How to stop drinking

[Eric]

Beth, thanks so much for your post. I do NOT miss for one second the daily cussing out of myself in the morning. My first thought was always "look at what an effing loser I am" followed quickly with thoughts of whether I would drink or not. I would set myself up to wait and see what drinking brought to me. I now make that daily decision not to drink. It is my choice, always.

[ToddE]

Ma Kettle,

It's never fun to slip. Try to pick yourself back up, quickly if you can. I agree with Beth and bdog that it doesn't help any to get down on yourself.

For me anyway, I have found that getting and staying sober takes practice. It's kind of like if you were trying to learn a foreign language would you find it surprising that it would take time to learn and master? If someone told you that learning a new language was going to be hard, that hitting a wall or loosing progress wasn't uncommon, that would make sense, right? If they also told you that getting mad at yourself wouldn't be helpful, that it could actually slow your learning process or keep you from trying to finish learning that foreign language altogether, that would make sense too, wouldn't it?

We all have our own path to recovery. For some of us slips/backslides/ect. are just part of the process, unfortunately. Things we have to get through in order to get it right in the end. No different than starting to identify triggers and learning to control urges.

I gave up getting down on myself a long time ago. I just quit promising myself while severely hungover "Never Again". I didn't want it to happen again and I would try to get back to sober as soon as I could. To think I was going to master sobriety quickly or that it wasn't going to be hard at times wasn't reasonable thinking in my case. For me anyway, getting mad at myself for doing what was more natural at the time, was just getting in the way.

I've been "Practicing" this for a little under five years. Never was much for counting, but at least 22 months (not consecutive) have been sober in that time. For me each time falling back has gotten worse (strong incentive to not slip again). Each time I have been able get back up it gets easier though (nice incentive to keep trying and start again if I do slip). It's kind of like anything else you're trying to learn. All the practice counts. Kind of like kids don't forget everything over the summer, when they start back to school the next year.

Sue, Thanks for the link. I really like that guy's writing.

Take care everyone.

Stay strong,

-Todd

[Ken1]

Beth & ToddE, excellent posts, thank you! You are both so right that beating yourself is a waste of energy. Better to use that energy to forgive yourself and try again.

makettle, I want to pass along some advice from Patrick's articles that has helped me with links to the articles. Here is my favorite:

"Is it possible to get sober when you really do not want to stop drinking at all?

Yes and no.

Is it really possible to develop willingness out of thin air? How can you motivate yourself to change?

There are at least 3 pieces to this. Realize that:

1) Nobody totally wants to quit.
2) Those who do quit make the decision anyway.
3) Those who succeed take action following the decision.

.....Sobriety is for people who want it, not for people who need it.”....

......The thing is, nobody really wants to stop drinking, even when they have come to a crushing point of surrender.........

.....And so, even though part of them does not really want to quit drinking, they make a decision, and then follow it up with real action......

Please read this article, I could paste the whole thing here! It is one of the many I printed and re-read often. Here is the link: http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to-get-sober-when-you-really-do-not-want-to-stop-drinking/

I'll save the space here and not quote anymore, but I will pass along the links to some of my favorites that can really help.
http://www.spiritualriver.com/early-recovery-from-addiction-a-complete-guide-to-success-and-relapse-prevention/
http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to-achieve-long-term-addiction-recovery/
http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to-ensure-that-you-do-not-relapse-on-drugs-or-alcohol/
http://www.spiritualriver.com/drug-addiction-recovery/

And finally, this is a 23 page PDF that will have a huge impact, all about taking action:
http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpress-2.0.4/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/passiveLiving2.pdf

All the best to everyone and have a great weekend.

[Kip]

Good day friends... Sue, great post on simplicity... My mantra is "add lightness, then simplify.." it was originally attributed to a famous racing car designer but it fits around my life as well...

Beaiutiful drive on the blue ridge parkway yesterday... Stunning scenery... Then alcohol invited itself in and things were good. Until they weren't.. My wife is justified to be upset. It pains me so much to see her hurt. By the way she is good at contentment; happy to hang out at home and garden, cook while I am too busy being busy. She has been a very centered person thru my insane periods... I am still thinking what massive changes are there for me to gain strength.

My friend Mark texted to check on me and all I could say was I can't beat this demon on weekends.. Mon-thurs ok, but just don't have to tools to really tackle the weekend sober. What is the trick here....I know, just don't drink... Like you say Ken, what if just don't want to quit.. That scares me because I think I want to quit but I don't act like it.

Makettle, we're with you friend. A few good days followed by a slip is terrifically frustrating.. Just get back on the bike,so to speak, and start to gently pedal along a peaceful road with the wind of SR support at your back.. We all have to make this journey in our on time and place..

I wish you all a great start to this week... Kip

[makettle]

Thank you all for your support - I really really appreciate it. Yes today is a new day and I will get through it. I know I have to forgive myself and stop beating myself up, I am working on it and have previously had some success in changing my thinking, it just didn't work this weekend. I find it hard to let go of the past and the what if's, what did I say, what did I do thoughts and it really makes me sick to the stomach and spins me out when those thoughts start crowding my mind. Alcohol is such a big part of our society and it is really hard to escape from it. Yes Kip, I will get back on the bike today!

Thank you all again - you are amazing.

[AlisonUK]

Hello all
It's always good to catch up on all your progress and seeing that I'm not the only one struggling with sobriety. I watched American Idol last night and Steve Tyler said an amazing quote. "one day the sunshine will hit your face and the shadows will fall behind you". I quickly got up and wrote it down. I wanted to share quote with you all.
I have come to realise what my main trigger is.....It's my jealousy of my husband. My husband is a fireman and an emergency medical technician. I've always wanted to have been in the medical profession but have put this career on hold to raise 2 kids and support him through his career. He goes away on exciting courses all the time and his job is different every day. I, on the other hand, lead a boring and unappreciating life. He has told me that there were people of all ages on his recent course and said I would be good at it. Apart from the cost, who will feed the kids? Who will walk the dog? Who will wash the clothes and more important...my naff wages just cover our mortgage!
Sorry to waffle on here but I feel trapped and I don't know what to do. I should be getting my CV off to a local hotel (because I hate my current job) but fear rejection as I'm 46.
I drank a large quantity of vodka last night (which he bought) and I guess I'm feeling the effects this morning. I do love my husband and kids but I just feel used and useless. I just feel that every day is 'groundhog day'!
Now Alison.....cheer up you miserable cow. Sorry to have loaded this off to you guys but I guess you have felt/feel like this too.
Love to you all.
Toodle pip

[bdog]

AlisonUK,

I think the things you do are great. I wish I had a family to take care of. Its always something different for all of us. Strange but thats the reason That I struggle.

[Kip]

hi friends....

Sylvane, how are you? good to hear from you and interesting thoughts here... i just changed from a negative job environment to a more positive one and it is taking some time to come to work without my guard up.. in other words, we are so used to the negatives that they become our way of interacting with the world. then i feel guilty when something good happens to me.. (leftover from my upbringing where guilt was an olympic sport...oh, that and worry..) it always comes back to this massive action thing... i am the worst at underestimating the extent of actions and how much work this really takes. which brings me to where i am now... managing to get through the workweek with out it but cannot put together a sober weekend. at least that's better than before when the job and people put me over the edge by about 10 am on Monday.

Alison, bdog, hang in there... we all have our triggers and the first thing is to figure out what they are and why we let them trigger us.. then finding the ones that are lurking in the back of our minds.. the good news is that positive triggers are everywhere.. sunlight, good food, exercise, a good book, a good friend/spouse, a hot bath, dogs (especially my crazy wiener dogs - awesome creatures), and so on....

have a good day everyone...

[Midwest Sue]

Alison, 2 months ago you posted this very wise post: "In the 7 weeks I went without a drink were quite possibly the best time I have ever had in my 45 years. I can honestly say that. I am married with two teenage daughters and I used the booze to block out the increasing demands that were set on me and a husband who has a stressful job and I was the one who was taking the brunt of it! The one person who I forgot about was ME! I was stick on the hampster's wheel of life and didn't know how to get off! The one thing the booze was doing most of all was blocking my zest for life and confidence."

I think it's time for you to start paying attention to what YOU need. If you have always wanted to be in the medical profession, then go for it! Your daughters are old enough to figure out how to feed themselves. They can also walk the dog and wash the clothes!

My advice is to take the first step to becoming who you want to be. If you are doing what you love, the money will take care of itself. It's great that your husband is supportive of you taking a course. Now ask him to please stop bringing home vodka!

I remember that the doctor told you that you had 3 years to live if you continued drinking. Start living the life you were meant to live. You can do it.

My sister never graduated from college before she started a family. She went back to school at age 50 to become a nurse. She has been accepted into nursing school and will begin her career at age 53.

Go, Alison, and keep us posted!!

Sue

[Midwest Sue]

ww43 (Julie),
Congrats on 30 days! I guarantee that 60 days will be an even bigger milestone, so keep going. I also have an addictive personality, but I've learned it's possible to shift to positive habits. I shop less and spend less since I quit drinking. I bike more and read more. My clear head seems to be leading me in the right direction, but I admit that at 30 days I wasn't so sure I would get here. Keep up the good fight!

[Ken1]

ww43, congratulations, 30 days, that's huge! I was just talking a moment ago with a friend about the importance of goals. Sue is right about 60 days being bigger and better. You reached your goal, now set a new one of 60 days! Our goals have to be constantly updated as we reach the old ones so we can continue to grow. There are lots of stories about people saying things like: when I graduate from college I'll finally be happy, or when I lose 20 pounds I'll finally be happy, or when I "fill in the blank" I'll finally be happy. When you hit that goal, time to grow again. I have been reading tons of Patrick's articles at the main site lately and feel recharged. One big point he hits in many of them is to avoid passive living and take massive action. Massive action means a commitment to continuous growth, it is not a one time thing. Find something healthy like exercise to get addicted to. I did the 30 day exercise challenge and now am working out every day and having a blast.

Sue, great story about your sister! Massive action indeed. I posted yesterday in Getting Started about the definition of Massive Action. I would link to it if I could figure out how, Post #442. Basically, to avoid relapse:

"Those who fail in early recovery can be easily diagnosed as people who did not take massive action. Anyone who relapses within the first 90 days of recovery can look back and agree that “yes, I could have done a lot more in order to work on my recovery. I did not take enough action.

This is a no-brainer. If you dedicate your life to recovery, and take positive action every single day, then guess what? You will remain clean and sober, and your life will get incrementally better, every single day.

But if you try to slide by and do the bare minimum…trying to do “just enough” to maintain your sobriety, then guess what? Random life circumstances and events will eventually push you over the edge into a relapse."

He goes into great detail about how to stay sober long term and the starting point is our "zero tolerance policy" with ourselves. Do not use drugs or alcohol no matter what. Start here and build on that.

bdog and Allison, amazing how this disease works. I feel your pain bdog, workaholic & alcoholic combined to help break up my family before it really got started, but it is not going to prevent me from having it as a goal for my future! Think about all your accumulated wisdom you have to pass on now that you did not when you were 20, what a difference it will make in having a family now!

[bdog]

Kip,

I am curious? you were so strong and now you seem to let it go? I might be wrong and if I am I apologize. I have sliped so much in the last 3 months but I keep going. do you think its harder when you slip? I dont, I think Im progressing but maybe im wrong?

[Ken1]

Watersam, sometimes fear of the unknown drives us to what we know, drinking and self sabotage. How do I know this, because I, like many of of here have done exactly what you are doing! Fear of the unknown and fear of loss of control are the two main culprits for self sabotage from what I have read about it.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I know how painful it is to lose someone you love. It is hard to get past a loss like that, but please know that you deserve to be happy and I'm sure your late husband would want you to be happy and successful even though he can't be there with you physically. I believe he is still with you and only wants the best for you, so the best way to honor his memory is try the best you can to forgive yourself and find some happiness in this life. Life, as you know, is too short, so make the most of the time you have here. That opportunity sounds amazing, so please find the strength you need to make it a reality for you. Go to an AA meeting, post here as many times as a day as you need to, read the articles at the main site, start with this one: http://www.spiritualriver.com/early-recovery-from-addiction-a-complete-guide-to-success-and-relapse-prevention/

I have faith in you that you can do this and I believe you deserve it, you need to believe that too. How do I know you deserve it, because it was offered to you! You earned it through your efforts, interview skills, experience, and knowledge. You can do anything you want to, so please believe that you deserve this break and that it is your turn to find some happiness! Best wishes for your new job and please let us know how great it is!

[Ken1]

Watersam, sorry you are suffering. I hope you are able to find some help and that you take advantage of all the resources available to you here, at AA, or anywhere you can.

Do we try to put a positive spin on things here? Yes and no.

I think we are all here to support each others efforts, which looks to the positive side of things, however people come here to unload all the problems their drinking has caused and that is how we all grow. Through learning that we share common traits, we can see that it is the alcohol causing our problems and how much better life will be when we put the bottle down.

Will life be all rainbows and fields of wild flowers when you get sober? Of course not. We will still get the same steady stream of things that cause us stress, but we can change our view and our approach to these things and try to find a way to be happy anyway.

Keep it simple in the beginning and focus on the fact that you know there is a better way to live or you would not be here looking for the answer to the question "how do I quit drinking?"

[carol]

Watersam (Anne?) I remember when you joined us. Welcome back. What does it take? I'll get back to that in a minute.

This is the first and only place that I've ever been completely honest about my drinking. I've told my story in various posts, including some ugliness like being "the girl who died in the kitchenette". They're certainly not all pretty. This was in my first post here:


Mayday, mayday, I need help.

High-level demanding job? Yep. Kids to raise? Yep. Husband who I love but who was also demanding? Yep. Alcohol hit the spot. I used it for solace. I used it to help me do hard things (just a little more, have a little more wine, you can do it). I especially used it to find oblivion which I couldn't any other way. And I got more and more miserable. More and more ashamed when I'd wake up in the middle of the night, promising myself I wouldn't drink the next day, doing it again. Over and over. Needing more and more booze just to keep going.

Do we celebrate milestones we achieve? You bet!! I didn't tell anyone I was quitting. I couldn't, I'd failed too many times, way too many times. Somewhere along the way I've posted what it was like Day 1, Day 3, 2 weeks, whatever. Easy? No. Were my posts more positive than negative? Yes, because I finally had HOPE!

I didn't try AA. I didn't want to. But when I quit this time, I was finally ready to do whatever it took, including AA. I started here and it worked for me. Others here who've been successful used AA as well. Others used medication. All of us (I think) used Patrick's articles and the postings and support here.

One of the tricky things on this forum is when do we "call" people on their stuff vs. be all happy happy glad glad. But we err on the happy side and I'm glad of that. There's plenty of suffering outside my front door.

What does it take? Fervent desire, or desperation, or a decision to quit, whatever catalyst that got you to say Help! and me to say Mayday! That's first. Next, I'd get any and all alcohol out of the house. Yep, for some people that's a lot of money quite literally down the drain. But I don't see how people quit with alcohol in the house. Next, read, read, read, Patrick's articles, posts, everything. And do the massive action thing. Ken has some great summaries of Patrick's writing on massive action, here and on the Getting Started thread. I put my favorite Patrick articles in the library. Just don't drink. And post. Post how hard it is, post your triggers, post your suffering, post your successes. At least that's what worked for me. Just don't drink. Easy to say, so hard to do.

I wish you condolences on the loss of your husband, I can only imagine the pain that causes. I wish you congratulations on your new, demanding job. And I wish you help, and hope, and success here. You are welcome here. My life is much better without alcohol. And when I came here I did not really believe I would ever be able to really stop. Good luck and please let us know how you are doing.

It's been a long time since I did a long post and even longer since I did a roll call. Some of you know who you are - check in, would ya? Good, bad, ugly, please let us know how you are.

Off for now. Just don't drink, y'all!

[Beth]

Good evening all...... Checking in on a month of sobriety:)

All my secret weapons I have found here are priceless. It took along time to realize no matter how badly I wanted sobriety I wasn't getting it the easy way. Ken's links from yesterday or the day before are great reads and should be read frequently. Thank you so much!

ToddE congrats on hitting the Big 70! Great job. I know how hard you have worked at this and I am praying for you.


As Carol told me (and everyone here), If rational thinking or magical thinking could get us sober, she would have been sober a long long time ago.

[Ruth]

Hey everyone- just wanted to pop in and recommend Patricks latest article on denial. Hard hitting and dead truthful as he always is. I haven't had a chance to read everyones' posts, just a bit, and I want to remind some of you that just because you don't see the misery now, doesn't mean it doesn't and didn't exist, and don't be so quick to dismiss the positive stories you see here. For my own part, I know in the past I have posted my share of sadness, unhappiness and despair, but guess what? At just a week shy of one year (one year??? that is just plain impossible!), one year alcohol FREE, I can say that, yes, there are down times, and bored times, etc., but that life is happier for me without hiding in the bottom of a bottle. We are all at different stages in this journey and I went through a bunch of stages before I got here, so I get impatient sometimes with those who have not really figured themselves out yet, but I was there too, I just didn't tell anybody about it, so good for you guys, even if you aren't ready to commit yet. All I can talk about is my experience, and everything I do is better now that I am not drinking. Don't get me wrong, it really took about six months for everything to begin to click into place, but it did. Anyway, go read Patrick's article for a dose of honesty!

[JacquieC]

Hi All, Allison UK, Bdog, MaKettle and everyone else who has had a slip - hang in there guys. Don't give up, sure get angry with yourself but then turn that anger in to the strong emotion that it is and make another fresh resolve to be strong and try again. Use this site for whatever you need it to be. A place to vent, a place to hear great uplifting stories and a place to realise that your not alone and amongst friends who care and love you unconditionally.....
Work out what you need in life and take it with both hands and run, don't look back. Count every day as a new chance to be sober, make the most of every milestone and reward yourself. Not with alcohol or even perhaps not with food but a simple meaningful gift to yourself that means something to you. Today is day 135 for me and I cannot tell you how great it does feel every morning to wake up SOBER.
Stay strong guys - remember I Won't Drink Today!!!

[Kip]

Hi friends..Day 2..feeling less than 100%. ok, deal with it kip. A quick note before a morning run...

Bdog, thanks for your concern..how have you been..? Me strong...? I appreciate the compliment...23 days in Jan but after that no more than a week without bad relapses. Cancelled a bike race yesterday which is unprecedented as it's the one thing every year that makes me feel alive...spinning on the blue ridge parkway after 100 miles and 11,000 feet climbing is being alive like nothing else. But noo....I sat at my office with a hangover. This a bumpy road right now but it is part of the journey.. I'm climbing the mountain, so to speak, and while it's tiring to get there, the view from above is only reached by climbing. Weekdays ok, weekends, bam. Thank you again for checking on me. How about your progress...?

Watersam, we share your pain.. I think you can see that in the posts...I don't know yet if sober is better as I haven't really given it enough time so i defer to those with weeks, months and carol with nearly 1 year.. Awesome! What I will tell you is that this group won't impose beliefs on you... I had that with AA and, most recently, family. It is my biggest trigger when I sense this and someone implies their way is right or there's a plan for me. Furthermore, aa and family never went beyond quitting to think holistically how to improve. With one very small exception (I admit to being hypersensitive) this pushing of beliefs hasn't happened at all here. This forum, my wife, and one friend can be credited for the sober days. Nothing or no one else. That is my personal path and I will never impose on it anyone else. Hell, it's not working great so why would i..! So you can find your path, tell us what you're doing, your success, failure, anything...and you won't be reprimanded or judge. Or just read here...if that's important for you please stay with us. No promises from me, but if you read this forum from the start (it is a lot, i know...) you may get a full perspective. Then, if you toss it in the trash that's your call.. Again, this place is as close to being unconditional as anywhere. You know, with a relapse I think I am telling myself that drinking is better than sober. Then I wake up the next day and it's not. So the joyful sobriety we see here has a lot of pain in the background and present. So does that bike race I wrote about at the top. But I think it's worth it because the alternative is despair and we drinkers know exactly where that leads. Please hang with us...we need each other.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day...

[bdog]

Kip, same thing. back in Feb did 35 days then had one hell of a meltdown. almost lost my job. Still working to make things right there. I too can do the weeks fine but the weekends are killers. Its a pattern I have had for years. Its almost like I feel I deserve to party every weekend. if I dont I feel like working the week was for nothing. This is something i really want to change. Its so engraved in my thinking that it feels right. I do know that I feel so much better if its Monday morning or Sunday morning if i just let it go but "IT" is still having its way. I wont give up. This is a tall mountain and if one of us one this site can climb it we all can.

[AlisonUK]

Hi everyone,
Checking in and reading the posts. Thanks for all your kind words and encouragements. My CV was finalised yesterday and about to be let loose on the employment world!
I feel more positive today except I'm about to leave for work (boo). Out of interest, am I the only parent in the world who has 2 kids aged 13 and 15 and can do absolutely SHIT!!!!!!!
Better go!
Toodle pip

[Ken1]

Watersam, I know for myself that AA seemed cliquey, strange, and not for me...but the truth for me is that I needed the community of like minded people for support. Even if I don't agree 100% with their approach or I think that the basic texts sound antiquated, I need the support of people who know what it is like to be an alcoholic and know what needs to happen for sobriety. I was just reading a booking the other day and would like to quote the following pertaining to achieving sobriety:

"What's on the other side? The exact same bullshit. But now I can at least deal with it - and what I can't deal with, I can laugh about. You have nothing to cushion the blow of life. All you can do is laugh. You've been robbing Peter to pay Paul and then there's a knock on the door. Guess who it is? Peter. He wants his fucking money. All you can do is laugh."

That's what I've had to learn. There is no magic breakthrough that makes it all better, but when I am sober I can deal with life and keep it from getting worse. And when I deal with life's problems, over time, my life gets better. One of the major tools I have learned to deal with that is to focus on the good things, to be grateful for what I have. Alcoholics love to turn negative on everything, to sit in self pity, and to make themselves victims of the world. I am this way - it is my nature. However, if I act this way, then the end result is drinking to relieve the pain.

I have a three day meeting I must attend in a slimy, horrible beach town. The main reason it is scheduled there is because of the hookers and chance to booze it up. The hotels and restuarants are crap. If I go there and complain about it and feel like I am missing out because I cannot drink, I will surely drink. If I go there and focus on the good things sobriety brings me, then I have a chance of staying sober. I am grateful to wake up sober this morning and glad that I have the ability to deal with the day's problems.


Wow Eric, I just wanted to point out what a great post this is. What a great quote from the book you shared and then your third paragraph really hit a nerve with me, eliciting a "me too" on every point.

My knee-jerk reaction is to expect the worst even though it almost never happens! You are so right, if I allow this thinking in it always leads to drinking, liquid armor if you will. The problem is that this temporary solution keeps us in the hamster wheel that is drinking. We all know that drinking only compounds our problems, ignoring them by getting drunk only makes them grow until they feel insurmountable.

On a lighter note congratulations on all the milestones! Very inspiring and proof that it can be done.
**
Beth, 1 month is awesome, keep up the good work!
ww3-Julie, 1 month, very big deal, most impressive.
Ruth, thanks for sharing your stories, 1 year in and still going strong.
Carol, another success story with 1 year, absolutely amazing, keep amazing us. Also thanks for your last post, it is like a how to list for success.

To anyone I missed, I apologize, please post your progress so we can cheer you on and be inspired by you. Anyone on Day 1,2,3 keep fighting.

Watersam, best wishes to you and you are welcome back anytime.

Kip, I know you don't care for AA and I completely understand why, but for me it was life changing, especially in the beginning. I had not found this forum and knew of no other way. When I got there it gave me hope that others had conquered this and that if they could do it so could I. This forum I think provides that for many, but I needed AA and still turn to them for support. I was advised to take all recovery advice cafeteria style, choosing the bits and pieces from each method that worked for me and leaving the rest behind. I agree with you that one of the great things here is that all are welcome, it proves to me that no matter our backgrounds, beliefs, country or whatever group the world wants to divide us into we can all be of great help and support to one another, we need each other here indeed. Lastly, I think you are not alone in being hyper-sensitive, I think that is one of the things we all have in common as drinkers. We feel like we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders all the time. I am learning to put it down once in a while now (or trying at least!). Be well.

[Kip]

Ken, thanks for the insight. You remind me that hypersensitivity is a common characteristic and probably one of the reasons why we medicate....just to turn off the noise for a bit, even if the result is often more painful. i know i get annoyed at my family's apathy about goings on in the rest of the world.. for ex: mideast problems - "oh they've been fighting there for thousands of years.. so what." the so what is what i so want to know... to develop a greater understanding. if that's hypersensitive i guess i'm wired that way. but... this effort to understand comes at a price when an addict like me is involved. there must be some middle road that satisfies intellectual desire without opening the floodgate of drinking.... i'm still working on that one..perhaps a part of massive change is finding some way to do something about those things and backing off from trying to save the world from itself.

you know, with AA I think a lot of it depends on the group.. as a runner/cyclist the group i went to was depressing because it seemed so sadly unhealthy... i was way out of place (not trying to sound elitist, but it just didn't fit..). i told my wife, prior to seeing this forum, that i wanted to get with people who were taking decisive action to improve their lives after drinking. voila! here on the forum i see so many folks trying to make positive change; exercise, eating right, living clearly, thinking about their own unique journey and trying to quit. like you said, we should all pick what works. i'm happy for you that AA worked and hope you didn't think i was taking a cheap shop at it. they were very welcoming and i learned some good things there. i just didn't desire the experience like i desire this forum. it turns out it's also more practical for me than driving around everywhere to meetings in the middle of the workday 'cause after work i just want to go home and be sober. what I hope watersam can understand is that this is a place of refuge and support.

Eric, great quote from your post. If we can only figure out how much benefit there is to laughing and yet retain my sensivitiy..

bdog, right on the money... we abstain during the week only to catch up on the weekend. what a pattern... i have to figure out how to be around people outside my home and work while sober. that sounds crazy but the hypersensitive discussion above relates to it..sober interactions with society in social and other situations is not yet in my wiring. memorial day coming up.... parties, bike races (watching), car show... all of these things are activities where drinking is woven into the fabric of behavior so tightly that to remove it is a big unravel job. massive change speaks again..:)

off to drive home and chill sober.. dinner, books, bath, bed....ahhh..... hope all my friends have a good evening....

[carol]

Oh, Julie (ww43), we forgot to warn you about 30 days! Thank you so much for your honesty. So, the 30 day thing. As originally posted by Patrick, the 30 day trial was just that. Go for 30 days, see what you think about it, drink if you want after that, but hopefully the taste of freedom is enough to start down the path of longer term sobriety (nope, I'm not gonna say "forever", too daunting. . .) So actually, you've done exactly that, done 30 days, took a drink, and found it wasn't all that great after all. Good. The risk, and what has unfortunately happened to several friends here, is after 30 days we tell ourselves, OK, I've got this thing licked, I'm OK to drink, no problem, I can stop anytime, see I stopped for 30 days, it's OK, and so on. So picking back up can be mightily hard to do.

So, the most important thing is exactly what you said, give up or move forward, with more knowledge, a taste of freedom, and a reminder of why you came here in the first place.

Regarding justifying why you're not drinking, there have been a number of posts about that. I don't remember who came up with the epiphany and noticed that when she (pretty sure it was a she) just said no, thanks, and had something non-alcoholic in her hands, most people didn't bug her. And the ones that did are likely fighting their own personal demons with worrying about drinking. (Favorite saying of these folks seems to be "c'mon, just one can't hurt you". Oh, yeah, well for Carol just one is my downfall.)

Thank you for your honesty, thank you for posting, thank you for returning and for taking that next step to move forward! Let us know how it goes, please! And hey, thanks to you we now have Paul joining us.

Paul, welcome and congrats on 3 days! I'd love to hear more from you tomorrow as you make it thru another day. I'm a big believer in posting a lot in the early days (I think I posted once or more a day for months!)

Allison, no you're not alone, sorry to tell you that you won't be able to do anything right until your kids are at least 17, maybe not until 19. Hang in there. And that CV is going to set the world on fire! Good luck.

Ruth, always so good to hear from you. I'll have more to say soon (smile). bdog, glad you're hanging in here. Millie & John, where are you and how are you doing? Let us know, please. (Oh, John, you checked in while I was typing! Yay.)

Oh, one more thing to add to my post yesterday. My kids left the nest, I retired from the demanding job, I'm still married to the wonderful but demanding husband, and I kept drinking. Everything else changed around me except me and my drinking. Until I stopped. And I am so glad I did.

And hi to everyone, even if I didn't say your name! Have a great sober evening / day. Just don't drink today!

[carol]

John, always glad to hear from you.

So what will you change? I know you REALLY don't want to be that guy.

[bdog]

Welcome Paul,

we are all in this together. Lots of positive feedback. Hang in there good people here!

[Midwest Sue]

Greetings, fellow travelers.

Welcome, Paul. Julie (ww43), I am glad you're still with us.

If I win the lottery, I am going to invite all of you to a big party. It will be somewhere outside. We can play softball, ride bikes, hike, make fabulous food and have coolers full of delicious non-alcoholic beverages. Who's in?

I realize that life feels gentler to me now. I don't have time for drama. I'm making better choices in general. I think that I am finally learning to like myself. It's not so much that life sober is "fabulous"... it just feels more real, more calm...serene I guess, even when sad or bad things happen. I used to be in the habit of letting myself get worked up over so many things. It was ok because I always had a bottle to crawl into for escape and comfort at the end of each day. Except that it wasn't ok because the cycle repeated itself over and over. It took a long time for me to tone down the daytime drama after I took away the artificial comfort. And during that time many evenings were just plain uncomfortable. But I kept coming back here to get encouragement and now my goal is to help others in the same way.

Thanks, all, for being here. Tomorrow I will not drink. I'll buy a lottery ticket instead.

Sue

[ToddE]

Julie (ww43),

Hope you find the motivation that works for you. Everyone has there own path in recovery. It is very difficult to quit drinking and it is hard to think of it being for ever. Sure quit for awhile, but once its under control ...... Try not to over think it / self analyise if you can. A few days after you've not drink and emotional swings settle back is a better time for pondering, at least for me.

Take care of yourself the best that you are able.

[AlisonUK]

Helloooo all
Midwest Sue...Count me in! I'll clean toilets to pay for that flight! It would be the best detox retreat ever I rekon! You are after all the Matriarch of this forum. A wise ol owl you are girl.
WW43, I remember needing to warn Morgan (where are you by the way) that after a good run of sobriety, we adopt the 'I'm cured.com approach' and the boozing starts. The problem is (for me anyway) that I was almost playing bloody catch up!!!! Once you take that first drink, 'I've blown it so I might as well screw it now. Right?
Be warned now everyone. If you are on a good run, don't think for one minute that you have cracked it. Also mentioned was 'why work all week and not have the weekends to look forward too for a booze up' How true. Except most of us don't wait for the weekend!
I could have lied my way through these postings. Yep....still not had a drink....(lying cow). What would have that served. I would have not only lied to you guys but to me too.
I'm cool though. The most positive thing that has come out of my addiction is that I have found a fantastic group of friends on SR. We are a special group here. Holding hands globally through cyber space. Oh no. I'm feeling quite emotional!!! LOL
Off to pick up the dog crap. NICE!
Stay clean and serene everyone.
Toodle pip

[AlisonUK]

Just forgot....Paul, you visualise us as different characters. Well I'm a cross between Jenifer Lopez, Cindy Crawford and Elle McFerson.

I've just seen a pink pig fly across the sky here!!!

LOL

[Ken1]

Julie ww43, I think being honest here means that you are being honest with yourself, which is required in recovery so congratulations. I also know that relapsing is part of the process, look how much you learned from it and all the support you received here afterward. 29 days is a big deal, so don't discount that one bit. It is also normal to feel guilt after slipping, so use that as fuel to power your next 30 days sober. I relapsed after 4 years sober. I love the way Allison described it as I'm cured.com, so easy to think that way but that is your AV trying to get you to feed it what it wants. I'm proud of you making it 29 days, for your honesty, and your energy devoted to getting back in the saddle. Good luck!

Paul, welcome aboard and congratulations on day 4 now! The best advice I can give you is start at the beginning of this thread and read the whole thing and do the same in the Getting Started thread. Then move on to the Patrick's articles at the main site. It may take some time depending on your schedule but I promise you will be inspired and learn a lot from all the collective wisdom posted here about how to stop drinking. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

Sue, I hope you win the lottery, it should would be great to meet you and all the rest of our family here! You are so right, life does tend to be smoother sailing sober and stress easier to handle without a hangover.

Kip, you are right, you have to block out everything else to get a handle on this addiction. I spent the weekend really reading Patrick's articles at the main site and one of the things that stood out was making recovery the most important thing in your life to the exclusion of all else. Get your own life jacket on and save yourself first before you try to do anything else. Be selfish about protecting your sobriety and commit to "I cannot drink no matter what." You can grow from there once you have the basics under control and you must, each step requires massive action. Here it is in his own words:

"Those who fail in early recovery can be easily diagnosed as people who did not take massive action. Anyone who relapses within the first 90 days of recovery can look back and agree that “yes, I could have done a lot more in order to work on my recovery. I did not take enough action.”

This is a no-brainer. If you dedicate your life to recovery, and take positive action every single day, then guess what? You will remain clean and sober, and your life will get incrementally better, every single day.

But if you try to slide by and do the bare minimum…trying to do “just enough” to maintain your sobriety, then guess what? Random life circumstances and events will eventually push you over the edge into a relapse."

The article is titled: Early Recovery from Addiction – A Complete Guide to Success and Relapse Prevention
Here is the link: http://www.spiritualriver.com/early-recovery-from-addiction-a-complete-guide-to-success-and-relapse-prevention/

I am with you in that this forum is a life saver. AA is not for everyone as evidenced by all the alternatives out there. It was the catalyst for me to see that there was a way out of the misery of drinking when I thought there was no hope. I have been to meetings where I sat next to the homeless, ex-cons, accountants and business owners and found that we all had something in common, that alcohol was controlling our lives and that we desperate enough to sit in a room full of strangers and say "Hi, my name is Ken and I'm an alcoholic." Pretty humbling and eye opening experience.

Better wrap it up, didn't mean to go so long, sorry all!

[Kip]

good day friends.... as always, thought provoking writing on all of our journeys. Sue, I'm in for a meet! Just tell me when.. can you imagine how meaningful those usually annoying "hello my name is..." badges would be? ha ha.. we'd probably spend hours just trying to reconfigure our realities... it would be fun. i like your thoughts about things being more gentle with sobriety.. i despise drama, especially as related to family, and yet i realize now that i feed it with alcohol. trying to be calm and centered is a whole lot more sane. then we can laugh at what people get worked up over. it is truly ridiculous... getting worked up over things nostalgic, dramatic, annoying, political, etc... de-stabilizes us and the ingrained response is alcohol. this was so apparent in a recent argument with my sister that finished with my Japanese wife calmly saying "can't you people just calm down and quit being so emotional..you're always screaming something, waving your hands, acting like children." it made us look like fools and punched me hard because i am always critical of myself and others for this behavior. i know well from living in Japan that i would have looked like a moron to act out like that in a culture that respects restraint and calm. as a geeky engineer i think about cars when i think of staying centered so here's a little analogy... put the center of gravity (weight, basically) in the wrong place and it can be a handful to drive - unresponsive, too responsive...off the road, bam...into a tree.... but get it right and it feels stable, alive, and joyful toodling down a back road. Just like the car, our lives have to be deliberately designed with the center of gravity in the right place.... subtle shifts can make differences in either direction.

ww43...we all know how you feel and we all say move on...it's ok. like you and AlisonUK say....the little voice that says "oh well, i blew one day... screw it, might as well keep going". that wore me out this past weekend and might do the same again. but a sober day is a sober day. as i tell my wife, my ultimately tendency is probably every single day as much as my body can take so any resistance to that is a step in the right direction. oh, and regarding justifying to people why you don't drink... i just finished reading some musings about that and the author (can't recall now here at work) floated the idea that we don't need to feel obliged to tell the truth when asked. make up anything, lie your ass off if that keeps you sober. interesting... i'm not saying i advocate lying but this is a little massive action thing that might just work. i usually say i'm training for a bike race even if not. yet in a way i kind of am... anyway, that usually diverts the discussion to the race itself. perhaps this is part of that healthy selfishness required for massive change. i also do that with people who are doing what i call "box checking" to inquire about my drinking. that is, their way of asking doesn't seem sincere, but only to make them feel like they're being concerned. (i admit to being hypersensitive here). i just say "i'm fine" and stare at them quietly. people who know my problem and don't actively contribute to my sobriety don't deserve more detail. i've developed a bit of a harsh attitude about them and offset it with total gratitude to those who are sincere - my wife, my friend Mark, and you folks on this forum. for me it's a massive change way to navigate the journey that seems to work during the week. weekends.. work in progress...

carol, with one year under your belt i have my ears wide open on how to do this trip.... i'm falling of the bike somewhere on the Cali/Nevada border and you're already in NYC..!

sorry if i seem to be forum-hogging of late but i really need to interact with you guys/gals at this point on the journey, especially as i try to put together a string of sober weekdays. happy hump day...!

[carol]

Kip, I love your sports car center of gravity analogy - get the center of gravity in the right place and our car handles like a dream! So putting sobriety as #1 priority is putting the center of gravity in the right place. Now for the additives: would you deliberately add something to the fuel or car's oil which would degrade performance? Maybe only on the weekends? Heck, no. So why would we do that to ourselves?

Kevin (hey where are you?) talked about planning ahead to drink; we've all done it. For those who can stay sober during the week but drink on the weekend, make a different plan! Our brains are trained to think of alcohol as a reward; they're actually wired that way. There's some study which I'm sure I'll get wrong where rats would literally starve themselves to death if they had a choice of alcohol or cheese. Only way out of this maze is whatever form of "massive action" works for you. And "NO-STOP!" when our brain starts in on us. Lots of posts about all this, read 'em if you haven't. But make a different plan for this weekend. Start now. Think about what you'll do. Plan what you'll drink. Have tasty non-alcoholic beverages available; if you don't have them, plan and buy them.

Isn't there some big race on Memorial Day weekend? Instead of the usual drink fest, how about if we use Kip's analogy and think of ourselves as race cars that need to be finely tuned for that big weekend - center of gravity at sobriety is #1 priority, no additives that degrade performance.

Now back to that bike riding analogy that I think Jeff came up with (hey, Jeff, how are you?). Kip, I love that you tell people you're training for a bike race 'cause you are! Ours. That excuse doesn't work for those of us who aren't as active, but almost everyone here can say they're on a diet (gotta lose a few pounds, nope, I'm on a strict diet, thanks anyway). And if you are too trim and fit to use that excuse, go for the bike race one! Or marathon.

By the way, I don't think I'm in NYC. I don't think I have all the answers. I give thanks every day for having found this site and Patrick's great words of wisdom and the love and support of this forum. Thanks, y'all!

[Midwest Sue]

Alison,
If you can be Jennifer/Cindy/Elle, then I can be Jamie Lee Curtis in the made-for-tv version of Spiritual River: The People and their Problems.
And btw, Carol is the matriarch of this forum. I am just a wannabe owl.
“Holding hands globally through cyber space…” Someone needs to write a song! And then we will all sing it when we gather around our SoberFest campfire, kum-bah-yah style!

Ken, I really love your repeated reminders of the basics. “I cannot drink, no matter what”. Dedication to positive action every single day. It can’t be said enough.

Kip, I love your analogy! “Put the center of gravity in the wrong place and it can be a handful to drive - unresponsive, too responsive...off the road, bam...into a tree.... but get it right and it feels stable, alive, and joyful”. Daily drinking skews your life balance. And you don’t even know it’s happening until you stop it.

Today after work there is a going-away happy hour for a co-worker at a bar and the whole department will be there. I’m looking forward to it as a challenge! Will I order a diet coke or a tonic with lime? Maybe a cranberry soda? Or the ultimately frugal ice water?? Will my colleagues question my beverage choice? Will I be scorned? Tune in later for the dramatic conclusion to this episode!

Hugs to all of you,
Sue

[kevin2]

Kevin (hey where are you?) talked about planning ahead to drink; we've all done it. For those who can stay sober during the week but drink on the weekend, make a different plan! Our brains are trained to think of alcohol as a reward; they're actually wired that way. There's some study which I'm sure I'll get wrong where rats would literally starve themselves to death if they had a choice of alcohol or cheese. Only way out of this maze is whatever form of "massive action" works for you. And "NO-STOP!" when our brain starts in on us. Lots of posts about all this, read 'em if you haven't. But make a different plan for this weekend. Start now. Think about what you'll do. Plan what you'll drink. Have tasty non-alcoholic beverages available; if you don't have them, plan and buy them.

Hey,...I'm here Carol. I've just been so busy this week at work I haven't had time to post much,..but still reading and keeping up as always. I'm back at day 11 here and doing well. There have been so many great posts in just the last few days I wouldn't know where to begin to comment on them. So many similar stories and thoughts,..it's amazing how this stuff affects all of us so similarly regardless of age, sex,...part of the world we live in, etc. I don't have any "slips" planned at the moment,..just enjoying sobriety and the freedom it gives me. It's funny, even though I have slipped a few times I know longer look at myself as a drinker,...I've now been sober all but 5 or 6 nights in the last 6-1/2 months and even those slips were nothing like my drinking of the past. I've noticed just this last week,..that drinking rarely crosses my my mind anymore and when it does it's not even a strong consideration. Keep up the good work everybody,..and as you mentioned there are ALOT of our regular posters that haven't checked-in in a while,..sooooo?? Let's here from everyone,..no matter what.

Have a great day folks!!

[JeffR1]

Okay then, I'm Daniel Craig! :)

Hi everyone. I still read a number of times each day - I have Spiritual River as an icon on my phone so I can read wherever I am throughout the day. Checking in here is a great support for me and helps to keep me focused on sobriety. It's about the 4 1/2 month mark for me now and sobriety is more of the norm for me now. I think about drinking here and there, but I'm grateful those thoughts are only thoughts and they are not too strong.

I had a work team conference last week interstate and we had a team dinner. Only myself and one other out of 18 people were not drinking. One person commented "You're not drinking?" and I just said "No, not at the moment" - and that was that! No big deal. I've never really been concerned what others think in that regard, so I tend not to worry too much. As it went, the team dinner was quite subdued compared to others in the past where the alcohol flowed freely into the early hours of the next morning!

Thanks everyone for posting. Although I haven't been posting as often of late, I really do benefit from the input of everyone here. I can relate to what is being said, and as mentioned, my sobriety benefits.

My own personal strategy has been the power of positive thought. I'm no Pollyanna, but I believe in faking it till you make it! So, I have tried to see myself as a sober non-drinker and it feels more right every day. People and life events don't trigger me now like they did before. I practice acceptance - as best I can - in everyday life. I'd say I'm not yet a 'happy go lucky' guy and I need to remind myself to smile more often, but that's okay - I'll get there! For the most part, I'm quite calm nowadays and I'm learning how to get along without using alcohol as a solution to everything. I've just got to do something about the smoking now! But, all in good time.

It's great to see people doing well, so my congratulations to everyone. If you're struggling, please know that it does get better with time. I promised myself for a long time (a long time) that I would get sober. I didn't live up to my own promises many times, waking up - or should I say 'coming to' - with that disgusting feeling every day! It really is so true what others here say that it is so important to not give up on giving up. I guess I learned just that little bit more each time, till things eventually gelled and I'd had enough of drinking. Please keep looking forward and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Have a great sober day everyone. :)

[Kat]

Hi everyone. My last post was 4 weeks ago so there are a lot of new names out there. Welcome to all of you!
I have checked in from time to time on my phone but hate to post from it. I had minor surgery for some torn ligaments but doing good. Hanging in there still and been thinking about how you all are doing. I have some catch up reading to do. Stay strong everyone!

[carol]

Sylvane, Reese Witherspoon? Probably not really a diva, but Southern I think. I'm still figuring out who I want to be that's not already taken. What a lovely group we are.

Mel, are you still there?

[Midwest Sue]

Checking in after Happy Hour. I arrived at the bar and most of my co-workers had a table and drinks in front of them. There was a seat for me and man was I thirsty! When the server came by I asked for a diet coke, and the roof did not cave in! Nor did I hear any gasps, or see any shocked looks. I was perfectly happy with my drink and had a lovely time.
Even though everyone else had a beer or an alcoholic drink (and yes, that Tanqueray & tonic next to me looked mighty refreshing), I didn't feel even slightly out of place. In fact, I felt proud.

Then I went home sober. The end.

[makettle]

Well done MW Sue. It will be a great feeling waking up in the morning with no hangover ay.

AllisonUK - I have four children with two teenagers still at home - and I admit I am struggling at the moment. It's a rollercoaster ride isn't it. I think that is a major reason why I turn to alcohol - just to escape from the reality of being a parent and all that it involves. Beth - thanks for your positive words the other day.

Hey Jeff - good to see your post, I was wondering how you were. Winter is starting to knock on the door over here in NZ. Good though coz that means lots of reading time in front of the fire!

[Ruth]

Wow, Sue- way to take the drama out of life! Just kidding. That really is the long and short of it- don't put alcohol in your mouth and the rest will follow. The rest of you, I also have a teenage daughter and it has been interesting quitting drinking around her. She is on record saying she misses the drunk mommy, because drunk mommy is fun and funny (I bet!). But lately, she has been noticing that I am not as volatile and things around the house are more cheerful. I am lucky with her because even though she is strong-willed and intense, she also understands the give and take of our family and refuses to fight, except on very rare occasions. Fight with parents, I mean- with her brother that is another story! Though it has gotten a lot better, Noel, in the last year or so (they are 12 and 15), so there is hope! Keep up the good work, everyone. Someone on another site said, "Nobody ever comes back and posts how thankful they are that they drank last night!" So true! Keep that in mind, and don't put alcohol in your mouth!

[carol]

Julie, hang in there. Teen age daughters are so hard. I lived thru two. Sigh. Drink doesn't help though. You WILL get through this. Know that she loves you, it just really doesn't look like it. Hug your younger one and tell her you love her. If you can stand it, tell your older one that too, even if she doesn't listen and you don't feel like it just now. It will make you feel better. Try not to drink, OK? Good luck!!!! Hugs to you! I'm off to bed but will send good thoughts your way.

[bdog]

Welcome all newcomers.

I had a interesting experience at a business function last week. I had three people make comments on my not drinking. Its kinda funny after you hear more than one. "your not drinking" never gave it much thought until the other day and then it just sounded very odd. Why would you really care is someone is or is not? Also, someone asked me what was wrong with me since I had a bottle of water in my hand. I just smiled and said. "nothing I feel great!

[Ruth]

Great answer, bdog! And hang in there, Julie! Carol is right- sh*t happens with parents and kids, and you get past it. Try being clear at least with your younger one that you are struggling and having a hard time. We can model problem-solving skills even when stuff feels hard and impossible. Also, I recommend planning a new strategy for when you get angry- make a deal with yourself that you will leave the room for at least a half hour. It takes that long for all the hormones that anger releases to dissipate. Maybe you can talk with the older one when everyone is calm to find a new way out of the conflict (maybe not to SLOVE the conflict, but to STOP the angry response). You will be surprised at how your behavior change will affect the kids.

[kevin2]

Sylvane, Reese Witherspoon? Probably not really a diva, but Southern I think. I'm still figuring out who I want to be that's not already taken. What a lovely group we are.

Mel, are you still there?

I believe Kate Upton is from the South (Florida?),..so I'll go with her as my visual for you Southern Bells if you don't mind. I guess David Beckham is who I'm most often mistaken for,..(just an FYI for you ladies) ;-) lol

[Midwest Sue]

To those of you whose triggers are your beloved teenagers: I am so lucky to not have that problem with my last remaining child at home, but oh how I remember those days with my other two.

My biggest trigger in the early weeks of sobriety were interactions with my husband, and I think you could use this response with your teens also. When he "pushed my buttons", the first thing I did was pause and recognize what was happening instead of instantly reacting. If I didn't feel strong enough to engage in a rational debate about whatever-it-was without getting upset, I left the house for awhile. You could fault me for simply escaping and not dealing with the issue, but in the early weeks I really needed to do that. A simple statement as you're leaving is all that's required: "I want to avoid reacting in a way that I'll regret later, so I'm going to walk away from this conversation for now."

My automatic reaction as a drinker would have been to engage in a fight and then drink to calm down/escape. Walking away was a better alternative and kept me sober.

With time, I've built up the ability (and serenity?) to address problems without flying off the handle, so I don't have to walk away anymore.

Oh - five months ago today I bought and drank my last bottle of alcohol. Since then I've saved $900!

[AlisonUK]

Hello all
A rare thing for me to be posting late evening but I'm sitting outside on my garden deck and it's 9.39pm. It's been HOT here in East London Town so still warm tonight. Kevin2! What's going on with the Beckham Pic. It's seriously funny. Nice body but shame about the yawn voice and extra bony wife. Paul, are you North or South UK.
As for kids......my 15 year is nothing short of shocking. She looks and treats me like I've been scraped off of her shoe. She couldn't care less about her grades at school (which are very bad) and 2 years ago she 'came out'. Not sure if this is a teenage shocker. She is one of these Goth looking people. Black hair, black clothes and thrash metal music. She thinks she is unique. Nope....I've lived that one and I can remember being a complete idiot too. There is light at the end of the tunnel (so I've been told!) My 13 year old daughter is just superb. She can't handle the eldest either. Funny eh.
Anyway...How comes we are turning out to be film and TV stars???? Daniel Craig....I think the beach scene kept jamming on my TV and I had to keep rewinding it!!! Soooo annoying!
Anyway. I'm off to get some beauty sleep...I'll be back in a year! LOL
Toodle pip

[bdog]

AlisonUK too funny, you dont like Bond or Craig?

take care everyone stay sober and sleep well!!!

[Eric]

I have been reading a few book lately tog ain some more insights in this disease. This is a quote from the book “Everything I Never Wanted to Be” taking a look at the difference between “having a good time” and alcoholism:

"Regular having-a-good-time people don’t wake up in a pool of vomit. If you have been cut off in a bar, that could be a problem. If you don’t remember the night before and you wake up with random injuries on your body and leaves and sticks in your hair, could be an issue. If you get drunk, call every person you know, tell them you’re going to kill yourself, and then wake up the next day and decide to join a gym, something is very wrong. If you think everyone in the world is against you and you are completely mistreated… if you think your drinking only affects you… if you drink because your life sucks more than anyone else’s… if you drink because all the people around you are fuckers…and the biggest one, if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Am I an alcoholic?”… God bless you, you are probably and alcoholic."

I laughed when I read the gym one, as I always went on a health kick with every hangover.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Bdog, I'm not a fan of Bond except Daniel Craig in his swimming trunks coming out of the sea did get me hooked for a bit. Rewind, Rewind, Rewind! LOL
I took my mum in law out for lunch yesterday and the restaurant I chose was closed due to a refit. The next available place was my local pub. Everyone sitting outside drinking beer and bottles of wine. I had two pints of pineapple juice and lemonade with ice. Very refreshing but kept looking at those 'normal people' swigging! I felt like my eyes were resembling Kaa from the jungle book!
Had a two mile walk with my dog this morning through a nature reserve before the heat kicked in. I love the weather but it always brings out the over weight buffalos wearing next to nothing! It's enough to put you off of that BBQ sausage!!
Speak soon guys. Don't forget to have a larf!
Toodle pip

[Beth]

Good day all! NEED to check in and see how all you damn lovely people are doing. Things are well but had some white knuckling times this past week. I keep thinking of the article that said something about if you relapse can you really look back and say you tried your hardest or will you say I could have tried harder. Call it auto pilot when you relapse but I am starting to see that it will be my choice to give in.
My heart goes out to all that are dealing with the little people (our kids) that put us over the edge! They really know how to push those buttons. They are a trigger but as I say everything is a trigger so when I feel my blood start to boil from the irritation and then guilt, I can realize Life sucks more if I have to try and explain to them that alcohol is more important than them. I worry so much that one day they will be fighting this battle because of me. It is so easy to see that they like me more when I am coherent. I am not the perfect parent but can at least be there for them when I am not trying to escape from them through the bottle.
Ugh! It's going to be a rough weekend. Prayers to you all to enjoy the holiday the way we truly want to.... SOBER.

[Ken1]

Beth, brilliant! You really said a lot in your sentence above: "They are a trigger but as I say everything is a trigger so when I feel my blood start to boil from the irritation and then guilt, I can realize Life sucks more if I have to try and explain to them that alcohol is more important than them."

What are my triggers? Everything! How right you are, we can use anything as an excuse to drink. I will now be changing my detailed list of triggers from when I was just getting started to this:

My Triggers=Everything

The lesson for me is to never let your guard down as it leads to a downward spiral and a trip to the liquor store. I also like what you said about having to explain that alcohol is more important than them. Before I am ever tempted to take a drink, I will think to myself, is having a drink really the answer or is this just another one of my lame excuses to put on my liquid shield and tune the world out, to bury my head in the sand and pretend that everything is fine? The saying whistling past the graveyard comes to mind.

Sue, I wanted to commend you on your trip to the bar. You posted your story as a two part cliff hanger and you came through like a hero in the end. I hope you don't mind but imagined the theme song to Indiana Jones when you were walking out the bar triumphant! Good job.

Bdog, same to you. In my world the only people that give me a hard time about having a non-alcoholic drink are other alcoholics still in denial. Misery loves company as they say.

I wasn't going to chime in on the characters because I couldn't think of anyone that I admired off the top of my head, but then I came up with someone, I want to be John Wayne in this show!

[carol]

Hey, y'all, it's the weekend! Make plans to NOT drink. Paul, good job on planning movies with your son, which then helped you avoid a drink fest. That's what I'm talking about!

John, I'm working on a challenge for you. I'll probably post in on Monday. I'm deliberately baiting your alkie brain to try to figure out what I'm up to. (smile)

Congrats are in order for Jeff and JacquieC at 4-1/2 months and Sue at 5. Woo hoo!

Lots of great posts! Keep 'em coming, and don't drink today!

PS, John Wayne it is, Ken, I can see it pardner!

[tinabela]

Hi everyone! Well, here I am, a newbie at this site. I cannot express what gratitude I have for all of your shares, care and compassion. Today is starting day 3 for me being sober and even though there have been a couple of triggers, there have been some wonderful happenings as well. I was clean for 9 or so years and slowly fell back into the grips of the cycle of becoming overwhelmed then kicking back with a beer here and there. Before I knew it, I was back in full bloom of alcohol neurosis. In the last month it really escalated to the point that I couldn't identify what was triggering my behavior. My counselor suggested that it sounded as if I was using it as many use caffeine. With that thought I was able to link thoughts together about it and I'm feeling much better mentally. A few days ago I drank one too many and put some damage on my car. Oh boy, not again. I didn't even want to get out and look, but I blew a tire out. So I got out of the car and sat at the edge of the river, stayed calm, puked, brushed my teeth then called the tow service and made up a lie to the driver (who is no dummy). Whew, two new struts and $500 later, I was relieved to pay the bill. I am going to leave the crease down the side as a reminder of 'another close call.' So I came home and sat and out of desperation searched online and found this site. Miraculous! I thank the universe, spiritual gods - whoever has been keeping tabs on me for putting me in the right place. After reading many, many posts I feel at home. I'm tired of living a dual life, tired of all the work it takes to hide evidence and tired of separating myself and hiding from the world. Thanks, everyone for being here!

[Midwest Sue]

Welcome, Tinabela!!
What a great time to take this step - just before a holiday weekend. Stick around. We would love to hear how it goes for you!
Sue

[Ken1]

tinabela, hello and welcome. Good job on your 3rd day and thanks for sharing your story. Please keep posting and tell us how you are doing as often as you can. I think we all consider this site a blessing and however we got here feel lucky. I like your description of living a dual life, welcome home! We all can relate to what you are going through. Sorry to hear about your car and wow are you lucky that tow truck driver did not call to report you, he must have been sent by your guardian angel to give you one more chance so glad to hear you are following up on it. Good luck on your journey (round 2), hope you have a great and sober Memorial Day weekend, and $500 struts are nothing compared to a $12,000 DUI. I can also relate to what you are saying about alcohol being isolating, life is too short for that so good for you for making the brave decision you did.

Paul, we will all be here battling out the triggers over the holiday with you. Together we can all do this.

[tinabela]

Thanks everyone for getting back to me! I'm looking forward to getting to know you all! Noel: I was with my partner, Mark, for 19 years who was my drinking buddy. In 1992 we moved from Southern California to Eastern Washington - the country. Our drinking was spinning out of control. One day I was laying on the floor and he happened to take a photo of me. When I saw what I looked like, I pretty much realized that I had to quit. So I went to a local outpatient center. There were about 9 other people there, all by law, due to DUIs. I felt out of place since I was there voluntarily. But, it worked. I quit. It meant quitting a lot of socializing with our drinking friends (who I really never related to anyway). So that was ok, but Mark kept it up as he was very social and quite a dynamo. Percentages were told to me that there was a 50/50 chance that we would stay together. We did, even though it was tough. I stayed home while he was out having fun. We managed to keep it together until he passed of cancer in 2003. I healed up pretty quick, got on with my life and this is the catch...a new relationship! There were so many similarities (except the drinking). I was bright-eyed and after about a year I moved in with him. Eeeeyikes...a stubborn bachelor who was quite set in his ways of doing things around his place. In looking back, I probably moved in a little too fast as I love rehabilitating space...you know...let's repaint, do this, do that. He was like a scolding parent. Hence to say, our communication sucked and there were a lot of misunderstandings. That's when it all began. I stayed 6 months and moved back to my house in town which caused another snafu...town center living with people always dropping in. Now I had to face my own boundary issues. It just became too much, I didn't know which end was up. In 2009 I was diagnosed with cancer and decided to move to the 'big' city while I had my treatment. I really liked being anonymous. I didn't touch a drop for about 6 months. I joined a Buddhist meditation group and spent a lot of time walking around my neighborhood enjoying the beauty. It was good. Then I moved back to my house in town (hmmm...a cycle there!) After a time I sold my house and rented an apartment with a friend. It was great as we study a lot of the same spiritual material (A-Hicks Law of Attraction and others). Then town got to me and that's when the drinking really started up again. In the past month I decided to move back to the country with the same man. I know it sounds nuts, but I've really been doing the work on strengthening up, thickening my skin and allowing where it may go this time - with minimal expectations. I definitely have pushed the limits though as he has had no idea about the drinking I've been doing. I've hid cases of beer, driven empties to garbage dumpsters in town...omg...craziness. So, 3 days..almost. About a hour ago I really thought about sneaking in a nice cold one, but I stopped knowing that I have support now!! Thank goodness! Apologies in advance to each and every one of you for listening to this dumping. It's just so nice to be able to let it out! Paul: Keep up the exercising - replacement therapy that can only do you good, right?! And MW Sue: I'm really enjoying your supportive posts - keep them coming! :-)

[bdog]

Take care everyone, Im not doing well but im doing better with everyones help who have been here the last year and who have not left. that means you Carole and all who stay and help. some of us are really trying.

[tinabela]

Ken1: Thanks for the helping words! And bdog: I'm cheering you on to do well. It's tough. We're having company and I'm working on getting over my resistance of feeling like I need to 'be on.' I'm telling myself to take some deep breaths, chill out and enjoy. I've got pineapple and orange juice ready and waiting for me in the fridge! Everyone have a great holiday. I'll try to check in later this evening!

[Beth]

Welcome Paul and Tinabela! I am blessed to have found this site and know that we are all pulling for you.
Like Ken said we will be here to help through this long weekend. Speaking of.... bdog how can we help? Please let us help. Alcohol is sooo mind altering. It has such a way of making us feel like we can't be without it. Even tonight, my neighbor offered me a beer and I was tripping over every word telling him no thank you. It was like I was hoping he would have twisted my arm and said come on please.
I am still taking baby steps in my journey. I am even considering going to an AA meeting this weekend just as an added security.
Stay strong everyone..... Stay positive and remember why we found each other here on this fabulous forum...... We will remain safe if remember the YET...... The worse hasn't happened YET..... Please try to think of what could happen if we chose to drink today.

[tinabela]

Amy: Have a really great weekend and enjoy to the fullest!

[bdog]

Hi all,

Noel Im here always reading thru the weekends take care. Welcome Tinabal and Psul. Alison UK Im not into Craig in his shorts but I have loved the character for years. Beth in PA thanks, its going to be hot here in Happy Valley but it will be worse in a month or so. Take care.

bd

[Beth]

Yes it is a beautiful day today. Lots on my to do list to keep me busy but will also spend some time in the sun reading and napping:)
Finishing up the book Julie recommended Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore. I identify through it all and love the humor she adds to keep it enjoyable. She talks a lot about going to meetings and how it was such an integral part of her recovery. I have only been to one meeting as an adult (My mom use to take me as a teenager when she was attending) and that was a year ago. It was a small group that read from the Big Book. I found an open meeting to attend tonight that is really close to my house. I first thought ummm what if someone there knows me?...but no biggie, I Am Ready To Surrender and if they are there then oh well. Through this forum and journey I have learned to be honest and what a great feeling. I am facing my fears straight on. Not that it is easy by any means. I am scared shitless (sorry, couldn't think of a better word) but I have felt the relief of being truthful and honest and I Like It!
The meetings at 8 tonight.

[bdog]

Beth,

Remember, dont beat yourself up. do the best you can and move on.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Bdog. I did't really think that the Daniel Craig was up your street! lol. It's so hot here in the UK (hot for me anyway) Can't bare the sweaty under bra. Now...even us JLos get that!!!!
Tinabela, how long have you been in remission? Welcome.
Off to roast my face in the heat for a tad longer!
Love to you all
Toodle pip

[Beth]

Hi Julie, Glad to see you this weekend. I know what you mean about the screw it part when you just had so much success and now your back to the beginning. Keep trying girlfriend!

Sylvane, I will let you know how it goes but when they ask do I have a sponsor can I say "Yes, her name is Sylvane"? You were there in my beginning days and that means so much to me. Love yah!

Alison, my JLos will need some powder tonight! It is hot here too!

[Lake Lady]

REMINDERS TO MYSELF
I don’t like waking up with a killer headache.
I don’t like feeling nauseous and having an upset stomach.
I hate smelling like alcohol as it burns off my body while I attempt to sleep.
It’s scary waking up in the middle of the night and having heart palpitations.
It’s frustrating knowing that I’m going to feel exhausted the entire next day because I’ve gotten terrible sleep.
I waste money purchasing alcohol, drinking it, throwing it out, and then doing it all over the next day.

ww43 - That list, right there, is the reason I am on day 4. I am so sorry to hear about your slip up. I have read some of your posts. If I could add another entry to your reasons not to drink list, it would be so that you could stick around and continue helping fellow newbie/start-ups like me. I will refer to this list often.

I wish you peace.

[tinabela]

Nice job, Beth, facing your fears! I hope you made it to the meeting. I understand, living in a super small community how it might feel showing up and seeing someone you know, but you are on the right track. So keep on keeping on.

Alison: Working on day 4 of remission. I've had a few triggers and it would have been easy to slip-up, but each time I told myself that I now have a fabulous support group! Thank you!!! And...bet you're getting a great tan!

ww43: Thanks for the reminder list. Well done. I learned something in a course I took - it's simply "Start Where You Are." It's a bit tricky because we want to hang on the the remembrances of how crappy we feel and situations that may have occurred to shame ourselves. I try to separate those feelings, get past the guilt (but not be in denial) and then look to the moment where I can just start over. So go easy on yourself :-)

Hi LakeLady! I'm on day 4 too! Let's celebrate that together!

Smiling gratefully for you all, feeling peace knowing you are there and sending blessings on this day!!

[CeeCee]

This is my first post and let me say, I am so feeling ya'll. I completley humiliated myself and my husband in front of his entire family three nights ago. It feels unforgivable. My gracious hubby says it will seem fumny, in about fourty years. But this time its really bad. I hate myself. I know the drinking has to stop, that is the only way I can right this wrong. Not sure I can bring myself to explain what happened (or what I remember of it). But I want to keep you updated on this attempt to end my self-destructiveness.

[Kimmy]

Hi everyone, seems I only get on here once a week to post and then a lot of catching up to do. Ww43 love your list I too think of of my list and it defiantly helps me. Ceecee welcome don't beat yourself up, I would look at the situation as positive because it got you here with all of us. I know for me it did. I thought posting on iPad was hard this on is on phone. I hope everyone is enjoying a safe and sober weekend..

[Beth]

Happy Sunday All and welcome CeeCee! Ugh, do I know that feeling all the way in the pit of my stomach......"Hi everyone, laugh at the drunk please like we don't feel humiliated enough". Self-destructiveness is a great way to put it. Be gentle on yourself in these first days, give yourself some "me" time. Punishing yourself is a very natural response since we have come to believe that we don't deserve anything but punishment.

Well I did make it to the AA meeting last night. Glad I did. Like I said I needed the extra security this weekend. The kids are with their dad all weekend and am not sure how I am going to stay sober just sitting around hoping not to drink. It was nice to be somewhere that you knew you would not see an ounce of alcohol and no one would pressure or make you feel uncomfortable about drinking. We talk about it all the time here but that was the first time I felt it in the real world. It was nice.

[Midwest Sue]

Beth, it's good that you made it to the meeting! I hope you're able to make the most of your sober weekend alone. Yesterday I had a rare few hours free to catch up on housework. I woke up clear headed, made good decisions about how to spend my time, put on some music and got a lot done at an enjoyable pace. I treated myself to my newest favorite beverage, Sparkling Ice (blackberry) in a wine glass and it really satisfied the craving for a reward.

i'm happy to see all of the newcomers here and will continue to cheer you on from the sidelines!

I remember wondering if I would ever be able to quit drinking or if I would take the demon to my grave. I even wondered if a shortened life span would be enough to motivate me to stop. BC (Before Clarity) I was willing to give up years of living (and I did in fact give up much of my life) in order to have the daily buzz.

Better late than never, at age 56 I stopped the madness. 5 months later I am learning to embrace life and myself in a whole new way.

Never quit quitting! Do not allow your hand to lift a glass of alcohol to your mouth today.

Have a great sober day!

[Beth]

Thank you Sue. Yesterday I did oodle amounts of laundry so today I will get the other household chores done. I keep thinking about what you said about your husband just setting his mind to stop drinking. The tenacity he has. I use to have that tenacity and am training my brain to get that back. Also, congrats on 5 months! A Superb Accomplishment!

Last night a man made the comment on staying sober. "I can't, We can". So true especially on this little forum of ours. Patrick has made it possible for us to beat this together and I for one feel the bond that keeps us together. Fighting this together.

[CeeCee]

It was so nice to wake up without that OMG what have I done feeling this morning; and to check thread and see that you guys read what I wrote and responded. Thank you. Kimmy,so true about my horrible experience being positive if it has brought me here, to the point of changing my ways. Today is going to be hard because we have a family gathering where I have to face the people I embaressed myself in front of so badly the other night. Skipping it isn't an option. Do I hold my head high? Do I apologize even though I am not ready to talk about it (afraid I might start crying:more humiliation). I don't know how to act. But I know I am not drinking today:)

[tinabela]

Good morning all! Well, here it is Sunday, day 5! Yay! It's 8 am, I'm home alone all day and normally I would be heading up to the little country store to buy a six-pack and get started on my day. Then I'd get pretty buzzed and become Superwoman and run around doing chores like the Tazmanian devil. Then I would burn out around 2pm, smash and hide cans and hope my empty garbage stash wouldn't be found out. Whew! Exhausting! Gives me a headache just thinking about it! Today will be different. It's feeling so good being sober!

I was so happy to wake up and see new posts. Thankyou for all the wisdom. Each and every post has so much value!

Welcome CeeCee! Kimmy and Beth have it right. Go easy on yourself. It is a positive because had your situation not happened, you may not be here now!

Happy Sunday. The sun is finally out and I'm headed to the fridge to get some oj and seltzer water (need that carbonation replacement). I'm sending peaceful, relaxing thoughts to you all!

[Kip]

Hey friends..Hope all are well.. The forum is buzzing with great discussions..always something to reflect upon. What a journey.. I am so impressed by your strength and resolve.. For those hanging on the edge or not doing as well as we want to.. Let's hang together..

hot here in SC.. Just did a climb on my bike to a nearby mountain..pro race here this weekend so the real cyclists are everywhere! To be sure, I haven't managed total sobriety but at least not in hammer down mode. There's still the nagging weekend thing I can't work out.. I'm just gonna keep reading, remain aware, and enjoy the success of my friends here..

Monaco F1 grand prix party w some French friends tonite.. That means good food for sure..and wine.. Fridge full of yummy seltzer water remains an option. So there. Take good care folks..

[Ken1]

ww43, I think relapsing is perfectly normal and you got yours out of the way. When the temptation to drink comes again, just re-read your last post, it was great! Welcome back and have a great weekend.

CeeCee, I agree with everyone else, forgive yourself, let it go, go to the party and be yourself. If anyone brings it up just smile and tell them what ever you are ready to tell them. Tell them you are sorry if you wish, tell them whatever you need to at this point to get through your event. You don't need to make a public declaration that you think you have a problem at this early stage or ever, just keep it between you and your husband, who sounds very supportive. Make sure you eat and I like Sylvane's idea of wearing something expensive as a deterrent to drinking.

Hello to Sue, Beth, everyone and all the new posters, great posts today. Hope your holiday weekend is going well and that you have access to a swimming pool if it is as hot where you are as it is here. Going back to cooking out and having an ice cold glass of sweet tea, so see ya'll later.

[Beth]

Hi Ken, no pool here but enjoying the heat in between air conditioning breaks. I was watching where beer sales were down for the Indy 500 because of the heat. Funny how in the past that would be shocking to me as a drunk but today I understand that water is probaly better for you on days like these.

Tinabela, I wanted to share a story with you about the time I damaged my car severely. I rode the wrong way over tire spikes going into a parking lot. Bending rims and making the car completely inoperable. That was after I scraped up the right side driving the guard rail so I wouldn't swerve. Again, a night that someone was looking out for me. I was in a horrible part of town by myself. In the parking lot some whino came to my rescue. He asked if I could call someone to help me. I said I was to drunk to call and asked him to call my family member for me. He said he didn't know how to use a cell phone......we finally figured it together and got ahold of a family member that came and got me and had my car towed. No cops! I was so completely mortified, ashamed, scared that I could have injured someone or myself (my baby was two months old at the time. Not with me but could have lost me that night) that I paid the whole $6,000.00 worth of damages out of my pocket. That would teach me an expensive lesson I thought........that was many years ago. Many drunk years since then.

I wanted to tell anyone who cares that I just read the article Patrick posted today about AA. It is informative as well as objective. A current event post for this thread.

[CeeCee]

Good advice. My event was at lunch, its over and we are home. Drinking there wasn't an issue, but becoming so upset that I came home and drank was, and that didn't happen. I did take all the steps to look my best, played it cool, and made it through fine. I could feel the lingering disappointment and disgust in the air, which I need to feel. I want to remain humble for a long,long time. Its very enpowering to have your support,advice,experience in my arsenal. I'm fighting monster that took my father's life and now wants mine. I can't let that happen though because God has given me a husband and three beautiful little boys to take care of. My baby is 6 months old. My horror, my lowest low, from the other night? Here goes. I dropped him. He fell from my arms. I'm crying now. Do you ever want to reach out to me again?

[carol]

CeeCee, of course! I drove drunk too many times with my beautiful daughters in the car. One night I vividly remember doing that was the night I broke one of my front teeth, which then had to be pulled and cosmetically repaired. I dont remember how I broke it. The only thing I remember from that night was driving oh so carefully when I picked them up because I was way too drunk to drive. We got home, end of memory, woke up with broken tooth. I could have killed or maimed them or someone else. You are doing the right thing! I spent far too many years drunk instead of taking care of my daughters. You can stop NOW and enjoy your boys.

Take a moment and write down what happened and how you felt then, how you feel now. I think it was Ruth who called it our journal of shame. Hard to believe but the day will come when you'll be tempted to forget and say oh it wasn't so bad. Then you can read this incident in your journal and remind yourself and say you NEVER want to put your kids at risk again.

Sad to say my broken tooth driving drunk night is in my top 5 but not even #1. So many ugly incidents in my past. But that was then and this is now. Now I am free, and you can be too!

Sylvane is so right - hug that baby and forgive yourself!

Here's a hug across the miles.

[carol]

Julie (ww43), glad you're back. I have found reading and posting to be such a solace and help and look forward to reading more of yours. Claire with the gopher - yikes indeed!

[CeeCee]

Thank you for being able to understand how bad that scared me and where I'm coming from. I couldn't expect or receive that support anywhere else right now. My baby is fine and has really enjoyed me clinging and singing to him so much the past few days. But how many warnings do we get before the worst happens? I quit during three pregnancies, I can quit again. But its just like Patrick says, you can't even let your mind go there. Thats when I start feeling sick and shakey like I NEED a drink. When you're pregnant its just not an option, which makes it so much more simple. It has got to be out of the question. I'm all or nothing. And I mean all as is in a fifth of whiskey. I need to mean nothing as in not a drop.

[Mel]

Hey everyone - to all struggling, just know that we understand and we've been there/are there/(hopefully never ever - but you know) will be there. I'm on Day 2. I've committed to a 30 day self-challenge. Which is getting everything back on track including no drinking, regular cardio/weigh training, better diet and working 6 hours everyday on my research/writing etc. I almost caved earlier .... and then, I didn't. It has been tough for me to string even two days together. And I'm considering getting some outside help. This place has been wonderful and supportive and I'm not going anywhere. But I need to up the ante, and really do something to make sure this time I make it happen. Love to all.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Powerful reading! CeeCee, I did actually gasp when I read your post. Move on from that now my friend. Your baby is fine. There is not one person on this sight that has not said/done things that they have regretted due to the drink!
I had to come off of Facebook due to drunken rants. I was eventually threatened to get my head kicked in if I continued on it. Oops. The one thing that really hits home is how so many of you 'up' the drinking when back from a party. That is sooo true. 'I'm safe at home now, car parked and I can get well hammered'!!!!
Paul, don't think ahead to your birthday. It's a big one alright. I was in Barcelona for my 40th. Serious boozing.
I'm going to check out that book. 'mommy doesn't drink here anymore'. I need to address my drinking.
I'm cool though. Got to get to work.
Toodle pip.

[Beth]

CeeCee, we are all here for you if you want us to be. Thankfully you have recognized the need to get this monster out of your life and you will save your boys any further embarrassment caused by alcohol. Like the embarrassment of picking up your 8 year old up from practice and them telling you to stop talking because you smell like beer. You think people don't know, they know. I had a friend tell me recently that she could smell alcohol on me all the time but didn't want to say anything because she was my friend. That gets me so mad ...... I think why didn't she help me if she knew I had a problem!

Paul, thank you for checking in! So glad you made it to day 8! Such a feat! Keep it up buddy. Like they say, no one wants to quit drinking but we do anyways. We see the necessity in not repeating the madness over and over.

Mel, stay strong and keep posting. For me that has been a helpful tool.

I went to another meeting last night which helped me stay sober for another day!

Alison, let me know what you think of the book.

I suggest that everyone check out the book thread under the water cooler forum that sweet Fiona started. It is a great resource. I am drowning myself in these books. I have never been a avid reader but now with the brain fog lifting I am finding it easier to concentrate and enjoy. Yesterday I came across a book called 'don't let the bastards grind you down'. I ordered it because its not at my library. You can read an excerpt online. The author wrote it as a hand book to get sober. Its sounds like a good read for all us newbies and relapsers. I'll post it in the water cooler thread after I read it if I find it worth it.

[CeeCee]

Good morning. Its day five These past few nights of rest have been amazing. I feel so clear and calm. Why would I ever give this up for a hangover? Of course it always seems easy on a peaceful morning, huh? Paul, 8 days is such an accomplishment. Keep it up and by your birthday you won't need a drink to feel like celebrating. You'll be actually enjoying life. I hear you about the dark side of drinking. For me putting it out there has helped, we're blessed to have this circle where we can say what we need to. Allison, you're right, I'm moving on. Taking Carol's advice to right it down so I can remind myself why I can't go back, but I'm done replaying it in my head. Much more of that and this awakening would start feeling like the nightmare that I was living. What good would that do? None, and thats how I'm going to kick this. I'm going to make something good come out of several generations of misery. I sure didn't learn the easy way. I watched my Daddy die of it then I turned it onto myself and have lost how many unknown blesssings on account of it? I can't let all that be for nothing. Something good has GOT to come from it all. Starting now. Lets kick this monster's ass together.

[Midwest Sue]

Quote of the day: "Let's kick this monster's ass together."

Hell yeah!

Massive action!

Wimpy effort, partial effort, hope and maybes won't cut it. We have an all-out war on our hands, friends.

We all have too much to lose. I'm ALL in on this fight.

[bdog]

Wow,

sooo much good times and then the words lately, Im there too. I guess its not as bad for me because im single with no children and just older family and friends who all know me and what I have been doing. that doesnt make it right but I do feel for someone who has to look in a childs face and hide what I think Im trying not to show at looking into a 50 year olds face they know. Lets do our best to make this holiday weekend the beginning of a better life for all of us.
we have a chance if we make tomorrow the start of a special life. stay with me and Carole and Midwest Sue and anyone who wants to feel good not for a couple of minutes but for the time we have on this journey!!

[Ken1]

Paul, your post about your upcoming birthday party and all the holiday gatherings for everyone else reminded me of a book I read called "Living Sober Sucks (but Living Drunk Sucks Mores)" where he talks about keeping your sobriety to yourself. He makes a good case for not professing to the world your new found lifestyle (his words) for many reasons. His point is to not make a big deal about it to everyone as to not bring undue scrutiny to yourself and make your relationships weird with people in your circle. His advice is to be as low key about it as possible and let people discover it in their own time. If confronted, just say I don't like the way it makes me feel, and if they pursue it then they might have a drinking problem as well.

You have to understand the guy a little to get his sense of humor, he has a website that makes it clear http://livingsobersucks.com/ He goes on to point out that drinking is going to continue in the world so it is up to us to have to make adjustments to continue to live normal lives, worth checking out.


Here is an excerpt from one of his other books titled "Okay I Quit, Now What?":

"Chapter #7:

If you want to be a wet blanket at parties, events and social gatherings – go ahead. At least you won’t have to worry about being tempted to drink in the future, because you won’t be invited back. If you don’t want to go places where alcohol is served, that’s your choice. If you never want to go to a concert, festival, comedy club, bowling alley, wedding reception, whatever – that’s your choice. But why would you want to rob yourself of all that fun?

I’ll grant you that it’s not a good idea to attend Oktoberfest on Day 2 of your sobriety, but eventually you’ll want to, or have to, attend some function where alcohol is served. Unless of course you plan on hiding from the rest of the world and never going to a wedding reception, never going to a festival or fair, or never going to a restaurant that might serve – God forbid – wine! You’ll also have to never watch a Football, Basketball or Baseball game on TV. You have to prepare yourself for all of these tempting situations if you plan on living a normal, fully engaged life. Sure, you can go sit in the “alcohol free” section at Baseball and Football games, but you’re going to have to walk through the parking lot and through the turnstiles, then past all the concession areas. Sooner or later you’re going to have to pee. What are you going to do? Have someone put a pillowcase over your head and walk you to your seat or to the bathroom? (I went to the Symphony and there were wine vendors in the lobby.) Virtually any public place or entertainment venue you go to will have alcohol for sale. You better get used to it."

Makes sense to me, hope it does to someone else as well.

[ToddE]

Hello CeeCee, Glad to read through your posts and see you're starting on a path of recovery. Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Hey Paul, The big four O, yeah. A trip with friends should be fun. If your not up to explaining your trying to quit, just yet, you could claim to be on antibiotics from a tooth infection.

Beth, How are the meetings helpful for you? I have been doing online meetings (LifeRing mostly). I went to a f2f one Saturday (SMART). I've found them helpful for short term sobriety/focus. I am not sure how helpful they are towards life style balance, yet. I'm early on this time, but I think that was a big issue for me when I fell off last year. Anyway, just curious your thoughts/experience.

Hello everyone else as well. Love reading all the posts here.

Take care, Todd

[tinabela]

Greetings dear friends! Day 6 on its way! I'm a sponge reading all of your posts. There is so much I want to say to you all, but right now I'm just absorbing. Thank you! Yesterday was a good day. I worked in the garden for three hours and didn't even think about having a drink. Then came lunch break. Boy, I wavered a bit, thinking a nice cold beer would be awesome. Then I stopped immediately, read posts and remembered that one beer wouldn't be enough. Then I relived the feeling of the 'cycle.' Ugh! I put my brain in motion to just 'take it easy' and not get ahead of myself to the point of overwhelment. It worked! I'm a lot more stable emotionally, feel physically good and moving at a calm pace, but know that getting over the hump will always be there. And for all us who may or have slipped up...I have a visual of a plane touching down on the runway and lifting up again and flying high in freedom. My mantra for the day will be not to mentally linger too long on the negative instances, but remember enough about the 'close calls' I've had in self-destruction as reminders to keep my sobriety active. Plus, another great report is that my defense mechanisms are down and my boyfriend and I are getting along fabulously. Duh..drinking and boyfriend = disaster. Poor guy, he has no clue of this journey of mine. It's nice to laugh and be friends again.

It feels good to get out of self-consumption and send compassionate thoughts to each one of you! Have a great day full of ease!

[Mel]

Day 3. Went to a picnic and lo-n'-behold just when I was getting the itch to reach into the cooler for a nice cold beer .... a massive squall blew up off the lake and sent me running home (I was sort of already thinking of doing that anyway). Ah, thank you mother nature. Now, I've got 3.5 hours to closing time. But no money in the bank. And no wish to drink. I could - gulp - actually do work. Let's try that instead.

[CeeCee]

I'm with ya Tinabela, I'm gonna get a day 6 too. I love Mother Nature. She kept you happily in the garden for three hours today, but also knew when to chase Mel away. She is on our side guys. And I know she is more powerful than some dude named George Dickel. I got a phone call this morning from a friend with a new wife and stepson. They invited me over so our boys could play. They had a blast crabbing while my friend's new wife kept bringing out all these wonderful teas and fruits. She is from another country where they obviously know far more about taking care of themselves than we do. Anyway, it was just a cool experience the universe handed me that I either wouldn't have appreciated or would of passed on altogether had I been hungover. Lets not drink one more day and see how the universe rewards us.

[tinabela]

Oh, I'm smiling. Let's be light and have some laughs, especially with ww43's gopher story and Mel's aborted hand in the cooler! Eyikes! I drove to our little country store and bought a MeanBean coffee, a couple of cokes (which I never drink) and a container of choco-peanut butter ice cream. The owners must wonder a bit that I haven't bought beer the last two times I've been there (especially since I was there almost every day buying booze). Then I gallantly drove away showing off the nice crease down the side of my car. Loss of ego - YES!

That's great, CeeCee, that you went to visit your friends! I know I make assumptions that it's going to be tough to socialize without drinking, then low and behold, with all that wasted anxiety, we arrive, sober, into a fun get-together aware of nice surprises.

Sylvane: Wonderful on the gracious exit. I'll remember to pay attention to my limits at gatherings if it's seeming tough. It's weird because my friends don't drink to excess. It's just been my dirty little secret - drinking before I show up and drinking when I get home.

Congrats everyone and a big high-five from me!

[tinabela]

Ahhhh, another day done. Pretty tuckered out from actually being productive in a positive way.
ww43, I hope you are feeling better!
Tomorrow is a bright new day and I might even head out to a friend's for a mountain bike ride. We'll see what the morning brings.
To all a good night and sweet dreams under the stars!

[Beth]

Made it through the weekend with no alcohol! What a feat. I know I couldn't have done it without the meetings and this wonderful forum. Thank you Ken for all your wonderful insight, help, and wisdom. And thank you all your wonderful people!

Priscilla, it shouldn't be this hard but it is for all of us. Never quit quiting.

Todd, going to the meetings was first a distraction. Something to do during the time I would have just said eff it, drink. I chose to go to the meeting over the park, meeting with a friend, or something along those lines. I chose the meeting because it would be a safe place. No pressure of seeing alcohol and also no pressure from friends asking why your not drinking. My first meeting I made the mistake (what I call a mistake) of standing up when they asked if there was any first timers. I say mistake because I am not ready to "join" AA. But a positive did come from it. After the meeting I was greeted by some very nice people that offered to help. One suggested a meeting the next day.
The second time I went I acted more like a seasoned alcoholic. I sat in the back, didn't say anything and left right after the meeting. I agree with you on that it is a good tool to obtain/ keep sobriety. But I am not a public talker so to get involved is not something I see myself doing...... That's why I have you guys;). Each meeting was only an hour out of my life but to have them this weekend truly made all the difference in the world for my life. It added 3 days to my recovery! I will continue to use this tool in my recovery. There were no magic answers there but for me right now it was good to connect with others that are battling against this monster.

[CeeCee]

Good morning. Priscilla, I'll be thinking about you today. I'm new to all this so I have no advice but I'm glad you're here because I believe its helpful. I feel great this morning, but how should I put it, more realistic. Sylvane when I read about you having to leave the party I realized that I haven't been tested yet, but its coming. I admire your strength. I just don't know if I could turn it down in a party setting. Going to a wedding mid June so I'm going to start preparing. I want to look great. Its my husband's family. Yea, the ones who saw me so drunk last week. I've got that wedding in my mind as some kind of goal. Like a stick-out-my-tounge look what I can do type of thing. I hope thats an okay way to approach this. Its highly motivating for now.

[CeeCee]

I think the picture of me rolling around on the ground while everyone else sips champagne with their eyebrows raised is so funny that I may roll on the ground without getting smashed! Love it. You're absolutely right, Sylvane. They love me and they love love love my boys. My hurt pride, hurt feelings, have actually made me feel angry at them about this, like they should have all just dissappeared while I decided to act like an idiot. The nerve of them to have noticed! I am aware how silly this is but can't seem to completely shake it. I will try visualizing them hugging me. As soon as I get up off the ground:)

[kevin2]

Hey all,..I hope everyone had a great weekend,..from reading through all of the weekend posts, it sounds like it. Awesome to see all of the new people,..it's great to have the combination of the new energy and the wisdom and experience of the longtimers like Carol, Sue, Sylvane, Ken etc. It really makes for a great place,..and always makes me proud when I read that a newcomer has "discovered" this place,...feels right at home,....and joins the family.

I'm back at Day 17 and going strong. I spent the weekend at our farm in the Smokey Mts. with our 4 kids and another friend that came also. My wife had to work on Monday so she stayed at home alone (with 0 kids) for the weekend,..which never happens, so I'm glad she got to relax and enjoy some time for herself. One thing I really want to say,..and I did my best to really and truly appreciate it this weekend. Both days we were there,..I was able to do things that I would have never been able (or motivated enough) to do back when I was drinking heavily. I got up before daylight on Sunday morning,..made breakfast for the kids,..got them up, and took them all over to the lake fishing. We were all there, rod and reels ready, hooks baited etc. and fishing as the sun cam up over the lake. I was taking fish off of the hook, untangling lines and rebaiting hooks as fast as I could. The kids (ages 4 through 11) all caught lots of fish,.and had an absolute blast. We all went swimming, then loaded up, drove an hour back to the farm,..and were sitting down for lunch by just after noon. The next morning,..we all got up early and made breakfast and then spent 9 hours bailing and loading 400+ bails of hay,..then stacking them in the barn loft,..in the 90 degree heat. One of the hardest days of work I've ever had,..but so well worth it when it was done.

The reason I mention these two things is the FACT that neither day would have happened when I was drinking. In fact,..I would never have agreed to take the 5 kids to the farm by myself for the weekend to begin with. If I did, I definitly wouldn't have gotten up early to take them all fishing,...of course I would have promised them I would while drinking the night before,..and then came up with reasons/excuses not to the next morning as I stewed in bed. I would've probably yelled at them for waking me up. No way in Hell would I have done the hay in that heat the next day either,..not a chance. To sum it up,..the kids and I had an awesome weekend,..I got a ton accomplished,..and am a hero to the Wife and now have brownie-points built up for the next month!! Go back to October of last year and read a few of my posts and contast them with what I just wrote and you'll see where I'm coming from.

Thanks for listening folks,..I just wanted to give a couple of personel examples of why this fight is so well worth it. Have a great day!

PS- Sorry ladies,..I had to lose the Beckham avatar and go back to my original,..Bigfoot carrying 12-Pack of Schlitz beer. I didn't think it would be fair to my fellow male-posters if you all knew what I looked like,..how could you be objective? Plus this one is "deeply symbolic" of the man I used to be (How did that sound?...I just thought of it).

[Ken1]

ww43, I have been reading your posts about withdrawal symptoms and it spurred me to do some reading on detoxing and specifically how long the symptoms should be expected to last. I found this great 3 part article on PAWS, Post Acute Withdrawal here: http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
It describes something I thought was interesting in asking if you feel good when you are drinking and depressed/anxious/down when you are not, you need to look at what's wrong when you are not drinking. I'll be spending the afternoon thinking about that one!

Paul, I'm with you on over-thinking everything, I'm trying to learn to let things go. I'm a work in progress on many fronts! Kevin, great posts and thanks for throwing me a bone by taking your real photo down. Everyone, so many great posts, keep up the great work. Priscilla & tinabella, keep trying, don't beat your self up, and remember the basics like eating regular meals and plenty of water. Beth, good job on the meetings, they can really be lifesavers! Ceecee, sorry to hear about your father, hope you can find some motivation from that.

[tinabela]

How right you are Kevin. I so get 'not showing up' because I'd be happily toasted at home. And what about, someone might smell the residue on me so I better just hang out alone? Well, day 7 is here and I'm now starting a wind-up to be a little more social. I've been laying low, taking my time, slowing down. People have been calling inviting me out (to do healthy things, as they always have) and it's coming on time to participate. On my first sober day I stopped at my friend's coffeeshop to say hi. I struck up a conversation with a very pleasant woman who I couldn't read very well. Ended up that the three of us had dinner at a place with no alcohol then she and I departed together so I could deliver her to her car. I only mentioned that I'm reading "The Highly Sensitive Person" and that opened up a whole new dialog. It ends up she has a masters in psychology and is a spiritual healer. We shared stories. We drove to the waterfalls and she gave me a Reiki treatment. The way cool thing is that she is traveling through town and trying to figure out if she wants to stay here. Since I know so many people, I was able to guide her to like-minded sources. She is now saying that I was the catalyst to opening up her world here in our community. She's been out more in the last six days than I have in the last six months! So, to make this long story short...had I been drinking I would never have had that experience. Tomorrow I'm going to meet her in town and hit the Farmer's Market.

And Paul, yes, I for sure have the tendency to think everyone knows what guilt, shame, etc. thoughts are in 'my' head. I've made such a big deal out of my behavior that I think people are having mind-conversation with me. Being calmer now, I don't feel any need to share excuses or offer information that juggles around in my brain. Just playing my cards a little closer, giving simple answers and leaving it at that.

Hi Julie, Priscilla, CeeCee, Beth, Sylvane and all others! I'm so glad we are all here together.

Off to make some geranium/rose lotion. The directions are confusing enough, thank god I'm not drunk :-)

BTW - I just saw a great posting on Facebook by Wayne Dyer..."You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

[Eric]

ww43, memory problems and diminished brain function were the main motivators for my getting sober. I used to have a very good memory and could recall specific footnotes by number when discussing articles and reports. In the end, I might as well have been reading a foreign language because nothing would stick in my brain. Moreover, the drinking made me feel miserable and depressed, easily angered, and basically emotionally immature. That was my bottom. Physically, I was more or less fine except for some extra weight (even though I am sure my insides were taking quite a beating). When I cut out the drinking within the first 30 days my brain was functioning much better; I could remember what I read again. Very importantly, my ability to make good decisions and react like a calm, mature adult greatly improved. I love being sober now!

[CeeCee]

Hello everyone. I made it through the eve of my 7th day but barely. After feeling positive and energetic about quitting all week, today was awful. Irritable, exhausted, sweating, I even looked swollen and just BLAH. I realize I'm going to crave alcohol for awhile, but since early this afternoon I seem to be having more physical symptoms. Is it possible that the alcohol is just now leaving my system? I'll be glad if I can ever offer someone else advice instead of being so in need of it all the time. Finally putting an end to this day but I'll check in first thing.

[Eric]

CeeCee, your body will be going through some profound changes after you quit. The severity and duration will depend upon your own physical makeup and the quantities and duration of your drinking career. Feeling tired and irritable are extremely common as your body adjusts. Usually, the symptoms get better after a few weeks, but some can linger for years. For example, alcoholic induced insomnia can still be present two years after achieving sobriety. However, the lack of alcohol creates a sense of peace that makes it much easier to accept and deal with these issues. One thing I have found particularly helpful is physical exercise, this can really help defuse anger, irritability, restlessness, cravings, etc. It only takes a few minutes (5-10) to achieve that effect.

[Midwest Sue]

CeeCee, you should expect ups and downs in this journey. I had to learn to just let the down times be what they were. Also, women in general have more natural mood/physical fluctuations and it may be hard to determine the root cause for the bad feelings. Be good to yourself, breathe deeply, allow the feelings in, don't overanalyze, get lots of sleep. Know that it will pass and life will improve in so many ways if you hang in there.

[Ken1]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to pass this along. I just discovered this concept today and have been reading what I can find about it, it is called Post Acute Withdrawal or PAWS. It explains so much of what we are going through and I think it would be very helpful to check it out. Here is a great article I just found about it: http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm and here is an excellent quote from it:

"There are two stages of withdrawal. The first stage is the acute stage, which usually lasts at most a few weeks. During this stage, you may experience physical withdrawal symptoms. But every drug is different, and every person is different.

The second stage of withdrawal is called the Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). During this stage you'll have fewer physical symptoms, but more emotional and psychological withdrawal symptoms.

Post-acute withdrawal occurs because your brain chemistry is gradually returning to normal. As your brain improves the levels of your brain chemicals fluctuate as they approach the new equilibrium causing post-acute withdrawal symptoms. "

Makes sense to me. Google that term when you get a chance and check out that article at the link above.

[Mel]

Day 4. And that is big this time around since I have been unable to string even 2 days together for way way way too long. I'm hoping that my brain functioning improves ... also, not looking like crap and feeling like crap. It has been easier with my 'buddy' gone and I need to find ways to deal with the buddy-syndrome. I cave too easily and she doesn't realize exactly how bad my drinking really is (you know the scenario - drink before you go out, drink while you are out, drink when you get home ... except, most people think the drinking is only while you are out. Sigh. God, how tiring.) So far, so good - I'm not complacent, no way.

[Eric]

Thanks for the link, Ken. I remember when I quit smoking, that there were lists of the effects/benefits listed by minute, hour, day, week, month, and year. Too bad there isn't one of these for drinking. My pet interest is how long-term alcohol abuse affects the endocrine system, espcially thyroid. The most illustrative effect, though, is the NIH graphic showing the differences between normal, Alzheimers, and alcoholic brains (http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh25-4/254images/300.jpg). You know you are an alcoholic if you look at that image and STILL think that drinking might be worth it! :-)

[Beth]

Good morning all, just checking in. The word for today......Relax. Something I know I can't and don't do. Alcohol was my relaxation and now I must find other alternatives. Ken, great articles. You have diagnosed me and it didn't cost me a thing! What do I owe you? PAWS is me to a T. This has been my whole adult life. The articles give me hope that I can now begin to change and find the life to live happy. I am determined to find ways to enjoy relaxing without the alcohol.
Eric, great visual and great statement about continuing to drink after seeing that.
Ww43, thank you for the encouragement. It feels good. Just remember I started this journey in January. It has taken me that long to find the tools I needed. I am always here to go another 30 days with you....Are we starting day 4?
Priscilla, I agree to at least count the first 30 days. You need to really commit. I not only found that my mind was complete mush but the depression seriously took control of me. Alcohol was/ is the leading contributor for that depression.
Kevin, I am so happy for you....and your beautiful kids. That is a tremendous success and I am sure wasn't that easy....now reward yourself with some relaxation.....not alcohol:) meditate or have your wife give you a massage;)
Love and Peace to you all

[CeeCee]

Eric, Miwest Sue, Ken1, ww43, Mel, and each and every soul on this forum, your presence in my life is so important right now. I got up at 5:30, read your posts, then started researching PAWS. Very good information. I needed to hear that a relapse would alter, okay erase, the progress my brain is trying make in straightening out its chemistry. That it may take awhile, but that the peace I'll quickly gain if I don't drink will make it easier to deal with. Good find Ken1. I'm watching a tropical storm spin closer and closer on the radar, a major trigger for me thanks to Jimmy Buffet I guess. Usually while every one else is stocking up on bread and batteries I'm making a run for chaser. I'm riding this one out dry though. Peace.

[Midwest Sue]

After reading about PAWS, I realize why keeping a journal in the early weeks was so important to me.
1. It gave me a place to put all of my random feelings
2. It helped me organize my scattered brain. I would use it to remind myself of the simplest things that I knew I would forget. What I did today, what I need to do, things I need to buy, how much money I spent, what I ate, etc. It kept me grounded in reality when years of habitual behavior was unravelling.

I rarely use it now, but it was a lifeline for me. My advice to those starting out: grab a simple notebook that you can keep with you all the time, and start writing.

[kevin2]

Good morning all, just checking in. The word for today......Relax. Something I know I can't and don't do. Alcohol was my relaxation and now I must find other alternatives. Ken, great articles. You have diagnosed me and it didn't cost me a thing! What do I owe you? PAWS is me to a T. This has been my whole adult life. The articles give me hope that I can now begin to change and find the life to live happy. I am determined to find ways to enjoy relaxing without the alcohol.
Eric, great visual and great statement about continuing to drink after seeing that.
Ww43, thank you for the encouragement. It feels good. Just remember I started this journey in January. It has taken me that long to find the tools I needed. I am always here to go another 30 days with you....Are we starting day 4?
Priscilla, I agree to at least count the first 30 days. You need to really commit. I not only found that my mind was complete mush but the depression seriously took control of me. Alcohol was/ is the leading contributor for that depression.
Kevin, I am so happy for you....and your beautiful kids. That is a tremendous success and I am sure wasn't that easy....now reward yourself with some relaxation.....not alcohol:) meditate or have your wife give you a massage;)
Love and Peace to you all

Thanks Beth I really appreciate that. I don't have time to post alot right now but I do want to say that for the last 5 to 10 years I honestly thought I suffered from clinical depression,..and/or anxiety disorder etc. I went to my Dr. a few times about it, but just thought it was something I was going to have to deal with for life. It wasn't just awful, blatent, isolating depression,..but just an inability to experience any joy and happiness doing the normal things in life that any "normal" person would love and enjoy,..I always felt like I had to fake it and trudge on. That's the big lie/trick that alcohol plays,...it's a jealous lover and doesn't like competition of any kind. I was perscribed medication of course and took it regularly,..while still continuing to drink as always,..against the advice of the Dr. and the warnings on the side of the bottle. Meds of course didn't help much and probably made it worse in alot of ways. It's hard to explain but since I quit drinking in early Dec. 2011,..any depression has slowly gone away and now doesn't exist. I only take about 1/3 of the pill I've taken for years (Lexapro) and problably wont' take it much longer,...I don't need it. The fact is, I never did,..my depression was never really there,..it was self-induced from drinking and the guilt and grind that is alcoholism. I've thought alot about this recently,..and I honestly wonder how many of us (and society in general) are caught up in this same lie/cycle. It's like a dog chasing it's tale. Does this speak to anyone else?

[tinabela]

Hi all! Day 8 here. On my way out the door to the Farmers Market and trying real hard to stay focused and not get drawn off to doing this and that before I go. That's been a habit of mine. I get sidetracked and then stress because I'm running late. So a quick note to wish you all well. We can do this! Kevin, I have the same issue with the anxiety and depression. Now that I'm not drinking I'm gaining the ability to not 'think ahead' of all the things to be done during the day (errands, stops, running into people). My mind already has me at 5:30 wondering if I should go to my meditation group. Those are the things that trip me up. I like to just go with the flow, that's what works best for me otherwise I can get into trouble. So, easy does it, right? I have an appointment with my doctor next month to renew my Zoloft prescription (I've been taking 25 mg for the last 15 years). I'm going to think on that one, since I'm not drinking and keeping a more peaceful lifestyle, well, maybe I'm ready to come off the meds. I'll keep check and see how I'm feeling. I definitely know this time to not go cold turkey though. It was a mess the last time I tried that. Talk about fried, unlinear brain scramble!
Wash those sheets, Priscilla! I like that idea. I do the same thing and sprinkle essential oil on my pillow! Yesterday I found myself getting irritated at the blowing wind. I paused, thought better of it and decided to sit out in it and visualize it blowing my past regrets off of me.
Gotta run, cyber hugs to everyone!

[Mel]

Day 5, here we go. I got up this morning and went to the gym - I'm feeling really achy and bloated. Which helps me stay mindful about why I/we do not-should not-will not drink. Good luck, Priscilla with the end of term - that is always a bad bad time for me, I make excuses that I 'neeeeed' to drink to get through it and, what would you think really happens - it is usually a mess and a half. There are a lot of goodbyes happening now with my friends and so another 'party' at a local bar. I'm pretty good about being able to say no (or, at least, that was true in the past) and this place has awesome food. So, I'm thinking special ginger ale with a slice of lime and a wood-fired pizza ... bacon, apple and brie?

[Midwest Sue]

Kevin,
Your post about depression speaks loudly to me.
I've been on 20 mg daily of fluoxetine (Prozac) for over 10 years. Yep, taking it while drinking, against medical advice, since drinking is a depressant and basically cancels out the meds.

I've also wondered if it's time now to stop the medication. I won't do it cold turkey, or course, but I have an annual physical scheduled in a few weeks. I never told my doctor how much I drank. She thought I was the model of moderation in all things based on what I told her. I also never followed up with a complete blood workup because I was afraid to find out how my drinking affected my health. Better to keep my head in the sand.

At my upcoming visit I'll let her know how much better I feel without alcohol and perhaps make a plan for tapering off the meds. I am now anxious to know how all my blood tests come out, so I'll go in for a blood draw prior to the appointment so we can finally talk about my health from an honest and informed place.

[tinabela]

You got it Sue! Same story here. My counselor said to go see my doc and be honest about the drinking. How can I get better if I'm not truthful? Thanks for the advice on bloodwork too!
Mel, your meal sounds awesome...woodfired pizza. Yum! Note to self: Must remember to eat and drink lots of water. I'm going to pick up some Volcano lemon juice to add to my water for some good detox.
Just read a short daily quip from a book I've had hanging around for years... "Each Day A New Beginning" - Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey. It's a Hazelden publication (sorry guys, but it can apply to you too).
Alright, really out the door. I managed to get myself ready without too much anxiety (what a chore!) and am running ahead of schedule. Wahooo!

[Midwest Sue]

Oh - the other reason I never went in for bloodwork? You have to fast, including no alcohol, for 12 hours prior. "Stop drinking at 9 pm? I don't think so." Sheesh.

[kevin2]

WW43,..I'd bet we would all be shocked at how common this is with those of us here,..and all over the place really, it seems like depression has become the new "epidemic" and the treatment of it is a gold-mine for the drug manufacturers,..and the Dr.s (most) will perscribe them like Skittles. Not to downplay depression at all,..it's VERY real, or the new medications as I know several people who really benifit from them. I was guilty,..as I'm sure tons of people are,..of mistaking the early and then later stages of alcoholism and the guilt, stress, anxiety etc that comes with it.,..with depression, rather than realizing I was causing it myself with drinking and it was snowballing day after day. It's crazy and it creeps up on you so slowly you don't even realize it's happening.

[Kip]

hello friends.... hope everyone is getting/got through hump day this week... sounds like a few of us had real struggles over the long weekend. i sure did... not really equipped to be sober then.. but i can't wait to get home tonite, drink lots of water, play with crazy dogs and crash with a good book... so i'm feeling fine about making it through to Friday.

the recent discussion on depression is quite interesting... i too medicated using Lexapro... finally quit after a couple of years because it was expensive and didn't seem to do anything but, hey, i don't have a leg to stand on as that extra cash could go you-know-where.. and anyway it wasn't wise to mix it with alcohol.... i'm just wondering if there are more holistic ways to manage depression.... by the way, read an interesting book last year that made a case for not always being happy or striving to be... it was very interesting and made me realize that there is a deeper happiness, or peace if you will, in the thoughtful observance of the world without expecting it to make one happy... it's not to make light of depression at all because it can be debilitating, but to recognize that there is more to a contemplative life that a constant happy state.. i may be be babbling here... it just puts me in the "here and now" mindset. no regret or fretting over the past. no worry about the future. awake at the wheel... man, that is difficult.

Kevin2, what a great story.. very inspiring as you explained how much you could do when you weren't burdened by alcohol.... i was thinking of that the other day and had a fond memory of something i did as a teenager and prior to drinking. wow, there were good times in sobriety if i just wade through the the fog in between then and now. then, oddly, i watched my dogs act happy and realize they seem fine without anything extra. dogs rock. unconditional love defined. and talk about here and now - i don't think they have any concept of past and future.

for my early sobriety friends, say less than a week, do you guys feel really tired at the end of the day..? i sure do... i run about 4 days a week, cycle on weekends, and stay quite active but when i string together about 4 days clean the fatigue really sets in...of course, it does after drinking as well... i just plod my way through a long run and wonder where the energy went.. maybe this is a withdrawl symptom of sorts... not to mention waking up at night soaking wet, etc..... i was also reading some liver disease symptoms today at lunch and a few of those gave me a shudder. like some of you have said, i'm too scared/stubborn to take the next step, figuring if i can just stop drinking it will right itself. yet, i'm not so sure....

off to close out the workday and head home...have a good evening and friends across oceans i hope you are sleeping/slept well...kip

[Ken1]

If you are feeling rundown, you might want to consider supplements. I know drinking depletes B vitamins, vitamin D and others; you can always have your doctor test you and see what they recommend. At a minimum you might want to consider a good multivitamin and cleaning up your diet. I am not an MD so please do your own research. I agree with John, you might feel run down for up to a month. According to the PAWS info, the symptoms may come and go for up to two years.

Priscilla, hope you ace your test tonight!

Kevin, I'm with you in that Dr's over prescribe anti-depressants. My doctor tried to talk me into taking them to help with my blood pressure! I told him I only have high blood pressure when they make me sit in that tiny room with no window or air for an hour and a half waiting on him. Here's something to think about: http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DevelopmentApprovalProcess/DevelopmentResources/DrugInteractionsLabeling/ucm114848.htm

[JacquieC]

Hello All, been away for a bit but come back today and have just spent the last hour going through all the PAWS info. It is great, thanks for recommending it Ken1. So glad to see new faces and the old ones spotted in between. Today is day 144 for me. How is everyone else going. We should be racking up some good numbers from a few people. How is everyone feeling today? Its a beautiful sunny cold day in Adelaide, the type of day that makes you glad to be alive and sober!!!!!

Hang in there guys, it gets easier.
Jacquie

[donnallama]

Hello, everyone. I'm new to this forum (posted a couple of times on a less-well-traveled thread) and also new to sobriety (in my 4th week).

I'm in my late 40s. Have imbibed alcohol for most of my adult life, daily for the past 15 years. Have worried about it for 10 years and tried to stop for the last few years. Not many sober days in those 15 years.

I've been reading your posts and am grateful for the wisdom and experience I find there. I have a question for you all --

I seem to be sitting on a powder keg of resentment and anger. I've been bickering with some people in my life. I've broken w/a few people I've been close to for a long time. These aren't drinking buddies, but they are anger & resentment & living-in-the-past buddies. They are also people who say I don't have a problem with alcohol and should just enjoy my wine and stop worrying so much. (apparently I'm angry)

I expected to be tender and hyper-sensitive for the first month (or the first few?!). But this feels different. It has finality and weight. I wonder if I'm in the right frame of mind to decide on these relationships now. Any thoughts?

-Donna

[carol]

Here's something I found about the fatigue. One possibility mentioned is dehydration, so it wouldn't hurt to drink more (non-alcoholic of course!) fluids.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/alcohol-withdrawal-and-extreme-fatigue

I drank heavily for a long time, and I'm older, and I was tired for a long time after I stopped. Part of the reason also might be I used alcohol to keep me going when I was tired rather than acknowledging that I was tired. Hang in there, this does get better, and I know a lot of people had a lot of energy far sooner than I did. I really like ww43-Julie's pregnancy-tiredness analogy - we're creating new life: ours! So of course we're tired, it takes energy to create.

donnallama, first congratulations on being in your 4th week - that's huge! Try not to burn too many bridges if you can. Once I stopped sedating myself, EMOTIONS flooded in big time. Crying, anger way out of proportion to the precipating event, etc. It takes a while for things to settle down to "normal" (ha, ha, if there is such a thing). But that doesn't mean you can't stay away from people who threaten your sobriety or who push your buttons. It's the question you pose of "deciding on these relationships". I wouldn't spend much time with these people now, if any, but maybe don't make any hard decisions on them until you have some time and perspective.

Still, yes, be angry at these people who say just keep drinking your wine! They're not doing you any favors. No need to flame them to their faces, but yes they are out of line. They have themselves invested in your drinking, and your stopping is upsetting the balance. Too bad, so sad. If they are good friends, they will adjust. If they can't adjust to having a friend who doesn't drink, what does that say about them?!

[ToddE]

Hi Donna,

Great job on 4 weeks. Since this is a new path for you, it may feel uncomfortable/unsure at times. Being cautious and taking things slow, is probably a good plan as you learn new ways for dealing with people/situations/life. You sound like a pretty sensible person. I think it is OK to trust you own thoughts on how to deal the issues you are experiencing. Some people find making pro/con lists helpful.

It's different duration for everyone, but the emotional spikes do soften in time.

Take care, Todd

[tinabela]

Perfect timing on the fatigue posts everyone! My maiden voyage into town today was good, but I am exhausted!!!! So much energy, gabbing, multiple conversations. I'm back home, alone, and let me tell you...a cold beer has been really tempting. Really tempting! I've decided to start a little fire in the wood stove since I'm chilly and crack open an organic cherry lemonade. How's that for obsession-switcheroo? Close call! And Carol's right - lots and lots of water to decrease dehydration. My lips are chapped and normally they aren't. That's a pretty good sign I'm not getting enough liquid replacement.

Congrats, Donna, on your four weeks. Todd is on it with suggesting taking it slow. And on anger...I realized yesterday, my personal issue was that I used to get really mad at people who would drop in on me when I lived in town. Why? Because they were interrupting what I hid from them - drinking. It just made me annoyed that someone would always be knocking at my door, then I would have to hide the alcohol or just not answer and feel weird about it. Even though my friends are only social drinkers, I am being careful. There are even some that I haven't returned calls or made contact with in weeks. At first I felt guilty, but now I get that I have to take care of myself first. I am not a big crier (probably due to the Zoloft) but two nights ago I had an attack of tenderness toward my boyfriend. It felt vulnerable but good.

Hi Jacquie! Bravo on 144. Right there is encouragement for all of us!

Thinking of you all. Priscilla, I'm congratulating you in advance on your testing. CeeCee, are you doing alright?

[Midwest Sue]

Donna,
I also wrestled with anger and resentment. i could hardly stand my job once I lost my daily "reward" for my sacrifice. I thought I wanted to quit, after 24 years. I wanted everything to be different. I felt that my eyes were finally open to the time I had wasted on unimportant crap. Now in my 6th month of sobriety, I'm glad I didn't make any drastic changes. Instead I learned to make the most of the things I can't or shouldn't change. The serenity prayer is popular among the recovery crowd for a good reason!

"Friends" not accepting your new status as a non-drinker -- not ok and not really friends. I say avoid them and avoid over- reacting for your own benefit. Find people who will lift you up if you can. Protect your sobriety at all costs.

[tinabela]

Me again! Want to report that 'I made it.' It was touch-and-go, quite a mental wrestling match and I really thought I might be going down. Instead, I forced myself outside in the almost dark to plant some flowers I bought today. Tomorrow morning I will take my coffee and wander outside admiring my work rather than having a hangover. I'm handswiping my forehead, breathing out in relief that I didn't slip. Now it's too late to even think about it. Sigh, another day done!
Happy zzzzzzzzzzzs.

[Beth]

Tinabela, great for you for getting past the urge to drink. They say it gets easier so I keep pushing through. To me it is just as hard as child birth to trick/ shut down my brain and not drink. Geez what a sad state......
Kevin, you always have great insight and true expression of your feelings and your thoughts. Great post. The depression side of this disease is what I have probably learned the most about. A couple years a go my friend who is a nurse suggested I see a doctor for anxiety. That sounded so much better than depression. So started the list of anti-anxiety meds. I even did clinical trials where the drugs were free and they paid me for my travel and time. I stopped all of them about a month ago. I feel that I have to stop relying on outside resources and start making an honest effort to get myself in check. Vitamins only. I will give it at least six months and see how it goes.
Sue, Thank you for the insight on your job. I am going through the anger and sick of the BS big time...... To the point I act like I want to get fired. Thanks for pointing out that I need to keep it in check. It's not as bad as my emotions are making it. Thank you!
Ww43, thank you for being my cheerleader as well. You really helped to get me where I am at today!
Well off to start my day sober.

[Midwest Sue]

Beth, the resentment of my job finally was enough for me to see a counselor. She and I figured out that I was angry because, as primary breadwinner, I worked only to pay the bills, with no other personal benefit. I had to ask my husband to carry more weight (so hard for me and my inner martyr!). I began to take more control of my free time and use some of the money I earned at my discretion. An added bonus was the extra money available from not drinking, which I also commandeered for meaningful use.

I was also honest with my boss (again, hard!) about needing help with some of the duties that were overwhelming me.

It's amazing how much weight has been lifted now that I have the courage to speak up for myself, calmly but assertively. In the past I never asked for what I needed. I relied instead on the deceptive relief found at end of each day in a bottle. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year.

Remember, friends, that your alcoholic voice is a cunning liar who will steal the best part of you, all the while convincing you that he/she is your best friend.

[Eric]

"It's amazing how much weight has been lifted now that I have the courage to speak up for myself" - Midwest Sue

You are truly an inspiration with so many good things to say. Thank you!

[Ken1]

Donna, good to see you over here! As far as the anger goes, alcohol medicated your true feelings and kept them under wraps. Now that you are sober you have to confront these feelings that were there the whole time and make a decision. What happened for me is that old relationships from my time drinking no longer fit into my life. Many were drinking buddies, none of the ones that fell away were true friends. True friends will support you no matter what, people that tell you to keep drinking sound like either alcoholics themselves or enablers. No matter what they are, it would probably serve you best to let them drift out of your life for the sake of your recovery.

Sue, I have to quote something you said perfectly: " "Friends" not accepting your new status as a non-drinker -- not ok and not really friends. I say avoid them and avoid over- reacting for your own benefit. Find people who will lift you up if you can. Protect your sobriety at all costs."
Plus
"Remember, friends, that your alcoholic voice is a cunning liar who will steal the best part of you, all the while convincing you that he/she is your best friend."

Thanks for sharing your insights Sue, great stuff!

[CeeCee]

Hey everyone. Thank you for asking about me Tinabela. We were on the same day. Now I'm back on day one:( It was so not worth it. I feel awful, but am more determined than ever not to drink. It caused me to confront an issue that I was dreading. My husband drinks, but is also sick of it. He doesn't have quite the problem with it I do, and didn't realize how serious I am about total abstainance. He has been out shrimping since Sunday, and it certainly wasn't something I wanted to discuss over the VHF radio. Bad weather yesterday brought him in and he just assumed we'd reunite over a drink. It caught me off guard. I then looked really stupid explaing how I never want to drink again, while drinking. But, he understood. He knows how I feel now, and he knows its past time for a change. I'm back on the horse today.

[Kip]

good day and evening all.....

thanks for the insight on fatigue.. the common thread is that this takes some time.. if there were only weeks between weekends! ww43, good luck on getting back some energy... we all should know that we are subjecting our bodies and minds to big changes, even when we only piece together a few good days..

CeeCee, good luck on your start. There are plenty of us in single digit days when everything is coming at you so fast.. and there are plenty with amazing success from whom we can learn much.

Donna, welcome to the forum... i share some of the same experiences so perhaps a few words will help both of us... i publicly quit about 3 years ago and shared it with several at-the-time friends in an very emotional dinner meeting.... then a long time friend a few months back... that friend has been staying in touch almost daily and sharing genuine concern despite our fairly large differences on life philosophy. he is amazing.. the others? well, one day a few weeks back i realized that anyone who wasn't actively aiding my sobriety would be excluded from my daily life. sounds harsh, i know but i had been through enough of their dancing around the problem and, at best, only asking little sideways questions about how i am. i may be oversensitive but it really angered me that i shared something so personal and these people i had known for years never even asked about it... some say it's because they're uncomfortable. i'm so sorry. me too... this also includes family - parents, sister, etc..... i just ceased contact or made it minimal required. i ignore their emails, phone calls, and texts. my wife says they are too insensitive to know what they're doing but i don't feel like i owe them any further explanation. they know i am struggling - they say nothing... let them wonder, worry, whatever,... time to move on ... oh, i also told my former boss and he was the worst at ignoring it.. so i ignored his multiple invites to a going-away lunch for me and left his department with nary a word. boo hoo...lol. some may say i've tossed out the baby with the bathwater and that may be the case...

so here's where i am - i have my wife and two crazy wiener dogs.. and my friend Mark. my wife has done way more than her share of tolerating this and my dogs sincerely show love no matter what. that's all a good place to be. damn, i sometimes wish i were a dog...ha ha...
i say all of this as personal therapy (SR is my journal) and to give you another drinker's experience but by no means advocate you doing what i have and am doing... this is a very personal thing and it has the potential to backfire... by that i mean that the above ranting can be a trigger - so i try to direct my resentment energy and sobriety and exercise... in this journey the main thing i've learned is that it may need to be a private one for me and sharing it is decision i will make much more cautiously. it also helps to redefine lonely because human contact is limited and shallow. but a night at home with my real family, a good book, a bath, or a mountain drive in my zippy car.... who needs the baggage the others bring... of course this forum is a human contact i would not consider giving up.. it's the only thing that gave me 94 days (62%) of sobriety this year...

ok, i'm gonna write a two liner next time and stop hogging the megabytes....but it's just such good therapy...:) i hope this helps a bit and i wish you the best for finding your own way to peace and contentment...

kip

[tinabela]

Tinabela here. Ran some errands this morning and got back around 1:30 with my Subaru full to the hilt with stuff I had stored at a friend's and some huge lavender bushes I picked up from another friend. I realized that I hadn't eaten except for some almonds and water. I pulled in and grabbed some lunch then started unpacking the car. It took more than a huge effort because I am soooooo tired. I think part of the fatigue is that I'm actually doing more physical activity rather than sitting around on my butt drinking. Plus I'm planning more, which requires an extra amount of brain power. Needless to say, I almost caved. I was putting myself in gear to drive to the store, but thought I'd get a couple more things done. Then it dawned on me that I have my espresso machine now! It took the last amount of energy to drag it out, grind some coffee and get a drink made. The storm has passed, at least for now.

I have been avoiding a friend for the past month that I used to see almost every day. She has been recovered for the past 9 years. In browsing my Facebook site, it appears her husband has had some health issue come up. Now is time for me to contact her and fess-up and see if she needs any help. I've been a pretty crappy friend to many - disappearing for long periods of time with no explanation and being called on it by many. Time to face reality as it is.

[Mel]

So, Day 6 (I think - didn't go back to check). Night at the bar was okay - good food, good friends, way way way too many temptations. I think that I am going to have to monitor going out until I can get back to some semblance of an even keel. It is okay. I'm feeling good about this, but I know how I work or rather how my evil-twin alky-brain, the Melvinator, works. S/he's sly and troublesome, a real siren. Time to tie myself to someplace and not let her entice me out. Stay strong everyone.

[donnallama]

So much experience and wisdom on this forum. Thanks to everyone who read, thought about, and posted replies to my query about hot tempers and strained relationships in early sobriety. Posting in this manner is new to me. It would seem I don't know where I'm going when I start typing. After a while it's like ... okaaaaay ... I'm all over the map.

Midwest Sue: appreciate your remarks about wanting to quit your job. I like the content of my work but the people can drive me nuts. I'll try to calm down so I don't talk my way out the door. I respect your willingness to work on how to stand up for yourself w/o going too far w/it.

Carol, Ken, Eric, Kip, Todd E: your gentle advice to take it slow and do what's necessary to avoid drinking alcohol, any alcohol. You all picked up on an urgency to figure everything out. I have had decent success solving problems w/my mind, but this problem w/wine is refractory to even the best thinking I can apply, which sad to say is not too clear in my current state of fatigue (interesting discussion), confusion, and frequent storms (like this image tinabela!).

Kip: Wiener dogs are really fun. Long, soft ears!

Carol: Thanks for starting the music thread -- enjoy reading the lyrics and listening to the songs.

CeeCee: I find it really hard to ask for help. It's doubly hard w/my husband because he feels my failures and disappointments. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

I liked Mel's sign-off and will say the same: Stay strong everyone.

ps My husband just prodded me to finish up here and head to bed. He said "are you on the spiritual highway?" It charmed me a little. 'night everyone!

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Good reading. I was on antidepressants for 3 years and lanzoprasol (anti acid) tablets. My drinking was out of control along with taking these. As mentioned before, one counteracts the other. In early September last year, my left hand side of my face came up in angry red sores. I had some on my arms too. To cut a long story short, the doctor told me that both these tablets were causing a light sensitive reaction and I had to come off the meds almost immediately. 3 days, 2 days, one day then off. The whole reason why I was on these bloody tablets was because of the depression caused by the drinking!!!!!
To be honest, I really think that I didn't felt any withdrawals. It wasn't till I stopped drinking on the second of January I felt the full advantage of a clean and sober life. Even so, I have still slipped, I have finally smelt the coffee.
I've ordered two books. Mummy doesn't drink here anymore and Ken1, I checked out 'living sober sucks' book and I has 'larfing my head off'! My friend has ordered it for me. Should arrive in good old England in 2 weeks.
Best get going. Off to buy more party things for the Queen's Jubilee!
Stay clean and serene everyone
Toodle pip

[Beth]

Good morning all! Ready for a sober June? I am! Won't it be so nice to enjoy the summer and not be a drunk? Come on all, Paul, CeeCee, Tinabela, Kip,Priscella, Mel, ww43, donnallama, Eric, and Alison... You with me? We are ready! Lets do it!

Sue, great insight again on the reward for the humdrum of carrying the burden of life. I can relate. I am stuck in that place right now. Thank you for the wisdom you have shared. It is something for me to strive for rather than just keep accepting it. Ready for a change.

Had HALT (hungry, anger, lonely, tired) moments the past two days. Don't know how I was able to recognize it. I'm sure it was because of you guys and the tools you have taught me, thank you! I am so grateful that my rational voice was there to recognize it for what it was and not let my AV win.

[Midwest Sue]

Hello. Yes, Beth, I am ready for a sober June, because by the end of this month I will have 6 months behind me!

Tomorrow I'll attend a family wedding. The first wedding EVER not drinking. There will be free champagne and wine - red and white at each table.

My goal is to have so much fun sober that my sister will approach me with a smile as she always does at these events, saying affectionately, "You are drunk, Sue!"

At the last family wedding, guess who was the first person in line at the open bar as soon as the ceremony ended? Me.

At another wedding reception, my nieces called me the "cool aunt" because I was more than willing to do shots with them. That was the time when my husband got so drunk I had to escort him to the hotel room, both of us stumbling all the way.

This time will be different, and I can't wait to see what it's like!

[tinabela]

Congrats, Sue! Six months is fantastic! And yes, Beth, a sober June is looking great! I came so close to slipping up yesterday. It really was a battle for about a half-an-hour. Huge. This morning I woke up ever so happy that I didn't give in. I've discovered spot-on what my big trigger is, so I'm happy about that. I'm really bad at scheduling. I can make appointments (dentist, doctor, etc.) fine, but trying to cram in visiting friends can get tough. Funny how most of them are type A personalities. Their windows are small with time and me living in the country makes it even harder. It's about a 45 minute drive each way to town. Here's the real catch...trying to spend time with 2 to 3 people in a day seems like a hard days work. As perfect timing would have it, I read a blog on Positively Positive's site today about following our own internal GPS. I'm not a busy doer like a lot of folks. Finally I'm getting it. It's all about me keeping up with me and no one else. Today I will work on pacing myself, staying afloat and not getting too consumed by other peoples 'stuff.' I'm also going to continue to exercise boundaries - a tough one.
Beth: Thanks for the info on HALT. I'd never heard that one before and I'll do some research.
You are all priceless. Thanks for being here!

[Kip]

happy friday friends...

Tinabela, good for you on reuniting with friends. that is a noble endeavor. please let us know how it goes and advice on how you did it.... i'm not ready for that but i sure admire folks who are brave enough to tackle it. if i knew i had to keep up with 2-3 people per day i would be fully triggered.. it is about you during this process. boundaries is the perfect word. you are in charge.. good luck starting off in june... tgif!

Donna, i think we need to be fairly selfish (in a good way) about our recovery and do the things that work when they work... it sure feels like the journey is much more important than the destination - i hope so because it feels like this journey will last a lifetime. yeah, aren't wiener dog ears just too cool... i sat there in a staring contest with one of mine this morning until she attacked my face. lmao! they've never been drunk and are always happy. and we think humans are the most developed animals. rubbish.

Beth, happy June..let's do our best to be sober! I made about 60% of May days sober...better than last year but I need to improve. awareness is key in this process.... HALT is what i also use to warn myself when that voice starts talking... friday nite is always the problem because there's no hungry, angry, lonely, tired... just enjoy going to our outdoor music festival downtown and chilling with a few beers... it usually doesn't go too bad. problem is i give up on Saturday and back on track Sunday. I am perfectly happy to be sober on weekdays - a big change from the past when at least one day per week was a drunken, painful episode. my wife knows all too well.. we are where we are.. i suppose.

Sue, very courageous... i too have never been to a sober wedding, including my own 2...good luck!

ww43 - perfectly expressed.! i wish i could sit on a mountain for a year and come down with my center of gravity just right to take on all of the drinking events that seem to find their way in..

have a great weekend everyone... kip

[Ken1]

Allison, check out that guy's web site and watch some of his videos, he is really funny and holds nothing back. Tell the queen I said what's up when you see her.

Tinabela, I just read your post about your friend that you haven't seen in a while that is in recovery. I'm sorry that her husband is ill, but if she has been in recovery for 9 months, she sounds like a great person to hang around and offer support for your own recovery. She will understand, when I was at the height of my drinking, I avoided all my friends like the plague. I couldn't take a chance on someone interrupting my sacred drinking time by asking me for a favor or inviting me somewhere, how dare they! Good luck and I'll say a prayer for you, your friend, and for her husband to make a speedy recovery.

Beth, great idea to challenge everyone to have a sober June, count me in!

Sue, have fun at your wedding, I know you will.

Have a great weekend everyone.

[Molly]

Hi everyone. I'm back after a lo-o-o-ong bout with the bottle. Today I will not drink.

[ToddE]

Welcome back Molly. It's a good day for not drinking.

[Beth]

Welcome back Molly, my dear dear friend! Catch us up on what's going on with you. How's the new place?

I have some public events coming up. Please give some ideas of favorite drinks to order...non alcoholic please. I want to look like I'm enjoying a "drink" without looking like it's alcohol free.

[Beth]

Good Morning All! Priscella, I'm pulling for you. No great advice here but it truly is mind over matter. You just need to remember don't drink. Ride the urge wave and remember it only last 15 to 30 minutes. Keep your mind from going there....stay active and try to keep hydrated with water.

Glad to see a couple of you joining my sober train for June....but come on people, we need all of you! Even if you slip we will wait for you..... We want all of you to feel the amazing feeling of success.....never easy but worth the struggle.....no guilt, shame, or embarrassment when you wake up sober!

Sue. I'm pulling for you tonight too! Love the thought of you being the life of the party sober! Haha the joy of being silly, partying, and all while remembering the festive event. Enjoy sister!

[Midwest Sue]

Thank you, Beth and everyone else for the encouragement.

Last night my 82 year old dad and his wife flew into town for the wedding. Dad has been sober for 25 years. They are going through a really tough time now, financially and emotionally, fighting my stepmom's pancreatic cancer. She wasn't expected to live past Dec '11. They are so grateful to me and my husband for funding this trip to be with family. I was proud to tell my dad that quitting drinking is what made it possible for us to help.

When I told him that we quit drinking almost 6 months ago, he asked if we were able to do it without AA, which is what helped him. I wanted to tell him that Spiritual River was/is my AA, but he's not an internet guy so I don't think he'd get it.

Thank you, all, for helping to make this family reunion a reality. Today's wedding will be the best ever, SOBER.

[liberte]

I am tired of being a slave to alcohol. I want freedom. I am a lurker who is ready to accept the 30 day challenge of June. Today is day2.

[ToddE]

That is awesome Sue. You got me all choked up with that one. That is so great for you to be able to share that experience.

[Ken1]

Liberte, welcome to the forum, officially. If you have been reading and not posting, we don't call you a lurker, rather a read only participant. Everyone joins when they are ready and comfortable and we are glad to have you. Please read this entire thread when you get a chance, it is filled with many great insights and can help you tremendously. Please surf around the other threads that appeal to you, post as often as you like and tell us about your story if you are ready. Don't forget to check out the articles at the main site by Patrick which can be life changing as well. Good luck on your journey and welcome aboard!

To anyone else out there just reading, you are invited to join if and when you are ready. In the mean time keep fighting, keep trying, keep learning and we are glad you are here.

[Noel]

My anxiety level is through the roof!! I have been awake since 4:00 a.m., got up at 7:30 and started to study. It's 5:00 here and I literally have been studying ALL day. My back is aching. Not a fun way of spending a beautiful Saturday. I am really glad there is no alcohol in the house and that my husband is home. Time to meditate and pray, but I need to cry first.

[Noel]

Hey Gang,
I made tonight without drinking.

My husband and I went to dinner and y'all should have heard the arguement going on in my head...Devil said drink (just one or two) Angel said order a cranberry juice with a splash of Sprite and two limes so I did. Despite my aweful anxiety today, I made it, but that glass chardonney at the table beside us was a real test cuase it looked oh so good.

I am safely home with my husband and no alcohol in the house. I am putting on my jammies and watching a movie with my hubby and two dogs. Kids are spending the night with grandparents!! :)

I can wake up morning cleared headed and ready to take an online practice exam.

It sounds like a lot of y'all have plans tonight that might by tempting. Heck, the weekends alone are tough. Have fun and I pray that the Angel wins out for everyone

[tinabela]

Hi you guys! This is my big work weekend driving 500 miles delivering a local publication all over three counties. I used to own it and now I distribute it once a month. There is a lot of 'think time' available while I'm doing this due to a lot of lengthy rural driving to get from here to there. It was interesting to think about how we all have one thing in common and how there are so many different triggers that led us to the same path of cleaning up our act. Yesterday I stopped at our library and just took my time browsing books. I ran across 'Party of One - The Loner's Manifesto' by Anneli Rufus. I've only read the intro, but I think it's going to really help me define my behavior. I'm not a hermit by any means, but have struggled and had anxiety for years thinking I was mental because I didn't want to socialize in large groups on a regular basis. The irony is I like people and what they have to share. In the past I'd have to drink to get ready for parties and drink after to alleviate the energy consumption. Hooray for more self-understanding. On my way home today, it crossed my mind to stop for a beer, but that's all it was - just a thought. No wrestling match like the last two times.

Ken - thanks for the prayer! My friend's husband had a mild heart attack, was flown to the big city, given a stent and is home feeling good. Through all of this, my friend was so consumed she didn't even mention my note to her telling her I fell off the wagon and that's why I disappeared. Good!

Sue - sorry about your step-mom's pancreatic cancer. What a cool thing you did by financing that trip for them! One good related thing about the snarly jobs we do. We can use part of our paychecks for generosity that means so much to others. Have a wonderful time!

Noel - I know it's been tough for you, but look where you are now! I'm cracking up over the visual of the angel and the devil. I've tried to use that scenario comedically the couple of times I've been wrestling with temptation. There is safety for me when I put the jammies on. That's when I know I made it another day.

Beth - I've never been a hard-liquor drinker, so I have no suggestions on mixers w/out booze, but here's yet another book I pulled out from my old not drinking days. 'The Ultimate Liquor-Free Drink Guide' by Sharon Tyler Herbst. (sorry, I know I shouldn't be using this space for book titles).

Welcome liberte and Molly! And hi ToddE and Priscilla. Priscilla, are you noticing it's even more beautiful out there sober? Great job on the run!

I miss CeeCee!

Ok, off to figure out where I'm going to plant the monster lavender bush my friend gave me.

Thinking of you all!

[Ken1]

Priscilla, definitely forgive yourself and let go of the past. It can't be changed no matter how much you worry about it, so stop giving it energy. Cry if you need to, you probably used to drown those feelings with alcohol and now you are really living! I'm with Noel, good luck working through your stuff.

Molly, welcome back and best of luck to you on your journey.

tinabela, glad to hear your friend is OK. I like to listen to books while driving too, so much better to use that time to learn rather than just wasting it. Isolation is a common theme among drinkers, I did it to be certain that nothing would come between me and my precious drinking time and I think it's great you recognized it. On triggers, I used to have a long list until I read Beth's, now I use hers. Here it is: my trigger=everything. My AV can turn any event, good or bad, into a reason to drink, celebrate or drown your sorrows. Thanks for that one Beth!

Have a great morning everyone.

[liberte]

Day 3 done. check.

[CeeCee]

Hello everyone. I've been reading your posts twice a day because I love hearing the revelations that come when people quit drinking. I really messed up by drinking last Wed. because I lost that glorious clear-headedness that I long for. I fell into despair, drank again Fri., then had an epiphany: I'm wasting my life. Everything I did this weekend could have been done with that LIGHT that comes from me when I'm not hung over. Instead, I felt more like a black hole. I take everything in and mix it up with my own misery, then spit hatred back out at the universe. Enough. I want sobriety more than I've ever wanted anything and I will not give up until it is mine. Beth, I needed to hear the childbirth analogy. It is going to be hard, but worth it. Do the hard work of riding out the cravings, rest and gather more strength to get through the next one, then before you know it you have a beautiful new life that you wouldn't give up for anything. Count me onboard the train, heading to day 3 tomorrow.

[Beth]

Are we all ok?
John, thank you for the link. Sad to say that alcohol was not my problem with weight. You get pretty skinny on just alcohol. I have put on some weight since this journey started. But I am niot going to let that sabotage my recovery. I checked the site out and yes it seems pretty easy to use. So I'm ready.
Welcome Liberte! Ready, set, go.... June is our month. Mind over matter. Even though sometimes this forum seems like a cheerleading squad that has it's mind buried in all happy happy's, this is truly the hardest thing I have ever done. IT IS NOT EASY. It is extremely hard. Especially for someone like me. I always said I am happy. I love being happy. I love making people happy. But the truth was at the end of the day I hated myself for how miserable I had become. Every part of me had been sucked away by the alcohol. Sure I was a functional alcoholic...... not! I'm sure people thought that but I was a mess! So I am on this train not because I want to be but because I need to be!
Tinabela, thank you for the book idea. All wrapped up in one place. I like it.
Priscella, Noel, CeeCee we have accomplished so much! A morning/ day sober is the best reward for the pain of white knuckling through. It is also my reward for the past damage I have done to myself. Yesterday I spent fifty dollars on myself! That was after I told myself fifty times I deserve it for not drinking.....plus it was my security to not drink yesterday. I made a deal that if I spent the fifty then I would not have the money for alcohol....it worked!
Ken, Trigger=Everything! Here's another one, Drink= Trouble! My dad would say that repeatedly to me....... How true how true! Even home drinking alone I can't tell you how many times tvs were left on, doors wide open or unlocked..... Scary stuff.
Hope we are all ok and we find the wisdom to stay sober. Even if SR is not the right place for you. That you find the tools needed to recover in your own way. Never quit quitting on yourself and for yourself.

[Midwest Sue]

Good morning! I am ok, Beth, and thanks for asking!

My nephew's wedding on Saturday was simply lovely. Most of my time was spent focused on my parents and making sure they were taken care of. None of my time was spent waiting for the next chance to fill my glass. We left before the real partying began, which was fine with me. There was an abundance of wine and champagne on the dinner tables. With a majority of non-drinkers at our table, we asked for and received a non-alcoholic sparkling beverage alternative and it was delicious.

I observed the young people (20-30 yrs old) enjoying themselves and realized that I'm ok not being one of them. Drinking didn't keep me young. Old alcoholics aren't as attractive as they think they are. I don't need to be the "cool" aunt. I watched my 32-year-old son overindulge, knowing that his journey is his alone. But this time I didn't encourage his drinking by participating.

On Sunday morning my husband and I rode bikes for an hour. Ahh, that's what youth feels like. Not tossing back drink after drink and laughing at jokes that won't be remembered the next day.

Is it possible that at age 57 I'm finally growing up?

[Midwest Sue]

Priscilla, your full week of sobriety is a huge accomplishment!!
Congratulations and have a great sober day!

[Eric]

Midwest Sue, you ALWAYS say something to inspire me. I just had the very deep thought that I am not young anymore and actually look kind of creepy as an alcoholic. MY time in the sun is over. I have wisdom. I recognize my body's limits. I have higher goals. So many things that steer me away from alcohol. Thanks again for another great post!

[bdog]

Hi All, and welcome new people. I have been fighting this the last couple of weeks. I promised my self a good summer and have not started yet. Maybe today will be the start of that good summer. I cant keep falling back or I wont remember the summer somewhat like the spring that I dont remember half of.

[yogajunkie]

day 1. again. sigh...

[CeeCee]

This is going to be an important week. I feel like its now or never for me because I'm working with all the determination I possess. I will be getting plenty of exercise reorganizing the house to accomodate the non-stop action that life will become when my 5 & 6 year old boys get out of school for the summer on Fri. Talk about needing to be clear-headed and calm! With a 6 month old about to start crawling and a husband out on the boat 5 days&nights a week, there is no more room for mistakes. I'm glad I've started a journal. When I succeed, I'll be able to see just how far I've come. Midwest Sue, how cool that you're feeling more youthful now than when downing drink after drink. Truely appreciating how good it feels to be sober is enpowering. Can't remember who mentioned the influence of music, but so true; as a Cash, Waylon, & Willie kind of girl I hear both rock bottom and recovery coming through. If only I had learned more from other's mistakes. I think we probably learn more from other's successes, a thought that might make a world of difference in my boy's lives.

[serenty]

Don' t sigh yoga junkie rejoice that you recognize what YOU really want and that is why it is day one again!

[bdog]

yoga junkie.

dont give up. I have never given up but you learn things from day 1 ones.

[Lake Lady]

Day one for me too. The time I spent not drinking these past three days was time spent sick in bed. You call this living? What a terrible waste of a weekend. I even had to "call in sick" for a golf tournament on a beautiful sunny day. One of my favorite things to do and I'm even ruining that. I hope I finally proven to myself that it just doesn't work for me anymore. Today is trash day. I thought I was done hearing the sonic boom of wine bottles being emptied from the recycling bin! Oh, well. Happy Monday. Stay strong, everyone!

[makettle]

Day two for me and I am still having major panic attacks about my latest binge. I can't handle having blank spots from the night and not knowing what I have said/done. It really spins me out and I obsess for days over it (I live in a small town so I worry that everyone is talking about me or I have said the wrong thing). I am really trying to let it go but not succeeding. Any advice would be really helpful at the moment.

[CeeCee]

Makettle, you've got company. My first post was the day I (hopefully) hit my rock bottom, a beyond humiliating experience in front of my husband's family that I barely remember, still obsess over, and can't stand my drunken self for. Its a big motivation to stay sober when you've gone so far beyond what you really stand for, who you really are. They may be talking about you, and there is no better way to quiet them (and your conscious) than by attaining the inner peace and beauty that comes with sobriety; I'm no expert, I'm where you are, but we're in the right place. We can change our lives.

[makettle]

Thank you Priscilla and CeeCee. I think that I have learnt from previous binges but then I go and repeat the pattern. CeeCee - I crave inner peace and a quiet mind - my head goes nuts after a binge (does that make sense?) Anyway, thank you both. I am not the best at putting thoughts into words but I appreciate knowing that you understand.

[liberte]

Day 4 done...check:]

[CeeCee]

I've noticed that the people on this forum are from all over the country, and beyond, have all kinds of different interests and insights, we're all unique. But our experiences with alcohol are so similar. It washes all the individualty right out of us. It didn't make me more myself, that was a lie. It made me who it wanted me to be. Less of who I was meant to me, not more. Drunks are all so alike that an actor can be told to portray one and we immediatly recognize his role, as the drunk. I've been drinking so long now, since I was a teenager, that I've worried I couldn't be me without it. Thats just not true. It would make us all the same if we let it. We should be ourselves, and if someone doesn't like us for that, then we probably weren't meant to associate with them in the first place.

[Midwest Sue]

CeeCee, lots of wisdom in your posts. Yes, you can become the unique person you were meant to be. You are years and years ahead of me in figuring this out. Your awesome sober life is ahead of you!

ww43, I'm happy to see you're still with us, and day 10 is fantastic! My goal was also the "60, 90" day club and it really did motivate me! You will make it there, and the road will be so much smoother by then.

[tinabela]

Hi all! Day 12 or 13, I've lost count. So far so good! It does cross my mind daily, but it has been getting easier. This evening I hooked up with a couple of friends, one asked if I wanted to go out for a beer. I told him no, then he asked me to go out with him while he had a drink. I told him no. There was a lot of humor involved and he didn't pursue. We ended up at the organic market and had a bite to eat, he had his beer and it wasn't even noticed during the sitcom visit we all had. Cool!
I did have a thought this morning about how I'm going to get my artistic creative juices flowing. I usually would get a buzz going to loosen up. That was a bit frightening, so I decided to put wondering about that away and cross that bridge when it comes.
Everyone keep on keeping on. We're all in this together!
Now off to get some R&R. Sleep well!

[Lake Lady]

Tinabela - it's day 13 for you. I only know that because we started at the same time. However, you had the stronger willpower. Congrats to you!

[serenty]

Thank you CeeCee! That makes so much sense I love the drunk actor analogy; so true

[bdog]

Almost another day 1 over. God what a headache with depression. So not worth it.

[liberte]

Day 5 done. check. Hang in there bdog - one day at a time - keep climbing.

[CeeCee]

I'll be reading your posts and thinking about everyone but I'm not going to post until I can get more than 5 days under my belt this time. Not as my punishment, just because its getting ridiculous how many day ones I'm doing. My husband got blown in off the water again last night, and we had some drinks. I thought he understood what I'm going through, but he just isn't taking this serious. He can drink moderately and remain in control I'm at a stage in my recovery where I simply cannot be around it. I'm pretty scared that this may be my undoing, because I would never part from my husband. I adore him, its not an option. I didn't over do it last night, which is progress for me, but I don't want it in my system at all. I didn't enjoy it, would not have even considered purchasing it myself, but I've got to be even tougher than that. I have to be able to ignore it, in my own home, on a regular, yet somewhat unpredictable, basis. Is that even possible? I would value your advice, I will be reading. Good luck everyone.

[bdog]

well made it thru that day. thanks Pricilla and Liberte. Anyone who drinks a lot of alcohol for days knows that taking a day starting ones means several nights of tossing and turning and for me three changes of clothing do to the heavy sweating. I started this trip at the end of last summer and hoped I would be thru this by now. For some I guess it takes several serious attempts. Cee Cee the home thing has got me in more trouble than going out because when I go out I know if have as much as I want I will end up in jail, dead or killing someone so I thought I would stay home this past year and have had more hangovers than ever giving myself permission to have as much as I want. Oh well, I lose some battles but I will win the war in time.

[Midwest Sue]

CeeCee,
Since you asked for advice, here's mine.
I think you should show your latest post to your husband, or write a letter or email to him that says the same thing.
Tell him that sobriety is very important to you and you need his help. Ask him if he's willing to commit to at least 30 days of not drinking in your presence and not keeping any alcohol in the house. My guess is that he will support you in this way if you are very clear that you need this.
Best wishes to you!

[Kip]

hey friends,

day 3 here after an unsober weekend. there, that's as honest as i can be. just fine during the week but at this part of the journey the will to avoid it on the weekend is not there. i'm not beating up myself because that will only mess up the week. i think you friends well understand the situation.... but i love sober Mondays and getting back to the forum to ground myself.

CeeCee, your call on posting but, believe me, there are plenty of us who day one over and over.. it's the journey we are on... please stay with us...

bdog, you too... it is so frustrating to get a few days down and then bust. like you said, it's a war and losing a few battles is part of it.

makettle, your post about what people are thinking/saying grabbed my attention as it relates to recent experiences. i have tried all my life to tell myself i don't care what they think. finally, i may be arriving at that point.. why? well, with the exception of my wife who has been with me through all of this (ok, you guys and one friend, to be fair), what the rest think really doesn't matter. they haven't spent any real energy (other than box checking to feel less guilty) towards my sobriety so why the hell should what they think matter.... you can call it live and let live... i don't care what they think and i don't expect them to care what i think. heck, i've spent more time here talking to people i've never seen more than these faux-polite folks i used to call friends... it adds lightness to life.... granted, we do say some crazy things when drinking and sometimes it requires an apology or some consideration for having hurt those who don't deserve it. i'm thinking of the ones who are either ignoring our problem or talking behind our backs.

one of the defining moments in my life as i transitioned from my traditional roots (and all the baggage that goes with it...) is the notion that one should find one's own true way and challenge everything, and i do mean everything, until your own truth emerges. it has "cost" me friends and family but the reward of self-awareness is well worth it. not to mention it makes me laugh to think of the energy i expended to fake their imposed beliefs and care what they think. what a pile of you-know-what.! as i've said before, some may view this as "throwing out the baby with the bathwater". so be it... sometime the "baby" in this analogy is the thing we've been brainwashed to think is good and right when it may not be (for me). like CeeCee says, this drinking washes the individuality out of us.. sometimes it comes back like a tsunami...i think that's a good thing because ultimately we fight this battle alone in our minds.

Sue, awesome job on your wedding attendance. how the hell did you do that..? :) i imagine that's an achievement from which you can draw in the future to remind yourself of how strong you can be.

take care all.. .hope your week is going well... kip

[kevin2]

Hope everyone is doing well,..haven't posted much in the last few days but on day 25 and going strong. I have really noticed lately going stretches of several hours at a time,..and a occasionally most of the day without out thinking of alcohol at all. Just something for those of you a little earlier on to look forward to.

[liberte]

Day 6 done. One foot in front of the other....

[bdog]

Kip on on that journey too a little farther north but hopefully we will end up on the same straight road. I drive a mazdaspeed so fun! Kevin2 25 days so great im going to follow your lead Its been over 3 months since I did close too 30. way past time. Liberte way to go almost a week. such a great feeling that is.

[ToddE]

Kip, great on keeping to what you can and not letting it get you down. That beast would like the weekdays too, I am sure. No pressure here, do what's right for you and what you can. When/if you do try to tackle weekends again at some point, what has worked for you in the past for getting through them?

Liberte, I haven't been on lately. Glad to meet you. Congrats on 6 days.

Kevin, That's great on on 25 days. It's awesome that your getting back to "life" again, without thoughts of alcohol dominating your thoughts.

Everyone else, Hello. Glad your hear whether it's just reading along or posting in.

Went to my first f2f AA meeting today. Not that I want to use that necessarily, but want to make sure to cover all options. Mainly I have been using this forum and online meetings (SMART, LifeRing) as part of my recovery.

I was apprehensive of AA because of my beliefs, that I would be too defensive or people there would be to antagonistic and I wouldn't get anything out of it or that it would be a negative experience. I didn't want to leave any stone upturned though, so forced myself to go and "just get it out of the way".

I know that path is not for everyone and the steps/religious aspect is not for me. I was glad I went though. They had a guest speaker who was very dynamic and the people there were very nice to me.

Take care everyone, Stay strong,

-Todd

[Beth]

Hi all you lovely people, right with you Liberta. Let's keep it up!
Kevin, you are doing awesome my friend and spot on with not thinking/ obsessing about alcohol.
It struck me yesterday as I passed one of my favorite stop offs. My AV said " Let's stop. You have nothing going on and could nurse a hangover if you needed to". But the strangest thing happened.... My car wouldn't turn in. Really. It was an interesting feeling that I didn't want to stop when for so long it took everything I had not to let my car turn in.
So waking up this morning I feel that voice is losing it's strength! Yippee, makes me smile.
My goal is a sober summer. Enjoying all of what that means.
Good day all, Love and Peace.

[kevin2]

Hi all you lovely people, right with you Liberta. Let's keep it up!
Kevin, you are doing awesome my friend and spot on with not thinking/ obsessing about alcohol.
It struck me yesterday as I passed one of my favorite stop offs. My AV said " Let's stop. You have nothing going on and could nurse a hangover if you needed to". But the strangest thing happened.... My car wouldn't turn in. Really. It was an interesting feeling that I didn't want to stop when for so long it took everything I had not to let my car turn in.
So waking up this morning I feel that voice is losing it's strength! Yippee, makes me smile.
My goal is a sober summer. Enjoying all of what that means.
Good day all, Love and Peace.

You're right on Beth, and great job! This is a subject that I think deserves alot more discussion,..and I know Ken has done a good job of it in the past. One of, if not the hardest thing to deal with early on in this battle is dealing with that constant, nagging voice in your head that is constantly rationalizing why it's okay to drink,..and having that never-ending internal debate of whether or not to give in and have that first one,..and just end all of the anxiety for another day. It's that perverbial "monkey on your back". It's maddening and was always bigger than any particular "trigger" for me,..just finally getting tired of fighting the internal war and giving in. I have always been notorious for getting something in my head and not being able to get it out until I acted on it.

As I (or any of us) get farther away from day 1,..and get some time under our belts, we gain confidence and strength in dealing with the nagging debate,..it slowly fades, loses it's power...as we develop the skill (and that's what it is) to shut it down when it starts and move in with something positive to fill our time and more importantly our thoughts. You learn not to even give it credance when it starts,..not to even take it seriously as a consideration,..and it shuts down. All of us here are OCD by nature,..meaning we all crave and create things to obsess about,..and they can be positve things or they can be negative things,..but we WILL choose one or the other. I'm at almost 6 months now of 99% sobriety,..meaning 6 or 7 slips (each 1 time only) and the biggest thing for me has been developing the mental strength to shut down the debate and move on, whereas I used to always give in without even a fight. I think we all wonder how we know if we are making progress,.and I think that is it. When we begin to notice that it's not dominating our thoughts anymore and then begin to notice things like I did last night..."wow, it's 9:45 pm and drinking never even crossed my mind today". That's when you start to feel that true freedom that's down the road.

I hope that makes sense to you guys,..it's a tough subject to put into words,..and it follows alot of the same course as the process of "getting over" an ended relationship or even the process of grieving the loss of a loved one. It just takes time,..BUT you have to give yourself that time (sober in our case) in order to move on with a postive life. I hope everyone is having a great day!!

[Midwest Sue]

Kevin,
You expressed my thoughts EXACTLY!
Beth, I'm so happy for you that your car would NOT turn into the watering hole! It's a milestone, and not to be taken lightly.

As Kevin says, with time we can shut down our obsessive thoughts about drinking and shift them to productive thoughts and activities. This week I'm obsessed with biking to work every single day, whether I feel like it or not. I'm also thinking of the next thing on my "list" that I want to take care of. As I work on my "taking control of my life in positive ways" list, I have less and less room in my head for any thoughts of drinking. Drinking doesn't fit into my new life.

When something is bugging me now, I pause, try to figure out what it is and whether I can do anything about it. In the past I would let worries fester, not deal with them, and then use those uncomfortable, avoided, unresolved feelings as my reason for drinking. Which made things all better, right? NOT.

I'm making plans now. I'm going to achieve some goals. I'm not going to be manic about it, but I'm going to take small steps in the right direction every day. And I won't lift a glass or bottle or can of alcohol to my lips. Period.

[JacquieC]

Hello everyone, its been a while for me since I have posted but glad to say, I have made it through to 152 days now and loving every single day of it. My partner had some wine the other night and I went to kiss him and nearly puked at the taste on his mouth. I honestly felt like an ex smoker kissing a smoker. The taste was horrible. I made him clean his teeth really well when we went to bed!!!!

I have noticed many new faces, apologies in advance if I miss you. I am so proud to see so many new people and dare I say not sad not to see some old ones. I figure if your not posting your doing great!!!

Hello to Liberte, keep ticking off those days, your doing great.

Ww43, good to see your still with us. Hang in there it will get better.

Tinabela and Lake Lady, welcome to you both, good to see your encouragement for each other and for all of us also. 

CeeCee, Sue’s advice is gold. I hope you have taken it.

Kip, hang in there and do what you have to to get through any length of time. Be proud for now that you can make it through the week. Work on the weekends later when your feeling stronger.

Kevin2 – 25 days is awesome, be proud.

ToddE, good for trying all avenues, I went to a AA meeting a couple of years ago to see if “it fit” but found I was like a square peg in a round hole. This forum is the best thing I have found. Do what works for you.

Beth, great to hear that your car won’t turn corners…… Such a great feeling waking up sober hey? Well done.

Priscilla – don’t beat yourself up, start again and start strong. You will get there.

Be strong and remember – I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY!!!!

[liberte]

Day7 - came and went:] moving onto week 2 - I CAN do this!
Thank you to all for the welcome and encouragement.

[Kip]

Happy Friday everyone.... Kevin2, your comments are spot on.. It really is a skill that we develop if we give it a chance.. Like Beth when her car wouldn't turn. That's what I call awake at the wheel! I intend to draw on this idea for strength this weekend because I really don't want to drink. If only I can convert that to willfully not drinking... Therein lies the skill. I recall earlier this year after 23 days when I put that wine glass in front of me. It felt like the first (and only!) time I bungy jumped. A sharp moment in time when we make that choice. How do I smooth it out so it doesn't seem so sharp and it's possible to manage the decision....

JacquieC, welcome back.. Awesome 152 days!! The fact you are loving it is most inspiring..

Priscilla, hang in there..we all know the feeling.. And to moderate and not do anything crazy is in fact progress. Just thinking of how bad it was in the past...As Robin Williams says we violate our standards faster than we can lower them.

I hope you all have a peaceful weekend...

[kevin2]

Happy Friday everyone.... Kevin2, your comments are spot on.. It really is a skill that we develop if we give it a chance.. Like Beth when her car wouldn't turn. That's what I call awake at the wheel! I intend to draw on this idea for strength this weekend because I really don't want to drink. If only I can convert that to willfully not drinking... Therein lies the skill. I recall earlier this year after 23 days when I put that wine glass in front of me. It felt like the first (and only!) time I bungy jumped. A sharp moment in time when we make that choice. How do I smooth it out so it doesn't seem so sharp and it's possible to manage the decision....

JacquieC, welcome back.. Awesome 152 days!! The fact you are loving it is most inspiring..

Priscilla, hang in there..we all know the feeling.. And to moderate and not do anything crazy is in fact progress. Just thinking of how bad it was in the past...As Robin Williams says we violate our standards faster than we can lower them.

I hope you all have a peaceful weekend...

Great to see you JacquieC,..152 days!! Amazing,....but I must say, while I'm doing well at day 26,...I should be right with you at 151 days if I remember correctly,...your big day 1 was right there with (one of) mine.

Kip,..glad my post spoke to how you are feeling. I've read enough of your posts now to know you and I are pretty similar guys, with what seem to be pretty similar drinking patterns,..or at least our past ones probably were. Look at it like this going into this weekend,...If you had a long bike race though the Smokey Mts coming up in 4 months,..but you hadn't been riding much over the last year,..and definitly weren't in shape for it. Would you train by reading books and articles on biking and training,..or watch biking videos? Would you ride around the block a couple of times,..then put the bike up and take a nap? NO,..you would start riding,...day after day, going a little farther each day,..until after a few months you are ready to rock and roll,...short rides now seem easy,...hills that once seemed grueling are now nothing to you.... You get my point.

Try something completely different this weekend Kip. Whatever your normal weekend routine is,...go in the opposite direction. Try keeping yourself in situations where alcohol and drinking just do not fit. For me it's been coaching my 9 yr old son's LL baseball team,..and one of my daughter's soccer teams (both things I could NOT and would NOT have done a year ago). It keeps me busy doing something positive,..the time flies by,..and drinking definitly wouldn't be a plus. It's also damn nice to feel good about yourself at the end of the day and the early mornings,..rather than the nasty alternative. Makes Monday morning a hell of alot nicer too! I don't know all about your situation,..but figure out what the postive things are for you and spend your time there. Give a try,..you can do it! Serious biking in the mountains hurts me to think about,...so if you can do that, you have the internal drive to do anything.

[Ken1]

I have been thinking a lot about everyone that is relapsing and struggling, and that still describes me on occasion. If I remember when I am tempted to think back to what made me want to quit in the first place, my nitty-gritty reasons for finally making the decision that enough was enough and to stop drinking it stops my cravings every time. If I really drill down to the breaking point it had to be that I was sick of settling for a life of mediocrity. I was still a "high functioning alcoholic", but I was definitely not living up to my potential. Like a thief in the night alcohol had crept in and become an uninvited guest in my home and eventually my master. My life revolved around drinking and I scheduled things accordingly. I had let myself get out of shape, became almost a hermit, and an observer of life rather than a participant. I finally just got mad enough to say no more! There is so much more to life, plus I have an expiration date. I had always been intensely goal driven and held myself to high standards, but alcohol and my AV slowly chipped away at that until I was just going through the motions. Now, however, a life free from alcohol has allowed me to once again get back into the race and start chasing my dreams again.

My point is for anyone struggling, make a list of your own nitty-gritty reasons to stop drinking. It could be about your health, your career, your finances, your family, your dreams or a combination of things. Try to think back to when you were drinking and be honest with yourself, was that really a happy time in your life when you had to fight with yourself to keep your car from turning into the liquor store (thanks Beth)? It wasn't for me. As Patrick said, it had stopped being fun a long time ago. A great quote over in the "Quotes ans Affirmations" thread from Heather King's book Parched posted by ww43 says it perfectly:

"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years.”

Thanks for listening and I hope you are all having a great Friday!

[bdog]

Very nice Ken1. Thank you!

[tinabela]

Well, I was doing super well, would have made the two week mark and Wednesday came and I made the slip. I'm aware of how it happened, precisely. On Tuesday, I knew I would be home alone on Wednesday - a long, full day alone. I thought about how I 'could' drink and let that idea go pretty fast. Upon waking Wednesday morning my mood was flat. I couldn't shake it. In retrospect I should have meditated and planned a day of nothing, but I said 'screw it' and off I went to the store. I was stimulated, got a ton of stuff accomplished but didn't know when to stop drinking. My partner got home around 9pm and I don't even remember much after that. He had no clue. Yesterday I woke up, hungover and went to my best friend's women's party. Ugh! I ended up having a really good time, but there were a couple of non-present moments during conversation. None of these people had a clue. There were a few bottles of wine but zero overindulgence. I was totally fine with that as I drank my cucumber, mint and lime water. This time I haven't swept the slip under the carpet. I'm on day two again, not beating myself up, but acknowledging my behavior face on. Repeating the 'dual life' (lies) had me wondering if anyone might question my private life. Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a banner on my forehead that says 'drunk' and everyone knows. This quote, I think from Wayne Dyer, speaks to me "It's none of my business what people think of me." I like that a lot.
New day and I'm sober.
Thoughts to you all!

[Midwest Sue]

Hey everyone,
It's the weekend again. I think it's a good time to read and think about this:
http://zenhabits.net/one-skill/

Learning to be happy with yourself:
Discuss!

Sue

[liberte]

Day 8 done....great posts...thank you.

[liberte]

Day 9 done. Check.
“A year from now you will wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb

[Eric]

liberte, Excellent job and congratulations. The first days are the hardest (for me) because they always seemed so impossible and my alcoholic mind was screaming and whispering to just give in and have a drink. Today, I made a major recommittment and am going through all of Patrick's core articles. I will read them and do what they say and then read them again. I love to procrastinate in recovery by reading another book, watching another recovery movie (is watching 28 Days really going to get me sober?), or attending another meeting. I have decided to stop attending AA because I found that instead of trying to live sober or not, I was fighting with whether to believe the AA program. AA meetings became a trigger for me. That's just me and if they work for you, that is excellent. Like Ken mentioned earlier, I made the decision to quit because I became tired and very angry about living half a life. My mental and physical health were poor and I could do nothing I wanted to do. My motto was "tomorrow". Everyting was always tomorrow: quit drinking, quit smoking, start exercising, start dieting, start writing, start being a good father and husband - always, always tomorrow. I am looking forward to a renewed committment today and DOING what Patrick points out in his articles.

[tinabela]

Done with day 3! Haven't even thought about drinking since Thursday morning. Wahoo! Great posts from you all - they have really helped!

[nomoredayones]

I have not posted in awhile. I have been drinking and pretty much "gave up" on myself. Today is day one. I don't want this alcoholic life. I feel shaky, depressed and like a failure. The urges to drink are SO strong. I know I need to be stronger than the urges but I am afraid. I hope I can do this....

[liberte]

Day 10 done. check.

[Eric]

I spent a lot of time this weekend rereading the main articles from Patrick (Alternative Recovery Program). I am always amazed at the depth of his knowledge and the honesty with which he writes. The key is really surrender to the disease and to be absolutely willing to do anything to change your life. There is no mystery to recovery; no mystical intervention. It is all about a commitment to not drink, to adopt a zero tolerance policy, and to take action to grow your life. That's all stated in the articles; those aren't my ideas. I will follow those ideas for today.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
I haven't been able to post last week as the kids were off school and I don't have my own personal computer. They went back to school today so I'm back on line.
As I have said before, my eldest daughter is 16 soon as I'm terrible for saying this but I am counting the day she leaves home. She treats me and her younger sister like absolute shit. My husband is hardly ever at home and I feel so lonely. Yesterday I spent doing the mindless chores and cried all day long. I picked up the drink.
Morgan............I will be your day one with you. Shall be count the sober days ahead together???
I've chucked all the remaining booze away and off to work in a couple of hours. I'm dreading sleeping tonight as I know I'll have the sweats and nightmares but I will white knuckle it. I've done it before and I can do it again.
I read that book 'mommy doesn't drink here anymore' and it was exactly right but AA was pushed too far for me. I'm waiting still for 'living sober sucks' book. I reckon that will be far more up my street.
Morgan...are you with me???
I will not drink today.
Love to you all

[nomoredayones]

Thank you so much for responding Alison. I am definitely with you! Today is day 2 for me.

[bdog]

Hi All, Almost a week for me and a sober Monday at work. What a great feeling!! I wish I could put this in a bottle and drink it!!!.

Morgan and AlisonUK I have been there so many times in the last several months keep picking yourselfs up thats all we can do.

[kevin2]

Hi All, Almost a week for me and a sober Monday at work. What a great feeling!! I wish I could put this in a bottle and drink it!!!.

Morgan and AlisonUK I have been there so many times in the last several months keep picking yourselfs up thats all we can do.

bdog,..I'm with you man, one of the best things about not drinking is how different Monday mornings are now,..it's awesome. It's a rainy morning here,..with a busy day ahead. A year ago I would've been in absolute hangover-hell right now,..just praying to make it through the day,..until 5:00 when I could start the miserable cycle over again. It's honestly not to be taken lightly,..and it's things like that which completly make this worth the effort,..so take note of your post for future reference.
I'm on big day 30 today! I've allowed myself to slip around this point the last 3 times, so I need to watch what I'm doing this week and coming weekend.

Great to see you back Alison,..your raw honesty always makes me smile,..and nomoredayones it's about time you came back. You and Alison will make a fine duo,...I EXPECT to see alot of both of you this week!

[Midwest Sue]

Good to see you here, Alison! Keep it going, Kevin! Make it to 60 days this time!

I'm working on new coping skills, and it's tough. Here's a big thing I'm learning: it's okay to NOT RESPOND to stressful situations. You don't have to argue back with someone who wants to fight. You don't have to drop what you're doing because someone else has an emergency. You don't have to reach for a drink because you're in a low mood.

There's a story about a Zen master who responds to terrible accusations with this question: "Is that so?"
(http://everydaybuddhism.blogspot.com/2010/12/zen-story-is-that-so.html)

I'm trying hard to take this approach to the crap that comes my way. And we ALL have crap of various types being tossed our way.

I've mentioned before that in my drinking days I had a tendency to either over-react or under-react. I'm trying now to just be thoughtful when faced with things that rock my bliss.

Today I'm still trying to make a thoughtful decision about how to respond to a "blast from the past" pile of crap that my husband slung at me yesterday. I know how I would have responded 6 months ago.

Now I pause and consider what he said and why he said it and I say to myself, "Is that so?"

[liberte]

Day 11 done. check.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Morgan, still on the wagon mate?
I slept OK last night and I put that down to lovely fresh clean sheets. I did however had a real sweat out this morning before the dog run but I reckon that's the poison making it's last exit from the skin! There was a load of booze by my front door which I asked my husband to put in his car as he was on a night shift. He forgot to take it and I didn't touch it!
We are having terrible flooding here in the UK as we have had one month's rainfall in 48 hours!!! And there is more to come. As long as I 'stay away from the Chardonay' I'll be coo. Rain and hangover's don't mix that's for sure. I remember reading another great quote from the forum..'don't look at the staircase, just the step'. I love that.
Stay clean and serene
Toodle pip

[nomoredayones]

Hi Alison. We share the same poison - Chardonnay (or any white wine in my case.) I am having major sleep trouble (I put fresh sheets on the bed too) but I guess that is how it is going to be for awhile.
I need to stay motivated. I need to remind myself that sobriety is worth it. That I am worth it.

[Mel]

Hey all, Good to see Morgan and Alison back and working it. I'm on day 2. I've really been struggling very badly since March. But, had an honest (well, fairly honest) conversation with my main drinking buddy and I didn't sugarcoat it - as in, sorry dude, I've got to stop and if we are going to hang out (we are professional colleagues as well as friend-friends) then I need your support. And she was fully on board - not just supporting me, but asking me to help create things to do and places to go where we both don't feel the need to drink. So, this is the second person outside of these forums who has at least some part of the story and is asking for mutual support. Day 2. I can do this. The problem, of course, has always been that I can do it outside or with the supportive people around, but it is when I am alone that I succumb to alky-voice. Day 2. Feeling good (okay, better than I did 2 days ago).

Take care everyone.

[kevin2]

Hey all, Good to see Morgan and Alison back and working it. I'm on day 2. I've really been struggling very badly since March. But, had an honest (well, fairly honest) conversation with my main drinking buddy and I didn't sugarcoat it - as in, sorry dude, I've got to stop and if we are going to hang out (we are professional colleagues as well as friend-friends) then I need your support. And she was fully on board - not just supporting me, but asking me to help create things to do and places to go where we both don't feel the need to drink. So, this is the second person outside of these forums who has at least some part of the story and is asking for mutual support. Day 2. I can do this. The problem, of course, has always been that I can do it outside or with the supportive people around, but it is when I am alone that I succumb to alky-voice. Day 2. Feeling good (okay, better than I did 2 days ago).

Take care everyone.

Hey, great to see you Mel! Good call on having the conversation with you drinking buddy,..it will help both of you and will be good support for you to also have someone to talk to in person, who knows you well,..in addition to this forum. I have also found that opening up to other people about this problem gets easier the more you do it. Not that you need to spew all over anyone who will listen,..but it does seem to add confidence and mental strength the more you address it. It somehow reinforces it in your mind and adds to your resolve. You can do this Mel, I know you can. I've seen you (not really) when you have your mind set on it,..and you really had it rolling before your last slip. You were really at your best,..and I think you probably know it. I look forward to watching you get back to that place over the next couple of weeks. I'm on day 31 now and am sensing that "now what?" mentality starting to creep in. What I need to focus on is just how great I feel now and how easy life is,..as compared to when I am/was drinking. It's night and day literally,..and all of us know it. That's the frustrating,..and senseless part of this fight.

[Julie]

Welcome back Kimber - it's nice to see you back. And others of you still fighting the good fight .....

I’m sitting here on a rainy afternoon, thinking about drinking. After 4 months, three weeks, and six days I still fight our common demon. I don’t post often, but do check in, if only to encourage myself to keep quitting. I’m grateful for the postings of the more senior members here who lead the way, and the musings of some newer folks who are gaining traction. I send positive energy to those of us who are still raw and struggling. Thank you all for sharing so honestly. I think we can all gain from the discussions of our struggles and the individual support here. Too many to name each one of you, but I thank you for posting.

Selfishly, I’m writing to remind myself of why and how I quit, in hopes that I’ll add another day to my sobriety and refresh my passion for this new life. For 30 years I woke up with a headache and fuzzy brain every day, swearing it would be my last hung-over morning, only to open a bottle of wine again by 5 or 6 PM and be into my second bottle within an hour after. By 8 PM I’d be useless. I would avoid going out with my family, or accepting invitations to events, because I wanted to be home to drink. I would hide the bottles as I purchased them, and take them to the dumpster after they were empty because, after all, what would the trash guys think of my consumption? My blood pressure and weight were rising, and my daughters were openly disgusted with me. I would promise them I’d quit, only to surreptitiously drink again, fooling no one.

I don’t know why I quit on January 16. I wish I could bottle up the determination and send it to all my friends here. I don’t know if I will choose to keep it up forever, but today I won’t drink. What helped me when I started, and continues now:

1. Zero tolerance. I do not open a bottle. I use the SOBER acronym often (thanks Eric). Stop, Observe, Breath, Examine, Redirect. I do not lift the glass to my lips, period.
2. I surf the cravings. I don’t try to eliminate them, I just feel them as they come (less often now) and remind myself that the feeling will eventually pass. I accept that I will want to drink – I choose not to act. The brief relief that a drink might provide is not worth the recrimination that follows.
3. Zero tolerance. I do not drink.
4. I read Patrick’s articles over and over, and listen to all of you.
5. Zero tolerance. I do not drink
6. I joined a face-to-face SMART group which meets once a week and provides great support.
7. Zero tolerance. I do not drink.
8. I drink lots of green tea or sparkling water.
9. Zero tolerance. I do not drink.
10. When I feel like drinking I take the dog out to walk, I clean a closet, I sort laundry, I go shopping – I just DON’T OPEN THE BOTTLE.
11. Zero tolerance. I do not drink.
12. I write my thoughts down to refer back to. I often think I should be “rewarded” with a drink and it helps to reflect on my musings on the journey.
13. Zero tolerance. I do not drink
14. When my AV gets in my ear, I think about the wasted time/years of my life, and the limited time I have left. I feel so much better now, and I like waking up in the morning and simply making my bed. The simple things make a difference and I focus on those changes.

Thanks for being here everyone …. Never quit quitting.

[bdog]

Kimber and Julie its great to hear from you pros. Its 8 days for me i wish it was more. but i feel good. I also wish we could hear from everyone who has been on this post in the past. so many success stories and it helps to know whats ahead for those who can get past the first hard days.

[Mel]

Julie - great list, I need to remember and work on zero zero zero tolerance. Thanks Kevin for the words of encouragement and support - they mean a lot. I'm off to a bonfire with friends, toting along delicious grapefruit soda and my friend that I had the heart-to-heart with yesterday is also planning to bring over non-alky stuff and reiterated that she hopes we can support each other not-drinking. Nice. Okay, wish me luck. I'm sure that I'll be able to report back that the only bottle that I opened was bubbly and grapefruit with nary an alcoholic molecule in sight.

[liberte]

Day 12 done. Wishing all of you a wonderful night:]

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Doing OK here. Julie, I lived in Baltimore for 6 months when I was 21. I was a family companion for a family who's child had a disability. The dad was a doctor who worked at the Johns Hopkins University. Not sure why I've just told you about that mindless information LOL.
Thanks to Kev1, my books arrived from Mark Tuschel. In fact I received 2 books plus a DVD. The books were signed and dated by him. Th books are called 'living sober sucks'. I read a 3rd of the first book last night and he defo has my sense of humour. Can't wait to read on!
Morgan....still with me girl?
The Olympic opening ceremony was revealed last night on the news. OMG.........wait for it............................It's going to be a f+8k@ng farm!!!!!!! Noooooo!!!!!
Has anybody got a hut in the wilderness I can go into for a month?
By the way, the booze is still by my front door and I ain't touched it!
Stay clean and serene!

[Midwest Sue]

Julie, it was good to see your post! I love your list of what keeps you sober and #14 really hits home for me. So many wasted years and I just want to make the most of each day now. Well said, and thank you.

The thoughts and cravings will always be there but so will the knowledge of what is bound to happen if I give in. I won't go back there. I finally respect myself enough to want to continue this better way of living.

Have a great sober day, everyone!

[Mel]

Starting day 3. Feeling good - bonfire went well, I and my friend did not drink and no one else was really pounding them back. So, check. I'm committing to Patrick's 30 days. I need to get through that first bump of success, and - yeah - I'm going to play the 'after 30 days I can drink x' (but also reminding myself every day how much better I feel, how much more capable I am, and how much more I am getting accomplished - and that while it might be terrifying right now, maybe I can really do this for the rest of my life.) I practiced this last bit last night - someone said, 'hey - you aren't drinking'. I said "nope, I think that I'm done, drank all my drinks, had a good run of it, gonna try something new.' and winked. People laughed and said, awesome if you can do it - cheers!

[kevin2]

JOHN! SO good to see you too.
Yes.....no more boyfriends for a while. Think I'm going to really suck up this single thing and let someone wine and dine me for a change (at some point). For now I am perfectly content in my new home alone with my knitting, plants, and recipes :)
I have gone back and deleted all my prior posts so that this is only my 2nd post.
For many reasons I guess.
I don't want to look back.....I don't want to count how many times I have fallen............I want a fresh clean start.....I SO want to make it this time.
17 days has been my record...........I plan to break it this time.
I moved into my new apartment 7 days ago and today I celebrate 7 days. I DO NOT want to bring alcohol into my new home.
I'm going to see how long I can accomplish this goal...........one day at a time.

Thank you SO much for the warm welcome back. I have missed you ALL immensely!!

So that's why this thread suddenly dropped from 304 pgs down to 299 ;-)
I was wondering what happened,..a shame though to just flush 5 pages of perfectly good drama down the cyber-toilet Kimber. Great to see you back,..and congrats on the new pad, sounds great.

[liberte]

Day 13 done. check.

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Feeling good. I'm engrossed in 'living sober sucks' by Mark Tuschel. I have been in fits of laughter. He has a great answer to when someone offers you a drink...'I'm sorry, I can't drink. I'm allergic to alcohol. It causes me to break out in stupidity!' Love it.
The way we feel today is a result of what we did yesterday.
How true is that.
toodle pip.

[hope]

Hi everyone

I am still here - still reading posts every day....and still drinking. I thought yesterday was going to be my freedom day - was so strong until the 6:00 pm beast came calling. I was going to follow Julie's great list and then ???? I woke up this morning thinking I wish I could be like the others on the forum and just quit and it occured to me that is probably my problem - I am 'wishing' I could quit and not DOING it. I could wish to win the lottery and it may or may never happen because that is out of my control, but it would be silly to wish to go to the store and get more milk when I needed it instead of just doing it....so maybe that is my "aha" moment - stop wishing and take control and just do it. I will announce today as my freedom day 1 and take control of my choices.

[Julie]

Yep, Hope, "Just Do It"!!! I'll be rooting for you, and Alison, Noel and other friends out there. I always remember something Ruth posted way back along the lines of: It's really simple, just not easy. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I've climbed mountains. NEVER QUIT QUITTING and one day it will stick. I also think about Patrick's statement that no one really wants to quit, but those who do make the decision anyway and then just act on it. Simple, not easy.

[wlinser]

Today is day one for me. I know I have to quit. These posts have been great. Keep 'em coming.

[Mel]

Day 3 done and day 4 well on its way. No real temptations today and tomorrow - well, except as Hope points out - myself and my wish to drink. So far, so good. I am relieved that I have made it this far, because I was back into really really damaging patterns of drinking (alone, a lot; with others, a lot; drinking before going out to drink, etc etc.).

Good luck everyone, stay strong.

[Christy]

Kimber-that sick and tired of being sick and tired list was me one year ago. Now it's been one year yesterday that i did not have a drink. It isn't easy, I think that everyone on here doesn't really want to quit, but there comes a time that enough is enough!
To everyone stuggling the first few days, weeks and months are difficult, but in the long run it is so worth it.

Good job Kimber on 8 days, and to Mel, it's good to hear from you and stay strong!

[JeffR1]

Christy, a big congratulations! :) What a fantastic achievement. I know for me it was so important to not be around alcohol in the early days of sobriety, but you had no choice working in your bar / restaurant. You have truly demonstrated a determination to succeed and overcome, and along the way, you have helped to inspire me. Have a fantastic day!

Hi to everyone. The thought crossed my mind yesterday about Eckhart Tolle's writings of the power of the present moment. I remember reading and wondering what his 'solution' is to letting go and living in the now. He basically says there are only three perspectives from which to live life: acceptance, joy, enthusiasm!

I thought this was too simplistic, not enough information to go on! But, I continue to see there is merit to his approach. In many ways I have seen how I resist what is, that is, I'm not accepting the present moment. The more I practice acceptance, the freer I feel. I may not like accepting that I can't drink, but as I keep reminding myself of that as each opportunity arises, the more comfortable I am with it.

There are now times I experience the joy of sobriety. I still gain so much inner fulfillment from drifting off to sleep peacefully and waking up clear-headed. It's great knowing I can go out in my car at any time if I need to. It's also fantastic not going through all those awful feelings that came each day after drinking.

Further still, I'm now able to experience times of enthusiasm much more than I could in the past. I have recently been involved in a project of building myself a camping trailer and I'm really enjoying it. I look forward to my first camping trip in it soon. :)

I'm experiencing life on it's own terms a lot more nowadays, and although it can still be tough at times, I'm grateful to be doing it sober.

Congratulations to everyone for being here - just that in itself is an achievement and part of the journey. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Just for today allow yourself to accept everything as it is right now. I really like the saying 'what you resist persists'! Resist nothing! Best wishes. Have a great sober day.

[bdog]

Welcome Wlinser hang in there. Good to hear from Sylvane! Hope and Noel it gets better keep going. My 10th time this year and Im up to almost 2 weeks again and it feel alot better. So many emotions but so much better than being numb then tired and depressed. It gets better we must do our best not to miss the beautiful summer!!!

[liberte]

Day 14 done. check.

[hope]

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your support - Julie you are right - simple ...not easy. I am doing o.k. I have had some wine not enough to be 'drunk' but enough to have to tell my 19 year old daughter that I can't pick her up even though she is feeling ill after a late night fitness class and would like a ride home - part of that is her responsibility to plan ahead and not expect her parents to be driving her still.. but I should be able to step up and that is what scares me about this. If I had to respond to a 'real' (not an I'm tired after fitness class) crisis I want to make sure that I can do that and at this moment I don't think I can. Congratulations liberte on your success, please share with us!!

[AlisonUK]

Hi all
Hope, It's the dreaded phone call that someone needs you and you have to say no due to taking in the poison. It's a real doomer. Even more so if it's your kid in need. Christy...OMG. Well done.
I was joking around with my eldest this morning before she head off to school. She said that I was acting like I was drinking but sober. I felt empowered by that. It was good to show her that mum can be funny without being intoxicated. Normally she would have skulked off to her room saying to her sister 'mum's drunk again'! Ha! no I wasn't!!!!
Morgan....are you still with me?
JeffR1, I would love a camping trailer to do up. I would call mine 'trailer trash'.
Keep reading and posting everyone.
How we feel today is a result of what we did yesterday.
Toodle pip

[Mel]

Hey all! Christy - that is an amazing amazing feat! I remember when you first joined the forum - I really want to be like you and Carol and Ruth and Sylvane, and make it stick. Make it stick for the long haul.

Day 4 begins. Things are going okay. I'm not having withdrawls, but not feeling great still - but better every day. What is really surprising is that I haven't had the crazy-making cravings yet (yet! I say with some trepidation) - I know that they will come, but I need to put some mental strength to not giving in. Alison - I do find it really satisfying and surprising when I have a good time, am just as sparkly a wit as ever I was, when not soaked to the gills. I think that I have relied on booze as a personal-social aid and that made me forget that I am able to laugh, enjoy myself, etc. without being drunk.

Have a great (sober) Friday all!

[liberte]

Day 15 done. "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." Mahatma Gandhi

[john48]

Hi I am sober again, day two. I still feel awful I had over two months and found a bag pot in the glove box
of a rental car, I should have thrown it away but I smoked it and a few days later I was drinking again.
I drank about four times and flushed the pot down the toilet and threw the beer away, I am still pretty
depressed though. I want to be able to trust myself. But I don't.
John

[Don]

Hi all. Have been reading for a while and this is my first post. Read the getting started thread and now working on this one. I'm on day 11 on my way onto day 12. The first week was the hardest I thought but just had a frustrating night. Now it has me craving a beer. Not going to do it though. Even though that would be an easy way to "forget the frustration" I know it won't be worth it. The best things in life are the ones we work hard for, not the ones we get from taking easy short cuts. Just on here to vent my frustration, it really does help. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Midwest Sue]

Don,
I'm glad you jumped in and congratulations on 12 days!

There will always be those times when your thoughts automatically revert back to drink as an escape from uncomfortable feelings. Riding those waves of feelings is a skill I'm still working on, and it gets easier with time.

Please feel free to vent through keyboard therapy any time!

[bdog]

Welcome John and Don,

Hang in there John48 and Mel doing good again like me.

Like the famous words of Liberte = Day 12 check!

[Beth]

Good morning all, half way through June sober! liberte, thanks for keeping count! For all who havent joined our sober June train, start today. I am a true believer in liberties' quote. You want Happiness? Well you can't be when always fighting the alcohol demon. I don't care what anyone says, any happiness you say you have while still fighting the battle with alcohol is a complete lie.
I am in a feisty mood today, so I apologize if that was harsh but not apologizing for the statement. One of the biggest and hardest lesson I have learned in my process is truth. Tell the truth, especially to yourself. My AV can no longer manipulate me because I have the courage to tell me the truth.
Welcome back John48, I don't even know what to say about finding pot in a glove box of a rental car.....unbelievable, no way, score! That was totally unfair for some idiot to leave it there for a drug addict for you to find. Totally unfair! But great for you for flushing the rest. Yes, you don't have total control but you do have control and you wouldn't have been able to do that without going through your own personal process. Great for you me friend!
Welcome Don, glad you are here and that you already have the foundation it takes to beat this.....the fact that you realize this is hard and hard things are the ones with the biggest rewards! That took me a long time to come to terms with. I wanted easy so it wasn't happening. Now I have so much pride in myself and recovery because I am working hard to stay sober and am honest about how hard it is!
Take care all.

[john48]

Thanks bdog and beth, Today is day three I just want to feel good again, I spent most of the last two years sober.
I never made it to six months though, but almost. Before that I was Blotto Man for decades. I am so tired of that,
I see drunk people and I wonder was I that bad, and people will tell me no you where worse. I hate being around
drunks now. I need to make it this time, I am tired of starting over and over, I know I can do it, I quit smoking so
I should be able to quit this awful habit. Have a great week-end.
John

[liberte]

Day 16 done....I am losing count - I think that is a good thing...check:]

[Noel]

PS....I got that hour walk with the dog today (just not at 6:00 a.m.).....so I can check that off my list for today!! Now the challenge is to think of something new. Any suggestions? :)

[Sally]

Noel - My first thought was to go to a nursery I always pass, but have never stopped at, and buy a pretty pot and a flower and plant it...place it on my table to remind me how beautiful life can be when we don't drink:] Good luck.

[Noel]

Sally,
It is funny you suggested that. While I was at the grocery store today, I bought a new plant....a variety that I have not killed (YET)! Oh well, I am sure the plant will still be alive during my 7 day challenge.

Hey All,
I think we should have a "name the voice" contest. My voice that says DRINK is screaming REALLY loudly today. :( I haven't thought of a good name for my alcoholic voice yet. My first thought was the name of a terror/pain in the rump neighbor.

[Noel]

It is 9:00 p.m. here and I made it past my witching hour today. Today was such a rough, horrible day. With it being Father's Day, I had people around me drinking, but I DID NOT give in to that aweful inner voice. If I can get from 4-8 without giving in I am good.

Please God let tomorrow be easier. 6:00 a.m. walk is going to be early but atleast I will not be hung over.

[liberte]

Day 17 done. check. Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.

[Beth]

Noel, Great to see you working the process and wish you all the success. I feel so guilty about not excercising my dog more. I have to admit the voices in my head that make promises to her to wake up early enough to get a good walk in need to be silenced. So I am in on your challenge. 6am sister. Just set the alarm. Now ready to read to fall asleep.
I have a cocktail party tomorrow so joining you will help me stay on track.
Night all and Happy Father's Day to all you blessed dads.

[Midwest Sue]

I came upon a good article about making positive changes and wanted to share an excerpt.

"Research shows that the pull or attraction for whatever we hope to do, have, or become is a far less powerful motivating force than our desire to avoid the inevitable pain we experience while we're in the process of achieving the things to which we aspire. Thus, for instance, if we want (but fail) to change our diet, even if we really, really want to, it is because we associate more pain with making the necessary changes to our diet than the pain we experience with the way we are currently eating. In short, as long as you identify change as being more painful than not changing, odds are that you won't change."

The complete article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rod-stryker/motivation_b_1588183.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

[Kip]

Good morning all... Day 1 for the umpteenth time. These posts are inspiring and at the moment I am receiving more than giving here.. Very frustrating, these weekend relapses. And they keep getting worse.. I'll try to string together a clean week and figure out some strategy for Friday. Simple, not easy.

Noel, 6 a.m. is coming soon,, I'm joining you! Best of luck.. Off to run...