BGustavsen
09-01-2011, 10:09 AM
Hi all. I've been reading posts all morning as I work through another hangover. I believe I'm an alcoholic, from a long line of alcoholics. I want to post a bit of my story and hear some of your thoughts. I need to make some changes and I hope that I can find encouragement here to do so.
I'm 35 and I would say I'm a functioning alcoholic. I've held my job for 12+ years and I've been steadily advancing. I'm a college grad, a father, a husband, and a generally responsible person... great credit, nice house, boat, etc. I started drinking pretty early in life with my childhood best friend. I remember the first time I got "hammered" was with him at his father's company Christmas party. We made complete jackasses of ourselves and embarrased his folks... I think we were about 12. As stupid as it was, we had a great time and enjoyed that 'fuzzy buzzy feeling.' I've been chasing that feeling ever since.
I'm definitely a binge drinker. There's a country song that goes "the more I drink, the more I drink... if I have one, I'll have 13". That's totally me. I stick to beer only, but I have no problem putting down 20 in a day. I would say that I keep my drinking to the weekends, but the truth is I spend maybe 1 or two nights a week sober, or with no beer at all. If its in the house, I drink it. On the weekends, I like to slam a beer or two in the morning to get my "relaxing weekend" going, and by the end of the night I usually end up tired and trashed. I hide some of it from my wife, but obviously once I start tying one on, she sees it and hates it. I've been drinking even more recently due to problems in my marriage... or is it I've been having even more problems in my marriage recently due to my drinking? I'm thinking it's the latter.
Anyway... I went out for a "happy hour" with the guys last night that ended up being a happy 5 hours. I spilled the beans on my troubles at home and vented to the boys. Basically, I turned the good old guys night into a really depressing horror show of drunken stupidity. I hate that. They were drinking too, but they can hang without falling off of the cliff. I feel at a new low this morning as I think back over the past few months and the increasing frequency of my embarrasing moments. I don't typically do too many REALLY stupid things when I drink, but I know that there are many things I do that are just plain annoying. - I can't remember anything after I've had the first couple and my memory seems to be pretty much gone all the time; I'm starting to slur and have slower speech earlier in my drinking episodes; I'm sure that I tell the same old and tired stories each time I drink, and I exaggerate (sp?) alot of things to the point that I annoy myself; I get to a point where really bad ideas start to sound good, and that's usually where (in my mind) I'm having the most fun. Who the heck starts drinking during the afternoon pre-season game and ends up taking their ATV out off-roading at 2:00AM on a Monday morning before the weekly meeting with management? I apparently do.
So I end up here, reading posts. And in pretty much every post, I can see myself. So, at least I know I'm in the right place. Now, my question is how the heck do I stop and save my marriage.
I have tried having NA beers around the house before, and that actually started to work. If I wanted a beer, I'd have one! Best thing was, I wouldn't get hammered. It was funny to notice too, that without the alcohol driving my consumption I would have my fill after 2 or 3 at the most. Many times, 1 NA beer sipping during a TV show was plenty. After a week or so of that, I would find that I didn't crave beer quite as bad and it was easier to go a few days with nothing. I'm thinking that going that route might be the best way for me to get rid of the actual alcohol, but keep enjoying my beer. Somehow though, I have to find a way to commit to ALWAYS bying NA, and not going for anything else. The other thing is that I have to find a way to be able to function socially around my friends and family WHO ALL DRINK and not fall into my typical drunken mess.
Ideas, experiences, or pointers on dealing with social situations around friends who drink (and drink ALOT)? Thoughts in general? I'm excited to start working on cleaning up my act... I've been wanting to for years now, and I can finally see that my life is getting worse and worse with alcohol in it. I'd love to hear from others.
Thanks!
I'm 35 and I would say I'm a functioning alcoholic. I've held my job for 12+ years and I've been steadily advancing. I'm a college grad, a father, a husband, and a generally responsible person... great credit, nice house, boat, etc. I started drinking pretty early in life with my childhood best friend. I remember the first time I got "hammered" was with him at his father's company Christmas party. We made complete jackasses of ourselves and embarrased his folks... I think we were about 12. As stupid as it was, we had a great time and enjoyed that 'fuzzy buzzy feeling.' I've been chasing that feeling ever since.
I'm definitely a binge drinker. There's a country song that goes "the more I drink, the more I drink... if I have one, I'll have 13". That's totally me. I stick to beer only, but I have no problem putting down 20 in a day. I would say that I keep my drinking to the weekends, but the truth is I spend maybe 1 or two nights a week sober, or with no beer at all. If its in the house, I drink it. On the weekends, I like to slam a beer or two in the morning to get my "relaxing weekend" going, and by the end of the night I usually end up tired and trashed. I hide some of it from my wife, but obviously once I start tying one on, she sees it and hates it. I've been drinking even more recently due to problems in my marriage... or is it I've been having even more problems in my marriage recently due to my drinking? I'm thinking it's the latter.
Anyway... I went out for a "happy hour" with the guys last night that ended up being a happy 5 hours. I spilled the beans on my troubles at home and vented to the boys. Basically, I turned the good old guys night into a really depressing horror show of drunken stupidity. I hate that. They were drinking too, but they can hang without falling off of the cliff. I feel at a new low this morning as I think back over the past few months and the increasing frequency of my embarrasing moments. I don't typically do too many REALLY stupid things when I drink, but I know that there are many things I do that are just plain annoying. - I can't remember anything after I've had the first couple and my memory seems to be pretty much gone all the time; I'm starting to slur and have slower speech earlier in my drinking episodes; I'm sure that I tell the same old and tired stories each time I drink, and I exaggerate (sp?) alot of things to the point that I annoy myself; I get to a point where really bad ideas start to sound good, and that's usually where (in my mind) I'm having the most fun. Who the heck starts drinking during the afternoon pre-season game and ends up taking their ATV out off-roading at 2:00AM on a Monday morning before the weekly meeting with management? I apparently do.
So I end up here, reading posts. And in pretty much every post, I can see myself. So, at least I know I'm in the right place. Now, my question is how the heck do I stop and save my marriage.
I have tried having NA beers around the house before, and that actually started to work. If I wanted a beer, I'd have one! Best thing was, I wouldn't get hammered. It was funny to notice too, that without the alcohol driving my consumption I would have my fill after 2 or 3 at the most. Many times, 1 NA beer sipping during a TV show was plenty. After a week or so of that, I would find that I didn't crave beer quite as bad and it was easier to go a few days with nothing. I'm thinking that going that route might be the best way for me to get rid of the actual alcohol, but keep enjoying my beer. Somehow though, I have to find a way to commit to ALWAYS bying NA, and not going for anything else. The other thing is that I have to find a way to be able to function socially around my friends and family WHO ALL DRINK and not fall into my typical drunken mess.
Ideas, experiences, or pointers on dealing with social situations around friends who drink (and drink ALOT)? Thoughts in general? I'm excited to start working on cleaning up my act... I've been wanting to for years now, and I can finally see that my life is getting worse and worse with alcohol in it. I'd love to hear from others.
Thanks!