View Full Version : How to stop drinking
Break Your Pattern
Here's an idea from Tony Robbins on how to get leverage on yourself and change a behavior. Find a buddy and make a challenge to that person. Promise them know that you will begin a strict regime of total abstinence from alcohol. Further commit to them that if you break your promise, you will eat a whole can of Alpo dog food.
Keep your can in plain view at all times to remind you of your commitment. When you feel an urge, pick up that can and read the label. Such appetizing ingredients as "horse meat chuncks" might help you stick to your goal!
No whimping out either, get the big 14 ounce can!
john48
06-18-2012, 06:40 AM
Good Luck Kimber my girl broke up with me because of my drinking, funny i don't want to gain weight but I ate ice cream
too last night and thought the same thing " what every it takes". I made it through the week-end. I went to a party for
my nephew's graduation and there was alot of drinking. I stayed two hours and then left because it was getting to me.
Today is day five and I am going to make it this time, I started seeing a psychiatrist. I hope that helps. I hope everyone
has a sober week.
John
Sue,
Fantastic article. Today is day 2 for me and I wish my memory had served me better on how crappy I felt the first 5 days last time I attempted sobriety. I didn't sleep at all last night, had nightmares, was sweating one minute and cold the next, and I awoke with a terrible headache. I need to remember however painful this is, what I can accomplish without alcohol is SO much better!! Yesterday my husband and I made a list of the benefits of me not drinking. It was a really long list, and the items on the list helped me get through day 1.
Beth and Kip,
Despite feeling yucky this morning, I did walk with my dog!! :) Beth, the thought of you getting up and me not, guilted me into taking that walk. I guess accountablity/guilt is a good thing.
I have a decorative box in my office that I am putting a penny in for everyday of sobriety. Good luck, y'all, and have a blessed day. May we all get another penny. ;)
Oh Ken, I am so not going to eat dog food (or doughnuts:)) eventhough some of it would probably be better for me than alcohol:). That visual is a very strong one, way to go Tony Robbins. Such an inspiration.
Noel, I am cracking up because this morning I woke up at 5:50, drank some ice cold water but then told myself I need just a cup of coffee before my walk. Drinking that coffee I started thinking that I really didnt want to go for the walk but then I felt bad about telling you I would so I did. Haha talk about guilt and accountabilty!
So buddy we did it and it didnt kill us:) So tomorrow lets promise eachother again. Here's to healthy ways.....and no dog food:)
carol
06-18-2012, 11:45 AM
John, welcome aboard the sober train! And those who are already on it, even with just a few days, great job!
Kimber, so happy to hear you are making it one day at a time and heeding your inner voice to do it alone. (And Father John's advice from long ago, recently reiterated, no boys for awhile, Kimber!) A suggestion - take a few minutes and write down everything you can think of that you've ever thought of doing. Put it aside and pick it up later and see if there are 1 or 2 things that you could plan to do with and for yourself. Or skip the list and save up for a massage or something else fun! You're right, after a while the house will be clean and you'll need something else to do. Oh, join the 30 day exercise thread is another idea.
Beth, when I read your posts I think of the little train that could: "I think I can, I think I can. . . I knew I could!" Your steady, calm progress is an inspiration.
Speaking of which, liberte, your daily check-ins are just awesome!!!! Keep them coming, please!
Midwest Sue, your posts are always so thoughtful and helpful; I would love to also hear from you on the 60 day + or Ken's new sober thread.
And all y'all, even if I didn't call you out by name, good wishes for a happy and alcohol-free day - freedom is so sweet and it is so worth it! Don't drink today, y'all!
liberte
06-18-2012, 04:11 PM
Day 18 done. check.
Beth,
That is hysterical that you and I both thought the same thing this morning and did that walk any way for the same reason. Tomorrow is game on again. I even just got back from another walk with my husband, daughter, and dog. (I am trying to encourage my hubby with weight loss and he is encouraging my on the drinking.)
Kip, hope you will join Beth and I again tomorrow. Anyone else wanna come?
Liberte, awesome job. You keep your check in simple but seem so confident! Keep inspiring us.
Hope everyone else had a great day! I am off to beat my hubby at a game of cards! :)
Carol, I am that little train - everyday I want to cry - call it fear or confusion or feeling a lack of willpower but I slap myself into reality and say " suck it up buttercup". But no more spoiled little Beth. Too many people are counting on me. I'm counting on me to break the cycle. I need to break the cycle of the childhood I endured. I don't want my children to have the memories I had to endure. Until I started this process I lived in denial but now I know that I have a choice to be the parent I need to be. Through all this I have really learned the lesson that I am not hurting myself but also could do damage to my kids. For that not to happen I must endure my sobriety. But I am definitely reaping the rewards of my sobriety. I can't even explain what you all have done in opening my eyes to the harm I have done. If you would have told me that a year ago I would have completely denied it. Not that I would have been lying to you, I wouldn't have believed it. But sober, I can see and process all this information clearly. So grateful.
Alarm set and ready for my 6 am wake up time;). Nighty night folks!
Noel, Beth, good early morning..! Have a 7 a.m. conf call with my colleagues is Japan so it's really early. Of to glide across the pavement for a dark morning run... Good luck to y'all and have a peacefully sober day...
Sally
06-19-2012, 04:50 AM
Good morning everyone:] What a beautiful day we are having here in Michigan. Nice sunny weather, cool breezes...life is good!!
You are all doing so good in your journey - I am so proud of all of you for the way you "keep on keeping on". This is truly one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life, but oh so worth it in the long run. It has been just over a year since I joined this forum and like you I have had many ups and downs, but I have never given up. Each fall just reminded me how much I really wanted a life free from the chains of alcohol. Yes, alcohol is the easy path, but one I choose not to take anymore...and with time each and everyone of you will get there too. Don't ever quit quitting!!! I know it is hard, and at times you just feel like giving up, but you can do this.
When I first joined the forum I couldn't make it past 2-3 days, then it was 1 week. Then I kept stonewalling at the 10 day - 2 week mark. After what seemed like months I finally got past 2 weeks and floated into months....of course something major always happened in my life and I resorted back to what I knew best - drinking to drowned it out....fortunately I only let those pity parties last a day, maybe two, and then climbed back in the saddle. It has been a year of ups and downs for me - but there have been more sober days than not - and each time I try I get a little further - and that feels good.
I know this has to be a life time thing, and when you think about it really what's so wrong with spending a life with clarity? Now each day I wake up and count my blessings. My life has become so much better. I am finding inner peace, contentment - learning to love myself and those around me without reservation. It can be done, one step at a time. I remind myself daily that this could be my last day on earth - how do I want to spend it - in a haze beating myself up - or relishing the clear blue skies and all that I have been blessed with? I choose the later.
This is a journey - a chance for us to start fresh - heal, repair the wounds we have caused - live our lives the way they were meant to be - free of the chains of alcohol. There should be no room for romanticing - IT is evil - it has drained us of so much time, which we can never get back...all we have is today, and tomorrow if we are so blessed. I think of you daily and the strength each and everyone of you give me....thank you. And I pray for each of you - you are all such beautiful people doing the best that you can - and that is all that counts in the end.
So keep it up!!! Wake up and count your blessings - you are alive - you don't have a hangover LOL and you have a whole day in front of you to enjoy - so just do it!!
wlinser
06-19-2012, 05:24 AM
Thanks so much for all of these messages. They're v. helpful and inspirational. I made it through yesterday w/o a drink - the first time in a very long time. I feel good about it, but I know I need to do it again today. I woke up this morning and declared to myself that I am not going to drink today. I just can't. Thanks again.
john48
06-19-2012, 06:37 AM
Hi I am still sober. I am going to make it this time. When I quit smoking I failed a few times too
but I made it. My Mom used to say " If at first you don't succeed, try try again Johnny" I will
succeed this time. I have learned many things that cannot be put into words by my multiple
failures. No more. I am still healthy, I have not hurt anyone with a car yet or ended up
homeless. The whole world is better off if I stay sober, I get reckless and foolish and just
plain stupid. It has to stop now, no more excuses or day ones or poor me I'm an addict crap.
John day 6
liberte
06-19-2012, 04:31 PM
Day 19 done. check.
Midwest Sue
06-19-2012, 04:54 PM
At this minute I am trapped in a business cocktail hour. Help !
The tonic and lime is ok but there is a lot of good wine here. I'll check in later.
carol
06-19-2012, 05:01 PM
At this minute I am trapped in a business cocktail hour. Help !
The tonic and lime is ok but there is a lot of good wine here. I'll check in later.
Sue, cranberry juice and soda works too, although your tonic and lime is good since it looks like a gin and tonic (shudder). I know you'll do well without alcohol and have a story for us later
This is day 1 for me living an alcohol free life. I didn't always drink. Matter of fact I lived the first 38 years of my life healthy eating and daily exercising. 7 years ago I was going through a stressful marriage that eventually lead to a divorce after 22years of marriage. Family and friends were not much help with advice. Matter of fact one family member said find your favorite drink and join the rest of us who deals with stress. I literally took their advice and began drinking. Thinking; get me through the divorce and I will get healthy again; In a short 3 years I lost my marriage, my daughter went to prison for 18 months and I loss both parents 3 month apart due to health complications. 7 years of drinking through any stressful situation, I realize I have given up on how to live through stressful situations and just dumb myself with alcohol. I decided to move from Maryland to Texas to be closer to my grandsons and some family. Thinking if I was around them I wouldn't want to drink as much. I'm realizing to stop drinking is harder than any marathon I have trained for. I'm so happy to have found this forum. I have literally read every post before joining. The one post about "How an eskimo kills a seal" really stands out in my mind. I literally cut myself trying to open a bottle of wine last night, and never felt the cut, which required 5 stitches. I've cried all morning because I'm afraid I can't live life without a drink. I need you alls support. Thank you all for your inspiration to join the Spiritual River Forum.
Sally
06-19-2012, 05:53 PM
Welcome Jill - you are not alone anymore:] This site (and all of the people on it) will help you reclaim your life back. It's going to be hard, but I think you really want it - so hang in there and know that everyone on here is going thru similair situations and will be pulling for you. For the next few days/hours my advice is to drink as much water as you can, wash those toxins out of your system, sleep, pamper yourself, read Patricks articles, do whatever it takes not to pick up a drink.....clear all of the booze out of your house and start writing...post on here as often as you need to, someone will answer. Best of luck...life is so much better when you are sober!! "If we go down into ourselves we find that we possess exactly what we desire." - Simone Weil
Jill, Welcome! So hard to forget about last night with 5 stitches. I'm pulling for you. I had been a drinker my whole life but something took me over the edge from social to alcoholic. I can't explain it. I can't explain when it happened but I know it happened. So as they say, recognizing it is the first step to overcoming it. You are ready to break the chains. For you as well as those grand babies of yours. Stay hydrated, with lots of water! And don't forget to eat. A lot of us here believe that our personalties are addictive whether that is a good or bad addiction. Stay busy and take massive action in finding a good addiction to replace the evil bad one.
Sue, last night while I was drinking my cranberry juice (in a large water glass that looked like a wine glass) at a cocktail party I started to act a little giddy and it made the drunk I was talking to feel at ease which was good for me to see because she was drunk! Not what I wanted to be. so even though I feel guilty for using her as my muse I was able to remember how she would feel in the morning. Stay sober for your own self!
Midwest Sue
06-19-2012, 06:26 PM
I had to stay for a fancy french dinner also and I just made it out -- alive -- and sober!!
Christy
06-19-2012, 06:55 PM
Good job Sue! Whew!
Jill-Welcome! You are definetly not alone here. If you look back at earlier posts from many of us, we have all done things that we are not proud of. All of these things from the past help to know why we don't want to go on that path again.
Ouch on the cut and stitches you had to get. I'll never forget falling into gravel once and had to get ex-rays because they thought my nose was broken. Fortunately, it was not broken, but got a good scar from it.
Carol-Do you still have that party coming up where you have to buy and serve alcohol? I know you will be strong and just enjoy serving the people whether it's food, alcohol or whatever it may be. I just look at it like some people can't eat red meat, some people can't have salt, others just can't have alcohol. So i guess that sounds like a lousy comparison, but that's how i look at it. Make any sense? Maybe not, but i know that you will find a way to get through it and be able to enjoy it sober.
Beth-the last paragraph made me chuckle a little. When i serve alcohol to someone I just look at them and say glad it's her and not me and also wonder how crappy they will feel in the morning. Seeing others overinduldge makes me feel happy i'm just drinking a big glass of ice water!
Midwest Sue
06-19-2012, 07:45 PM
Jill, hang in there and keep posting!
I am finally home and can catch up on reading posts. I was roped into this business event because my boss cancelled out last minute. I was with about 14 people I had never met, all of whom were drinking from cocktail through dinner. It was the most awkward dinner of my life. I would rather go through labor again!
If I had been comfortable with the company and conversations, the alcohol would not have been an issue. With this group I was a fish out of water, crawling out of my skin and I just wanted to escape. I finally got up and left before the last course.
My advice is to avoid uncomfortable situations if you can when you know the event will revolve around alcohol. I will never get those two hours back, but I did hop on my bike to release some tension when I got home.
wlinser
06-20-2012, 12:58 AM
Day Two wasn't easy. Bring on Day Three and hope that it's easier.
Midwest Sue
06-20-2012, 03:07 AM
Good morning everyone:] What a beautiful day we are having here in Michigan. Nice sunny weather, cool breezes...life is good!!
You are all doing so good in your journey - I am so proud of all of you for the way you "keep on keeping on". This is truly one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life, but oh so worth it in the long run. It has been just over a year since I joined this forum and like you I have had many ups and downs, but I have never given up. Each fall just reminded me how much I really wanted a life free from the chains of alcohol. Yes, alcohol is the easy path, but one I choose not to take anymore...and with time each and everyone of you will get there too. Don't ever quit quitting!!! I know it is hard, and at times you just feel like giving up, but you can do this.
When I first joined the forum I couldn't make it past 2-3 days, then it was 1 week. Then I kept stonewalling at the 10 day - 2 week mark. After what seemed like months I finally got past 2 weeks and floated into months....of course something major always happened in my life and I resorted back to what I knew best - drinking to drowned it out....fortunately I only let those pity parties last a day, maybe two, and then climbed back in the saddle. It has been a year of ups and downs for me - but there have been more sober days than not - and each time I try I get a little further - and that feels good.
I know this has to be a life time thing, and when you think about it really what's so wrong with spending a life with clarity? Now each day I wake up and count my blessings. My life has become so much better. I am finding inner peace, contentment - learning to love myself and those around me without reservation. It can be done, one step at a time. I remind myself daily that this could be my last day on earth - how do I want to spend it - in a haze beating myself up - or relishing the clear blue skies and all that I have been blessed with? I choose the later.
This is a journey - a chance for us to start fresh - heal, repair the wounds we have caused - live our lives the way they were meant to be - free of the chains of alcohol. There should be no room for romanticing - IT is evil - it has drained us of so much time, which we can never get back...all we have is today, and tomorrow if we are so blessed. I think of you daily and the strength each and everyone of you give me....thank you. And I pray for each of you - you are all such beautiful people doing the best that you can - and that is all that counts in the end.
So keep it up!!! Wake up and count your blessings - you are alive - you don't have a hangover LOL and you have a whole day in front of you to enjoy - so just do it!!
This is a beautiful post that bears repeating. Thank you, Sally!
john48
06-20-2012, 06:22 AM
Day 7 after today I will have a full week, Welcome Jill. I began this journey two years ago my Girl friend
said I looked and sounded so afraid and scared of the thought of living without alcohol. I am not going
to relapse again I am not afraid anymore. Sylvane thank-you for the encouragement. I agree it is time
to do something for others.
Day 2 Wow! Thanks everybody for the warm welcomes. Sally it felt like my mother came down from the heavens and put her arms around me when I read your post. I have cried reading everyones encouraging words. Kimber, thank you for sharing. I do believe you know my pain and suffering. But I too am ready to make peace with my feelings like a I have failed. I'm currently in a relationship but won't commit because I know I'm not healthy enough to make that commitment. He deserves someone happy and healthy, just as I do. As for my daughter, she has done an amazing job at turning her life around. She makes me proud today. I owe it to my children and grandchildren to not throw my life into a bottle. I have strong children today but I know it is important to continue to parent throughout their adult lives by showing how to stay strong or at peace through any stress they may encounter. My guilt comes from not having the strength or peace to be a good example or pillar for my children. But after reading some articles by Patrick I realized when you are not feeling strong or in control, it's ok to surrender and sit with peace. I have to get comfortable with the feelings of peace and contentment. I'm so use to dealing with chaos that those two feelings make me feel like I'm not living. I've got lots to learn! So glad I have my friends here at Spiritual River to help me along. XO
Hi everyone
Welcome to the newcomers and know that you are among friends and supporters here!
Well, I am officially on day 3 and feeling pretty good - although very tired. I am glad to know that sleeplessness is pretty normal from all your past experiences, so I am not going to let that bother me - I'd rather be exhausted from lack of sleep than hungover. My action plan has been to plan activities outside of my home in the evenings that I am committed to going to. I signed up for a fitness class Mondays, had a meeting last night, have a lecture to attend tonight and plans for tomorrow night - so I can't drink. My weakness is being at home, alone, waiting for hubby to come home for dinner which always ends up being later than he says and I get bored/mad and start on the wine, thinking I'll just have one glass while I am waiting which turns into one bottle or more. I realize that massive action is needed and I wasn't doing that - so my massive action is getting out of the house - hubby can eat alone if he is going to be late and I am not sitting home with a nice hot meal prepared fuming and drinking.
I wish all of you strength and confidence - never give up and keep posting
Came home tonight really tired! All I wanted was a glass (Bottle) of wine and sit and chill. But instead I purposely made me a good dinner, shrimp alfrado with a glass of green tea. It helped to stabilize my sugar. Chose a comfort food because I'm still pampering myself as Sally suggested. Ha ha! It 7 o'clock here in Texas and to be honest I can't wait till 9 to go to bed. I'm purposely trying to keep my thoughts on the present because I realized when I think of the past or to far in the future I experience anxiety which then leads to my thoughts of drinking.
My thoughts and prayers are with all my new friends here at Spiritual River. Look forward reading all your postings and comments. XO
liberte
06-20-2012, 06:19 PM
Day 20 done and not too soon. I really wanted a drink tonight. I think it was because I was bored. Massive changes. Good night and check.
Hi all, checking in after a day on the road. Wlinser, glad you found us! Keep reading Patricks articles and be gentle to yourself. Jill, good on you for eating! Something that is difficult at first but does pay off. Kimber is right about HALT, I still use that regularly as I pause when white knuckling through the urges. Liberte, boredom is a big trigger. I received the advice to make a list of 25 things that I could do when bored....go to the mall, see a movie, take a shower, listen to music and dance, cook a meal, bake a dessert......
Noel, I got my walk in! Was up at 5:50, walking by 6:00. I had to be out of the house by 7:30 but was a little late, oh well. I thought about how yesterday I wasn't challenged by drinking and chalk it up to the morning walk. So I knew I had to do it this morning. Back at it tomorrow!
nomoredayones
06-21-2012, 04:23 AM
Today is day one for me. Again. :-(
wlinser
06-21-2012, 09:46 AM
Has anyone ever tried prescription drugs to reduce the craving for alcohol? I'm supposed to see an addictional specialist (MD) next week and am curious. Let me know if this isn't the proper forum for this question. Thanks!
Karen67
06-21-2012, 10:04 AM
Day 1 and scared to death but I hate who I am when I drink so I will embrace my fears and move forward.
@ 7pm last night I couldn't wait till 9pm to go to bed because I was so tired. 9pm rolled around and I got a second wind. Hate when that happens because that meant trying to convince myself that I didn't need a drink. I didn't drink but I did a lot of talking to myself. By the way that is normal for this gemini. :) I'm on day 3 and still not sure how I feel. Kimber thank you for the tip HALT. I will be sure to use that regularly. The "L" I think is going to be the toughest for me as well. Hang in there Kimber you are a good inspiration for me. A special XO! Beth I like the "List of Things" to do when I'm bored. 3 things I thought I would share is Pinterest, jigsaw puzzle, and a good long movie. nomoredayones, sounds like you are harder on yourself,more than anyone could ever be on you. For example; your name, it sounds like a demand rather than a choice. I bet you would find better success if you choose to quit drinking rather than forcing yourself. I believe you can do it, believe it yourself. Wlinser, I never have tried prescription drugs to reduce alcohol cravings but I have tried eating protein (Meat,cheese,eggs). That works great for me. Alcohol is a sugar and protein suppresses sugar cravings. Keep me posted. I'm interested in you succeeding.
Well I'll check in later because evenings seem to be harder for me than day-time hours. XO to my SR friends.
Welcome Karen67 it takes honesty to admit your fears but it takes courage to face them head on. I'm pulling for you! Friends here have a lot of good advice as well as encouragement. You came to the right place. Keep reading and posting! XO
Hello and welcome to Karen, Jill, Wlinser and any and all new members. I am always excited to see new people joining us in our battles against alcohol and want to assure you that this is a safe and supportive group of like minded people you have just found. Please continue to post, read through this post and the getting started posts for sure, and please read Patricks articles at the main site. He is the founder of Spiritual River which has been a real life saver for me. I am going to include some links to a few articles that I think are a great place to start and a few quotes to get you started. Best of luck to you all onyour journies, please post often and let us know how your progress is going. My old friend Billy came up with the title "keyboard therapy", if you come back and post you will see why, but basically because it feels great to have a place to be able to talk openly about what is on your mind that you probably wouldn't want to talk about with friends, family, and co-workers.
From one of Patrick's articles:
1) Nobody totally wants to quit.
2) Those who do quit make the decision anyway.
3) Those who succeed take action following the decision.
More from Patrick:
"Why was I a drunk? Because it was fun. It was a blast. Until it wasn’t. The unbelievable thing was how long I continued to drink and self medicate after it was no longer fun. The unbelievable thing was the denial, that I clung to the false belief that getting drunk was still fun. But it had stopped being fun a long time ago."
Check out these articles at the main site:
http://www.spiritualriver.com/holistic-relapse-prevention-workbook-for-addiction-alcoholism-free-download/
http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to-stop-making-excuses-finally-quit-drinking-for-good-and-stick-to-your-plan-to-live-a-better-life/
http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpress-2.0.4/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/passiveLiving2.pdf
carol
06-21-2012, 12:52 PM
Has anyone ever tried prescription drugs to reduce the craving for alcohol? I'm supposed to see an addictional specialist (MD) next week and am curious. Let me know if this isn't the proper forum for this question. Thanks!
wlinser, yes several people here have used prescription drugs to help. The only one I remember was Campral which I know several people found helpful. it's a fine question to ask here, I wish I remembered a little more about what people tried. And I think it is great that you are going to see a specialist and are open to meds to help. It's taking concrete action steps and openness to change that make all the difference! And so much the better if you can stay sober between now and the appointment! Best of luck.
nomoredayones
06-21-2012, 03:32 PM
I won't post again until I have gotten some time under my belt. Good luck to you all.
Home from work before 8 for the first time this week.....had a high anxiety moment and gave my supervisor some choice words. Luckily didn't go over board. I had to stop at the gas station because I needed gas and had to keep telling myself if you still want to get a drink after you get home, then you can go back out and get one but just go home first! I am home, ate dinner, and now I told my AV sorry Charlie, in for the night.
6 am comes around early and need to be rested for my morning walk;)
nomoredayones please don't leave!!!! One week, one day, one hour of not drinking is better than Not realizing there is a problem. My comment was to encourage support, not to discourage you to leave. You obviously realize you have a problem or you wouldn't be posting here. The hardest part about being in a support group is to be able to take advice or just listen and ponder on the views of others whom are in the same boat. But you will not be in a better place than here! Please if you read this, reconsider posting. I can learn a lot from your point of views of why it is so hard for you to quit. Big XO to you!!!
ToddE
06-21-2012, 04:54 PM
Morgan,
I'm sorry hear about your continued struggles with this demon. Do what's right for you, but please take care of yourself. I look forward to when your feel up to posting again. You sound frustrated, so I won't try to cheer you up too much. There was a time, not that long ago really, when I would have done anything to be where you're at now. I know you would like to be further along, but it will come. It's not easy, but it is worth the struggle.
-Todd
liberte
06-21-2012, 06:31 PM
Day 21 done. That's 3 weeks. check.
AlisonUK
06-22-2012, 01:51 AM
Hi all
Haven't had access to a computer for a while. I have been having a good read up. Morgan, don't leave. Living sober sucks girl. I have found that when it is nice a warm, the urge to sit on my deck with a bottle of wine is sooo over powerful. My husband buys the stuff but and the end of the day, he doesn't force the wine down my neck! we all have to be responsible for our own actions.
I'm meeting a friend for lunch today. She is a heavy drinker. We are meeting in a local pub. I could walk there but I'm taking my car. I think she is bringing a friend along who I have never met. They and sit there and get pissed up but not me. I have some driving to do later and I owe it to my daughters....and of course to myself.
I'm using the HALT theory and reading the Mark Tuschel books.
Take care everyone
Toodle pip
Wow Kimber, you were up early! I read your post before my walk. Congrats on another day sober! Keep it up..... Feels sooo much better mentally and physically, remember that! Please read the book Drinking: A Love Story. Even if you have already read it, please read it again. She talks extensively about a bad relationship she was in...all the reasons why she stayed and left. As I read it, I think of you (and me too). We both need to stop romanticizing what alcohol is....everything we think it is, it's not!
She also talks about something called geographics. An AA term used when we change locations, jobs, relationships, etc. Or go back to school to change our life. it's almost a safe haven for our overacting addiction....new life, new us.....
The book should be available at your library. That is where I picked it up.
If anything it gives you something to do as you are crying yourself to sleep;)
Ok, another bit of advice.....go to the site Meetup.com. You can find people of like interest in your area that you can meet up and do things with....stay away from the wine folks;). It may be a way to find a friend....not a lover but a friend of the same sex. I hear in your post that you need a friend and because of this you fall into the same trap as I do and latch on to a man thinking that is fulfilling a need of validation.
When our minds are so foggy from alcohol we really can't think straight and it keeps up from the strength we have to live for ourselves and truly love ourselves.
Stay strong and keep reaching to grow. Patrick always talks about fear......I so identify with that word but everyday I do something to grow and the fear and anxiety slightly dissipates and it feels really good.
Karen67
06-22-2012, 07:18 AM
Well it is now day 2 and I am having a lot of conflicting feelings. Now that I am over the feelings of shame, anxiety etc the day after drinking I find that I am already making excuses to keep going down the same path.
I live out in the middle of no where so there are no support groups or even people here that I could talk with. The nearest town has 500 people 3 liquor stores and a bar so that tells you the level of booze around here.
I don't drink everyday but I seem to be drinking more often now. And when I do drink, I drink till I can't drink anymore. I black out and become angry and violent. Doing this 4 to 5 times a week is killing me.
I am 45 and I had to quit work in order to move my 86 yr old mom in because she has dementia. In turn I am becoming very bitter. I never thought this would be my life. My husband works out in camp for 30 days and home for 5.
It truly has become overwhelming.
Its Day 2 and I Will Not Drink!
Molly
06-22-2012, 08:23 AM
Kimber, you may like Thomas Jefferson's "Dialogue Between My Head and My Heart": http://www.uncp.edu/home/berrys/pdfs/jefferson_head_heart.pdf
Molly
06-22-2012, 08:26 AM
Karen67: I can totally relate to you. I took care of my demented mother for 5 years before her death. Although I had supportive siblings, it was so hard! I drank and drank and drank every night after I got her to bed. It nearly killed me - don't let this happen to you. Take advantage of MANY resources to help you. Start here: http://www.caregiver.org/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=391
good day all.....
many amazing posts here as we see each other struggling. Morgan, i understand if you don't want to post but we will be thinking of you. Take care of yourself and know that we're all in this together.
tgif. a good thing, yet i find myself anxious.... this week was not good. met my son for dinner and that was ok until we drank. and then it wasn't. my dear wife was justifiably upset. i'm just not sure how to face a weekend with the idea of staying sober. i've done it before for some time, but now seem to lack the tools, will, etc..... to get there. this is a frustrating part of the journey. and it will soon be six months with you guys here on the forum... i really want to make the last half of 2012 better than the first. dealing with the weekdays, which i can do until there is a social event, and then dealing with the weekends. that's kind of biting it off in small chunks... i wanna be a non-drinker and string together more good than bad days.
Priscilla, reading your post i see you might be in a similar way with weekends... 2/3 sober is fantastic! any advice?
i hope we all have a peaceful and sober weekend...kip
carol
06-22-2012, 12:45 PM
Kip,
I've been thinking of you with the weekend coming up. A few thoughts for you to consider, altho since we all seem to over think around here maybe don't think, just do!
First, don't have this be about not drinking on weekends in general, only THIS weekend, as in "I won't drink this weekend but I'm only committing to not drinking alcohol THIS weekend." You need cool, tasty, refreshing beverages around so you can always have a glass in your hand but not of alcohol. It's already gettin' close to drinkin' time on the East Coast so make sure you get stuff to drink ASAP so you don't just say **** it maybe next weekend. There's a thread around somewhere with suggestions on what to drink, so you might want to look at that but first make sure you're covered for tonight.
Next, plan a couple of activities you don't do when you're drinking. I'm losing track a little so can't remember if you drive fast cars or mountain bike or both but those come to mind.
If you have things you usually do on the weekend, don't do 'em! That's right, skip them. You want to get your brain all confused by the change in routine so it doesn't just stay on autopilot 'cause autopilot = "I drink on weekends". Some stuff you probably can't skip, but where you can try something different.
While you're trying something different, what about doing something nice for or with your wife? Not going out to dinner though, that's just another chance for a cocktail or nice glass of wine or whatever. Nope, something else? She's been there for you, try figuring out something nice to do for her.
Just one weekend off. Monday you can decide all over again. Just THIS weekend.
Check in and say hi, too. Good luck!!!
Midwest Sue
06-22-2012, 01:33 PM
Carol, really good advice to Kip.
Every evening, I drink. I still haven't been able to break the habit. A glass is always nearby. But the difference is that now I'm drinking a variety of non-alcoholic beverages! I found one beverage that is a fantastic zero-calorie wine substitute. It's called Sparkling Ice and the flavor I love is Black Raspberry. I couldn't find that flavor in the local stores any more so I bought a case online! I sometimes put it in a wine glass, a cordial glass, a martini glass. This feels kind of silly but it works for me!
Whatever it takes. As Carol says, do things differently, distract yourself, focus on pleasing your wife. Just for this weekend, Kip. OK?
Carol, very kind and helpful words.. I really appreciate you taking the time to offer this insight. I ride road bikes and that is definitely a no-drink activity. Of late, I haven't been doing it... and just can't quite figure out why..it's not the normal or best me. that's what this beast of a disease does and we can see it right in front of us. I remember my wife and I going to St.John's in the Carribean for an eco trip a few years back and I was sober there for a week. I'm telling you, that is not an easy place to practice sobriety! So it's frustrating that the motivation to do so isn't there and the autopilot takes over. I need to be "awake at the wheel" as I've said before... for in that awareness lies a clarity that is far more rewarding than the blur of drinking. it's just crazy isn't it..... and you are right. My wife has been through so much. My sobriety would be the ultimate gift, but I admit I just need to be a kinder and more gentle person. Beverage wise, I just love sparkling water of any kind as it feels quite hydrating and settles my frequently messed up stomach. Gonna toss one down as soon as I get home.
John, thanks for the thoughts... I don't race anymore, used to do it but just enjoy the car on the road in our nearby mountains. Preferrably very sober as it is a demanding little beast. I was a test driver in my job (yep, it was that good!) for many years so I kind of got it out of my system, so to speak. That's cool about your wife's uncle. Formula V's are neat cars and you definitely can't carry on with much drinking, hangovers, etc...and strap yourself in a race car. My testing years kept me more sober than the last 6 years of desk work just because it sucks to thrash a car when you're feeling bad. Funny how simple things like that make a big difference.
Thanks my California friends...! You've given me something to think deeply about...Have a great weekend...kip
Kimber congrats on your mile stone. How old is your daughter? My daughter is 22 and lives in W.Va. I loves when I get to talk or spend time with her. I read your post & you are posting about my life. I to just moved in a new place June 1st. I have no friends yet and my male friend is out of town through the week. I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle him being home this weekend. He likes to drink his beer and I gave up drinking tuesday. He doesn't know I'm trying to make some changes. Loneliness is my greatest fear. I too wish I had a girlfriend to walk with, talk with or shop with. I just turned 46 a week ago and it's so much harder meeting friends now that my children are grown. I'm a friendly person but not sure where to go to meet people. I know I could meet people at a church but I've been down that road and let's just say....I'm not sure I want....hanging out with some church goers may drive me to drink. : )
Karen67 my thoughts & prayers are with you. I lost both of my parents last year 3 months apart. The last 3 months of my mother life I took care of her. I can't tell you the joy it brings to my soul "TODAY" to have been given the opportunity to give her such unconditional love. When things got tough for me I focused on the words Altruistic Love. You will be in my daily prayers.
Kip you sound fit. Plan a water rafting or canoe trip with your wife. Zip lining is always fun as well. Both activities are hard to hang on to a drink. ;)
Well I wish everybody here at SR a healthy weekend! XO
Hi All, Day 2 (again, sigh). But the week on a whole was much much better than the last 3 months. I'm trying. Congrats to everyone who is hitting their milestones and staying strong, and good luck to all those (like me) still working on connecting the dots one day or weekend at a time. Carol, great advice and although it was directed at Kip ... I'm a-gonna piggyback on it and commit to making it through this one weekend sober. And then one week. And then one month.
liberte
06-22-2012, 04:53 PM
Day 22 done. check. The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ― Albert Einstein
wlinser
06-23-2012, 05:56 AM
Day 2 - check. Now it's the weekend and working on day three!
liberte
06-23-2012, 07:38 PM
Day 23 done. check.
carol
06-23-2012, 10:20 PM
Just watching a TV news story and felt compelled to post even though I'm exhausted after an all day volunteer event. News story is a good Samaritan who kept a drunk driver from leaving the scene after she had run over and killed a girl. Oh, guys, I drove drunk so many times. Luckily never an accident or even a DUI, but that could have been me! I could have killed someone. I am so grateful. I am so glad I don't drink anymore.
John, glad you picked the fruit punch and had a good time. liberte, I love your posts, congrats on another day on the sober train! Kimber, it's great to see you growing and accepting yourself, including the discomfort which comes along with growth. I'm more of a one on one person too. Mel, piggyback away!
'Night all. Just don't drink, OK? Please don't be that drunk driver on the news!
Midwest Sue
06-24-2012, 05:34 AM
Kimber,
Your recent posts warm my heart. I see you becoming a happy, balanced person. Quite a transformation and it all began with and continues with "I won't drink today".
Thank you for sharing your amazing journey and keep cuddling that sweet daughter of yours. Boyfriends are overrated anyway and best to avoid while you discover the awesome, capable woman you are!
Sue
Morning all.. (and evening, afternoon around the planet).... Noel, good thought. BMW is actually in my neighborhood, so to speak, and I actualy work out there for some events.. You're right - they absolutey don't mix w drinking. Gonna try that approach by jumping on my road bike and heading to the mountains.. This weekend hasn't been the success I had wanted and it reinforces the fact that this massive change has to be as massive or more than the inertia of the status quo. It sometimes feels like the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. Jeez..I'm a nerd to mix physics w drinking but, hey, it seems to click on this quiet Sunday morning. At any rate, I disappoint myself and my supporters here (Carol, please forgive me) when I can't transfer your energy, encouragement, and progress into my own results. The "good" news is I was probably the only drinker at our party last nite who came home and put big-ass X on the calendar. Awareness has to be there. Just gotta convert it to action....
Kimber, your posts are inspiring and express your journey in a really touching way.. Keep it up and good luck.. We're all tuned in here...
Happy Sunday...
wlinser
06-24-2012, 05:42 AM
Day three is in the books. Had the best weekend day yesterday that I've had in ages. Got a lot accomplished and felt good about myself. Now day four has begun . . . one day at a time.
Evening all! Wlinser, feels sooo good when you see the benefits of not drinking! Good for you!
So today was the last day of our 7 day challenge Noel. No alarm today, I slept in till I woke up on my own ...7:30!
I enjoyed being on the sober train and the fitness train with you...so did my dog.
I will probably try to keep up the morning walks. I don't mind getting up early and being so tired at night was truly a blessing. Too tired to think about drinking.
John, props to you!
liberte
06-24-2012, 07:41 PM
Day 24 done. check.
wlinser
06-25-2012, 06:53 AM
Made it through day four. It's the beginning of a new week. Day five today . . . one minute at a time.
Ditto Kip, not so good weekend for me. Had a glass of wine on friday with my dinner and stopped because it left me really tired. Saturday I don't know, it was a combination of anger and feeling really tired. I had 4 beers which made me again extremely tired so I stopped. I too put a BIG X for Friday & Saturday. This time I didn't put myself on that guilt trip. I just remembered the few days before I felt so much better! I think it was the days leading up to the weekend and telling myself " YOU WON'T DRINK" that made me want to drink even if it was just one. I sound like a child in my head. A rebellious child! Sunday was hot as hell here in Texas but I managed to get a walk in and drank plenty of water.
Kimber your post puts a smile on my face! I too have a daughter who doesn't seem to mind that her dad remarried but she likes me single and to herself when she visits. : )
wlinser welcome to SR. I look forward to reading your days of accomplishments. Good luck today!
liberte : )!!
Carol I saw a similar story, if not the same. Mades me stop and think and count my lucky stars!
Plan to keep using HALT to get me through this week.
carol
06-25-2012, 11:09 AM
ww43, good insights. Yeah, the emotional stuff keeps unfolding long past 30 days. Patrick's philosophy that not drinking isn't enough, there has to be spiritual growth as well, was a real eye-opener for me. Before I just tried to eliminate alcohol and changed nothing in my life, and no change = no change. It's uncomfortable but I a, finding the journey is worth it, so good for you embarking on it.
Re: the offsite or whatever your husband's company calls it. My job required me to do these things (and customer dinners, etc) and my husband was expected to accompany me. He called it "spouse duty". It really is required for you to attend to support him, even though it seems dumb and pointless, and a whole lotta drinking goes on. Let me know ahead of time when the next one is and I can suggest some coping strategies.
Kimber, I do agree that avoiding social situations involving drinking is a really good idea, and I skipped a reunion with college drinking friends last year for that reason. Unfortunately it's harder to get out of these work situations, so planning ahead for them is essential. I am really proud of you for avoiding your brother right now, since you know where that tends to lead - good for you! He knows you love him.
liberte
06-25-2012, 05:30 PM
Day 25 done. check.
Midwest Sue
06-25-2012, 06:41 PM
Liberte, way to go!
wlinser
06-25-2012, 09:06 PM
Day Five - check! Now for a good night's rest. It's been a v. long time since I've gone this long w/o a beer, and it feels good.
Julia4
06-26-2012, 12:44 AM
Hi,
I have just found this very inspiring site to help in my quest to be free from alcohol! I have been a problem drinker for 30 years, growing up in an alcoholic home and being not a daily drinker but more of a stress/binge style drinker. This has brought me nothing but trouble as my personality changes and I have had very scary blackouts on only 1 bottle of vino...I am ashamed to admit that I have drunk and driven in a blackout and that memory still haunts. I did manage to have 4 years sobriety after my divorce but then involved myself with an alcoholic man and found myself back drinking with much remorse and hangovers afterwards.
I have since moved away from him to start a new life but I have not managed as yet to STAY stopped..drinking has much improved as I can stop at 1 sometimes..but all that does is keep the obsession alive so I expectantly look forward to the next and still overuse as a coping mechanism for a bad day. My life seems to stand still when I have alcohol in my system and I am sooo much better without it as I think my brain has an allergy as it doesnt take very much for me to react to the effects and the aftereffects of depression/anxiety are not pleasant.
I am currently on day 16 of no alcohol/sugar and really want to stay stopped this time as so sick of the merry go around ..problem being that I am haunted by the thought that I can drink again as sometimes I can control it to 1 or 2..so sick of this! PS I really want to break this family curse for my four children! Can anyone relate to my drinking pattern?
Julia4
06-26-2012, 04:55 AM
Thankyou Kimber for your understanding reply! Congratulations on your 20 days! Yes I am truly going to try to do things differently this time although I must say it seems like a long and daunting road and I am praying for a miracle to keep me on the sobriety path as not wishing to sound negative but I have failed so many times..My problem is that if I am out and "under scrutiny" sometimes I can stop at 1 drink and that is where my difficulty lies as is like a gamble sometimes win and other times massively lose! I do know that I am in bondage to this poison as my brain is deeply attached to it..oh for a miracle to lose the mental obsession. I have been to AA but dont really feel I fit in ..thinking should go back though and at the very least mix with people who are on the quest to live free from this poison. I also have moved away from my family (about 1 hour to a rural location) and although I work, I spend a lot of time on my own which i suppose is a good thing as it puts me in touch with myself without distraction of relationship as I am also recovering from my last very unhealthy relationship!
yogajunkie
06-26-2012, 07:36 PM
even though i drank 2 cocktails tonight, i'm back. i'm not feeling great about myself, but i'm not drunk, and so i'm not feeling terrible. i'm usually a bottle of (white) wine a night drinker and while the idea of giving up EVERYTHING is still really hard for me, i feel confident that i *can* give up wine (a real trigger for me) and work with that for right now.
as for being here, i'm lurking around the edges, stealing bits of inspiration and hope for tomorrow even though i don't feel entitled to them. i hope you all can stand me, and perhaps offer some encouragement instead of judgement. i had an experience last week with a friend who gave me an earful of advice that i've tried really hard to hear as concern but keep feeling judged by: "get a roommate, change therapists, look at your drinking, start dating again," she said. so, tomorrow when i see her i need to tell her that her comment wasn't comforting and in fact just made me want to hide more from her. i have been struggling and that's been hard but when she judges me, i don't want her to know that i'm lonely and have forgotten my best self; that i've accumulated a stack of bad habits over the years that i'm shocked by and ashamed of. from a one-down position, it's hard to ask for love and acceptance which is exactly what i need as i change at a pace-- with all the foibles, mistakes, learning, setbacks and ultimately triumph(!) --- that i can manage. luckily, i have another friend who's a soulmate who's supporting me, accepting me, and loving me even with all my warts as i engage in this discourse/experience around drinking. in the past, i have given up smoking and very disordered eating, including starving, then bingeing and purging, so i know i can do this eventually. the main problem is that restricting, bingeing, and purging were all things i did so privately and there's much more social engagement around drinking that i'll need to figure out how to talk about with people as i retire from being the (loving & boozy) life of the party. but that part can hold for now... just need to keep focusing on finding a place in my life where i can migrate back to a stronger more grounded version of myself that can tolerate uncertainty, and stay slower, and more grounded. and yes, yoga is really really helping!
thanks for the community.
Oh god!! yogajunkie I can relate!!!!! I too have been having a few drinks but not to the point of drunkenness but know it's not me. Where did my strength go before my divorce 3yrs ago? I feel my life is a failure up to this point. I seem to not be able to relate to anybody on this site accept, Kimber whom went through a lot of similar life challenges as me yet seems to have the strength to make a difference now. Everybody seems to have goals, inspiration to live life and a reason to quit drinking. I have no strength left. I just keep reading, moving & keeping busy throughout the day. Hoping something will click for me. I'm so lonely and starving for healthy friends. I'm so sad all the time with only moments of joy.
Thanks for listening SR friends!
yogajunkie
06-27-2012, 05:16 AM
thanks jill for relating. i was worried that i'd log on this morning to finger wagging and shaming, both of which i give myself plenty of so don't need more of, so was comforted by your post!
it's nice to be able to talk openly, confess, wonder, and be myself here. right now, i'm not feeling like there are too many safe places to inch through this territory.
thanks
Midwest Sue
06-27-2012, 06:21 AM
yogajunkie, I'm glad you're here and it's the last place you're likely to find finger pointing or shaming. We have all been there. We are all just one drink away from sinking into the quicksand of addiction. Stick with us and keep posting.
Kimber, I also wish you had kept some of your older posts here for some to see the transformation. The change is dramatic and I am so happy that you've been able to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Your uncertainty has turned to resolve and your self-doubt to ccnfidence. It's a beautiful thing to see.
Life can be simple and beautiful once the fog has lifted. I wish all of you a day of clarity. Love yourself and be grateful that you have another day to start fresh.
Sue
kevin2
06-27-2012, 06:22 AM
Wow, great post Kimber,..it sounds like you are doing so well. Isn't it amazing what getting a few weeks under your belt and getting some distance and great perspective of what your new life can be like,..will do for you? (I told you ;-). It continually amazes me how much less drama and just how much more positive our overall outlook on life gets when we are sober,..and how "little blessings" just seem to happen.
YJ, thanks for posting,..and you won't get any finer wagging around here,..and I assume you might have posted before you read Kimber's post,..because I can see you definitly relating to her and what she has gone through,..and that it IS possible to come out better for it on the other side.
One thing I will say,..as a guy,..and recently there are many more women/girls/ladies on this site than men (or that post at least),..a couple of obeservations I always make. I definitly don't want to generalize but it seems like alcohol and alcoholism has a couple of really commen themes with almost all of you. Self esteem and personal confidence takes a major hit and seems/feels impossible to rebuild,...wine is a MAJOR weakness and defenitly isn't as innocent and glamorous as it looks,..and that social settings,..ie parties, family gatherings, wine tastings, girl's night outs etc. seem to be real triggers and sources of anxiety. I'm sure these things affect some guys also,..and there are women that don't struggle with any of these,..just a few things I notice from the dude perspective. There appears to be a large group of you girls that can and should really, really relate to each other.
The great thing is that there are people like Carrol, Sue, Christy (Hell, she's a bartender), Ruth (where are you?) and others here who's success stories that I have followed,..that were RIGHT where you are (go back and read),..and now you can see the strength and confidence..and wisdom exude from their posts now that they are sober and free to live. Something to think about and discuss at least. Am I way off here ladies?...or is there something to this?
Edit: Sue,..wow, you were right on time with that one. I posted before I read yours..and as usual you couldn't have said it any better.
wlinser
06-27-2012, 06:57 AM
Day Six is in the books. Trying to make it a week today. Beautiful day here. Time to get out for a walk.
yogajunkie I was afraid to log on as well. I didn't want someone to say "get a few sober days under your belt before posting again." I look to the comments here at SR for inspiration, a mutual understanding and tools that others are using to stay sober.
Kimber once again thank you for your insight and the pick me up! I think I'll go out to get some lemon aid to make. We have everything else in common. : )
kevin2 I do go back and read a lot of old post. They are stories that brings me hope that I too can rebuild my life without the dependence of alcohol. Not to sound to forward but your comment sounded like you don't have the patience to hear a "New" females cry for help. It is my opinion that alcohol does lower a females confidence and self esteem but in most cases a females confidence and self esteem took a major hit in her younger years as a child.
wlinser enjoy your walk and may the sun always shine upon you.
Off to enjoy my grandchildren today and buy some lemon aid. :)
kevin2
06-27-2012, 08:51 AM
yogajunkie I was afraid to log on as well. I didn't want someone to say "get a few sober days under your belt before posting again." I look to the comments here at SR for inspiration, a mutual understanding and tools that others are using to stay sober.
Kimber once again thank you for your insight and the pick me up! I think I'll go out to get some lemon aid to make. We have everything else in common. : )
kevin2 I do go back and read a lot of old post. They are stories that brings me hope that I too can rebuild my life without the dependence of alcohol. Not to sound to forward but your comment sounded like you don't have the patience to hear a "New" females cry for help. It is my opinion that alcohol does lower a females confidence and self esteem but in most cases a females confidence and self esteem took a major hit in her younger years as a child.
wlinser enjoy your walk and may the sun always shine upon you.
Off to enjoy my grandchildren today and buy some lemon aid. :)
Not at all Jill,..that is not what I meant in the least. Concepts like that are almost impossible to have come accross the way you intend with typing,..but still not sure how you came away with that,..but I do apologize if it came across that way. I've been reading and posting on this board for a year or more now,..and I guess what I was trying to point out is that I tend to notice a few very commen themes and issues that alot (most it seems) female posters here encounter and deal with. It's not a judgement of any kind,..just pointing out that many of you seem to have alot in commen and can really relate and help each other,..because the posters I mentioned have been there and done that and are a wealth of knowlege to draw from and are always willing to help.
As I said,..I may be way off,..just something I thought I'd mention as a guy.
Midwest Sue
06-27-2012, 08:54 AM
Kevin, I do agree with you that women alcoholics often share issues that can differ from those of men, and your feedback shows insight. We tend to suffer from low self-esteem (as I'm sure many men do) and yes, wine seems to be a big draw! Our culture paints the image of a woman with a wine glass as being oh-so-elegant, attractive and sophisticated. What a crock of shit. Wine is just grapes gone bad, ladies. If wine is your weakness, go to the store today and buy a good quality 100% grape juice, white, red or purple, and have that in your wine glass this evening. The ritual of drinking was an integral part of my addiction and you don't have to give up lifting a glass to your lips as long as it's alcohol-free.
Jill, I think Kevin is only trying to be helpful and not passing any judgement at all on women here, past, present or future.
I also don't recall ever seeing a post asking folks to not post until they have a few days of sobriety under their belt. I know some people decide for themselves to back off for awhile, but there is no pressure to do so.
All are welcome, of any gender and at any stage of the struggle!
kevin2
06-27-2012, 09:00 AM
Thanks Sue,..that is exactly what I meant,..and yes you are right on with the cultural reference to wine,...and it's very similar to the way beer is portrayed to men.
yogajunkie
06-27-2012, 09:40 AM
thanks all for the acceptance & forgiveness in this space. good to meet you jill, john, kimber, midwest sue, and ken2. don't have time to write a lot now but just had a lovely breakfast with a friend from college that i'd lost touch with. it was nice to be with her and be reminded of what she liked about me then and the person i still am underneath my bad behavior and habits with alcohol. i've forgotten a lot of the good stuff about myself. more later, YJ.
Midwest Sue
06-27-2012, 10:21 AM
On the subject of wine, I just wanted to share a little story from my past…
About 3 years ago I met some friends at a restaurant that serves a “bottomless” glass of wine. For about $6, you buy a glass of house wine with your meal and the server will continue to refill it for as long as you are eating.
My drinking friends and I ordered a couple of food items and slowly picked at our plates while getting our free refills over the course of about 3 hours. Yeah, we were gaming the system. There was no way to know how much we drank because the red wine just kept getting poured.
When it was time to leave I had no idea how drunk I was. I drove home and only remember arriving in the driveway, turning off the car and passing out. I don’t know how long I was there before I woke up, stumbled into the house, made it to the bathroom and started vomiting in the bathtub. I passed out again and woke up at some point on the floor with my pants around my knees. I somehow made it to bed and woke in the morning wondering what the hell happened and how I managed to drive home without remembering it.
Myth: Wine is glamorous. Wine makes you glow in social settings. Wine is the nectar of the Gods.
Truth: Wine can leave you crumpled half naked on the bathroom floor without control of your bodily functions. Wine can cause you to kill innocent people who might happen to be in the path of a vehicle you have no business driving.
Thank God I only hurt myself with that incident.
Never again.
Christy
06-27-2012, 04:23 PM
One the subject of posting while drinking. I may have a cause to believe that some struggling to get to that day, or any other goal that is desired for people that might be lurking, may cause some to think this forum is to maintain some kind of moderation in staying "somewhat sober." I believe that Patrick designed this forum for those who want to stop drinking with a goal of living sober and free from the chains of alcohol. While many of us have slipped in this journey, I do believe that posting while drinking can be a detrimental factor for some of us that are struggling to even get that start they may need or an excuse for them to continue.
Remember that we need to stop drinking and take "massive action" if we are to succeed in our recovery. No excuses of the terrible things that have happened in our lives as reasons to drink ourselves to oblivion. We all have to take a look at the past and see why we all want to stop drinking. Make a list of the positive things that happen in our lives when they don't include alcohol. Make a list of the negative things. I'll bet that there are many more reasons not to drink than to drink.
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but "massive action" needs to start now. There is no perfect time to stop drinking! The time is NOW!
Great insight from my SR friends! Had a good sober day with my grandchildren. Lemon aid tasted good on this HOT!!!! Texas day.
ww43 I'm sorry you felt you couldn't post last night. Your comment was dully noted.
kevin2 no need to apologize, your insight in which I ponder on is appreciated.
Kimber thank you for making me feel it's ok to be jealous of where most of you are. : )
YJ hang in there and keep posting.
XOXO SR friends
Millie
06-28-2012, 03:01 AM
Starting again. Day two. John and kimber, I am thrilled to see you two with double digit days under your belt. Awesome. I thought about waiting until i had some days under belt before posting again, but my memory is not what it used to be, so need the reminder of start date. Lol. I can definitely appreciate how frustrating it is to watch folks start and fail, over and over again. It is frustrating to be one of the ones doing it too. :) First goal: 30 days. Got a big challenge next week: beach week with family and friends who will be drinking bunches.
Hi, just checking in. I just finished reading a book that gave the clearest description I have ever read that alcoholism is primarily a physiological disease and not a moral failing or character flaw. As it sank in (I thought it had years ago), I felt an enormous sense of peace. I had not realized how subtly I had held on to the notion that if I could just grow up, or just get my act together, then I could drink normally. Even though I accepted that I could never drink again, the part of my belief that said is was because of my character always tripped me up. It was just very nice to make that realization so completely. Have great sober days!
wlinser
06-28-2012, 05:52 AM
What's the title of the book? Finished day 7 yesterday. Day eight is today. Off to walk my dog and then head to a 7.00am AA mtg. Think I can use all of the help I can get. Have a great Thursday!
Midwest Sue
06-28-2012, 10:09 AM
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but "massive action" needs to start now. There is no perfect time to stop drinking! The time is NOW!
Christy, I don't think this is too harsh. It's a timely point especially as we enter another holiday week.
If anyone reading this wants to spend the 2nd half of 2012 sober, now is the time to commit. You may have had good intentions for the first half of the year that didn't work for you. It's never too late and it's never too soon to make a new commitment to yourself. There are really just two steps:
1. Don't drink today no matter what
2. Take massive action to improve your life
Repeat these steps each day. I guarantee that the struggle will be worth it and you will be a happier person at the end of 2012.
ww34, Sounds like a good plan. I have actually found real foods to be much cheaper. If you go for organic processed/pre-prepared foods then there is a premium. The main reason processed foods are more expensive is because of all the marketing that goes into them. The latest USDA statistics state that on average for every food dollar spent, only 16 cents goes to the farm. The rest is post harvest processing, packaging and marketing. Look for farmers markets and buy there, usually much cheaper. Also, downsize your meat expectations - go for quality over quantity.
I find my sobriety is much more even keeled when my diet is more stable and healthy. If I eat unhealthy, then I don't want to exercise, then I get depressed, and then... all a dangerous path for me. This is why I appreciate Patrick's insistence on growing your whole life. No drinking, eat healthy, and exercise - these are the three foundations of my life.
Anyway, it is Friday morning here and I can't wait for a sober weekend!
wlinser
06-29-2012, 07:12 AM
Day Eight - check. Beginning day nine. Hard to believe. Why stop now?
serenty
06-29-2012, 07:35 AM
Thank you Sue for your timely words that spoke to me. I am new here (hi everyone!) and have been embarassed to join because the first half of 2012 has been a series of glorious sobriety and dismal return to crappy living. Thank you for the challenge of a sober second half. Day one.
Midwest Sue
06-29-2012, 08:12 AM
Bravo, serenty! I'm so happy to hear that you are ready to do this.
The reason I feel confident giving a guarantee of increased happiness is because I am a changed person after 6 months of sobriety. I'm also one who never thought I could do it.
Flip the switch in your brain from loving alcohol to hating it. See it for the destructive force that it is.
Discover other things to do with your time.
When you get frustrated, exercise like crazy.
And don't drink today, no matter what!
Sue
kevin2
06-29-2012, 10:51 AM
My life just seems to have done a complete 360 and for that I am entirely grateful.
I think you might mean a 180 Kim..;-)...a 360 would put you right back where you were,..and you don't want that! Congrats on 23 days well done,..you sound so great. You'll be at 60 before you know it,..and great job John on your 2 weeks as well my man! I hope everyone has a great weekend! I coach my son's 9 yr old allstar baseball team and we play 4 games this weekend,..it's currently 104 freaking degrees and getting hotter,..it's crazy. Thank God I won't be drinking! How miserable would that be with a hangover.
btw, where are you Alison? We miss you here.
liberte
06-29-2012, 01:30 PM
Day 26, 27, 28, 29 done:] check. went to the mountains - no electricity - very peaceful.
wlinser
06-29-2012, 09:33 PM
Day Nine is almost over. Now the weekend . . . always a bit dodgy. Hope you all enjoy a wonderful weekend.
liberte
06-30-2012, 02:58 PM
Day 30 is almost over. Thank you to all for your support. I am going to continue the path I have chosen - sobriety. Best of luck to all of you. Be strong. It can be done - one day at a time.
Midwest Sue
06-30-2012, 03:17 PM
Wonderful news liberte!!
Millie
06-30-2012, 06:15 PM
Day 4 done. Heading to beach tomorrow where challenge will be tougher; I feel pretty confident. Happy 4th week folks.
wlinser
06-30-2012, 10:37 PM
Day 10 check. Weekends are a real challenge.
Good morning all... Almost comfy here before the sun bakes us... John, thanks for thinking of me, my friend. Automotive metaphors are pretty cool.! Not doing so well on weekends.. Went for a drive/hike up above 5000' yesterday to cool off but our neighborhood pub jumped out in the street while I was driving home. My wife met me there and we had a bite to eat w a few beers.. She went home and I stayed a bit with friends. Good fun, but can't do it sober. And cannot figure it out yet. Quite frustrating.. Btw, this pub is the kind of place where a sober person would be cool... Today we have a soccer finals party downtown at an alehouse. The frickin stuff is ubiquitous. Reeading "drinking: a love story" this morning. Most interesting....
Those racking up the days...good on all of you! You are my inspiration..
Take care...
Sally
07-01-2012, 07:17 AM
They say that our emotional development is stunted with the onset of our addictive behavior...that means that we still act like adolescents when confronted with conflict, stress, the unknown, fear...We have not grown up yet – we have not learned to deal with life as mature adults.
I know that my typical response to “you can’t do that” was usually “just watch me”. The hardest part for me was acknowledging that my drinking was not hurting anyone but myself. I often drank to piss off my partner or to deal with disappointment or stress, but in the end the only one who suffered was me. Pretty stupid logic huh?
Drinking to me was like slipping on an old pair of comfortable slippers – they may have been worn thin and they may have embarrassed me in front of my friends, but I would still slip them on and then it was too late. I could use any logic to justify having a drink.
With the upcoming holiday I thought I would offer you my motivator to staying sober. Maybe this will help some of you to not pick up. It is quite simple really – all I do is remind myself daily why I found SP in the first place. I took others advice and wrote down all of the terrible and humiliating things I did while drinking. I reflect on this list often. And I am finding that as I rack up more sober days I am remembering more and more incidences that make me flinch. My list is growing. But this is a good thing, because it keeps me focused, keeps me striving to remain sober.
You are right Kip; alcohol is ubiquitous, which makes it even harder to fight. It permeates our society – it is socially accepted – it is everywhere. It is alluring and seductive. And it frustrates me to no end that others can do it and I can’t. That is why I have to remind myself daily that if I pick up just one I will be right back to where I was in no time - and I don’t want to ever go there again....with each sober day I am finally finding peace and happiness.
I am blessed!! Simple as that! Every day I remind myself of my blessings and how good my life is without alcohol in it. I am growing, maturing, accomplishing things I have always wanted to do, reestablishing relationships that I thought were lost. It is all positive!! And I see so many of you also doing the same. Yeah for you!!
Be proud of your accomplishments – every day in the beginning can be challenging, but keep reminding yourself that you can do this – that you are finally growing up. And living like an adult can suck at times (LOL). Hang in there. Never quit quitting – If I can do this you can do this:] Have a great 4th of July and JUST DON”T DRINK!!! It is soooo not worth it!
wlinser
07-01-2012, 09:52 PM
day 11 is in the books. what a brilliant sunday. bring on the beginning of a new week!
James G
07-02-2012, 05:15 AM
[QUOTE= I am also thinking about other people....bdog, JeffR, ToddE, Morgan, JamesG, and others were here not long ago and now I don't see them. I always wonder when people drop off whether they started drinking again or they stopped drinking completely and stopped needing to post on here.[/QUOTE]
John, I'm here lurking about...after going close to six months I fell off my bike plus had two flat tires to repair so it has taken me awhile to get back on...but I am back on!
Really, Really felt disappointed in myself and felt I let this board down by giving in to the urge that in the end haunted me for weeks before leading up to caving in.
Anyway, I used the time on and off the bike as a learning process. Total abstinence is my calling. One or two just doesn't work.
I don't want to make it sound like slipping is something I am taken lightly or make it a reason someone else might think it's OK. IT"S NOT... my trigger was being obsessed with the image of a dark beer in a glass and sitting down enjoying it.
I know now that it is a deceiving image and hopefully I will be better prepared going forward.
One day at a time!
Midwest Sue
07-02-2012, 05:41 AM
I could tell right away he was shallow and all about his ego, money and material belongings. He brought me back to my car and we both agreed that it wasn't there. Left me feeling like "less than" and I hate that feeling.
Kimber, what can you learn from this? Why would you feel "less than" when there was no connection with a shallow person?
I love the image of you walking in the rain! you're facing painful times with courage and resolve. Hang in there!
James, good to have you back. I keep bike tools with me and will be happy to share. Just keep your eye on the road ahead. Glance at the rear view mirror but don't make it your focus or you'll crash again.
Sue
Im Here James G. Was in Canada on business and of course I let things go. And Have not been able to get back on the bike. Yet. Frustrating but Im not quitting. Sometimes little things like changes in the weather really set me back. I will not quit quitting.
Bdog
Wasnt to bad John. Until I get back. Its funny. the times I thing are going to be bad are not, its before or after. strange thing about drinking. It hits you when your not looking like a "Bully"
I had a "coming to Jesus meeting" with myself today. I am not productive when I drink. I lose too many wonderful memories when I drink.
I went on a hike with my family today hungover. I am tired of this crap!! I want freedom! My husband and kids don't deserve my drinking. I like myself too much to keep doing this.
God and my friends here....I am gonna need all y'all's strength for me to help myself.
Kimmy
07-03-2012, 04:27 AM
Hi everyone.. I have not posted in a while, but I am still here rooting for everyone. I am on day 92 stopped drinking April 1st I love being sober and reading all your posts really helps me. I sometimes wonder if I will slip up bit I think (and Hope) that after so many years of abuse I am done. I try not to make a big thing about it to my family never really talk about it. If my mom or sister say they are they are really proud of me I change the subject really quick to my quitting smoking which is 2 months on the 7. Don't know why I don't like talking about not drinking maybe that will come in time. I do know I would not have done it without all if you, maybe that is also why I don't post a lot, if I don't talk about it. It is not a problem?. I am around it all the time I serve it every night for a living.. Has anyone else noticed how many new vodka flavers there are out there now, lol... I'm like damn I picked the wrong time to quit.. Vodka was always my drink..lol.. This will be my first summer not drinking.. So many more people drink in the summer or are going out for drinks, spent the weekend with a few friends who drank a lot, didn't bother my that much, but their smoking cigs did more go figure...I am going to try to post more..happy 4th everyone..independence day, let's all celebrate ours sober.. Xoxi
Kimmy, first congratulations on that! I also wonder what is the proper balance between quitting and staying focused on the drinking. I think we can set ourselves up for failure by focusing on lives to much on the struggle not to drink. Granted, the first few months are extremely difficult, but once you establish a new habit it may be better to move on with your life. I am no expert, this is just a question I pose for myself. About the new flavors, that is how marketing works. I have never found a new flavor or brand that changed my life. In fact, they have never even been special - just marketing. I always went back to the same brand and my life was never changed because of it. Forget about the new brand or flavors, it is just another voice trying to get you to drink. Congrats again.
wlinser
07-03-2012, 08:32 AM
Day 12 in the books. Have begun Day 13. Think today is going to be a challenge. Feel a bit down. Just have to say to myself that I'm not going to drink today. One day at a time.
serenty
07-03-2012, 08:37 AM
wlinser! I have something that might make you happy! I am only on day 3, so look at how far ahead on the road to a better life you are. I can't wait to make to day 13 and you are already there. Hoooorah for you :)
hi Friends,
Today is gonna be a LONG day. It is noon and I am still in my pajamas....feeling like a slug. I am crouchy and gittery and my stomach is upset. I am mad at myself, frustrated, sad, disappointed, anxious at the idea that I may fail again.
I am sure I am terribly dehydrated as we hiked for hours straight up a mountain. The only thing I am proud of is that I didn't disappoint my family yesterday and had an awesome dispite feeling like crap.
I just want to sit and cry for a while. After that I am going to keep reading a new book that I just started today called Sober for Good: New solutions for drinking problems-advice from those who have succeeded. Everyone featured in the book has been sober for a minimum of 5 years. I think I need to inspiration...especially today.
wlinser, maybe we can struggle through this day together in order to log in your Day 13. I will keep you (especially) in my thoughts and prayers today! :)
Thanks, John! Tomorrow will be better when I get plenty of fluids and I feel better physically and take my dog for a walk. Your nice words made to quit crying atleast.
hi all.....
Kimmy, awesome amazing. 92-days sober is a huge inspiration and you deserve all kinds of congrats... all of you who have put days under your belts and tell the rest of us about it are such a help. It just seems like it takes time for the checkered flag to drop on drinking and the green flag to fall on sobriety. Interesting how everybody has to reach their own point.
Noel, it's ok, just pick yourself up and hydrate . i feel for you when i read your story. i went to the mountains in NC last weekend for inspiration and it only worked for a while. Like John says, just go green. I hope you can stay strong tomorrow... I hope we all can...
bdog, the bike waits patiently for all of us.. may need to oil the chain and add a bit of air but it's there. i hope we can start pushing the pedals again..
Kimber, your journey inspires and the details give me an appreciation for how you are checking off each day... and your rain walker story is great. That is kind of a massive change thing, wouldn't you say..? I'm reading Steve Jobs' bio now and it's interesting how he pushed against the world so hard. He had plenty of enemies but lots of them were status quoers who just couldn't handle his intensity. Doesn't seem he was much of a drinker although he did play the drug game for a bit.. The point is, defying convention can often land us in a new view of reality. Walking in the rain is one way to do it..very cool..!
Sally, thanks for the insight. Yes, it's just crazy that we face an addiction to something that's so prevalent. It's true that stopping will likely be the hardest thing any of us do... and it's such a personal thing, even a private one, when you really boil it down. When I finally figure it out I will treasure it like nothing else.
John, thanks for your concern. Yes, I'm thinking of that alignment analogy as well...it's that simple but not easy part. And here comes the 4th of July when we have friends over for social stuff. I think the simplicity of it is something I might be overthinking as I seek the perfect alignment. The simple answer is just don't drink... as I tell my wife, others don't even think of this decision unless they're just feeling bad or hungover and don't do the hair of the dog. We are faced with expending energy every day to make the decision. Unless there's a way, as some have mentioned here, to redirect energy and let the habit kind of fall away... I bet if I had a marathon or an auto race everyday I would avoid it.
Oink oink.. forum hogging is finished for now.. gonna scoot home soon... chill for a bit with dogs, plop into a hot bath (sounds crazy when it's hot but it feels good) then finish off Drinking: A love story. This has been an interesting read...
Happy 4th my SR friends...
Sally
07-03-2012, 02:47 PM
Great posts! Kimber, one of the quotes I have hanging near my computer that applies to what you said, and I often feel, "There is something beautiful about every emotional state. It's O.K. to feel." don't know who said it - it was one of my horoscopes one day.
Hi Y'all,
Sorry if I hogged the thread today...I needed it! I made it through the day without coming out of my skin.
I even made myself proud. I went to get a mani and pedi today and the salon owner ALWAYS offers my friend and I wine. She took it and I passed. I already had my cranberry juice with sprite and lime slices. I am sure everyone thought I was drinking a vodka and cranberry which was one of my typical drinks as I get my nails done. I told my friend that I promised my husband that I would not drink today so I didn't....end of conversation.
It is 10:30, I am sober and extremely tired. Loved all the posts today...y'all got me through this one! :) One day at a time. Happy safe and sober 4th
Christy
07-03-2012, 08:21 PM
Noel-Hooray for you today! You were not "hogging" this thread. You did exactly what you needed to do for you today!
I've been thinking about you since your first post today. I know that feeling over a year ago too well. That first few days are living hell. But you made it girl. So proud of you!
I also remember too well how my cat annoyed me the same way. Wanting so much attention and tripping over him all over the house.
Christy
07-03-2012, 08:27 PM
Kimmy=92 days! That's great and especially when you serve alcohol for a living like i do. All that new flavored vodka? It's overrated! Cake vodka and such? Really?
It's all a marketing ploy to think that it's really a good thing. Don't let all those ads fool you, you are doing great!
wlinser
07-04-2012, 02:18 AM
Great job to all on their days of sobriety. It's not easy. For those struggling (aren't we all?, keep working it. Day 13 - check. It's day 14 now. Fell asleep around 9.00pm after a day that definitely improved after a crappy start. Didn't drink - not really tempted. At times, I feel as though it's easier just to go to bed earlier than to stay awake and think about things. The bad bit is that you wake up at odd hours of the night - like now. Have to keep busy and fill my schedule these next few days that I'm not working. Happy Independence Day!
Millie
07-04-2012, 04:51 AM
Happy 4th folks. Day 8- start of week two. I am on the coast with friends and family who are drinking morning noon and night. So far, I haven't had any problem sticking with my ginger ale, though. One nice thing about the beach is that there is plenty to do. I think I mainly drink out of bad habit and boredom.
Happy holiday..kinda cool morning here in SC, but another scorcher on the way... Just finished "drinking: a love story"... What a ride that poor woman had...so much to relate to.. The insights are spot on.. So sad that she passed away.
Kimber, the shuddering story is perfect. I can't count how many times I've awaken and panicked running to my garage, wondering if I damaged my car (it's happened, but fortunately minor and no one affected). The shudder was deeply physical and I even shudder now to think of it. Loss of memory is perhaps the most terrifying thing about this illness..
John, thanks for the story..good for you. The stage is set here.. I reluctantly agreed to have a little party here today and have obsessed for 24 hrs on how to make it sober.. Something tells me I can..but the fridge is full and everyone here will be Japanese.. Fairly restrained drinking but drinking nonetheless. My mind has always said I switch to speaking Japanese if if have a few but today I want to challenge that assumption. I'm just sick of the damn stuff. Maybe m fluency will improve...がんばります! So here we go... If I make it you all get the credit.
Wlinser, great job on 13 days! Whoo hoo....
Hey sylvane, good to "see" you here...hope you're well in SoCal...
Noel, no hogging there..do what ya gotta do, as Christy said. My dogs are annoying under my feet like that and my kids are annoying as college adults but I must de-trigger. Crawling out of our skin is a unique alcoholic trait. Maybe it's ok if we can see ourselves objectively and not drink. Hope your 4th is mellow...
I hope all of you have a peaceful and sober day..hang in there friends and let it shine..
Midwest Sue
07-04-2012, 06:30 AM
Happy Independence Day!
It's a perfect day to declare/celebrate your independence from alcohol!
Embrace all the benefits of freedom today, and don't drink, no matter what.
Kimmy
07-04-2012, 08:00 AM
Happy 4th of July..
I gotta say since I don't talk about my not drinking at home it was really nice too hear it here as you all know the struggle we have.. Sally I so agree with your girlfriend so much easier for me to think before and after, don't really think about the days one at a time. Noel you will be there with me I had a lot of false starts myself, before I joined sp. Kip you are right we all have are own personnel bottom. I abused drinking so bad for so many years, and yes I too shudder when I think of the blackouts, driving, my kids seeing me.. But I also know I can't dwell on those times. This is a new me so I look forward to a better second half of my life, knowing my grandson (18 months) will never see me drunk.
I cannot change the past only create a better future. I have a lot more time on my hands now, I got laid off from my job after 30 years about 3 yrs ago but I always worked 2 jobs, so I still waitress, looking back how did I do 70 hr work weeks raising 2 kids on my own, all the while drinking ? And wonder how much more productive I could have been if I didn't drink, because now my energy is better my mind is clearer and I really like myself a lot more. Funny I find I don't put up with bullshit and drama anymore like i use too. 2 more great reasons why I love being sober.. I feel sorta funny talking about myself a lot but I also realize sharing stories helps. I know checking in everyday to see how everyone is doing really keeps me connected.. It sorta like having a second family except we only help each other.. Lol..Have great holiday
Once upon a time, in lovely New Zealand, I bungy jumped into the cold August air from a bridge 150 above a river. It was an effort to cure my fear of heights... Holy crap it was scary! Were I there today that leap would be a piece of cake compared to this battle I'm heading into..gotta dig up what helped me lean off that icy platform and just go go..
Hi All! Happy 4th of July! How fitting for us all that today is "Independence Day." :)
I woke up this morning at 6:00 a.m. feeling great!! I took the dog for a long walk while the sun was rising. I have already balanced two of our checking accounts, paid bills, filed the bills, done two loads of laundry, bought paint to paint my laundry room, been to Wal-Mart, and the bank, and Starbucks.....all before NOON! Today was the "old me" that goes and goes and accomplishes everything under the sun.
My goal is to feel just as great tomorrow morning as I did today!! Be sober and safe.
wlinser
07-05-2012, 07:25 AM
Day 14 (and Independence Day) is over. Now on to the beginning of my third week. Need to try to get to the gym today and accomplish something. Sleeping way too much. I can only control myself.
Good morning.... John, lol, thanks for the confidence booster...believe me, my Japanese is pretty coarse and I've slowed down behind the wheel! I like the mini-weekend reference; a holiday is crazy when you're imagining what other people are doing - i was fantasizing about being on a nearby mountain lake in our kayak..with beer.... btw, regarding bungy, I only knew the jump was a success when the rope reached its maximum length and didn't break...like hitting bottom, as we say, and you're still alive. I'm looking at the picture here in my office right now - nothing but my backside and narrow river way down.. yikes!
Thanks to you and others on this forum, I slogged my way through the holiday sober. Our friends stayed several hours and i finally got my head around just sitting there and listening to the conversation. Doing that required drinking a crapload of seltzer water spiked with limes! I guess the predominant emotion came at the end - relief..... i crawled into bed at 8:30, sober and calm, and read until the book fell on my face. That has to be the first 4th of July in my drinking life when I didn't drink. The amazing thing is how much energy it took to get there. Simple - don't drink. But actually doing it is incredibly difficult... i guess i need to stop telling myself that this is easy.... on the other hand, have any of you ever read "the easy way to stop drinking"..? it's a pretty compelling story; perhaps in the spirit of living sober sucks but being drunk sucks more. i may revisit it for some clarity..
Noel, congrats... it sounds like you made it through the day... isn't it amazing what we can get done when we give ourselves a clear head and some sense of purpose...? i think that as we drink we know deep inside that we are holding back the real person that we knew before.
I hope everyone had a good holiday and look forward to hear of your experiences, whatever they Take care all....
I love what you said ," I think as we drink we know deeep inside that we are holding back the real person that we knew before." Amen to that statement!
Hi All!
Signing off for several days. Going on vacation with the family where they have no cell service and no WiFi AND in a "dry county". Looking forward to all of the above and the hiking, fishing,tubing, horseback riding, panning for gold in the river just out back of our rental house. :) AND we get to bring our dogs which lowers my blood pressure. I worry when we have to board my babies.
Hugs to all and have a good week.
Allyson
07-05-2012, 06:08 PM
Hello! Back finally with some baseline sobriety and some hope under my belt. It's been a few months since I last posted here. Total surrender is the only way to go and I just wasn't there before. Wishing anyone who's still wavering "the gift of desperation." Allyson
ToddE
07-05-2012, 08:18 PM
Hope everyones independence day went well. Good to see so many success stories posted. The party I was at the beer and wine were flowing. I felt a slight twing at the beginning when all the guys at the table I was sitting at were pounding 'em pretty good. It passed fairly quickly and I just enjoyed my time chatting and mingling a bit.
James G, I'm doing well. Coming up on four months soon. Haven't been posting much, because I don't need to as often I guess. Feeling pretty comfortable in sobriety at the moment. Still attending meetings fairly regularly, but can see a time when will taper off those also. Glad you're doing well.
Kimmy, congrats on 3 months.
Allyson, glad your back on board.
Tere, Welcome home.
Take care everyone, Todd
janny
07-06-2012, 05:47 AM
O.K. Sooo...I spent yesterday out on the lake - all day - with several neighbors who were bobbing in the lake with beers in hand. I had my vanilla soda so was fine. But after 6 hours and then all of them wanting to congregate for steaks and ribs and carry on I said enough was enough for me. For some reason it just got to be too overwhelming watching everyone bob and drink - was it envy? I don't know. I didn't have any desire to drink I think it was just the mental thought of being "one of them"??? Does that make sense? My husband wanted to go back and when I deferred - and then explained - he supported me. First time in a long time - go figure. Anyway another 4th under my belt without a fifth LOL Have a great rest of the week - and JUST DON'T DRINK!!
Hi Sally I can relate to this.... I'm new to the forum and looking to get online support, suggestions to get sober.I understand the lifestyle change i need but how do you stay away from drinking friends without totally alienating yourself from the world especially when your family also are drinkers?Also I have tried to get sober before and will initially feel really down and depressed. any suggestions for combating those feelings without using another drug? I am a big runner and that helps a little.
JeffR1
07-06-2012, 06:20 AM
Hi Janny. Welcome to the forum. You’re in the right place for getting sober. I joined about 6 months ago and I’m now enjoying sobriety. It can be difficult to make the lifestyle change, but it doesn’t have to be forever. It is important though in the early stages that you put ‘you’ first. Maybe if you can look at it more like you are helping yourself heal and you’ll be a much healthier person when you do get to spend time with your family and friends later.
It’s great you like running as exercise can definitely help. Take it easy though in the early days also as your body will take time to adjust to the changes it is going through. Drink plenty – I mean plenty – of water each day. This really helps to flush the body of the residues and toxins. I found I was dehydrated a lot for the first few weeks and the water really helped – it also helped reduce cravings.
I also kept a daily hand-written journal to help make sense of and get out the feelings I was experiencing and I wrote like a man possessed. It really helped me to get through the cravings and the heightened emotions I experienced.
I strongly recommend you read heavily of the articles provided by the site founder, Patrick, and read back on this forum thread from the beginning. Both are fantastic sources of knowledge, guidance and inspiration.
Lastly, post here often – especially if you don’t feel like posting – yes, especially when you don’t feel like posting! I can attest that there were those times when I felt bad and just taking a few minutes to post for some reason helped me feel so much better.
Take care. Be kind to yourself. And, have a great sober day. Regards, Jeff.
Sally
07-06-2012, 07:13 AM
Welcome Janny!! Ditto for everything that Jeff said. You CAN do this. It IS hard the first few weeks, but it does get better with time:] Keep reminding yourself of that. My favorite quote is "There is something beautiful about every emotional state. It's O.K. to feel." So just roll with the feelings initially, the good and the bad. I bought a "Count Your Blessings" jar and every morning or night I try to write down at least 3, sometimes more things that I am blessed with. When I feel bad, I pull them out and start reading through them. This may help you as well. Good luck.
janny
07-06-2012, 09:17 AM
Hi Janny. Welcome to the forum. You’re in the right place for getting sober. I joined about 6 months ago and I’m now enjoying sobriety. It can be difficult to make the lifestyle change, but it doesn’t have to be forever. It is important though in the early stages that you put ‘you’ first. Maybe if you can look at it more like you are helping yourself heal and you’ll be a much healthier person when you do get to spend time with your family and friends later.
It’s great you like running as exercise can definitely help. Take it easy though in the early days also as your body will take time to adjust to the changes it is going through. Drink plenty – I mean plenty – of water each day. This really helps to flush the body of the residues and toxins. I found I was dehydrated a lot for the first few weeks and the water really helped – it also helped reduce cravings.
I also kept a daily hand-written journal to help make sense of and get out the feelings I was experiencing and I wrote like a man possessed. It really helped me to get through the cravings and the heightened emotions I experienced.
I strongly recommend you read heavily of the articles provided by the site founder, Patrick, and read back on this forum thread from the beginning. Both are fantastic sources of knowledge, guidance and inspiration.
Lastly, post here often – especially if you don’t feel like posting – yes, especially when you don’t feel like posting! I can attest that there were those times when I felt bad and just taking a few minutes to post for some reason helped me feel so much better.
Take care. Be kind to yourself. And, have a great sober day. Regards, Jeff.
Thanks Jeff for your comments.I appreciate the recommendations drinking water and taking it easy on the runs. In the past I would ramp up my workout routine and I think that was counter productive.I will try the journaling(I'm always afraid someone else may read it!)but I will give it a try, all are great ideas to get me started and focused.Thanks again,
Janny.
janny
07-06-2012, 09:18 AM
Thank you sally what a great idea I will try that too.
Janny
Oh Kimber,
I just cried reading your post because I have felt so alone with no one to turn to fighting the urges to drink. I gave up to the fight so many times, but like you, feel so different this time. Thank you so much for opening up your heart in your writings. You are such an inspiration to me.
Kudos,
Tere
I know I was a little taken aback by my emotions, but it feels so good to let my feelings out. Like Kimber, I have a hard time with "feelings" . I like to put everything in order in my mind, but realized that is what keepd me drinking. Especially when I feel I have no control.
I guess acceptance is the key word. And like me I am sure others' struggle with Acceptance.
" We don't ahve to act on each feeling that passes through us, just let it flow"
I remember reading that statement in recovery. I need to remember that:0
Have, I mean. (I need to proof read my posts).
wlinser
07-06-2012, 11:52 AM
Knocked off day 15 yesterday. Had one massive craving but that disappeared when I started thinking and working on something else. No point in starting the count over, eh? Have a great Friday!
Sally
07-06-2012, 12:06 PM
Kimber congrats on 30 days - you are doing GREAT!! And by all means celebrate. I just went out today and bought myself a gold bracelet - WAY, WAY more than I planned on spending, but I thought "you deserve it - you have gone over a whole year with nothing but a minor slip here and there." So I took a deep breath and bought it...and I have been admiring it all day. I am also going to wear it 24/7 and use it as a reminder that I no longer drink - yeah me!!
Jeff - 21 is also great - keep on keeping on.
Wlinser - 15 - who'd of thought - and look at you....
Tere - you can do this!!!
janny
07-06-2012, 12:21 PM
Thanks John-I'm already feeling a sense of well being from this group.My mind wants to wonder into the Friday night mode but instead, I'm thinking of a new project, or to go to the movies, just to get out of the house.Unfortunately my husband likes to drink and I'm at the point I can't change him but I can change myself.This is the tough part because I feel I need to seperate myself from him during this period but I can't because he is my husband an we have a family.
Welcome janny..you found a wonderful place..three things give me hope for sobriety... My wife, running, and spiritual river.. Running has been in my life for 35 years..if you do it you know how it helps.. So run janny, run..! Away from drinking and towards water, peace, freedom.. All those things our SR friends tell us as they trailblaze ahead.. A few months back I read this whole post.. Amazing.. I wish you the best.. JeffR..good to "see" you again, friend.
Ps - oh... Forgot to include my two wiener dogs meg and toro, the true definition of unconditional love..:)
janny
07-06-2012, 01:50 PM
Welcome janny..you found a wonderful place..three things give me hope for sobriety... My wife, running, and spiritual river.. Running has been in my life for 35 years..if you do it you know how it helps.. So run janny, run..! Away from drinking and towards water, peace, freedom.. All those things our SR friends tell us as they trailblaze ahead.. A few months back I read this whole post.. Amazing.. I wish you the best.. JeffR..good to "see" you again, friend.
Ps - oh... Forgot to include my two wiener dogs meg and toro, the true definition of unconditional love..:)
Wow thanks Kip-
I too have so much to be thankful for. I used to love my early morning runs.Maybe I can get back to them. It was a great way to start the day.Thank you.
JeffR1
07-06-2012, 02:08 PM
Hi everyone. Thanks for the mention Janny, John, Kip and Sally. I haven’t been posting as much lately. I guess I haven’t ‘needed’ to do so as I’m getting along well with sobriety much better these days. SR still is a big part of my sobriety and I read a number of times every day (iPhones are great). In fact, I always start my day with a coffee and reading here. So please know everyone here is helping in some way and I really appreciate it all. I follow your progress and cheer you on from ‘down under’!
Next Wednesday will be 6 months of sobriety for me and I’m proud of that – I’m also grateful that I’m no longer a slave to alcohol. I still have those moments when my emotions are heightened and ‘that voice in the back of the head’ tries to convince me a drink will make everything better! Thankfully, it’s a lot easier to tell ‘It’ to go away and be quiet. One of the things I still really enjoy the most is going off to bed sober and drifting peacefully into a relaxed deep sleep. I love that moment just before sleep when you feel like you are floating and your body is so relaxed. I am sleeping much better these days and I really love it!
Congratulations Kimber on 30 days – that is a really fantastic milestone! I reckon the first 30 is the hardest, so I really encourage you to shoot for 60 days now.
Best wishes everyone wherever you are on your journey; sorry I can’t mention everyone by name, but thank you all. Have a great sober day!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEtsAjzpStY
Millie
07-07-2012, 11:26 AM
Day 11! John, I survived week at the beach. :). Boy, it was amazing (shocking?) how much the rest of the adults in the house were drinking each day. Bloody marys in the morning, followed by many many beers on the beach. Margaritas in the afternoon. Wine or more beer at dinner. It went on and on. I stuck with my ginger ale and nonalcoholic beers (went through 1 whole six pack during the week lol) and it FELT great to be going to bed sober...waking up refreshed and feeling good and not worried about what I said or did. LOVED IT. I've decided to stay dry through July and then see. Congrats all who are adding more and more days. Good job.
yogajunkie
07-07-2012, 02:30 PM
i’m sorry that my post a couple of weeks ago after 2 drinks triggered/inflamed some seeking support here. (maybe the posts have been removed? i can’t find them to quote here.) that said, i did appreciate the encouragement from those i mentioned who shared their understanding.
if the rules are that one ought not to post on the same day that one has had a drink, then i encourage SR to be explicit about that so folks can sidestep a sanction. in my post, i was beginning to open up some vulnerable places that i don’t feel like i can mention or discuss elsewhere. had i known that one ought not to refer to active, even if different, drinking then i would have waited until the next day (day one, again!) to post my thoughts and request for support from the community. (interestingly/ incidentally, once this issue was raised, i recalled and noticed posts that mentioned “day 0” which i think is the same thing, right?)
i think of SR as a place to get encouragement from like-minded people who understand-- wherever they/we are and no matter how many times they/we’ve slipped on this journey. it was not my intention to inadvertently trigger anyone by mentioning the 2 cocktails i had had; in fact it was much more about exploring, then congratulating myself on how interesting it had been to do something different than what i had done for >5 years.
and yes, in some ways it was a way to test the waters of trust and safety in this forum. in the past i have been reluctant to share the details of my struggle with ANY others and the discourse i mention certainly reinforced those fears. regardless, i now have more information about what to expect and the criticisms expressed and policies offered have been duly noted. i will try to remain open while i observe them.
thanks for listening and, as always, thanks for the community.
more soon,
YJ
James G
07-07-2012, 05:31 PM
Hi everyone. Thanks for the mention Janny, John, Kip and Sally. I haven’t been posting as much lately. I guess I haven’t ‘needed’ to do so as I’m getting along well with sobriety much better these days. SR still is a big part of my sobriety and I read a number of times every day (iPhones are great). In fact, I always start my day with a coffee and reading here. So please know everyone here is helping in some way and I really appreciate it all. I follow your progress and cheer you on from ‘down under’!
Next Wednesday will be 6 months of sobriety for me and I’m proud of that – I’m also grateful that I’m no longer a slave to alcohol. I still have those moments when my emotions are heightened and ‘that voice in the back of the head’ tries to convince me a drink will make everything better! Thankfully, it’s a lot easier to tell ‘It’ to go away and be quiet. One of the things I still really enjoy the most is going off to bed sober and drifting peacefully into a relaxed deep sleep. I love that moment just before sleep when you feel like you are floating and your body is so relaxed. I am sleeping much better these days and I really love it!
Congratulations Kimber on 30 days – that is a really fantastic milestone! I reckon the first 30 is the hardest, so I really encourage you to shoot for 60 days now.
Best wishes everyone wherever you are on your journey; sorry I can’t mention everyone by name, but thank you all. Have a great sober day!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEtsAjzpStY
Jeff, great to hear you're closing in on six months..man I was so close before I succumbed to "IT" I just hit a point where I rationalized in my head that the pain of fighting "IT" off was stronger than the eventual pain of giving in.
Still sorting through why I let all the emotions, and thoughts lead me to falling backwards after going and feling so strong. Positive take home message...lessons learned for sure.
Keep up the good fight my freind, and congrats again on leading the way with over 5 months! Don't give in, trust me "IT" is not worth "IT"
Believe!
http://youtu.be/X5z-jjWyAJQ
Aaaahhhh....long business trip done. I can finally get back to a normal routine with a stronger focus on health and fitness. I knew this trip had been bad for me and a trip to the scale showed I was topping out at my highest weight ever. This was directly a result of no exercise and all eating out (which is a big reason I hate travelling for work now). The big issue is to not let this temporary set back become a "what's the use" pity party. It will only take a few days to see improvement, so...today, no drinking no matter what and get off my butt and exercise. I think a long walk with the dog is in order this morning.
Sally
07-08-2012, 04:59 AM
GOOD MORNING AMERICA!!! And all the friends further out…..Hope you had a sober weekend….life is good if you let it be. Here is a quote to start your day.
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” - Bob Moawad
Never quit quitting….have a great Sunday and a great week if your Sunday is almost over. I will carry each and everyone of you in my pocket as I go forth on this day!
janny
07-08-2012, 05:19 AM
Good for you Sally you sound great.I'm struggling day by day not sure what it takes to string many days together sometimes I feel I need a different environment but can't because of responsibilities.the "witching hour" is toughest for me.will try again today.
Midwest Sue
07-08-2012, 06:03 AM
Uplifting posts from so many! Great to see. Sally, I love your quote and will also carry you in my pocket as I move into this day with no apologies or excuses!
Allyson
07-08-2012, 06:06 AM
21 days today and so relieved to be free of the obsession. It took quite a push to get me here. For the first time in my life I was contemplating rehab. Instead I decided to go with a phone counseling option- 1/2 an hour, 5 days a week. It was not exactly as advertised (more 12-Step facilitation than what I was anticipating) but nevertheless very helpful. I wish I had done something like this sooner as I was clearly at a point where I was not able to go it alone but once having some help things really changed for me. I completely understand the problem of the "witching hour" janny- that was my biggest problem exactly. I don't ever want to deal with that again.
So even after 3 weeks my life is so much better- happier, more productive, I look better. Things are good.
I am starting Day 5 and cannot believe it. This is the longest I have gone in months! I have noticed the past couple of nights I am up for an hour or so but know this is common when my mind is getting rehabilitated:) I am so grateful I found this site while researching on the internet. Every morning I wake up and want to read everyone's milestones and struggles. Sharing others' stories helps me tremendously. So on this new day of the start of a new week , I want to thank everyone and wish all all the power to succeed!
janny
07-08-2012, 08:07 AM
Allyson so happy for you.would love any advice or routine you found to get beyond that tough time of day.i yearn to get to the point of how you are feeling. Will keep trying:)
Sally
07-08-2012, 09:12 AM
Janny - you will find that many of the people on this site also suffered from the "witching hour syndrome". Here are some techniques I used to get me thru the first week:
I white knuckled it, drank tons of water with lemon, made sure I ate around 3:00/4:00 pm because when I had a full stomach (with a good meal in it) I was not inclined to want to drink, made a list of all the dissapointing things that I had done under the influence and read it whenever I felt an urge to drink, reminded myself daily (sometimes by the minute) why I was doing this and how blessed I was to find SP, started putting hearts on the calendar for every day I did not drink, started writing my blessings down and putting them in a jar, pampered myself big time the first week, said no to folks when I wanted to, made a list of things I wanted to accomplish around my house and then started doing them around the witching hour, avoided the usual routine at night - for me it was sitting on the couch veging out in front of the tv or searching on the computer.
I also posted tons...LOL and read all of Patricks articles and other posts. Bought lots of self-help books, non drinking books and started reading....well I could go on....but you get my drift.
Janny - JUST DO IT!! and keep telling yourself that you will beat this beast and reclaim your life - you are in charge of your life NOT alcohol. Good luck:]
Allyson
07-08-2012, 09:20 AM
Hi Janny-
For me it wasn't so simple as getting through that time of day, but more getting to the point where I was so done that I didn't even think about that time of day when it rolled around. I spent probably about a year wavering, with maybe a week sober here and there but deep down I hadn't committed. My drinking got worse late this spring/early this summer and it just became clear that the way I was living wasn't sustainable. I made the decision to do the phone therapy and plan my quit a few days in advance (versus in the aftermath of a hangover). I went to a party that last day and got quite drunk but I knew I was done and told people so. I got a lot of support because the people I chose to tell have also struggled with their drinking and are also people who really care about me and vice versa (Aunt and Uncle who are close to my age and cousin, plus my husband). I started the phone therapy the next day and also have attended 2 AA womens' meetings. I'll probably attend AA again but it's not going to figure big in my recovery-as an occasional thing out of town it's okay. What else... I've developed a temporary diet soda habit- I don't normally drink soda but I just feel like I need a substitute bad habit right now : ) Since quitting I've been to a huge party where there was lots of drinking and also to a venue serving lots of alcohol to see Sarah Silverman : ) : ) : ) (Who by the way doesn't drink, which makes me feel good). I had no problems in either situation, even when my daughter who has zero problems with alcohol had a glass of wine. How I gave birth to one of these weirdos who does not always finish their drink is beyond me. I'm so glad she doesn't seem to have my bad genes when it comes to this!
I think the main thing that's helped me is that I've really come to terms with the reality that I am not able to drink without it taking over, that moderation doesn't work for me, and that I can have alcohol or I can have a life that's really worth living. I could feel sorry for myself but really there are way worse problems one could have.
I've also enjoyed reading Stephanie Wilder Taylor's blog "Don't Get Drunk Fridays." Her story of how she got sober and how some of the other women who shared there stories drank and got sober I find I can related to more than most. I'm one of these people who was pretty good at hiding the extent of the problem- I'm a professional and have tons of work and home responsibilities, didn't drive drunk, etc. etc. I was on the verge of some bad things happening though- lots of grey-outs blurring into blackouts; increased anger (not at all my personality); tired and hungover all the time; barely able to keep things together except for the bare minimum to avoid catastrope (i.e. not getting paid, detection, total squalor at home). I'm so disappointed that my husband threw away this photo he took of my bedroom wastebasket that last weekend- I'd post it. It was overflowing with my mini wine bottle empties that I'd recently discovered were good for sneak drinking or drinking on my way home from work in the car (not drunk driving at least because it's a short trip- just illegal open container craziness). Sheesh! Nevermind the mountain of big wine bottles in the recycling.
I think in retrospect that I should have gotten help sooner. I could not totally do it on my own. Patrick talks about this and I really see the truth in it now. It's hard to quit on your own even when it seems like it should be easy and you should just be able to do it. I beat myself up over this so many times, feeling like something was wrong with me. Yeah, duh, like alcoholism! That's why it's hard. Luckily it's not impossible or we wouldn't all be here in our various stages of sobriety. You'll get it if you hang in and keep trying. Just don't quit quitting.
I made shortcakes this morning which just felt AWESOME to do- I haven't baked in so long. Next is cutting up the strawberries that go with them and making whipped cream out of coconut milk (something new I'm trying). Another pleasure of my newly reclaimed sobriety is that I have a little more freedom to eat now that alcohol isn't taking up my entire caloric allowance for the day and then some.
Best to all
\
Allyson, I read your first post today where you discussed doing the counseling by phone and it made me think about my own situation. I agree completely with your last post about rehab and moderation, excellent post.
I have been reading but not posting much lately and doing a lot of self reflection. It took me almost a year, but I finally get that Patrick is right and the best thing for an addict to do is to go to rehab. I don't know that it would have worked for me back when I first joined here because I thought I could figure it out on my own. I now realize that was my AV inflating my ego. That leads me to the most important aspect: Surrender. Patrick mentions it in most of his articles and I realized it was necessary, I just didn't honestly practice it. You have to fully surrender to the fact that alcohol is controlling your life and that you need help. If you refuse to say you are powerless, then why are you still drinking? I was powerless.
If I relapse again, I will find a rehab ASAP. That advice seemed over the top to me a year ago, now it makes perfect sense. If you are learning something new in life, let's say to play guitar, you don't just go buy a guitar and start trying to figure it out, you hire an instructor, an expert that has already learned the skill you are attempting to acquire. Duh! Don't re-invent the wheel, seek out professional help! So simple, so frightening, so true.
If you are struggling or just getting started, keep reading, keep posting, give AA a chance (it worked for me), or lower your guard and consider rehab. I thought rehab was for someone much worse off than myself, but I was wrong. If you are ready to get your life back, then consider giving rehab serious consideration.
One more thing on changing/breaking habits; everyone has heard the expression nature abhors a vacuum, meaning empty or unfilled spaces are unnatural and it applies directly to drinking. You can't just stop drinking and not replace it with another activity and expect to not eventually drift back to your old habit, you must replace it with something else. You pick the activity; join a gym, go to church, go to AA, join a club, volunteer at an animal shelter, teach people how to read, the choice is yours. The point is to find something you enjoy to occupy your old "witching hours" or it is likely you will wind up back where you started.
Allyson
07-08-2012, 06:36 PM
Thanks Ken, and absolutely same with me- if I relapse again (perish the thought) I will get into rehab ASAP. I had the same whole mind thing about it being for "other people worse than me." Crazy. This whole episode with me dragged on way too long- hours, days, and months I'll never get back- with potential health costs I can't afford. Sigh... But moving forward I went to a great yoga class tonight for the first time in forever and I can hardly wait till I have time for another one- maybe Wednesday. Wishing all of you here well. Such a treat to go to bed not drunk.
wlinser
07-08-2012, 09:30 PM
day 18 - check. why stop now?
janny
07-09-2012, 04:40 AM
Sally,Allyson and Ken-
Thanks for all your input and i feel stronger after reading all these posts.I've got great plans for this week.Good evening meals and eating earlier in the day.I plan to start cross training, pool and bike, not just running. Continue with lots of water.I hope to reconnect with my church i pray often but have not attended a mass in a while.I will go to the library for some books.
I loved your breakfast idea of fresh whip cream and strawberries.That really hit me hard because that is one of the things alcohol has robbed me of,those little special,simple pleasures in life like making a great recipe or sewing a nice pillow or creating a garden in your backyard.I've lost the desire to do all those things and I'm hoping over time I will want to enjoy those things again.
Thanks again for this forum.Have a great day.
James G
07-09-2012, 08:40 AM
day 18 - check. why stop now?
That's right you're on a roll...don't stop-STOPPING!
Isn't it funny how those little demon thoughts can sabotage all our strengths and victories. It still amazes me how those demons can pop back in unexpectedly. I struggled last night but put every tool I have learned and heard into my mind. Then I poured myself some apple cherry juice. Wow, did that taste good:) So glad I did.
Millie
07-09-2012, 11:52 AM
Day 13. It is hard to believe it will already be two weeks tomorrow. So far, so good. I hope everyone is having a good day.
Millie
07-09-2012, 01:04 PM
John, sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I hate those Monday blues. Hang in there... You may need to crank it up a notch soon and start the exercise challenge or something similar. I know, I know, who am I to give advice. Lol. Last year, the exercise challenge did take my mind/hyper focus off "not drinking" and onto trying to get my exercise done each day, which seemed to help....at least for awhile. :). I head back to the beach in less than a month and my new goal, on top of not drinking, is to lose as many pounds as I can before then. I spied a few pictures of me last week and it wasn't pretty. Hehe.
Patrick Meninga
07-09-2012, 08:59 PM
I never know how much I should push the concept of rehab and professional treatment.
Ultimately it saved my life. But, I had to go 3 times before I "got it."
In the end, I suppose that it's not perfect, but it's still the best solution we've got......
JacquieC
07-10-2012, 12:32 AM
Hi All, long time no blog!!! Today is day 184 for me, yep that is 6 months and some.... Overall I can honestly say some days are really really great and some are not but thats life I think. We have just been away for a family holiday to Phuket, it was great and easy to sit by the pool when it was sunny and hot but then the rain started and never stopped...... I looked out and saw people watching the rain whilst sitting in the pool bar and I will admit it was hard. I would have thought with 6 months under my belt it would be much easier, but some days suck. Maude still sits on my shoulder tempting me saying "one little cocktail, no one will know" but I hung tight and told her to "shut up". I just keep telling myself that "today I will not drink" and repeat that over and over until the craving passes and then I am fine.
So many new faces which is great to see, hang in there guys, be strong. It IS worth it, never think its not.....
Cheers
Jacquie
Hi All,
Welcome so many new people. I havent wrote since I got back from my business trip which started the old ball rolling again. Its been so hot and I lost interest in the things that were keeping me dry. Anyways. back to day one but Its not as bad as the past day ones since I was working on tapering down the last several days in anticipation of quitting. But its still not the same as days and days sober. keep quitting.
Patrick, in regards to rehab, I can only speak for myself, but I was in no way ready to receive that message when I first started posting here. It took me a long time just to work up the nerve to start posting after reading only for a month or so. I probably had the same incorrect vision of rehab loosely based on the movie One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, as some scary place filled with crazy people. I now realize it is not that way at all, but initially I just needed a place to realize that I was not alone, not the only person that felt that no one could possibly understand the battle I was fighting with alcohol and how miserable I was. I probably would not have stuck around and been able to learn and grow as much as I feel like I have and met all the great people that post here along the way. I think you mention it perfectly in your articles, gently nudging people to seek professional help as the best way to find relief from addiction. Thanks for providing the forum, your articles and support.
wlinser
07-10-2012, 10:04 AM
Day 20 today. Hard to believe. I hope everyone is doing well. You have to start somewhere/some day.
Hi all....good reading here as always....
JacquieC, what an accomplishment! Thanks for posting.. it's an inspiration.. and the honesty of saying it's not always easy keeps us alert to the power of the addiction and the ultimate power of the addicted. i hope you can end each day that much more at peace with your progress..
John, thanks for checking on me, friend.. my mode is such that weekdays are generally no problem even on the 4th last week. for sure, once i get home i have no desire to drink. a far cry from yesteryear and my awareness of post-work triggers is very high so i can keep my little steering wheel pointed straight home... but i must admit the weekends are not my strong suit.. i just don't feel equipped yet, to be honest..and am stuck in that deceptive place when the lying devil of moderation is whispering in my ear. i hope i'm not out of place to regularly post and struggle unsuccessfully. not having this forum would lead me straight to the place i was before. i continue to be amazed at how much work this takes just to be strong each day.. maybe the real truth is just that. all part of that massive change concept that Patrick so clearly explains.
Hope everyone is having a good week.... kip
Connor1a
07-10-2012, 12:54 PM
So... After quite a lapse, hello all. Fell off the proverbial wagon (and then down a hill, a large mountain, and finally off a cliff). Sigh.. Been sober for close to 5 weeks with the exception of a one night bender about a week ago. So anyway, wanted to post a question related to detoxification. As I said, been sober roughly 5 weeks. Generally speaking, I feel pretty good in the mornings, but then midday I start feeling very irritable and generally funky - almost like a mild virus feeling - like generally unhealthy. I also have some pretty wicked head rushes when I stand at times. Then, after maybe 8pm, I start feeling human again. I sleep like a rock at night - at least 8 hours. For the record, I have been a hard drinker for quite a few years. Bottle of vodka a day kind of drinker (amazingly functional, but a lot of collateral family damage that will take me some time to clean up. Well, a long time...). Heading to the dr in a week, but would appreciate hearing how you guys felt at this stage...
Connor1a
07-10-2012, 02:31 PM
John Aka Bill! Looked for you in the forums. Good to see you here. Yeah - a bottle a day is definitely not good. I really have to get off the hootch permanently. What got me this time was simply how miserable I was feeling everyday and the ridiculous, irresponsible, things I was doing to mange booze. You see, in Sweden all spirits greater than 3% alcohol are sold in state run stores. The stores close around 6pm on weekdays and are only open Saturday mornings on the weekends. So I was planning work obligations around store opening hours. Very very sad and damaging to my career.. So I'm white knuckling it for now and am determined. Will be around for awhile this time.
connor1a good to see you post. we too have similar laws in pennsylvania. an i would do the same thing to get my fix from the state stores. and yes it takes days to get past all the crap that goes along with a bottle of vodka a day. see a doctor. there are meds that can ease the withdrawls but not always the best route for those of us who already have a problem with the drink and or the drink with meds. Hang in there im almost thru another day one and cant wait to have a better night for day 2.
janny
07-10-2012, 06:36 PM
I'm beginning to understand the"one day at a time " concept. That's all I can do be cause I start talking to myself about different occassions coming up and how I will handle it then I have to stop thinking that way and get in the moment.My outlook is better today and I start imagining the great things that will come my way as I continue on this path. I've been reading everyones posts which help quite a bit so thank you.
I've been eating a lot! But don't won't to worry about the extra calories. I get a craving for chocolate too, not good for the waistline... I had left a nice dinner for my husband and son before my daughter and I went out tonight. My daughter noticed the nice note I left for them and commented to me how nice that was. I have not done something like that in a while.I care more about things like that too when I don't drink. I feel like I used to be a much more caring and compassionate person, I hope I get that back.
Thanks to all again.
Millie
07-10-2012, 07:35 PM
Connor and bdog, glad to see you two back here. Today is day 14 for me. Start of week three tomorrow. Day by day, step by step.
Connor, I used to enjoy your posts about tea. Do you have a good recommendation for a tea to drink at night?
I second that YJ. I too am sorry for upsetting or reading like I'm encouraginging moderate drinking to anybody on SR. I am not perfect, yet ask for guidance from like friends through my struggles. I have been reading, not posting because I can't get through a whole week without a couple of drinks.
Kimber congrats!!! I still find your post to be inspiring for me. I find hope in my life because of what you write. Thank you!
I hope to be in a better place where I can join the rest of my SR friends.
Yj thank you for posting again. It's nice to know I'm not alone. XO Jill
Connor1a
07-11-2012, 02:53 AM
Millie - Mint tea. You can buy it in boxes, but I like to make it with fresh mint. Just take a bunch and steep it. Then I add honey and chill it for the summer (or leave it hot in winter). There are a bunch of recipes on the WWW. Its dead easy to make and you can change it up by adding some lemon or lime, other fruits, etc. Yummy!
Sally
07-11-2012, 04:33 AM
Hi all – I picked up that book “Drinking – A Love Story” that so many of you had mentioned and for me it has been so spot on….in one section she talks about planning your schedule around your drinking, i.e. my deadline is Wednesday, so I really can’t drink too much on Tuesday, but I have nothing going on Thursday, so Wednesday I can live it up…I loved this line “I had the feeling that I was working my most creative efforts into the margins of things (i.e. around my drinking), struggling to make time for them”.
That’s what I was doing…my whole life started revolving around when and where I could drink and how much….that is what they mean in AA when they say that we are powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable…I mean really how much more unmanageable can life be when alcohol controls your every thought. I always struggled with that concept of unmanageability because I was a highly functioning alcoholic and I always managed to get things done, so obviously I was in control of my life….HELLO!!! not when my every thought, decision, and planning revolved around my next drink…now that I am sober it makes perfect sense…DUH!!!
So hang in there… Connor, bdog, Janny, Kipd – never quit quitting…and Connor definitely talk to your doctor, you were doing high levels daily…I almost reached that point until I finally called it quits. I did get campral (am still on it) and for me it was a life saver….expensive but a magic pill that took away my cravings and let me focus on my healing…well worth it for me.
JacquieC congrats on 6 months that is amazing….let’s see you do 1 year and inspire us all.
Wlinser – 20 days!! Woot woot
Millie – so glad to see you – going on 3 weeks, you are on a roll… keep peddling that bike and don’t look back.
Bill – 25 days…you go, 1 month right around the corner.
Kimber - 35 days - your posts are so inspiring....I am so happy for you and your new life.
wlinser
07-11-2012, 09:25 AM
Day 21 today. Where did the time go? Began reading Trimpey's 'The Small Book' last evening and will order 'Rational Recovery' today. Has anyone here read those books or is familiar with the rational recovery program?
Thanks Millie and Sally. Day 2 almost done. Very anxious today but feeling better. hope to have a better nights sleep with no sweats tonight. Been thru this before not sure if it gets better or I just know what to expect but im going to keep pushing until I get it right. thanks for all the support people!!!
Allyson
07-11-2012, 05:43 PM
I've been dropping by and reading but not posting- just busy with little down time (computer downtime at least) this week. I have gotten to a couple of yoga classes which has been great. I'm not struggling with thoughts of drinking and if any arose I am confident I'd shut them down fast. Been there, done that, done with that. I'm listening to "Lit" by Mary Karr on Audible. I'm jealous of her because she got to hang around with David Foster Wallace. It's in a similar vein as "Drinking a Love Story," which I read a few years ago and like others here would also recommend. I'm also reading "Awol on the Appalachian Trail" in print. It's nothing to do with drinking but totally enjoyable and engrossing.
The only real problem I have is trouble sleeping and the best trick I've found for getting around it is listening to something on headphones- podcast, book, whatever. Usually I fall asleep after only a little while and wake up at 1 or 2 am with something still going, which seriously beats thrashing around in bed while it gets later and later and later. Best to all.
carol
07-11-2012, 06:50 PM
Kimber, I'm so proud of you and happy for you I could just burst!!! You have grown so much since your first posts it's just amazing. I love that you're now also having insights you can build on, and your posts are helping others. All I can say is WOW!!
_Erin_
07-11-2012, 06:52 PM
Kimber, ditto to what Carol just said! :) Couldn't have said it any better, you are a totally different person than your first posts. Congratulations!! I'm proud of you, too! :)
Midwest Sue
07-11-2012, 08:25 PM
Big hugs to you, Kimber!
janny
07-12-2012, 03:39 AM
I feel better,look better, and my conversatons with people are much more interesting. Can you believe that just after 3 days. I think I'm just so happy I've been strong it's more my attititude than anything else.All day I keep reminding myself of so many of your quotes and chant to myself "it's going to get better,I'm going to feel so much better" and reading posts daily has helped so much too. Thank you all.
Hi everyone
A lot of positive posts here. Congrats to all for your successes. Kimber I am so proud of you as well - I have been following your progress - and Janny 3 days - keep it up!
I have to try some of that keyboard therapy that many of you have mentioned and I am sorry to change the tone of these messages because mine is going to be a depressing one - I just need to vent. My out of control drinking skyrocketed two years ago when my then 17 year old was diagnosed with cancer. I couldn't shut out the bad thoughts that pummelled my mind. She had two surgeries to remove tumours and was doing o.k. After going through that, I have tried controlling my drinking - hadn't been able to completely stop - but was way better than I was. Last week the doctor informed me that she has another tumour and needs a biopsy to see if it is cancerous. I promised myself that I wasn't going to deal with it the same way - but I feel so weak and hopeless and can't get the negative thoughts out of my head. I had told my husband a few weeks back that I don't want to drink wine anymore and he went out last week and filled up the wine rack again. He doesn't even drink wine. Yesterday I was going to white knuckle it - do everything it takes - and lasted until 7:00 pm and then broke down and had a bottle of chardonnay all by myself. I feel like I have no strength and don't know how I am going to get through the next few weeks.
Midwest Sue
07-12-2012, 08:54 AM
Hope, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's health situation.
Just this morning I received this link from a friend about controlling your thoughts. I think it may be helpful to you and others here:
http://www.healyourlife.com/author-dr-wayne-w-dyer/2012/07/wisdom/personal-growth/grab-that-thought
Your battle against the bottle will be much harder than it has to be with wine in the house, and your husband needs to understand that filling the rack is working against your best interests. Ask him to remove it to a place unknown to you if you want to get your point across.
Best wishes to you, Hope. Keep posting and decide that today you can make it through whatever thoughts and feelings come up, without drinking.
Sue
wlinser
07-12-2012, 08:55 AM
Hi! Keep up the good work to all of you. If you're struggling or starting again, keep trying. It will work. Finished up day 21 yesterday and have begun my fourth week. It's been a challenge, but I've done so much damage because of my drinking in the past. That's what has been so difficult to deal with.
carol
07-12-2012, 09:05 AM
Oh, Hope, my heart goes out to you! You are in a really tough situation.
A couple of thoughts for you. Someone here said "there's nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse" and I think that really applies to you. I know one of the hardest parts of quitting for me was giving up the oblivion I could achieve from drinking. Lots of nights with a bottle of wine (or two) by myself. But it was truly an illusion. The issues were still there but my ability to cope was severely compromised, and I didn't even really know it. Like trying to walk with heavy weights tied to my legs and not even knowing I was making it harder.
One thing I know is your daughter needs you, all of you, not the part that's left when alcohol has had its way with you.
I also know I couldn't have stopped with a full wine rack in the house with me. Your husband's move was dumber than dirt! But let's give him credit for trying to bring you something he thought would make you happy. There's another possibility, which is people hate change even if it's for the better and he may have unconsciously been trying to sabotage you, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt.
So what to do with the wine? I'm focussed on that because it's something you can ACT on. You can toss it all in the trash but you may not feel OK with the waste or you may hurt his feelings. Still, let's suppose there's $100 worth of wine, aren't you worth that much? Or if you can't throw it away, is there a lock? Could you lock it, move it to the garage or attic, and have your husband keep the key? Or like Sue suggested, have him hide it away. I just know I couldn't have coped with wine in the house. Too hard. Make it easier on yourself.
One last thing I mentioned somewhere is I saw a little blurb that when we think about what we're grateful for it literally turns off the part of the brain that worries. You may not feel like you have anything to be grateful for, but I can think of 3 things right off the bat: your daughter is alive! Your husband cares about you (my guess but I think it's true) and you have people here who care, even if we're just virtual.
Good luck and keep posting. We want to hear how it goes and it will help you.
carol
07-12-2012, 09:06 AM
JacquieC, congrats on your 6 months!
Lots of milestones here from day 3 to 21 to past 30. Woo hoo, keep it going!
Thank you Midwest Sue, for posting Wayne Dwyer's article. Before I read your post, I and my significant other were getting in a debate on how I analyze everything. My thoughts, especially when I am emotional, tend to take a life of their own and my mind goes to a lot of different scenerios. I tend to think this is being productive, but this seems to cause him a great deal of stress. ( I drank to quiet my mind.) I would love too in my relationship, be able to communicate well and explain my feelings, it seems to not work.
janny
07-12-2012, 11:13 AM
Wow Hope, you put things in perspective for me. I almost feel silly bosting about day 3 when there are so many bigger milestones... but I know you all know the struggle with the first steps.
Drinking aside Hope I am in the medical field and maybe you can talk with your daughter's doctors to see if there is some kind of support group for parents like yourself going through similar situations. You may find a better way to cope with your issues.If you have a faith take the time to use it and pray for your daughter and yourself.
One of my struggles is my husband, Irish family and social friends like to drink.I love them all but know I can't change them. I have to keep saying I am putting me first if it means leaving the house for that weak period and coming back when I feel stronger I will do that.
Best of luck Hope and to all.
A couple of thoughts for you. Someone here said "there's nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse" and I think that really applies to you. I know one of the hardest parts of quitting for me was giving up the oblivion I could achieve from drinking. Lots of nights with a bottle of wine (or two) by myself. But it was truly an illusion. The issues were still there but my ability to cope was severely compromised, and I didn't even really know it. Like trying to walk with heavy weights tied to my legs and not even knowing I was making it harder.
One thing I know is your daughter needs you, all of you, not the part that's left when alcohol has had its way with you.
Thank you all for your wonderful words of support. I don't tell anyone else about my drinking, so your words of advice, comfort and wisdom mean so much to me. I will read the Wayne Dwyer article - it is my mind that is the problem - it doesn't stop and I think drinking settles it down so I have to find another way. Carol you are so right - my daughter needs all of me - her health should not be all about me and how I deal with it but I have to give her 110% or more of me. Plus, I can't let her see that I am worrying because that will make her worry. I have wanted to stop drinking for so long just because I know I should, but now I really have to - no options - I love my daughter way too much.
What to do with the wine?? Thanks for your suggestions - I do know my husband cares about me so I have to see his actions that way - we are having a big party this weekend - which isn't a problem for me 'drinking' wise because I only drink alone (pretty sad!!). My strategy will be to serve all the wine at the party and then get rid of what is left.
Janny, don't feel bad about posting your success - all of you out there who are doing so well give me hope that it can be done. Today must be my freedom day. Thank you friends!
Sorry, I tried selecting Carol's words of advice but they didn't show up as a quote - how do you do that?
"When a storm hits, a bird stays safe by moving its nest closer to the trunk of the tree."
janny
07-13-2012, 04:05 AM
I like that quote Tere. Day 4 down. I have written more letters to family and friends in the past 4 days than I have in the past 6 months! Making great recipes and keeping lots of good food in the house,eating a lot!
Authentic. I am so eager to be authentic. I have trouble when I am sober to listen to people go through the process of becoming intoxicated. I feel like the whole visit together is fake and insincere.I know I've said many a comment to people while drinking that I would not say if I was sober. I'm eager for real friendships and relatonships that are not tainted with alcohol.
Thank you all for your stories. I've been reading here every day sometimes 3x day and it is helping so much :)
I think I rode the pink cloud for the first week of sobriety; but this second week I find myself anxious and depressed, which is surprising to me.
wlinser
07-13-2012, 08:01 AM
Start of day 23. It does seem to get easier. I like this bit of advice from the smart recovery web site
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/memberstories/Carol.pdf
My Plan is to be implemented if I ever seriously consider that I want to have A drink. 1. For the first 24 hours, I may do nothing- I may not drink under any circumstance. I simply consider the thought of having a drink as simply an urge- no big deal. Dispute and distract for 24 hours. 2. If after 24 hours, I continue to think that I would like to have a drink and explore moderation, then for 6 days, I give this thought some serious work. I explore it, write about it (ABC, etc), do another Cost Benefit Analysis for this particular time frame, and invest the time and energy a potentially life changing decision deserves. 3. If after these 7 days, I believe that I still would like to have A drink and that moderation is in my best interests, then I must present my work (done in # 2) to my SMART friends. I believe that they will listen to me, that they care about my best interests, and that they will be objective. If they concur that my new beliefs meet the test of rationality, that my new plans meet my stated goals, and they feel comfortable with my choice to moderate, then I may proceed with caution.
Hi all
Starting day 2 for me. Posting yesterday - and hearing all your support really carried me through the day. I went for a long walk with a friend and then pulled myself to an evening class I've been taking once a week. Went to sleep sober and feel much better today. My daughter came home around 11:00 last night and said "good night Dad". I felt so sad that she didn't say anything to me, but she is probably used to me being passed out 'asleep' in front of the TV every night. Things have got to change
All the best to all of you
janny
07-14-2012, 04:07 AM
Day 5 down and struggling a bit but keep telling myself things will get better. I loved the articles posted recently thank you. Have so much to be thankful for and the need for my mind to be clear and present is growing if I want it too.
Thanks again to all.
James G
07-14-2012, 07:02 AM
1 day is like a 1000 days...1000 days is like 1 day!
When I first discovered this board back in November 2011 a couldn't help but notice how the obsession with days ruled the tone of a good portion of this board. I thought if you really are committed to a life of sobriety what does 10,20,30,60 and so on days really mean? Hence the mind set "One Day at a Time" this is how we should practice living our lives regardless. I too ended up falling into this trap of counting days too (up to just over 150 for the record) but the truth is, counting days has no teeth for long term sobriety. Staying abstinent requires a lot more than counting days, and this time around I am going to spend that energy filling my mind with positive thoughts vs. obsessing over simple arithmetic. Filling that drinking vacuum with something positive, and massive is going to be my new obsession. With all that said, if counting days helps you than by all means please keep on counting...whatever works is best for you. One size does not fit us all...for me it just isn't happening!
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Enjoy it!
carol
07-14-2012, 08:52 AM
James, you make a great point. If I can use Samantha and me as an example. She started a bit ahead of me and for her counting days just didn't work, it made her think about drinking instead of the other way around, so she embarked on a 30 day trial and never looked back. For me, with so many failed attempts including one where I thought I quit for a year but it turned out to really be only 3 months followed by "just one" now and again when I went back and checked my records, and based on my temperament, I had to count. It wasn't until remembering how many days became too hard because I had so many (yay!) that I declared my freedom and stopped counting.
As you also say, that's the beauty of this site, no one size fits all. Count or not, WHATEVER works for you, JUST DON'T DRINK TODAY. Like Ruth says, STAY (Sober Today and Yesterday)
Millie
07-15-2012, 07:53 AM
I for one think it helps in the beginning. I get pleasure in checking off another successful day. Today is day 19. ;)
I agree with you Millie. Seeing the days and going through them gives me a sense of power over my drinking that I did not let alcohol defeat me that day. Thus, this gives me strength and excitement to make it through another day. I believe for myself this method lets me take one day at a time:)
wlinser
07-15-2012, 10:27 AM
Day 25 today. It feels good to write/say the no, but I look forward to do the day that it just doesn't matter anymore because I'm abstinent.
Allyson
07-15-2012, 11:52 AM
Tomorrow is one month. I feel so lucky to have broken free given how hard it was.
Maggie B
07-15-2012, 02:07 PM
This is Day 3 for me - again - been starting and stopping now for the last year or so. I have spent a lot of time browsing this site reading Patrick's writings and a lot of the regular posters and feel ready to start again. When I tried previously I found it helpful to tick off the days as well - gives a feeling of achievement- although I found 'I won't drink today no matter what' was essential to get through each day. This time I am prepared to give it the 'massive effort' that is needed and hopefully get to the stage where I don't need to count the days. I am not sure whether I should be posting here or on the Getting Started thread.
congrats for everyone doing so well. I had a ok weekend not perfect but not bad. Maggie B keep posting here its good stuff. hope everyone keeps quitting. even with setbacks keep going.
janny
07-16-2012, 03:27 AM
The counting days have been helpful to look at others peoples coping mechanisms or challenges at different stages in the beginning.It's helped to know when people felt the cravings lessened but also not to let your guard down after 6 months for the challenge may come up unexpectantly. I too hope to get to the point where I will no longer count and it will be just a part of my life.
Yesterday I had a long wonderful day in the heat was tired and the temptation to unwind with friends was there. Instead I had something thirst quenching and felt so much better for it,and was still able to unwind with friends.What also helped was a previous post who recommended the "waiting 24hrs" before you decide to drink again. In the past I've always started drinking again on a whim. This made me really think it through and say OK not today but if I'm going back to drinking it will have to wait until tomorrow. Of course the thought goes by and today I feel just as strong to stay sober.
Earlier in the weekend I had declined sharing some wine and beer with friends and I think someone gave me a dirty look! I ignored it.
My husband told me I look like I lost 5 lbs! My complexion looks so much better,I'm sleeping really well,more energy.I'm so happy I found this post I have not been able to bring myself to go to AA meetings. Reading these stories is so helpful.Thanks to all.
Sally
07-16-2012, 03:42 AM
Good Morning/Evening everyone....I for one needed the positive reinforcement of "ticking off" those days in the beginning...for me, it is what kept me going,, thinking I could do this, noting how well I was doing, reminding me that I was stronger than "IT", that I was reclaiming my life. But as the days wore into months I let the counting go - switched to weekly then monthly dates and milestone celebrations of my sobriety. To each his own I say. Do what works for you - because this is a very personal battle.
Am heading north today - no computers....just wandering and my thoughts. Have a wonderful sober week everyone. Never quit quitting - one day it will click, if it hasn't already..so hang in there.
I came up with an idea that I need everyone's feedback on that I'm calling "Seven Weeks To Sobriety." Here's the idea; over seven weeks, you will cut out days that you drink, eliminating one per week until on week seven you completely quit. I would recommend starting on Sunday, but pick what ever day works for you. So Sunday, don't drink; just work on yourself, reading, posting, nursing your hangover, anything but drinking. Monday you resume your "regular" routine of drinking through Saturday. Week two you add Monday to Sunday, so you are sober two days in a row then resume drinking on Tuesday through Saturday. Add a day each subsequent week until week seven when you have reached your goal of sobriety. In a graph, it looks like this:
________SUN_MON_TUE_WED_THUR_FRI_SAT
Week 1 ---X
Week 2 ---X--- X
Week 3 ---X--- X--- X
Week 4 ---X--- X--- X--- X
Week 5 ---X--- X--- X--- X---- X
Week 6 ---X--- X--- X--- X---- X--- X
Week 7 ---X--- X--- X--- X---- X--- X--- X-------- Victory!
"X" stands for a day that you do not drink.
This is for anyone that feels like quitting cold turkey is too scary or impossible. Anyone can quit for one day, and you have a whole week to drink as you "normally" do. Then the following week, you get to add one more day to your sobriety and so on. There is of course some work required, such as keeping a journal on your progress, making lists of reasons to quit, lists of all the things you will do with the new free time you will have and all the money you will save, learning all you can about addiction, and what ever other things you all would add to the lists of things to do to get and stay sober. I can add exercising, joining a club, going to AA meetings, joining a church, volunteering, or getting a part time job.
I think this would have worked for me and I think it has potential to help other people that just can't imagine how to even get started, especially going cold turkey. Please feel free to add to the plan or throw stones, you can't hurt my feelings on this one as it is only intended as a starting point for anyone struggling.
Midwest Sue
07-16-2012, 08:38 AM
Ken, I think your 7 week plan is a great idea for people who are looking for a starting point and who just can't face the thought of quitting cold turkey. It may have helped me stop a lot sooner than I did if I had tried this.
Billy
07-16-2012, 11:03 AM
I SURRENDER!!
Hello to my old friends and hi to my new ones! For those who don't remeber me (I haven't been on the site since March), I think I'm one of the original members of this forum, which whatever way you decide to look at it is either a good thing or or a bad thing. It took me a long time to catch up with all the post but it was well worth it.
On March 23rd, I was 33 days sober and relapsed. I have been in the proverbial rabbit hole ever since. Moderation to me is just a pipe dream. Impossible. Thats why I SURRENDER! It beat me and even though it took me almost 4 months of wasting my life I've learned my lesson; it's tough to admit, but I lost (actually, today, I'm the winner!!)
Today is July 16th, yesterday was my Birthday, so today is the 1st day of the rest of my new life!
I just want to add my 2 cents on the issue of whether individuals should post while they are drinking. Nobody should ever post while they are drunk (believe me, some of the old timers know what I'm talking about) but I don't even understand why anyone would ever question someone wanting to post on this site (while not drunk) as long as they are working on beating their demon - drinking! Don't forget what the forums name is "How to Stop Drinking"!
Carol, Sylvane, Christy, John, Ken, Jeff, Erin, Kimber and Connor (and everyone else, sorry if I forgot to mention you), nice to hear from you again. Connor, I know my Dr put me on 5 days of Librium for any w/d symptoms and then Campral for the cravings for a month (which I never should have stopped), and it worked for me.
Anyhoo...let the journey begin and I'll be using the "keyboard therapy" quite a bit!
Quote of the Day
"To change one's life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions."
– William James
Millie
07-16-2012, 12:13 PM
Welcome back Billy! Happy birthday to you too.
freedom71612
07-16-2012, 02:25 PM
Today is my day 1. I have started so many times, I can’t count. I know that my body is taking more and more of a beating through my excessive alcohol consumption. My stomach is a mess and I feel terrible all of the time. I’ve read the posts on the forum and can relate to so many of you. Where I make the mistake is when I read something that isn’t going to be part of my recovery, ex. I know I will never go to rehab and to read that it is highly recommended for success is discouraging. However, I have to believe that there are other ways to stop drinking. So many of you have been successful, I have to have hope.
I too surrender. Bill you have another person to start this journey with.
Maggie B
07-16-2012, 04:28 PM
Day 4 completed. Ken I also think your 7 week plan could be helpful for someone not at the stage where they feel they can just stop. If you had come up with it a couple of months ago I would definitely have tried it! In browsing this site before getting started again this time, I found all your posts very helpful and motivational.
welcome freedom71612. just give it a few days and your body will start feeling so much better. a week or more and you feel 10 times better. not sure what it feels like to go months but it must be heaven!!!
JeffR1
07-17-2012, 03:38 AM
Kimber you are doing great – congratulations on your progress. And good on you for posting your feelings and thoughts as this can really be helpful. You seem to have a positive frame of mind despite how you are feeling at the moment. I believe your acknowledgment of having feelings and allowing yourself to sit with them, even if they don’t feel so good, is a significant aspect of navigating your way ahead.
I went through a divorce after 25 years of marriage and it is a massive upheaval in one’s life. I sought solace for far too long in the bottom of a bottle and it helped to solve nothing. I’m pleased to read your thoughts about not wanting to drink! Keep holding onto that ‘attitude of gratitude’ – it’s a great way to move through life. Good on you. Best wishes.
Welcome back Billy. Good on you for hanging in there and not losing your desire to be sober. Perseverance in the face of adversity is a major strength – and one that is key to winning in life! Keep it going. Oh, and happy birthday. What a great present to give yourself!!
Welcome Freedom. You’ve found a great place to get and be sober. Keep reading and keep posting as it really helps.
Welcome MaggieB. Congratulations on Day 4. I know just getting those first few days in can be really tough. Hang onto that momentum and keep moving forward.
Hi to everyone. I trust people are doing okay. My best wishes to you all. Have a great sober day.
Many Rivers to Cross
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2NZd78oQ7E
Toni Childs
janny
07-17-2012, 03:58 AM
Kimber I will pray for you today. The last time I made any progress in trying to quit alcohol I made it to around the same time you are at now and I distinctly remember those same feelings.I was so lonely and empty surrounded by so many people! After feeling so good for a while that unexpectedly caused me to fail I did not know what to do with all of those feelings. Good for you for conquering and allowing yourself to feel those feelings .I appreciate you bringing this up I feel I will be better prepared for what is to come and am thankful I can use this forum to get through.Please continue to share what you do to keep your inner strength. Bravo to you. Hope all is well.
wlinser
07-17-2012, 08:32 AM
Day 27 today. It strange. I have some really good days and then some maudlin days. No great cravings. Those that do appear vanish after letting a bit of time pass by. I say to myself, 'You've gone so far. Why start all over again?' That definitely helps. Best to all who have a few days under their belt. It's worth it!
freedom71612
07-17-2012, 09:43 AM
The beginning of day 2. I had trouble falling asleep last night, so I took a simply sleep pill. Woke up this morning feeling so tired. I feel like I could sleep forever. I just wish I had more energy so that I could get more things accomplished. I’ve read other’s posts and in many of them, they have a tremendous about of energy and clean their houses and other projects. I hate that I feel so unmotivated.
Kimber, thank you for posting your true feelings. This way when I hit that number and am feeling funky, I’ll know it’s normal. I’ve read all of your posts and you are an inspiration and it sounds like your brother thinks you are too. Fourty-one days is AWESOME!!!!
Thank you for the welcome bdog, kimber and jeffrt. I’m going to go try to be productive.
Thanks to both of you (Sue & Maggie B) that had time to look at my plan, I'll paste it over in Getting Started for any newcomers it may help. See ya!
janny
07-18-2012, 04:03 AM
My daughter initiated a hug yesterday. I can't recall when she has done that last as a teenager.I'm always trying to grab them from her but this time she grabbed one from me. I can't help but think it's because of my change since I quit drinking. Iam much more engaged in conversations, more eager to go places, staying up later, making better meals.My husband has even cut back on his drinking without me asking.I've been thinking of the old hobbies I used to do and working ways to start them again.I know there is a large void in here somewhere and I need to be ready to fill it when it surfaces.
So many of the posts I read have been so inspirational. You have helped me to get to this point because of the way you share your daily lives good and bad.We all keep seeing how wonderful things can be without alcohol. I'm slowly getting a feel for this and I can't imagine turning back.
If I chose to take a drink, after the first hour my mind would be right back to wanting to stop again. I don't even enjoy it anymore! I don't want to ever go back there,I am enjoying this sobriety state so much it's scary to think of going back.I keep on telling myself sobriety is so much better and remind myself of how miserable I am while drinking it does nothing for me any more except makes me forgetful,depressed and look old.
Thanks again everyone, my prayers of good thoughts and strength go out to you all.
kevin2
07-18-2012, 07:06 AM
I don't even enjoy it anymore! I don't want to ever go back there,I am enjoying this sobriety state so much it's scary to think of going back.I keep on telling myself sobriety is so much better and remind myself of how miserable I am while drinking it does nothing for me any more except makes me forgetful,depressed and look old.
Great posts everyone,...and janny, if you really mean that..then already you have a major advantage in your battle. Getting to that point might be the hardest,..yet most crucial part. I am back to day 14 today after taking a break somewhat from posting. Hopefully more of our regular posters have been doing the same and will start back posting soon. Always great to see so many new people posting too.
wlinser
07-18-2012, 08:09 AM
Day 28 today. Where did the time go? Had a major craving last evening but thought back to my earlier post - wait 24 hours and see if I still have the craving. It worked! I made it through the evening w/o walking down to my local convenience store and buying a beer. That addictive voice was telling me to chuck it in and have that beer. It would make me feel better. I told myself, 'No, it wouldn't help matters. It would only make things worse - repeating the behavior that got me into such a mess.' I look forward to checking this Web site to see how others are doing and for inspiration. Thanks!
freedom71612
07-18-2012, 08:57 AM
Beginning of day 3. I can’t really report that I feel physically bad, just fatigued. Maybe because I’ve started and stopped so many times over the last 5 months. Which brings me to a fear that lurks in the back of my mind, “what will keep me sober this time?” Then I fear that even thinking this question means I’m not where I need to be and am sure to relapse.
I’ve been trying to stop the negative talk, rewind it then record over it with positive thoughts. Wow, this alone is exhausting and I kind of feel like an old SNL skit, Stuart Smalley. I’ve also noticed that I get a bit jealous when I read how well and quickly others progress in this road to recovery. I know, that’s terrible, but unfortunately the truth. It surprises me because I pride myself on being a caring, thoughtful, and nurturing person.
Wishing everyone a pleasant and productive day. And wlinser, I too look forward to reading the posts on here. I check it several times a day. It sure was quiet last night and I was desperate to read anything from anybody.
Midwest Sue
07-18-2012, 09:12 AM
Freedom,
Whatever it takes to get you through the first few days... that's what you do. Days 3-4 were horrible for me. The first few weeks were filled with fatigue. I slept as much as my body wanted and I did only what I had to do. I distracted myself with mindless games (ok - Words With Friends is not mindless but Angry Birds kind of is) and food and whatever else I felt I needed to just GET BY. I felt sorry for myself. I was mad and sad. I didn't start feeling the benefits right away.
My advice is to be gentle with yourself - be selfish. Caring about others and nurturing will come back later, stronger than ever.
Today, drink a lot of tasty beverages but do not under any circumstances lift a glass or bottle or can of alcohol to your lips. Just say no to that like you did yesterday. Today and tomorrow, you can do this.
Sue
kevin2
07-18-2012, 09:42 AM
Great advice Sue,..and even agry birds is okay,...mindless??..NO WAY. The first week I quit drinking back in December,..and had my hiatus alone in a hotel, I completed every level of the original version, the "seasons" version,..and the "Rio" version,..no kidding,..and on my phone. I honestly thought I had permanently damaged my eyes,..but it did pass the time..and I didn't drink.
janny
07-18-2012, 10:29 AM
Thanks Kevin for your comment.I've been struggling for years in a state of discontent for some time. This has been such a crutch in my life and feel it has kept me from progression in my career,athletic abilities and meaningful relationships.I can't believe what a hermit I become with daily drinking and the alcohol keeps you from seeing that or caring about that.
I hear some have been struggling with early sobriety for some reason I've been feeling good. I have been doing what so may of you have recommended;drinking lots of water,eating the chocolate if I'm craving,getting plenty of rest(fortunately this time of year my work is quiet so I have the luxury of resting in the dAy if needed),reading all these posts and other forums too,and working on hobbies that I left behind so many years ago. Eating lots of good food.
I'm embarressed to say I can't bring myself to go to AA and I feel like a coward for that.I hope I can be open and honest some day this is a disease just like diabetis.
This forum has helped me tremendously and thanks to all again good luck.
serenty
07-18-2012, 11:35 AM
Hi Janny,
Congratulations! And don't be embarrassed about not going to AA at this point. The only reason that I can go so early in sobriety is because I went before and I knew that the wonderful people would welcome me back and they did. I feel good too. Some of us do at first, and maybe the hard times hit later. All I know is I am riding this good time and enjoying it. Yaaaaay sobriety. :)
carol
07-19-2012, 01:23 AM
Millie, Billy, John, liberte, check in please. And YOU, who I didn't mention by name, yes, YOU, check in and tell us how youre doing!
Kimber, it does get better. Janny, your doing great.
Early trip home from mom's. Exhausted by happy. Have a great day y'all, and don't drink no matter what!
JeffR1
07-19-2012, 02:04 AM
Hi Carol. I second your post - it is very quiet here on the forum. I trust people are doing okay. Let us know how you are going. As Billy points out, this is a safe outlet for 'keyboard therapy' - and getting it out of your system here can really be helpful. Take care everyone. Best wishes. Jeff
janny
07-19-2012, 03:12 AM
Thanks Serenety. I too would love the chance to be in a face to face group. Hopefully some day with AA. I know so many people find that very helpful. I say I'm feeling good but each day I have several moments of thinking about having a drink. Sometimes I think "well I'm probably going to cave in at some point and have a drink so why should I struggle so much now". Then I think wait a minute I don't have to cave in. I can keep growing and feeling better and get healthier the sky is the limit.If I was to give in to drinking again for me it would be like going back on a depressant pill. That's it. It's just like taking a daily pill of depression. It's just not worth it anymore and besides that if I did go back to drinking it makes me feel like I've lost all the ground I've gained and starting at square one again.No way I'm staying strong no matter what!
Best of luck to all have a great day.
Midwest Sue
07-19-2012, 05:45 AM
Kimber,
Thank you for your heartfelt post. I'm so impressed with your journey of personal growth. Thank you for the wisdom and hope that you share.
Sue
Billy
07-19-2012, 07:54 AM
Hi all! Made it those dreaded 72 hours; day 4 (Thursday) and I know I'll be white knuckling through this weekend but it is what it is. Hang in there with me freedom!!
Jeff - Great line!! "Perseverance in the face of adversity is a major strength – and one that is key to winning in life!" Thanks - I needed that.
Sue - Great advise! I hope to be where you are soon!
Kimber - Great post. Very touching - that young child will remember that act of kindness for many years! I know your loneliness will pass and you'll grow stronger and stronger with time!! I'm very proud of you!
Ken - As always, great advise and I'm sure it will help many people. How are you my old friend?
To everybody posting, keep up the good work, and thank you to those who are in a better place for staying with us who are struggling, and helping us with your advise and stories of success! It's very inspirational to all. For those just reading and not posting, please join us! You are obviously on this site for a reason. Strength in numbers.
HI CAROL - Always a pleasure to hear from you!!
Midwest Sue
07-19-2012, 08:32 AM
I can't say this often enough: hang in there, because it's SO worth it in the long run!
I now have a real sense of FREEDOM.
I'm free to go places I couldn't go when I was drinking, free of "day after" effects, free of guilt and shame, free to have sober conversations with my loved ones and remember them, free of 12 unwanted lbs of alcohol-created fat, free to spend money that I didn't have when it was spent on booze, free to make plans that don't include drinking, free to hop on my bike any time sober, free to express myself without fear of "the alcohol talking", free to enjoy the taste of good food, free to make honest mistakes and not worry that alcohol was the culprit, free to take the recycling out without worry of being judged.
You get the idea... EVERYTHING is better without alcohol in my life. Why would I ever give this up for a temporary buzz that will take me down the desperate road I traveled for so many years?
I can only imagine doing that if I really want to punish myself or simply don't care about my life any more.
For me then, the important task at hand is to love myself and appreciate my life.
I can do that by making positive changes every day. And I can make positive changes only because I have a sober focus.
You can break the vicious cycle and turn it into a beautiful cycle!
So to be super corny here, get on that cycle and ride!
Or hop on the sober train and don't jump off!
All aboard!!
P.S. Sylvane, I LOVE your idea of painting a message to yourself on a wall before you cover it. Very clever!
wlinser
07-19-2012, 08:39 AM
Today is the beginning of my second month of sobriety. Surprisingly I am in a pretty good mood this morning - of course, the sunny weather helps. I thought I would share the following with you: We can know ourselves We can change ourselves We can create new habits of thinking, feeling, and behaving
Philosophy can help us live better lives
janny
07-19-2012, 08:59 AM
Kimber it gave me goose bumps reading your post.Talk about a good dose of feel good spirit when you give to someone else like you did.That's such an awesome story.
I'm so happy for you that you are no longer is such a state of despair to even consider hurting yourself like that,especially with your lovely children you would leave behind without a mother.I think of that poor Kennedy women who battled with alcohol and antidepressants recently in the news and how she ended her life and left 4 children behind. I think of how incredibly sad she must have felt and had no where to turn, too bad she was not on this forum.
I feel so much like you do in that I don't want to drink anymore I want to take a new route in life. When you think of our children and how much fun they have without any drugs in their system why can't we do that as adults too.I can remember those warm feelings of love and laughter as a kid and then when I started drinking I thought this was fun and exciting but over time it robbed me of that good old fashion fun that I'm struggling to regain.I know I can get it back I get a little taste of it every day i get further away from alcohol and from the posts i read it sounds like that is what you are all benefiting from staying away from alcohol.
Midwest Sue-I LOVE your sense of Freedom and could not agree with you more that is what I have been wanting to feel for so long and can relate to every word.i hated putting out the recycling bin and would sometimes throw the bottles in the trash so it would not look like so many empty alcohol bottles.I was so embarressed and ashamed I DO NO WANT TO FEEL THAT WAY EVER AGAIN.
Thanks for all these great posts!
serenty
07-19-2012, 01:36 PM
Wow so many great posts! Today is really tough so I thought I'd come here and I am so glad I did. It amazes me that I can be so double minded. I enjoy the peace and freedom more though just like Sue so eloquently listed ;-)
serenty
07-19-2012, 02:51 PM
Wow so many great posts! Today is really tough so I thought I'd come here and I am so glad I did. It amazes me that I can be so double minded. I enjoy the peace and freedom more though just like Sue so eloquently listed ;-)
Christy
07-19-2012, 06:09 PM
Kimber-I usually have only 4 half gallons of ice cream in the freezer and it's just the two of us. Can't say it's normal, but better than 4 gallons of wine for me. Lol!
serenty
07-19-2012, 07:27 PM
Kimber I am laughing because my freezer is full of ice crem too! I did not eat it when drinking ( got my sugar from alcohol) but it helps keep me sober so what can I say? I agree with Christy it is better than a fridge full of al
cohol ;) ;) ( and I live alone too)
I have not been posting much, but have been reading others posts. I have gone way back when this site has started and everything everyone shares is spectacular! Kudos:)
serenty
07-19-2012, 07:51 PM
Hi Tere! Great to here from you:rolleyes:
freedom71612
07-19-2012, 09:22 PM
Great posts. Very inspirational. Not a great day for me felt pretty horrible, to the point where I wondered if maybe I just had a bug. Good night all. The next week will be a challenge as we will be having guests for a week and some are heavy drinkers. I must stay strong and will sneak away during the day and night to read all of the inspiration and struggles on the forum.
janny
07-20-2012, 02:12 AM
John thankyou for that explanation about the endorphins and the feeling when you first start drinking.I had gotten to the point that the good feeling from alcohol was short lived for me and almost immmediately started talking to myself about the need to stop.I'm so glad I found this forum it's kept me focused and given me a place to touch base with my feelings and supports the decision I made by listening to your successful stories of sobriety and the dissappointment of slipping up, it keeps me strong.
One thing that has helped me too is I am working on taking "massive action" in my life. Been working on my hobbies and things i like to do, including being a little selfish so i don't get too hungry, tired or bored.Good luck today everyone I love the way I'm feeling so clear headed, yesterday i did take a long nap and gave myself permission to do so.I feel that is my body slowly healing itself.Stay Strong.I feel like I'm becoming a better role model for my kids too.
wlinser
07-20-2012, 07:50 AM
Good Morning! Thirty days today. A friend asked if I was going to get a chip. I said politefully, 'No.' I'm doing this for myself - not for something material. So far, I've done it w/o attending AA. Hope I'm making the right choice - self-control and rational thinking. Time will tell, eh? Have a brilliant Friday and weekend.
“We are all of us richer than we think we are; but we are taught to borrow and to beg . . . (and yet) we need little doctrine to live at our ease; and Socrates teaches us, that this is in us, and the way to find it, and how to use it.” -Michel de Montaigne
With this in mind, it is essential that an addict prepare himself for almost 3 months of initial recuperation. It's precisely when the addict feels that his system is stabilizing that he is in the gravest danger. This usually occurs at about 45 days clean. It is then when the addict must begin to resolve underlying emotional and social conflicts. For an addict: stress causes craving! To become free of addiction, an addict must resolve the conflicts in his life! He can do this by accepting responsibility for his actions, and by facing and resolving his deepest anxieties. He must make amends to himself, to his family, and to society. The only way for an addict to relieve the stresses which cause him to use is to identify the interior and exterior conflicts in his life and resolve them. "You have to name it, to claim it." When conflicts are resolved serenity becomes possible. By achieving new levels of interior serenity, compulsive behaviors can be overcome. It is serenity which enables an addict to be relieved of compulsions. Serenity can only be achieved by the resolution of conflict. Over time, and the resolution of conflicts, addiction becomes manageable.
~I found this paragraph interesting to say the least. Hope it helps:) Tere
wlinser
07-20-2012, 08:59 AM
Tere, thanks for that posting. Today is day 30. A friend told me to collect my chip. I told him, 'No, thanks.' I don't want a chip because I'm doing this for myself - not for something material. Have also done this w/o AA. Using self-control and rational thinking. Hope/pray that it works. I'm feeling better but still have waves of feeling low and depressed. Continue to tell myself when I crave a beer that I have to wait 24 hours. That seems to work. “We are all of us richer than we think we are; but we are taught to borrow and to beg . . . (and yet) we need little doctrine to live at our ease; and Socrates teaches us, that this is in us, and the way to find it, and how to use it.” -Michel de Montaigne
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