have also identified some small projects that I will tackle when I have some free time -- times when I would normally be tempted to drink.
Kip, I am glad to see you here! Please know that everything you're sharing is helpful to the rest of us. I need to hear that the 10 minute buzz isn't worth it! Keep posting and don't stop quitting.
James, "Changing yourself into a better you is what it's all about" -- so true! This can be the best part of sobriety but it requires attention and work every day. I got used to being lazy about my own growth. It's fantastic wake-up call to realize that at almost age 57 I still have the capacity to become the person I was meant to be.
This has been a good weekend. My husband and I went to an opening reception at a photo gallery and free wine was flowing. We were both perfectly happy with bottled water.
It feels like springtime can't be stopped now and the bicycles are out for good! We're planning a ride with friends today as the temp reaches 60 degrees.
I have been sober for all of 2012, I'll be sober today, and life is good!
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