Ashley C
07-03-2011, 03:25 AM
My name is Ashley and I have a story to tell. I was first introduced to lortabs when i was just a kid, my mom took them for years and i never understood why she was always so mad all the time, especially when she couldnt find her bottle. she even became so depressed on them she stayed in bed literally for 3 yrs!!! she had a doctor that was writing her 10/500mg, 250 of them a month!!!! so when i was about 13 yrs old, im 26 now, i began to wise up and i finally realized i didnt care what she had, that amount for anyone was way too excessive. So then i tested just how many she was accually taking. i took her bottle to the bathroom and removed 26 of them when she probably only had half of a bottle left already, she didnt even notice!!!!!!! so im guessing she took so many that probably believed that she took those too. i never want to be like that i said to myself, ironically. She quit cold turkey about 5 yrs ago and was sober for about 3 yrs, and then she got injured at work and got back on them. She progressed from 5/500mg 30 a week to 10/325 120 a month now!! plus my stepdad was hooked an morphine from that same doctor and my dad was an alcoholic. Not blaming them for my addiction, i just wanted to give u all some insite on how this all transpired and what i dealt with my whole life over not just this one extremely powerful addiction to lortab, but my family had several.
i on the other hand only have one addiction. and that one is so strong, i probably is more powerful than anyother drug out there. i have never done coke, crack, pcp, acid, herion, meth. just perks and tabs. I am a addict........ there i said it. For years, i denied my addiction, and then when i finally admitted to it, i made excuses for it and even minamized the problem. I always thought it was ok because a doctor gave them to me and it is legal. I said to myself, "Well im not buying them off of the streets like alot of people i know, and like all the coke and meth users out there. I thought it was even better than weed because it is legal and the fact i dont take them to get high, i take them to get threw the pain im having during the day. I first started taking them on a regular basis at 15. I was born with a gum disease where ur gums dont wrap around the roots of my teeth like everyone elses, so my teeth dont get the nutrients from my body. By the time i was 5, all of my baby-teeth were decayed. by the time i was 15 all of adult teeth were as well. ive had 18 root-canals, 9 re-treats, 5 apacoectamies, and 2 pardonal abseces, everytooth in my head is a crown. ive had over a quarter of a million dollars worth of work done to my teeth. so u can say besides my children they are my most prized possessition. anyways, during this process, which lasted from 15 until 24, all 3 of my dentists were writing me lortabs, while knowing the other was doing so. i had a regular dentist, a root canal specailist, and an oral surgeon that i was seeing literally on a daily basis.when i was 24 i divorced from my husbend because i caught him shooting coke and he refused treatment, then i lost my dental insurance.When i was 21 i was dianosed with cervical cancer, have fibermyalgia, and endometioasis. Back then i went threw kimo once and had a partial hystorectomy but it was too late, it spread to my whole cervix. I was so sick from the kimo, throwing up, chills, black rings aroung my eyes, fever, loss of hair, etc. so i looked at that oancologist and said if the treatment itself is worse than the illness ill take my chances with God. because im not having a full hyis. at 21 and throwing myself into minapause when i could just take a few pills during the day and be ok. well he refused to write me anymore bc i refused treatment, so i found a "dope doc" someone that wanted to milk my insurance and didnt preach to me about "my options" And he writes me 4 10/500mgs a day (120) a month. And like a fellow blogger wrote, im completey dependant apon them. I am a slave stuck inside my own addiction, and no one suffers more than my children and myself. it is the 1st thing i think about when my eyes crack open in the morning, to the point were i cant move out of bed until it is already working in my system. i take different amounts during each day to the point were i forget and have to go back later in the day and count how many i have left just to keep up with it. my kids even bring me my drink in the morning to take them with!!!!! its a sad and heartbreaking and its highly embarrassing, but its the truth. i love my kids tho they are my world and im a good mother but i want to be great mother and a sober one like they deserve bc im scared they will repeat the cycle as i have with my mom. i am scared if i get threw the intial drug free stage that i will almost certainly relapse bc of the easy access i have to them, friends, doctors, mom etc. plus all the pain ive been masking all these yrs, im scared will be too unbareable to finally feel 100%. please someone give my guidence and positive insite, no negativaity please, and teach me that there is another life beyond my crazed addition. i want to be free and need to not just for myself, but mainly for my 3 beautiful children that i have a responsability to. im just scared im too weak to go threw all of it alone. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!
i on the other hand only have one addiction. and that one is so strong, i probably is more powerful than anyother drug out there. i have never done coke, crack, pcp, acid, herion, meth. just perks and tabs. I am a addict........ there i said it. For years, i denied my addiction, and then when i finally admitted to it, i made excuses for it and even minamized the problem. I always thought it was ok because a doctor gave them to me and it is legal. I said to myself, "Well im not buying them off of the streets like alot of people i know, and like all the coke and meth users out there. I thought it was even better than weed because it is legal and the fact i dont take them to get high, i take them to get threw the pain im having during the day. I first started taking them on a regular basis at 15. I was born with a gum disease where ur gums dont wrap around the roots of my teeth like everyone elses, so my teeth dont get the nutrients from my body. By the time i was 5, all of my baby-teeth were decayed. by the time i was 15 all of adult teeth were as well. ive had 18 root-canals, 9 re-treats, 5 apacoectamies, and 2 pardonal abseces, everytooth in my head is a crown. ive had over a quarter of a million dollars worth of work done to my teeth. so u can say besides my children they are my most prized possessition. anyways, during this process, which lasted from 15 until 24, all 3 of my dentists were writing me lortabs, while knowing the other was doing so. i had a regular dentist, a root canal specailist, and an oral surgeon that i was seeing literally on a daily basis.when i was 24 i divorced from my husbend because i caught him shooting coke and he refused treatment, then i lost my dental insurance.When i was 21 i was dianosed with cervical cancer, have fibermyalgia, and endometioasis. Back then i went threw kimo once and had a partial hystorectomy but it was too late, it spread to my whole cervix. I was so sick from the kimo, throwing up, chills, black rings aroung my eyes, fever, loss of hair, etc. so i looked at that oancologist and said if the treatment itself is worse than the illness ill take my chances with God. because im not having a full hyis. at 21 and throwing myself into minapause when i could just take a few pills during the day and be ok. well he refused to write me anymore bc i refused treatment, so i found a "dope doc" someone that wanted to milk my insurance and didnt preach to me about "my options" And he writes me 4 10/500mgs a day (120) a month. And like a fellow blogger wrote, im completey dependant apon them. I am a slave stuck inside my own addiction, and no one suffers more than my children and myself. it is the 1st thing i think about when my eyes crack open in the morning, to the point were i cant move out of bed until it is already working in my system. i take different amounts during each day to the point were i forget and have to go back later in the day and count how many i have left just to keep up with it. my kids even bring me my drink in the morning to take them with!!!!! its a sad and heartbreaking and its highly embarrassing, but its the truth. i love my kids tho they are my world and im a good mother but i want to be great mother and a sober one like they deserve bc im scared they will repeat the cycle as i have with my mom. i am scared if i get threw the intial drug free stage that i will almost certainly relapse bc of the easy access i have to them, friends, doctors, mom etc. plus all the pain ive been masking all these yrs, im scared will be too unbareable to finally feel 100%. please someone give my guidence and positive insite, no negativaity please, and teach me that there is another life beyond my crazed addition. i want to be free and need to not just for myself, but mainly for my 3 beautiful children that i have a responsability to. im just scared im too weak to go threw all of it alone. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!