Painkillers

hydrocodone-addiction

How to Beat Hydrocodone Addiction

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I happen to work in a drug rehab center so I see an awful lot of Hydrocodone addiction. To be quite honest I believe the number of opiate users we treat is now exceeding the number of alcoholics that come in, if you can believe that. Prescription painkillers seem to be the new drug of choice these days. Is Hydrocodone addictive? You bet it is.

Hydrocodone is a synthetic opiate that is slightly more powerful than Codeine (as measured by the opiate molecules strength in binding to opiate receptors in the human brain). Some of the common brand names for Hydrocodone are Vicodin, Lorcet, Lortab, and Norco. Doctors prescribe it for all sorts of different issues and it tends to work really well for most types of pain. Too well in fact, because many people can and do get addicted to it. This makes for a complicated situation because now you have a drug addiction that is actually there for a specific reason: to medicate a person’s physical pain.

So one of the major questions becomes: if you are trying to overcome Hydrocodone addiction, how are you going to manage your pain? What are you going to do when your body is suffering and in pain?

Managing pain without opiates

It is important to understand the difference between opiate based painkillers and other medications. When you take a medicine such as Ibuprofen, the medicine actually works to help reduce the pain right at the source of the pain. It does this by reducing inflammation and swelling in the body. So it literally goes to the source of your physical pain and makes it smaller.

With an opiate drug (such as Hydrocodone), there is no such reduction in pain. In fact, the medicine does not really reduce pain at all. What it does is it simply dopes the human brain so that it does not care about the pain as much. The pain is still there. But if you are taking Hydrocodone, the effect that the drug has is that it makes it so that you don’t pay as much attention to the pain.

If your pain is a ringing alarm clock with bells, then taking an opiate is like sticking a rag in between the bells. It simply dulls the ringing. It does not reduce the pain itself though.

So if you understand this then you can see how any condition that results in chronic pain should really be treated with something other than an opiate drug. If the physical pain you are experiencing is temporary (or very short term), then taking an opiate might work out pretty well. But if your pain is chronic (or longer lasting), then taking an opiate is not going to help you in the long run.

So if you are trying to get off of an opiate drug, then you need to have a plan for how you are going to manage your pain without using addictive painkillers. You might start experimenting with alternative ways of treating your pain before you even try to get off the opiates, so that you are more prepared in how you will deal with the pain. For example, you might look into some of these ideas for managing pain without addictive drugs:

1) TENS units.

2) Using non-narcotic painkillers (ask your doctor for details).

3) Meditation and relaxation techniques

4) Massage.

5) Acupuncture.

And so on. If you start experimenting right now with these sorts of ideas, your chances at staying clean and sober will increase because you will be better able to handle the pain when you are no longer using opiates. If you are struggling to make progress in this area, you might consider going to a pain clinic or finding a different doctor who is more accommodating.

hydrocodone addiction
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Options for dealing with Vicodin addiction

There are a few different ways that you might treat Vicodin addiction. One thing that you might do is to simply check into a residential rehab center that has a medical detox. This is usually expensive but it might be the best option for most people.

Another form of treatment is to use drug therapy. So an addict might switch to a medication such as Suboxone in order to treat their addiction to Vicodin. Some would argue that this is not much better, as you are still ingesting an opiate based drug. However, the abuse potential of Suboxone is much lower than that of hydrocodone, so this is still a decent option for some people. Most people who have a short term addiction to hydrocodone will not need drug therapy like this, however. But it can be useful for some people who suffer from severe chronic pain issues, as the Suboxone will help treat their chronic pain as well.

Obviously, Vicodin addicts who are dealing with these types of questions will want to speak with a doctor at great length and carefully weigh their options before making any decisions.

Hydrocodone dosage

Typical hydrocodone doses range from taking one per day as needed, all the way up to taking 1 to 2 tablets every 4 to 6 hours, usually not to exceed 8 tablets in a 24 hour period. Most hydrocodone addicts eventually start consuming more of the drug than these recommended dosages, however. This can become dangerous, too, for people with liver problems, because of the potential for taking too much Acetaminophen as well.

Of course you will want to check with your doctor as to what dose you should be taking in the first place, and you would not want to exceed their recommendation. Anyone who deliberately does so runs the risk of developing dependence from abusing the drug by taking a higher dosage.

Hydrocodone detox

Detoxing from hydrocodone will produce typical opiate withdrawal symptoms, that normally resemble a case of the flu. Sweats and chills, upset stomach (including possible cramps, nausea, or diarrhea), anxiety, tremors, and dilated pupils may all be present during detox. These symptoms can best be treated in a drug rehab center with a synthetic opiate drug called Suboxone. The person can then be tapered off of the Suboxone in a matter of days and experience very little discomfort throughout the entire process.

Some people seeking detox from opiates may look to a newer method called ultra rapid detox. This is where they put you under and then flush your body from all opiates, detoxing you in a matter of hours rather than days. It sounds nice but there are a lot of problems with it at this early stage, and it is prohibitively expensive in many cases. Plus there is no guarantee that the person will stay clean.

Typical hydrocodone addiction symptoms

The symptoms of hydrocodone addiction may include:

1) Abusing the drug, taking more quantity than what is prescribed.

2) Hiding, stealing, or hoarding supply. Keeping amounts taken a secret. Stashing pills.

3) Buying pills off the street or manipulating doctors to get more.

4) Inventing injuries or illnesses to get more supply, deliberately hurting oneself to get more pills.

There are other symptoms as well but basically if you cannot stop taking the drug on your own (and you want to) then that is a strong sign of dependence.

Some signs of hydrocodone addiction

If you suspect someone in your life of being addicted to hydrocodone, then watch for the above symptoms, and also:

1) Lying about how much they have taken or how many pills they have left.

2) Hiding pills or sneaking them around, protecting supply.

3) Nodding off from taking way to much of the drug.

4) Withdrawal symptoms when they don’t have pills left.

5) Obsession on getting more pills, especially when running low on supply.

Hydrocodone withdrawal

As mentioned above, the withdrawal symptoms of hydrocodone will typically resemble the flu. This will generally last from about 3 to 5 days, and sometimes it will stretch out a bit longer than this, depending on the person and also on how much they have been taking and how long they have been abusing opiates. Detox in a drug rehab center can really help the addict to get through the discomfort, because they can treat the withdrawal using medication without allowing the addict to become addicted to the medicine. People who fear becoming addicted to another medication are just using an excuse to avoid getting clean and sober. Drug rehabs do not resort to drug therapy and get addicts hooked on new medicines. This is a bunch of crap. Instead, they taper you down and when you walk out of the door, you do it completely clean and sober, not addicted to anything.

Hydrocodone overdose

It is possible to overdose on Hydrocodone, especially since it is usually (but not always) packaged with Acetaminophen. Of course the opiate itself is a going to depress the nervous system and at some point just the opiate alone would become lethal if enough of it were taken. All opiates carry some risk of overdose and hydrocodone is no different in this regard. Those who are abusing the drug and dependent on it obviously run a greater risk of having this happen.

Hydrocodone side effects

Anyone can experience any number of different side effects when taking just about any medication, but most people who use hydrocodone at normal dosages do not experience any major problems. If you do, obviously, you should talk with your doctor. If you happen to be taking more than the prescribed dosage and are abusing hydrocdone, then the obvious answer is to get some help and stop abusing the drug so that undesired side effects will no longer occur.

Some of these side effects might include:

1) Being nervous or anxious.
2) Getting dizzy.
3) Dry mouth.
4) Heart burn.
5) Sweats.
6) Trouble sleeping.
7) Not eating as much.
8) Feeling weak.

Obviously if you have any adverse effects that are really bothersome, consult your doctor.

Getting through withdrawal

Depending on how much your body is addicted to the Hydrocodone, you may want to go to a treatment center in order to get fully detoxed from the drug. Most drug rehabs that have a medical detox unit will be able to treat your withdrawal symptoms from the Hydrocodone with their own medications. In other words, they will help to make the withdrawal process a lot more comfortable than if you simply went off of the medication cold turkey.

The best way to get through any withdrawal is to sleep through it. Depending on how severe your symptoms are, this may or may not be possible. Also, if you suffer from a great deal of physical pain, this will make it more difficult to sleep when you are going through withdrawal from Hydrocodone. These are the types of factors you will need to consider when deciding if you need to actually go to a drug rehab in order to get off the drug.

Basically, if you have easy access to opiates, and you are going through very heavy withdrawals, then it is going to be almost impossible for you to get off the drug without getting some sort of help. If you try to do so and fail several times, you might want to look into the possibility of going to treatment for it. There is no shame in going to drug rehab. They can help you get through the withdrawals and possibly even help you learn how to start managing your pain.

If you’ve been using narcotics to manage your pain for a long time, or if you just use opiate based drugs for fund and recreation in your life, then it’s going to take quite a large effort in order to become clean and sober and to really make it stick. Like with any addiction, there are at least 2 distinct stages to overcoming Hydrocodone addiction: early recovery and long term recovery.

In early recovery, you are basically focusing on the immediate problem of getting off the pills and learning how to live a life without narcotics again. This stage of recovery can last anywhere from a few months to several months, depending on the person. If you ask for help, get professional treatment of some sort, and start interacting with a strong support system on a regular basis, then you might very well be entering the second phase of your recovery in less than a year. Of course, this is all about action. You have to initiate these positive changes in your life and actually follow through with them in order to establish a successful recovery.

Long term recovery from Hydrocodone addiction

Moving into long term recovery happens naturally as your life gets “back on track.” By now you will have found alternative ways to handle any physical pain, and you will no longer struggle to make it through each day without using drugs. But this does not mean that there is no threat of relapse. There will always be the possibility there to tempt you. The key, therefore, becomes constant vigilance in your life when it comes to putting drugs into your body. You have to adopt a zero tolerance policy when it comes to narcotics and addictive drugs.

Anyone who has successfully kicked an opiate addiction but ends up relapsing over and over again needs to find a new way to live. This is the cycle of addiction and the only way to defeat it is to get clean and sober (physically detox from the drugs) and then find a way to live drug free so that you are satisfied with your life. If you are restless, irritable, discontent, bored, or uninspired then chances are you will end up relapsing eventually. In this case the opiate addict can either follow a program of recovery (such as the 12 step program) or design their own program of recovery and create a new life for themselves. Either way, they need to take action and start living a drug free live of passion and purpose if they want to remain clean in the long run.

If you or someone you know is suffering from Hydrocodone addiction then I would recommend professional help. If you cannot quit on your own and make it last then you need to ask for help. Inpatient treatment or professional counseling are both good starting points. Go into either with an open mind and you can find a new way to live.

 

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  • T Grissom

    Hi,

    My wife has a hydrocodone problem. I have chronic back pain that I occasionally take pain killers for. She has always had a weak spot when it comes to pain killers. The problem has gotten worse a few months ago when she injured her knee. The dr wanted her to go to physical therapy to see if that would help. It hasnt. He recommended surgery, but we found out she is pregnant. Now she cannot get the surgery until after the baby is born, and the knee pain is and will continue to get worse as the pregnancy continues. I have been giving her a couple of pills a day to help the pain. Dr. said the possible side affects of hydrocodone is better than the stress or high blood pressure from the pain. Yesterday, I noticed she had found my pills and had at least 10-20 missing. She cant control herself. Im concerned about the health of the unborn child as much as I am about her. I lost my job 3 months ago so money is a serious issue now also. I’m at a loss…..

  • Patrick

    Hi there T. Grisom

    That sounds like a real problem, especially with the pregnancy. If I were you I would strongly encourage her to get to a drug rehab center. There they can get her detoxed from the hydrocodone, and they can also possibly direct her to some alternative techniques to help with the pain. Some rehabs will have more information regarding this than others.

    I am not a doctor but I am pretty sure Hyrdocodone is not good for the baby……

  • Jim J

    My withdrawal log 11 AM June 24:
    I am on the 2nd day of one every eight hours. I went ten hours prior to this mornings first pill. Some imodium issue, not bad though.

    June 26

    Went 9 hours. Very tense this morning. Subsided now after dose.
    Also sneezing. About 6 times then light headed.

    June 29 tough night sleeping. Every eight hours now. 1PM then bed time tonight. then we go to every 12 hours.

    July 1 Went 14 hrs then had one. Next in five hours. General tension, some sneezing, coughing, hot flash on occasion.
    July 2nd and 3rd down to last pills
    July 4th Had last pill at 1100 hrs walked for 45 mins on unl campus
    July 5th slept ok it has been 24 hrs and some sweats and general tension and thats about all. Two slices bread, peanut butter sandwich and salad and no appetite. At 8AM I was frantic to get my last refill. I called doctor and Doctor said wait and exercise. Brenda says why take another when you have gone this far. Indeed God has used her to send me the message and answer my question. Walked 45 min at nature center. Walking is helping slightly.
    July 6th
    Last night I slept zero hours. I have never been so tense and restless I feel like my body is going to explode from the inside out. Finally I sleep from 1045hrs to about 1415hrs (3.5 hours) the diarrhea is starting. So I rush and buy immodium A-D
    I contact the doctor and tell them I have 48 hours behind me and I do not want the last pills filled, which would have been for one a day. I may have offended him by doing it my way. I decided to gain a week. Why take one pill now after going this far to have to just start over. I suggest valium and the nurse asks and P-A Tony, doctor is not comfortable with that. He says to take benadryl. I already started that. It is the allergy med that is the same ingredient as sleep easy pills and I already have those. Again one step ahead.
    It is now 3PM my ears ring and I have the loose stools, took two immodium A-D with one bottle of water. I feel mentally alert but tired. I wish I could just sleep all this off. I am going to go lay back down.Watched TV then took another Imodium AD after another bout.
    Hour 56 at 7PM tired but not sleepy. Dont feel like doing things, like vacuuming and such even covering the grill sounds like a chore. Some light aches and pains.
    Hour 57 hot flash is back intermittent hot to cold. Had bowl of chick noodle soup and took another sleep easey(benadryl)
    10:30PM No sleeping, very awake but tired. Making Hot CoCO
    Near 1 AM and only 3 hours sleep in two days

  • Patrick

    Jim J, hang in there, you are almost out of the woods. Take 50mg of Benadryl every 4 hours if it seems to help you. Use Motrin and Tylenol alternating every 4 hours if you have body aches and pains. You are almost there and it sounds to me like you are just about through the worst of it. If you make it to the next night and can actually sleep through most of it then you will be well out of the woods tomorrow.

    If this fails then consider going to detox next time. They can eliminate about 90 percent of the discomfort that you are going through, but of course it is expensive.

    Good luck. Thank you for your comment, I am sure it will be useful to many people.

  • Jim J

    Update
    Hour 57 hot flash is back intermittent hot to cold. Had bowl of chick noodle soup and took another sleep easey(benadryl)
    10:30PM No sleeping, very awake but tired. Making Hot CoCO Up till 5:33 AM
    July 7th it is 10:33 AM I slept 5 Hours. At 6:50 I herd Brenda’s alarm go off, but must have went back too sleep. No symptoms right mow. Am I out the woods? I mowed the back yard and vacuumed. Why did that seem like such a chore.
    July 8th This is day 4 and it is just after midnight. I can not sleep again. I close my eyes and I am tense. So i get up and then I am tired. I guess it is time for late night TV. I never watch TV but read about news on the net.
    2:15 AM going to try sleep again.
    July 8 I woke up at 8:24 AM very rested. I have no more need for Imodiun AD at this time. It is hour 95 one short of 4 days.

  • Patrick

    Jim I think you are out of the woods. Take a long, long walk today and you will sleep good tonight.

    Tomorrow you will feel very good indeed. This is so exciting! I am so glad you are clean now……awesome stuff.

    Thank you so much for your detailed documentation here. This is seriously useful stuff for anyone who might find it in the future.

  • Jim J

    Thank you. I took everyones advice. I am so happy now. I am going to take the long walk advice and head out on a walk in just a few mins. It is hot out, but a good swet will be good. I posted this here because I know it will be a help to others who have an issue with opiates. My use reached a point where I was taking norco to feel normal, I went to my doctor and told him, and I said I wanted to taper off. I was not able to ever get 7 days on the final 14 pills. So when I quit I was at three pills a day of 10mg. To those of you who are trying, keep trying and you will make it. I did not have any vomiting. I think the benadryl helped with it. I spent hours on the internet looking for information. Some of it was good. This page had the best of them all. Thank you!

  • Jim J

    Sleep update:
    July 8 I woke up at 8:24 AM very rested. I have no more need for Imodiun AD at this time. It is hour 95 10 AM, one short of 4 days. I went for a 3.5 mile walk we will see if sleep is better tonight.
    July 9 minor sleep problem had to take hot bath and it helped relaxing, up numerous times. I would say I had a 4 hour sleep or so but feel rested and energetic. Today I Moved items in 90 degree heat for 5 hours and then had turkey for supper. Hope it helps sleep.
    July 10 fell asleep for 15 min at 10:30 PM. Then up three times and 4 hours sleep from 1:30 to 5:30 AM Hours away now from day six and no problems except the sleep!

  • Patrick

    Thanks for another update, Jim….been thinking about you and your experiment. Sounds like things are looking pretty good for you.

    Sleep might be an issue for a while. I can remember when I got clean and sober and moved into long term treatment, my sleeping pattern really did not straighten out for a couple of months. I did get sleep here and there, but it was never as consistent as I wanted it to be. These days I sleep very well indeed with no meds at all, mostly due to the fact that:

    1) I get up a the same time every single day no matter what.

    2) I exercise hard at least 4 days a week (running 6 miles).

    3) I quit all caffeine intake completely.

    These have proven to be good sleep hygiene habits for me in the long term. I know you are in a more acute stage of recovery though and you just need to get some zzz’s where you can.

    At any rate keep us posted and I will be interested to see how long it takes for your sleep to get to a level that you are comfortable with.

    Great work so far Jim. Keep it up.

  • patrick

    I was only taking three a day 10/500 when i stoped i felt bad so i cut back to two a day this is my therd day at one and a half can you get addicted with such a low amont patrick

  • Patrick

    Hi there Patrick

    That is strange that you are experiencing withdrawal from what is really a therapeutic dose, but I guess it is possible. I am not a doctor. Maybe you could ask the doctor who prescribed them to you about something non-addictive that might work for you? Good luck….

  • patrick

    The last time i got off hydrocodine i was so depreesd that i did not try it again for a year is that normal so this is my 3 day down to one and a quarter last night i could not stop sweating

  • Patrick

    Yep that sounds normal Patrick, sweats and chills is a common withdrawal symptom, as is restlessness which will make it harder to sleep. I think you are on the right path, good luck…..

  • patrick

    I have been taken Ambien at night for two years and hydrocadine day time could it be a bad combination i am down to one pain pill a day feeling light headid is that normal

  • Patrick

    Well I am no doctor, but I work in a drug rehab and I’ve never heard anything bad about that particular drug combination. The light headed feeling is not necessarily normal either, but it could be due to typical symptoms of opiate withdrawal too. If you get too out of sorts with the light headed feeling I would either call your doc and see what he thinks or maybe just lie down for a while and take it easy. Did you stop the Ambien too or are you still taking that? I know it can be hard to sleep when you are detoxing from the opiates…..

  • patrick

    No i am still taking Ambien for sleep next will be getting off that

  • patrick

    This is my fourth day at one a day i still have flu feelings and so tired is there some thing i could take

  • Patrick

    If you are tired you should sleep, as much as possible. If you can’t sleep here are some meds that you can take for various symptoms:

    Tylenol/Ibuprofen for pain. Alternate these every 4 hours. 1000mg of Tylenol, then 4 hours later 800mg of Ibu, and so on.

    Benadryl 50mg every 4 hours for anxiety as needed. This might also help out with sleep a bit if that is your goal.

    Immodium of you have diarrhea.

    Make sure you drink lots of fluids, try to eat 3 squares per day. Try to sleep through what you can. Lots of rest. I would not try to use caffeine or anything else to treat the fatigue, it will just irritate your condition further. Rest up.

    These meds are all OTC so follow the labels, consult your doc, etc. No miracles here with this advice I know, but it will help if you follow all of it and just take it real easy.

  • Jim J

    Wow what a week. I had sleep, it was with ambian. Caution, you can take too much and not remember. I looked in the bottle of 30 Ambian and it was clear I took more than I should have. I did not remember taking extra. I did have my first good night of sleep last night with no pills. So it was 13 days and sleep has returned. With support I am returning to a “normal” life.

  • Patrick

    Hi Jim

    Yeah you have to be extra careful with a medication like that, I have heard of people having similar issues with Ambien. Good that you are finally leveling off and starting to feel decent again. Good luck with your recovery.

  • patrick

    hi Jim
    I have been down to one a day for 12 days days do you think i shoud stop taking today patrick

  • Patrick

    Well if you still have a supply then I suppose you could always drop down to half a pill first. Your call. I am no expert but I have seen people cut down to a half and even a quarter pill when coming off of some other opiate medications such as Suboxone for example.

    But maybe it is sort of like pulling off a band aid too. Maybe you should just pull the plug on it today and be done with it. Good luck either way Jim, and please let us know how it all turns out.

  • patrick

    taking suboxone is that like cutting down on hydrocodien i have taking nothing today i fill very light headed is that normal do you have a nother hot line for help Patreick

  • Patrick

    Hi there Patrick

    No I don’t have a hotline handy.

    Not sure about the light headedness, you might want to call a doc and ask him. If you are simply cutting down on Hydrocodone you may very well get some withdrawal symptoms. Of course the symptoms can vary quite a bit between different people. Hang in there and try to just get rest, if you can. Lay on the couch and watch TV. Or, go take a walk. Distract yourself as best you can.

    My favorite strategy has always been to sleep through withdrawal. This is the approach that finally go me through quitting smoking. Now I realize this is not the same as opiate withdrawal, but many would argue that they are both VERY intense.

    If you stay up all night, do lots of extra walking, and don’t take any naps, then you can probably sleep a good 14 to 16 hours straight the next night. I am talking about staying awake for a full 36 hours straight with lots of light exercise. This works great if you can fit it into your schedule. Sounds crazy but it works.

  • Max

    Hi. I stumbled on this page today. Not sure if anybody is still posting, but I thought I would give my story.

    I’ve always had an addictive personality ( I am 42 years old now). My parents put me into rehab when I was 17 for marijuana use and hearing that I had tried LSD. I was the youngest person they had ever had at the time in that facility. I felt out of sorts, 1) because I was so young, and 2) all the other patients were alcoholics or coke addicts. I was you and didn’t really relate to their problems. Long story short, I was diagnosed with “Chronic Marijuana Use”. I find this diagnosis laughable now, but again, this was back in 1983.

    I stayed clean for about 2 years after that. Funny thing about being an addict, no matter your drug of choice, it will talk to you after you have been so successful so long without it. I remember clearly as yesterday – I was riding my bike a few miles and all of the sudden my brain goes, “its been 2 years – you can surely smoke and control it”. Within a week I was back partying more than I was before. I tried all sorts of pills, coke, binge drinking, ecstacy, LSD, Shrooms…you get the picture. Fast forward a decade and I was drinking daily, smoking daily and taking the occasional pill when I would run across one.

    Fast forward to 2003 – I worked with a woman who go the 5/500 Vikes. She would give me one in the morning and I would take it with my coffee. I felt so productive. This lead to me wanting more and seeking out different people to see if they “had a few”. Driving across town to pick up 4 5/500’s??? Crazy! Plus I felt ashamed.

    I found how to order on the internet an started with Lortab 7.5. I remember clearly for at least 6 months only taking 1.5 pills every night with a beer or two. I felt relaxed and didn’t feel the need to up the dose. I would get 50, 60, 90 or 120 a month…whatever I could afford at the time. I look back on that and WISH I had all of the money I have spent on this sh*t! I would be rich! After the internet started to dry up I went sporadically without pills for periods and one day they would just pop in my head, and off to the urgent clinic for feigned back pain to get a script.

    After I used up all local clinics I started asking friends….and friends of friends. I was ASTONISHED how many people are on this stuff!! My move to NORCO had arrived. Surely I could be happy with 2 pills a night with a drink….and I was for a while. Tolerance grew at that time but never took over 4 10/325’s a night.

    2006 I had a bad jet skiing accident and thought I tore my rotator cuff. It hurt BAD for a year. My doctor gave me 7.5/500’s regularly. Her prescription was for no more than 8 a day. I stuck to this.

    In 2007 was in a bad accident and it seemed to re aggravate my shoulder and now NECK. Had CT Scans etc…saw a neurologist…and was refereed to a Sports Medicine Dr. He wanted to do surgery immediately. I opted for the Cortisone shot in the arm. This work amazingly for about a month then the pain returned. At this point he was giving me 200 10/325 a month. I scheduled surgery MAINLY to get off these pills! I thought if I had no more pain, I would easily quit those pills. After surgery he gave me 200 more NORCO and 80 PERCOCETS. That month was a blur. I was depressed. I lost my job. I found myself drinking in the morning, noon and night WITH pills. I finally said enough is enough. People who know me either see me as deopressed or crabby. I feel like my personality has changed.

    Sidenote: I decided to go cold turkey in 2006. I was up to 7 a days mostly. I was scared of the detox so told my doctor. She offered a tapering schedule lasting 36 days! I didn’t have the discipline, so she gave me Clonidine, Darvocet N and Valium. The first 3 days were hell! Very restless body. Always fidgeting. Not sleeping. A heightened sense of smell. Goose flesh. Burning skin and chills.And of course insomnia! I stoped on a Thursday – went to my doctor to get some comfort meds on Friday and felt crappy on SAT/SUN. I stopped taking the Clonidine after 2 days. It made it impossible to move off the couch. Never so lethargic in my life. By Sunday it was pretty much the same symptoms. Monday was a little better and Tuesday I had a good dinner and felt more nomal than I had in years!!!! I went for a good walk and it felt great. I noticed over the weekend while watching TV when something made me laugh it was almost manic! Not sure if this is normal or not. I spent nights watching bad TV and the sun coming up. This detox lasted 14 days and then I thought I would reward myself with a couple of Vike ES’s. My tollerence was low and I enjoyed the feeling. It took no time to spiral out of control again. I havent been clean more than 30 hours since then.

    So, I had surgery May of 2009 and my shoulder has recovered well enough to stop. I was up to 10 – 12 a day at the time. I tried weaning and again I dont have it in me. It seems like it makes you have withdrawals longer as opposed to the “rip the bandaid off” theory.

    If people are still reading this I will post my story of going through this. I went from 12 a day to 4 a day for 3 days. Yes, it was a little uncomfy. Today I just said I am going CT and get it over with. I’m on hour 30 with no pills. I just took some immodium and @ klonopin to take the edge off a bit. Sleep is not available yet and that is truly the worst symptom AND the reason I caved before. Before when I went CT – after 2 weeks of sobriety AND no sleep I talked my self into taking a couple to help me sleep….again, out of control it got again.

    So, here I am…30 hours into this. Dont feel dreadful, but I dont feel great. I hope my detox is the same length as my last one and by day 4 I will be feeling better. This drug is a death sentence.

  • Patrick

    Hi there Max

    Thank you for your story and for your detailed account. Yes, people are reading this page still….about 15 to 20 new people every single day. That number will continue to go up as well so you can be sure that your experience has not been in vain, you are helping LOTS of other people by sharing. I do appreciate it.

    Now as far as your situation goes, it sounds like you are really giving this thing your all. I doubt I can give you much wisdom. Why not go to treatment though? Maybe that is not available to you, but there they can use Suboxone to get you through the worst of your withdrawal symptoms. They can also give you meds to help you sleep. I know this because I work in a detox unit as a nurse aid and take care of sick opiate patients.

    So I guess that is my big question for you: can you possibly go to a rehab? If not, can you research ways to get access or funding to rehab in some way? I think it would really help for someone in your situation…..

  • Max

    Patrick, thanks for the speedy reply :) Treatment isn’t available to me for several reasons (let me know if you think I am BS’ng myself :)

    * I lost my job 2 weeks before my surgery. My COBRA is in jeopardy of not being active. I will find out tomorrow.

    * I have a possible job this month and can’t turn down the money.

    * I have read about Sub and again think at this point it is better to just rip the bandage off! I really don’t want to prolong this anymore.

    Now, what I would be willing to do is try to find a counselor to talk over what makes me choose to ‘space out’ rather than deal with real life!! THAT would be helpful; just having someone to talk to! I know 4-5 days of withdrawal and a couplde of weeks of sleep are only the beginning to slay this monster. The real work comes after the W/D’s are gone. I feel like so much life and money has been wasted. I want to salvage what is left.

    I hope another 48 hours will be the worst of it. I have 10 pills let but NO desire to even take one because I am so determined. You might ask why I don’t flush them – well I want to know I made it through even having a backup! I have Ultram that I NEVER take but read that it helps w/d’s. Is this true, or does it just delay them?

    Sorry for any typos, but I’m mobile :)

  • Patrick

    My understanding is that the Ultram would not suffice as a detox drug like Suboxone, but would instead send you off to the races more likely.

    Hmmm….I think you should flush the pills. Just my 2 cents, based on failed attempts at quitting smoking. When I finally quit for good, I really tossed all lighters, ashtrays, etc. Fully committed.

    So I do not think the Ultram will help. I don’t know if you are BSing about treatment, it sounds like a tough situation to me though. I know it is expensive. We all need money.

    No wisdom from me here….if you can’t make it through this, will the new job really fly? Maybe eventually you will need to make a choice, and put your life on hold and get some real help.

    Maybe you can find a free help line which would serve your need to chat with someone as well. I have looked online before and I think they still exist…..

  • Max

    Patrick,

    I will look into it. Instead of flushing them, I had a friend call me and is “out” and not feeling so hot. He doesnt want to quit, so I gave them to him. I really could care less if I see another one at this point.

    38 hours into. Not feeling great, but I am feeling great about letting this habit go!

  • Patrick

    Sounds like a good solution you got there Max with getting rid of them. Keep us posted on your progress. It sounds to me like you are going to make it.

  • Max

    Thanks for the support Patrick. I made it to hour 42. Funny how that seems like such a short time, but feels like a monumental task! I’ve only slept 4 hours in the last two days – which I hate. I even took some Ambien with no luck. Maybe I can try to squeeze a nap in. I don’t feel too horrible. Not great, but not horrible. I think a lot of this detox is mental and if you go into it unsure about quitting, or thinking how painful it might be, you will make it harder on yourself. I want to feel somewhat crappy to remind me of how I got here and how I do not want to return. Hopefully another couple of days and the clouds will start to part ….although I know sleep will be an issue for a while. I am going to run some errands and try to do some light exercise today. Maybe that will produce a cat nap.

    Max

  • Patrick

    Sounds like a solid plan there Max. I appreciate you keeping us updated here so that others can benefit from your experience. Keep it up, I like the idea of you doing some light exercise as I think that will help your body to sleep later on.

    I would not suggest reading in bed, but you might read for a while before you go to bed. Combined with the exercise that might help a lot. Wear out the body, then wear out the mind.

    Good luck….

  • Max

    74 hours and although I am feeling tired, I am MAKING myself do moderate exercise. I feel so much better afterwords! I slept a solid 4 hours last night and it was long overdue. I must say that is probably the worst of it all; insomnia. I am a true believer now that you cannot quit this stuff until you make up your mind to do so. Every day is getting better.

    Patrick – thanks for this forum. I cant tell you how much typing my initial post and having your support helped. I’ve learned to take this minute by minute. You can feel distraught, desperate, depressed etc and it can be overwhelming. Give yourself a minute or two to let it pass….because it does. Live in the moment!

  • Max

    BTW..music is really helping me through this. Thought I would share a song that really hit home yesterday.

  • Patrick

    Ha! Great song there Max, very interesting for someone going through what you are right now.

    Yup, every day gets better and better. Once you are at that point, the trend continues indefinitely. I can honestly say that today is better than yesterday. New stuff, new ideas, creating new connections, things just keep growing in recovery.

    Keep on going Max, and keep us posted as to your progress. Sounds like you are really doing pretty good now…..very excited for you.

  • Amy

    i take one maybe two hydrocodone aday, pluse xnax for panic attacks and anxiety, this has been going on for 3 years, i have stoped taking the pain pills before but started back .I can only stop for about two weeks, how do i stop? i need help!
    Amy

  • Patrick

    Hi there Amy

    If you can stop for 2 weeks then you are well past the physical withdrawals. Of course if you are still taking the Xanax then that can complicate things too. Be careful of stopping the Xanax cold turkey. That is not recommended.

    If you need help getting off either pill then consider going to rehab. You could always try weening yourself down off them by taking smaller and smaller amounts but addicts are generally not real great at doing that successfully. Also, doing so might be dangerous and unreliable with the Xanax. Best to go to rehab. Good luck!

  • anna

    hello all, this is a great site. ive been detoxing for one week. i was taking 15 vics a day! my body still crawls @ times. I can’t sleep lucky to be able to sleep one hour(maybe) I do make myself go walking 2 times a day.. but i still can’t sleep. I’ve taken all the hot showers…music..tried watching tv..i just wannt and need some sleep

  • andrea

    HI,
    I have been on lorcet for 10 yers plus soma and ambien I hve decided to quit cold turkey ,I am having withdrawals is there anything that will help me

  • Stephanie

    Hi, I am so ashamed of my self and just need to talk to someone. I am addicted to Oxycodone I take probably at least 3 aday. I am PREGNANT and need someones help to get me off this medication! I am due in about 7 weeks and NO ONE around me knows that I am addicted to this medication. My boyfriend that I love So much has no idea that I have been taking the Oxycodone and Vicodin. And I dont want to tell him I know he would up and leave me!I am really scared and I dont want to loose my baby to a foster family or anything like that I just dont know what to do! Its the hardest thing ! I will take my last pill and say there Im never going to go and buy them again! And what do you know a few hours later I am on the phone calling my “friend” and buying more! who knows how much money I have spent on these things! I need help and dont want to tell my doctor about this as in fear that I will get my baby girl taken away! I am scared of the withdrawal, I dont know what it will mean for my unborn daughter as I will put my self through it if it will not cause any harm to the baby! Please will some one just help me! I cant take it anymore! I just want to stop taking the pills! Im sick of my life on these Pills! I am only 22 and have been taking pills since I was 16! Its like everywhere I go and I am there are people on vicodin and its like everyone is addicted! Its scary and I dont know what to do any more! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me!!! I just want it to STOP!!

  • Patrick

    Stephanie – I would bite the bullet and go to rehab. Do anything and everything you can to get yourself some help in rehab.

    I don’t know how it is everywhere else, but the experience I have seen with treatment centers is that they go out of their way to try to get a pregnant female the treatment that they need. They put a higher priority on it then on other clients. Take that as a major hint and go get yourself into rehab. It is double important that you do so.

  • MJ

    I just wanna offer my support to those of you out there that are making a go for it to get clean. My situation is a 3yr addiction that came upon me by accident during heavy workouts in the gym. Now I know all the withdrawals and how hard they can be. Let me say this though, it does get better. If youre about to kick it, let me just give you some advice as to what to expect and a way to make it easier. After the first 24 hrs you will get the diareeha. Immodium is the key here. Your body and especially your lower half has been in a slow digest mode for a long time. All your senses are going to be extreme for the first 10-14 days. Imagine(in my opinion only) if you will, having a blanket over all your senses and your brain sending extra nerve impulses to them attempting to equalize your body, then all of a sudden you stop and those extra impulses keep coming until your body settles down, and it will. I experienced restless legs(so many times), and believe me, the best thing you can do is to get some kind of sleep aid. The better the sleep aid, the more rest you will get. For me, the worst is the almost uncontrollable sweating and the aches and pains as well as the bloated gaseous and diareeha. Its hell, I know. But let me tell you something. Ive always been a person that had always prided myself on the fact that I didnt do ANY drugs, worked out religiously, and never thought I would fall the way I did for three years. Yes, I know the money you spent. I spent it too. Its a shame, and you feel bad, as do I. But you know, the money didnt bother me as much as the lies I told and the shenigans I pulled on my wife. Im not talking about cheating, Im talking about doing whatever I could to get those dam pills and hurting us financially. So, I made a committment to myself that since I did whatever I could do to get them, now I will do whatever I have to do to repay our selves. Thats just me. One more thing, cause I dont want to seem like Im preaching to ya. Those people or “friends” that supplied you with them knowing your addiction, arent your friends. Friends wouldnt suck you dry and watch you fall and deteriorate. Anyone need to talk, send me an email. Remember, sleep aids, immodium, and as Patrick said fluids and as much rest and all. You will feel like shit for the first 7 days. Once you get to 14 you got it made. These drugs show no mercy. They hurt your kidneys and liver and I sometimes still wakeup with pain there. Dont put it off. Do it now. Take off from work for 3 days minimum. You can do it. Im here on the other side for ya and I promise you it is worth it. ….Mark

  • Sarah

    So here I am trying my best to taper off hydro. It all started when I went through a break up a year and a half ago. I was with the guy for 8 years and he was basically my life. Its ridiculous because I wasn’t really in any “physical” pain, but I was an emotional wreck and unable to cope. I had tried vicodin in the past (but only a few times and didn’t realize how addicting it was) and I recalled how great it made me feel. So I faked a back injury and headed to the doctor. I had no problem getting a script.

    The addiction started off slow. I wasn’t even addicted at first. I had a 10 day perscription (40 pills of 5/500 hydros) and that lasted me a few months. I would only take one when I felt extremely sad and that wasn’t everyday. I did notice how incredibly productive I was when I had one. It was almost like whatever I wanted to do at the time I could do it 10 times better on hydrocodone. Looking back, I’m amazed that it took me a few months to finish a bottle of 40 pills. Flash forward to 6 months later and I could finish 40 pills in 5 days…

    No I didn’t go back to the Dr to see if I could get a refill. I ended up meeting a guy who became my boyfriend very quickly. I didn’t know it at first, but he had an extremely bad addiction to hydrocodone. He told me he took them recreationally (Liar, he took about 10-12 a day) He made it seem like it was perfectly fine and told me that so many people we know do the same thing. (Turns out it’s actually an epidemic in my town and so many people are hooked its sick) He started giving them to me and soon I was hooked and wanted them all the time. I loved everything about them and was convinced they made my life so much easier and way more enjoyable. I loved taking them at work, I was so productive and it made my work day so much more fun. Then I started taking them for school too. I was so much more focused and motivated on the hydros. I actually got a 4.0 my last semester in college (typically I am 3.0 – 3.5 student). I also felt much more confident in social situations while on the hydros. I could talk to anyone and never get nervous or intimidated like I used to.

    Even though my new boyfriend was nothing compared to my ex, and deep down I knew he was going no where in life and was pretty much a scumbag, I didnt mind because I was on the hydros. The first time he ran out and couldnt give me any, I got the flu really bad (or so I thought). I had no idea it was withdrawal until I did research online. I then became completely disgusted with myself and with him for feeding me the pills and acting like everything was cool. Once he got more, I continued taking them because I wasnt able to function without them. Soon I got up to 7 or 8 pills 10/367 per day. I started buying them on my own since I knew about 12 different people in my town that I could get them from consistently.

    So after being on the pills everyday for over a year, I finally realized I have a horrible addiction and as much as I’m in love with these pills I know I need to stop. I bought my last 100 pills a month ago and have been tapering off ever since. I broke up with the scumbag boyfriend and deleted all of the drug dealers I know out of my phone. I am now down to 2 and a half pills of 10/367 per day. It hasnt been easy but tapering is working for me. Amazingly, I have the self control to have come this far. My muscles ache, and I have insomnia but I’m going to keep tapering. I am officially breaking up with these pills and ending my love affair. I am scared as hell but I know I can do it. I am disgusted with myself for getting addicted to these in the first place and even more disgusted that I didnt have a valid reason to start taking them.

    Any advice will help!

  • Patrick

    Wow Sarah that is a valuable story you just told there. Appreciate the info.

    As for advice, it sounds like you are dragging it out a bit longer than necessary with your taper idea, but I might be wrong. It just sounds like you are tapering too slowly and are miserable anyway….so why not rip the band-aid off for real? It sounds like you are down to a point where you can do that now, though I am no expert.

    If you find that you cannot get off them completely, I would urge you to go into a drug rehab, as they can help you through the worst part. I know you probably hesitate to do that but it might be what is eventually needed to get you over this last hump. Good luck and thank you so much for sharing with us….

  • Marie

    Hi…wow where to begin…Let’s see I’m an addict, there I said it…I’ve been taking at least 7-10 Lortab 7.5 for almost 3 yrs now b/c of hip surgery…I’ve always had this in my head that I was “beginning” to get addicted, but just didn’t want to admit to it…Now I’ve admitted it…actually I admitted it on 9-19-09 about 11am (or that’s when I took the last that I had)…I’ve had all the “typical” w/d, no vomiting, and so far I’m making thru this without any help…well, I take restoril at night to help me sleep, so I really don’t have issues there, what is bothering me is this absolute lathargic feeling that I have and the feeling like I can’t breath…from what I’ve read this is all normal and the worst of it should be over in about a day or so…..myquestion is am I correct on this? or am I just telling myself the worst is almost over b/c that’s what I wanna hear???

  • Patrick

    Hi Marie

    Yeah you should have a withdrawal that lasts for about 2 to 5 days maybe. Usually the third day is the worst for most people coming off Vicodin, but that is an average. So if you are average, you should start feeling a bit better on the fourth day, and quite a bit better on the fifth day, and so on.

    Good luck, hang in there. Anything beats going back to the cycle of madness…..

  • Marie

    Just wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE who’s posted on this page, It has not only been very informational, but it has also helped, just knowing that their are others out there who’s beat this, and it HAS helped me so much! I’m not by any means thinking that I’m over it all, I KNOW that I have a LONG way to go, but I am well into day 3 and I’m beginning to feel much better!

    I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I could do this. I had honestly thought about ways I could get more, but then I come to this page and I thought–ya know, there are others out there who’s went through the same thing and beat it, and I once was a strong, independent woman–so thanks to all of you and your posts because without them I would have never made it through these past few days. So again a HUGE THANK YOU!!!!! And keep up the good work on here and keep me in your prayers I’ve got a long road ahead, but I’m ready for it!!!!

  • Patrick

    Well that is awesome, Marie! Thanks for coming back and sharing your success with us. Sounds like you are well on your way to recovery.

    Stay strong!

  • Sweethuntercat

    I am trying to quit for the third time this year….. I have had one in the past 15 days….. Have had sleepless nights, hot flashes, cold flashes, and an upset stomach for the past two weeks….. I also get sudden jolts of uneasyness and panic…. how long does this last and can I really do this alone?

    Any thoughts anyone….. is this all normal?

  • Patrick

    @ Sweethuntercat – two weeks is a bit long. Most can detox within 3 to 5 days and be through the worst of it. Maybe a bit off after that but you should be feeling 90 percent better at the end of one week for sure.

    2 weeks is not right. I would either go to rehab or talk to a doctor. Usually the 3rd day is the worst and then after that it gets better each day.

  • Wanna Be Free

    Hello Patrick and Everyone,
    I have been reading the postings on this site and Patrick and all of you have convinced me to go into rehab. I have been living with this Hydro addiction since 2003 or 04 it’s been so long ive forgotten how many years. I too, have spent all the money, time and lies with, what i call, an accidental addictio to 750mg. hydro and now just use as a “normal” everyday function. My ex would get a script of 90 or I’d buy 90 and it would be gone in 3-4 days. That’s crazy, but I can’t make it without the scary withdrawals. So today is Thursday, Sept. 24, 2009, and I’m proud to say I leave Tues, the 29th, to go into inpatient detox and that is mostly due to the fact that not only am I tired of this lie but in part due to this site and the postings. I have learned that there is life after detox and although I’m just a bit afraid of the unknown and being away from my family for 14 plus days I know I will survive just like all of you did. I want freedom from this drug and all the false hopes and hidden agendas it comes with.
    Yes, I’m about to go out and grab a few more to make it until Tuesday morning, not because I want to but because I’m too chicken of the withdrawal symptoms and pain. BUT, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and Tuesday, Sept 29, 2009, shines brightly for me. I will take all of you with me in my heart, mind, soul and spirit and I will keep a journal of my daily life and post it so maybe someone will be able to get free too.
    Thank You All and God Bless
    Lisa

  • Patrick

    @ Wanna be free – That sounds exciting, and it sounds like a great plan. Make sure you follow through after leaving treatment. Do what you gotta do. That is a bit different for everyone and it is largely what I explore on this website. But I am excited for you because it all starts with detox, and residential treatment. Such an opportunity for you. Awesome.

    God bless Lisa…..anyone else who is struggling, try following her lead and see what an awesome life you can have if you are willing to check into rehab….

  • Wanna Be Free

    Hi Patrick and Thank YOU!!!
    I was in a rush when I left my last comment, which happens to be the first one I posted here.
    Please allow me to add a little background on my situation.
    I fell at work and injured my ankle, not broken, but fractured, which the docs in the e.r. informed me fracturing my ankle is worse because had I broken it there would be a better chance of healing properly. So, after several weeks of taking my meds (vicodin 7.5 and ibuprofen 800 mg) as prescribed, I ran out of refills and thought nothing of it. A short couple days later, while at work (customer service rep for “ma bell”, aka phone co.) I noticed I felt HIGHLY STRESSED, more than usual. Now working in a call center for the phone company is a very good paying job, BUT, the stress factor to meet your hourly sales goals isn’t worth the pay.
    While on a short 15 min. break one afternoon I had a throbbing migraine and asked one of my co-workers if she had anything for a headache, she gave me two 500 mg. vikes. Once again, I thought nothing of it. Oooohhhh, the thrill I got, plus, I was able to work until lunch without wanting to scream back at a customer. Calm, Cool and Collected, at lunch I ran to the nearest phone and made an appointment with my primary. All of a sudden my “ankle” hurt really bad. Yeah right!!!

    Now here I am several years and thousands of dollars later, I AM AN ADDICT. Lucky enough to be a part of the trend that seems to be socially accepted by being “addicted to pain killers”, I am disgusted by my actions and docs that prescribe these pills without an INFORMATIVE AND CAUTIOUS WARNING, I mean afterall, “we” as patients are supposed to trust our doctors decisions. I almost wish there were some sort of class-action lawsuit that could be filed against these doctors, similar to the lawsuits filed against tobacco companies.

    As I said in my first posting, I base part of the decision to go into rehab on this website and the postings I’ve read. I’ve done a ton of research and one day I read a posting (from another site) where a lady had gone to her primary physician and confessed she needed help getting off of hydro. The only problem I saw with her story was that the doc prescribed her Xanax and other meds to help her detox at home………Now she needs to detox from the Xanax.

    Anyway, I went to my primary and he gave me a phone number to a local substance abuse agency and now here I am, just a couple short days from going to an inpatient rehab facility. Yes, at first, I chose outpatient and the intake worker suggested I reconsider, which I did.

    I’m tired of this addiction!!!! I need my money to do more positive things with and although it didn’t take anything tragic like jail-time or something of the sort to force my decision, this drug Vicodin, is very powerful and quickly addictive.

    I was an addict before I knew it, I was buying them off the street before I knew it, I was making false doctor appts before I knew it.

    I also know something else and that is, I didn’t acknowledge I was an addict until a couple months ago and that’s after years of being stuck in my own, which I thought was a secretive, little world. More of my friends and family noticed I “popped pills” than I paid attention to. I even have one friend who is 67 years young and I admire her so and to the point that once I found out she too was stuck in the (what I call the Vicodin Abyss) I actually felt validated.

    Yes, I was afraid to admit to my addiction out loud. I was embarrassed and felt alone. After a couple days of research, I was astonished at the numbers and precentages of those of “us” addicted to vikes, oxy, morphine and just plain opiates in general.

    I now have the confidence to face my addiction head-on and no longer feet first. I can now say “we” and “us” instead of “I” and “me”. Yes, being an addict of any kind is dangerous, scary and unhealthy, but once one of us sees that light at the end of the tunnel we must believe and know in our hearts there ARE better days ahead. Whatever your light may be in this life don’t be afraid to let it shine ever so brightly.

    Well, thanks once again to Patrick and all of you.

    I hope and pray that my story too will be a Blessing to someone out there as many of yours was to me.

    Oh yeah, one more thing, I highly suggest to all of you to go out and purchase, rent or download the movie 28 Days, starring Sandra Bullock. I promise that this movie should be an athem of some sort to those of us that are addicts.

    Looking forward to being free,
    Lisa

  • Patrick

    That is great Lisa….glad you claim your addiction now and know that you are an addict. Making progress….keep us posted on how you are doing. God bless….

  • Wanna Be Free

    Hey Patrick and All of You,

    Just a quick update, it’s 10:40 pm, and I check into inpatient rehab tomo morn at 10 am. Well, of course, the night before jitters but that is only because I have only half a pill to wake up with in the morning. Yes, I’m moody as hell and really feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, instead I decided to post and hopefully afterwards be able to force myself to sleep. I’m anxious about checking in tomorrow morning but not in an an anxiety attack type way just more of can’t wait to get there and the night isn’t rolling fast enough for me.

    If I remember, I’ll try to post again before I leave in the morning. If not, just know I did go and things will be ok and because of that very optimism and the fact I look too forward to ALL that darn money I’ll be saving and can travel away from home for the holidays WITHOUT having to stock up for a few days.

    Chat with you all later and Patrick, THANK YOU!!!!

    Lisa

  • Patrick

    OK Lisa….good luck. Let us know how it all turns out. Very excited for you!

  • jesse

    hey peeps kinda new to this not the painkillers though just the admittin i have a problem trying to detox myself be almost 36 hrs i feel really bad sneezing and running to bath room alot im 21 and already addicted to something sorry if some of this doesnt make any sense havent really slept maybe 2hr of sleep tonight very like sleep sound normal to yall i want to quit my mom and dad call me pill head but guess i deserve that cause i blow alot of money on the dum stuff that now really does not work it just gets me through a day not to mention loss of the perfect girl i wish i could have her back but no i wanted the drugs sorry for the non sense im puttin on here but please if you could post back thank you greatly your post are helpin cause now i know im not the only one who is and was goin through it

  • Patrick

    Hi Jesse, that makes perfect sense what you said, we have all been there I think. If you stick it out your sleep will get better and you will also have good relationships in the future too. Hang in there, don’t use no matter what.

  • jesse

    thanks patrick it means alot long do the shakes and chills last it feels like i have the flu

  • Patrick

    Yes, the flu like symptoms will generally last from 3 to 5 days. Usually day 3 is the worst and it gets better each day from there.

    By day 6 you are out of the woods usually. This is just based on what I see in detox where I work…..

  • dubinchauvin

    i am on day 3 of cold-turkey it is verry hard especially when i think about the oh so wonderfull pills, no there not wonderfull they will destroy you. well i dunno what to really do anymore i am bord nothing to do dont feel good shits and sneezeing verry irratater but will powered woke up this morning feeling better than i have felt the last 2 days though its only day 3 so things r looking up i also put sleep ait in hydro bottle to try to fool the old thinker seems to have worked a little at a constant war in my head but im gunna win you hear that brain im gunna win

  • jesse

    well im makin it ok tryin to im goin to beat this stupid stuff i just cant stand it i cant sleep try to play games but still think about the small yellow norco dumb pill how can it do such things to our body its just crazy but there are good things that will come from this ill be clean and have money sweet right oh yea mind over matter as they say

  • Anonymous

    How can yo help the leg cramps at night ??

  • Patrick

    @Anonymous – if you are having leg cramps, you can’t get much better advice than this page right here. They have a ton of solutions for you, check it out:

    http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/707090.html

  • dubinchauvin

    patrick pls help ive been over the withdrawls quit oct 10 today is the 15 but i have no entergy what so ever what can i do

  • dubinchauvin

    forums and ppl tell me suboxone will restore the entergy but im past the wds and i dont wanna get hooked again

  • Patrick

    @ dubinchauvin – if you are past the worst of it then stick it out. No need to get put on Suboxone if you can do without. If you are tired, sleep! You will feel better soon.

    Hang in there…..

  • Anonymous

    No im trying to quit taking the pills an at night i get really bad leg cramps that wake me up at night with the cold and hot sweats .. The leg cramps have been the worse tho if i could find a way to get over that i would be ok and i was wondering is there something that everyone take for that ?/

  • Wanna Be Free

    Hey Patrick,
    OK gang, I made it through detox successfully and I am so very excited about not having to take any more vikes…..But Patrick, guess what??? After going through detox and feeling so wonderful I ended up going to the e.r. Friday night….I have an inflammed colon and I have to take tests next week so the docs can see how bad it is. I ended up with an iv drip of morphine and a script for Ultram and antibiotics…LOL, I’m still happy though and I don’t anticipate going back to the vikes in the interim I will stick to the “baby vikes”……Always Lisa

  • Patrick

    @ Wanna Be Free – Life always throws a curve ball….be careful with the Ultram, as that is some people’s drug of choice….it is still an opiate even thought it is a synthetic one. Some doctors do not believe it is addictive. They are wrong. So just be careful and good luck to you…..

  • Haley

    Well hello too all! I have taken 5 vicodins a day for 11 months. I put them down on Sunday so as of now it has been 96 hours since my last pill. The first 2 days were the worst. Leg cramps. insomnia, dirhea, the chills, and no energy. All I can say is today I am still a little groggy but I feel a little better. I have taken Tylenol for aches and pains. Ativan for anxiety, and phenigrin for nausea…I went to the doc on day 2 for iv fluids. Make sure u drink alot to or you will dehydrate. I hope by the end of this week I feel normal. I have suffered a little depresssion but in the situation I am in you would too. Does anyone know when its all flushed a gone?

  • Patrick

    @ Haley – Well the opiates will generally take about 3 to 5 days…but be careful with that Ativan, that is powerful medication and very addictive as well. But it sounds like you are doing well, hang in there!

  • Chris

    I have always had an addictive pesonality. Something inside me can’t stand the thought of going through live without a quick fix. Like I’m not comfortable in my own skin. Pain pills have always been my favorite high. At least since my first memory of that high. It was in 1990. I was 21 yrs. old and loved alcohol. So after getting all my wisdom teeth pulled, I stopped to get a six pack and get my prescription of hydrocodone filled. I really didn’t even know that you could get high from them at the time. But the pharmacist asked who the beer was for because he said I couldn’t drink on this medication. If I remember right, back then the warning on the pill bottle said ” Alcohol may intensify the effect of the pills”. That’s the last thing you want to tell an addict! So I went home and took 2 pills and washed them down with a beer. 20 min. later I was on cloud nine and the roller coaster ride began.
    Because I could only get them from doctors when I was hurt. I didn’t get very often at all. But when I did get hurt I would always say the pain was worse than it was to get as many as I could, and of course take them with alcohol. I remember using the bathroom at my wife’s cousin’s house several years ago and seeing an almost full bottle of vicodin on the vanity. The date on the bottle was 7 mo. old so oviously they didn’t need them. So I stole them. From then on any time we were at a friend or relitive’s house I looked for left over pills.
    About 2 years ago a guy at work gave me 2 tramadol and I was high as hell for about 8 hours. It was great. So I found out how to buy them over the internet and have been using them everyday since until about June of this year when I finally found a “street source” for hydrocodone because I went from 2 tramadol a day to 10 a day. So since then I have worked my way up to a $300 a week habit. I can’t afford it anymore but I work about 27 days a mo. with only 1 or 2 days off at a time. Not enough time to withdrawl. But because it is early in the mo. and the company is making us take next Monday off as a furlow day, if I take this Friday off, I will have 4 days off. It is my only for seeable oppotunity to withdrawl myself. I have been chewing up nine 7.5/750’s every morning and four more after noon.
    Today is Tuesday. It is 10:00 a.m. and I am at work. I only chewed up 7 this morning and have about 18 left. I have to work Wed. & Thurs. and have Fri.-Mon. off. Four days. Should I continue to take 7-9 pills aday or start to wean now? Should I save a few to take if my withdrawl gets to bad? I also have around 30 Tylenol 3’s. Will they help when I have aches and pains durning this process? Or will codine just make the process longer? Can someone give me some advice on how to make this as painles as possible and what to expect? Thanks Chris

  • Chris

    I just re-read my post and I don’t think I sounded like I really want to quit. The truth is I do. I tired of the game. And so is my wife. It is killing us financially, emotionally, and me physically. So I have four days to to do this. Any advice?

  • Patrick

    Hi Chris

    That is gonna be a tough detox. Taking Tylenol 3 during the process completely negates the process, because they contain another opiate. If you want to get off of opiates then you have to stop putting them in your body. That includes Ceodine.

    4 Days is gonna be tough. If I were you I would take absolutely nothing on Thursday. No opiates at all. If you do that then it will get worse on Friday and then peak on Saturday. Sunday will still be tough.

    I would take half of what you normally take on Wednesday. Just cut it all in half. Then cold turkey on Thursday. That is the best way to do it with your days off. Gonna be a tough withdrawal though, sounds like. Might be easier than you think though, it all depends.

    Anyway good luck. You might consider treatment too, if you can swing it. 3 days in detox would be helpful…..

  • Chris

    Thanks Patrick, I took your advice today. I only took half my usual dose. my brain is kind of craving more but I know I can’t give in. Do you think I should buy some imodium AD ahead of time? I have ambien. Is that safe to take? Also, in an earlier post you recomended using Motrin and Tylenol alternating every 4 hours for aches and pains. What doseages? Since I want to do this at home, what else can you tell me about food and water intake, and anything else you think will help? Like a daily schedule…

  • Patrick

    I am not sure on the Ambien, but if you do use it make sure to follow your prescription and NOT exceed the dosage.

    Motrin is 800mg every 8 hours. But, after 4 hours, you can take a 1,000mg of Tylenol. So you can alternate the 2 every 4 hours. Again, check with your doctor first, and do not exceed the dosages on the bottles.

    As for diet, eat normal, stay hydrated. Sip ice water frequently. Sleep as much as possible.

  • chris

    Hi everyone, it is exactly 48 hrs. now and the backs of my legs are aching. The dierrea hasn’t really started yet. Right now I’m sweating. Five min. ago I was freezing. I slept fine last night with ambien. Hope I sleep as well tonight. I’m bored and tired of watching tv. I’v been eating chips and candy. I might regret that. I’ll write more later.

  • Allie

    I have enjoyed so much reading everyone’s post. I am a nurse and have never had an addiction problem. However, my fiance’ does. From my experience in nursing and from what my fiance’ went through–everything ya’ll mentioned in the posts describing the withdrawal process is dead on. It does differ from person to person, but in general, you will experience many of the same symptoms. Thankfully, my fiance’ has been clean for over 6 weeks now. He even quit smoking during the same time he came off the lortabs! He looks great, feels great & is a different person altogether. He’s back to the sweet, wonderful man I feel in love with. He’s in good shape physically–built, works out, but the other night he said something so profound. He told me he finally realized that oblong pill was much, much bigger and stronger than he ever was. How sad and true that statement is! God bless each and every one of you! Good luck!!

  • Patrick

    @ Chris – Don’t count on having all of these symptoms you read about here….different people will experience different symptoms. Don’t over do the Ambien. Keep us posted. I think you can make it.

    @ Allie – Thanks for your comments and sharing your experience here. Sounds like your fiance is doing well now.

  • chris

    @Allie- Thanks for that sharing your fiance’s story. The relationship between my wife and I has been almost non-exsistant for a long time now. I hope as I learn to live without drugs I can become the sweat, wonderful man that my wife also fell in love with.
    Your post brought a few tears to my eyes, but is encouaging. I think I’m just extra emotional right now.

    @ Patrick- Thanks for that last post. You are right. I may not experience all the same symtoms I read about. I’m actually feeling much better than I thought I would. I must be honest though. Last night about 5:0clock My leg pain was pretty bad and I was cold and sweaty so I searched all my old hiding spots, found 2 500’s and chewed them up. My symptoms diminshed somewhat. But now I feel like I’m starting all over. And as you know, it’s back to work Tues. I should have just flushed them.

  • Patrick

    @ Chris – yes, you are starting all over now. You probably knew that intuitively but now you are going to really learn it on a deep level. Might be part of what had to happen for you to “get” this in the future. Good luck.

  • chris

    Hello,
    Well it’s about 4:15 p.m. Sun. Seems like the worst is over. Slept O.K. last night. Woke up around 7:00 this morning. Went out for breakfast and then to church with family. We go to a great church but I’ve been high on something every time for a long time so it really didn’t mater if I went or not. But today was differnt. It felt good to not be high.
    Went for a walk with my dog. And now I going to read a bit. I got one more day off work. That’s a great feeling.

  • Patrick

    Sounds good…hang in there Chris. Hopefully you are through the worst of it.

  • Ellen

    I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but I’m seeking advice on how to approach my husband’s usage. He’s currently out of town and just told me he took some Xanax that was prescribed to me. I didn’t think too much of it until I went to get something out of the bathroom and noticed an empty bottle of hydrocodone that was prescribed to me after my shoulder surgery 6 months ago (which was fairly full since I didn’t take it for too long). He had taken some from this bottle right after my surgery when he had a sore throat and I told him I wasn’t comfortable him doing this. He obviously didn’t concern himself with this too much since the bottle is now empty. I’m not sure if this is an addiction since I don’t know for sure if he is getting some elsewhere and how long ago he finished my prescription. (I know he was prescribed some from his doctor at that same time because of his sore throat and I can’t find that bottle now.) I’m sure he would deny there being a problem anyhow. He has occasional recreational drug use in his past that I know of. I guess I’m just seeking advice on what to say to him, if I should be concerned, and what I should be looking for if anything else. I definitely don’t like knowing he was hiding some things from me and now not feeling I can trust him.
    Thank you so much for any help you may have!!

  • Patrick

    I would tread lightly in a situation like this, Ellen. The wrong approach is to jump into a big argument about it where he gets all defensive, don’t you think?

    On the other hand, I would keep an eye on things, and be prepared to confront him and ask him about it if you keep seeing more signs. I think if you do eventually confront him, you should do it in a very caring and non-threatening way. Express genuine concern instead of hurling accusations.

    It is a tough situation if it continues to escalate, and there may not be much you can do to confront him without him getting defensive. But it might come to that eventually anyway. Good luck and if you need help or support, go to an Al-Anon meeting.

  • Ellen

    Thanks Patrick. I’ll keep my eyes open for more signs. I was also rembering just after my last comment that he does use benadryl daily. He says it’s to help him sleep. I don’t know if this information means anything and if I’m just being suspicious or actually seeing something.

    I really appreciate your help.
    (and congrats to you on your wonderful blog!)

  • Steve

    Hello Everyone,

    I have been on hydrocodone 7.5 and 10/500 ( 3 pills a day)for several years. When I run out I have many days where I can’t sleep. My body is anxious to the point I Can’t stay still enough to go to sleep. Sleeping pills just make me sleepy and I’m up miserable. I pace the floors, I go to Walmart at odd hours. It feels hopeless some days and I’m not sure what to do. I am trying other methods to stop taking this medicine but nothing else has worked.

  • Joe

    What can I say except reading everyone’s story is riveting because it is my story. I am hooked on hydro again. I have gone back and forth many times, and each time I go back, it makes getting off that much harder… but I cannot surrender to this disease. I am scared and feel trapped right now. Every time I refill my script, I tell myself it is the last time. It is primarily 7.5/500 I get 60 at a time… and have no need for them. So I have a day off… to myself, and planned on working on some projects. Instead I woke up and decided to address this nagging voice that is telling me nothing is going to get better until I quit this habit. I have lost so much. I began taking recreational drugs in HS. Most pot, but I tried and did anything. LSD, Coke, Meth, Alcohol, Robitussin. I would have these moments of clarity and tell myself I had to quit. I would sometimes be able to stop for a while on sheer will power. I also tried 12 step, but I always came back to it. Then in college, I began having panic attacks. That slowed me down considerably. By this time I was primarily just a pot smoker, but I could no longer enjoy getting high. I began associating the panic attacks to getting high. After College I landed my first real job in the field I wanted to be in, doing what I wanted to do. One day, I had such a serious panic attack at work, I almost went to the ER. Still it wasn’t enough. I very stupidly took LSD on the 4th of July with a friend. It had been years since I took it. I had a panic attack that lasted for hours. I managed to hold on… wait it out. The last straw came one day a few eeks later. I had stopped…. But still had paraphenalia. I for some ridiculous reason thought I would scrape my pipes and smoke the resin. I got another big time panic attack from that high. FINALLY, I threw all of it away and got sober. For the next 5 years I would not touch anything that remotely altered my state in anyway. Including caffiene, cold medicine etc. I still struggled with panic attacks. I rediscovered my faith during this time. I got married. My wife got pregnant, and I had my worst bout of panic attakcs ever. It was like a continuous panic attack that lasted days and days at a time with only brief reprieves. I knew what they were because my doctor had diagnosed me years earlier and put me on an SSRI. At this point I was deathly afraid of taking an SSRI, let alone anything that would change my state. It was a living hell. On top of that I began having toothaches, the result of a car accident I was in as a kid. I needed serious work done on my mouth… but again, was too afraid to go through with it. I went to see cognitive behavioral counselors for my anxiety disorder, and that didn’t work for me. Finally, I very reluctanly began taking SSRI’s again. I also had a prescription for Xanax, which I never touched. After a few weeks, the panic attacks miraculously went away! AND after five years, I took something to alter my state. I took a quater of a xanax. I had re-enrolled in school, contemplating a career change. I didn’t think I would make it, because the panic attacks would hit me at anytime. That day, I felt wonderful. The Xanax allowed me to enjoy the class. I took them all eventually. My Doc, very wisely, would not refill it. Now taking just the SSRI, I was living a pretty “normal” life. I finally enjoyed coffee and Pepsi and all the things I had deprived myself of for so long. I had began eating ibuprofen to deal with my mouth pain. After being free from the anxiety for a while, I finally went in to get surgery on my mouth. There were a series of procedures that needed to get done. Thats when I began taking Vicoden, percocet, Darvocet etc. I didn’t get hooked after the first couple of procedures… I had half full bottles of narcotic pain pills in my medicine cabinet for months and months. It was the last couple that I started taking them and for more than pain. On top of the many other problems I have had all my life, I had been struggling with ADHD. I was disorganized, always losing and forgetting things. Overcommitting myself, and then getting overwhelmed. Everytihing around me was a mess. My office, my house, my car… I could never keep things clean. The pain pills, helped me get my stuff together! I cleaned, Organized and enjoyed doing it! It was such a rewarding feeling… to be high ion these pills, and see how productive and organized I was also. I finished my second round of school with straight A’s. I switched careers. I switched careers, and we had a second child. Over the next few years, I wouod go on and off the pills. I knew I had a problem and was able to kick them a few times. My bouts of sobriety would last months at a time. I bounced in and out of 12 step programs. I help others get sober. I had success at my new job, I was promoted a couple of times. The last time I got sober, I went to my doc to tell on myself about my pain pill addiction. I told him about how they helped me to stay in top of things, and be organized. He was not at all happy with me, and had little tolerance for my addiction. He wrote me a script with instructions to taper, and referred me to a specialist with ADHD. I did taper according to his plan. After trying a ton of medications and different approaches, the doc I was refered to for my ADHD, prescribed adderall. My doc retired, and the specialist quit accepting my insurance, and sent me off with information to find another doctor to work with. Adderall requires one refill at a time, to be written out by a doctor. Somewhere along the way I got hooked up with Tramadol/Ultram. A couple of injuries later, I ended up back on Hydro. My marriage fell apart; I had an affair. There were a lot of circumstances that I don’t want to make excuses for. The fact was and still remains, that everything that has been going wrong the past few years is related to my drug use either directly or indirectly. Even those things that I had no control over… I used Hydro to numb myself from it. Now I am a part time dad of two young boys. My job is intact for now, but it is steadily getting more difficult to deal with. There is a lot to me and my personality, and my flaws… which are too numerous to account for. Nothing has worked for me in the past. My “rock bottom” was panic attacks, which got me sober for 5 years, but ruined my life in ways that I would rather be addicted than to go back to. I am weak in many ways, I am ashamed, I have this secret very few people know about. My divorce is not complete, and I can’t check into a rehab because I can’t afford it.. and I would risk losing my kids. I am still there for them now, and they need me. I am not the best dad in the world, but I take good care of them, cook and clean, do homework with them, do other things with them, take them to school and pick them up. I have half custody for now… I fear if I go into rehab, they will be with their mother all the time, and I don’t think that is the best thing for them. It all goes back to feeling stuck. I get up every day and take 45 mg of adderall (Should only take 30), 20 mg of hydro, and half an SSRI before getting out of bed. I lay in bed for an hour until the drugs kick in and I feel good. Then every 4 hours I take 15 more mgs of hydro up to 4 times a day. I average about 65 mg of hydro per day… and more APAP than I want to think about. I hate myself for being in this position. I can’t figure out a way out. I am thinking one more hard push to quit CT or an extremely aggressive tapering process… and cutting the adderall way down or completely out. I have no idea if it helps with my ADHD or not, because Hydro is in the mix. There is actually a lot more to my story, but I have written pages and pages here, and I doubt it is interesting enough for anyone to read. but if anyone has any adivce, I would love to listen. I am going to post my process here if I attempt to quit. Reading so many other people’s “Logs” has been very inspirational. I am considering the medical option (suboxone?), or Rapid Detox? But think I will most likely try to quit cold turkey again, or self taper. This sucks.

  • http://spiritualriver.com Chris p LV

    I searched,”..how to beat hyrocodone addiction and came across this page. I’m sick and tired of being a slave to this pill. It controlls my life. I work lots of hours for a large delivery company, so this is a very buisy month for us. I want to try and do it myself. I have a week vacation in January. I have been taking hydrocodone for abouth 10 years off and on but for the last 2yrs ever day anywhere form 5 to 10 pills a day 10mg. I am every afraid of the withdrawls. I’m going to taper off to 3 pills then to 2 pills then one.Then I’m going to take that week of vaca I got in January and go for it. If I can’t do it then i will look for professional help. I heard of this rapid detox in Florida, gonna look into that and see if I can afford it. I feel it will be my last hope. Wish me luck!!

  • Patrick

    @ Joe – thank you for sharing your story, very helpful for many people I am sure. My best advice is to seek help at a traditional drug rehab….I really think that will serve you better than rapid detox or trying to do it yourself.

    If you try to self taper and fail, consider treatment. Just my 2 cents.

    @ Chris – good luck with the rapid detox. It is very expensive. Look into traditional rehabs first….they are cheaper in most cases and more likely to be covered by insurance. Plus they will help get you off the meds and help you feel fairly comfortable.

    No one is totally miserable in detox. It is not that bad, really. Ultra rapid detox is overkill, in my opinion…..

  • beth

    hi! The testamonials on this site are great. Real normal people feeling and struggling what they are going through with hydrocodone. We are really wanting more! HUNGRY FOR IT!! The encouragement and the tales of continuing even without complete succsess is help full. Do you have any more? Even old ones? We have T. Grissom June 23, 2009 and forward. I havent found a site that compares to yours and would realy like everything you can give us. Maybe support help to the friends and family of ours who care too. ? Thank you.

  • J

    great website here, makes me feel like I am not alone…I have been on 10/325 mg norco since May of this year. I was prescribed it for back pain, which turned out to be a degenerative disc and a torn/herniated disc in my lower back. At first, the medicine worked great, felt really good and it made the constant pain go away. I kept refilling it and refilling it and refilling it, and never really noticed a problem til about july, thats when I knew this was a problem, I ran out of the medicine and decided to just stop taking it, HUGE MISTAKE! the w/d were so bad, i was taking about 8-10 a day at that time, so bad that I couldn’t eat or sleep, was in constant pain, worse than even before, one minute I was sweating, the next min I was cold as ice, vomiting, cramps everywhere, and the time went by so slow, worst day in my life without a doubt, thats when I opened my eyes and knew I had todo something about it, it was casuing all kinds of problems with my fiancee and myself, i finally had to tell her I needed help and that made me feel a whole lot better, i had been hiding how much i was taking..so i decided to call my doctor and tell him what was going on, here are the signs you know you are addicted, you constantly count how many you have left in the bottle, you cant wake up without taking a pill or two immediately, you start getting moody, you get defensive when asked about them, you start going online for other ways to get it, and you have withdrawals when you are out of them and then start panicking about it, anyways, i called my doctor and started the weaning off process, took 8 a day for 3 days, 6 a day for 5 days, 5 for 3 days, 4 for 3 days, 3 for 3 days, 2 for 3 days and then 1 for 3 days, this worked, i was completely off them in 3 weeks, its slow, but its the best way to do it fairly w/d free, i gave the bottle to my former fiancee, now wife and had her ration them out to me, its best to just admit it when you have a problem, her help and understanding is how i got off them…ofcourse the pain in my back doesnt go away, I relapsed…started taking 2 a day just in the morning at first, cuz thats when the pain is the worst, that became 2 in the am and them 2 in the pm, and you know the rest, i was backk at full force, worst than last time, i was taking about 12 a day again and hating myself for it, wondering how the hell this happened….again…i am weaning off again as we speak and I will never go back, its not worth it, the negatives far outweight the postiives, i was getting back side-effets too the second time, the worst being impotent, i was about to get married and I couldnt even think about sex, it was the last thing on my mind, thats when I had my moment of clarity, and now I know I will never touch them again…i guess the point of my story is that you can stop, weaning off is the best way to do it..and do it slowly, trust me, your body will adapt to the lower dosages, the first week was rough, i would get w/d symptoms every 2 hours, and was trying to space them out at least 4 hours, i expected it though, going from 12 a day to 8 a day was really hard, but I got thourgh it and am down to 5.5 aday, taking a half off every 3 days…if you are alone or hiding your addiction, it will be very difficult to quit, you need a support group and luckily my wife was there for me and she understands how awful these things are, i wonder why i was prescribed the 10mg right away though, why not 5mg, why the strongest? this is prescribed way too loosely, i have a very addictive personality and it think if i was asked anythihg, they may have not prescribed these to me, they hand these out like candy and its wrong…good luck to everybody getting off these, i can see the light at the end of the tunnel and cant wait to be free of their demonic hold!

  • Tony

    I have been on 10mg Norco for 8 years. In Dec 2006 I finally had back surgery. L5/S1 fusion and L4/L5 artificial disc replacement. Big time surgery I know. Anyway I have let the pills get way out of hand. Taking probably 7-10 per day. That may or may not be a lot but it is ruining my life. They are all I think about. I wish every day away just wanting the time for my next pill to come. They are the only thing that makes me feel fantastic and that everything is going to be fine. I know that is the euphoric feeling that traps us all but it is nice. With my wife’s help I have reduced to 4 per day. I have also promised not to doc shop anymore and I won’t. It is tough at 4 per day because all I think about is the next one. It’s like a frog trying to get across an acidic pond with only 4 lilly pads.

    So I am at 4 and I don’t know when I can get to 3 or 2. The problem is that my back and feet pain is significant and I can’t find anything else that will address it. I had a caudal epidural injection last month and nothing.

    I am glad I found this site. The good is that I can see that I am not alone. The bad is that the levels I am seeing here, I had convinced myself that they were nominal and that I was not taking that many. But reading here I am taking more that most.

  • Patrick

    Hi Patrick
    I was on this website a few months ago ,I was taking 10,500 hydrocodien about three a day i got off for six weeks then i had some pain problems and my doctor gave me the pills , i am now off on my 4th day but the depression is pretty bad how long dose it take to get out of my body I did not think that taking three a day was that bad Patrick

  • Patrick

    Hi Patrick

    Well if you are on 3 a day that is not bad necessarily, but if you are an addict who used to be hooked on them then even 1 per day will mess you up good. Once you put a little bit of the drug back into your body, then your addiction sort of turns back on. Even a small amount will send you “off to the races.”

    This is the nature of addiction. “One is too many, and a thousand is never enough,” etc.

    3 to 5 days for all the opiates to clear your body, generally (at which point withdrawal will peak).

  • Patrick

    Hi Patrick
    I am on my 8th day I just do not feel well I thought after six days i would feel better, when you said withdrawell will pick after five days what do you mean thanks Patrick

  • Patrick

    Hi there Patrick

    Yes, generally withdrawal will peak at about the 3 to 5 day mark, but that is only counting from after you took your last opiate. If you have had any opiates at all since then, even just one pill, then you have to start all over.

    So it generally takes about 3 to 5 days for most opiates to completely leave your body. At the point when they are all gone, your symptoms will peak (be at their worst, or most intense). Following that, things will slowly get better.

    Some opiates take longer to metabolize (like Methadone). Others are faster (like Mexican Brown heroin). There is a range of different half-lives for different opiates.

    Plus, individual metabolisms can vary this process too.

    Good luck. Hang in there. Sounds like you are through the worst of it.

  • Chris LV

    Back for an update, the last time I was on Dec.8 I believe. Well………… I did it, cold turkey, I’m om day 5 with no serious withdrawals. I did go through the first night of arm and leg pain along with diarrhea and insomnia for the first few days. I have been keeping my mind occupied as well and that seems to be helping. With the support of my wife and family is also a big help. Im goin to start working out to help rid my looks body of the toxins. My future looks brighter and so far 2010 is off to a good start.
    Thanks for listening and good luck to all of you who are in the battle… believe in yourself and you will prevail but you really have to want it.

  • Patrick

    Right on, Chris. Sounds to me like you are doing quite well now. Hang in there, don’t slip up now. Start on with the exercise thing, slow but steady. It will help a lot, and kick your endorphins into gear and produce real dopamine in your brain. This has helped me tremendously…..

  • Patrick

    Hi Chris
    I am on day 13 and you are right you have to really want it to kick it
    good luck you are doing well, I am going to a 12 step program it really helps me patrick B

  • Patrick

    Hi Patick
    I have been off the pain pills for 20 days but i am always tird is that normal I work out and eat healthy do you have a nother web where people send in there comments thanks Patrick

  • ChitoXL

    My Story goes… Never did Nerco before I broke my leg. I have been on Narco for about 8 month now and I feel like I cant stop. This pain in my leg just won’t go away. But When I’m on one I feel so good. I have stop drinking and Smoking Weed and now I just pop pills. After reading these storys I guess I might have to try to get off these.. Resort back to Drinking… What are the downfalls of taking Narcos? Why are they so bad for you? I’m trying to understand Why..

  • Patrick

    Chito….Norco is an opiate and they are an addictive medication, with all the dangerous and problems that come with any opiate addiction. You can develop tolerance and have other problems that come along with any addiction.

    I would take a hard look at trying to quit all drugs and alcohol too. Might need treatment to help you do it…..

  • ChitoXL

    Thanks Patrick, My doctor has already cut me off Norco so it looks like once this bottle I got is done I’m going to be done.. Got like 15 left.. I’m going to try really hard to stop taking them..

  • Dude

    I love pain killers

  • WindsorGirl

    A clinic doctor put me on Hydrocodone for a sore throat. I didn’t realize there was a problem til one time I was at a job coach session and didn’t have a spoon so I put the bottle (liquid) to my mouth and took a small swig. I felt so tired the whole day and just wanted to sleep. It was after that the problem started. It never occurred to me I had a problem until the bottle was done and I could not sleep any more. I have never had any addiction in my life except smoking and I did not realize the risks as this was just (as far as I knew) a cough suppressant.

  • WindsorGirl

    but after being awake for only 6 hrs I am ready for bed again .. and then only sleep 3 hrs and am up again and then tired after 6 hrs again. I can’t function like this! How little of this stuff gets you addicted or can you have withdrawal symptoms without being addicted? Is there any way to go through this on your own cold turkey? What helps with the constant neck and head pain when you take nothing? Is that normal too?

  • W.E.K

    vicodin gives a very nice high, but if you have an addictive personality, with little self control, it can be a real problem. I’ll take a few here and there, but I skip days. If I feel I’m over doing it I totally slow down. You definitely build up a tolerance, and fast. So chilling out with it helps in that regard too. I don’t know why it’s so frowned upon, I know a lot of people who take antidepressants, or Xanax to get through their days, this gives me that nice, warm, happy/fuzzy feeling, without being tired and makes the day go so much smoother. Again it’s really a matter of if you can exhibit self control, because I can totally see how they can be a problem if in the hands of the wrong people. Pop responsibly my friends

  • cant live like this

    i cant go to rehab. need home remedy

  • Patrick

    I wrote about that once:

    http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to-detox-at-home-from-drugs/

    Hope that helps!

  • ginger

    i have been taking 80 mgs of hydrocodone for 13 months and my docyor called me in for a pill count,well we had just gotten 7 inches of snow and i couldnt get there…i recieved a letter stating that my meds were disconrinued. no tapering off or nothing..can he do that???

  • Jess

    Hi my boyfriend has been abusing hydrocodone for over 4 yrs now! He keeps trying to get off them.. methadone only helps him for about 4 days.. then he’s right back on them… He and I both can’t go on like this! And We don’t want to lose each other over it! I need some kind of advice on how i can help him! We don’t have the money for rehab or to go seek help with a doctor! The amount he takes seems to get higher…. there is not a day that has passed that he hasn’t taken them! I am worried and scared! I really need some help!

  • Kell

    Hello…I have been on hydrocodone for about 1 year now. It started with surgery…than led to other problems such as plantar fachitis and migraines. My dr. had me on hydrocodone 10-325 and I was taking 3-4 a day. The constipation was a huge side effect for me so I took myself off it of 7 days ago. I went through the worst of the flu like symptoms the first 4 days…but I am still nauseated and feeling very depressed, and it takes a lot of effort just to get across the room (like led weights on my legs). Since I’m on day 7…am I anywhere close to feeling human again or should I expect a much longer time? Oh and I asked my family dr…she said I pretty much have to wait it out…and I certainly can’t afford a rehab.

  • http://I'masophomoreinhighschool Johnny

    I just started taking hydrocodones.. Well snorting them actually because it takes a lot less to get high. I would go through school feeling good but after about two hours after snorting a pill everything just irritated the living shit out of me . Ireally wasn’t sure why. I started feeling kind of shakey and sick between highs (because I could only snort between periods) and really felt like I was starting to change. I definately feel like taking them makes everything with my parents easier and that’s why I started taking them in the first place . I have only been using (constantly) for three days . I know it probably sounds sounds rediculous but I think I was starting to get addicted. I am going to go to school tomorrow sober and see how I feel . I’m really glad I read all this on this page because I had no clue what I was even getting in to. If you want me to stay posted just say so in a comment . I don’t want it to look like I’m trying to show off or anything. Thanks for all the help

  • Persian jade

    This narcotic is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I have been in this prison for almost six years now and encourage anyone I can not to take this drug unless you know you can excercise self control when taking this drug. Suboxone works great when it comes to withdrawl but if your like me and using suboxone to ease the discomfort when I’m out of this drug it can get worse. I will conquer this demon but as of right now I don’t see it happening.

  • Kell

    If anyone would like to know (per my last comment)…it took 10 days to come off of the hydrocodone. I had severe flu symptoms, dizzy, fatigued (like weights on my ankles), horrible depression, etc etc. I did the lemon juice and water the last 5 days of feeling awful, also put myself on D vitamins…than lots of rest…than finally I woke up and it was like I never took them before. I had to take them from surgeries, migraines etc…but I had no idea my body was getting addicted to them, almost like I relied on them without realizing it. Now I don’t even think about the hydros, and life is happy again. Good luck everyone…I’m proof that there is life after hydrocodone, and the happy feelings do return!!

  • katiesue

    I’ve been taking hydrocodone for 3 years. My first doctor prescribed me a 5mg pill plus a muscle relaxer after my back gave out. I will never forget the first day I took this pill. I could walk, cook, dance and felt no pain. I changed doctors and once I explained my chronic pain my dosage was increased to 10mg six times a day. Shortly after that I took a bad fall from a platform and really injured my back. Ended up in the ER. Nothing broken but the back pain has been present ever since. Then I developed a severe leg problem and had to have surgery. Upon being released to go home my surgeon gave me the same drug KNOWING I was already taking it for chronic arthritis pain and a bad back injury. It was at that point that I truly became addicted. I took my daily dosage PLUS what the surgeon prescribed. The leg surgery was one that left me in so much pain I thought I would die and even the huge amount I was taking only took the edge off.
    Now, months later….back to taking my normal dosage, I can’t just take the prescribed dose. I take more, then run out early. Then I hit withdrawl until I can refill the script. It’s an exhausting, endless cycle. Without the medication, the chronic pain I am in is undescribable. I’m not young. My body has failed me on so many levels. Arthritis in every joint. A bad back from the fall. A leg that will never fully heal. A hip eaten up with the arthritis. I’m lost and I’m addicted. My family is worried about this as am I. I never saw this coming. If I knew now what I did 3 years ago I would never have taken that first pill.
    To the person who said the doctor called her in for a pill count and then cut her off. THAT doctor is no doctor. That doctor is cruel and heartless and should be reported to the medical board. You don’t get a patient addicted and then drop them. First do no harm. THAT is the oath taken, yet they do, in fact do harm when they write and re-write the scripts and they do it for the perks the pharmacutical companies give them and their office staff. They are slaves to the drug companies and get perks for writing these prescriptions, leaving us, the patients to deal with the pain and expense of withdrawl.
    My taking MORE…….I own that. But not ONE of my doctors ever talked with each other. They are all linked to the same computer system and they were all told by ME what I was taking YET….out came the prescription pads for the SAME medication. Thus enhancing my probability to addiction. Now…..I’m at a loss. I think about the pill count, everyday. I run low and get anxious. I can’t sleep. I hurt all over the moment the drug wears off. The back pain alone is enough to cause one to break their teeth from clenching. I don’t want to move…….but not moving hurts also. And not just a hurt but a burning, searing, throbbing hurt like no other, as is the arthritis I have in every joint, especially my hip.
    I’m simply at a loss and don’t know what to do….FEAR of not being able to have the drug keeps me from going to rehab. Yet, as long as I take it, I know I’m addicted and will be held captive to this cycle. While at the same time knowing that without this drug….my pain level will be a constant 8,9,10 every single day for the rest of my life.

  • Laura

    I ran across this website, while searching addicted to hydrocodone. And I am in shock there are so many others like ME. I have been addicted for three years. And, It is getting worse. I am prescribed almost 200 pills a month. Plus my Boyfriend gets 60 a week. We usually still have to go thru withdrawals about once a month. – He was the one who introduced them to me, As i have degenerative disc disease, Ulcerative colitis, and Herniated disc and pinched nerve. So yeah I’m in pain for sure. I realized how much of my life this little pill gave back to me.- But now years later, thousands of pills later, I am sick of this. Sick of relying on it to be well. I can’t keep appointments, Or stick to things Im supposed to do. – Its horrible now Up to about fifteen pills a day, and If I don’t take my full dosage I’m sick. – It has caused many problems between my bf and I. And I’m just disgusted with this medicine. It is definitley not something that I would suggest or encourage anyone else to get started on, Yeah It gives you this great high at first, and then BOOM, you find yourself living for the pills.- I think that hydrocodone addiction is very under estimated, And – it is such an addictive drug. I have used meth ,cocaine, weed, and I have kicked all of that, But this i just can’t kick alone.- I really reach out and pray for all of those who are in the same boat. We have been taken by this little pill that says “Watson”.

  • Angela

    You can all get through it if you just set your mind to it. Yes, you will be in pain when you quit – but you just have to accept that. Sleep it off as much as you can – take Nyquil. It does help. I was lucky enough that the first time I went off – I started feeling really bad after 24 hours but I told myself and kept telling myself I could do this and tried distracting myself as much as possible. I took Nyquil and went to sleep that night at 7 PM and slept through the night. I woke up and didn’t feel that bad. I got over it in 2 days. My boyfriend said I was lucky. I just saw it as I am not an addictive person in the slightest and yet here I was – not myself at all – addicted to this drug. I have never even been addicted to cigarettes. I do not drink. I have no idea why this drug destroys lives but it does. People should never even take one. Doctors should not even prescribe it. It’s not worth it. Unfortunately that same week I ended up in the ER. I was in extreme pain and it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst. The doctor prescribed me Norcos for the pain and there it was back in my hands when I had just quit a couple of days before. I wasn’t even going to take it but the pain was so bad so I took one. One was all it took to get me back in the cycle again. Granted, I only took 3-4 a day – but that is still enough to get someone hooked and go through withdrawals if they stop. My significant other also took them – about 10 or more a day. That didn’t help matters either. Then life got in the way. I couldn’t quit all over again because of work and everything going on in my life that I had to do that if I quit I would be too sick and I wouldn’t be able to manage my life. As soon as I got some time off work I decided I would quit again. Well – I just quit now for the second time. I am on Day 4! Yah me! Yes, I still feel bad. I was only taking 3 a day before I quit and yet my withdrawals this time were way worse than the first time. I am not sure if I psyched myself out this time and didn’t think as positive as I did the first time or if my stomach issues are just making everything worse. Let me tell you though – I feel like these pills changed me. I felt in a fog – tired – less energetic. I didn’t feel like myself at all. It caused fights between me and my boyfriend and I have a feeling it still will because he still takes them. Doctors need to get serious about this and ONLY prescribe them to people with ACTUAL pain. And even then – only prescribe a small amount at a time. So many people who are getting prescribed this medication are selling it to others and getting them addicted. It is a painful, endless cycle. I suggest that NO ONE and I mean NO ONE ever try this drug if they have never been on it. And for those of you who are on it now – you can get through it if you put your mind to it and tell yourself you are stronger than that pill. You have to do it – for you, for your family, and to get your life back. Good luck to everyone….if I can do it, so can you.

  • Angela

    Oh and I just wanted to add – the first time I drank a lot of water, ate a lot of fruit, took tylenol as needed, took a Vit B supplement, and took Imodium for the diarrhea. That all seemed to help a lot. Oh and I will add that going through withdrawals I would wake up with a lot of pain in my hands and legs. It felt like growing pains all over again – or like I had ran so much my muscles hurt/ached constantly. Having someone massage your legs, arms,back, etc… helps a lot. I am on Day 4 and I do feel better. My mind feels clearer. I feel more like myself. I am still having some aches here and there and at times my stomach is really hurting but I am taking Ibuprofin and that seems to help. It said to take 1 but I know after taking Vicodin that your tolerance is higher and pills like Ibuprofin and Excedrin don’t work as they used to so I took 2 Ibuprofins as it said on the bottle 2 is okay to take if 1 does not work. Hopefully this will be my last day feeling any aches or pain.

  • http://anonrick.com rick

    Patrick and whoever runs this site – Thanks for the great site. I have to admit that I’ve been a relatively low dose (2-3 10/500) per day user of Vicodin for over 5 years and had convinced myself that it is not an addiction but something I needed to get me over the periodic depression and sadness and a sense of emptiness and “not good enough” that I feel sometimes. I had decided to stop taking it today and after the decision was scrolling around on net looking for sites and found this one!

    The story about the woman who’s boyfriend took 12-15 pills per day is amazing to me – how did he have sex with her? – Vicodin is no good for one’s sex life if you have one – having to time when you are “off” of it so you can “perform.” Nobody seems to talk about it on this site from what I can see. Hey don’t be shy! It must be an issue for guys. Not a way to live. In some ways it has a reverse effect in that it makes you less horny and less motivated to pursue women and relationships – which is a sick situation to be in. And when I had a girlfriend while taking Vic, I could not quite be as spontaneous sexually if I were under the effects of Vic – and that is a drag. I had to plan sex more when I was “off” it. Anyway, I went off it for a year and a half or so sometime in 2008 – I had a relationship at the time and was feeling preety good about things in general – the first few days as you say were really difficult but after a couple of weeks I was pretty much clean. Still plenty of feelings of emptiness and alienation at times (and I’m a super social outgoing person with a real need to connect with people). Don’t know what it was but some emotional void within me made me resume about a year and a half later.

    I think the tapering off idea might now be a bad idea for some, but I’m just going cold turkey, which is how I did it last time. It wasn’t a breakup per se – though we had drifted apart – my decision – but the emptiness in my life popped up again and I felt I needed a little boost.

    Anyway, the immodium to control the diarrhea is a great idea – I’ll get some today, because this was an issue for me before – I was pooping all the time and my rear end started to hurt! And I’ve been a vegetarian for many years so I already poop a lot anyway with all the fiber running through my system.

    Thanks for the great site and thanks to so many people for contributing their stories to it. Of course it is a commercial site with a toll free phone number that probably gives a kickback to the site – but hey that is internet commerce – the site still provides a great function with information. But why the hell they need my email address is ridiculous – so I gave a phony one. That information if none of your business. End of rant.

  • Patrick

    Those are some interesting issues you bring up Rick but I thank you for having the honesty to do it, since no one else does!

    You can rant all you like here Rick, I still appreciate your thoughts! And I am glad that you are looking to make some positive changes in your life. Good luck!

  • Rick

    Hey Patrick –

    Thanks again for the great site. I appreciate your comments. It is June 14 – Monday and the last 3 days of cold turkey withdrawal from Vicodin have been a difficult adjustment – but I have gotten through it and this morning I woke up feeling much more clear headed. I think I have gotten over the big hump.

    I know it will continue to be a struggle but today I am not yearning for the V-buzz like I had been over the previous 3 days. I’m much more clear headed today. I am realizing what many say – that Vicodin must do real strange things to the brain and body that we dont’ really realize. Something gets dulled deep inside when one is taking Vicodin. It is a real trap that is insidious. One good thing that I would recommend is EXERCISE – vigorous exercise – all the time but especially when on is withdrawing from Vicodin. I’ve been doing some serious windsprints on a hill near where I live on my mountain bike – heavy cardio work – as well as some beach running. This has been real helpful. I”ve always been athletic and working out has always been part of my life and it is not like I had to create a new habit – but I would urge everybody to exercise vigorously. Even more vigorously than normal.

    Another thing to help you recover is to get your life organized – clean up and organize your life and your papers and your room and your house. I spend the whole weekend doing this – even while in the “throes” of the withdrawal pangs. I’m a packrat and had let my paperwork get all out of control. This was a sign of a deeper depression and feeling of hopelessness I know. But I realized that I”ve got to get things back under control. It feels great to get a handle on my paperwork. I still have a way to go but I”m finally feeling a little more in control. Getting rid of the Vicodin is also a great indication of getting things under control and not being “victimized” by dependence on some outside drug.

    Last thing – Patrick I hear that you recommend getting involved with a support group. I tend to shy away from this out of embarrassment or out of denial that I need help (though i really do) – I did a quick internet check and saw some AA stuff but no “narconon” or similar local stuff where I live. I’ll call around – but I personally can’t relate to alcoholics anonymous – or alcoholics in general – and what I perceive to be that scene – perhaps it is all related to substance abuse – but I associate alcoholics anonymous meetings with chain smokers who substitute cigarettes for alcohol addiction – and cigarettes are SO disgusting to me – I can’t relate to anybody to does that to themselves. I am fit and athletic and fanatic about my diet – lots of alcoholics abuse there bodies in so many ways it appears. Sorry but that is my perception. I know this is judgemental but so be it – that is my perception. I’ll look around. But this column so far is my only “support group” because quite frankly I haven’t discussed my Vicodin usage and withdrawal with anybody in person – which I know I should do for my own mental health and personal growth – and in order to really feel supported in my continuing struggle. I’ll make some calls and I’m sure I’ll find something that is perhaps not listed specifically on the internet because connection with others personally who are going through this would be good for me.

    Anyway, that is my two cents – got to go – Best regards.

  • carmen

    Hi there O MY GOD!!!! Iam not the only one who’s addicted to hydros iam 22 yrs old I’ve been addicted to them since I was 17 why because I got married and was having problems with my husband and my dad was getting hydros for his back and left he left them in the restroom ever since I haven’t stopped I been taking 4 a day and now iam taking 2 to stop my addiction iam just scared of dying cuz of getting scirrosis liver damage I’ve been going to church and I don’t want to go to hell because of my addiction iam scared and I got my sister addicted with me cuz she would always ask why I was always happy and I told her because of this pills now we share pills and it gives us energy to work and to clean the house and plus it gets us HaPpy but we want to get off the pills we don’t no what to do!?!?

  • Kel

    Hey all of you that think your taking alot. Listen to this. My husband got on Hydrocodone 10/325 almost 3 years ago now. He has chronic back pain and at the time he got on them, I would only take them casually for fun and to feel buzzed. As time went on I started having trouble with my teeth. I had over 6 teeth that needed to be pulled and they hurt all the time. He would give me the pills to help with the pain. Well the more I took, the more I needed. Then I started stealing them from him. We would fight and have all sorts of problems over the pills. His pain Dr. switches him every few months from the Hydro to Oxycodone so he doesn’t build such a tolerance. Well, I would take those too.
    About 6 months ago I went to a dr. to get my own script since he was sick and tired of giving me all of his and he was always running out every month because I was always taking them. I do have some joint pain, but I’m 31 years old I don’t need opiates for it. I convinced my Dr. I was in bad pain so I got them. So my Dr prescribed me 90 of the 7.5/500 to take 1 tablet 3 times daily as needed. Well, I’d been taking the 10’s all along so these were nothing. My first script of 90 was gone in about 4 days. I took an average of 20 pills a day until they were gone. I’m a wife, a mother, and also a medical professional. Luckily I’m not so bad that I don’t steal them from my job, which is good, but I’m having such a hard time getting them out of the routine of my life. I need a pill to get up, a pill to go to work, or to get ready to go anywhere!
    I recently stayed at a friends house for 3 days and completely detoxed for those days. I didn’t sleep barely at all, but when I came home I felt like a new person. I was ready to get back to my old self and be motivated to live a clean life. Besides no appetite and some aches and pains, I felt really good, but my body was exhausted. My husband had the Oxycodones so my second day home I convinced him to give me just 1/2 so I could rest. Then the next day it was time for my script to be filled. I had my Dr.s office fill them and my plan was to give them to my husband so he could have sum if he needed to take them. Or if I really needed them I would have great self control and take them 1 every 8 hours like they are prescribed. That didn’t even last the day. Before the day was out I’d take almost 5 and was so mad at myself for doing that, that the next day I started taking 2 at a time. Now today I’ve taken over 15 I think…I lost count. I just threw up in the trash can while my kids are sleeping. I don’t have the money to go to rehab and I’m a very strong individual, I don’t know why this is happening to me!!
    Before all of this I could take anything receationally and never got addicted. I give him my pills so I won’t eat all of them, but I still hound him or fight with him to get them. I don’t want to leave my family again or go away and I know that I can do this, but even when I’m clean and sober he will be on them for the rest of his life.
    Should I just pack up and move away from him? I don’t know how I’ll ever get off of them, when he has them. I love him, but he has mood swings from them too. I’m so scared of what might happen if I keep going like this. If anyone had any advice please help!!! I really need it!

  • Chris

    Kel,
    Sounds like we both are in the same boat. Pill popping for me started a few years back when I was at work. A co-worker had given me some percocet 10/500 basically whenever I wanted. Back then it was great cuz being able to take 1 or 2 to get a buzz was great. Well for about a year my tolerance had progressed and I was buying pills from whoever I could. At this point im taking 5-6 pills at one time to get high or feel good. But as this all is going on my girlfriend has gotten into them. Now she has a lot better control than I do with these things, unlike me when I have them they will be gone a short time after. We are constantly fighting over money, the lack of it as well as not having pills. I’ve also tried doctor shopping and just found the same results with everything I would do. I have been getting 120 7.5/325 lortabs a month now for 6 months. Ill have them gone in about 5 days. Thats a joke. I will sit back and view how my life has turned out and its a joke. I can’t do this anymore, but its very hard for me because when I run out and she has them I too will ask her or sometimes just take them from her. I love her, we both need help, but I feel its time to stop the BS. I’m tired of being frantic with making sure that I have pills to entertain my addiction. Its about 24 hours since my last high and at this point I for one really dont see any other choice but to put up with it and try to beat it. I came across this site today looking for tips on managing hydrocodone withdrawels and this site has been super inspiring.

  • Kel

    Chris-
    I came home over 2 weeks ago after staying at my friends house and detoxing. I actually went for about 4 days with nothing and I felt so good!! I almost felt back to my old self. I think I could have done it really, but it’s the routine I have to break. When you take a pill to do just about anything, you have to start living your life without it being in your routine. I tried so hard to stay off of them, and actually felt really good. I couldn’t really sleep though, about 8 hours total in 3 days. But that was ok, because I had energy. Then I thought I could just take 1 or 1/2 every few hours to see if I could feel anything. That shit doesn’t work! Once you start taking them again, you just start all over again. I got my script again..shouldn’t have done that!! Usually 90 would last me 4 days, but this time only lasted 9. I guess it’s a little better, but still bad!! I’ve been tapering off and doing well with it, until today. A friend had borrowed some of mine and when I ran out, they got theirs filled today and gave me back what they borrowed. Now it’s 3 am, I’m up chain smoking and took 15 10/500mg throughout the day. I’m such an ass!! I’m ganna feel so shitty tomorrow, I’m afraid I won’t wake up!! I’m ganna beat this no matter what though!! I might have a bad day like today, but I only have 5 left now to try and tape off. I’m ganna do this and get my life back! It’s all about “will power”. I used to like to ride bicycle’s when I was a kid. I think I’m going to get one to try and break some of my routine of taking pills. I’ll post stuff on here and let you know how I do. If your having a hard time, let me know. Maybe I can help you. Just knowing your there has helped me. Thanks.

  • Stephanie

    Hi,
    I have read every post on this site and it has made me just want to get off my story off my chest and to stop taking pills so bad.
    My Story- Sorry it’s so long and descriptive. I just have not talk to anyone about it and need to just get it out there.
    I am 22 years old and I started taking Hydro’s back in 2007. I was 19, just about to graduate college and just got a good job being a front line cook in a big restaurant. A friend of mine had a few loratabs and we just split a 7.5. I could not believe at the time that there was a pill that can make you feel good by just taking half of it. A couple years before that I smoked weed here and there and one day I just decided to stop, but this led to smoking cigarettes. So I figured this pill was the coolest thing in the world. I ended up taking them for about a year on and off. I would say maybe just 10 a month. Nothing big, just when I partied. I was out of college and in my party phase.
    In December 2009 I became pregnant at age 21. I was engaged and so happy. I had a really stressful and hard pregnancy. My baby cut off my right Ureter making my right kidney almost shut down. This caused me to have severe kidney infections and Hydronephrosis, this is when you have bad spasms of your kidneys. I was about 28 weeks when this all started. I started going into the hospital once week because the pain was so bad. The doctor ended up putting me on loratabs. I didn’t think anything of it at the time because I never had any problems taking them before. Well they really didn’t help with the kind of pain I was having. At this time I was sticking to the prescription to a T because I was so worried that it would hurt my baby. I ended up having a kidney stone the size of a pencil eraser. At about 32 weeks my right kidney was completely shut off and I ended up not going pee for 48 hours. The pain was so bad I ended up going into labor. I was admitted to the hospital for five days, on fluids and this drug called nubain which the baby had to be monitored because it is a strong shot that made me feel like I was floating. I was also on shots to make the labor stop that made me shake so bad. I forget the name of them now. They put a stint in my right ureter, which hurt so bad when I had to pee it spasm. I started dilating at 35 weeks. This entire time I was on loratabs 7.5’s and in and out of the hospital every other day. You should see all the hospital bracelets I saved. They ended up removing the stint and took me off the loratabs at 36 weeks so the baby would not be born addicted to them. I still kept going in and out of labor. When I was almost 38 weeks and the baby was measuring about 40 weeks, I begged them to just take her out because I could not stand the pain. They said no. I was so tired of it all. I ended up going into labor at exactly 38 weeks and they told me if it lasted more than an hour they would give me pitocin to speed it up. After only six hours of labor for a first time mom, I ended up having a 8 lbs 2 oz baby girl. I was so happy!
    After all that they put me on Loratabs again. I had bad back problems from having back labor so many times when I was pregnant, I had to see a pain specialist. I still had a tone of kidney problems and had more kidney stones after words. At this time I was taking about 5-6 pills a day. I ended up slowly quitting and stayed off of them for about a year.
    In September last year I started having bad pains in my right side and found out I had a bad appendix. They put me back on loratabs for about two months and I had my appendix removed. I felt so good at this point. I have a great job, where I make good money, my daughter was one and my fiancée and I were doing ok.
    In February this year I was switch to a later shift, 11:30 to 8 pm. I started getting depressed and stressed out more and more at my job. I started having problems in my neck from sitting at the computer at my job and being so stressed out. I also had knots suffocating the nerves in my neck so bad every night when I went home I wanted to cry because I was in so much pain. I ended up going to physical therapy and seeing a pain manager and was once again put on loratabs.
    This is when the problems started happening. I started abusing the loratabs. I started on 7.5s and was prescribed 120 for a month. I ended up taking, and sharing them and they were gone in a week. I was shocked. Then I stared trying to find them any way I can. My doctor ended up lowering my dose to 5.5’s and I was taking about 8-10 of them a day. Nothing was helping my neck pain and I became tolerant to the pills so they did not even help.
    Recently I have been running out and starting to go through withdrawal and I would find a couple to just make me feel better or to get me by for a few days to stop the withdrawal feeling. I am twice as depressed and I starting to hate work and not wanting to go anymore. My daughter is going to be two next month and it is hard to chase after her feeling the way I do. My fiancée and I are always fighting because I am always stressed and on edge and worrying about work and if I am going to have a pill to calm me down. He also has diabetes and he’s starting to get worse. He hurts everyday because of his diabetic neuropathy. He stays home with the baby and nothing ever gets done in the house. This just adds to the stress even more. I am not trying to blame him though.
    I have decided today I want this to stop. I called my doctor and made an appointment for tomorrow to ask for something for my depression and stress and to see if there is something they can give me for the withdrawal. The last time I had a pill was a 10/325 loratab on Tuesday. I came home from work yesterday and called in to work today. I feel so sick and don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t just sleep this feeling away I don’t have time. That’s why I hope my doctor will help me tomorrow and see this as a cry for help. If he doesn’t I’ll just have to get my next script, just so I can make this feeling go away. I am down to 2.5’s on my script and I take about 5 a day. If my regular doctor does not help, I am able to fill my loratab script tomorrow if I need to.
    I want to get off of them and be able to just come home and start planning my daughter’s birthday party. Even right now I am shaking, feel light headed and nauseas. I haven’t really at a full meal the last two days because I have no appetite, and I haven’t had a chance to sleep or relax either. I would appreciate if someone could read through my story and please give me some advice if you have any. I will update tomorrow with what happens at the doctors.
    Thank you so much
    Stephanie

  • Stephanie

    So I went to the doctor and she gave me zoloft but nothing for the withdrawal. She told me to call my pain specialist. So guess what she said. just take another pill if you start feeling withdrawal. I was so upset because why would I take more if I want to get off of them. She is crazy! She will not give me anything for the withdrawal. I am about to go nuts.
    I called my regular doctor back and she said she will see what she could do. I know its probably nothing. I have no pills left and I took another day off of work because there is no way I can work like this. I dont know what to do. Please advise…
    Stephanie

  • John M

    I had been taking 10.5-40 mg/per day of hydrocodone for the past 2 years. My stash began to run low last week and I was SO tired of trying to make sure I had enough to function for work, after work, hangovers, dates, etc.. So I cut down to half a pill every other day starting last Monday. Wednesday night and Thursday were pure, living HELL. The diarrhea, sweats, aches and sleepless were the worst. I was completely bed ridden on Thursday, unable to even go outside. I kept drinking Gatorade, taking 800 mgs of Ibuprofen every 4 hours, drinking Pepto-Bismol.. occasionally half a xanax and a hit of pot and I feel 90% better today, which is Friday! I still feel groggy and have cravings, but I can face the day and have my energy back! I’m done with that mess, F*CK that evil little white pill. Hopefully by Monday, I’ll be back to my old self without any more dependence. I was reading all of these testimonials in bed yesterday on my phone and that’s really what got me through this. My withdrawls were relatively short, so it depends on the person. Hang in there people, you can do this.. you just have to fight every second, minute, hour and day.. then start working it out of your life completely. Good luck!

  • Patrick

    @ Stephanie – I would try to detox in a drug rehab setting, where they can use medication to ween you down from the opiates (Suboxone).

    Your doctor might prescribe this to help you but I sort of do not think they can just give you a little bit. Either you are on it for maintenance or you take it for pain, but I doubt your doc would give you 10 or 20 pills of the stuff. If he did then you could detox yourself by taking decreasing amounts of Suboxone every day. This is best done in rehab under a doctor’s orders, however, based on your specific withdrawal symptoms….

    Good luck.

  • Stephanie

    Patrick,
    Thanks for the advice, but my doctor does not want to help me. I ended up just sleeping all day and took another pill a lil bit ago. Thats what she told me to do. I just don’t want this feeling or to be on them anymore. I just dont understand her, wanting me to take more when I dont want to. I guess I am going to start looking into rehab hospitals but I just dont want to lose my job if I end up being in rehab for a lil bit. I also hate feeling like this around my 2 year old.
    I do feel better now but I know its just the pill talking.
    Thanks
    Stephanie

  • Jkk

    Hi, I have a pain med addiction i was in denial for the past 6 months or so.. Because i take a small amount everyday i didnt believe it was a big deal or would be hard to quit, i kept telling myself i would stop soon.. My dad was very sick and me and my kids and husband moved in to take care of him, They helped me stay awake to work and take care of him.. well he passed away in april and i found out i was preg in may.. Now I cant stop i usually have a 30 mg pill and take half of it total thru out the day a little here and there.. It is the 1st think i think about when i get up i feel like i wont be able to get up and get anything done or even function if i dont take some.. Please help me im 14 weeks now and i cant imagine hurting my child, i refused to even drink caff. with my other pregnancys now look at me! My husbamd knows i take them “occasionally” like once every three weeks he thinks for my pain but he has no idea i have not gone with out something everyday for over a year and a half!! He is very against me even occasionally taking them i want to tell him but im scared.. Any advice on stoping i want to stop as soon as tomorrow!!But what will i say to my husband? What about work if im so sick?

  • Patrick

    @ JKK – I know honesty is usually the best policy, but if I were in your shoes I think I would go cold turkey and deal as best I could, if you get sick you get sick, it will probably be mild flu-like symptoms. Take a few sick days, whatever. Get through it.

    Or get honest, say you need help, you want detox in a rehab. Go check in for a few days. Five days will get you feeling good without anything. Three days will be cutting it close. Just my opinion based on what I have seen working in a detox unit for almost 5 years now and treating opiate addicts every single day…..

    Good luck.

  • stephanie

    well after reading all your comments i know im in for a long 4 days. me and my partner have been addicted to norcos for several years now. when i got pregnant with my son i stopped cold turkey and after i had him i started again for the past 2 years. we get 120 of them a month and they are gone with in 3 days. i love taking them but im tired of taken them. i 3ant to and im going to do this i cant tapper off cuz if i have them i will just take them all so im starting tomorrow i have 3 left and im way determined this time.

  • Stephanie

    Patrick,
    I am actually on my 5th day without them. the last time I posted I had a couple left. I ended up getting one suboxone from a friend. I have made one last till today. I have been taking just little bits here and there, only when I felt like I needed a hydro bad. I feel so much better being off of them. I see my pain specialist on the 29th and not sure what she is going to say or do next since my neck pain is the worst it has been since I started seeing her. I think its only because I have stopped taking the hydro’s. Well I will let you know how it goes.
    Stephanie

  • J

    Here’s my situation, I have been taking Lortab for about 4 years now. I have had back pain since I was about 20 years old I’m 24 now. I started self medicating taking 2- 7.5 mg a day for about the first 2 years, then I ruptured 2 disks in my back and my doctor put me om 4- 10 mg a day for about 4 months before surgery and 4 months after the surgery. The biggest problem I have is I diddnt quit taking them after he quit prescribing them to me. I have not been out of pain since the surgery and continued taking them even though the pain was minor enough for advil or somthing OTC. I continued taking between 2-4 7.5 mg a day and now I have 3 ruptured disks and one degenerated bulging disk and I am in severe pain and can’t keep myself from taking the damn pills. I have applied for disability( unemployed and no insurance) I am in need of another surgery but will be at the very least 6 months from now. I am at a loss of what to do. I am tired of taking lortab but I am having problems stopping meds. My pain is outweighing my determination to quit taking the meds. Should I continue taking the meds until I get my back fixed or try and deal with the pain and withdrawal?

  • http://N/A Joseph David

    Reply to Joe posting #89..

    “How are you?”

  • Tego

    I am going to read all of these posts and I think I will be inspired to tell you my story.

  • Addicted Professional

    This may be the website that saves me from this crazy addiction and in turn saves my life and my career before they start to fall apart. I had my first experience with lortab about 10 years ago after a knee surgery and really liked the way it made me feel, enough that is scared me. I was in college at the time and never really thought about it again. After college I went immediately to my post graduate training and had a very unfortunate illness that almost took my life(…Praise God! I ended up well and back at home, healthy). I was on many medications after this lengthy hospital stay including lortab for pain. It worked great for the pain and I never noticed any euphoria, etc….that is until the pain was gone one day and I decided to take on anyway. I was hooked starting that day..this was over 8 years ago. I didn’t start using them regularly at that time, but I knew if life got to crazy…that would be the drug I would struggle with.

    ***This is really boring…but I want people to know that this can happen to anyone…I certainly don’t fit the mold I used to have I what I thought a drug abuser looked like. Just some background of who I am, or this is how I am seen: I am the girl next girl. I am cute, I am sweet, even into my 30’s I am still looking pretty good! I am from a small town and married my high school sweetheart. I was valedictorian, went to college, graduated top of my class, went out of state for post graduate training…4 years later finished all training, developed the job I always dreamed of, making more money than I ever thought possible for myself. I married 7 years ago to a wonderful man…my highschool sweetheart. I have two beautiful children, 1 and 2 years old. My family is amazing. I worship God and Jesus, my savior. I go to church every week. My family holds hands a prays at each meal. Get it? That is where the stereotype ends….back to the real stuff..

    So after that, the real addiction started during pregnancy with my first child..migraines prompted a prescription for lortab (couldn’t use the imitrex during pregnancy). I had maybe 3 migraines the whole 9 months, but took about 30 lortabs, knowing that at that number no harm would come to my baby. This type of use continued and eventually slowed down, until my next pregnancy, same thing happened again and by the time I delivered my second baby I was taking them up to 1-4 times per week. Afraid that she would withdraw after delivery I continued to take them like that for another month or so (being excreted through my breast milk) before quiting almost completely. Then I quit nursing…for the first time in 4 years my body was my own and I started taking the lortab 5’s maybe 5-6 per week…blah blah blah….escalating to now taking Lortab 10’s up to 12-14 per day. Yikes!! This story got ugly fast. No one knows. I can’t tell ANYONE. I have even injected a few times some other opiod drugs. I finally found someone I work with that I could tell. She was SHOCKED. I told her how I wanted to get off and she agreed to help me. This was about 5 months ago. I am not making a lot of progress, obviously. She can pretty much get unlimited Rx for them, and does, and dispenses them to me…but she will give me extra most times when I ask. I could pretty much get whatever I want as well. I quit for one week about 10 months ago…it wasn’t fun, but wasn’t that bad. The addiction has gotten much worse now. I wake up with withdrawals every morning if I take the last one too early before bed. Don’t ask about my bowels, I used to go 5 times per day…now maybe once per week with laxatives. I am always tired. My job is demanding, but I think I am more tired than that. I don’t have energy to play with my precious children. I take good care of them and watch them play…I want to interact and be a fun mom. My son who is two has even made comments like, “Mom, you gotta take another bubble?” (bubble is our word for medicines.) Reading other comments I think has really motivated me to go for it. I know how to do it. I was trying to do it painfree, but there is always a stash somewhere or a relative who gives me there extras bc they know I get a migraine rarely and are just being nice…always something. Or maybe this week is going to be too stressful to do it, or some other lame excuse. I work about 80 hours per week and don’t have any time to take off to withdraw at home (plus if I am not at work, I am alone mothering two babies…which is just as demanding). I think I am going to go for it. Before I got in bed 5 hours ago I took 3 lortab 10s and 2 -8mg hydromorphones (and couldn’t go to sleep!)…I am going to do a rapid taper to be off by Thursday and make the Thursday morning my last one. Just 3 10mg lortabs on Tuesday, 2 on Wednesday and then one on Thursday. I think I am really going to go for it. I am going to alternate tylenol and motrin every three hours. I am going to enjoy my bowels moving and when it becomes a problem start on immodium. I am going to end each day with a bad of IV fluids (from a good fried who won’t ask questions). I am going to have plenty of coffee and energy drinks on hand and lunesta and ambien for sleep. Maybe this will help, posting this. I know no one will probably read to the end of this post b/c it is long and boring…but I think it will be helpful for me to think someone else is pulling for me and might ask me if I did it. I hope so. Maybe someone else out there is like me and this might help just to know you are not alone.

  • Ellie

    You guys are incredible! I too never thought I would fall into the “addict” category but I’m starting to think I might. I’m not hoarding, and I’m not finding drugs illegally (not that you all are), but I’m not doing “classic” addict behaviors, but I’m starting to think I’ve crossed over to the addicted side. I do medicate for pain but I think it’s become more than just that. I’m still not over-the-top I think I take 4 or 5 a day at MOST but that’s a lot for someone like me who is tiny and affected pretty quickly. I can see the habits of an addict in me and so I’m trying to figure out if I’m an addict or just truly medicating for pain. But you guys give me hope. I’m so inspired by the courage you guys are all showing by making the choice, but quitting and battling it for you. Congrats to you guys!

    As for you Addicted Professional, I read the entire post, I’m pulling for you! I wish I had people pulling for me, but I’m not there yet. I haven’t decided to make the change, and that’s the first step. I’m not on as much as you and while I have a prescription that can be refilled, that’s about the amount of access I have, no extra benefits or people helping give me drugs. I would love to see you succeed because it gives me hope that I’d be able to when I made that choice. I really want you to get clean, for you and for your kids. I know I wish I had a reason to quit. Someone who I needed to take care of, or someone who loved me (who I could tell) who wouldn’t be disappointed that I’d gotten addicted, but for me I don’t have enough self-worth right now to fix myself. I don’t have enough people “pulling” for me to whom I can admit what I’ve become. So I’m pulling for you because I can’t for myself (at least not right now). Please keep us updated. I wish the best for you! I admire your courage and strength to try. You can do it!

    Have any of you heard of or read “Pill Head” by Joshua Lyon? It’s about a pill addict. It’s really interesting. To me it’s interesting because it’s maybe my small wake up call that I’m more an addict that I thought I was. Maybe that’ll help me stop before it’s too late. Anyway, I’m amazed by those of you who are fighting the addiction and I admire you all for it!

    All the best to everyone

  • Addicted Professional

    Thanks Ellie! I appreciate the support. I am a tiny little thing also, 5’2″, 100 pounds! Can you believe how much I can tolerate! I can take 50mg of hydrocodone at one time and feel nothing other than normal! Monday night I took some before bed and went until noon yesterday without, I felt pretty crumby with headache and chills and took one at noon and immediately felt normal when it kicked in. I took one last night. So…only two for yesterday and I am going to do the same today!

    Ellie…you should try changing your meds around if you really need it for pain, don’t get into the situation I am in…it is so tough…I wish I would have quit before it escalated to where I am now. Do it for yourself. You sound like a strong intelligent woman..you don’t need to do it for anyone but yourself! We could go for it together!!

  • andie

    Well, I have read through all of these sotries. It’s encoraging to me to know I am not the only one who has had these issues. I went to a program for 20 mos. didn’t even smoke. About 3 weeks ago, i got an oxy from an old friend…not really. I have been taking 20-40 mgs. since. I have 14 left andwork full time, go to school fulltime and have 3 teens. I am so disappointed and I know that if I don’t stop now…it’ll get worse. I have had w/d’s so many times. It’s horrible pain and I can’t miss school or work. I know that I have to start going to NA or a support group for addicts. It’s hard to believe that after all the withdrawls, pain, hurting others, and 20 mos. clean I’d ever touch a pill again. Please pray for me. I need to do this and move on. I pray for you all and hope we never touch another pill. It only starts with 1. God bless you all.

  • Ellie

    Addicted Professional,

    Wow, you are tiny! You make me seem HUGE! I can’t BELIEVE how much you’ve tolerated! Good for you for yesterday!! That’s incredible!

    I know I need to figure something else out for my pain but (like I need to tell anyone this), it happens to work. Without I’m taking Motrin IB ALL day long, or any other otc drug and I haven’t figured out what’s worse, tons of OTC or Vicodin. My life is so out of whack right now, it’s hard to find the courage to quit. I’m tapering off or trying or finishing my fill or whatever, and convincing myself I won’t refill my prescription, but when things get so hard and I want to disappear into the fog (constantly), it’s hard to not refill the script.

    Andie, finish your 14 oxy and do what you can to walk away. Hang in there!

  • Addicted Professional

    You can do it Ellie!! Have you been on any other prescription meds? Do you think you might have some underlying depression (some depression meds REALLY work for pain)? Just curious…I want you to have the courage to try to quit I didn’t do as well today, biut I had 2 pills today and plan to take one around midnight….then one in the morning and I am done (i am thinking about have one and really breaking it up to take over the weekend…maybe fullfil the habit of always popping a pill and maybe be enough to have a slightly more gentle withdraw. I AM SO SCARED!! I think I am probably going to fail. I am so weak. I will let yall know how I do tomorrow. Will text from work when the withdrawal starts. Good Luck to all!!

  • Ellie

    Hey AD,

    I actually have done depression meds for pain well and depression, they didn’t really work. Here’s what’s wrong with the system, the good pain killers that work but don’t cause addiction cost nearly a hundred dollars, the vicodin, 10. Anyway, small rant. Now it turns out I’m bi-polar. So I’m working with new meds. I’m hoping that maybe part of the addiction will go away when the bi-polar meds start working the right way though I know that’s not what’s causing the addiction. Right now the list of meds I’m on is slightly terrifying, at least for me when I sit down and really think about it. I never expected I’d turn into an addict, mild or otherwise… I really want to stop, I know I need to, but saying it is easier, well you guys know that. I think I just need to get through this period in my life… then again don’t we all say that?

    Enough about me though. I’m hoping your weekend goes well. Keep us updated. I really hope it’s painless for you as much as possible. Again, let us know it’s going.

    All the best,

    Ellie

  • http://cntdalton@yahoo.com jake

    Came across this site, trying to beat my hydro addiction. Since this past saturday, I have been taking suboxen. Just a little crumb! I feel terrible, sweating like crazy, not eating. Light headed a little, stomach was upset, but I took something for that. Today Wed and its been 4 days off terrible flu and sleeping alot. Thinking now just not taking the suboxen, since it was such a little piece. Any comments will help!! Thank You!! Oh yea, working during this as well. Just couple hours a day though!

  • sarah

    Great site and comments. I am currently on day 4 of no Norco.

    I’ve had 2 knee surgeries in the past 3 months, second one being open knee for a bone graft. Right after that surgery, I was in so much pain that I am not really sure how much I was taking. Did a combo of Percocet and Norco. Now that I’m walking I’ve cut back from 6 Norco a day in April, to 2 a day last week. Monday was day 1.

    No withdrawal symptoms until about 3PM. There was a great comment above that said it felt like your body is going to explode from the inside out. Very cranky and feeling physically drained. Drank a lot of wine just trying to forget about the withdrawal. Restless, nearly sleepless night. Day 2, more of the same. Took some Motrin PM to fall asleep. Day 3 (yesterday), I felt like it was finally starting to pass. Around 11PM, had feelings like hot flashes and became extremely nauseated. No vomiting, but I forced down 2 Motrin PMs and slept. This morning, was actually able to get up at 8AM (typically on Norco, I would wake up around 10). Exploding from the inside out is gone, no hot flashes, but am feeling creepy-crawlie type skin and some body aches.

    All in all, I’m glad I didn’t ask for any more from my doctor. I have done Vicodin withdrawals before, but those times I was only on it for a week max. After every detox is over, I feel immensely better and return to being myself. I think everyone who kicks it should be proud of themselves (I know I am) because getting off opiates is hard. Good luck to everyone.

    And thanks again for the site.

  • Izz

    I’m not addicted but I have a problem with tabs/ opiates.
    My boyfriend is an addict and tries to hide it, he denies taking them if confronted, but buys 20 or so every other day.
    I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know how to bring it up or wat to say/do when he clearly won’t admit he had a problem and doesn’t want help.

    It’s making me hate him because he’s keeping it from me. But anybody with a set of work g eyes cab see he has a problem. He never has mmoney to do anything and lately he’s always sick.

    How do you help someone who doesn’t want help?

  • Ellie

    AP, How was your weekend?

    I have been so sick, so I stopped taking anything and everything, except for OTC things to help with being sick. But now that I’m somewhat better, I can’t help but fight the urge to go back to my “normal” pain management things. Since I’ve been throwing up and laying in one spot for about a week, everything hurts. Of course this all sounds like withdrawals but I really was sick and if couldn’t have been withdrawal sick because taking things was making it worse when I was sick. It’s so tough! And so not fair! I want to just take something and be pain-free like I am when I take a vicodin and a soma. But I feel like if I am on “the mend” if I do take something, even though it will take me out of the excruciating pain, I know I won’t be doing myself any favors. Why can’t regular OTC things work like the stupid addictive drugs?? :(

    Anyway enough about me. How is everyone else?

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi everyone,I know i have A big problem with painkillers I have been taken them since about 2004.I want these things everyday when I open my eyes in the mornings A pain pill is the first thing I’m thinking of.And if I’ve got one or two I’m the happiest person you could ever meet,but if I don’t have any it is hell on my whole family.I am 38 yrs. old I am a wife,And A mother of two wonderful daughters,I stay ashamed of myself all the time but at the same time I’m going to get these damn pills no matter what.I will spend my last dime on these pills and at that time I don’t even care what we may need at home.But,I also have A bigger problem my husband,He actually gave me the first ones I ever took.Until eventually guess what, I take way more than he does.I don’t go to the doctor for them I buy them off of the streets.My god everyone has them and are taken them.I have A big problem and I don’t know what to do about it.My husband takes them as well.If we don’t have any or haven’t had any for A day or so,I’ll get in my head and say I’m not going to take anymore,And by this time I’m usually pretty sick and in really bad shape.And instead of my husband supporting me he will call me such things as an addict.When all in all he takes as many as I do just not as fast.He will ask me whats the problem can’t you live life without A pill But,yet hes doing basically the same thing.If we are without and I don’t say anything about looking for any he will ask me where we can get some pain pills.And of course if I know I’m not going to have to fight to get them,i will go and find them and then when I do,my husband gets mad because I found some.So,please tell me what I should are can do to get over A problem like this.Because if I don’t have them I’m crying and angry with everyone.And then when my children ask me mother,what is wrong my husband will wait for me to leave the room and tell them your mother don’t have any Medication.Which this really hurts my feelings because,I am so ashamed of my girls knowing something like that about their mom it really is disgusting.My children hate all of my friends are so called friends and I don’t blame them.I can be sitting here without on my second day and my phone will ring off the hook.And it will be people wanting pills or selling them,so know matter how hard you try to keep pills off your mind it is impossible.When I don’t have them I say i want to quit but,then I will find some and I’m so happy.and then to top it all off i lost my best friend to pill overdose on Memorial weekend and she left behind three children the youngest only ten.I am so scared of this happening to me and most importantly putting my babies through something like that it’s horrible because,i see first hand of what it has done to my friends children.I have to see this everyday and her youngest son is the one that found his mother.And you would think after going through something like that with your best friends kids and family you would open your eyes and live right.But,I can’t seem to do this.I’ve never had any kind of A addiction and said i never would i used to be the type of person that could do something and never go back to it again.But,I see now that I was wrong.I only wish i knew how to stop taking pain killers.I’m not and never have been in any kind of pain so,it truly is just an addiction with me right.But,I do not have any insurance and honestly I don’t know if I can do this by myself I don’t even know where to begin to start trying other than knowing I’m tired of feeling this way.PLEASE HELP any suggestions.Hydrocodone is the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

  • http://google Michelle

    OMG!!!What do I do it has been 4 hours since i wrote and it has been almost 33hrs. since I have taken a pain pill.I feel horrible,I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin,and I can’t even speak clearly.It feels like it is only getting worse by the minute.The craving right now is so strong,I don’t know what to do.I can’t eat I don’t even want to,I feel like I am going to loose control and I don’t even know how to help myself.I could go and get some so,thats why i keep writing because for what ever weird reason it does help somewhat to talk about it.When I start thinking about going to get some my body just trembles because I want to but i know it is not best for me & my family.But,I do only wish I knew how to control it better than what I’m doing.This is going to be one HELL of a long rough journey.HOPE I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!

  • Patrick

    @ Michelle – I would suggest the following:

    1) If you can, get to rehab, a professional detox is best if you can get it. I realize not everyone has access to this. But it is the best way, in my opinion.

    2) Try to sleep through all of it, if possible. I realize many people cannot do so. If not, then just stay up. Go grocery shopping at 4 in the morning. Do whatever you have to do so that you don’t use, and then stay up all day long, and then hopefully you will be able to sleep the next night. Physical activity generally helps most people rather than making it worse. So taking a long walk when you are crawling out of your skin is probably a good thing.

    3) Don’t use opiates no matter what. You have come this far, you are through the worst of it, just a little further until you are free from drugs. Call a supportive friend, go take a long walk, but don’t use no matter what.

  • Wayne

    Hey All,

    I might be able to help some of those people that have a Hydrocodone addiction of 100-150mg a day. I am just starting to feel myself again and after an 8 year long abuse cycle I am confident it is behind me now.
    I have somehow been able to hide my problem from my family and friends although I ‘fessed-up’ about 5 years ago to my wife when I lost a dealer contact and would go from euphoria to flu like symptoms every month when my supply would run out. Her reaction was not a good situation. At that point of my life while taking percs I was anything but intoxicated. I was taking them purely not to get sick. I am sure alot of you know where I am coming from. Her thoughts of my addiction was that I was driving around with the kids hallucinating and nodding off at the wheel. For two years after that I was under the microscope to say the least. But as an addict it becomes a primary function to be very crafty and tell an elaborate amount of lies to stay out of trouble.

    On to some help… (that worked for me anyways)

    Cut ties with doctors and dealers. Fill your last prescription and then tell your doctor the truth. They won’t be filling any more for you and tell your dealer that you are under investigation or being audited. Come up with an excuse that will make them fear calling you. They could care a less about your problem. Your problem is their solution to cash flow issues.
    Weaning is a long drawn out process. It may be different for everyone but a cycle of -5mg every three days worked for me. The key to weaning (for me) was to keep a log of when to ingest. I used the timer function on my iphone to set an alarm on when to medicate. It becomes a bit of a psychological process that at some point in the process, and I can’t say when exactly, it wasn’t a problem anymore. It is very important to stick to the schedule and not extend periods and then ‘reward’ yourself with extra meds.
    Coming down to the end you will be looking forward to not medicating anymore. No more constipation, no more patting your pocket to check your pills. NO MORE WASTING MONEY. Find something in your life that you can concentrate on that will substitute the natural high you have been shutting out all these years.
    When you finally stop taking the meds I think some sort of withdrawl is inevitable. You have some ‘hot restless feet’ loose stool, cramps, sweats and some other nicities to look forward to but try and keep in mind….

    TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER THAN YESTERDAY

    Each day flies by and before you know it your free and clear. Think of how fast time flew throughout your addiction and remember how fast it will fly through the healing.
    Every pill you don’t take will extend your life by an hour. I know I have shortened mine and I hope I have enough time to heal and extend it again. Acetaminophen is a buffer added to most pills on the market. Its there to accentuate pain medication and make sure you don’t overdose on an opiate. But don’t get a false sense of security. Acetaminophen is kicking the ever loving shit out of your LIVER, STOMACH LINING and GI tract. If you are taking more than 5 grams a day over a long period of time you are killing yourself. Good luck to all. If you want some help or someone to converse via email me at dirkdaring@hotmail.com.

    Best of Luck

  • http://google michelle

    I don’t even know what to say really,I’m really at loss for words anymore.All’s I do know is that this has been the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.It has almost been 50hrs. for me and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier at all.I am an emotional wreck and angry with everyone.When does this get any easier,I can barely see to type for crying I’m normally not the type to be feeling sorry for myself,this is just so horrible.I sit and wonder how I ever let myself get here in this shape.And there is no answer for it.I can only Pray that I get through this.I’ve had to do a lot of hard things in my life but this has been by far the hardest thing that I have ever done.I hope and pray to GOD that I Win this battle,And maybe I can help someone else because,I have been there and it is crazy to feel like this over a damn pill.Thanks for your support Patrick,I don’t think I could this if I had not have found this web site.It really has helped me.

  • http://google michelle

    Well,I am almost 55hrs. into this I am feeling much better than I was this morning.I actually got up and have gotten my house spot less.I still have not been able to eat anything,I have not eaten a single bite of food in 2 days.I am starving but,I can’t even stand the thought of putting any food in my mouth.I just have no appetite.I’m still a real jumpy and my speech is not good.But all in all I am feeling some what better.I just hope it last.This is Friday night and the weekend is always harder for me because,everyone that comes around has hydro’s.Talking helps me so much that’s why i am on here,so i don’t know about this because if my husband sees me talking about it he tells me that I’m crazy that there is no way that helps so,i probably won’t be able to get on here much this weekend unless it’s when my husband leaves for something.I do really hope I pull through this weekend I will be so proud of myself because,I know if I can make it this whole weekend then I’ve got this beat.I’ve got A horrible migraine I have taken some Tylenol hasn’t seemed to help but I refuse to go and get anything stronger.I am going to try to get back on here before my family gets home just for little bit of sanity.It really helps to communicate with people that are going through the same thing and that is not judging you.THANKS to every one that is listening,I only hope that I can be A great help to someone one day. I can’t wait till I feel normal sober again.I don’t even know what that feels like anymore but,I can’t wait to find out.My oldest daughter will be leaving for college next year she will be graduating this year and I want nothing more but, to especially be sober for that.I can not wait to able to say I have recovered,And feeling better by myself without A hydro.I truly do wish everyone going through this the best of luck and i will be praying for everyone including myself….

  • Patrick

    @ Michelle – awesome progress….you are definitely through the worst of it now! Now hold on to your sobriety with all your might….treat Hydro like the poison that it is. Just one pill will send you back to the races. You have come too far now to go back to that.

    Keep us posted….

  • Wayne

    @Michelle

    You are at the worst part. Everything you are going through is the hydro trying to draw you back in to that vicious cycle. Keep your nose to the grindstone and bear these few painful days and then reap the fruit of your hard work. If you think you might cave or just need some relief go for a walk and remember that one pill will make the suffering you have endured a complete waste. Sobriety is your new life and once this is over the pride you will have inside by accomplishing what seemed such a monumental task will beam through and you will become the person you used to be.
    This morning in my truck on the way to work I think it hit me that I can do this. I screamed YES in elation inam no longer under control. It is me that is IN control and tomorrow will be better than yesterday. Good luck and you can do it.

  • http://google michelle

    I’m doing okay not as good as earlier.I’m a little emotional again and I really hate that feeling.i only hope it ends soon.Although i am no where near the shape I was this morning…Thank god i hate that feeling,Hey but,i did finally eat a little.But i am going to go maybe I can come back later..Thanks Patrick For listening to all of our horrible problems…Surely it’s gonna get better.i will continue to keep fighting.

  • http://google michelle

    Thanks Wayne,for being a good listener I just hope I keep making it even this well as hard as it is.But,thanks for listening.i’ll talk to you later.

  • Addicted Professional

    I haven’t written in a while. My plan was to stop last Thursday and as has become my habit, I didn’t make it. My girl who has been giving me my pills only when it is time to take them went on vacation and left me what was left of our current supply…of course I took all 20 in about 4 days, I had been only on about 2-3 per day getting ready to quit. I had 1/2 pill left on Thursday morning at 7am so I am about 42 hours out. I didn’t start to feel bad until about noon that day, but I was busy busy at work and just pushed through. I got home to my darling babies and husband and was so out of it I slept through dinner but was able to bathe and rock my babies to sleep. I had been taking motrin and tylenol around the clock. Today was much worse. I was again very busy at work and could hardly muster up the strength to make it around my business…on my feet about 10 hours plus per day. I had about 4 shots of toradol and it didn’t even touch my pounding headache. I have had a low grade temp up to 100 and chills all day. I feel like my skin is crawling. It hurts to take a drink or bite of anything b/c it feels like my salivary glands are secreting acid. I have had 2 crackers and a drink of chocolate milk in the past two days. I just woke up from laying on the bathroom floor for the past 4 hours and crawled in bed but couldn’t go to sleep. Last night I took an Ambien and slept, tonight it is so late and my kids get up early so I can’t really take much. I did take 1/2 a benadryl and waiting for it to kick in. I feel quite a bit better right now…I doubt it will be this way in the morning. I have wanted some all day…if there was anyway I could have gotten some…I probably would have. Okay…I am going back to bed to try to sleep. I think I am going to pretend to have a stomach bug this weekend and see if my mom will help with my kids b/c my husband is leaving town. I don’t think I will have the energy to be a good mom…that makes me feel like such a loser. Tonight I developed a migraine and wanted so bad to go see the doctor and get a shot of demerol, etc. I didn’t, I pray I won’t tomorrow…I know it might get better after this. I need to be a better mom for my babies. Wishing everyone luck.

  • Addicted Professional

    Ellie….how are you doing??? I am pulling for you.

  • Wayne

    @ addicted professional

    There is an easy way to justify your valid concerns of what you claim to be poor mother habits. Try and look at it this way. A week or two of being short and miserable is a pretty small price to pay for being a sober and clean mom that can finally enjoy life as how it should be.
    I am on day eight clean and sober. It did not come without pain and sacrifice. My addiction at it’s height over eight years was roughly 100-120mg a day of hydrocodone. At certain times I could get it as low as 50mg but the cycle would eventually get me back up to 120. I am almost back to normal. Each day gets better then the last and I am looking forward milestones of a month, a year, 5 years and more. My biggest worry at this point is getting Sick as a result of damage I have already done. I can’t really do anything about it now but at the very least I will have the satisfaction I beat this under my own free will.
    8 days and the sweats and chills are completely gone other than a hot flash now and again. I am still very low on energy but I am getting bursts of it here and there. I even went on a bike ride last night with my 9 year old.
    Its somewhat rewarding to be able to tell the truth on this forum. I am more truthful to complete strangers then to my immediate family. With a huge relief I can now bury those lies in the past. There is always going to be guilt about the money I spent (at least the value of a used cesna) and time I have cut short of my life but I have to look forward to what I hve extended and now can start accumulating again. I am fortunate enough to be self employed but taking the first few days off and some early afternoons came a small cost to my employees and clients.
    I still get hot feet at night. I could have went for a cold pack last night it got so bad. Lol.

  • http://google Michelle

    hey everyone I hope everyone is doing okay today.I seem to be doing a whole lot better today,when I first got up i had to fight back the depression of it but,I did and I’m okay for now.I still want them but, nothing like I did just knowing what i went through the past couple of days is enough to know I will never go through that again.That is pure HELL…I’m still a little jumpy but,that’s getting better also.My speech is a lot better,not being able to talk is really embarrassing.To you mothers out there I really know what your going through because,i have felt like such a failure in that prospective to.My daughters are older i have one that is 17yrs.and one 15yrs. old and they have watched me go through everything for the past few days and that really makes you feel worse.But,I can now only apologize and move forward,from all of the horrible things that I have done.With my kids being older it’s really hard but,there school is full of drugs.So,I look at it like this if I had to be the one to make the mistakes instead of them and they learned something by watching me I’m good with that.And,I truly believe that my children will never touch A pill.They absolutely hate the word.I do believe that my girls watching me go through everything I have been through was the most humiliating thing about this whole ordeal.But,hey it can only get better now I can’t change the past I can only promise A much brighter future.and that is my Goal,I could just scream I did not know being sober felt as good as i do today.I am so HAPPY!!!!!!I will be pulling for all of you,I know if i can do it anyone can,I am the type of person with NO will power But,I have managed to do this so far,it can only get easier now.I wish all the moms and dads out there the very best of luck and I will be praying for all of you and myself.For everyone out there that thinks you can’t do it just remember YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO..We may have to work extra hard at it but,we can do it.Remember we have to have faith in ourselves.Just remember that what we have going through no pill is worth all that.WE CAN DO IT!!!!Talk to you all later.

  • Patrick

    Awesome update, Michelle….this is what we were all hoping to hear!

    Stay strong….

  • http://google michelle

    Hey,hope everyone is doing well.i was actually in a room full of people tonight and the most of them were talking about taking or wanting pills.And I was very proud to be able to tell them i never wanted another pill as long as i live.It felt so good to be able to say that because,honestly I did not know if I was gonna be able to do that are not but,I was so proud of myself when I did.My cravings are almost gone i still find myself thinking of Hydros from time to time but,I just find something to occupy myself and it soon goes away.I really don’t think I could have done this without reading every ones story on this page.It has really helped just being able to talk to people that are going through the same thing as I am.Thanks Patrick and also thanks to everyone on here wish you all the BEST OF LUCK.I’m probably gonna keep writing because,it has been A great help.The whole out come of all of this feels so wonderful.

  • http://google michelle

    Having A wonderful day!!!!This feels GREAT,Awesome feeling being sober!Hope everyone is doing well…..

  • http://google michelle

    Goodnight to everyone!!!Hope everyone has A good night,I promise it does get easier just hang in there.There could not be anyone that loves pain pills more than me,I know it is hard but,life sure fills better without it.I even stayed outside all day today and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine and even done yard work,and actually enjoyed it.I sure hope I continue to feel this good.Going to bed now talk to everyone tomorrow.wising everyone the best of LUCK….

  • http://google michelle

    Well i got my kids off to school,I’m having a slight craving this morning I think I’m fixing to go back to bed.Hopefully I get through this.Talk to everyone later!!!!!

  • Patrick

    Thanks for the updates Michelle….keep up the good work and keep us posted.

    Nothing wrong with sleep during this difficult time!

  • http://google michelle

    Having some pretty strong cravings today but,so far i have been controlling them.hope to continue to be in control.Just ate supper now I’m going back to bed.

  • mary

    I have been on 60 mg of norco a day.my dr. is not trying to wean me off of the norco it has been four years i am ready. I really am terrified do to the fact it has been four years plus and i am in my late 40s.worried about my health no dr. or insurance for a regular dr.pain management is by a letter of protection.has anybody out there been on norco four years plus and concord on thier own.how long will this take.i want to start off by taking 4 a day 1 week 2nd week 3 per day and so on untill i get to one. then go from thier.

  • http://google michelle

    I had a really rough night,someone called me late last night before I went to bed and had some cheap hydros for sale,I wanted to go and get them so bad,thank god for my husband he would not hear of it.So,I went on to bed I tossed and turned all night.Every time I opened my eyes I thought about them damn hydros.I hope I pull through this day,my husband took off work today i know he only done this where I couldn’t go and get those hydros .hopefully it will be A better day than night…

  • http://google michelle

    Mary,The Dr.is not ever going to wean you off of the damn things it brings in to much money for them.As long as they have everybody addicted to these things people are going to continue going their asses.I think that it is the Dr.s fault they have everyone strung out on pills if they wouldn’t be so quick to write all these narcotics people would not be so addicted.These Dr.s know what they are doing.I’m going through A hard time right now with hydros and it is NO fun at all.I find it easier to go cold turkey but,that’s just me.If I am still taking I can’t control that.But,I do wish you the very best of luck,keep in touch I’m on here everyday.I could not do it without it,just being on here has helped me a lot.GOOD LUCK!!!!!

  • http://goggle Michelle

    Well,I haven’t been doing very well.I have sick to my stomach for two days.I think it is a virus,is it possible to be still withdrawing it has been a week if so when does this ever end?i feel okay in every other way except stomach cramps and having a upset stomach.well,I’m going to bed now talk to everyone later…..

  • Patrick

    @ Michelle – Well hang in there anyway….it is common, at times, for a recovering addict or an alcoholic to get sick shortly after getting clean and sober. Sort of a rebound thing.

    Pull through it though and don’t give up. You are almost out of the woods with this thing….

  • http://google Michelle

    Patrick ,I am trying hard to keep it together it is hard sometimes.But,I am determined to win this ugly battle.The only thing making me hold together is that I hate to fail at anything,I just never realized it could possibly last this long.I feel a lot better this morning hope I continue to feel good the rest of the day….

  • Addicted Professional

    I DID IT!!! Today is almost been one full week and I did it!!!! I feel much better. Better than I have in a long time. I laughed with my husband at a funny commercial…I ran around the backyard with my kids last night! It was horrible and I think I will continue to feel better….but wow! this is awesome! My kids are getting up from nap…I’ve called in sick to work all week!!..so I gotta go get them! Good job to everyone else and keep up the good work!

  • Addicted Professional

    Wayne! Way to go! I just had time to read your post…were you referring to a plane? A cessna? He he. I am a pilot also and just noticed that part of your post. I am feeling pretty good tonight..I did mess up and just took about 10mg of hydrocodone that fell out of a pair of jeans. My God…I have no control. Given what I just went through this past weekend I cannot believe I didn’t curse and burn those darn pills. Anyway…I don’t think it will be much of a set back. This has been real eye opener for me. I don’t ever want to go through this again and I hope I can help other people by not even giving them the option of becoming addicted…I am in the healthcare profession if no one has gathered that yet. My husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary this month and are going on vacation soon to celebrate…I am so excited to be going clean and not having to worry about having an adequate supply to take with me. It is so refreshing to wake up in the mornings and feel good…not in the early stages of w/d. I wish everyone so much luck. I will probably continue to come onto this site just to remind myself of all of the misery this addiction can cause. Love you all.

  • FassFeat

    I too would like to thank Patrick, as it seeems he is the adminastrator of this site. I have been taking Lorcet 10/650 for close to 3 yrs. I honestly don’t know how I am still alive. I was scared of W/D and like most everyone else here, all alone with my evil little secret. They last 8 months or so really got bad. I had been taking up to 30-40 per day. I had built such a tolerance , that I still could not get the desired buzz. I have been so ashamed of myself for so long, but too scared to take action. Nov will be my 25th anniversary with my wife, have a soph in college and sophin high school. I work with a high level group of people, what would they think. It is amazing that you can function at that rate.
    It finally happened, I got demoted at work a few months ago, then got demoted again this past Saturday 8/29. I have been with the same company for 20 yrs.
    A few months ago my wife picked up on something wasn’t right and marriage has been bad too. Hydro, the devil.
    Monday 8/30 I had only had about 12 on Sun and 10 on Mon (took the last couple at 3pm) I was driving around and seriously comptemplated taking my life. Then I started thinking about I didnt want to do that to my wife and kids.But just the fact that I considered it an option. I decided to quit, regardless of the misery.
    I came home, took somethiing to make me sleep, and pretty much slept for the next 8-10 hrs. The next day I fessed up to my wife, she already knew. She just wanted me to admit it. I started reading the posts, I got her to read some so she would know what I would be going through as well.
    It is Weds 9/1 at 11:30pm, so going on 54 hrs. I also went to my family Dr. (the one that delivered my children and told him what was going on. I chose not to use Suboxan, as I have had friend to stay on it for over a yr, and it is just as hard to get of off. I got Gatorade, Immodium, my Dr perscribed Clondon (lowers blood pressure and eases some of hot flashs, etc.) and have been taking Motrin and other OTC pain relievers. It is hard to believe that I am already feeling almost normal again. I have never even heard of anyone taking as many a day as I was, so I thought it would be worse than it actually has been. I made a decision that I didnt care if I loose my job, have to start over with everything, that I am not going to spend anymore time looking for pills. My son and I took a short trip to California a few months ago, the hardest part for me was scraping up enough drugs to last the whole trip.
    My wife is supportive, and I know that the hardest part is yet to come, the pyscological desire over the next weeks and months. I will also stay on this forum until I have it under control, it does feel good to talk about it.
    One last thing, I turned off the ringer on my phone during this time, but earlier today, I had two different connections contact me to let me know there was ample supply. I told them what I was doing, and they wished me luck. I am sure they hope I will fail, as I was a very good customer. Thanks again, I have been inspired be this forum, and If I can do it, anyone can. I had 2 1/2 really bad days, and already getting better.

  • FassFeat

    I apologize for all the misspelled word and typo errors. It just felt so good to let it out. Thanks to all on board.

  • Rivers and Parks

    Sept. 03, 2010 – 7:50PM PST

    Hello,

    I am inspired to read the stories of all of those that have quit and those that have supported them on this site so, I am giong to give it a shot. I am a career mom of a 3 year old and started to take hydrocodone after a surgery when I experienced severe internal bleeding, leading to intense pain and was hospitalized for a week. I have lupus, adding to further complications and unfortunately, internal bleeding was not caught in time and so by the time it was realized, I had developed several large clots in my stomach.. Anyway, I was on it for about 5-6 months and was able to quit easily. The same issue happend again and I came back on it and that was 2.5 years ago and my dose of 1 has increased to 3-4-5-6-7-8 sometimes. I do feel that some of it is fear and some of it is work related stress and I have a supportive husband who is helping me get off this drug. After making plans but never going through with it, reading this site has inspired me to start today. With the long weekend, may be I will make it..

    Wish us luck. Thanks.

    – Elie’s Mom

  • Elie’s Mom

    Any suggestions are welcomed. I really want to get off this thing!! Thank you.

  • FassFeat

    You can, I am on day 5 and it really does get better each day. I found that the forum (ask a question) you will get feed back quickly at Medhelp.com After I posted here and didnt get any response, I did and got alot of help. You will need it to keep your mind right. But congrats on starting today, I believe you can do it. if you have questions, I am a few days ahead of you on the process. Will gladly share what I can. Good Luck

  • Wayne

    Thought I would check in and see victorious battles and new battles started.

    Just over 3 weeks for me now and there is nothing that would make me ever take another opioid as long as I live. It may not work for everyone but if you have focus in your life I found tapering was the only thing that worked for me.
    I couldn’t handle heavy detox and would cave in when the chills and coughing started. Although tapering did not fully remove all symptoms it made it very bearable.
    In the last three months including tapering off time and quitting time I have saved a significant amount of money already. It’s very embarrassing how much I spent on pills but when those thoughts sneak in I try and bury them with the satisfaction of being in control now. I went out yesterday and treated myself to a new flight headset with the money I have saved. Holding a Lightspeed Zulu 850.00 instead of a bag of TEC’s makes things much more clearer to me now.
    Anyway, I hope everyone is well and fighting the battle.

  • http://google Michelle

    Hey,I am so glad that everyone is still fighting and winning this battle.I feel really good,I haven’t been on here lately because my brother is in Birmingham,Al Hospital/UAB burn center.He was in a very tragic accident over 80% of his body was burned third degree burns yea it’s really bad and to top it all off it was drug related…Yes,stupid shit that I have never tried and never will,I can honestly say that THANK GOD!!!The doctors do not know if he is gonna make it or not they said he could be in ICU for up to 6 months.He is on a ventilator not breathing much on his own…I can only pray for him…

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khvC1M14S1M TheDoctor

    I’ve spent quite a long time reading a lot of your stories. I see a lot of people that have made the right move and are fighting through their addictions.

    Personally, I’m not terribly bad off. The last time I took hydros was nearly 3 weeks ago. I have chronic pain at 32 which doesn’t seem normal at all. On top of that, I spent the better part of the past year getting a LOT of dental work done. When I say a lot, I mean enough to buy a small car. Naturally, my dentist would give me pills because I was indeed in a good deal of pain. I just never really put 2 and 2 together.

    So recently, I started having moderately bad foot pain the past couple of months and went to get checked out by the doc. After it was done, I was given a couple of shots in my hips and some medication. I was given 30 5/500 hydros. I was elated almost instantly. Thinking back now, each time I got pain meds, my mood would instantly change. That should have been a warning sign. I was in complete denial. The pain I had was real. I justified every pill I took. I took to stealing my wife’s pills the couple of times she had to have them. I feel terrible for that.

    The last straw really came a couple of weeks ago. My wife and I had a big fight, ironically it was nothing to do with pills. I had some though and I started taking them heavily, to drown out the mental anguish I was in. Then, in one day I took 6 of them. Now, I know that doesn’t sound like a lot but this is from a person that used to take just 1 a day. Now taking 4 or 5 was nothing? The next thing you know, I’ll be popping 10 or 15. I’m not going to let that happen.

    Some people drink beer/liquor but I prefer a pill. In fact, I can’t even drink anymore as it makes me feel awful. That was another reason I turned to pills. Alcohol couldn’t cut it anymore.

    I feel like maybe I headed it off at the pass. I still, right now, crave them. For two reasons: I like how they make me feel and I am still in pain regarding my feet. I’m doing conventional things like icing my feet (which hurts like hell!) and taking NSAIDs. I have two small children. Let me tell you, when your foot is immersed in icy water and the kids start running amock the first thought in my head is “damn, if I only had a pill I could chase after them…” Last night I even said that aloud as my foot iced in agony. I don’t think anyone heard me. :)

    I came clean and told my wife that I was indeed psychologically addicted to them. I don’t think I’ve ever been so ashamed of something. She was very supportive and that means everything to me.

    I have yet to experience physical withdrawal and I’m thankful for that. What I have now is the intense psychological need for them I suppose.

    I am not entirely done with dental work and I still have my existing pain to deal with. Since I know now that I’m not denying my addictive personality, I feel confident that if I truly “need” these things in the future; I can be responsible with them. I will look at them as an actual pain killer and not a mood enhancer.

    I have too much to give for it to be drowned out by a drug that dulls the senses.

    Congrats to all of you who are taking steps to overcome this terrible addiction. I wish you all the best!

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    I was taking 30 mil grams a day for three years i stoped for six weeks and then on and off so now i am on day five of tapering off to 10 mils a day it seems its working i am still getting very depressd is there any one out there who is tapering off who can share with me all the best patrick

  • Dan

    I was just wondering, I am not addicted by I think or know that my wife is addicted to hydrocodone. She has been taking them for over a year and a half. I think she is trying to get off of them and is experiencing withdrawl symptons, such as diarrha, nausua, flu like feelings, chills, hot, cold etc. (I have researched this on the internet. Anyway, I put her through rehab about 9 years ago for this same addiction. My question is: Do I confront her regarding this, since she will not accept that she is addicted (She had not openly told me about it), or do I continue to wait and see if she tells me. I know for a fact that her Dr. is trying to taper her off these as well. She actually told her mother back in July that she thinks she is addicted to them again, but would not admit to me. A part of me is extremely pissed off about this, since I dropped over $8000.00 last time to get her clean, and the other part of me feels sorry for her. I am lost as what to do, and would appreciate any opinions on this matter, if any one else’s spouse is going through the same thing.

  • WNicole

    I am 22 years old, and I believe I am 100% addicted to painkillers, just hydrocodone. I do whatever I can to get it, and always stress when I dont or am running low. I dont take it for the high feeling i guess, but for the way it calms me down and used to put me to sleep. It doesnt anymore. I also take ambien for sleep, which doesnt work anymore either. I would say i say 10mg every 2, or 4 hours give and take some differences. When im sleeping and wake up i know i take more, possibly more ambien just to stay alseep cause i can never sleep. I’m extremely itching all the time and now i have severe stomach pains and back pains, nauseas and hot sweats and just an all around general feeling of being ill. I used to only take them at night to go to sleep but ever since i got sick i started taking them during the day as well…and now im scared ive gone to far with it and i dont kno what happens next.

  • Chris-Ypsi-Michigan

    This has been a good reading for me this morning. I am in a situation with vicodin that probably requires help for the 3rd time. I am going to start listening and stop being so stubborn. I need help kicking these things and this might be a good way to start. I will try to check in at least once daily to begin with and tell my story as it develops. Thanks for all the posts.
    CHRIS

  • Noel

    Today I want to stop and I WILL stop BUT I need HELP from you all. Ok heres the deal I been on 10/650(greens) and 10/500(blues) for about 2 years now. I take about 2-5 a day. I never gone over 10. For about a year I was able to just make it with 1/2 a pill and now well its becoming a monster. SO I have now about 30 pills left and I prescription of Suboxone. What should I do?? I tried the SUB but the side effects were to much for me (I got like all the side effects it carries,My body shuts down) but 2 days on SUB got me 10 days of being sober(WORKS GREAT FOR THE CRAVINGS). BUT I really wanna Taper off of these 30 pills I have left. So how should I start that?? I really wanna stop you guys!

  • Patrick

    As for a taper, I would hesitate to give advice on exactly how to do that.

    Call a doctor and ask them. Keep in mind it does not necessarily have to be YOUR doctor you ask for advice about this.

    Failing that, you might also call up local drug rehabs and see if they will give advice on how to taper from opiates. Sort of a long shot but you might talk with someone who is willing to give you some helpful advice. Ask to speak to detox or nursing and you will get someone who deals with Suboxone tapers on a daily basis, then maybe they can shed some insight for you….

  • Shaun

    Today as I wright this I am at the 48 hour mark without any hydrocodone. I would take upwards of 10 10/500 a day for pack pain. (well, thats why I started taking them 6 years ago anyways). I decided it was time to stop once I realized how much I was spending on the little things above and beyond my 90 a month. My family was starting to suffer because of it. I am super luckey though because my wife is behind me 100%. I am just wondering when it is I will actually want to get out and do something. right now all i wasnt to do is sleep but i cant even do that. my body will not get at a normal temperature at all. then when it does im in to much pain to sleep or even lay down. I have read so many great accounts of those going through the same thing. ad that in itself is good hope. its nice to know at this exact second im not the only one looking for help on this. I am right now eating my biggest meal since two days ago and it consists of a bowl of cereal. and i dont even want it but my wife says i have to eat something. I just hope I can get through the next two days and then maybe see some sort of normalcy because i need to go back to work. I took two days off because im “sick”. if i had the time i might go into a facility but that is not an option. but anyways Ill sum this up with my questions. I did not have the time to read every post but did make it through alot of them. from what i read, it take aout 4-6 days to get over the physical addiction is that right? I sure hope so cus i dont think i can handle this much longer. my sweats and lack of sleep suck. i look forward to reading more posts as we all travel down the road to recovery and the ability to go through a day without worrying if i have more pills.

  • Elaine N.

    I’m an 86-yr-old female on Norco for insomnia for several years, and would like to taper off. What is the best way? I take half 10/325 each night for restful sleep.

    Suggestions wanted.

  • http://SpiritualRiver/AddictionHelp Dawn

    I have been taking Lorcet 10/650 and Soma for about ten years. Sept.9 I saw my Doc, got my scripts and went to the pharmacy. I had to see a different Doc in May for financial reasons. My mistake was taking the latest scripts to the same pharmacy. The pharmacy called my doctor and told them I had the same scripts filled in May by another doc. I was given the phone , my doc’s wife was on the line, told me I was in violation of my pain agreement (which I was) my scripts were destroyed and I was told to find a new doc in ten days. I have not found a new doc, I’m actually scared that no one will treat me. It has been 26 days and it’s not getting any better. I’m unable to think clearly, focus or concentrate. I’m trembly inside and very weak in the knees. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Any advice would be greatly accreciated.

  • Matt

    I’m going on my 5th day of detox and, believe me folks, its no walk in the park. But I’ve been really inspired from each of the testimonials. I was addicted to Percocets for about 2 years. Taking no less than 60mg per day. Call it the grace of God or an unfortunate run-in with a dealer – I found my stimulus to say “enough is enough”. And so I stopped cold turkey. Now I had heard the horror stories of withdrawal and was a tad bit worried on how my body would react. But you know what? I’ve looked at it like this – accept your punishment/responsibility for allowing yourself to get into this situation. And, in the wise words of one of you, REMEMBER – tomorrow will be better than today! And it has been. I STILL have intestinal issues. I’m still extremely fatigued at certain points during the day. And I still have anxiety issues and loss of appetite. I’m just hoping that the “one week of hell” mantra is true with regards to withdrawal. I can definitely leave the pills behind. I’m confident in that fact. Every person just has to “see their own light”. And, believe it or not folks, the “hitting rock bottom” cliche really is true. At least for me. I literally looked myself in the mirror for 2-3 minutes, talking to myself, and finally said “that’s it, I’m done”. SO STICK WITH IT PEOPLE!!!! And keep me in your thoughts/prayers. I, too, need the strength..

  • steve

    Stumbled across this as I am on day 3 trying to clean up. It has been brutal, and I mean brutal. The sweats, not being able to sleep, the hostility towards others etc etc.

    You won’t find many tougher choices than going clean. On day 1 you’ll want to give up, you’ll want to kill yourself, you’ll want to kill others. Day 2, same thing.

    Today I got up and actually had some hope. I actually felt better. By no means was this the feeling the whole day, as I felt like crap on and off, but it seems to get better each day.

    To those of you on day 1, read all these posts. You’ll see that you are not alone.

    There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem far, but each hour brings you closer and closer.

    DO NOT GIVE UP

  • Mary B.

    Hi Everyone. I am 47 yrs old and had Breast Cancer 4 yrs ago. I had a lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation. I have been cancer free since then which I am very greatful for. After all my treatments I started experiencing joint pain and doctor started me on 5/500 hydrocodone. I then stopped for about a year with no problems but have had two more surgeries (not BC related) sinced that time and was again put on more vicodin. I want to stop altogether but it has been extremely difficult. I take 3, 3 times a day. My Oncologist just keeps refilling which kind of surprises me. I am on day two of trying to quit once again and am having bad joint pain and low back pain, no energy, very depressed. I am taking advil and drinking lots of fluid. Some days it just seems impossible to stay off of this stuff. Wish me luck folks, and best to you all, many of the stories are inspiring, thanks for your site! :)

  • Mary B.

    Day 3 feeling dizzy! Is this normal? Do not feel well, hate this. :(

  • Lisa

    My son, age 27, is currently undergoing treatment for opiate addiction. He is taking Methadone Hcl 60mg per day. He’s been in treatment since the beginning of August. So far, his dosage has only increased. In addition, he takes Lexapro 20mg per day. He is HIV positive. In addition to all of this, he smokes marijuana. Last night, he had a severe panic attack and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. The doctor prescribed Atarax 25mg every 8 hours as needed for anxiety. I am at wits end. I do not know what to do to help my son. I know he must do things on his own, and he has at least taken the step to address his addiction to hydrocodone, and honestly he feels good about that. I am frustrated that he still smokes pot. He claims he must do this to cope. Part of me wants to walk away from him and let him crash and pick himself back up, but more of me wants to do whatever I can do to help him. I just don’t know what to do. I do not want to enable him, but it is also not in my parental make-up to walk away if there is something I can do. Does anyone have suggestions?

  • Patrick

    Lisa I am not sure if you read this post yet but it says much of what I would normally say that this point:

    http://www.spiritualriver.com/i-have-a-son-daughter-mother-father-girlfriend-boyfriend-who-is-addicted-to-drugs-or-alcohol-what-can-i-do-to-help-them/

    And: I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice, but I have observed, in my experience, that a more common dose for Atarax for anxiety is 50mg every 4 hours. Your son may have special circumstances, but it might be worth asking his doctor about….

    I know anxiety can be very tough to overcome, especially in early recovery. Atarax is NOT addictive, but he might just need a bit more to really control his anxiety.

  • Cat

    So sick!! shaky, light headed! no real sleep in two days!
    I feel like electric shocks are going through my body.! I take three ult-rams 50 mgs a day and and an efexor 7.5 a day and one klonopin at night. I think the later is the only thing giving me some sleep. These meds are a must for me. But after a year of mixing hyros whatever I can get, up to three a day I am kicking the hydros I have to!!!! I am hiding them and spending money I dont have on them. I like them!! they make me feel so good and happy thats what makes it so hard. But after a couple of days trying to get by without I am so sick!!
    I dont want to admit it to anyone so it helps that I can write about it. thanx

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi Patrick,it has been a while since i have been on here.I have been sober for almost two months now.It feels so much better than always looking or using.I can honestly say I like going shopping and using my money on my daughters or myself a lot better than drugs.I am so happy for myself.My family and i went to Miami last month and it felt so good to go and not worry about having to take hydro’s with me or wondering where I was going to get more.I can not Thank you and the support of this group enough for the help that it gave to me.I hope everyone is doing great and,I truly wish everyone the best of luck.It can be done if I could do it anyone can.”LIVE,LOVE,LAUGH”that is the best medication in the world.THANK YOU again for everything….

  • http://spiritualriver.comments Jennifer

    Hello. I am a 39 year old addict who has been taking portable 10/500 for the last two years and at a rate over the last year of about six to eight at a time about four times a day and this includes waking up in the middle of the night to medicate. I am on day five of no pills. I thought I was over the worst but today I don’t want to get out of bed and all I can think about today is pills. How much longer will I feel like crap?

  • Jennifer

    Dang spell check meant to say portable 10/500

  • http://google michelle

    Jennifer,Hi my name is Michelle I have been off of hydros for a little over 2 months now.And,there are still sometimes when i’ll find my self with very strong cravings.But,what has always helped me is knowing what I went through and how bad I felt detoxing.but,truly after 2 to 3 weeks you will start feeling better and then the shame will hit you which really opened my eyes.And still to this day like any other addict i sometimes want them i just go back and think of all the lies and every other horrible thing i done.And that it’s self will make you not want it anymore.You are through the worst part so don’t let them call you back in.it is a very ugly thing and I do wish you the best.YOU CAN DO IT!!!!i will be praying for you.GO FOR IT BEING SOBER IS A WONDERFUL FEELING!!!

  • Jill

    I started taking 1 hydro at night before I go to bed because I don’t sleep good at night, and this relaxes me and I sleep . Now I feel like I HAVE to have this pill at night. Is this bad for me. What are the affects if I take 1 pill a day. I feel guilty for this, but I get to sleep all night.

  • http://google michelle

    Jill,it doesn’t take much to get addicted.I started out taking only one half of a ten.before i realized it I was taking 4 or 5 tens at a time.So,just be very careful they are very addictive.my best advise is to try to find you another way to sleep.Before you know it your gonna be taking a lot of these you’ll build a tolerance and soon just one is no good at all.You think you can control it but,you can’t it controls you.If you don’t stop now you’ll find yourself in a horrible situation.And believe me detoxing is no day in the park.Good Luck,I’ll Pray for YOU get away from these things they are worse than SATAN himself….

  • http://spiritualriver.comments Jennifer

    Thanks Michelle. That’s all I keep thinking about is how bad I felt those first few days. I moved from Louisiana to Arizona and don’t have access to the pills like I did back home and the sad thing is that’s what really helped me quit. I know that if they fell in my lap now like they always seemed to do back home then I don’t think I would be able to do it. I just want to feel normal again and have my own normal energy back. I don’t even remember what itsvlije to be myself like I was before I stated the pills. This has truly been the hardest thing I ever did. I have a great new job new home a whole new life and I pray daily that I don’t mess that up. This site has truly been a life saver. When I hear everyone else’s story I see that I am not alone. If I can go from a 200 pill a week habit and that’s being conservative then I know anyone can ft through this. Thanks again to everyone who put there story on here you saved my life.

  • http://spiritualriver.comments Jennifer

    Another day pill free. Getting up for work today was a breeze and I still thought about the pills but it didn’t consume my thoughts as usual. I actually smiled all the way to work and have more energy today than yesterday. Even my daughters noticed a change in my mood. My youngest is 17 and they knew I took pills they just never knew how much. No on ever really knew how much except the doctors and my dealer. Now I think about all the money. Could have paid my daughters way through college with it. If I could go back and change one thing in my life itvwouldnt be bad relatiinships or failed marriages it would be that first script with three refills that I decided to fill over and over again. I am a professional women and no one would ever believe I was an addict to anything. Anyway Thanksgiving to you all and if you arecreading this to help ft clean trust me if I could do this without killing myself anyone can. Good luck to you all and thanks tobthose of you who have succeed and posts about it.

  • Gina

    Hi this is gina, ive been taking vicodin for about 8yrs. i really would love to get off of them and get my life back on track. if there is someone that knows 100% of cue that will work plz email me. at zkvakic@yahoo.com i feel so alone. God bless the world.

  • Wayne

    3 Months now and things are back to normal. Or at least what I remember normal to be lol. 8 years being tied to those pills was a bad experience I don’t want to repeat any time soon. Good luck all.

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi,those of you that have read all of the post.You can see when I was going through detoxing there was a bad accident with my brother and that it was something stupid and drug related.Well,he was cooking METH and it exploded on him.He had 90 percent of his body was burned 3rd.degree.When you say 3rd.degree I think people really don’t realize how bad that actually is.My brother was burned really bad it burned the skin off his legs all the way to the bone.Parts of his body was even burned to his sweat glands.He was in real bad shape.He stayed in the hospital for 2 months on life support meds.to keep him a blood pressure every thing you could not possibly imagine he was going through.Well,all of his vital organs started shutting down on him after being in the Hospital 2 months.The doctor came in and explained to me because of all of my brothers drug use in the past his liver could not repair it self.I guess the reason for me putting this on here was because his past drug abuse was Lortab and alcohol.He started doing Meth when Lortabs and alcohol didn’t get him high anymore.I am so glad I recovered before the Ugly devil(METH)got into my life.I only wished that was the case for my brother.Needless to say My Youngest brother and I buried him on 10/30/2010 he passed on 10/28/2010 THAT WAS THE MOST HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE…Compared to burying my brother and detoxing burying my younger favorite guy was the most hardest thing in the world to do….So detoxing was a breeze.But,everyone just remember that long term drug abuse can affect you years down the road and we may not even know what is going to happen.We all say there can’t be anything harder than detoxing from a pill(Be Careful What You Wish For)Good Luck To Everyone I wish you all the best of Luck…

  • http://google Michelle

    Well,I was just on here to see how everyone are doing.I really do hope everyone is doing great.I hope the information I gave about my brother was a big eye opener for everyone.It most definite was one for me.GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE,I’m Praying for the all of you.REMEMBER LIVE,LOVE,LAUGH,is the best medication in the world.I pray that you all have the best of luck………………..

  • Michael

    I came to this site for selfish reasons the first time several months ago. I was actually searching for ways to potentate the hydro and see if there was a way to reduce tolerance. Today, a different story.

    I’d been prescribed hydrocodone for chronic pain. I’ve always loved it, occasionally getting it for a bad cold, or spraining my ankle. So I was pretty stoked about having access to it EVERY DAY!

    At first, I was taking two 5/500s a day, and before the end of the month, I had called my doc to say I was taking 4 per day. I received a new script for 3 7.5/500s per day, and then, again, before the end of the month, was up to 4 7.5s per day. That’s officially.

    Unofficially, I had started increasing my dose by one per day here and there, until I reached the 8 / day (4000 mg tylenol) limit. I won’t breach that limit because I happen to like my liver. But in any case, that’s where I was.

    Of course, this means I run out early. I decide to wait it out — no problem, right? I’m telling you — I’ve never been depressed before. Not any more than normal life can dish. But the first 24-48 hours were HELL. Acute depression on an order of which I’d never experienced. I felt like I could not grasp a single comforting thought, not one shred of goodness that could rest my mind. It was pure despair, and I hated it.

    And that is when I decided that it just isn’t worth it. No matter how awesome it makes me feel while on it, nothing that can make me feel that BAD while NOT on it is just not worth it.

    I’m about to approach hour 72 without a pill. The depression is abated, but there’s still anxiety. I’ve been taking walks, which really do help. More than I would have thought. As people here have said, sleep seems to be the difficult thing. So far, I’m reluctant to switch to sleep aids just because I don’t want to come to rely on them. Unless I get completely neurotic, my plan is to just wait out the sleeplessness.

    I still have the chronic pain, and have a lot of thinking to do. It’s actually much more tempting to call it quits when these withdrawals are done than it is to call in a refill.

    In any case, I read many of the posts here about others’ experiences, and found them incredibly helpful. In a humble gesture to repay that, I’ll try to keep tabs on how I feel and post it over the next several days. It really does help tremendously to know that yes, it will be over, and all will be normal again.

    Currently, I’m at almost three days (72 hours) out from my last dose — cold turkey from 60 mg / day hydro. I’ve been taking it intermittently for 6 months, but daily for the past 6 weeks. The diarrhea has passed, but still no real appetite. I also have a high level of anxiety at the moment — knotting in the pit of the stomach along with occasional nausea. Also finished are the flu-like symptoms. Very little, if any, sleep. Going to try to eat, then take another walk.

  • Michael

    *Correction — my brain must be that twisted up right now. I’m actually about to hit hour 48 (two full days), not hour 72. I suppose that was wishful thinking. Man, but this really seems to make the time drag out.

  • http://goggle michelle

    Michael,hang in there you can do it…Then when it is all said and done you still have that awesome feeling only then it will be natural.Good luck to you I wish you the best.I was in the spot your in right now about 3 months ago,I know it is HELL but, the outcome is wonderful to be back in control of your life instead of something controlling you.IT IS A WONDERFUL FEELING TO BE SOBER !!!!!!!!!

  • Michael

    Thanks Michelle. I actually meant to reiterate your comment regarding “Live, Love, and Laugh.” For me, the emotional and physical need to tie in with spiritual for a full picture, and that’s a quote that covers all three.

    Further, I was right on my days the first time. I really AM just past hour 76 (three full days) now. I took a long walk after my post, and have had about 10 glasses of water today. I already feel better this evening than I did this morning. Still very anxious, but better.

  • Michael

    Day 4, nearing 92 hours.

    Last night was pretty decent. Slept about 4 hours, which was better than the night before. This morning, however, I’ve been wracked with near-crippling anxiety / depression. I’ve never been depressed, so I’m assuming that’s what this is. I broke down and cried at work for the first time ever this morning. Thankfully no one saw me.

    The thing is I can’t tell if this is anxiety or if it’s depression. Maybe both. In any case, I’m praying and hoping that this is normal and will subside within a few days. This is honestly the worst aspect of my experience.

  • Cathy

    I am so glad I found this website. I just learned of my boyfriend’s addiction and am terrified! This site and your stories help me believe we can beat it.
    Good luck to all of you and please never stop trying!

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi everyone just thought I’d check in and see how everyone is doing?Michael,sounds like you are almost out of the woods.I’m very proud for you because,I know from experience this is the worst part of it.Anxiety and the depression is the very worst of it.At least it was the worst for me and it lasted about two weeks.Sometimes not as bad as others but,still bad right….I still come to this site because,it still helps me from time to time I also still have some cravings so when I do I get on here.And then loosing my brother was A big wake up call for me also…But,hey be strong you can do it.You’ve came this far don’t let that ugly thing pull you back in now.Having someone to talk to always helps….

  • Michael

    Currently into day 5. Occasional recurring original symptoms — diarrhea, nausea, sweating. The worst still is the depression and anxiety.

    Michelle, thank you for checking in. I’m so sorry about your brother — I didn’t read this whole site yet. :(

    The depression is pretty crushing. I finally admitted I needed more help so I saw my doctor today. He was very understanding and supportive, and said that on average, the depression will last several weeks, with reoccuring periods thereafter for a while. It’s really good to have a medical professional be so encouraging. So to anyone else — I do recommend being completely honest with your doctor if you can.

    I plan to keep coming back to try to give updates once in a while. God bless you all, and hang in there.

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,did your Dr. give you any advise to make things easier?Hope everything turns out good for you sounds like you are really trying.I also hope everyone else is doing fine also.I will be praying for everyone….Remember just Live,Love,and Laugh thats the best things you can do.I usually just hang out with my daughters that are ages 15 and 17 so I’m always gonna love and they’re always making me laugh about something.Sometimes it is the corniest things that they make me laugh about.Hey,it’s all good !!!!!!!

  • Rosa

    Help me I’m 3 weeks clean and I’m feeling like I want to use,please help

  • Michael

    Rosa,

    Stay strong — three weeks is good, but the anxiety / depression will start to taper off in about another week. I don’t know who you’ve told, but I’ve found having help, IE full disclosure with my wife and my doctor, has made this bearable. And just think — you’re three weeks out, so that means that I’m still two weeks behind you. We’ll be able to claw our ways out.

    Michelle,

    My doctor helped in several ways. First, he was very understanding and didn’t judge me in any way. That was a big weight to get off my shoulders. Second, he provided solid medical insight from his experience with seeing this many times before that the worst of it in a lot of the cases is the anxiety / depression, and that can last a month before it starts to taper off. Just knowing that I’m not alone was helpful. And third, he started me on a very low-dose antidepressant to help with some of the mid to long-term issues. He told me that just being honest with my wife and with him has made this whole thing much, much easier on me. And it really has — my wife has been a perfect angel on this. So supportive, so amazing. That alone has helped tremendously.

    I still break down and sob for no reason at all. And I’m still getting 5 hours of sleep a night if I’m lucky. But I’m alive, and looking forward.

    My goal for coming here was and is to seek help, and my next goal is that my experiences help someone else. Just one person would be great. God bless.

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    Rosa,just think about your first week of withdraw symptoms and how bad they were.If you only take one you’ll be right back where you started from.Believe me I went through that several times before saying I will not no matter what will I take another one.It’s only it’s ugly cycle trying to pull you back in.Stay strong and beat it don’t let it beat you.I’ll be praying for you….

  • http://google michelle

    Michael,you better love your wife with all you have in you.The reason I say that is because I have been married for 21yrs.and when I was going through the worst of it he would tell me it was a mind thing,the whole time he was using too and still does which made it that much more harder for me.I think he did not know how to take watching me go through something like that I have always been A very strong willed person until it came to A lortab.It is very good to have someone to comfort you while going through something so difficult.I was never the one to be so open with it because of how people judge you.

  • Michael

    Michelle, I absolutely love my wife with all my heart. She’s probably the reason I’m still alive right now, to be quite honest. The most critical thing through this for me has been having someone I could talk to, be real with, cry to, and just feel like I didn’t need to be putting on an act. I’m a very, very lucky man.

    Today is day 9 since my last dose of hydrocodone. It’s also the first day I felt somewhat human in a really long time. I’ve turned a corner on the depression / anxiety. It’s not gone, but I can actually control it better now — I have drive to do things again! Still some loose bowel problems, but my doctor said that would come and go for a few weeks as my body purges itself.

    So here’s my personal experience. I’ve gotten to the bottom of the well, and have started climbing up again, so let me just summarize things:

    Sequence of Symptoms:

    – Really bad restlessness on the first two days or so. Restless legs, felt like I had to just burst out moving around. No sleep — maybe 2 or 3 hours the first two nights.
    – Major depression set in on about day three. No drive to do anything, no desire to work, play, socialize, sleep, eat — nothing. This progressed and actually worsened until day 5. Thoughts felt like they just weren’t under control at all.
    – On day four, the horrible stomach problems really kicked in. Was running for a bathroom every 2 hours or so. That dependence on a toilet lasted pretty regularly up through day 7.
    – As I mentioned, the depression worsened until it hit a peak insensity on day 4, and kept at that level until the end of day 5. It was horrible — loss of all will, a complete hopeless feeling, literally wishing to die. Day 5 is when I called my doctor to ask for help.
    – Day 6, the depression began to lift at times, and at other times be replaced by extreme anxiety. Day 6 and 7 were dominated by the flipping of anxiety to depression to semi-normal.
    – Day 8 saw the veil start lifting slowly. It was also the most productive day I’d had in a really long time, getting more done around the house than during the whole time I was taking hydrocodone.
    – Day 9, and I’m currently well enough to see hope in things. Looking forward to Thanksgiving with family, desire to get caught up at work, a general slow returning of drive and ambition that was completely absent for a long time.

    I know I’ve got a difficult road ahead. But I also know I can make it and be healthy and happy again. Here’s some stuff I’ve been doing that really seems to help:

    – Walking
    – Lots of water
    – Cut off all alcohol and caffeine for the time being.
    – Prayer and meditation
    – Forcing myself to move when I didn’t want to
    – Open and honest communication with wife and doctor
    – Doing tasks with tangible results; IE working in the yard

    As I said before, I really hope this information helps at least one person. There is light ahead — just keep hanging in there, and you WILL be back to who you once were.

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,It is good to hear that you are still doing well.I am really proud of everyone who gets off of this horrible drug.I haven’t used in 3months but,sometimes still have cravings that I hope will someday pass and be gone forever…But,sometimes when this happens I get on here and listen to what everyone is going through and it really helps I guess because II have been there and felt that way and even lower all’s I know is that I don’t ever want to go back to that place in my life ever again.Good Luck and I will continue praying for everyone.

  • Michael

    Michelle, That’s exactly what I’ve told myself too. I don’t ever want to be back here ever again. It’s, so far, the darkest I’ve felt, and NOTHING is worth it. I very much hope to remember this pain when I get through it all so I can remind myself why I should stay away from the pills.

  • Ron

    Someone needs to let these people know about the restless leg syndrome, where, when your nerves start waking up, they will start firing off. That is the biggest problem I had when detoxing, causing lack of sleep, Hope tjis helps
    Ron

  • http://google michelle

    Ron,Am I missing something?What is tjis?

  • Frankie

    Hi everyone. I am quitting cold turkey off of loritab 7.5. I am on my 4th day and the worst thing is not sleeping. I lay down and I am tired but I cant be still long enough to go to sleep. I tried Nyquil and cough syrup with codein in it. They did not seem to help very much. I am done with the other symptons, but it would sure be nice to get a good nights sleep. Any ideas????

  • Michael

    Ron,

    Yeah, I had that too. The best thing I did was to go for really long walks. It subsided after a few days, but was pretty miserable.

    Frankie,

    If you’re trying to detox, I’d stay clear of the codeine syrup. That’ll just prolong your withdrawal. I’ve heard that melatonin helps a lot, though I didn’t take any of it. Benadryl will also help because it makes you tired and cuts some anxiety. I’m currently on day 12, and my sleep pattern is finally starting to return back to normal. I’m getting about 6 or 7 hours a night now. I’m still tired during the day, but not as bad as it was.

    Try working out until you feel like you’re going to drop. I think that, and some time, are the best solutions for the sleep problem.

  • Frankie

    OK Thank you. I am on day 6 now and it is getting better. I tried melatonin and it didn’t help much. I will get some Benadryl and try that but I think I am just about over it,

  • Michael

    Day 16 now. Sleep pattern is slowly getting back to normal, and I can almost sleep through the night now. The depression is abating, as is the anxiety, though they’re both still there in small amounts.

    A lingering symptom I have is my jaw is constantly sore, my stomach gets upset a lot, and I’m still pretty sweaty. My doc said that has something to do with the nerves that have been suppressed for so long firing off signals way more than they need to, but that eventually it would level out to normal within a month or two. Apparently it’s pretty common.

  • Frankie

    I am on day 10. I started to take Valerian Root and a hot bath before I go to bed and it has helped me to sleep. I am feeling better with everyday that passes. I have more energy and my mind is clear. I hope I don’t ever have to take Lortabs ever again.

    I want to thank everybody here for your comments and support. It helps a lot!! Michael it seems that you are very close to being all well and I am excited for you. Keep up the good work.

  • http://google Michelle

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.Hope all of your holidays are great….

  • http://google Michelle

    Hope that everyone had A wonderful holiday!I had A great time with all of my family…Now it’s time to focus on Christmas which is A good thing because,I love shopping.Happy Holidays to everyone and I hope everyone is still doing good.

  • Michael

    Frankie,

    Congratulations! Day 10 is definitely past the worst of it, and by now, you’re at day 17. If you haven’t had the depression / anxiety, then you blessedly won’t have to deal with it, and the physical effects are pretty much completely gone. Feels great, doesn’t it? I used to drink Valerian tea at night years ago — I remember it helping very much with sleep. Stay strong, friend, and you are well on the right path!

    Michelle,

    Happy holidays to you too! It’s always great to be around family, and for me, this was the first holiday / family gathering I’ve had in a long time where I was looking forward ONLY to spending time with the family, not taking pills to be sociable. And it was awesome. :D

    As of today, I’m 24 days in. My sleep pattern has almost returned to normal, though I still have a little trouble falling back asleep if I wake up after 6:30 or so. The depression / anxiety is abating drastically with each day. When I start feeling down, I just make myself do something (walk, split wood, clean a room in the house, etc) and I feel better. It’s not a central part of my mental process anymore.

    I still assert that the worst part of the whole withdrawal experience was the depression. I didn’t have too much trouble dealing with 3-5 days of feeling crappy, but the week of wanting to kill myself was pretty hellish. It’s also very sobering to see how I had to drag my wife through not only my addiction, but also through my recovery. If I didn’t marry an angel, I probably would have lost her by now.

    So, 24 days later, I’m almost back to baseline. As soon as the depression tapers back to nothing, I’ll be there. My doc says it takes about a month for that, so I’m just about there!

  • Jenn

    Hi all! New here and just looking for some people to relate to…. I’m checking myself into a detox today. I’va had an addiction to Lortab for about 6 years now. I came clean to my hubby and fam last night. Scared to death… but I want this more than anything! I want to be sober. I know I’m killing myself.

  • chels

    i came across this tonight! i am 26 yrs old and have been taking vicodin for about 2yrs now. i take about 2-5 pills a day. i want to quit but i want to do it myself. i hear a lot about the 14 days and you will feel better is this true? someone told me once that if you quit cold turkey you can go into seizures, is this true? i have two small children and want to b the energetic person i was b4 the pills. now it seems as though if i have no pills i have no energy. is the 14 day feeling true? i want to quit!!

  • Michael

    Jenn,

    It seems to me, in my humble opinion, that coming clean with those closest to you is the best first step. It helps set up a system of support and accountability. The fear is quite natural — What will those I care about think of me? How will I live without the meds? What will life be like?

    Well, I think that, more often than not, those you love will have a very understanding reaction. As for getting clean, I won’t lie when I say it IS difficult. But certainly not impossible. I was taking 8-10 Loritab a day when I quit cold-turkey. I found that 60% of quitting and getting through the withdrawals was having an understanding and supportive wife, and 40% was self-determination and faith. Trust me when I say that when you get past the hard part, life gets SO much better than it was when you were taking the meds.

    Chels,

    I think the experience varies from person to person, so I can really only speak with authority for myself. But on average, the worst of the physical withdrawal last about 3-5 days. For me, the hardest part came next, which was severe depression and anxiety. Not everyone gets that part of it. But for me, days 4 and 5 were the worst. After that, I had strong and lengthy waves of depression that came and went until about 2 weeks out. Somewhere between week 2 and week 3, that lifted and my sleep pattern started returning to normal.

    I don’t want to give medical advise, so if feel comfortable going to your doctor with this, I strongly encourage you to. I was very wary of doing so (I was on day 4 of withdrawal before I did — because I wanted to jump off a building), but I’m very glad I did. Having solid medical insight helped a lot. He told me that some patients do need to be hospitalized, but that’s more from dehydration, and other preventable issues. I don’t know anything about getting seizures, but I haven’t read anywhere that it’s a common problem. You’re more likely to just feel like absolute crap for a few days. Again, if you have serious concerns like that, I strongly suggest asking a real doctor.

    Regarding the 14-days question — You still probably won’t be 100% better by then, but I can say from experience that you’ll be much, much better off than you were while you were taking Vicodin. Remember that you’ve got little kids that rely on you to recover from this. That may help give you the determination you’ll require to pull through.

    Here’s a list of stuff that helped me a lot:

    – Exercise: Just walking helped clear my mind, and also help push the toxins through my system faster. It also helps restart the natural production of the dopamine and serotonin that I had burned through on the hydrocodone.

    – Plenty of water: Essential to stay hydrated through the diarrhea portion.

    – Honesty: Having a wife and a doctor who knew everything lifted mountains of burden from my shoulders, formed strong support, and established a system of accountability.

    – Removal of temptation: As strong as you are, when you’re at your worst, you’re going to want to use again to take the pain away. If you don’t have access to it, it actually helps the mental aspect. We went through the cabinet and got rid of all opiates (codeine was the only other stuff we had).

    – Stay busy: When you’re through with the first few days — the worst of the physical — the challenge becomes mental. You may feel like you can’t crawl out of bed, or go to work, or face anything. Force yourself to. You’ll find it almost impossible for a time, but that will pass. I promise you that.

    Additional things I did was hike, pray, and meditate. Laughing helps tremendously, even if you don’t feel like it. And music works wonders.

    Once it all passes — which may take 14 days, or 7, or a little longer — life gets sweet again. I’m only 27 days in now, and already my senses are sharper and more defined, my mind is quick and ready to joke again (just like it used to be), and I’m seeing joy returning in the things I once loved doing. Most importantly, I’m happier again, and I’m not pulling my family through an addiction with me.

    You can do it — just stay strong. :)

  • Michael

    In addition to what I just wrote, you’ve GOT to take it one day at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed with thinking about tomorrow. Hour by hour, day by day, it does get better.

  • http://google michelle

    Hi,I went through about everything Michael is telling you.It was awful something I never want to go through again.It does get alot better I promise I’m almost 4 months clean and I was taking anywhere from 5to8 lortab10’s A day.They say seizures are not common when coming off opiates but then again I’m not A dr. either but,i did quit cold turkey and i had been using for about eight yrs.The worst for me was the depression and shame.I was very ashamed because I am A mother of A 17yr.and A 15yr.old.But i stayed very honest with all of my family and you could not believe the love and support that they all gave me.It helped me more than anythiing.Just ALWAYS remember LIVE,LOVE&LAUGHTER is the best medicine in the world…And,you will find all of your energy again when your happy with yourself again.Being SOBER is really A wonderful feeling isn’t it Michael.I feel better now than I have in yrs.And everyone can do it,it is very hard but if I done it anyone can.It only takes YOUR wanting to.

  • http://google michelle

    MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL…….I wish you all the very best of luck.And the best HOLIDAY SEASON ever..We all on here deserve it and so does our families.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Wish me luck first day of the pills i was taking 3 10/500 hydrocodien a day for four years i feel very depressed and fear of the out come of whats to come cheers patrick

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    Stay strong. The worst of the physical will last only a few days. And I’ll wager your depression at this point is more a result of the pills rather than withdrawal. So once it washes away, you’ll feel much better.

    Again, the most difficult part, if you get it, IS the depression / anxiety. It feels so real, so visceral and crushing. I didn’t want to do anything, but doing nothing still didn’t take that horrible pain away. It was the worst mental anguish I’ve ever felt — so dark and deep, like a hole I thought I’d never crawl out of.

    I don’t say this to scare you, but to help. I searched and searched for signs that it was normal, and it was hard to find someone who would say it was. But it is. Remember, even though it’s a very real depression, it is NOT situational — it’s chemical. And it’s temporary. Remember to try to live in the moment. Not an hour from now, not tomorrow. Also, plenty of walks and exercise like hell. Trust me, it works.

    I promise that you will be happy again. I also promise that your sleep patter will return to normal. If you’re up to it, let us know how you’re doing. You’re not alone — Michelle has confirmed pretty much everything I went through. Stay strong, friend.

    Michelle,

    Being clean again is just awesome. As of today, I’m one month and one day out, and I can finally feel stuff again. I get excited about things, and laugh, and tell jokes, and all that. On Saturday, I refused to start decorating the house with my wife until I had burned a Christmas CD, and then I proceeded to sing and dance around like a fool the rest of the day. I loved it — I hadn’t felt like that in years.

    I feel like I’ve gotten back not only who I was before, but also added to that. Moving through that addiction seems to have done something for my appreciation for life. The pain for which I started taking Loritab in the first place is still there, but greatly reduced now that I’m physically and emotionally active again. I didn’t realize how much your state of mind could impact your body.

    I appreciate the support I found here. Without the support structure overall — family, doctor, friends, here — I don’t know if I’d have made it. So thank you.

  • http://google Michelle

    There is know way I could have over come pill abuse without this site.I do know what each and every one of you are going through,And i’m right there with you when you say it was the hardest thing you have ever done.I believed that too until shortly after coming off of those god awful things I had to bury my younger brother it was then that i realized drugs are not worth what you put yourself through or what you put your sober family members through.My brother did die from DRUGS but,it was A different case than what were all going through.But he did start out with the pill only his got harder when the pill didn’t work anymore.But,I will always wonder if his older sister would’ve been in control of myself could i have helped him.I will never know but that is something that will always think about.I guess what I’m trying to say is there is A whole lot worse that we can go through.So always be careful what you ask for,because there can always be a lot worse.Giving him up was a lot harder than giving the damn pill up.I only wish we could all go back and re-do alot of things in our lives.And the holidays coming up sure makes it a lot harder without my BUBBA….He was always so cheerful all the time.I miss him so much.That’s why I say if I can do it anyone can because i was only about 2 months clean when I lost him I could have very easily turned right back to the pill.But,I looked at my two daughters and knowed I never want them to go through anything like that.So hold your head up high and don’t let anything or anyone bring you down.I promise it is all worth it in the end.We will all just build A new chapter to our lives only this time it will be A good one RIGHT….

  • Heather

    Hi Everyone. I’ve been reading everyone’s experiences over the past few days and thought I would share my own. I have been addicted to Lortab for a couple of years now, prescribed for female problems and kidney stones. I had a hysterectomy, so that took care of that pain…no more Lortabs after I healed from that surgery. I was almost excited to have surgery because I knew I would get pain meds, and I’m so ashamed to admit that. Soon after that surgery I developed kidney stones-guaranteed excuse for Lortab. I kept telling my doctor I wanted to pass them on my own, so that I could keep getting refills. This went on for a long time until he finally said I would have to have surgery for them. Well, I managed to stretch that out fir several weeks, calling their office and requesting refills. I finally just got tired of worrying about the pills. They were controlling my life. I was always worried about whether or not they would call in my refill, I would get anxious when I finished a prescription. They were wearing me out, despite the pleasure they brought. Like many of you, if I would go on vacation I would have to make sure I had enough to get me through. Last week I just decided to quit on my own, cold turkey. I was up to 6-8 pills a day. I felt like crap from Thursday evening until yesterday. Today I feel a little bit better. Not quite as anxious and feeling like I’m in a deep dark hopeless hole. A few weeks ago I couldn’t imagine enjoying a life without my pills. I’m on day 5…I can see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. I know it has to get better, I just need some words of encouragement. Oh, by the way, I’m married, 39 years old, 2 boys, ages 12 and 14. I want to get better got them, so that I can be normal for them all the time, not just when I have my pills.

  • Michael

    Heather,

    First thing you need to know is that the depression you feel WILL pass. It’s normal, many here (including myself) have gone through it, and it does go away. It feels hopeless, and days feel like weeks. It sounds like you’re already done with the worst of it. I say that first because I know that for me, it was the worst and hardest part. I suppose it took about two weeks for me to start feeling pretty normal again. Now, a little over a month out, I’m at a point to where I’m happier overall than I was during any time while I was taking the Loritab.

    As far as feeling ashamed for how you got the script in the first place — well, I did the same thing. I was in pretty bad pain, but the thought of getting pain meds for it made me look forward to continuing to be in pain. In retrospect, it was a sign that I could get addicted, but it’s certainly not an uncommon feeling.

    You’re making a great choice — one that takes a LOT of courage and determination. Just making the choice take guts, whether you stick to it or not. Just try to remember how many people have been in your shoes. You’ll be normal and happy again, without pills. For your family, and for yourself, this is the right road. A hard road, but the right one.

    Michelle,

    That is a hell of a wake-up call. Does it strike you that maybe the hellish time with the Loritab was something that helped make you stronger for the much harder situation with your brother?

  • Heather

    Michael, thank you so much for your reply. I think I have gotten over the worst of the physical part, with the help of Immodium, alternating Tylenol and motrin, and Benadryl at night. The pain in my arms, legs and jaw bones was terrible. The strange thing about the Lortab is that it made me want to eat, and I gained a LOT of weight, but I didn’t even care. Just shows how addicted I was. I am determined to never go down that road again, what started out as something so wonderful became hell, just trying to obtain the pills. Looking back with a semi-clear mind now, I can’t believe I looked forward to pain, surgery, dr appointment, even picking up my pills at the pharmacy was a thrill because they were like candy to me. Isn’t that horrible? I’m do glad I found this website so that I can admit all my terrible thoughts and actions. One thing I always had in the past was willpower, which seemed to have vanished when my addiction took over. I am determined to get it back. I didn’t even get out of bed on Friday, and today I managed to put up my Christmas tree. I know I’m rambling, but this is the first time I’ve admitted any of this. When I first decided to go off the Lortab, I did tell my husband that I wasn’t taking it anymore and I may not feel well for a few days, but he doesn’t know the extent of my addiction. I am determined to beat this, and I feel that if I’ve made it 5 days, I can make it forever.

  • Michael

    Heather,

    The pain around your body, especially hands, feet, stomach, and jaw, is caused by nerves flooding those areas with signals which have been repressed for so long. It’s a temporary condition — it cleared for me after about two weeks. I had super bad jaw pain and stomach pain, as well as very sweaty hands and feet. My doctor said it was a very common withdrawal symptom.

    Not being able to get out of bed sounds very familiar. Let’s see — I think I started to really turn the corner on the depression at about 7 days, and by 10 days, I mainly had strong anxiety in the mornings only. About 14 days out, that started to subside, and at three weeks, it was in control again.

    When I say, “turned the corner,” I don’t mean I was happy again. When the depression was most severe, I felt like I was just in the passenger seat, feeling horrible and not able to do anything without fear and anxiety. When 7 days rolled around, I started getting brief periods of time where I felt like I was in control again. Not happy, but able to function.

    When I saw my doctor, the last thing I wanted to hear was that it takes about a month for the depression to abate. Each hour was terrible — I didn’t think I could make it a whole month. Well, it did start getting better much sooner than that. I know time is moving very slowly for you right now, but you’re almost to the point where it will pick back up. A week from now, you’re going to feel so much better! Even in just a few days, you’ll notice improvement.

    I know what you mean about how the hydrocodone changed you. I am a very optimistic, upbeat, happy, outgoing, honest, caring person. But during the time I was taking Loritab, that all slowly changed. If I wasn’t high, I was depressed and anti-social. I stopped hiking and spending time outside — my favorite activities. I lied to my wife about my addiction, I became self-serving, I lost interest in anything but the pills. I stole pills when I could (even though I had a prescription), manipulated people. I lost a LOT of friends because I wanted to take pills and play video games rather than hang out (even skipped a wedding of one of my closest friends).

    I hated who I had become — the distance between who I used to be and who I changed into. I had constant dark circles under my eyes and looked like the walking dead. Yeah, I’d pop 6 pills at once and feel pretty good, then 4 a little later.

    At this point, I thank God for how hard it was to withdraw, and even for the depression. It’s a very hard lesson to learn, but if it were easy, what’s to keep you from going back? I admit all that now because not admitting denies the reality of who I had become. Hang in there — you WILL pull through. So many of us have been there and come back out on the other side. It’s not easy, but you’ll be all the stronger for it when all is said and done.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    I am on day three, this site is really helping me to understand withdrawals so thanks every one for your help

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    Day 3 — awesome! Just a couple more days. Stay strong, and hang in there!

  • Heather

    7 days!!! I’ve survived so far!!!

  • Heather

    Michael, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. The last paragraph you wrote about how tough it is, and if it weren’t tough we would go back to using, so true. The struck me so deep. I know I’m only 7 days out and will continue to fight this battle, but each day is getting a bit better. I had a bad evening…crying for no reason, grouchy, but I know that is part of this battle.

  • http://google michelle

    Michael,it may be the case that it made me a lot stronger for the situation that I had to go through.I honestly believe every thing happens for A reason.But,I wish more than any thing I could have my brother back.It’s just not the same without him.He called me every morning and i would wake up to him saying good morning sunshine I love you.That was something he done every morning for as long as I can remember.And i miss that so much.Maybe one day it’ll get easier but at this point it sure seems like it’s not.But,i want to thank you so much for being someone to talk to in such A rough time in my life.It has really meant a lot talking to people that seem to really care.Feels like i’ve known you for A long time even though i haven’t.But,I truly thank you for being such A good listener.

  • again and again

    My story sound so much like everyone elses. I started them with severe migraines. Dr’s gave them like candy for a while. Then I took more than was presxribed and my husband helped me buy off the streets. Then I found my own netowrk of people to buy from. I needed them to get our of bed. Set my alarma an hour early just to feel like going to work. The sad thing is I am a professional counselor I know better. I went through detox about 8 months ago. Stayed clean for 4 months then started using again. Today I am at hour 49 of no hydros. I am freezing cold but feeling somewhat better. Taking vitamins and hot showers and making myself get dressed and do “normal” activities. I don’t want to and don’t feel like it but I have to for my own mental health. Get cute feel cute!!! I really want to believe that!!!! But I want my life back. I am married and have 5 children. They need me to be energentic and on top of things. The posts here really do help!!! There was life before my addiction and I am positive there is life after it. I keep telling myself that even though right now I dont believe it.

  • again and again

    Okay. So I have showered gotten dressed and picked up the living room. I am going to do my best to have mind over matter and will myself energetic.

  • Michael

    Heather,

    7 days! I consider that to be a milestone. And yeah, random crying is part of the fight. When I was on day 3 or so, I cried at my desk at work. I was so embarrassed, but no one saw or heard me. I had to get outside, where I bawled. It took me completely by surprise.

    You’re very close to climbing out of that pit. I estimate that within the next two days or so, it’ll lift to the point where you can look forward to things again. Stay strong!

    Michelle,

    I’ve not been in a position to lose someone so close to me — I can’t know what it’s like. But I shudder to imagine it, and know that it takes someone inherently strong to be able to go through that and not fall back into an addiction.

    Again,

    You don’t give yourself enough credit with your username. :) It’s not about doing it again and again — what you’ve done — but what you’re doing right now.

    The absolute hardest part, in my opinion, is the crushing depression, and it sounds like you’re in it right now. I don’t care if you’ve experienced it before — it’s so real in the here and now. It will lift and fade away, and you WILL be happy again. I have no doubt of that for anyone in this position. Try walking. Or better yet, something that will wear you out. It’ll force your metabolism to flush your body and, more importantly, jump-start the natural production of serotonin and dopamine that has been artificially inflated for so long.

    Hang in there. The first week is hell. Then it gets better.

  • again and again

    I thought I was over the worst of it but now at hour 52 im about to crawl out my skin I want a pill so bad. The day has went by so slowly. These posts r all that is keeping me from begging and borrowing to get drugs. I want night to come so I can go to bed and hope that tomorrow I wake up feeling better. Not n option my baby is sleeping in the next room and I have to somewhat function for her. My husband at work and cannot come home. I am truly struggling.

  • Michael

    Again,

    Have you been able to tell your husband about your situation? Or your doctor? I found one of the best psychological things I did was disclose it all to my wife, and brought my doctor in on it. I went until day 4 before I called my doc, but I’m really glad I did. If you can’t tell anyone, that makes it harder, but obviously not impossible. :)

    You feel like each minute is an hour, each hour is a day — and a day is a lifetime. It sucks horribly. You feel like you want to grab that knot in your chest and just rip it out. I’ve been there.

    Take it one minute at a time. Don’t even worry about “day to day” right now, but focus on the “moment to moment.” Soon — within a few days — the veil will start to lift. Just stay strong; for yourself, your husband, and your child. God bless, and hang in there.

  • again and again

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. And yes he knows and tries to understand but he’s not going through it. I am. I hear what you mean about the knot in my chest. I thought earlier I was feeling better but now at hour 54 I feel worse. I am just praying that in the morning at 72 hours my body temp regulates and I feel much improved!!!! Thanks for the posts it does help soooo very much.

  • again and again

    Ok. So I know my emotions are so up and down. Now I am PISSED OFF!!!! I am so sick of this up and down s*** I do to myself!!! I am drinking a protein shake taking more vitamins and am determined to feel better. I just wish I wan’t damn cold!!!!! The south is warm right now and am cold like live in Minnesota. nLOL.

  • again and again

    So I know I am posting alot but it does help my mind busy and the replies help tremendously. Now I am at around 54 hours and the diarrhea has appeared. yuck. I am determined not to take anything to make me sleep b cuz that makes my head fuzzy and I am tired of that. When I did medical detox for 5 days I quit the detox drugs after day 2 b cuz I couldn’t stand the sleepy groggy feeling. I couldn’t tell wht was withdrawals and what was detox drugs. My mind is clear my body temp is still way off. The knot in my chest is way better than several hours ago. The cravings are better. You are right not a day at a time a moment at a time!! I did some laundry! I want to go for a run!!

  • again and again

    57 hours and I took a nap. I still feel wiped out. But almost bedtime. I found a friend who is clean for 2 weeks and going to meetings. I am going to c her tomorrow to help with the boredom and idol mind. I am truly praying that in the morning the beginning of my third day 72 hours I will start to feel more normal and less lethargic.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    I am on day 5 i have lots of ups and downs but the flu feelings are almost gone i do not want to go though this again so any one who is like me hang in there its going to be worth the pain cheers

  • Michael

    Again,

    I said a prayer for you last night — I hope it found its way to you. By now you’re at 72 hours. The worst of the physical is going to peak today, then start to fade off. I know that it feels like a million years, but by Sunday, you should be feeling much better.

    Just remember to take it moment to moment. Right here and now is what matters; not tomorrow or even an hour from now. But right now.

    Patrick,

    Day 5 — the worst is done! Stay strong, and you’ll pull through here pretty soon. :)

  • http://google michelle

    Good morning everyone,hope you all had A some what better night.I know what you all are going through and it is pure hell,I’m 4 months clean so I’ve been right where each and every one of you are right now.ButI promise it does get better.Just don’t give up give your self A chance to feel better and feel like you used to again,it’s pretty amazing.I’m not saying it’s not hard because I know it is one of the hardest things ever to do but with belief in your self you can do any thing that you want to do.I hope you all have A wonderful day.Maybe do some Christmas decorating or something to occupy your mind.IT DOES GET BETTER,AND THEN YOU WILL FEEL WONDERFUL! ! ! ! !

  • again and again

    You are right I am exactly at 72 hours this moment. Thank you for the prayers. I got up fairly clear headed this morning and didnt feel like a truck had ran over me. Body temp is better. I took something to help me sleep last night. Was pretty restless but definately better. now I am struggling with wanting to go buy some. However for today I will NOT!!!!!! I am dressed and put make up on for the first time in 3 days. I am going out to a friends house to occupy my mind and body. The boredom is killing me. My husband works 12-14 hours a day so I am terribly bored and spend lots of time alone. Not good for an addict. your workds of encouragement are invaluable to be. I have forgotten what it feels like to not have drugs in my system…..amazing huh??? So anyway off I go!!

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    thanks every one for your help, this has been a real hard day on day five i was O K this morning then i went down hill thanks

  • Michael

    Again,

    Each day you wake up will be better. It’s rough going for a relatively short time, but when all is said and done, you’re going to feel great because you’re clean, and you’re going to feel great because you were strong enough to make it through this.

    Try walking — just walking around the block, or in the woods, or whatever you’ve got nearby. It really does do wonders.

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    It comes in waves. The worst of the physical is about done. What you have left is the end of the diarrhea, a little while of possible jaw and stomach pain, and difficulty sleeping. The sleep will start coming back around soon — certainly by the end of two weeks. The other physical will be faded off by then.

    What is worst right now is that depression and anxiety. If anything was going to pull me back to taking the pills, it would have been that. If you’ve already had a good day, that means you’ve gotten past that “deep dark hole” that you don’t think you’ll ever climb out. Now you know you can climb out.

    Day 6 for me was still very hard. After that day, though, that’s when I started to see improvement. Day 7 was difficult, but I could will myself to do things. Day 8 was slightly better. By the morning of day 14, I was well enough to laugh and smile for real. From that point on, when I felt in control again, I was OK.

    There’s a difference between feeling down, and feeling depressed. Down is where you’re just kinda bored, or a little mopey. Depression is much more intense. It’s a real chemical imbalance that feels horrible. The depression part of hydrocodone withdrawal is pretty solid the first 3 to 5 days, then you get short periods without it, with each period lasting a little longer until you don’t get them any more. That tapering off lasted from day 6 to day 14 for me, with day 6 giving me about an hour of feeling OK, and day 14 with an hour of feeling depressed. After that, I just felt “down” for a week, and even that was lifting.

    Now, almost 5 weeks out, I’m already happier than I have been in 3 years. And each day is better and better. There is a light out there — just hang on and you’ll see it.

    Remember that if you slip back, you’ll only have to experience this again. Stay above that, and the cycle of addiction and withdrawal will yield to the happiest and clearest you’ve been in a long, long time.

  • again and again

    I totally get the depression and the anxiety. It is awful!!! I am so impatient and frustrated with EVERYONE!!! I have ripped my husbands head off for 2 days and he is so patient and sweet. So encouraging and good about it. I just need to feel better I hate that it takes so long. 2 weeks seems like nothing if it were a vacation, or school or a job but 2 weeks of flu, diarrhea, lethargy, pit in stomach is hard to deal with!!! But moving to 96 hours I CAN do this!!!!

  • archer

    Wow I have been on hydro since a shoulder injury 4 years ago. I run out yesterday. No one in my family or friends know that I take them. I have decided to quyte. Some of the things that I read here scares the hell out of me. I really only did 5 to 6 a day but would find them where I could when I was out. I was tempted to steal some the other day when I was clost to out and that made me realize how hooked I was. So here I am 36 hours since my last 2 pills and I damn sure want one

  • Heather

    Archer,

    It is scary but you can get through it. In my experience, you are in the middle of the worst if it right now. I’m 8 days clean and the physical symptoms are pretty much gone, just a bit of restlessness. Nobody close to me knew of my addiction either. It’s a tough thing to admit. Be sure

  • Heather

    Be sure to have Immodium, Tylenol, motrin, and Benadryl on hand. Those will all help. The worst for me has been jaw pain. I figure if I can get through this I CSM handle anything, and so will you. Good luck.

  • http://google michelle

    Wow there are so many people on here,and don’t be ashamed because every one on here is going through the same thing or they would not be on here.Just remember what Michael is telling you that there is light out there.That is so true it may not seem like it now but,i promise there is.I’m 4months clean and being sober sure feels A whole lot better than being high believe it or not.I used to love A hydro buzz better than anything now that I’m SOBER I wonder what in the hell was so special about it because,being SOBER sure feels A hell of A lot better.I am A whole lot more focused on my life and my family.So PLEASE whatever you do just hang in there.The out come is truly worth it.And I have been through A whole lot so believe me when i say it’s worth it,it really is.NO one said it would be easy but I have faith in each and every one of you and in my self.You can do it hang in there.You can beat this and you will be so proud of yourself when you have over come this horrible task.I wish every one the best and I will continue to pray for all of us.

  • Michael

    Again,

    Yes, you absolutely can do it! :) And you’re right — two weeks in this condition feels like it will never come. But you’re rapidly nearing a point where time will regain a normal flow. And you’re in the absolute hardest part of it now… that means the next part will be when it gets easier. And that will be within a few days or so.

    Archer,

    Hang in there. It’s hard, but it’s relatively short. 3-5 days for the physical, then a couple of weeks on depression / anxiety. And not everyone gets the depression / anxiety. I was taking 8-10 per day, and it took me about 1 weeks to feel human again, 2 to feel in control, and 3 to feel happy.

    And I tell you what: I’m 5 weeks out (that’s not all that far) and I’m already super happy — happier than I’ve been in years. And I get better every day. It’s scary, but when you’re done, you’ll be all the stronger for it.

    Heather,

    The jaw soreness will subside at around 2 or 3 weeks out. If your stomach is all twisted up, and your hands and feet keep sweating, it’s from the same nerve impulse symptom and will all subside at the same time. That was one of the annoying things for me too.

    Michelle,

    4 months is spectacular! I can’t wait until I’m there! :D

    Stay strong everyone. Like Michelle said — it is a hell of a lot better to be sober. For us, with addiction potential, it’s not worth slipping back into that cycle. The choices are sobriety, or a depressed life and early death. Remember that — and remember that we all care.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Hi every one out there i hope you are doing well , i am on day six i had a rough day yesterday but i made it though thank god i started taking 800 motrim today that i got from my doctor i hope it helps i just do not want to go back to that life i am biking with my dogs i think getting out the house really helps me to get though the day i have to beleve that i will come out of this cheers

  • Archer

    Hi,
    I appreciate the comments from everybody. 50 hours and no hydro. got a little head ache and i dont feel like doing anything. Im self employed so i must continue to work. took 2 benidryl last night slept ok To be honest at this point I miss the Buzz and if I had some, well lets just say Im glad im out! I am going to call my doc monday and tell him no more refills and ride this damn thing out Good luck everybody!

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Archer its worth it cheers

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    Just one more day before you really start to turn the corner, if you haven’t already. You’ve come this far — I know you don’t want to feel this way again!

    Archer,

    Yeah, if I had pills lying around when I was stopping, I really think I would have taken them to make the pain stop. My plan was to suffer through the withdrawals until I could call my doc for a refill. By day 5, I couldn’t take anymore, and realized I wanted to just get through it and never feel that way again, and as insurance, I told my doctor I was addicted and needed help. That way, I knew he’d never write me another script for it. I screwed myself on getting the pills, but I absolutely don’t regret it because, truth be told, I’d be back in the cycle if I hadn’t.

    It wasn’t until pretty recently — as in the past week or so — that I realized how miserable I was when I was addicted. I felt great when I took 80 mg hydro, but it wore off within a few hours, and I had to take more. Being addicted sucks. Withdrawing from addiction sucks. Being sober — that kicks ass. When all is said and done, it’s 100% worth it.

  • archer

    Yep 53 Hours and counting waiting for the day that it all feels worth it sometimes you want to slap the doctor for giving you the first script. so far it really hasn’t been unbearable. Very unconfortable but what can ya do but ride it out. I’ll tell ya the time sure flew by between pills!Seems to drag a bit now!

  • http://google Michelle

    There you go just keep thinking about those ugly feelings from those withdraws and know one surely wants to go through that again,that is pure HELL…Keep on Riding the storm out.You’ll feel 100 percent better soon.And it is great.

  • http://google Michelle

    Good night every one.I will check in tomorrow.Hope every one gets A great night sleep.And hope tomorrow is A better day for every one.I’ll pray for all of us before i go to sleep.

  • Archer

    72 hours since my last two pills Last pills were thur morning. feeling a little flu like today a little cranky but it seems bareable. My wife and kids think im sick Last night was good had a zanex and slept all night only had one zanex I hate them anyway make me feel like crap next day I need a clear head tomorrow its back to the office

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    I am on day 7 this is best i have felt so far with out this site i dont think i would have made it thanks to every one

  • Michael

    Archer,

    Glad you don’t like the Xanax. Those benzodiazeprines are much more addictive than hydrocodone, believe it or not. They don’t recommend taking them more than 7 days in a row, but they DO help with the sleeplessness and anxiety you’re having now. Hang in there, man. You’re doing great.

    Patrick,

    Day 7 is really, really good. You’re going to transition to the medium-term stuff soon. That’s when it was hardest for me to not take another pill. I was tempted to just steal one at 10 days out. So stay strong, brother.

  • http://google michelle

    Hi,it’s nice to hear that every one is still doing good.i had to attend A formal Christmas party Saturday night for my husbands work.The first formal or any other party for that matter that i had been sober in about 8 or 9 yrs. it was so enjoyable.Every one kept approaching me telling me how beautiful I was.To be honest i didn’t even know how to accept these complements.My husband tells me that i have always been the life of the party(meaning)i never meet A stranger and I’m usually happy go lucky with everyone.I love to dance,joke and have A great time but,i guess all the years using i never really knew how much fun i really must have been having.I only worried about getting my next fix that’s really horrible because i was missing out on A lot of fun.And,the complements made me feel so good.I’ve always had A high self esteem and that just made it even better.And my husband was absolutely the most amazing man around.I had forgotten what him and I had as A relationship we have been married for 21yrs.and it’s nice to know that all the love is still there.But,is still sad that I lost that for all of those years and he just kept holding on(what A great guy)I guess what I’m saying is that we’ve all missed out on to much lets don’t loose anymore.Life is to short.I am so proud of every one and the main thing be proud of YOURSELF.Michael,thank you for being so supportive to everyone it is nice to be able to get on here and know some one like you will read it and respond back that means a lot to all of us.And,Hey were all very proud of you,excuse me I’m proud of every one that is struggling with this UGLY disease.But,i have faith that I know I’m gonna stay clean FOREVER And,I think all of you that has been through this long rough road will also.But,I’m leaving for the night I’ll check back in tomorrow.Hope you all have A great night…

  • Heather

    Michelle,
    Thank you for all of your posts. I’m still not to the point that I feel wonderful, but I’m only on day 11.

    Michael,
    Thank you for all of your words of encouragement. That is what has gotten me through this. 11 days. If I’ve made it this far I’ll never go back. Everyday gets better, but I can’t wait until I feel totally normal.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Thanks every one for your help i am on day8 it seems i get a little better every day i am still a little sad and blue because i lost my best friend hydro i am keeping my self out the house most of the time going to the gym riding my bike and meeting friends for lunch it really helps my mental state to be around people my mind says no its not worth it but i do not lessen to it cheers to the people who are hang ing in there i know its the best thing i have ever down i never want to go back to that life of pills

  • Archer

    96 hours and counting Back to the office today

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    You make a great point. It’s been years since I’ve looked forward to an event without some kind of pill. I haven’t enjoyed something for the sake of what it was in a long time. Thanksgiving was the first family thing I attended after I cleaned up, and I had a blast. I’d forgotten how great it was to just laugh my head off with people with a clear mind. It’s really an awesome feeling.

    I always thought the Loritab would make anything more fun. And maybe it does at first. But after a (pretty short) while, all that wore off and I had to take it to get NORMAL. And normal for me at the time wasn’t even happy — I was depressed within a few weeks of taking it regularly. And eventually I stopped looking forward to things altogether — even with the hydrocodone.

    I’m glad you enjoyed the party. That’s one of the many, many perks of being sober. :)

    Heather,

    Everyone’s body chemistry is different, but it seems that the 14 day mark is that golden point. If you’re on day 11 and feeling better than you were last week, you’ve started that climb up out of the hole and will only get better. I know it’s super hard, but I’m kinda glad it is. It’s a hard lesson to learn, and personally, I know I never want to go back there again. Hang on tight — the light is getting very close. :)

    Patrick,

    Yeah, I was shocked at how much it did feel like an emotional loss when I quit. It was like a really hard breakup, or losing a family member or someone else you loved. There’s that sense of emptiness in your gut, the pain in your chest where you feel like your heart is falling out. Only, it’s completely chemical. Fortunately, being chemical, your body is really good about healing itself and it goes away more quickly.

    Being social and with other people definitely helps. Music, jokes, laughing — it’s all very good. Other stuff that helps a lot is exercise and sex. Both of those get your serotonin and dopamine going, and stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system. All that creates a chemical opposition to the depression and anxiety.

    You’ve made it over a week now, and the hardest is definitely behind you.

    Archer,

    I know time seems to have stopped right now. Soon, however, hours turn into days, then days turn into weeks. This will all be behind you before you know it, and you’ll never have to be here again. Just hang in there. I promise it will get better soon.

  • archer

    When do you stop thinking about missing the hydro?

  • Heather

    Oh my gosh, I never realized it, but it IS an emotional loss. When I finished my last prescription, I was nearly grieving. It was like a breakup or death. Everytime I drove by the pharmacy I felt sad. Michael, I think that you are a genius. You have described every feeling I have felt . I know that I’ve thanked you many times, but thank you again. Reading your posts and encouragement have helped me tremendously.

  • Michael

    Archer,

    I guess it went away along with the worst of the depression, so within about 2 weeks. I had to live life clean for a little bit before I could get back into the, “OK, life really IS good without it” mindset.

    Heather,

    I’m very glad to help. :) When I was going through it, the two concepts that helped me the most were knowing I wasn’t alone, and that it wouldn’t last forever. My goal now is to impart those ideas.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    We are so Lucky to have this help with each other it just makes it so much less painful cheers

  • Monica

    I am started yesterday, 1/2 at 7 am and another 1/2 at 11 am I didnt sleep well last and I am takimg the Amodiane AD, so far so good. I was going to stay home today but I figured I go to work and stay busy. Even though I feel like crap and I am real tired I know this will past, I just hope i am strong enough.

  • Monica

    OMG I am at work, reading all these posts, thank GOD I found this site, me and my other 2 sisters are addicted to these pills I have only quit one before, but all in all I have been on them for almost 1 year. I hope I can get through this and I have been praying through the day today, and then found this site. I will post more later, this makes me feel so much better.

  • Michael

    Monica,

    One of the hardest parts is already behind you, which is making the decision to stop in the first place. For now, you’re going to just have to take this one moment at a time, and when you feel at your worst, just remember how you don’t want to be back here again.

    Lots of water, and try to keep moving around if you can. Walking will work wonders. Tonight, you’ll be at 1 day out, which is a really big milestone. And remember that you’re not alone; many of us have been through it, and it WILL get better.

  • Archer

    Day 5 seems to be the worse so far I am very cranky and have a head ache But I seem to be doing better than some have described on this forum. I really feel pretty lucky. Im not getting alot done at work.

  • Heather

    Archer,
    Day 5 or 6 were kind of tough for me. I cried when my kids had a fight. I was grouchy with everyone. I had a disagreement with my 12 year old a few hours ago. I thought, in the past when I had my pills I wouldn’t have cared. But I was just burying my feelings, I realize now. Seems like a good thing at the time, but looking back it was very, very bad.

  • Archer

    So If you were looking forward to a day that everything kinda returns to normal what would you say

  • Archer

    Oh hust hit 100 hours

  • Michael

    Archer,

    Not everyone gets the extended depression. Some people have it for a few days beyond the initial physical symptoms, and some don’t get it at all. To me, it was the worst part of it, and if you’re not feeling it by now, then I’d wager you probably won’t. And you’re very blessed. :D

    Keep an eye on it though, and good luck!

  • http://google michelle

    Archer to be honest i’m 4 months clean and i still to this day think about hydros and have some pretty strong cravings sometimes.But,I do know what gets me through it is not ever wanting to back to the place that i was when I was first trying to get clean.That was pure hell,I don’t think hell could be worse than that.i can tell you that you have to be stronger than the cravings that you have.but,the first and best step is the one you’ve already taken so just keep on pulling it does get better I promise…Don’t whatever you do PLEASE don’t give in you can do it be strong you already have the will to beat this horrible habit.

  • http://google michelle

    Heather,thank you I’m very glad you have read my post if you have read them all you can see that i have been through living HELL with the hydros with my brother passing.But,i do believe what michael says there is A brighter light out there it is just up to us to see it.Don’t give up you are already through the worst of it.And,it does get better and you will feel so much better.I know it doesn’t seem possible right now but it does and YOU will be so proud of YOUR SELF and that is the main thing make your self HAPPY again.I didn’t think i could ever be happy with out my pills.But the the truth of it was is that I wasn’t happy with it.And i can see that now and it want be much longer and you will too.Keep riding that storm out the ride will get a lot smoother.I will be praying for you and I know you can do it.

  • http://google michelle

    Michael,Thanks for being there for every one.It is awfully nice of you to be here every day.but,I guess know one knows better than us how it helps to just know that your not alone.And having some one to get on here and talk to helps more than anything.i feel like i’ve known you for a long time and i’m sure every one wants to thank you for being on here.I look at it like this if I have helped one person i’ve done A grand job that day.And I know I probably couldn’t have done it without this site.So Thank you again for being A great friend to every one on here and Thanks to every one else on here.i think we all deserve to reward our selves.We have all come A long way Lets just keep trucking NO stopping and turning back now.I truly hope that every body on here accomplishes this unbearable task.I know all of us can keep up the good work.But,right now bed time for me.Good night to all I will be praying for us all…Hope everyone gets A good night sleep.Talk to you all tomorrow.

  • http://google michelle

    Heather day 11 is wonderful and you are well on your way to feeling wonderful now.It want be much longer you are through the hardest part.So you will feel wonderful again soon….

  • Michael

    Archer,

    Regarding when you’ll be back to completely normal — everyone is different. Some people take a week, some take a month. All I can speak from is my personal experience. What I’ve experienced was that even though I hadn’t gotten to “normal” yet after about 2.5 weeks, the depression had gone away, so I had weathered what, in my opinion, was the hardest part. I’m a little over 5 weeks out, and I still have some jaw soreness some days. That’s not normal, but my mind is perfectly healthy again. The jaw pain will be completely gone within a month or so from now, according to my doctor.

    So it does take time to recover, but you’ll hit a point where life turns good again before you’re completely better. My best estimate is around 2 weeks, but again, we’re all different.

    Michelle,

    Thank you for the positive words. I saw how you had been supportive of people before and while I was going through this, and knowing that you had weathered it and moved on was of a great deal of help to me. I think I just want to pass that on — repayment, if you will. :) When we’re no longer posting here, I would hope someone else would do the same thing.

    God bless you all, and just know that being on this board — trying to quit — means the most difficult part is behind you.

  • Heather

    Michelle, thank you for all that you’ve shared on here. I’m so sorry about your brother. How sad. I hope you’re ok.

    Michael, I’m glad that you said that it is normal to still be gettin the jaw pain. I still get it and worry…what if I’m not getting through this like I should. But o know everyone is different.

  • Heather

    I am wondering when my motivation to get things done around the house will come back. When I was taking the Lortab, I was Supermom. Now it takes everything I’ve got just to load the dishwasher and do laundry. :( it’s day 12, do hopefully soon.

  • res

    i’m going on 24 hours cold turkey from 3 different things yet all opiates…phenergan/codeine, lorcet..and roxi…horrible time dealing with the nasty sand aching feeling in my bones..stomach feels like its on fire yet my body feels cold..i dont give a damn if it kills me for stopping all at once but i will beat this crap of addiction..i have well over 3months supply of each and started flushing them bout 30min ago..i hope life gets easier with time…heres to the good life coming up!

  • Heather

    Res,
    First of all, congratulations on making the decision to quit. You will feel like you’re dying for a few days but it won’t kill you. I’m 12 days clean and I thought I would die too, but I’m alive. I didn’t think I could live without my pills but I have. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Be sure to have Tylenol, motrin, immodium and benadryl on hand for the first 5-6 days.

  • Archer

    Well,
    here I am 8 hours into day 6 and I do admit that I am feeling better. The withdraws went pretty good. I am missing the buzz but I hope that will pass soon. I am praying for a good attitude buy christmas.

  • Michael

    Heather,

    I had the same worry — that maybe I wasn’t going through the normal withdrawal. That’s one reason going to my doctor helped so much. He was able to confirm what I was going through. Don’t worry, the anxiety and depression you’re feeling is going to make you feel as though you’re not on the right track — but you are.

    As far as the drive to do things, that will vary from person to person. Day 12 in a good position. It took me two weeks to get over the main part of the depression / anxiety. It WILL come back for you. You probably already have time windows where you feel OK. Those windows get bigger pretty quick until you’re good all the time.

    Res,

    Lots and lots of water for now. Try to take some time off work or school if you can, it’ll feel like you have a really bad flu. Hang in there, and this will pass in a few days! You can start getting different advice at that point.

  • Heather

    It will get easier everyday but you will make it. Alternate the tylenol and motrin every 4 hours. Take the immodium as needed for diarrhea and benadryl to help you sleep and also for a runny nose. This site will help you tremendously. I wouldn’t have made it this far had it not been for the encouragement and support from the wonderful people here. Good luck to you.

  • Heather

    Michael, once again, THANK YOU!!!! Yes, I do have windows of time that I feel fine, mostly when I am keeping busy, which I guess is the key. Your advice has been priceless. :)

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Hi every one i am now on day 9 and every day is a little better still feel sad but now have faith its going to better because of the people that helped me though day one

  • res

    i have read every post and i got to say theres alot of strong minded people in this world…you gots are my inspiration to get thru these nasty few weeks i have ahead of me….i’ve just got done flushing everything…i just hope what i’m going through now i wont have to deal with it ever again…i thank each and every one of you guys..i feel like i found a new family

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Good luck Res its worth it

  • Heather

    Patrick, I’m on day 12 and still feel some sadness and anxiety, especially in the mornings. Each day is getting better and better.

    Res, congratulations to you for flushing your pills. It will be the best thing you’ve ever done. I also feel that I’ve found family on here. They understand like nobody else does. Please give updates on your progress.

  • Heather

    13 days and I feel better than I have in a long time…I hope it lasts.

  • Archer

    Starting Day 7 feeling pretty good I really Havent had a real bad time after the first 3 days. The cravings are still there but after 4 years on the stuff Im not complaining. I havent called my Dr yet to cancel refills having hard time with that for some reason

  • http://google michelle

    I am so very proud of everyone on here.I have been on here in A day or two,have had Drs. and dental appts. with my daughters.But,i wanted to briefly check in and see how every one was doing.Sounds like everyone is doing pretty good.Keep up the good work your almost there.And remenber it is all sooo worth it in the end.Got to go to another dental appt.so I better go I’ll be back on later.Good Luck to every one…

  • Michael

    Heather,

    You must be going through a very similar process to the one I went through. Mornings were the hardest for me in terms of the anxiety and depression. My “time windows” of being OK started in the evenings, and lasted about an hour to start, and would expand by about an hour each day. I guess the whole process took a little over a week. One day I just woke up feeling fine. If you’re at day 13 and feel better this morning, I think tomorrow you’ll feel fine too.

    The overwhelming depressive periods are probably done for you — and you’ll know for sure tomorrow. After that, there’s still some lingering sadness, but it’s not like the physical feeling anymore at all. You’re much more in control of it, and you only really feel down for brief periods. That lasted for me for about another week after I felt better. Then I crossed over the threshold of actually being happy. :)

    I know “a week” sounds more like years when you’re in the really bad part of the depression, but time does return to normal. At 5 weeks and 5 days out, I feel great. So happy, I enjoy doing things again (hiking, video games, movies, etc), and find satisfaction in labor. Making dinner was impossible a few weeks ago. Now I look forward to getting home so I can fire up the stew.

    You’re in the home stretch. And you should be VERY proud of yourself. You made it beyond the most painful and difficult parts of it all, and that’s a huge accomplishment. Soon, you’ll be happier than you ever were while taking the hydrocodone, and life will come back into color.

    In the long run, you’ll need to control the urge to take some. While in the depression, the pain is very fresh, and you can say, “I can’t believe I took something that could make me feel this way.” But when the depression is over, it’s very, very easy to say, “OK, I’m better. In fact, I want to feel even BETTER! Just one or two pills can’t hurt.” And maybe they won’t, but I know from my experience that I just wouldn’t stop at one or two.

    I passed my first “test” yesterday. I had a window of time where I had access to oxycodone, oxycontin, and fentanyl. A buffet of awesomeness, right? I had to leave where I was because the urge was so strong. But I didn’t take it. I think that’s the long-term part of “withdrawal.” That will last for years, if not the rest of my life. I finally had to accept that yesterday. I wish I didn’t have this addiction, because I have legitimate pain, and at times, feel like I do need the extra help opiates provide. But I know my brain and chemistry don’t allow me that option anymore.

    As you step out of the depression, just try to remember how much pain you were in. Try to remember how your family had to walk with you through the addiction, and through this horrible withdrawal process. You don’t want to put yourself, or them, through that again.

    I’m incredibly happy and proud you made it this far. :)

    Res,

    I’m glad you found this support. I think that the most beneficial thing in going through withdrawals is the support of people who’ve been there.

    Right now, you’re probably feeling pretty bad. You’re in the normal swing of withdrawal, so keep in mind that this will pass soon.

    Advice for right now:

    Lots of water — you’re going to need to drink water all day long. Your body is purging itself, and you’ll use up all your water in doing that.

    If you can stand it, try a hot bath or something like it. I hear it really helps with the muscle pains.

    Also, I know you’re not sleeping. You can try Benadryl, which may help, or melatonin, which you can get at any health store. What I did was just know that my body would sleep when it was critical, and just accepted that my sleep pattern would be messed up for a little while. You can get by with less sleep — you’ll sleep what your body needs, so try not to worry about that for now. Your sleep will return to normal within a few weeks, but will start getting better much sooner.

    Lastly, I do recommend seeing your doctor. I know that’s not an option for many people, but he or she will be able to give you the medical help (advice, medicines if needed) that we can’t provide. I came clean to my doctor when I was on day 5. I screwed myself on getting anymore opiates in doing so, but that’s pretty much why I did that. And his advice and guidance was invaluable.

    But if you can’t, that’s OK to. Try to find someone you can tell who can help you through it. Stay strong — the next few days will be rough. I’ve been there, as have many other people on this board. You’ll get through it.

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,I know the feeling of having to leave A buffet like that.I have to walk away because i couldn’t or should I say wouldn’t stop at one or two.That was always my problem that was one of my reasons for knowing that I had to stop.But,I also had a lot of wake up calls right in front of my face.My best friend was found dead by her youngest son which was the age of 15yrs. old last Memorial weekend due to A over dose of Morphine,Hydrocodone,and xanax.To me that was really A close call of reality.And, then watching what her children were and are still going through has been really horrible.I can only now wish that we both would have stopped this foolishness before it had ever gone that far.So needless to say I lost my best friend which was like A sister to me and in october I lost my Brother.His was a lot more serious condition than I think that mine was but,still all in all that doesn’t make it any easier.Now i sit here with my eyes wide open to face all this that was done wrong.I tell my self every day i have to keep going for my wonderful daughters that is what has gotten me through this horrible sitiuation.I am very proud that this is not or never will be A problem for me again I will be in control and can honestly say that I’ll never go back.I will remain getting on here until i feel like I am completely well.And,also I feel very good if i feel like I can help just one person A day that makes it so worth it.I wish I would have been in A place where I could have helped my brother and my friend i don’t think that I will ever get over that.But,I do have to go on.It has to get better right????

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    It definitely has to get better. I can’t imagine losing my best friend and my brother in the span of less than a year. It’s gut-wrenching to have all that happen, especially in such proximity. But for you to deal with all that, and still pull yourself from this addiction, shows tremendous strength and, in my opinion, is an incredibly powerful inspiration to people who don’t think they could do it. It’s easy to fall back to an addiction when stresses come into your life. That you haven’t is just awesome.

    As far as the cravings go, I suspect they also go away. It’s not like I feel a physical need to take it. I just think of how elated I could get, and there’s a very powerful mental urge to take just a taste. It’s like a strong habit — something that you don’t have to do, but feel compelled to somehow. It’s hard to describe.

    But I have a family member very close to me who battled through a monster of an addiction for almost 10 years. It almost consumed her completely. Hard-code stuff, too. Coke, crack, meth — the uppers. She said it took her three years of being sober to finally feel like she didn’t need or want to take it again. So the cravings do eventually go away, it’s just that it’s the longest part of recovery. She’s now back to her old self, and is who I’ve looked to for inspiration through this. It’s hard, but it could always be harder.

  • http://google michelle

    Michael,I do know what you mean when you say it can always be harder.That’s why I say always be careful what you ask for because it can always be A hell of a lot worse.but,I am determined to get through all that I have been through this year.It has been very hard i want lie but I’ll never go back to drugs again.You know it really doesn’t help anything it only made things worse we just did not see that.I am so proud that every one is doing so well.I feel like we have all been friends for A long time.This has really helped me and i know it has done the same for every one on here.Thanks again for being on here and listening it means A lot…Good night to you all,Hope you all get A good night rest.Talk to everyone in the morning.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    GOOD MORNING VERY ONE I AM ON DAY 11 AND GETTING LITTLE BETTER EVERY DAY NOW I AM GETTING THE MENTAL URGE SAYING TRY IT ONE MORE TIME THIS TIME YOU WILL GET THAT WONDERFUL FEELING THAT I HAVE NOT HAD FOR A LONG TIME I AM NOW GOING TO A 12 STEP PROGRAM I THINK I WILL NEED HELP WITH THIS ADDICTION FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I JUST DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT HELL I HOPE EVERY ONE IS DOING IT AT ONE DAY AT A TIME ALL THE BEST TO ALL YOU BRAVE PEOPLE PATRICK

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    I so glad you’ve made it this far, and that you recognize that a program will help. It’s so hard for me to admit that I have an addiction problem. It sounds like you’ve accepted it and are taking steps to help yourself through it. I’m SO happy for that!

    Day 11 means you should be getting near the end of the depression and anxiety. As far as taking another pill, I know from past experience that it takes months to lose enough tolerance to make it as powerful a high as it used to be. 11 days out, you still probably wouldn’t feel anything anyway. So you’re not really missing out. :)

    Hang in there and stay strong!!

  • http://google Michelle

    Patrick,Michael is so right but,I think that just one more would put you right back in the position that your so close to being away from PLEASE don’t even take A half of one.I know from experience,or at least that was what happened to me on several occasions.I would try to quit and i would say one can’t hurt but,believe me when i tell you that it only takes one for you to be back where you started from it sooo not worth it.You can do it I have faith in you.For #1 if you did not want to quit you would not be on here in the first place.So this time let your self be the WINNER ok.It is so worth it in the end.WE all only thought that these pills made us feel better but,I’m 4months clean and I feel way better than I ever did when I was really abusing hydros.So just keep fighting the urge it’s just that ugly demon trying to pull you back in that horrible cycle so what ever you do don’t let it.You have come way to far to turn back now.I wish you the very best.And I’m always on here and a lot of others also if you just need to talk I know that helped me more than anything.So hang in there were all pulling for you your not alone.And if I may add your doing AWESOME….

  • http://google Michelle

    seems to me the closer it gets to Christmas the more stressed i get here lately i think it has a lot to do with just missing my BROTHER like crazy.He always had A good time with my daughters during this time of year.So really doesn’t seem like the Holiday season to me.But I have to make it through this and be happy for my daughters and my wonderful husband.My husband always gets me A really nice gift on Christmas so i’ve got to get in the mood just don’t know how.Would my friends happen to have any suggestions on how to make me cope with this and seem happy during this time even though I may not be.Nothing to do with me being unhappy with my family.i guess I’m still doing a lot of grieving.But,HEY I NEVER TURN BACK TO PILL FOR RELIEF,does not work any ways.And,I am proud of myself for over coming my addiction.I hope every one is feeling good today.

  • Michael

    I agree whole-heartedly with Michelle. Don’t even try a half a pill. It’s like an alcoholic with just one shot of whiskey. I’d love to have some hydro right now, but I KNOW I would fall right back into it. The moments of craving come and go, but I’d rather have that than spiral back to where I started.

    Michelle,

    I’m no professional, but I’d say your anxiety is situational and not related to withdrawal. I can’t IMAGINE someone not feeling this loss you’ve suffered when the first Christmas comes around. You’re probably going to need to lean very heavily on your family. Also, what do you do to prepare for the holidays? Baking, decorating, etc? Just try to keep yourself occupied. It really helps. :) I’ve no doubt that you are incredibly strong.

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,Thanks yes i do love baking my daughters have always made it A tradition to do this together and we have so much fun doing this.I haven’t decorated yet other than our tree,i usually do the outside but this year I just haven’t had it in me.But maybe if i would it would surely take my mind off of some things.Thanks for all of your advise it really means a lot and is helpful .And knowing someone can understand what I’m going through just the talking and understanding means a lot so thank you again Michael.maybe next Christmas will be a lot easier.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    good morning every one i am on day 12 , had a rough day yesterday but made it though so i am getting stronger with bad days thanks to this web site its the only resen i am still clean thanks patrick

  • Heather

    Ptrick, day 12 is awesome! I’m on day 15. You will have bad days, but from what everyone says, they will get fewer and fewer. This site is the only thing that hasgotten me through also. Your bad days, I’m sure, aren’t as bad as your first 2 or 3. Just look back on those and remember how awful you felt and how far you’ve come. How far we’ve all come. :)

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    I haven’t been in your shoes, but I do strongly feel that next Christmas will be much better. I’ve been working with our local hospice for 3 years (the one place I was never tempted to steal meds from), and when a patient passes, we like to keep seeing the close family for 13 months to help through all the anniversaries. Once you get past all the “first since…” moments, the pain will start to give way to fond memories. :)

    Patrick,

    As Heather said, day 12 is awesome! The pain of depression is probably less today. Are you exercising? That really does help a lot. How’s sleep so far? Can you get 7 hours yet? If not, you’re just about there and will get it by this weekend.

    Heather,

    Day 15… that was pretty much the day I knew I was going to be just fine. It was a Sunday, and I remember sitting in church thinking, “Man, no anxiety this morning, hardly any depression!” I still had moments of the “black hole” feeling, but they were very few and far between, and by the following Thursday — day 19 — they were all gone. Day 21 was rough only because I was sick and stuck inside all day laying on the sofa. I got a little depressed because of that, but it wasn’t the “black hole” depression, just a little sad. It’s funny how clear my memory is of those weeks. Time moved so slowly, I can recall almost each moment, what I was doing, and how I felt. Now I’m back to “life is moving way to damn fast!! I can’t keep up!” I’m so proud that you’ve made it this far. I think the next step for you to have to deal with is the craving. I’m still in that spot, and I don’t have a ton of advice yet. :/

    I’m one day shy of 6 weeks. No depression, no anxiety. Each day that passes, I’m happier. I’ve said it before, but I’m literally happier than I’ve been in 3 years. And that’s saying a lot. Life is SO good now without meds. I AM in some pretty decent pain sometimes, but I can deal with it in other ways.

    I do feel the desire to take hydro again. I have to remind myself how shitty I felt just a few weeks ago, and how I never want to be back there again. It helps that I don’t have easy access to it usually. But when it’s nearby, I get an itch that I can’t scratch. That’s when I have to remind myself, then distract myself from thinking about it. Part of me says, “NOOOOO!! You can’t go through that again!!” And another part says, “It’s cool. It’s not like you’re going to fall down again. Just take one or two, and you’ll feel great.”

    I never knew what cravings were until this. So we all just need to stay strong. Don’t ever forget how HARD the withdrawals were once you make it through them. Remember how close you came to losing your life, your job, your family. Just think about how clear your mind is, and how happy you are now. And if you do fall, try not to be too ashamed to pick yourself back up. You can beat this thing.

  • Michael

    Oh, and I figured out how to link to specific comments. If anyone wants to read through the early parts of my withdrawal, here’s my first post:

    http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to-beat-hydrocodone-addiction/comment-page-14/#comment-77484

  • Michael

    I noticed I padded my first post because I was still ashamed about some things. I had been taking some form of pain med for 1.5 years, starting with tramadol, then the hydrocodone. I had been taking the hydro regularly for about a year, and was up to 8-10 a day when I quit. Also, at the time of my first post, I had a refill ready for the following week and was debating on filling it. I think I ratted myself out to my doctor the day after that post, so I ended up not refilling. Also, I had been drinking quite a bit before and during the pain medication treatment. I stopped that the day I stopped the hydrocodone. That had been feeding into the depression I was experiencing before withdrawal. I wasn’t addicted to the alcohol, but it was not helping the situation. And I know of people who became alcoholics because they were withdrawing from opiates, and I didn’t want that.

  • Heather

    Michael, it seems that my path to recovery does seem to be a lot like yours. Your advice to me has been so valuable! Everyone’s has. It’s ok that you padded your first post; this is some tough stuff to admit! I thank God that He led me to this site. How amazing that you have had access to pills and haven’t relapsed. That is wonderful!! The past 2 days have been a true test for me: both of my kids have been home because of snow days. 2 kids with cabin fever. It’s been tough and in the past I don’t think I could have done it without any Lortab. This is so hard to admit, but I used to make sure I had enough pills to get me through the weekend before I would let them have friends stay over. How awful of me! But I felt like if mom didn’t have her pills, mom couldn’t be nice and fun to be around. :( it’s so nice not to have to worry about it now. I have my moments, but the happiness is starting to outweigh the sadness. I even have almost all of my Christmas shopping done!

  • http://google michelle

    Hey,it sounds like every one is doing good today.I’m so proud of every body on here.This has been A tremendous task for all of us and so far we’ve all over come A very bad situation.Thanks Michael,i do think the first things Holidays and such without my brother is gonna be the worst.I have so many wonderful memories of us and him I will make it through this it just seems so hard at this stand point right now i’m sure it’ll get some easier as every day passes.But gosh do I miss him so much.But,enough of this has every one got their Christmas shopping done yet.I only wish I could get in the mood just don’t have it this year.I think that takes your mind off of more uglier things though.Hope you all have A wonderful day….Talk to every one later.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Good morning very one i am on day 13 over, 2 years ago i had friend who went to 2 to rehabs for hydrocodien he had been clean for over 2 years i called him a couple of years ago for him to help get off the pills he really help me to stay clean for a while then he was cleaning his house and he found some pills and he started again then a friend of of mine told me he toke his life because he could bare to go back to rehab he was very heavy user like 30 a day i could not beleve it thats how deadly this addiction is when i first met him years ago we would play tennis all the time we knew nothing about pills just having a good time with out any thing its so sad, thats why i have to go to 12 step program good luck to every one patrick

  • Archer

    Just checking in Im on Day 10 still clean I dont feel overly motivated but seem to be getting along ok I even have periods of time that IU dont think about the pills. But then there are Times like now that it is all I can think about. But I will not give in it is getting eaiser

  • Anonymous

    Archer, it will get easier and easier. I’m on day 17 and I still think about them, about how great they made me feel. And then I think about how much anxiety they caused me to have, worrying about running out, getting more, etc. And finally, I think about the hell I’ve gone through getting clean. And although I’m definitely still recovering I know the hardest part is behind me and I don’t want to go back to that place again. My periods of sadness and anxiety are getting shorter and shorter now. I used to think that the pills were a cure for my anxiety, now I honestly believe they were the source of it. I’m free of their burden now. Your motivation will come back. Mine us just now starting to. Good luck, my friend.

  • http://google michelle

    Have had A wonderful day so far.It gets better and better everyday.Have A wonderful nights sleep.hope all does well in the morning..Will be praying for you all.

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Good Morning
    I am on day 14 i feel a little sad that i do not feel better then i thought i would after almost 2 weeks, i am not sure if i am sad or depressed the evenings are the worst i go out biking or i run it helps a little have a happy day to all of you .

  • http://google michelle

    Patrick,i think everyone is different because I don’t thin I was feeling the best at 2 weeks either but it will get better.I think the sadness and depression is A complete mind thing because your thinking of it and it is trying to pull you back into that vicious cycle whatever you do don’t let that happen you’ve come to far.It is time for you to be the winner.Good luck and I truly wish you the best.Just remember you CAN DO IT ……

  • http://google michelle

    Michael I can tell you are doing much better haven’t seen you on here.If you don’t come back we will miss you.But also very proud of you CONGRATULATIONS……

  • Heather

    Michael, I just wanted to add to what Michelle said. I don’t think I could have come this far without your advice and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The advice that you, Michelle, everyone has given me has been priceless. Good luck and congratulations!

  • Jerrell

    Just wondering how long the depression lasts…
    I have been tapering for a month and at one point was down to 2.5mg, then I jumped back to 5 then 10 and now 20 seems to be the minimum I can get by on.
    I have become so depressed, I want to quit so bad.
    There are so many things going on in my life right now in addition to seasonal affective disorder. How can I just quit since I am down to 20mg a day? Any advice?

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Jerrell
    i tryed to taper off like you are doing i could not do it got down to 2,5mg then i went back up then down the up for me it did not work i said to my self i will have to go cold turkey i am now on 14 days and it gets better every day its not easy but its worth it

  • Michael

    Back — been a crazy weekend! I won’t be leaving here for good until I feel like everyone has been helped. :)

    Patrick,

    By now you’re on day 15, almost 16, right? The depression is probably much better, but I doubt it’s gone completely. But you probably feel more in control of it now. I’m sorry to hear about your friend. It IS a very desperate situation. And, I’ll spill another secret here. I almost took my own life while in the midst of the depression of withdrawal. My wife took all my guns and hunting knives and locked them away. Only 6 weeks out, I haven’t asked for the key back yet, but I feel great. It is such a pit of despair — I’m SO glad it’s all over with.

    But it would be very easy to fall back in. I was sick this weekend (in addition to all the stuff I had to do), and had been sick for a few weeks. My doctor prescribed a codeine cough medicine. It was very low-dose, and if I had chugged the whole bottle, it would have been equivalent to about 30 mg hydro. But I took it as directed, and he wasn’t worried about it undoing any work I’ve done. But in the back of my mind, the desire to chug it all and wash it down with a glass of bourbon was certainly there. People like us just need to know that our body chemistry is set up to make us really LOVE that opiate feeling, and we can’t “take just one.”

    You’re doing great, man — day 16 is fantastic. The anxiety / depression will all but disappear. You used a good word when you said you felt “sad.” It’s not QUITE the depression, it’s more a sadness now. And in the scheme of things, that’s very good. It means that your brain is finally pumping seratonin and dopamine on its own now, and the sadness will soon clear up too.

    Jerrell,

    I was at around 70 mg a day when I quit. I think how long you’ve been taking it makes a big difference, but generally you should be able to quit cold-turkey from 20 mg. It will be really hard, but if you already have the depression, it sounds like you’ve got the worst of it already.

    Are you taking an SSRI for the SAD? That will help tremendously with not only the SAD, but the chemical depression from hydro withdrawal. I do recommend talking to your doctor about both the desire to quit, and the depression.

    Depression / anxiety is a normal reaction to hydro withdrawal, and it will only clear up once your brain has had time to produce the right chemicals again. A slow taper will lessen the severity, but also draw it out longer. For me, the depression kicked in within 24 hours of quitting, and progressed in severity until about day 5. Then it stayed constantly horrible for another few days, and then began to taper off until by week 3, it was all but gone. Then I had short periods of sadness, but no depression or anxiety.

    I’m currently 6 weeks out, and haven’t felt this great in years. A HUGE weight has come off me, and I look forward to life. You’ll feel a LOT of pain for a little while, but in the end, you’re SOOO much stronger, and it’s completely worth it. The only lingering withdrawal effect I have now is a sore jaw, but even that comes and goes infrequently now. I expect it’ll be totally gone in a few more weeks.

    I recommend you take the plunge and quit. It’ll get it done faster. If you decide to do that, we’re here for you with advice in help (but it won’t replace a doctor!!). If you can’t do that, we’re still here for you. It’s your choice, and you know best for yourself.

  • Jerrell

    Thanks to everyone and much appreciated advice/info.
    I am going to try to drop to 10mg for 3 days and then stop. I do have some WellbutrinXL, however, there are some indicators that it should not be taken with Lortab. I have been using lortab for 1 year, so I would say after 9 months of “overuse” due to back pain I realized I need to stop. The past months have been horrible since I have continued to drop my dose. Depression is my biggest withdrawal, there are times I don’t even want to leave my house. I have read all kinds of posts and most that I have read indicate it is easier to QUIT at 10mg than 20. I really don’t want to deal with the 5MG and splitting that to a 2.5 anymore. I have come this far with no DR support. I do have access to xanax for anxiety. Should I take that in the evenings to help with the anxiety? What does everyone think?

  • Heather

    Jerrell, I’m certainly not a doctor but I would be careful with the Xanax. Benzos are much harder to quit than opiates. I’m not sure about the Wellbutrin, but in the past I took it along with the Lortab. Tapering did not work for me. So many times I would split that pill in half and a voice in my head would say, “go ahead and take the whole thing.”. Then I would end up taking 2 or 3 and tell myself I would taper later. For me, it was like slowly pulling off a band-aid, and one day I just decided to rip the band-aid off and went cold turkey. I’m now on day 18 and feel great. A little lingering sadness and jaw and shoulder pain, but not bad at all. The depression and anxiety the first few days were HELL, but I feel so free now. There are times that I want the Lortab, I still miss the warm fuzzy feeling, but I’m fighting it, and winning. I’m not sure if this helped or not, but I hope it did. Good luck to you and we are all here for you.

  • Heather

    Michael,

    I’m so glad you’re back. Your recovery has been so much like mine and your support has meant the world to me. Sorry about the crazy weekend, but isn’t it great to be able to say you had a crazy weekend,

  • Heather

    Rather than lying in bed depressed? Sorry my posts are broken up, I’m using my cell and it’s acting up today. I’m really starting to look forward to things again and it’s so nice to be able to do without worrying about having enough pills to enjoy life. We are going to a Pittsburgh Steelers game Thursday night and I’m pretty excited. I think I’m really coming out of this.

  • Jerrell

    Disappointed in myself today, Could not drop to 10mg as I had hoped. What should I expect if I stop completely after taking 20mg for about 3 weeks.
    I was prescribed the xanax for anxiety before I started the Lortabs and it does work for me and I do not abuse it. My max is about 3mg throughout the evening and before bed. I wake up fine and soon start craving the lortab first thing in the morning.
    I am at a point that I feel like I am in prison, I don’t want to do anything. If I must do something it takes so much out of me….

  • Michael

    Heather,

    Yes, a crazy weekend is a GOOD thing now, after all that’s happened. I’m so happy to hear that you’re looking forward to the Steelers game — it sounds to me like you’re just about over it! The moment you start having a positive outlook, the depression is gone and will not come back. Doesn’t it feel so good? And it only gets better and better. Stay warm at the game!

    Jerrell,

    Heather is right about the benzos. I took Clonazepam for 3 years. In fact, I quit that a few weeks ago, once I started getting over the hydro withdrawal. I had tried to quit countless times before, and it is / was the hardest thing to kick I’ve ever experienced. You don’t want to step off an opiate addiction only to end up on a benzo addiction. If a doctor prescribes benzos for withdrawal, they’ll usually only prescribe it for about a week. So it’s your call, but be warned that there is a high potential for addiction.

    Don’t be disappointed or ashamed of yourself. Doing so will only hold you back. We’ve all been there before, and know how hard it is. If you really want to quit, you’ll need to remove the temptation. If you have access to the pills, you’re most likely going to take them. I know I would have.

    I promise that the anxiety and depression WILL clear up once you’ve been off the pills for a few weeks.

    Here’s another tip: 100% of patients who take benzos for more than 6 weeks continuously develop some form of depression. I was taking the clonazepam, and ended up a little depressed before I started the hydrocodone. Then I got more depressed after taking the hydro for a while, and got SUPER ridiculously depressed when I was withdrawing from the hydro. Now I’m clean from the hydro for 6 weeks, and the benzodiazeprine for 2 weeks, and I’ve not been this happy in many years.

    Again, the choice is yours. I wish you the best of luck — I know you have the strength to kick this beast if you desire to.

  • Jerrell

    Michael, thanks for the info. Could it be that my depression may be coming from the xanax? I have been taking it for about a year and I never take more than 3.5mg per day. I am thinking that the combination of the withdrawal from the hydro and the continued xanax may be what is causing the depression. At any rate, I am going to continue my taper and I think I will taper down on the xanax too. Should I wait until I am free from the hydro before tapering the xanax?

  • Heather

    Day 19 and I’m kind of sad this morning and I don’t know why. Worries me, I hope I’m not having some kind of setback. I was doing so well…

  • ryan

    Hey i have a question…lets see i am 17 years old….and i have been on hydrcodone…7.5mg-375 acetm for about 6 months now…i do not abuse the drug…i have it for back pain and take 1or 2 tabs every 4-6 hours like hows it says on my prescription…everytime i am not on the meds i get very sick to my stomach and get very sore and achey does this mean i am addicted?

  • Jerrell

    Ryan, It sounds like to me you may have become addicted. It is very easy to become addicted as I found out first hand. I have been taking Lortab for 1 year and have found myself struggling to quit. I have done a lot of research and our body will do all kinds of things to us to keep us “using” a drug. If you think you are addicted you most likely are. Can you make it 1 day without ANY hydrocodone?

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Day 16 i understand the ups and downs will come and go as they are doing and i know its still the hydro so i let it happen and i dont get to upset because i know it will pass good luck every one

  • Michael

    Jerrell,

    I think it’s absolutely possible that the depression you’re feeling is strengthened by the Xanax. It’s probably a combination of taking Xanax along with tapering the hydro. The good news it that once you’re done with the hydro, and have gone through the normal withdrawal, that depression will be under control. In other words, you’ll just get sad once in a while rather than the crushing, “I can’t do anything at all right now” feeling.

    I don’t really know the best taper method. Again, this is where a doctor’s help goes a long way. My doc told me to just stay the course with my particular benzodiazeprine (the Klonopin) until we had finished with the hydro. Once I realized the Klonopin was not helping the depression, I stopped taking it without his approval. But by then, I was taking 1/4 of the lowest dose pill they make for Klonopin.

    You need to be careful — withdrawing from benzos can be dangerous. I experienced muscle spasms, more sore jaw, high levels of anxiety, and sleeplessness. It’s not unlike hydro withdrawal, only the possibility of seizures is a very real concern. If you’re going to taper off without a doctor, I really recommend doing all the research you can.

    Again, we’re here for you with support, whatever path you choose to take. Best of luck, friend.

    Heather,

    You’ll have these times of ups and downs. I had swings of depression until about 21 days out. By then, they weren’t the horrible depressive funks, but rather, they were periods of sadness. But they’re still real. What my doc told me about the depression is that it peaks out within the first week, then plateaus for another week. After that, it slowly drops down for another 2 – 3 weeks. So you’re in the “slow drop” portion. Hang in there — you really ARE better, just remember that!

    Ryan,

    You probably do have a physical dependence on them now. You don’t need to abuse drugs to form that. I think just about everyone who uses narcotics for a while will come to rely on them — that’s just the nature of the drug. It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. If you can manage your pain without them, then maybe you should let your doctor know.

    In this case, he/she may just encourage you to continue on if you’re not abusing it. Whatever the outcome, you CAN break the addiction if you want to. It’s not easy, but certainly more than possible. :)

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    I am on day 17 but i have not got rid of the low flu feelings its getting better is any one out there have the same thing after 17 days

  • http://google Michelle

    WOW there are more people on here that wasn’t the last time i was on line.but,hey that is A good thing because that means you all have taken the first step and that is one of the hardest parts.so just keep fighting and you’ll win and it does feel so wonderful.I know right now it doesn’t seem that way but you will really be surprised at how much better you will feel being sober again.I haven’t been on line in A few days because,one of my daughters has been real sick.started with stomach flu now awful cough bless her heart hope shes feeling much better by Christmas.As I hope for all of you that you will be feeling much better by Christmas day.Hang in there it is so worth it in the end I PROMISE.I used hydro for about 10yrs.up to 5or6 10’s A day sometimes more.And,i can tell you I feel better without them it took A while but I made it and so can all of you.MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR ! ! ! ! !

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    You might actually be sick. The flu is hitting hard this year — I just spent the past two days in bed with a fever of 103 and bad GI problems. It’s unlikely that the flu-symptoms would be caused by withdrawal at 17 days out. Also, keep in mind that your immune system is shot right now. You were getting good sleep on the hydro, which helped your body stay healthy, and your body’s natural metabolic functions that induce a healing response have been artificially maintained. Now that you’re without the hydro, it will take some time for everything to come back to a natural balance, making you more susceptible to illness for now. I’m in that boat with you.

    Hang in there — time is going to be the most wonderful medicine you can take at the moment. Also, Tamiflu will help if you let your doctor know. :)

    Michelle,

    I’m glad your daughter is feeling better! This season seems to have a bad bug. Merry Christmas!

  • http://google MIchelle

    Thanks Patrick she is feeling a lot better today thank god.And yes you are right time is good medicine.But I have found that the best meds are living,love and laughter is the very best medication out there.I could not have done this without all the love.Laughter is wonderful i’m so glad to be happy again didn’t think i would ever make it that far again so glad that I did it feels great.And thank god we are all still living so were doing awesome……

  • Michael

    Happy Christmas eve, everyone! I hope you’re all doing well! I know it will be hard this holiday to not use. You’ll be with family and friends, or even alone — and nothing could make the experience better than taking some hydro. Well, I faced that craving at Thanksgiving, and let me say that I had a blast without any pills.

    If you’re thinking about using, try giving a sober holiday a chance. So many people here say, “I just want to be happy again, to feel like I did before I started taking this stuff!!” Well, not using during an event like this is a HUGE step towards that. If you stay strong through this, you’ll start regaining what it is that you lost, until it all comes back. I promise. :D

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Thanks Michael
    I am having a tough time right now still very depressed i am on day 19 i thought it would be much better by now Merry Christmas

  • Michael

    Hang tough Patrick. From what I understand, the depression can last a month. Do you feel better at all now than you did a few weeks ago? Have you felt any progress made?

  • http://ernestbutler@sbcglobal.net patrick

    Michael
    its so strange i feel good for a while then i will go down hill i am just worried that it will not get better i think its my mind doing its best to get me to use again it keeps saying whats the use its not going to work .

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    Try to think about what your outlook is when you’re feeling fine, as opposed to when you’re not. You’ll see that the depression puts a spin on your outlook where you think, “Gosh, this will last forever!”

    It won’t don’t worry. The time windows of feeling fine will get bigger each day until you’re fine all the time. Some people take longer than others with it, but it isn’t abnormal at all, and it will NOT last forever. I promise you’ll get better, my friend. And it will be soon.

    Please keep strong!! :D You will be happy again!

  • Amanda

    Hi I am 7mos pregnant and have been taking two to three hydros daily throughout pregnancy. I am afraid I have hurt my baby but I just can’t stop. I feel like such an ass.

  • Heather

    Amanda, first of all, don’t feel like an ass. Hydros are hard to quit! But for your baby’s sake you do need to or he/she will be born addicted. Is it possible for you to go to rehab? From my understanding they will give you first priority because you are pregnant. If not, can you tell your dr about this? He certainly should be willing to help. I KNOW how hard it is to quit. However, if you quit cold turkey without any medical supervision you and the baby you are carrying will go into withdrawal, which certainly would not be good for you or your baby. Like I said, I know how hard it is to quit. I am 23 days clean and it was hell but so worth it. Please, for the sake of your baby and yourself, get some professional help. By acknowledging you know you need to quit, you have taken the first and hardest step. There are wonderful people on here who may be able to give you better advice than I have. Good luck to you, my friend.

  • Heather

    Patrick, Michael is so right about your time window of feeling fine getting bigger. This is my first sober Christmas in several years and while the last few days have been stressful, it hasn’t been too bad. I did have a bad day a few days ago, but it was just some sadness and not the crushing depression I had at first. Every day is getting better, although I still miss my hydros and have some cravings, coming this far and knowing can do it is making me happier.

  • Cj

    Situation: Wife prescribed Hydrocodone for chronic arthritus in lower back and pelvis/hips. Surgery to correct not an option. She has been on the pills (10/500) for 3+ years. She gets no relief from the 6 she gets a day and has now been doing all the “addict” stuff to get more, up to 10 a day even more. She lies and manipulates. She especially manipulates me to get mine for my chronic injuries, if I don’t give in then life is hell, thus leaving me with none. When we do fight about it she gets all defensive and blames everyone but herself.
    So where do I go from here?

  • Michael

    CJ,

    You’re in a pickle. I’m in no position to give authoritative advise, but one thing to know is that she’s not going to change her behavior until she admits that she’s got a problem. I think pushing her, getting doctors involved, etc, against her will is no good unless she wants the help.

    I would try very hard to get through to her, to try to get her to see how bad things have gotten. Again, I’m not a professional. Do you have a doctor you could ask discreetly?

  • Amanda

    I can’t tell my Dr. I am trying it cold turkey. I realize this can be dangerous to baby but its my only choice. Im 30 weeks so maybe it won’t be so bad?

  • http://google michelle

    Hey you guys I haven’t been on in A few days been busy with family and friends.Nice to hear every one is still doing good.I feel really bad for the ones of you who are just coming out of the worst kinks of it but, it does get better I promise.I have accomplished my first family functions sober and I had A great time it does get better even though it never seems like it will.Amanda,don’t feel bad there are more people going through the very same situation as you are right now.It is bad but it’s very good that you realize that you have A problem.I smoked a lot of Marijuana when I was pregnant to keep from being sick.I don’t think that you have hurt your baby.But,just think of how you feel when you don’t have any pills.You sure don’t want A baby going through that.But,we all on here understand how hard it is.I will most definitely be praying for you.Good luck you might want to talk to your dr. about it when I was smoking pot I told my dr.and I was scared to but you have to make A safe choice.Is it better for the baby to withdraw inside the wound are outside the wound.I don’t know in your case but my dr. told me to continue not that I am at all saying to keep doing what your doing but you have to make the best choices for your baby.Good luck to you We all wish you the very best.

  • Anonymous

    Hi every one
    I am day 22 day i have been taking to much Ambien to sleep my doctor said take 10 mil a night i was taking 15 mil a night i think it was making me depressed day time has any one had that situation

  • Amanda

    Thank you for the kind words Michelle. I have been fighting this battle for a long time. I have only been taking two 7.5 hydros daily lately can this throw me into withdrawl going cold turkey? I went all day today without any. Physically I’m ok but mentally I’m a wreck…. also did you say it is better for a baby to withdraw inside the womb or outside? Thank You

  • kan

    Hello All,

    I like most of you am and addict. Lortab have been my drug of choice for as long as I can remember. At time I have taken up to 15 a day. I have tried to stop many times without long sucess. This addiction has a very strong mental and physical addiction. WHen I dont have them I dream about them. I have been out for exactly five days.Withdrawls this time have been not so bad just aches and pains, bad diereah, and sweats. Pretty standard I guess. The hard part for me is the mental. Im so use to being High that I feel like I lost my best friend. I am so embrassedby that but it true. Im also scared that the only reason that I amnot taking them is that I have moved and they are no longer available to me. I really want to live my life without checking friend/family medicine cabinets and not spazing out over where my next pill is coming from. I have spent so much money and time and want to remember how to live with out drugs. I have a 9 year old andwant to be the best mother I can be. So sorry for the rambling just had to get this off my chest..

  • John

    I have been taking 4 10mg a day (2 at 10:15am, and 2 at 6pm) for nearly 6 months. I have 2 left and I’m worried about the withdraw effects. I plan on taking none today, one tomorrow night, and one the following night. I will then have 3 days off from work to recover, should this way of quitting help at all? I weigh about 190, with the amount of time (6 months) and strengh of lortab (4 10mg a day) I’ve been taking what can I expect? REading everyone’s posts is both encouraging and discouraging at the same time.

  • Michael

    Amanda,

    Don’t kick yourself — as Michelle said, a lot of people have been / are in the same shoes as you.

    Being no doctor, I have no basis in medicine, but there are some things to consider, being pregnant. First, are you taking hydro mixed with acetaminophen? If you’re here in the US, then you are. I don’t know how much passes through to the baby, but the acetaminophen might be affecting the liver of the fetus. Plus if you’re addicted to the hydro, then your baby is too. I really don’t know what’s best here, but I imagine that getting off the meds as soon as possible would be optimal. I do really recommend asking a doctor about that.

    Anonymous,

    The depression you’re feeling isn’t being helped by the Ambien, but I doubt that’s what’s causing it. Hydro withdrawal can cause really sever depression / anxiety. I went through it, as did many people who’ve posted here. It’s really very bad, and can stick around for up to a month. If you can get by without the Ambien, you may find the depression lifting sooner. Your sleep pattern will fall back into place naturally after a few weeks. It sucks to be tired and not get any sleep, but it sucks even more (in my opinion) to be that depressed.

    Kan,

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. The depression DOES feel like a loss in the family. I felt a knot in my stomach and chest like someone I loved had just died. It’s a horrible, lonely, dark feeling — I know. But it does lift and get better. For me, it took about 2 weeks to feel like I could be normal again, and another 2 weeks to really be happy again.

    You WILL get to a point where you can live and be happy without the pills, and not worry about where they’re coming from. I promise that if you continue without taking them, your mind will recover fully within a few weeks. If you keep taking them, then you keep yourself in a pit of worry and fear.

    I’m currently 7 weeks sober, and feel awesome. My chronic pain is still there, but I feel happy, I look forward to normal life, being with family and friends, etc. I don’t worry about pills anymore. It’s great.

    You may always feel a pull to rifle a medicine cabinet. I still do, but it’s not nearly as strong now. And I can resist it. Please stay strong, and know that what you’re going through is par for the course, that we have been there, and that you never want to feel this way again.

  • Michael

    John,

    Every body chemistry is different. You might experience anything from minor discomfort and a few restless nights, all the way to sever flu-like problems and crippling depression and anxiety. At 40 mg/day, you might fall somewhere in the middle.

    You may want to prepare for the worst, and hopefully not experience it. Personally, I didn’t have terrible physical symptoms, but the depression and anxiety hit really hard. I’ve got some tips that helped me personally:

    – Exercise: Just walking helped clear my mind, and also help push the toxins through my system faster. It also helps restart the natural production of the dopamine and serotonin that I had burned through on the hydrocodone.

    – Plenty of water: Essential to stay hydrated through the diarrhea portion.

    – Honesty: Having a wife and a doctor who knew everything lifted mountains of burden from my shoulders, formed strong support, and established a system of accountability.

    – Removal of temptation: As strong as you are, when you’re at your worst, you’re going to want to use again to take the pain away. If you don’t have access to it, it actually helps the mental aspect. We went through the cabinet and got rid of all opiates (codeine was the only other stuff we had).

    – Stay busy: When you’re through with the first few days — the worst of the physical — the challenge becomes mental. You may feel like you can’t crawl out of bed, or go to work, or face anything. Force yourself to. You’ll find it almost impossible for a time, but that will pass. I promise you that.

    Additional things I did was hike, pray, and meditate. Laughing helps tremendously, even if you don’t feel like it. And music works wonders.

  • http://google Michelle

    Amanda I really don’t know what the best way for you to quit.I’m in know medical position to tell you which way would be the best way.Honestly i would talk to my Dr.about your situation.Because,they really are bad on the liver as Michael,told you but you really need to know the best ways to do this being pregnant.I know that it is hard and scary to tell A Dr. something like this being pregnant and in fear.But really and truly you have got to be stronger than that for your baby so try to get you some good medical advice.I wish the best for you ok.Keep us all posted and just keep reminding your self you can do it…..

  • Jerrell

    Well I have made my first day without HYDRO. Zero mg.
    I am happy and feel like I have really made an accomplishment. Subject to change of course. I am really hurting with sciatic nerve pain and can barely get up and about but I feel mentally so much more in control.
    Anxiety shot way up earlier so I leaned on my benzo. But I refuse to take another HYDRO. I think since I went with a taper method my depression was drawn out a lot longer and I really feel that the HYDRO was causing some of my depression at such a low dose. Maybe it was my mind trying to tell me to take more or something. At any rate TODAY is my first day I can say I have completed a full 28 hours without any HYDRO. I am happy and actually do not feel as depressed or prisoned right now.
    I plan to go see my DR tomorrow and see if maybe a steroid shot might help with the nerve pain. In the meantime, I have been taking some aspirin. I never thought I would get to this point, still have some in the cabinet and I can look at them and say NO.

  • Michael

    Jerrell,

    Way to go!! Hang in there! The first 3-5 days are usually the most difficult. Make sure you’re getting plenty of water, and try taking long walks if the pain will allow it. If not, try some other form of exertion. And try to be sparing with the benzo. :)

    I have nerve pain as well, and have been taking 50 mg Lyrica for it. It works well enough for me, and there’s not nearly the dependence and tolerance-forming potential that you get with lots of other meds. Gabapentin (Skelaxin) and pregabalin (Lyrica) are both non-benzodiazeprine GABA antagonizers, good for helping curb neuropathic pain without the rapid-dependence you get on benzos.

    There are lots of ways to help manage your pain moving forward — so you don’t need to despair on that. Stay strong!!

  • John

    Thank you, Michael. I appreciate you taking the time to write all of that out. It’s already harder than I thought it would be, I did not take my normal dose that I take at 10:15a and I already feel a strong desire.
    Do you think it would be better to take the last 2 that I have at once or try and taper it off? I almost wish they were gone, they are keeping me from the realization of truly quitting becasuse I have them to look forward to.
    The person I usually get them from has quit so that is why I have decided (forced I guess)to quit as well. Although I have been trying to figure out a way to quit for a while now, this seemed to be a sign to do it now since I have no other way to get them.

    Thanks again,

  • John

    Also, does anyone ever hear of stories where there isn’t any withdraw? Or is it something I can count on?

    Thanks,

  • Patrick

    @ John – Do not borrow trouble from the future, some people have an extremely mild withdrawal, some experience no symptoms at all.

    Severity of withdrawal symptoms depends on a huge number of variables.

    You may well get lucky and breeze through it. Stay positive.

  • John

    Thanks, Patrick.

  • Kan

    Well Im on day 6…. don’t feel horrible but will not pretend to feel better either. I am forever thankful that I found this website and what to especially thank the publisher. Your a wonderful person and without this I site I would not have anyone to identify with. It makes a world of difference. Trying take one day at time. I also realized that I have a lot of underlying issues that I have been self medicating. It was never a true fix. I also after reading some post realized that the lortab never really helped my pain as its always here guess I just did pay attention to it. I have dental surgery and I am very terrified of a relaps. Tried to put it off till I have more sobriety behind but my dentist insists that it must me done asap b/c the area keeps getting infected. I have had alot of work done and a terrified of the after. I have not sleep much lately and I am actually sleepy for a change.

  • John

    I’m on hour 38 since my last dose, did not sleep much at all last night, could not stop moving my legs…guess that’s the restlesness I’ve seen talked about on this page. Don’t feel bad besides not being able to sleep, but from what I’ve also gathered on this page is that the worst should be coming on day 3 most likely. I still have my 2 tabs left that I was saving to try the taper off method, but now wonder if I should throw them out.
    Kan,
    Hang in there, I can’t wait until I can say I’m on day 6, nice work by you!
    Maybe if you share what’s going on with your dentist he will come up with a plan with you that works.

  • Michael

    John,

    I really like Patrick’s advice: “Don’t borrow trouble from the future.” I’ll have to use that one! You can’t worry about tomorrow — if you do, you’ll feel very overwhelmed. With the withdrawal, you need to take it one moment at a time.

    The restless legs at night is indeed pretty common — I had that for a couple of nights myself. Don’t worry about what day 3 will be like yet, though. You’ll get there, then get past it soon enough.

    As far as the two pills you have left, if you leave them lying around, you will probably take them when the going gets tough. If you’ve gotten 40+ hours under your belt already, why start over? My advice would be to toss them. Stay strong, friend!

    Kan,

    Day 6 is GREAT progress! You’re probably in a depression right now, but I promise it does start to get better.

    And John’s right — maybe you should talk to your dentist to let him know you’re trying to get off opiates for now, and see if he can help with an alternative to pain meds. Just think about all the pain you’re in now. Will this dental operation cause you pain that’s any worse than the emotions you’ve got running through you now?

  • http://google Michelle

    John throw them out because I can tell you from experience that it will only cause more grief than good.I tried that in my early stages and it would always throw me back to the first couple of days of withdrawal.I really do not think that it would be wise to keep them laying around,well I just know if it was me I would eventually end up taking them but what ever your choice is good luck i wish the very best for you.It is really good to hear that every one is doing better.It will get better and better as you gain control of your life back.And then you’ll wonder what the hell you were ever thinking.But it does get a lot easier I PROMISE…….

  • John

    @ Michael-I agree that Patrick’s advice is good, I’m usually not a negative person, I think reading everyone’s posts on here had me worried about the effects of withdrawal.

    I’m happy to say I’m at 43 hrs, getting through my 10:15a work dose is my hardest becasue I got so used to working on the tabs. So 2 days in a row with no work dose feels good.

    @ Michelle & Michael-I know I should throw them out, I can’t force myself to do it. I think part of it is the urge for one last high, but mostly it’s a safety net for possibly tapering if the withdrawal gets worse.

    Thanks again everyone for listening and responding, it means very much to me. Looking forward to posting again at 48hrs!!!

  • http://google Michelle

    John,I know what you mean but there will be the urge for that last high for a while.43 hrs.is very good so if I was you I wouldn’t turn back now.

  • Jerrell

    I have now made it 52 hours! I am in a lot of pain with the sciatic nerve but I refuse to give in. It is not easy to move around but I am finding it easier to ignore the 60+ tabs in the cabinet. I know they would take the pain away for a short time but I just refuse to go back to that never ending cycle. W/D’s have been minimal for me since I did draw a taper out and have been leaning on my benzo(not real hard though). The depression was worse when I started tapering the dose than it is now 52 hours since last dose. I can’t get in to my DR until Monday so I have several days of pain to tolerate, it is painful but I do feel so much better than feeling like a slave to a pill. I don’t dare touch that bottle in the cabinet as I know the nightmare will start all over again. I suppose knowing they are there makes me feel “ok” but at the same time scares me. Congrats to everyone on your progress and thanks for sharing all the info. Someday soon I hope to be able to post that I have ran all my tabs through the disposal and down the drain, instead of my life!

  • patrick

    I am day 25 i never thought i could get this far at one day at a time, with out this web site i dont think i would have made it good luck to all the new comers

  • John

    I am just past hour 62, restless legs once again kept sleep minimal but really don’t have any bad withdrawal. Maybe extremely mild depression, and that is more about learning to do all the things I had gotten used to doing on the tabs. I felt very guilty last night because I’m not as engaged in the conversations with my wife as I was while on the tabs. That is the worst part so far, lacking the motivation to even have a meaningful conversation, I used to come home and talk her ear off and now she’s trying to talk to me and I’m just nodding my head, makes me feel terrible. That is one thing I loved about the tabs, I could do all my normal life routines while on them, and it felt like I did them better. But the feeling of when they’re running out and the $ that was being spent…I know it’s not right, ot to mention the effect it was having on my liver and kidneys.
    Jerell-Congrats, sorry about your pain and will be thinking about and praying for you. We are at similar stages as far as hours go. Good Luck!
    Patrick-25 days…I can’t wait! Congrats! It’s great seeing and hearing from the people on hear that keep coming back even after being so far along, it’s encouraging for those of us (or at least for me) that our in the early stages.

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    How do you feel at day 25? Is the depression better? How are you sleeping?

  • http://google Michelle

    Every one is doing so well,the reason I keep coming back to this site is because it helps others like the new comers to know there is hope and there really is.But at the same time it also helps me as well because I can come back here and it reminds of what I was going through at the begging of this horrible disease so if I have A craving which not often but sometimes i do get a craving this site really helps me with that.And if I can talk to just one person and help them then I figure I have at least made some good progress.So at the same time I’m helping my self and others.Good luck to every body and I’m so glad to hear every one is still doing great.

  • patrick

    Thanks Michael
    for your help i still get some down hours but i say it will pass i did get a craving today for hydro but i knew i do not want to go though this again i am still taking ambien to sleep i think the ups and downs are the most differcult to put up with, my mind says whats the use its not going to get better take a pill but i know that is not true thanks

  • Jerrell

    I am now at 77 hours. This morning was rough with the weird feelings in my head. My pain is still there but I am happy to be free from the pills. My depression is getting better every day too. I was so tempted today to give in to ease the pain, I talked to my sister who said she was told during her alcohol rehab that these pills were easy to put down it is a mind over matter issue mainly. I decided that in my own mind that I would rather deal with the pain than get back into the pill cycle. I do believe that what everyone is saying is true on here, it DOES GET BETTER every day you are pill free. The benzo has helped a lot with the anxiety and I have not increased any at all. Trying to taper down on that next week. Very pleased to hear all of the good we are doing here. We truly can help each other!

  • http://google Michelle

    Yes,we truly can help each other.I am so glad Jerrell that you made the right choice not to pick up and use just hang in there seems like you are a strong willed person so I know you can do this.You have been doing really good sounds like so far keep up the great work.Proud of every one on here.Because i know what A difficult time you are having but it does get better each day.I will talk to every one tomorrow.Going to bed have A huge migraine tonight…..

  • Heather

    I haven’t been on here for a while, mostly because I’m ashamed. I got a kidney stone on Christmas day and took some hydros. In the span of 3 days I only took 10. I’m so angry with myself, but the pain was SO BAD! I’m never doing that again, no matter how the pain is. My question is: I was hydro free for nearly a month; am I starting all over again with the withdrawals? The physical pain from withdrawal is not nearly what it was before. It’s mostly mental, and I think from beating myself up from taking them when I had been so strong and proud of myself. I feel like the worst person in the world. I had been doing so well and feeling so great. :(

  • http://google Michelle

    Heather,don’t beat your self up to bad.I done that once or twice my self it will get to where you will be stronger and want do that but,it takes time were human and know one is perfect.To me it was like starting all over again each time i relapsed.But i think every one is different maybe it want be as hard this time for you.I will be praying for you good luck.It will get to where you can trust your self and being around hydro’s and not wanting them because you know what you went through getting off of them.At least that is what helped me through it and still does sometimes.

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    That’s great that you’re feeling better — and yes, ups and downs will certainly happen. At around the 1 month mark, all that will be just about over.

    Jerrell,

    It sounds to me like you might not get the withdrawals as bad as you might! That’s great! It’s going to feel so awesome for you in maybe a week.

    For my pain, my doctor and I found a good combination that seems to be taking care of all of my pain. I’m taking 2 Lyrica and 1 Tramadol once a day. The pain still peaks through a little bit, but what’s left I can handle with mental techniques. I know Tramadol is close, but it’s not an opiate. It doesn’t create any of the euphoria for me, and thus I have no temptation to take tons of it. When you return to your doc, maybe you could ask for alternate therapy as well.

    Heather,

    Don’t worry — we’re all human, just like Michelle said. If I had access to hydros, I’m sure I would have taken some by now. It’s really a life-time battle. And we know what it’s like, so you won’t find any judgement here. :)

    I doubt 10 in 3 days will set you back after a month of being clean. The worry is getting addicted again, not really that your withdrawals will start all over if you take a couple. You’re fine as long as you don’t get yourself physically dependent again.

  • patrick

    today i am going to cut back on ambien to sleep i was taking 15 mil a night i think it was not helping with my ups and downs it made me groggy most of the day and i was looking forwand to it at night like taking hydros in its place i am on day 26 happy New to all of you

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    That’s probably a wise choice to cut down on the Ambien. Personally, I really wanted my doc to give me Ambien to help with the sleep part, but I never actually asked. I went without anything to help me sleep for about 3 or 4 weeks before I could sleep well at night. Now I don’t take anything (my other meds don’t help with sleep). At 2 months out, I don’t have any sleep problems anymore.

    Hang in there!

  • indiana

    You all give me alot of support and dont even no it. I have three kids and need to kick this devil. You all are stronger than me.

  • Jerrell

    Wanted to provide an update on New Years Day.
    Yesterday I had made it 4 days (96 hours) with no hydro. My pain became so intense yesterday around noon that I took a pill. I knew it would not work, but was hoping for just a little relief. DIDN’T WORK. So I was left feeling so much anxiety a few hours after the pill that I knew it was no use to try another.
    I have been doing some research on the xanax and opoid combo and it scares me. I have been taking the xanax for quite a while but never taking more than prescribed and I have cut my dose back by .5mg daily.
    I know this is serious and I have to stop the benzo too. I know I can do it, I quit clonazepam on my own some years ago. I will definitely be talking to my DR about something different for pain and anxiety. This is really hard, sometimes I don’t even want to drive!
    Happy New Year to all! Great to hear how far we all have came!

  • Heather

    Ok, it’s been a week since I slipped up and took some hydros. I am feeling fine now, much like I did at day 23 when I had my short relapse. In a way, that REALLY opened my eyes to the fact that I am an addict and will have to keep a check on myself for the rest of my life. I guess it was a wake up call from God that I really cannot take these. Ever. So I am going to move on in my recovery, stop beating myself up, and keep working on it. I’m just going to look at it as a small bump in the road, one that could have but did not get me off course. I am just glad that I do not have any more access to them.

  • Heather

    By the way, to anyone on here who is trying to quit and you have some left, please, please flush them! I am so glad I have no more access to them.

  • http://google Michelle

    Heather,your so right because each and every one of us seem to love them so if thier around it’s to much temptation.I know if i kept them I would eventually take them so PLEASE get rid of them for you own good i agree with Heather and it is A life long disease.I have been clean 5months now but from time to time I still get strong cravings I just push my self through it because I know what I went through plus the humiliation.I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK THERE…..GET RID OF THEM PLEASE……

  • Heather

    Michelle and Michael, thank you SO MUCH for continuing to come back here and give advice. It has been invaluable to me and I appreciate you both so much, as I do everyone on here. Addiction is a lonely thing, and having this is what has gotten me through. Thank you so much.

  • Jerrell

    Sunday afternoon, this is now my sixth day with only one slip which was a waste. Yesterday was horrible, my pain seemed to come back ten fold after slipping with that one pill. So now I am back with two more days behind me and I feel ok, the pain is not as bad today. Then benzo taper is in place and I feel strong that I can also overcome those. Thanks to everyone for all of your updates and lets keep strong together to never look back on these trying times. We are all strong and we can overcome. I think I have proven to myself that going back is not only horrible but it is not even an option for me. Hopefully that mind set will keep driving me forward and eventually back to my ol’ cheerful self without any meds!

  • Heather

    Jerrell, as you may have read from one of my posts, I was at 23 days and slipped. The mental part was worse than the physical pain. I was so ashamed. I agree with you, we are all strong to overcome this and can help each other. Going back is not an option for me either. This is the toughest thing I have ever done. The one time I slipped was enough to teach me a hard lesson, but in the end may have helped me see that opiates are just not something I can take and quit at will. Life is starting to look much better for me, pill-free. Sometimes I wonder why I ever went through this. Maybe it’s to help others in the same situation.

  • Jerrell

    @Heather I do agree that it is a bigger mental impact. As the days go by I seem to notice more and more that this is really a mind game. I am stubborn so I feel like moving forward clean should be easier for me here on out. When I slipped I did feel ashamed to some degree, more of like looking for help in the wrong place. I know we can all beat this and feel normal again. We just have to keep a positive outlook as I have experienced that life does get better every day free from this pill like most everyone else on here.

    Went to the DR today, he gave me a steroid shot in the back for pain. Has helped somewhat, hoping tomorrow is much better. His advice was to take Aleve and apply heat. Due to all the stressors going on in my life he advised that I continue the benzo for the time being. I am going to “on my own” taper that down as soon as I feel more “normal”. I am just going to deal with life as it comes. I really like the old saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I really believe that is true. We all are showing how strong we are right here with every day that passes and we are clean from this pill. I do have one concern or question, how long before the dilated pupils go away?

  • patrick

    I made it 4 weeks the thing that is taking its time is depression i thought it would be gone by now i was thinking of going to the doctors for meds to help for the depression has any one done that after 4 weeks thanks

  • Jenna

    I found this website by accident… But I am so glad I did!!! I recently switched meds, & was researching how addictive they are because I have been having issues since I started taking the new meds. Alittle background- I was in an accident 6 months ago, and hurt my neck & shoulder. I was prescribed Percocet (pain) and Flexerel (muscle spasms), which I used exactly as prescribed. My neck got better, but my shoulder continued to hurt even more. Four months after my accident I had shoulder surgery (SLAP repair). Right before my surgery I threw away all of my meds I was taking so there would be no mix up when my husband or mom gave me my pills after surgery. I was prescribed hydrocodone 7.5/750 and it said to take every 4-6 hours. Which I did, EVERY 4 hours 24/7. I was scared to death if not staying ahead of the pain… I have a LOW pain tolerance. I was also taking 10 mg of Flexeril at night for the muscle spasms. This was 2 months ago that I had surgery. I am still in a great deal of pain at times, but I have been worried about what all those hydrocodones were doing to my body.Over the Christmas break, I was running out of hydrocodones, & called in a supply to my pharmacy & doctor so that I would have something to help take the pain at night so I could get alittle sleep at our relatives. I was lucky at this point to get 3 hours a night because of the pain. Due to a miscommunication between the pharmacy & doctor’s office, I did not get my meds before we left & the doctor went on vacation. I was a BASKETCASE!!!! I was freaking out about how I was going to sleep in the main room of our two families’ homes, without a recliner, and survive without a ton of pain. I scared myself with my reaction, and became concerned that maybe I did have a problem. Honestly, I do NOT get why people want to take this drug recreationally. It HURTS my stomach, makes me nauseous, constipated, and dizzy and I have to worry when I take it vs. it being safe to drive in how many hours. The only upside for me is the dulling of my pain. I wondered if I should cut down in case I am starting to get addicted. So when we got home, I went for a postoperative appointment and I requested to go down a strength to the
    5/550. My stomach had been starting to hurt! At this point I was down to maybe one during the day & usually 1, MAYBE 2 at night. I also told my doc I am still sleeping in a recliner at night because lying down HURTS my shoulder so bad, I wake up crying everytime I try it. My bicep spasms so bad at night, even with the Flexeril, that he put me on Soma. I went to the lower dose hydrocodone & started taking the Somas at night at the same time. I have all of the sudden had diarrhea for the past 4 days, I have NO interest in food, I am much more emotional, I CAN’T sleep at night, except for a few hours I attribute to the Somas (but I wake up instantly alert almost exactly 5-5 & 1/2 hours later and feeling like I never slept) and I feel like I need to crawl out of my skin!!!! I have been to scared to mention anything to my doctor, because I worry about not having anything for the pain. I can stop the hydrocodone, and do not crave it. I just use it to help ease the pain when it is too much. In fact, I dread taking it, because it makes me not feel like myself. But now, after finding this sight, I wonder even more, am I addicted and am I in withdrawal??? For the muscle spasm pain, I eat bananas, take calcium, drink plenty of water, use Thermacare pads (heating pads), and am considering acupuncture. (my doc said NO massages still) What about the Somas? That is what I was researching when I found this sight. Many friends were shocked I was on it, because they said it was so bad. So, I have a few questions I would appreciate someone else’s thoughts on who us familiar with this type if issue, please.

    1. Does it sound like I have an addiction?
    2. can I take Benadryl to sleep AND a Soma?
    3. Are these withdrawal symptoms or side effects of Soma?

    Thank you, thank you for any input…

  • Jerrell

    @patrick
    I agree the depression is bad. I find it difficult to get motivated to do things that were once almost second nature. I have taken wellbutrin previously for depression and it does work well and has very few side effects. I am considering trying that again. You might want to go ahead and ask your DR for some.
    4 weeks is GREAT! I only have 3 more to go before I will be there. I do feel bad today, hardly any sleep last night probably due to the steroid shot.
    Hang tough and we can overcome.

  • Jerrell

    @Jenna
    I understand dealing with pain, I am not familiar with the Soma but from what I understand it is indeed also addictive. You can google SOMA and find a wealth of info. I personally would not take Benadryl with Soma based on what I have read (I am not a DR) wouldn’t want to give you bad info. From the Hydrocodone standpoint I would probably do everything you can to manage your pain without it, seems that everyone who takes this medication for more than a week develops a dependence or addiction. I would speak to your DR and tell him your concerns in addition to the questions you listed above. Wish you the best! Hang in there!

  • Michael

    Patrick,

    Yes, the depression is by far the worst of all the withdrawal symptoms. It CAN very lead to suicidal idealization, so please try to get help from a doctor if you can. I started seeing my doctor for depression my first week, and he got me on low-dose Lexapro. It probably saved my life, as I was really ready to blow my head off, literally. I think the Lexapro also shortened the length of my depression to about 3 weeks.

    At the 1 month mark, if you still have no relief, I really think you need extra help like I did. Please consider it, because depression is about the worst feeling in the whole world.

    Jenna,

    I can’t tell if you’re addicted or not. Physically dependent might be a better word. I’m no doctor, but it seems to me that you don’t have the “addictive gene” when it comes to this stuff, but anyone can become dependent and tolerant. If you’re in that much pain all the time, and you truly can’t take the hydro to get high and feel good, perhaps a stronger painkiller would be better for you. Oxycontin, or even fentanyl. There’s no way in hell I could ever take that stuff because I would LOVE it too much. But from what you describe, you are in true pain and aren’t likely to become physiologically addicted.

    I don’t know. Like I said, I’m no doctor. I don’t know anything about Some, either, unfortunately. :( Try talking to your doc about a different pain management plan, as clearly this one isn’t working out for you.

  • http://SpiritualRiver/AddictionHelp Joe

    Hello everyone I found this site today looking for help with my pain pill addiction it has consumed my life I started with oxycodone for back pain in 2001 and took it as directed for awhile but had to increase the dosage because it no longer worked 1to 2 every 4 to 6hrs. about 5 pills a day til that no longer worked either then it turned into 10 to 15 pills a day that’s over 300 pills a month that lasted a year or more I went to my doctor and told him everything! He gave me 1 more script with instrutions to ween off 10 the 1st day 9 the next and so on I tried hard to follow this but did’nt and ended up cold turkey no pills left i was so sick I thought I was going to die. Then I kicked it for awhile until in June 2010 I had knee replacement surgery and got oxycodone again and the nightmare continued it is Jan. 2011 I am not on oxycodone anymore but hydrocodone I have tried many times to quit on my own but failed can’t handle the sickness I am at a loss I am laid off right now no insurance no money the unemployment I get just covers my bills and still have major bills from the knee surgery I need help BADLY someone tell me what I can do as far as rehab treatment I need to go before I’m DEAD

  • Brad

    I have been on Hydro’s regularly for 10 years now without cause…. I have 2 prescriptions for them…1 for 60 count pink 10’s and the other is for 30 7.5’s speckled….both of theses cost me a grand total of $5.75 per month…. These 90 tabs last me about 2 weeks if I’m lucky. I then buy 100-120, at $5 a piece, to last me through out the month. I have never tried to quit till I read the testimonies above….you guys have given me knowledge and strength to know that it can be done. I know its going to be hard but it has came to a point that it has put my job in jeopardy as well as my health….I just hope its not too late. Wish me luck

  • Heather

    @Jerrell, I think you had asked a question about pupil dilation. I’m not sure how long that lasts. Maybe once all the opiates are out of your system? Sorry I can’t help you more. How are you feeling?

    @Joe, being unemployed, I’m not sure what to tell you about getting into rehab with no insurance. I will tell you this: like you, I tried many times to quit and failed. Finally I just put my mind to it and went cold turkey. I was so sick but feel so much better now. The physical part lasted maybe 3-5 days. I am still fighting cravings and slipped up at Christmas but put that behind me and feel much stronger now. Do you have a doctor you can talk to who can help you?

  • Heather

    @Brad, this site is what has gotten me through this. I don’t know what I would have done without it. There are do many caring people who honestly want to help and it’s wonderful to know that you are not alone, and addiction is the loneliest feeling in the world. It’s not too late for you and you will get through this. It’s not easy, but you will be stronger in the end. Good luck my friend, and please let us know of your progress.

  • Jerrell

    Starting on day 9 today with one pill slip 5 days ago and yesterday I was able to drive “ok” for the first time since Christmas. I am feeling better every day but do find the depressive symptoms to become powerful at times. Starting to feel like I am getting myself back which is what I have been waiting for. Find my appetite is nothing what is once was, pupils are still dilated, but every day is better than the day before. After being on these things for a year I do feel better every day WITHOUT them, amazing something that I once thought was impossible has now become reality and so much better. This site and all the support from everyone here has helped me so much a huge THANKS to all. I found the mind over matter to work best in quitting, decide you want to quit, taper, do without, whatever works just declare to yourself you want to quit and every day free will be better and better.

  • Heather

    Jerrell, day 9 is great! The depression was bad for me after the initial withdrawal, and around 14 days or so I really started feeling a lot better. I don’t know if you have read any of Michael’s posts, but he said something that really helped me: the depression is chemical rather than situational, so it will soon go away. I’m so glad you feel that you’re getting yourself back. I can remember not too long ago wondering how I could live without my pills; now I’m so glad I’m no longer a slave to them. I mean, they had really taken over my life! I still have cravings for the warm, fuzzy feeling they gave me and slipped up at Christmas, but it just helped me to realize my addiction even more and it’s a road I’m never going to take anymore. Hang in there. It sounds like you’re doing so well and in about a week or so I bet you will feel even better!

  • patrick

    Hi every one i am on day 32 i never thought i could go this long without a pill but today i got a real craving it came out the blue my mind is still playing tricks saying i could handle a few just for the day so i say to myself think about it tomorrow that helps me to forget it

  • Michael

    Been gone a little while — I’m SO glad that it looks like everyone is doing well!! It really makes me incredibly happy to see you guys getting better and better each day. Your stories here really give people hope that they can quit too. I’ve got a huge smile as I write this. :D

    I’m currently 2 months clean. I feel like a million bucks — something I haven’t felt in years. I no longer worry about when I can take my next pill, I can go away and not have to have a million panic attacks that I left my bottle at home.

    I still have chronic pain, but it’s being managed fairly well with non-narcotic, non-addictive medications, along with lifestyle changes. I do admit that I sometimes would LOVE to pop a few hydro’s or oxy’s, sip a glass of bourbon, and veg out. Not sure if I’ll ever get over those desires, but they are becoming less frequent now. And less powerful.

    I think one of my favorite parts of being clean is that I can FEEL again. My brain seems to have fully recovered from all the crap I put in my body, and my wit and emotions are all back up to where they were before I ever took anything. I can laugh, cry, feel excitement, retort with a quick come-back — all these things slowly faded away the longer I was using the meds.

    So for all those reading this who feel lost — I swear to you, a solemn promise, that if you have the will to do so, you CAN and WILL recover completely. It takes time, determination, strength, patience, etc. But it is completely possible. I know how hopeless it feels when you feel like a slave to a little pill. But please remember that you CAN make the choice to recover.

    Look at it like this — you have two real options:

    1. Keep using to stave off withdrawal (because let’s face it, you don’t get high anymore), and take more and more until your body eventually shuts down and you die way too young.

    2. Make the choice to go through withdrawals, no matter how hard they may be, stay the course, and come out on the other side a much stronger person than you were when you went in. Plus you have the benefit of experience to HELP OTHERS IN YOUR SITUATION.

    Those are your options. Easy choice and die young, or hard-as-shit choice and live a rewarding life.

    God bless you all — remember you’re not alone in this.

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,very well said I also have been gone for awhile my grandmother is very sick(on death bed)so i haven’t had time to get on here either have been helping my mom take care of my grandmother.But i also am proud of every one on here.And know one on here is alone there are millions of people going through what were all going through thats not even found this site.So good luck to all of you and be strong you will be more than normal again.

  • Bethany

    Hello everyone my name is Bethany. I’ve been on Hydrocondone for about 3 years now. My last script was for 7 a day at the 10/325’s. Even though I do have legitimate back problems and do suffer from pain I know that taking this medicine has been a problem. Today is my second day without them and I can say that God has been good. I followed the treatment plan of the tylenol imodium and benedryl. I can say that day one was was nothing less than horrible. But day two is so much better. I did add a couple more medication’s to the mix that are not narcotic and have been prescribed to me at one point or another. Mainly soma which has allowed me to go right to sleep so that’s been good. I found this website when I decided to quit. I have realized that this medication has taken over my life. I have appreciated reading everyone’s post. I will win the fight no matter what.

  • patrick

    good luck to all the new comers on this new way of life when you think about it the pills were not doing the trick any more so i think to my self want is the point taking them its a wast of time thats when i thinking about hydro its a wast of time the days have gone when i would get a buzz thank God for the help i am on day 34 can not beleve it

  • http://google Michelle

    Just checking in to see how every one is doing?Bethany good luck to you I hope it keeps going good for you sure makes it a lot easier.I’m proud to see that every one is doing so great.I have been clean for almost 4 months now and I can honestly say if it wasn’t for this site I probably couldn’t have done it.I continue to get on here at least twice a week because it still helps me.And maybe it brings hope to others knowing that you can do it.My life is so much different without the pill and should I add a whole lot more pleasant.I am so proud of every one on here and my prayers are with each and every one of you.

  • Jerrell

    Coming up on 14 days tomorrow. It is so amazing just to feel again. I actually went out to dinner last night. This was the first time I had been out to eat since mid December. It was so great to “be back”. I do feel so much better and more normal. I could actually hear the music in the grocery store yesterday too. I do agree the first week is terrible but thanks to all the wonderful people here sharing their stories and all the encouragement, I feel like I have made it. To all of you I say THANK YOU for sharing your story. I would also like to say to those who are battling this addiction please keep coming back here and read. It really does get better, I myself am living proof!

  • Jenna

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give your input to my situation. I have decided to go see my doctor and lay everything out on the table. The advise I was given gave me the confidence to take this step, thank you!!! You are all such a blessing to one another, and you are so uplifting and giving. What a wonderful way to pay it forward and make a positive impact. Wishing you all the best and the utmost success in this difficult journey you are on. You can do it!!!

  • Bethany

    Today is day four for me. Yesterday I suffered some pretty bad anxiety and depression. Everyday my life feels more and more normal. It’s weird because your outlook on the world is so different on that medicine. I’m so happy to be where I am. I certainly have more patience than I used too. I’m not positive, but I feel as though some of the anxiety and depression stems from a lack of or interuppted sleep. It’s hard at night to get comfortable. I lay there for several hours trying to get into a comfortable sleeeping position. I was told today that I should go back to my pain management doctor but I am not going to do that. He did want to put me on Suboxone or whatever it is called but thank God I did research on that medicine. It is an opiate and why in the world would I want to go back on an opiate? Because it doesn’t cause a high effect? Um hello I wasn’t taking it for that reason. By the way those who have peen taking this medicine for pain might wan’t to take this giant leap and quit. My pain was so much worse on that medicine. I’m sure we are all familiar wiht the pain scale. Well my pain scale was at a 8 and now it’s maybe a 2. With God by your side all things are possible. Blessings to you all I know that you can do this.

  • Michael

    Jerrell,

    I’m so happy that you’re doing as well as you are! It really does feel awesome once the “veil” starts lifting. It’s like you’ve had a wet rag in your brain for ages, then withdrawal hits and you feel like you just fell down the the bottom of a well. But then, when the withdrawals start to lift, and your mind begins to clear, the world really takes on a different feel. You start looking forward to things, you take pleasure in doing the things you used to do, your mind is finally your own again.

    If the anxiety / depression is starting to lift for you, then you’re near the end of all the crap. The worst is long gone, and now you just have to look forward and stay strong. The urges will hit you, but try to remember all the pain you went through. Nothing is worth that.

    Bethany,

    The anxiety / depression is by far the worst aspect of this — at least it was for me. It feels like a deep, dark pit. You can literally FEEL the darkness… it’s just horrible.

    One thing to remember is that it’s not situational depression, but chemical. It’s the fact that your brain has been artificially pumping out dopamine and serotonin for so long that it needs to re-learn how to do it on it’s own again. My doctor told me that on average, the depression will get worse for about 4 days, then level out. It will stay level for about two weeks, then taper down slowly over the course of about a month.

    Trust me, the last thing I wanted to hear when I was feeling that way was that it was going to last for a while. But hearing from a doctor that it IS temporary helped. And when it does start to lift, you feel so much better.

    My personal experience with it was that days 4 and 5 were the worst — it was basically 24/7 feeling that true depression. On the evening of day 5, I had about an hour where I felt OK. The next evening, I had maybe 2 hours. And that trend continued until I felt like I had control over it all the time. At 2 weeks, I was no longer depressed at any time, but neither was I jumping for joy. I guess it took about a month for me to get to where I was really and truly happy.

    Along with that depression is the anxiety you mention. It felt to me like a physical thing stuck in my chest that I just wanted to rip out. And you mention that the anxiety might be because of lack of sleep, but I do think it’s the other way around — lack of sleep is because of the anxiety. And the mornings seemed to be the worst for me. I’d finally fall asleep, but when I woke up hours too early, I’d stay up with a twisted stomach.

    Just be prepared to not get much sleep for a few weeks. Your sleep pattern will get back to normal when the anxiety and depression begin to lift. I now fall asleep with no problem, and want to stay in bed long after my alarm goes off!!

    Hang in there and be strong. We’ve been where you are, and trust me — it’s given me nothing but pure compassion for anyone going through it. You’ll get better. As you said, anything is possible when you involve God in the process.

  • Wayne

    August 14th will be 5 months clean and sober. I can’t believe how simple my life is now that I am not patting pockets for pills or making sure I don’t leave the house without them.
    I still get a craving now and again but its no different than wanting a piece of chocolate cake. I am done for good and have no worries of letting that monkey crawl on my back again. Good luck!

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    HEY,I HAVEN’T BEEN ON IN A FEW DAYS I’VE PLAYING IN THE SNOW WITH MY CHILDREN.BUT VERY PROUD TO SEE THAT EVERY ONE IS STILL HERE AND DOING GOOD.WAY TO GO WAYNE I STILL HAVE CRAVINGS FROM TIME TO TIME BUT I’LL NEVER LET IT GET HOLD TO ME AGAIN EITHER.I FEEL REALLY GOOD HAVING CONTROL MY SELF INSTEAD OF LETTING SOMETHING ELSE CONTROL ME FEELS TO GOOD TO GO BACK TO THAT NIGHTMARE.AND EVERY ONE ELSE CAN DO IT TO AND YOU’LL BE SO PROUD OF YOUR SELF WHEN YOU HAVE DONE SO.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH EVERY ONE ON HERE AND ANYONE JUST OUT THERE GOING THROUGH THIS SAME THING I KNOW IT IS HELL I HAVE BEEN THERE.BUT BE STRONG YOU KNOW LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS YOU WOULDN’T LET THE GIRL OR GUY NEXT DOOR GET YOU DOWN SO DON’T LET A STUPID PILL DO IT EITHER.GOOD LUCK TO EVERY BODY……

  • Needs Something

    I am 22 and am extremely addicted to hydro, oxy, riddlin, and zanax. my favorite thing to do is mix them and I know this is extremely dangerous. I didnt do any drugs until i was 18 and broke my wrist playing college football and i loved the hydrocodone i started getting pills on the streets since i was dealing marijuana about a pound every 3 days i had alot of connections to bad things. sidenote- I no longer deal or even smoke weed. about a year later i found a connection to 80 mill oxycontin for two dollars a piece which is an extremely cheap street price within a month i was snorting between 280-320 mgs a day. WIthin a year of this i broke my neck playing football and was back on the hydrocodone from the doctor and was still getting dros on the street at one point for about 8 months i snorted between 15-20 hydrocodone a day. two years after this i was still heavy on the drugs and even though my oxy connection moved away i had people selling me there whole scripts about 5 of them for each month some came weekly. I then while playing football tore my labrum in my shoulder front and back and my rotator cuff before i got this surgery i found out i loved riddlin playing videogames and doing hydros. the rid makes me focus and play good and dro makes me feel good.this was bad because i have adhd and am prescribed medicine similar to riddlin which i found is even more intense when i abuse it. I read this forum and am scared my withdrawals are going to be more intense becasue of the fact that i snort every single pill ive done in the last three years. I was wondering what are my chances quitting on my own have quit before but because everywhere dried up and it was only 2-5 days at a time and honestly its been about two years since i have not had at least 4 7.5 dros in a day most dayswhen possile way more. please help

  • http://yahoo Moose

    Day two it has been 48 long hours sinct my last blue. I do feel a little weak and just now am feeling the leg jerks. Im no kid. I had no I would be writing about my personal drug issues anywhere much less online. I would like to take this opportnity to thank the moderator of this site. I have been very fortuanate in life and did not let drugs destroy me finiancially, nor emotionally YET! I just know that after 43 years of the drug world I have had enough and will stop the munipulation of a chemical dictate me. Keep me in your thoughts as I start this new life. Thanking all in advance.

  • Michael

    To Needs Something,

    Step one here is admitting to yourself that you need help. That you know this is a sign that you’re on the right track.

    I’m not a doctor, and have absolutely no medical basis on how to deal with your situation, or anyone else’s. I think the purpose here is to provide support, so that’s what I intend to do.

    No matter how much you take, and for however long you take it, there is somebody else who’s taken more for longer — and come back out of it. So that’s encouragement right there. As far as how you should go about getting off the drugs, I really do encourage you to get help from a doctor. Some cases do really require some degree of medical treatment. That doesn’t mean that you’ll have to go to detox, spend tons of money, and be labeled an addict. I went to my doctor for help, and it was handled very discreetly.

    I can certainly empathize with you. I’ve mixed Adderall and Oxycontin before, and absolutely loved it — ESPECIALLY while playing video games. My favorite was taking 3 Addy XR (10 mg each) along with a 40 MG Oxy. HUGE rush of euphoria. It IS dangerous, and quite self-destructive, but I do understand the draw to do it.

    I also was addicted to benzodiazeprines. Never took Xanax, but I was on a lot of Klonopin. Five or six pills a day for 3 years. When I missed a day, I was an absolute mess. I hated being a slave to a little yellow pill, especially when I didn’t even get pleasure out of it anymore, but I saw no way out.

    You CAN get off all of that. I would get off the opiates first. Withdrawal is hellish, but once you’re done, you’re done. I went cold turkey from taking 8-10 7.5 hydros a day. No taper or anything. I made it through that — the worst symptom was depression, which lasted a few weeks. I was done with the vomiting, sweats, and runs after about 5 days.

    With the Klonopin, I tapered that down slowly until I was taking 1/4 of a pill for about two months before I stepped off of it. That was hard, but the withdrawals were stretched out over the whole course of the taper. I did it slowly enough that the symptoms weren’t severe. Be careful with tapering the benzo because cold-turkey or a too-fast taper can really cause seizures.

    I don’t have experience with the stimulants other than having taken them a few times. I wasn’t addicted, so I can’t help with personal experience on that. I imagine it’s similar to coming off opiates, but I just don’t know.

    Again, I strongly, strongly encourage you to get help. While it’s possible to do it on your own, the benefits of having not only medical help, but support and accountability are invaluable. Whatever you decide, know that we’re here to support you, and that there are many, many others willing to do the same. Best of luck, friend.

    Moose,

    Thank you for sharing here. Speaking on personal experience therapeutic not only for the speaker, but for anyone else who’s struggling with the same thing. Knowing you aren’t alone gives a mental boost that really makes a huge difference.

    Good luck on your choice here. It’s a hard road, but one well worth the travel.

  • http://yahoo M

    I does help kowing others are where I am and where I am going. Thank you for keeping up with me. Day 3

  • Addicted Professional

    Well, I am back again, I had a short lived posting session back in September (see previous posts) where I had weaned myself off of they hydrocodone, was 7 days out feeling great and going on vacation with my husband. One day before we left I found a “stash” in my closet and IMMEIDIATELY the cycle was back on again. I am now 66 hours from last hydrocodone after my addication had gotten much worse (taking up to 15, 10/325’s per day) and feeling okay. I have been using some ultram for the pain and it helps, drinking a lot of fluid…and the immodium…I am so backed up I doubt my bowels will ever wake up again. I know I will have to do a small taper on the ultram as well. I am doing pretty good. I have two pills I just found in my desk while I was doing work. Got on here to see if I could control myself and not take the damn pills. I probably will, but I am going to go home take a benadryl and hop in bed before I do. Wish me luck, I think this will be my last chance before my life and my carrier are in jeopardy.

  • toni

    I stumbled on this and am greatful because I am going into the next few days of withdrawal. I have been addicted to opiates since I was prescribed them in 2004 on and off. It got really bad after some teeth issues. I have done percocets, up to 90mg a day oxycodone, and “shooting up” Dilaudids. But I spent the last 2 years on Suboxone. Well, I moved and could not find anyone willing to fill my suboxone, but was able to taper over 4 month. That was ok but I was down to 0.5mg of Suboxone and it was still unbearable. I also have chronic headaches. REALLY debilitating. The kind that burn like your head is on fire. I have never had enough money to get this really looked at though and have been band-aiding it with pills for awhile. So, now I got on Vics for the past two weeks. Since I was already addicted to the Subs, I am experiencing the withdrawal from Vics after about 4 hours after a 5/500. So, I have 5 pills left. I have them strategically placed over the next week so i can go to work. But this weekend is cold turkey city. I will blog here for psychological comfort…

  • Michael

    Addicted Professional,

    There’s no shame in relapsing. The strongest willed person can fall back in if there’s the opportunity. I might have by now if I had access to anything.

    Does your husband know of your habit? One thing that’s really helped me stay clean is support and accountability from my wife. Support goes a hell of a long way — and my personal theory on why it’s so easy to relapse is that so many people are too ashamed about their addiction to ask anyone for help.

    Another super-helpful thing for me has been the fact that the withdrawals were absolutely nightmarish. I was able to handle the physical stuff just fine, but the depression was crushing. It was a pain unlike any other I’d ever experienced, and nothing — not even the best oxy high I’d ever felt — was worth it. Even today, more than 2 months out, I get little reminders via minor depression episodes that can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days. It’s nothing like the original depression, but enough to say, “Hey, remember how shitty you felt? Don’t forget…” The extreme nature of that depression was, in retrospect, a saving grace for me.

    Also, be careful with the Tramadol. I just started taking it for my leg pain. My doctor is fully aware of my previous addiction, and has been treating me for withdrawal. He’s expressed some concern over it, saying that it’s rare, but he’s had patients become addicted. It’s a VERY weak mu opioid receptor antagonist, and I personally get no euphoria from them. Plus, I’m subject to random pill counts now by my wife. :P Accountability — right?

    Anyway, I did some research on them this week, and it turns out that if you do get addicted, the withdrawals are about twice as long as from hydro, and more severe. So just take care with them.

    Toni,

    I too am glad you found this site. As I said above, it’s very difficult to go at it alone. You need support — more than what you can find here, but it’s a start. :)

    This opiate monster is a heck of a beast. Some people can take the meds as needed, or even recreationally. But people like you and me need to steer clear. Are you planning to completely quit any time soon? Or does the fact that you’re running out of the hydro mean you’re quitting now?

    If so, just take it one day at a time. Please do seek out help, whether it’s here, or elsewhere. Good luck and God bless.

  • Jerrell

    Michael, I just wanted to say something in regards to the Tramadol, I know a very sincere, sweet, Christian lady that became addicted to her Tramadol. She told me of accounts where she would imagine herself driving off into the guardrails on the freeway, her attempts to locate the key to the gun case which she said fortunately she did not find, she had also asked her husband for a divorce. It was like she had completely lost her mind and control of her life and business (she is a business owner) for that matter. After her husband became aware they both went to her doctor and she stopped the Tramadol. I know we are all different but when she told me that story, my jaw dropped. I could never picture someone like her having this problem. I will say that she is very precious and fortunate that she realized the problem and took the steps necessary to get her life back on track. I think after my own personal experience with pain meds, I am terrified of all of them. I am now on day 18 clean and I feel so much better off them. I am too scared to even think about taking another one.
    The HYDRO depression is sooo bad! I think it is almost over for me and I wish the best to everyone here. I think it is great to have support and ecouragement from every angle during a time like this. Keep strong and moving forward.

  • toni

    No one ever REALLY runs out of drugs. They just can’t find them for now. No, I am quitting for good and forever. I am on hour 11.5 and I feel pretty bad. Nauseous, my insides want out, hot and cold at the same time. Totally sucks. But deep inside all of this is the glorious notion that next week at this time I will be “normal.” Or at least not feel like I’m dying physically. I never intended to be in this place but here I am. My horoscope said the other day that I will have to suffer in order to benefit from a cosmic lesson. How appropriate. That has GOT to be a sign! One tip I learned over the years is MELATONIN. You can really take up to 30mg if you need to in order to sleep a 4 hour stint or so. better than nothing. Not restful, but better than nothing. Start with 5mg.

  • toni

    Another thing, my husband is an addict too. He is even worse than me. He is not interested in quitting. That’s going to be fun. Over the years I have kicked drinking,sex, oxys, dilaudids, and other stuff. I am going to be 36 in 3 weeks and I have children and a career. I cannot keep doing this. I am more motivated now than I have been in two years. One day at a time.

  • http://yahoo M

    Day five (5).I have ambien. Works great.Still a little shakey as far as wanting to use. The regular instances when I would say,”I can do that, let me get a pill!,are a lot more common than I suspected. I take mobic and a blood pressure med. I am experiencing a great deal of lethargic behavior, quite unatural for a druggie like me. I really believe I’ll Do this, I am glad to have found this page. Are there others? Anyone who has not tried to kick, just get the package written above, some Ibuprophen,and Tylenol and some courage, and get rid of all temptations, and STOP. It is not killing me and and if you have reasonably good health IT WONT KILL YOU!! It may save your life. Ill be here. Let me know how you’r doing

  • toni

    Well. I am on almost 24 hours with NOTHING. I had just two 5/500s in the 24 hour period before that. I have periods of crisis and periods of normality. This morning I was feeling terrible and I went outside as the sun was coming up and the birds were singing and it was gloriously happy. I felt energy for about 2 hours after that un like anything I have felt in years. I am, as the Buddhists would say, thankful for the suffering because I know what it is like and am not interested in any repeat experience. I have been alternating aspirin, tylenol,and motrin every 4 hours. that helps. I have sever post-nasal drip and am totally nauseous, but I could stand to lose some weight anyway… :-)

  • toni

    ok, this is the third 24 hour period. I took Motrin. Big mistake. Motrin inhibits prostaglandins that protect your stomach lining. So, I had a wretching stomach ache for hours. My husband wanted to take me to the hospital. But I am ok now and like eddie Vedder said, I’m still alive :-) The periods of narmalcy are getting longer. Up to an hour now. I can even go to sleep unencumbered by the heeby jeebies for an hour period. I just ask for strength from the goddess, god or whatever is willing to lend a hand right now. If I do not eat, my stomach does not hurt. if I eat, I am in wretched pain again. Tylenol and aspirin every 4-6 hours is ok, though. And for some reason I still look forward to my morning coffee. The one thing that has not changed.

  • toni

    So, now I am starting to think about longer term recovery. I don’t believe in 12 steps, so that won’t work. I am going to have to focus on a healthier addiction like monitoring my diet and exercise.

  • Michael

    Jerrell,

    That’s a good reminder that no matter how much literature is behind a medicine, and how safe doctors think some are, the truth is that we all have different chemistries, and we have to look out for ourselves, too. I’m glad your friend realized the Tramadol was responsible for her problems, and that she recovered from it all. That kinda stuff is pretty scary.

    Hang in there — you already feel that the depression is lifting. It won’t be long before it’s gone! It IS the worst feeling I ever had. I had my wife lock all our guns up and hide the key. I’ve never, ever thought of hurting myself — not until the depression from withdrawal. It’s a hopeless feeling that makes you think you’ll never get out again. But it’s temporary!

    A word of caution on the depression. I’ve been clean for 2.5 months, and I fought a round with depression last week. It lasted a few days. Not as intense as the initial battle, but enough for me to know that I was depressed. My doctor said that you can keep getting those waves for about 6 months. So once the first depressive bout is done, make sure you have something in place for when / if you get smaller, quicker “waves,” because apparently that’s one thing that will cause relapse.

    M,

    It definitely will save your life — quitting, that is. I have no doubts that if I’d kept it up, I’d have left behind a widow before too long. I have such an addictive personality that I stopped caring about the Tylenol in the hydro. And I was too impulsive to worry about extraction. I would have destroyed my liver sooner or later, if I didn’t kill myself with the hydro before that.

    Keep going strong — and yes, there are LOTS of others. I bet a majority of people who are addicted know that they’re in trouble, and want to kick it if they can. But many don’t think they can do it. It takes testimony from those who have to give them that help that they need.

    Toni,

    By today, you’re on day 4. Days 4 and 5 are usually the hardest, with a tapering after that. The mid-term portion, if you get it, will be the depression / anxiety. It sounds like you’ve got on really big thing that helps down, which is prayer / meditation. Another thing that really gets you through is to exercise your ASS off. Walk, run, go to the gym, whatever. If you do end up getting the depression, remember that it’s only temporary, and chemical rather than situational. It’s just your brain responding to a chemical issue, which will clear up as your mind heals itself. But it still hurts like hell while you’ve got it.

    Yes, be thankful for the suffering so that you know you don’t want to be there again. I see it as a blessing, personally — a kinda grace of God that’s akin to “tough love.” It hurts, and as such, is a powerful lesson.

    Long-term recovery is where I am now. I’m not doing a program either. Support from this site is really great. Also, my wife and doctor are both fully aware of my past addiction and struggles. So having support and accountability on that front is awesome. I’m taking half of an SSRI – Lexapro – every day to help manage the depressive swings and cravings that come on for a while. Normal dose of Lexapro is 10 mg, and I’m taking 5. It doesn’t take much.

    I also force myself to do something active at least once a day, whether it’s a short walk, or a hard-core lifting and running session at the gym. It really helps — much more than I would have expected.

    Lastly, I try to surround myself with friends as much as I can. Getting together and laughing is fantastic therapy. There’s a lot to be said for the healing you can get from just laughing and being a part of a community.

    So that’s how I’ve been dealing with the long-term stuff. I admit, if I had a pill sitting around somewhere, I’d probably take it. Remove the temptation, and immerse yourself in other things, and you’ve got a good foundation to start on. Focus the addiction in something like a hobby (right now, I’ve got my addiction on video games and working out).

    But for now, remain present. You’re doing great, so keep it up!!

  • darlene

    does anyone know about gapentin for hydrocodone withdrawals

  • Heather

    46 days clean and I feel great. Now I have a bit of a problem. In March I am facing surgery and I know they’re going to give me opiates afterwards. I am not going to take them but I’m scared of the pain. Should I give my husband the prescription, tell him to throw it away, not get it filled and just tough out the pain on Tylenol and Motrin? After the hell of withdrawal, I think I can take anything!

  • meme

    K so I’ve decided to stop this insanity! Seriously I’ve been taking up to seven lorcet 10mg daily I relapsed about a year and a half ago. Had 4 mnths clean and bam slowly I started back taking hydro. I do have a legit condition but I’m not gunna hide behind that as an excuse to continue to self destruct! Evil little pills these are. The devils drug if ever I’ve seen one! I took my last dose at noon today and am preparing for my week of feeling like crap! I am already yawning and feel kinda flu like, however I wonder how much of this may be just in my head so to speak at this point. Will keep all posted on my progress in withdrawal as this may help anyone else going through the same thing as me. Planning to use imodium, vitamins and xanax for sleep. I will be cautious as too avoid cross addition with xanax. Just thinking it may help with restless legs and insomnia. I used librium through my last detox. Seems these drugs are very similar. Hope it goes ok I’m really scared this time I don’t know why. Much love and respect to all who struggle like me. We will overcome this guys and be all the stronger for it! Without suffering there is no gain I was once told!

  • darlene

    does anyone know if gabapentin will help with hydrocodone withdrawal?

  • Patrick

    @ Darlene – I am no doctor but I am pretty sure it does not really help much directly.

    I have worked in a facility that uses Gabapentin to treat alcohol and benzo withdrawal, but they use Buprenorephine to treat opiate withdrawal.

    It is definitely not the best medication to treat opiate withdrawal with. It might be better than nothing, but I would consult a doc first, and preferably a doc who is an addictionologist. I think they would direct you towards detox and probably Suboxone or Subutex…..

    Good luck!

  • darlene

    thank you – i have already tried a few Gabapentins today, an old prescription. I am trying to quit hydrocodone on my own – i havve about 15 7.5’s left. I’m hoping, planning on not taking any tomorrow – have been on a long time for pain.

  • meme

    K update lol I’ve taken one 1mg xanax at 6pm tonite feeling ok right now. Just some hot flashes and fatigue. Sore eyes, a little restless. Hoping to sleep tonight. All your stories are so helpful here. So glad I found this site. Not much dt yet as I stated above. Some yawning as well but may be the xanax. Will continue to update in hopes it helps someone, it helps me to talk it out here.

  • meme

    Update: a few hrs short of 24 hrs since my last hydrocodone. Feeling ok I have some chills, sore body, yawning, few sneezes and slight runny nose at times. Have had a few stomach cramps but nothing to scream about lol. I did sleep from about 1130 pm last night until 715am this morning. Mostly restful sleep. Took my child to school and am now on the couch watching tv just took 800mg of ibuprofen for body aches. Not hungry at all really but drinking a coke and a glass of water. Will continue to update as I said before in hopes this may help someone that comes across it in the future.

  • Michael

    Heather,

    It sounds like a bit of a pickle. Personally, I think surgery is a good reason for opiates. What I would do is give the bottle to my wife and have her dispense as directed. After surgery, you only need the painkillers for a few days. I don’t see that as a problem.

    But if you feel like it’ll cause you to completely relapse, then certainly follow your heart and deal with the pain mentally. Share all these concerns with your doc, for sure.

    But regardless, it’s SOOO awesome to hear how well you’re doing! It really is — and it truly makes me smile. :)

    Meme,

    Keep it up!! I know how frightening it is to face withdrawal here. But as you know, it’s completely worth it to get clean. I strongly recommend looooong walks if you can. And then a long soak in a hot tub or bathtub. Both activities will help with the restlessness and body pain. And the walking will help tremendously with the mental issues that may come up.

    Be prepared for a hell of a fight. The rewards are worth everything you will go through to get there.

  • meme

    I’m caving in fast help someone give me some wise words I wanna use sooooo bad. Will it ever stop?

  • Patrick

    @ Meme – Don’t cave in no matter what. Make it through one more day and it will get better from there. It is always darkest right before the dawn….

    It really sounds to me like you might be through the worst of it. Hold out a bit longer and your life will change for the better.

    Good luck!!! Keep us posted….

  • meme

    Thanks patrick you were a godsend at this moment foir me. I actually drove to the pharmacy bought a bottle of codeine cough med! Omg I’m nuts! But you know what? I have not I mean not taken any of it at all! I’m crying as I post this because I feel so stupid but at least I didn’t take it I want to even opened it to take a swig but I looked at that bottle with disgust and quickly recapped it. I kno it just starts right over if I use it, I’ve come this far why go back? I’m going to lay down try to nap and hope this too will pass. Not feeling so bad its that damn mind urging me to use use like a rat digging in my brain ugh sucks lol I WILL do this and look back happy I didn’t cave!

  • http://google Michelle

    Hey,it’s me again i see we have some new people thats awesome.Well i’ve been going through A rough time as most of you know i buried my younger brother in October.Well now my grandmother is dieing she was like a mother to me and my brother.She is not going to make it the Dr.has prepared us for the worst.But anyways I’ve been clean for almost 5 months and I had to stay at the hosp.the other night with my grandmother and kinda relapsed my cousin gave me a few valium I was under so much stress that I just couldn’t say no.But since then I have caught my self wanting the hydros again I haven’t used any of them but if they were in my face right now I don’t know if I could say no.I have came so far getting off of these pills really don’t want to relapse but all this stress is really getting to me.I mean my now my grandmother does it ever stop.I pray and pray it just seems like at this moment its not working for me I know this must sound awful but I don’t even know how to control these feelings any more.WHAT DO I DO?????It took me so long to get off the pills I don’t want to go back there but my mind is telling me that it will help me forget a little bit even though in true reality I know better but I always did.So does any of you have any suggestions I am so sick of living like this.It has to get better I just don’t know how to make it better a few months ago you would not even think that i would be talking this way again and I don’t want to be this way.HELP PLEASE………………….

  • Michael

    Hey Michelle,

    Sounds like life is really getting you down these past 6 months or so. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through — I can only guess. I bet a lot of relapse has to do with situations that cause stress, especially the stress that brings pain like you’re going through. Just like having a strong drink seems to take the edge off, popping a few hydro would lift the problems off you for a time. No one can blame you for feeling that way, or craving a good high right now.

    But you have to remember — it’s like alcoholism. Most people can have a drink or two and be fine, but others start and just can’t stop. For those people, it’s best to completely abstain. And like that scenario, some people can take a hydro or two a day as they need. But people like you and I would keep going. It just takes one pill to want another, then a few more. And before a week is out, we’re taking 5 or more a day, and it starts all over again.

    Remember how it felt to be under the addiction of hydro? Gaunt feeling, poor memory, always tired, always looking to the next fix… Eyes sunken with purple bags, pale face (that was what I was like, anyway), a love affair with a little pill — even sex becomes almost impossible. Eventually giving more of yourself to the hydro than you give to your own family. (this is all my own experience, but I bet you can relate).

    Then the withdrawals. The fear, the vomiting, feeling your intestines turn inside out, NO sleep, restless legs… and those are the physical symptoms that are easier to handle. The absolute CRUSHING depression… for weeks.

    I know you’re tempted. I am too. Think of your situation as a test of your own strength. You’ve made it this far — which is incredible. Don’t let that little pill drag you back into the cycle again. I know you don’t want that. Your grandmother wouldn’t want you doing that because of her, would she?

    God bless you, and I pray you find the strength you need here.

  • meme

    K made it through the temptation. Did not take any of the cough med. Still feeling flu like a bit sore all over. Almost as if even my clothes hurt to touch my skin. Weird huh? Lol well ill keep to the grindstone and overcome! Thanks for the support guys. It helps soooo much! Muah(that’s kisses) lol to all. Gunna chilax on the couch watch tv and just take it easy. Surely by friday this will be over and I can move on with better things in life. Sidenote: I believe the toliet is about to start calling my name realll regular hahaha I can feel it brewing ewww.

  • meme

    Oh I wanted to add to the post above that I think a lot if not all of us really let our addition get into our heads so to speak at times.we let it tell us lies cunning this disease is! And when we are in it we will justifiy to the inth degree(or at least I do) we let the addiction talk to us and convince us we NEED it. When in truth we do not. Its in the small battles fought and won that make us stronger. For every temptation overcome, all the sweeter the rewards in the end. I have to remind myself of this. The gold in our lives is being refined right now. And did we ever notice that gold is infact just that gold? Not some blue or white or whatever colored pill? Humm I may be rambling here butim reminded of a quote that helps me and it may help some of you. It says; lord help me for my boat is so small and the ocean so vast. I felt just like this today, but we can choose to pick up our paddles and fight for landfall. Ill kiss it when I reach it. And right now I can see the shoreline, how magnificent it is indeed! Never will I have more than I can handle is the promise by my higher power. I truely believe this. Hope I didn’t bore you all or ramble too long. Muah! Will continue to update hoping to touch a life and help them how this site has helped me.

  • http://yahoo M

    Day 8, This is so much better. MeMe, you talk all you want. Just get rid of temptations, plenty immodium,Ibuprophen,and ambein. Then praise yourself for making a wise decision. Heather, depending on the surgery you know what it will take to stay comfortable. I been there and just took what the enablers administered. I realize now that the first time in 1968 when they put that needle in my arm I was off to the races. Please ask your physican what is available and what the choices are for simple pain control. YOU ARE WAY TO FAR TO LOOK BACK NOW!!!

  • meme

    Update its about hour 31 since my last hydrocodone. I just got my first muscle spasm or heebie jeebie in my legs and arms. Hope its over soon. no loose stools yet as I had thought earlier I was gunna have. Gunna take my sleep aid in a lil bit and try to sleep through this part of withdrawal. Ughhhh I hate this but it could be worse. Still body aches running nose and very fatigued.sneezing a little too. Will keep posting on withdrawal progress. Hope this helps someone. Muah, meme

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,your so right.I know all the horrible things i went through with a pill and it’s not worth it at all.It just seems like every thing is trying to drag me down right now and taking my LOVED ONES is a very soft spot for me.But,I also know I can not take that horrible highway again.I’ve got to be stronger than that and I am trying so hard and it is truly hard for me right now but I can do it.I hate my self for taking that Valium although it made me feel a world of better for a minute.But thats just it when that small high is gone the big problem is still there awaiting you.Hey,THANKS for always listening and responding to me it means alot to know there is someone out there that cares.I’ve talked to a lot of people on here that I feel like I’ve known forever and your one of them so hey thanks.And I am trying really hard.I WILL WIN I HOPE !!!!!!

  • Chilli

    Ok, I am a mom of a wonderful 3 yr old. I was injured about 2 yrs ago and currently have an addiction of about 10 5/500s a day. It’s funny…I can take 2 during the day but at night over the period of 3-4 hrs I’ll take like 7-8. My boyfriend works out of town so I raise our kid alone pretty much. Nobody knows… My boyfriends mother had a pill addiction about 5 years ago. He still hasn’t forgiven her so I am pretty sure he would leave if I told him. My parents both take vicodin too. My mom had back surgery and is an addict… My dad has AS and will always be on them. I have consistently stolen pills from them so I can’t tell them. So I am completely alone. My saving grace is a Xanax prescription that should help me. And I can take my kid to daycare. After tonight I will have 4 pills left. My dilemma is that it is tuesday…the worst of the w/d symptoms will be this weekend when daycare isn’t available and I will be going thru this having to take care of my precious child. I have tried 3 times to quit…I know what’s coming and I just don’t see how I am going to make it through this weekend. I can’t pawn my child off anywhere either. Has anyone else gone thru this while having to take care of a kid too? Any suggestions? I won’t be able to sleep through the w/ds

  • http://yahoo M

    Chilli,
    Maybe you arent giving mom and dad credit. They may be the real suppport you need. The jones are a bitch for 2-4 days then if you are basically healthy things let up and your will feel much beter. After you make a committment too pull off’ TAKE A HOLD ON band AID go C/t !THE bOYFgRIEND WILL NEEDed TO THE BNDAID PULLIN.
    As i said before Im now old as you know sdtlilllIlllwllbe in 0000srfe====44444s4444444

  • meme

    Update: its approx hour 43 into my detox. Just woke up to loose stools ewww took two imodium. Tried to go back to sleep, no such luck. I did however sleep from 10pm last night until this started. Was restful sleep. No further heebie jeebie muscles since my first one yesterday. Still get chills staying cold a lot. Going to see if my father will take my child to school since I feel like this and my hubby is at work. Idk I may just nike it and do it. Lol will continue to update. Hope this reaches someone and it helps them. Guys am I almost over this crappy dt? I hope so! It suxs! Lol

  • meme

    Chilli, I have a child as well. He’s a bit older than yours as I see you posted yours is 3? But hon let me tell ya if I can do it ANYBODY can lol I’m the most hardheaded hell no I’m doin it my way girl around hehehe mostly to my disadvantage I must admit ha! I suggest gettin some movies, playddoh easy snacks for the baby and chilax on the couch. You are stronger than you know! You can do this I promise. I’m not advising any controlled meds here, but I have been taking xanax for sleep and the heebie jeebie muscles I call them. Has helped. But beware of a cross addition to the benzo. So only use absolute lostest amt possible for shortest amt of time possible. Hope this helps, muah meme

  • http://yahoo M

    Ladies,
    Congratulations, I was a heavy diazapam user along with my opiate’s. This is so temporary, as I have, you will ask, why didnt I do this long ago? The reason is until now you werent ready! Now you are ready and willing to take a step in right direction. Has this been easy? NO.. Can you do it? hell yeah. So like a posting before Man-Up and pull off the band aid, find a friend, get immodium,tylenol,ibuphrofen,and try ambein for sleep. Take a walk snow or not just try to move and when it get to you (gorilla) get on the computer and write it down. We are watching and waiting for news from everybody. Thanks again to the moderator of this page I have really looked forward to reading hear daily. It is day nine(9) for me . Please wish me luck.

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    That’s it — stay strong! As I said, you’re going through a lot right now, but those problems will be there with or without hydro. Best to deal with them head-on. And don’t worry, taking a Valium isn’t a relapse (unless it prompts you to take a hydro). Having a Valium for a very stressful situation is exactly what they’re used for. Just don’t get addicted to those! I took Klonopin, another benzo, for 3 years before I could quit. And let me tell you, getting off Klonopin was waaay harder for me than getting off hydro.

    Meme,

    You’re doing great! I can’t say you’re almost done with the WDs, but you’re certainly at the tail-end of the physical part. 3-5 days is the average time frame, and you’re almost two days out. It may get worse before it gets better, but it will get better soon.

  • http://google Michelle

    Well so far today I haven’t wanted any thing so thats good.i really don’t want to do any drugs what so ever.Sometimes it is so very hard though but I think I can make it I PRAY THAT I DO.THANKS FOR BEING A FRIEND MICHAEL……

  • patrick

    Hi every one i am on day 45 having some craving today some times its gets really strong i tell myself just get though today thats a plus good luck to every one

  • meme

    Update: my multiple sclerosis is kickin my butt right now! Ouch!!! Called my doc told him I was takin myself off painkillers as I believe 7 a day is extreme use. He of course scolded me good. Weird thought he would be proud. He is saying that ill end up in er in pain before this is over and how I should keep taking my meds blah blah blah Now I’m faced with the quality of life bit versus dependence. Hummmm I’m on my way into 3rd day off hydro and although I’m sick hurting and having an ms flare I just wanna be I don’t know normal, if there is such a thing. So my ? Is, should I follow docs advice or what… Plz help guys dependence on pain meds versus quality of life without? Plz let me know what you guys think. I’m so sad I just wanna live as normal as I can ya know? This is such a hard thing for me I have pain meds my hubby ran to get when I couldn’t walk this afternoon after we spoke with doc he immediately called some in. Haven’t taken them yet but god I’m in agony and I wanna do what’s best. Plz help me. I said in my first post here I had a legit condition but didn’t wanna hide behind it to keep on meds, I didn’t wanna have to say I have ms because I hate how people pity me when they know. Lol I’m a nut I know. Am I crazy? Or does doc know best here?

  • Chilli

    Thanks meme for the kind words.I know Xanax has it’s own demons but it does help. I took 2 vico this evening which means I have 2 left, it’s funny cause I feel sick when I take them but sick when I don’t. I didn’t take them till 8pm tonite. That means I have 2 left. God I wanna take ‘em but I am keeping them for the “emergency”. But going from 8 yesterday to 2 today is progress I guess. And last night I prepared 4 dinners, smacks, breakfasts, etc for my son so that it would make it easier to tend to my child, since even doing the dishes is like climbing mt everest. It sucks…I wanna kick this but I am so much more functional when I am on them…which makes me an addict. I really want to get back to my life before pills. But the feeling on them is…well…you all know. May god give me the strength to beat this crap. I’ll keep U all updated. I am praying for myself and all of you posting here.

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    hi all, i am a 48 year old husband and father from montana, i have been reading all the post for about a month now, and i hope and pray for the best and success for all of you, i have been addicted to hydros since aug 98, for the past 5 years i have been taking a min. of 24pills, and some days as many as 35pills a day of hydrocodone 10/325, i know i am many times over the limit for hurting my liver, i guess its the Grace of GOD that i am still here, right now i have 200 pills left in my bottle, with 1 refill of 240 pills left, the problem is i can always get as many as i need or want, my desire now is to not get my last refill, and to have wife put current bottle up in safe, and to get off these pills that truly steal Love from me. i need your prayers, i have the desire to quit, i ask your prayers for the motivation to come, and the Grace of GOD to fall on me and Help me. i should hate these pills, they are not my friend, they have stole from me, cheated me, on and on,, as you all know, if you dont mind i would like to post my process, progress and VICTORY on this site…. am i right in saying and thinking this::: surrender is the only way?
    thank you all, and GOD Richly Bless and Help All of Us SWAY

  • ozzyisgod

    i am here because i am scared to death of failing.. again. my husband and i started taking hydrocodone (or as we call them, beans) a little over a year ago. a little history.. i have always taken drugs. i don’t know how to be sober. i don’t like sobriety. age 14-30 i had a coke and meth addiction. all the coke and meth started giving me chest pains and anxiety so i self medicated and started using xanax. eventually i got off the hard stuff, but trying to get off xanax was a nightmare! it was ruining my life and my marriage. then one day while barred out, i got into an accident and tried to leave the scene because i had xanax on me. no they were not prescribed. i was scared. after going to jail and whatnot, i knew i would be on probabtion for a year with random drug test and I HATE JAIL, so getting off the xanax was my only option. and i did. and no it wasn’t easy. nothing in comparison to the beans though. so after that mess.. we went back to coke and the occasional meth.. then we stopped because we wanted to have a baby. keep in mind, i have always held down a job. always paid my bills.. i have always tried to be a productive citizen and i suppose that is my rationalization for saying it’s “ok” that i take drugs. i never have robbed anyone to get it or sold my body.. lol. i am trying to make light of my past because i have a lot of guilt about it. so, i got pregnant and of course stayed sober the whole time. even after i had my baby i didn’t do much but drink. then we moved and all the sudden X became readily available. i used to take acid all the time, but X was different and it really made me/us feel good. that lasted about year (weekends only) and then one weekend a friend of ours brought over some beans.. i guess he had a problem with them. who knew? he offered us one and believe it or not, the first time they made me nauseous! if only i wouldn’t have tried them again! but i did and so did my husband and we really liked them! a little too much i guess. so that has been since december of 2009. i don’t know how we let it get this bad. it is ridiculous that we are paying $4 a pill and now it takes almost 4 to even get off! so that is 8 a day at $32 a day. and we sometimes take up to 6 or 7 a piece! our clinic runners didn’t go for a few days one time and we made it 3 days. we were so proud of ourselves because it was pure misery.. and then i get a text “do you need any” everything was thrown out the window and all that down the drain. then we went through it again a few weeks ago for almost 3 days. it was horrible. we have a 4 year old and full time jobs. sleeping it off is not an option. neither one of us can go into rehab. we are wanting to try and get off of them again.. and i am so scared i will fail! i am the one who does all the running and getting. he doesn’t deal with them at all. he is getting heartburn all the time and i am wondering about his gallbladder. we both say we are tired of having this monkey on our back and seeing all our money go out the window.. but i don’t know why this drug has us so weak at the knees. it doesn’t help that the dealers text or call me almost every day.. need anything? need anything? is the only way to beat this pure will power?? any words of advice for us staying strong will be much appreciated. oh, today is the first day i/we have been without. the dealers are already telling me they have some. i am trying so hard to ignore the text. =(

  • ozzyisgod

    chilli: i just read what you were saying.. we love our daughter more than words and she expects us to act like the loving parents she is used to. we too have gone through WDs 2 different times over the past year and the only thing that worked was convincing ourselves that it wasn’t her fault and we needed to suck it up during the daytime hours and try to play with her. no it wasn’t easy at all. we finally took her to the park and all of this was forced. trust me, it took a lot of badgering from both of us to do anything.. but everything i have ever read about withdraws says to work on your natural endorphins.. exercise, etc. so i will say going to the park, getting out of the house, it helped. of course we relapsed, but those 3 days were so hard. good luck!! we will be going through the same thing. you know the only thing i have found is that the mental part is a 1000x worse than the physical. i guess that is why we have failed each time we have tried to get off of them. oh man.. what a freakin mess this has turned out to be. i don’t have any regrets in life. it’s something i have always lived by.. regret nothing, but learn from your mistakes. but this, if i could go back in time, i never never would have started these!

  • Bethany

    Well hello to all the new people. I say that like I’ve been on here forever. Today actually marks two weeks. I admit that after a week I did go and see my doctor and get on anti-depressant medicine. I can’t say that I was wrong in making that move. I almost didn’t because my pain management and regular doctor offices are within eye sight of each other and I had so much anxiety as to what had possibly been said. I had a doctor’s appt yesterday with my pain management, but I did not go because I refuse to see him anymore although in the back of my mind I was tempted and thought about it all day. I will admit that I did slip up on Monday by taking one, but I will not start my count over or feel guilty for it because it made me feel so bad that it made me realize that it was a good decision to quit. The depression is nearly gone now and I am not sure where I am going with my life yet, but it is much better than before. I have not written because I went out of town to my husband’s family for a week to get away from everything. My husband does not have an addiction problem and he has been so supportive of me. I actually have patience now and our relationship has improved among other things. I do have sleep problems still, but like some one else wrote about I am taking melatonin. I do still have some back pain and so I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that. It’s not nearly as bad as it was on that medicine, but it is still bothersome. The last 3 days I have experienced some pretty bad migraines, but I’m not exactly sure what that’s a result of. It may be not taking sleeping medicine or possibly not taking the soma anymore. I am so glad that others are making the decision to quit. My husband’s grandmother gave me some wonderful advice about depression medicine that I think hold’s very true to us. We tend to take hydrocodone to mask both physical and mental pain. Michelle I think this is where it is hard for you. We see this drug that for a time being makes our physical pain go away so why couldn’t it mask the emotional as well. Well it can temporarily…. The truth is that once it wears off there we are facing the things again. But the thing that is good with an anti-depression medicine is that it allows us to face the pain head on without it ripping us to shreds. That’s where I stand now. There are still certain things that I choose not to think about right now because it is too much. I have to take things one step at a time and one day at a time, but I do know that with God all things are possible. I will continue to post and just for those that are going through the worst keep looking to the future because the clouds and rain will fade and a glorious new sun will appear.

  • Michael

    Meme,

    That’s a tough choice to make. Is the pain tolerable without the meds? If you go back to taking the meds, would it be because of addiction, or the pain itself? MS is a painful condition. Perhaps 7 or 8 a day is a bit much, but can you balance and take fewer?

    Again, this is a pickle. There are two kinds of addiction — accidental and intentional. I have pain, but I had intentional addiction, meaning I abused my prescription on purpose. Accidental is when you become addicted through needed and prescribed use.

    This may be taboo for people who are recovering opiate addicts, but your condition might require you to take pain meds. I just don’t know. But you know where the unhealthy line is, I think. When are you taking it for relief, and when are you taking it to get high?

    Best of luck to you, Meme. I’ll pray that the right decision comes to you.

  • Michael

    Bethany,

    It really warms my heart to hear that you’re doing so well!

    There’s no shame in getting depression help from a doctor. I went when I was at my lowest — I kept thinking about blowing my brains out, literally, and it scared me. And the doctor I went to is the one treating for my pain. His help and understanding did a LOT for me. He was happy that I could admit to him that I had a problem, and said that now that he knows, he will only prescribe pain meds for post-surgical stuff. Though I’m still in pain, he’s helping me with other meds, like Lyrica.

    The depression can develop into suicidal thoughts and actions because it’s so despairing. It’s like you’ll never crawl out of it, and over the course of a week feeling like that, you can just want to end it all. I’m taking an SSRI, Lexapro, at half the normal dose. My doc said they treat people for addiction for about 6 months, because waves of depression aren’t uncommon. I experienced one just last week for a few days. And that’s when relapse happens.

    And yes, most addicts are self-medication for conditions like depression. I never saw it before, but I am prone to short bouts of it. The hydro just made me SOO damn happy — it was like a miracle for me. When I felt down, I’d triple the dose I’d take for my physical pain, and then I felt great. But that does fade, obviously, when you have to take incredible amounts just to feel somewhat normal.

    So there’s absolutely no shame in taking something for depression. Not only is the withdrawal depression absolutely horrible, but there are definately co-morbid indications with addiction, like anxiety and depression, that lead to addictive behavior.

    Stay strong, friends. Get the help and support you need, and it makes this journey that much better.

  • http://y M

    Never say never. Day 11 and I am in a foreign land.(literally)9hr flight. I got a hell of a cold and I mean a real bad one. Now Im in a great climate and sick. I hope it is a cold and not WD. I dont think ill ever put my body through that intentionally; Everyone of you all can do this and it will be so much better in a couple of days. I promise. Then you can concentrate on just why you abuse, and never again use or abuse opiates. Sway, you got to get help! What we read is you deserve to be free of opiates. You are way to old for that level of tylenol what am I saying? Who is preaching? Yeah a 60 yr old SOBER opiate free senior. If you are in good health, Get a friend(wife), immodium,tylenol,ibuphrophen,and ambien for sleep. and rip off bandaid. It took me 4 days of discomfort to understand I could make it and the rest is just discipline. Discipline with a purpose. A real worthy purpose. Do it for yourself and the outfall will be good for your family and the rest of the world. We will be hear waiting to help you.

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    hi M–thank you for responding and caring, you are right, i must, i need to be free of the hydros, and i am now wanting to, so now i must., i will spend the rest of tonight thinking about the right day to start–i am thinking about taking a few weeks and wean down to around 6 or 8 -10/325 a day, then quit totally, my reasoning is this, to go from 24 ish a day to zero will be tough, real tough, (without being in facility) so my thinking is if i start tommorrow and only take 23, then day after 22, so on, then get down to 6 ish a day, and stay on 6 ish a day for a few days, then quit, it will be the best, i know the depression will come, and the rest, i am hoping not, i have heard of people that were prayed over, and got a miracle, immediate total deliverance, with no more desire, cravings and 0 withdraws, this is what i am praying for and what i want GOD to do, but as the 3 men in the firery furnace said, we know that our GOD is able to deliver us, but even if He chooses not to, we will still serve Him. and we know that GOD did choose to deliver them. i know GOD is Faithful, but not my will be done but His will be done, if i dont get a miracles miracle, then He has His reasons for me to need to go through withdraws, enuf of me preaching, i will decide tonight to either wean down and quit or to go cold , be in prayer for me all of you who have a personal relashionship with Jesus, thank you and GOD BESS ALL OF YOU FULLY i am praying for all of you too. GBY==SWAY

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    thank you for responding and caring, you are right, i must, i need to be free of the hydros, and i am now wanting to, so now i must., i will spend the rest of tonight thinking about the right day to start–i am thinking about taking a few weeks and wean down to around 6 or 8 -10/325 a day, then quit totally, my reasoning is this, to go from 24 ish a day to zero will be tough, real tough, (without being in facility) so my thinking is if i start tommorrow and only take 23, then day after 22, so on, then get down to 6 ish a day, and stay on 6 ish a day for a few days, then quit, it will be the best, i know the depression will come, and the rest, i am hoping not, i have heard of people that were prayed over, and got a miracle, immediate total deliverance, with no more desire, cravings and 0 withdraws, this is what i am praying for and what i want GOD to do, but as the 3 men in the firery furnace said, we know that our GOD is able to deliver us, but even if He chooses not to, we will still serve Him. and we know that GOD did choose to deliver them. i know GOD is Faithful, but not my will be done but His will be done, if i dont get a miracles miracle, then He has His reasons for me to need to go through withdraws, enuf of me preaching, i will decide tonight to either wean down and quit or to go cold , be in prayer for me all of you who have a personal relashionship with Jesus, thank you

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    sorry for double posting, what happened is, i sent the 1st one at 10:24 pm (montana time), then i logged back in here a few min ago and it did not show my posting, so i made a copy of previous posting and tried to post it, it would not let me, saying i had already posted the writtings, but it was not here, atleast i could not see it from my comp, so i took out a few words and posted again, then the new posting came up, and also, then the 1st posting was here,, got me?, sorry all, SWAY

  • http://y M

    You mentioned a certain Jewish guy in your posting. Now lets see, he gets his ass handed to him after doing nothing but rightous miracles,they call him a lier, severely beat and crown him with thorns, convict him of no real cause, tie him and beat him again, hand him a huge cross to carry for his own death, nail him to the cross and wait for him to die out in the open suffering like an abandoned lamb. Did he cry and say how hard it was. Not a word…Now look at my posting look how weak we are. I was too ashamed to get Jesus involved, I was tough,I though, that lasted till my body ached an my mind got a little fuzzy. But I never got close to as uncomfortable as he was. Please dont wait get rid of all temptations and get your self free of opiates. Its free you just have to join a club with lifetime membership (sobreity) so far its a great club as I have only joined 11 days ago.But, you know people actually want us to be active in our exclusive club. So dto recap SWAY, Your are a mortal, addicted to hydros, who asks a guy (who allowed himself to be crucified for you and I)for help. YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!! !!WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!If you think tapering is the way to go so be it. I tried that once and was so tired of waking up and counting pills looking at calanders. If you are healthy get rid oof temptations, a good friend tylenol , ibuphrophen,immodium,

  • http://y M

    You mentioned a certain Jewish guy in your posting. Now lets see, he gets his ass handed to him after doing nothing but rightous miracles,they call him a lier, severely beat and crown him with thorns, convict him of no real cause, tie him and beat him again, hand him a huge cross to carry for his own death, nail him to the cross and wait for him to die out in the open suffering like an abandoned lamb. Did he cry and say how hard it was. Not a word…Now look at my posting look how weak we are. I was too ashamed to get Jesus involved, I was tough,I though, that lasted till my body ached an my mind got a little fuzzy. But I never got close to as uncomfortable as he was. Please dont wait get rid of all temptations and get your self free of opiates. Its free you just join a club with lifetime membership (sobreity) so far its a great club as I have only joined 11 days ago.But, you know people actually want us to be active in our exclusive club. So to recap SWAY, Your are a mortal, addicted to hydros, who asks a guy (who allowed himself to be crucified for you and I)for help. YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!! !!WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!If you think tapering is the way to go so be it. I tried that once and was so tired of waking up and counting pills looking at calanders,and some bogas reason came up to just take this hours pill now and it will be alright….JUNKIE TALK… If you are healthy get, rid of temptations, a good friend, tylenol , ibuphrophen,immodium,and ambein, and go gor it 2-4 days and you will beel better,look better and respect yourself for the first time since when??? Ill be here till I dont know. YOU CAN DO IT BRO ,

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    M-thank you

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    howdy all-hi, i have made my mind up, i will go to church in the morning, then i will cut back to only 12 pills of 10/325 on sunday, then i will go down to 8 a day on monday, tuesday and wed., then 7 a day for next 3 days, and 6 a day for 3 days, 5 a day for 3 days, 4 a day for 3 days, then for next 3 days i will only take 3 pills, and when i get down to 2 pills (10/325), i will break them in half and make the 2 pills last all day for 3-7 days, then quit., i believe i need to wean down to these ammounts because my addiction is severe, this process will take me close a month to complete, i do believe i can make this work, i have the thought, desire, motivation and will, i trust GOD to supply strength and grace, and to answer prayers, i know that prayer helps, so please be in prayer for me, GOD is Good.
    thank you, i mean it, Thank You All–SWAY
    GBY
    i really dont want to be sick and depressed, but as you said M, our LORD JESUS went through alot more than this for us, and i think i deserve to be sick from withdraws, i have a total of 7 hurniated disc, torn rotator cuff etc and etc., pain is real, but i let myself become addicted, i hate it when drs. call it dependence and not addiction, anyway, i will make it, i dont have another choice than to come out the other side, and then maybe a smile will come to my face, and i can feel true love again, i really miss being able to love, and i hate being selfish and selfcentered, as someone said that hydros are the devils drug, i agree he can and did use it on me to corrupt me, but the LORD is stronger, and i pray, that the LORD GOD rebukes him, IN GOD I WILL AND DO TRUST, The HOLY SPIRIT Is My Friend, He is Good to me, i hope you understand what i am saying, i say this with a humble heart, whats the old old saying, who the LORD sets free is free indeed, i believe it, here i go preaching again, forgive me, this is about my sin and being free from it and to serve GOD

  • http://y M

    Day 13,
    Sounds like a plan. A short couple of weeks and you will be getting on with life. One you can be proud of in any circles. Yeah I know about the disc issues and had both rotator cuffs repaired the slings are a bitch (blue) not my color. War stories…I got a million and guess what they all fit when I was looking for a pilll!!! I just got out of Mass, of course it was in Spanish so I had to play it by ear, now to nurse this cold. I got faith in you Sway so get it on.Im sober in SA

  • Michael

    Before I give any more input, I have to confess some shame. I came across oxycontin and took some the other day. I took 2 at 20mgs. I was not thinking about how much progress I’d made, or any consequences. I feel like I let myself and everyone else here down, and I apologize. I removed myself from the situation where I have access because I obviously can’t control myself yet. I’m sorry everyone.

    I’m not going to restart my clock, but now I’ve got some dark smudges in my record. :( It’s amazing how strong that pull is, even when you don’t feel depressed, or are having any other problems.

    M,

    Good job! You’re definately in the clear. The cold you’ve got is probably just a cold — you most likely aren’t experiencing the WDs anymore. And if you made it through without getting the depression yet, then you’re good to go!

    SWAY,

    I just read through your posts. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. The fact that you know you’re in trouble and need to get off is a huge step. You’ll need to lean heavily on your faith, I think. But you can do this.

    Please stay strong, and keep us posted! God bless!

  • http://y M

    Michael,
    Good that you look the situation in the eye. The temptations must be removed its just the Gorilla jumping from a Shoulder to your Back, Now you know!! so drag up your pants and never look back, you are clean and sober man STAY THAT WAY! I hope this is just a cold or Ill be a textbook case for WD,
    Sway,
    Please tell us how you are doing you have got to see we need your input juat a much a one day person needs our encouragment.

  • Bethany

    I’m not sure how many days that I’ve been sober. I have a hard time trying to calculate the days at this point. I do know that Thursday will be three weeks. I went to church for the first time in a long time yesterday and I saw all the familiar faces that I had known before. The problem is that I am not the same person that I was before. That medicine gave me a so called definition of myself and I feel lost because I can’t actually say that I know who I am anymore. This whole situation is a cluster-crap mess. I don’t mean sobriety, yet I mean facing the things head on that I tried so hard to avoid and hope to God they go away. I wanted to scream from inside the church that I was not the Bethany that everyone had thought they knew that I was a new different person. The Bethany they knew was very outgoing and rude to the point of cutting everyone off in their sentence. Now I was a timid, scared, secret filled person. It’s funny because I am not prepared to talk with anyone about this except a few select people, but I have no problem sharing with ya’ll. My Pastor directed me to a counselor that I am going to meet with on Wednesday. I have had so many things that I endured in my life such as sexual, physical and mental abuse. Although I thought I had dealt with these issues and turned them over to God I still feel as though they are festering up inside of me. My dreams have always been really vivid and they too are haunting me. So it’s no rest for my mind…..It’s hard for the people around me to understand any or all of what I have to say or think. It’s like I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. My pastor’s wife suggested that I go to an NA meeting and admit that I am an addict. That word just makes me cringe. I have been told that my past does not define my future and only God does so why is everyone trying to define me by that now. I may have been an addict, but I am not now an addict and will never be one. I may have thought’s of an addict, but if God does not define me by that then why should man. Am I in denial? No. I am just determined. Yes this is my second addiction, but this one is more complicated than the last. The other addiction was cut and dry wrong and this one was not purposeful or wanted it just snuck up on me. So where do I go from here? I have no idea this cluster-crap needs to be unwound one string at a time.

    Michael- I ask you to do one thing for me, do not rest on the guilt of taking a couple of pills. Should you recognize that it was wrong absolutely just as I realized I was wrong, but ask for forgiveness and move on.

    We are all battling a huge fight and the last thing we need to do is weigh ourselves down with guilt. There will be a time that we will need to recognize what we did wrong and face that head on, but right now we are so prone to falling into the guilt hole and it will consume us to the point of no return and then guess what there we go again.

    One last thing as I know my post is long is that I recommend to those that were buying it on the street to make sure you disconnect those contacts. I have never purchased any on the streets so that it one temptation that I do not have to worry about. I do not say this as if I am better than anyone else. I say this in the fact that I was fortunate enough to not know anyone that sells. Had that temptation been available I would have faltered just as the rest. This advice stems from my first addiction in which I disconnected contact with everyone that I knew. Even if I wanted to use at this point I have no one to call. This makes life somewhat easier. I pray that each one of you are blessed and I know that you are strong enough to persevere. God Bless.

  • patrick

    Hi every one i had to take a couple of 10/500 hydro for pain i realy feel guilty but i am not going to beat my self up i had 49 days i know now that i have come a long way for the future good luck to every one

  • http://y M

    Day 15 I need a hug!!

  • http://y M

    Dont look back Patrick. the other side is where we want to be. Were other pain relief methods available or did you just get off? dont think I havent thought about it. Now move on and get back on track. We need your input and advice.

  • MW

    I am 47 years old, and have been addicted to hydro / opiates since I was 14 years old. I suffered a major trauma, I was abducted and almost decapitated. Back then, doctors would give you anything, especially due to all of the surgeries, etc. I have had 14 major surgeries in my life, which of course were followed by large doses of intraveous and pain meds. I was industrious however, by the time I was in my 20’s, I had a great job in the financial industry and worked my way up to an executive position. I was off and on drugs through all of this. I had children, did not use during any of my pregnancies, even I knew that was dangerous, but of course, after the babies were born, guess what? More pain meds! After my most recent surgery (fusion in my cervical vertebrae, could have been caused from stress from my earlier trauma), I realized that I had a serious problem. I could no longer function unless I had the meds. Ultimately, I lost my job. I thought I was in the right and have used my addiction to blame everyone but myself. My husband is disabled, and is also on hydro. I no longer have my own prescriptions, but have someone who supplies me. I have gone CT many times, have suffered through weeks and weeks of the “flu”. I am currently on 1 10/500 per day. It is maddening, but after reading all of these posts, I know I can do it! I appreciate all of the suggestions on how to get through it, but am terrifed of being clean! Suggestions?

  • Michael

    Bethany,

    As you know, one of the main reasons people continue to use opiates is because of underlying problems with depression, or some related emotional / mental issue. I can’t say anything other than I think seeing someone about that is the absolute right thing to do. Combination therapy using an SSRI (not all are the same, you might have to take several before they work) along with seeing a therapist (again, not all are the same, it may take some shopping around) is the best thing in almost all these cases. Especially to work through some of the things you may have in your background.

    I hear you on the whole “addict” label. I cringed when my doctor used that with me. But he said “ex-addict,” which is, I suppose, what I am. I do have thoughts of an addict. I have an addictive personality. And I have all the trademarks of being an addict. But I’m no longer addicted to anything, and am constantly working to keep it that way. So I wouldn’t think you’re considered and addict, but an ex-addict. But maybe groups like AA and NA like you to label yourself a “life-long” addict because it’s a life-long struggle. I don’t know.

    But you’re getting to the point where the withdrawal depression is going to fade away. Once that goes, you WILL feel like you did before you started taking the hydro. Until then, you’re going to feel like a shell. An empty husk just going through the routines. That’s normal, and the last little bit of withdrawal. I think it took about 3 weeks for me to really feel normal again. To be happy.

    As far as the guilt, I think the part that bothered me the most is that I come here and try to offer help, yet I went back on so much of what I talk about. I wasn’t concerned about getting addicted again, but I let my desire to feel high again override my thoughts. I’ve let the guilt go, but I still have to answer to everyone counting on me to stay clean. I take it as a lesson for future reference and then move on from that.

    Patrick,

    As the past few posts have been about relapsing a little, please don’t feel guilty, especially if you took some meds to help with legit pain. The cycle you want to break is feeling like you have to take them to get high, or even to feel normal. Which you’ve already broken. A couple of pills aren’t going to undo all of that unless you keep going with it. This is one reason that staying clean is so damn hard.

    M,

    I know the feeling like you need a hug! As I said for Bethany, the depression should be tapering off soon, and be just about gone around 3 weeks. It really does suck, doesn’t it? I think it’s by FAR the worst part of withdrawal.

    MW,

    Do you feel like you’re more scared of what your life will be like without the pills than you are of the withdrawals?

    If you’re afraid of the withdrawals, you can read up to follow those of us who’ve chronicled our journey here. It’s like pulling off a band-aid. It hurts, but it fades away. Because everyone is different in their body chemistry, I don’t know what you could expect, but the short-term WDs shouldn’t be too bad, I imagine. You’ll probably feel crappy for a few days, and lose some sleep. But nothing you’d need to be hospitalized for.

    As far as the mid-term withdrawals, like depression and anxiety, I have no idea. You’d just have to see what you feel like a few weeks out. I pray you don’t get that because it’s so hard to deal with, but you can make it through that too.

    Now, if you’re scared about what life would be like without the meds, I can tell you that I’m SO happy I’m no longer addicted. No more worrying about running low, or when I’ll get my next script, or making sure I take them with me everywhere I go… I look forward to family events and hanging out with friends WITHOUT having to be high while I do it. My mind is back under my own control… I feel HAPPY without having to pop three or four hydros.

    I was afraid, too. And I was thrust into withdrawals accidentally, against my wishes, when I ran out. But I thank God I did, because as horrible as the withdrawals were, and the ensuing depression, I’m on the other side and can see life with a much keener sense of appreciation.

    If you want a suggestion, I suggest you take the plunge and stop taking it. It would also be important to cut yourself off from your contact — having the temptation there makes it that much harder. I know I would (and have) falter if I allowed myself access to it.

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    hi all, Keep The Faith, before i speak (or write), i would like to say something to bethany. bethany- i am praying for you, and you will succeed, and yes you are right, we are a new creaton in Christ Jesus. and to you M, M thank you for your words of encouragement, good job, keep it up. and MW and all, listen to what it says in the Bible, in Proverbs chapter 16, verse 3, “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed”. i truly belive this, and i am happy for all of you, and i think all of us will be fine oneday, oneday real soon. and for you people who are reading our postings, but you have not posted yet, i know there are many of you, you are thinking of getting off the hydos etc…, and you are scared (so to speak) because the w/d can be bad, but this i know, you can do it. You Can Be Clean and Normal, i am on my 3rd day of only 8 a day, down from 24 a day just 3 days ago., and as was said in previous posting, in my opinion, most of the pain from w/d is in the mind, or has to do with the mind, i know from past addicions, from beer to gambling, meth to coke and everything in between, i have been addicted to about everything except herion, and boom, i am now addicted to hydros, herion?, close i think. you know i talk about GOD alot, with all do respect for anyone who dont agree with me, i would not still be alive, if it were not for GODS help in the past, and i know He will, already has started to help me, i have committed this to the LORD, and my plan is to be free from these pills, and i know GOD dont lie, so i know i will succeed, He has Promised me, and you., that being said, i also, like bethany, i refuse to call myself any achoholic etc…, or recovering this or that, for the truth is, when GOD delivered me from past addiction, He did a work in my mind also, i have not touched a beer in years, and i am not an achoholic etc…, and am not a recovering achoholic, etc…,maybe a past drunk etc…, but i have been set free from it., and i know He will, and is helping me again, now. i now have an addiction to pain pills, but also i am still a new creation (or creature) in Crhist Jesus (read 1st corinthians 5:17), and lets all remember this “GOD Is Faithful”, He will Help anyone who ask, and i know when i am out of pills (past). or like now, i choose to quit, using the wean down process,, i know it is hard to pray to GOD when the w/d are present, the best help i can recieve is from GOD, but askingis the hardest thing to do, with sincerety, when depressed etc….., thats why i will be praying for all of you, and there will be days i dont feel like praying, days where my faith will seemed to have left me, days that seem that GOD hates me, days my mind will lie to me etc…., so i need your prayers to get through this, thank you
    i have talked enuf, i will try to post daily from here on out, also i respect all you who post by the hrs., i know you all are not very selfish, you want to post to help others, and i know from past, that you probably dont feel like writting any posting, so thanks for your postings that are blessings, by the way, for any of you who doubt that GOD will Help you, i didnt say it would be a walk in the park (might be-its possible), but even if you and i have some w/ds or alot of w/ds, i know He (GOD) makes it easier, but we must ask His help, and if you Truly want to know The Power That GOD Has, then read LUKE 1:37 in the Bible.
    ps: i was thinking of all the addictions i have had in past, there could be a chance that GOD may use me, and you, to truly help others, and the children, GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU, i am praying for you
    Luke 1:37==========SWAY
    ps: sorry, just one more thing please, some of you may need to hear this, some of you who are reading our posting, but who have not posted yet, tell yourself this, and Believe this, because it is True, GOD Is Real and GOD LOVES YOU***FACT***GOD Is On Your SIDE
    *******REMEMBER ALWAYS LUKE 1:37*******

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    ps –sorry-forgive me for writting a short book-in my previous posting-i will keep them alot shorter for now on–sorry—SWAY ps: i am standing on the Promise of Luke 1:37==Good Night All ***

  • meme

    K all sorry so long since last post. Have been really bad sick (ms) ugh! But after I spoke with my doc a second time (see previous post on jan 20th) he and I have decided that indeed my quality of life is the upmost important thing. I admit its taken me eleven years to move up to taking seven lorcet a day but I’d be lying if I said I did not enjoy not only the pain relief but the added bonus of the warm fuzzy the pain med gives me. Catch 22 where does the line begin to blur? tolerant dependent yep I am both so the plan is I decrease my dose back to five a day and be accountable!! To you guys myself my doc. I’m rambling I know but I wanted you all to know what’s been up. Much love and respect, muah, meme

  • Jerrell

    Today is my 30 day mark free from the hydro. Wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing. Wow! A lot going on. I feel better and better every day. I do have the occasional craving to take another hydro, I even try to rationalize a reason to take one. I quickly think back about everything I have gone through to make it back to “normal” and resist the urge. This is a very tough battle especially when you have real pain. It is so easy to slip but I hope that everyone here will take a minute before reaching for another pill and remember how horrible the experience of stopping is, how dangerous this drug is and how good it is to be able to feel, hear the birds singing, your favorite song playing and how everyday that passes and you are free from the pills your life gets better and better.
    @ Patrick I do hope you are ok and it was only a slip. You’ve come a long way.
    @ Michael I completely understand how easy it is to slip, hang tough we are all grateful to you and appreciate your dedication to the help of everyone here.

  • http://y M

    Im stuck in a SA country cathcing about every 4th word of the locals. Before I quit opiates. I would be in the streets owning the world. Now Im stuck in the flop house hotel listening to the people trying to feed themselves. and honking taxi horns all day and night long not too glamorus. Missed a tight flight and here I am?????? I do have a new sense of what is worth my time and energy. Maybe I was lazy all the time?. Anyway Im glad to see people are comming back to post here. I was lonely, it looks like Patrick and Michael have close friends who really care about them. good for everyone. Sway you can talk and write all you want we just want you to get down to business. I have been trying to walk everyday. my hip are sore from the sidewalks and assending to the top of some of the ruins. It just feels like my mind could care less so I drudg on foot in front oF foot. Day 16 I need a fooT rub!!Please help me slay this beast (Gorilla) I REALLY LOOK forward TO SEE WHAT IS POSTED HERE.

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    HI SOME OF YOU ON HERE KNOW ME I’VE BEEN COMING TO THIS SITE FOR ABOUT 6MONTHS NOW.I HAVEN’T BEEN ON HERE FOR AWHILE I’VE BEEN SPENDING TIME WITH MY GRANDMOTHER IN THE HOSP.BUT,SHE PASSED AWAY ON JAN.20 AND I MISS HER TERRIBLY.I DON’T KNOW THAT I WILL EVER GET OVER HER LITTLE SCARED FACE WHILE SHE WAS IN THE HOSP.DURING THIS TIME I SLIPPED AND TOOK A FEW VALIUM.BUT,SINCE THEN I’VE DONE PRETTY GOOD ON NOT USING ANYTHING ELSE.ON SATURDAY I FELL AND I KNOW I HAVE BROKE MY TAILBONE BUT I HAVE REFUSED TO GO TO THE DR. FOR THE FEAR OF THEM GIVING ME SOME HYDROS.BECAUSE AT THIS POINT I DON’T KNOW THAT I COULD OR WOULD TURN THEM DOWN.SOME OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT IT WAS JUST OCTOBER WHEN MY YOUNGEST BROTHER WHICH WAS ONLY 32YRS. OLD DIED NOW HERE I AM 3 MONTHS LATER AND I’VE LOST MY GRANDMOTHER.I WAS VERY CLOSE TO THEM BOTH SHE WAS LIKE A MOTHER TO ME.I JUST FEEL VERY VULNERABLE THAT I WOULD GET HIGH IF THE TEMPTATION WAS THERE SO I’M TRYING TO AVOID EVERY ONE AND EVERYTHING AT THIS POINT BUT I KNOW I CAN’T CONTINUE ON DOING THAT AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANY MORE.I THINK MY MIND AND BODY IS EXHAUSTED RIGHT NOW AT THIS POINT I PRAY THAT IT GETS BETTER SOON.I’M VERY PROUD TO SEE EVERYONE DOING SO WELL.MICHAEL I’M PROUD THAT YOU ARE STILL HERE I KNOW THAT YOU WILL GIVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE.MICHAEL I KNOW HOW VERY EASY IT IS TO SLIP SOME TIME SO DON’T HOLD KNOW SHAME ON YOURSELF BECAUSE I THINK IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US.KNOW ONE IS PERFECT AND WE ALL HAVE A LOT TO BE PROUD OF.WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY TO GET WHERE WE ARE TODAY.AND I’M NOT EVEN VERY CONFIDENT IN MYSELF RIGHT NOW I AM HOPING THAT IT GOES AWAY SOON.HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY !!!!!!!!

  • Chilli

    Hi all, just an update…..I tapered down to 1 Vic for 2 days then a 1/2 Vic for 2 days. I am on day 3 with zero vicodin in my system. I have had help….1mg of Xanax twice during the day. The last time I tried to quit I bought some Kratom online…but I was too scared to try it even tho it’s completely legal. Well on day one with no vics I tried it in the evening (the time of day when I would binge on vics) and WOW it helped. It was like being on vics but it isnt an opiate. So it could help u while your body flushes out opiates.I would recommend researching this stuff if u dont think u can do it c/t with no assistance. It can be addictive, but from what I’ve read it’s a fraction of what we r dealing with. Now here is my gut check moment…my script is ready to refill tomorrow. Lots of pep talks in the mirror are coming over the next 24 hrs!!! I don’t need these f***ing pills anymore…..

  • Chilli

    Michelle, breaking ur tailbone has gotta hurt like hell, so u need something. Just simply tell the doc that you want a strong, non-narcotic medication for the pain. Imagine what a step that will be….when you prevent the doc from offering you those horrid pills before they even have the chance…..

  • Chilli

    Well I took some kratom (enuf to feel normal… Not enuf to get a buzz). I picked up my 3 yr old, made him dinner and fed the dog. I feel normal…no wd symptoms at all. I only took 1 mg of Xanax once today as opposed to twice. My dr office is officially closed today so I could call in my vico refill and have it first thing in the morning (if not tonite…as they’ve refilled during closing hours before). But u know what? It’s not gonna happen!!!!! This is my 4th attempt to quit and I have never made it past day 4. By day 3 I knew that I was getting more pills the next day, no matter what. But I think I might have found the right combo to kick this crap. I am using the kratom only to help with the wds and not to feel high. I’m cutting back the Xanax….im not going to sub one addiction fir another. And i wake up and i dont take anything for at least 4 hours….i want to feel the withdrawl for a good while each day….so it reminds me to never get in this situation again! And I truly believe that it’s different for everyone. I have spent hours upon hours researching different ways to quit and reading the boards. Tomorrow is day 4 for me and I feel so excited that I am in the mindset I am in now. Could this really be the time that I do it (FINALLY?). Hell yes It is. I recognize that even though i think the vicos make me feel like I can lead a normal life, I know that the opposite is true. I haven’t fully engaged as a mom for awhile cause pills were always lingering in the back of my mind. The next step will to get through the psychological part. But I feel stronger this time around than any time before. I think it is finally time! I apologize for the multiple posts….but it’s part of my therapy. God bless u all

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    chilli-you will make it–YOU WILL WIN this battle, and you got the GOD who created the heavens and the earth, The GOD who created you is on your side, you have alot of Help coming from Him, so i know you will WIN The Battle, and YOU WILL WIN THE WAR-Keep The FAITH-i will post later-GBY-im praying for you-thank you for your prayers for me-i need them

  • Chilli

    Thank u sway….yes… I will win it this time. I really know I’m ready. See…previous times when I tried to quit I would post that “I think I am ready”. That statement has changed. I have read all of ur posts and am anxious to hear how your journey is going. I am praying for you and everyone on here.

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    hi all, well it has been tough the last 3 days, but the real test with start tommorow (thurs), i will be cutting down to 6 a day (10/325), i hope to be able to go down to 5 a day after 3 days, you know going from 24 ish a day down to 8 a day is still rough, i mean alot of the physical w/ds are at a min., but the old mind and flesh wants to fight against me still, depression still raises her ugly head, but, i will also win the battle,
    ******* some of you know this, others of you dont know this= this being- prayer works and it helps, so please be in prayer for me-steve=SWAY, good night and GBY, i will try to start posting in more detail as i start weaning down more, one more thing, has any of you used the wean down process before?, give me some details of what i might have to go through–thank you

  • Chilli

    Hi sway, I think that for the amount and period of time u have been on them, I think it would be best to wean urself if u are strong enough to do it. Ur schedule looks good…you might be dragging it out a bit but again, you have been on a large dose. Wean urself…but in the meantime…u need to figure out your battleplan when you are down to zero? You need to have that plan ready to execute. I’m struggling today I’ll admit. This is day 4 and the day I can just call the pharmacy for 120 fresh vicos. I woke up this morning with this incredible urge. But I’ve been going through my wean/withdrawal process for a week now….I don’t want to start over. I just got outta the tub and I took 1mg Xanax. Still hurtin though….and the kratom I am only using in the evenings so…..I have a long day ahead of me

  • Emily

    Hi Sway, I tried the weaning process as you are doing. It simply didn’t work for me. It was all or nothing. I was obsessed with the “pills” all day, everyday. I can’t have them anywhere near me, not even in another room. The best thing that worked for me was going to a therapist and talking things through! I simply couldn’t do it on my own, as I had tried numerous times. I’m not knocking what you are trying. It may work for you. It just didn’t for me. I wish you the absolute best! Will be praying for you!

    By the way, I started taking them for cervical spine stenosis in 2008 and then my husband passed away in August 2008, six weeks after my surgery, which only added fuel to the fire. And, just a few days before he passed away he had said, “Be careful with those things.” I think about what he said all the time.

    I finally started therapy in 2009 and was off them for 6-1/2 months until my appendix ruptured in May 2010 and was in the hospital for a week. That started the whole vicious cycle over again. I’m still on them and fighting with myself everyday to get off and not to wait. I also have a 5-year-old daughter who needs her Mama clean and sober, and I need her! She was just a month shy of her 3rd birthday when her daddy passed away.

    My first clean day will be tomorrow; I’ve already blown it for today. Keep me in your prayers! Also, I start therapy again next week, which should help tremendously! Good luck to everyone! I will be praying for each and everyone of us!

  • Bethany

    Sway- I understand the idea of wanting to wean, but in a sense I feel sorry for you. I say this because for me I was taking over 14 a day. My last script was for 7 a day thus the problem in itself. I would highly recommend just pulling the band aid off and dealing with the 3 days of withdrawals. I actually only had the worst of the withdrawals for a day. The depression and anxiety can be fixed with a doctor so I would not concern yourself with that. I say this because I try to imagine myself in your shoes and dragging it out that long and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself go through all of the withdrawals for however long. The final decision is truly up to you. I have seizures so I was looking at a real risk when I did it that way, but I believe if you are faithful to God then he will be faithful to you.

    Today actually marks three weeks for me. I still do have some pretty bad anxiety, but I am not letting this anxiety prevent me from doing things. My back did starting killing me last night and while I must say that I was tempted to find a doctor, not for a narcotic, but for something to help the pain I didn’t. I did find some Celebrex samples that my pcp had given me some time ago. That seemed to help some so that’s I guess what I’m going to try and do. I go back and forth constantly about seeing a pain management doctor again. As I mentioned before I do have legitimate back pain and it does sometimes get unbearable, but even at its worst it was nothing like what it was on this medicine. So I’m not exactly sure if I will go to a pain management doctor or not. My fear is that considering I have no health insurance the most that they could do for me is put me back on a narcotic, which is the last thing that I want.

    Chilli- Although I’m not a doctor and really have no authority on the issue I would recommend canceling your prescription. You need to not have any access to it. I’m on my third week and I can’t honestly say that if I didn’t have a prescription that I wouldn’t go get it filled. If you feel as though your strong enough then I will have faith in you as well. I would just personally be tempted.

    I also wanted to let everyone know that I’ve been reading this interesting book called a million little pieces. I’m not sure if it’s going to end as I would like it to, but so far it’s been pretty good. I’ve never been a reader, but I must say that this book has grasped my attention. It’s about a drug addict and alcoholic that spent six weeks in a detox facility. I would recommend reading as a great thing while going through this. It helps to take your mind away from everything that you are dealing with. God Bless and I know that I will talk to you all soon.

  • http://y M

    Michael, Patrick, were yall at? Please let us know you are still on this forum. Sway, Chili, Emily, Bethany, thanks for posting and the encouragment given is great for all or us.

  • Chilli

    Yeah well today was a bad day. I had to fill my other prescriptions for my back (humera, meloxicam….)….and I just ended up clicking on the vicodin button too. I had so mixh back pain today but I was so upset at myself. I just came home and took a nap. Thankfully the doc didn’t get around to refilling any of them today. So I did the kratom tonite and it has helped with my back pain. Tomorrow is day 5 of being clean. Hopefully I will feel better and have the strength to not go to the pharmacy. I guess bottom line is that I need to go see my doc and tell her what’s goin on….cut off my legal dealer so to speak. But I was so bummed out that I did what I did today. I was so sure that I was in the right mindset to kick it. But ur right….I need to tell my doc to not refill anymore….that’s the only way. May god give me strength tomorrow. And if not, I have to see my doc asap and start the process again in a couple of weeks. I will keep you all posted either way. I have ended day 4 and it’s the longest I have ever gone.

  • http://google michelle

    Chilli,yes breaking your tailbone does hurt like hell.But so far i have managed to deal with it.It is very bad at night when in the bed the pain I mean.but oh well i guess that’s life for me because like i said i don’t know if i would do that or not right now.So I’m just gonna try to deal with it the best I can.I am working on close to being 6months clean other than a valium or two and I was really bad on hydros so i’m scared to push my self.But hey chilli thanks for caring thats nice of you.And Michael where are you at i hope you are doing well kinda worries me that you haven’t been on here.I’m keeping you as well as every one else in my PRAYERS and hope you all are doing well.And most important continue to do well.And for those of us who ever it may be that slip up from time to time it’s normal almost all of us go through that so please don’t be ashamed if that happens to any one of us because we are humans and we do make mistakes.

  • Emily

    Can someone please tell me if Suboxone helps? I’ve read that it helps with withdrawal. If so, can this be prescribed by my family doctor or does it have to be an addiction specialist or psychiatrist??

    My cousin chose methadone, but he is now tapering off it, after being on it for a year. I don’t want to go that route though. Has anyone else considered methadone? I honestly don’t want to go from one addiction to another, in my opinion, or at least that’s the way I look at it. Every time I talk to him to see how he’s doing, he’s always looking for money to get to the clinic to get methadone.

    Any information anyone can give me will be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much for listening!

  • Emily

    One last thing, I took my last Lortab around 3:30 this afternoon and my legs are already feeling the withdrawal, besides my mind being obsessed with the thought of “them.” I’m going to fight through this no matter what! I’ve got to get my life back, which also includes getting my finances straightened out. I have taken out loans just to get them. I have let pills control every decision I’ve made for the past 2-1/2 years.

    The best thing I know to do to occupy my mind is to PRAY, PRAY and PRAY some more! And seek counseling! I’m going to find a support group to go to tomorrow and this weekend, and from now on, whatever it takes! Please, if you’re a praying person, say a prayer for me and for all of us! Thanks so much!

  • http://www.spiritualriver.com SWAY

    emily-and all i will be praying for you, also, i am doing ok, i will make it, also i have learnt that when the thoughts of taking pills tries to come into my mind, i fight the thought and try to refuse to think about it, the battle is in the mind-and you can win
    GBY
    SWAY

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi,good morning to every one !!!!I hope you all have A wonderful day.Emily i have had A few friends to be put on Suboxone and they never get off of it,like you say it’s one addiction leading into another.The friends that i have that have been on it for awhile now get out and look for them also when they run out and there even more money than the pain killers on the streets so my self i don’t see how they really help you.I do wish the best of luck for you.It does get easier but,I’m 6 months clean almost and I still have the cravings sometimes I find myself wondering if I will ever truly be over this addiction.i haven’t used any pain pills in a long time but I still think about it more than I would like to.Although being sober feels wonderful and i do things that I used to wouldn’t out of fear that i would run out of my stash.And it feels good to be able to do things with my family and be sober doing so.I’ve done really good getting off of these things just only wish the thoughts would leave as well.But,we all can do it just hang in there and be strong because you can be the winner and it feels so good when you are.It really does feel good to be proud of your self.To every one on here HANG IN THERE YOU CAN DO IT !!!!!!!

  • http://y M

    MW,
    I am sorry I must have missed your post in my journey. YOU can do this. If you are healthy, just get the cocktail, a friend, tylenol, ibuphrophen,immodium,and ambien. I guess you know we all got horror stories. Sounds like you want to get your life back. I know someone with your resume can and will not let this continue. We are like a little pity party at times, just bear with us. I refuse to let my pride get out in front of me while making a decision which best fits my desired lifestyle. I am so tired of letting pills dictate my movement and travel. As I mentioned Im sorry I missed your post. Please stay with us we want you to be right were we are CLEAN

    Emily,
    It was said, “He helps those, who helps themselves”. Somehwere in this process we got to take responsibility for getting ourselves into this mess. If anyone knows I do. For real! I should have done this years ago. The couple of bad days are over and just about forgotten, its like that with pain you just remember it for a time then you recall and say I dont want to do that again. Im glad some are responding but I wish Patrick and Michael would reply. They were instrumental in me getting to where I am to day. Im on day 18.. today.

  • http://google Michelle

    Michael,and Patrick where are you guys really worried about you both.Hoping the best for you both.Update us and let us know how you are doing.You both have come way to far to turn around now so I’m gonna keep praying that,that’s not happened.And if it has it’s not to late to stop it before you get to far into it again.I so hope this has not happened to either one of you.GOD BLESS YOU I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS AS WELL AS EVERY ONE ELSE ON HERE.Have A great day every one……..

  • Bethany

    M and Michelle I am in agreement with you on needing to hear from Patrick and Michael. I also was wondering about Chilli. We haven’t heard from her today either. If I may speak on behalf of everyone we are a family to some degree and we need to hear from everyone to know they are okay. Even if you slipped up, we won’t pass any judgment we just want to know your okay. I know I don’t post everyday, but I check this website because I am concerned and I love to hear the stories of people who are struggling but are winning the battle. There is power in being able to relate to each other. It’s hard when you are going through this because you feel all alone. I know I do at times because my best friends and family and husband do not know what it’s like to be us. But we understand each other and we can relate to the struggle and in a way this is an addiction. But this addiction is good. We can win this battle and we will. Please update us on how you are doing and to the new comers we are all here to help.

  • http://google Michelle

    WE ALL ARE LIKE FAMILIES BETHANY I DO AGREE.NORMALLY WHEN I’M HOME I GET ON HERE FROM TIME TO TIME.I THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE ON HERE AS MUCH AS I DO MY FAMILY.I WONDER EVERY DAY HOW EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ARE DOING.BECAUSE I DO CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU AND YOUR OUT COME.AND HOPE THAT WE ALL CAN HELP OTHER PEOPLE.I’M NOT THE TYPE TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON ANY ONE.I HAVE NO ROOM FOR THAT IN MY LIFE GOD KNOWS I’VE NEVER BEEN PERFECT AND I DON’T THINK ANYONE HAS.SO HEY MICHAEL AND PATRICK COME BACK TO US NO MATTER WHAT WE’LL BE HERE OK.BETHANY I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU AND FOR YOU.KEEP GOING IT GETS BETTER AND BETTER.IT TAKES AWHILE BUT WE DO GET THERE YOU KNOW I’M 6MONTHS CLEAN PLAN ON TRYING TO STAY THAT WAY KNOW MATTER WHAT I HAVE TO DO.SO I WILL REMAIN COMING ON HERE FROM TIME TO TIME AND HOPE THAT I CAN HELP ANY ONE THAT NEEDS IT.HOPING THE BEST FOR EVERY BODY.GOOD LUCK TO YOU BETHANY YOU’LL ALWAYS BE IN MY PRAYERS….TTYL

  • patrick

    Hi every one
    I am doing O K but i have been taking one and half hydro a day for pain for four days i am trying not to get back to the old ways i think i am doing O K with the control i have to be very carful thanks michelle for asking cheers

  • Bethany

    Patrick,
    We all understand what it is to be in pain. This is where my struggle began and still is. My pain cannot be explained or treated in the same way that yours is. Do not beat yourself up for being in pain and needing to take medicine. It’s there for that purpose. We all love you and want the best for you, which includes being in good health.

    Michelle,
    You are in my prayers too. I actually prayed that God will have his hand in everyone’s life that has posted on here and that they will know his love. 6 months is a long time and I’m sure it has felt like eternity to you. As I am moving close to a month it feels as though a lifetime has passed me by. This is not an easy road that we have chosen to take, but it is the best one for us and we will be victorious.

    On a personal note, I think that posting on this site is somewhat therapeutic. I have so many thoughts that run through my head and being able to focus on something gives me peace. My first counseling session was more paperwork then counseling, but we will begin getting to the heart of the matter very soon. I think the one word that has been dominant in my life through this addiction has been Fear. I am trying to not let this fear control my life just as I am trying to not let a pill do the same. This is not a simple process. As my counselor has pointed out I have been listening to so many things in my head for too long that it will take a while to discipline myself to not listen. I do not have a job right now and the fact that I was able to obtain counseling was a God send. My counselor gave me some homework which includes reading the Bible. I was asked to spend 10 minutes a day in his word. Although this seems simple I can’t honestly say that I’ve been perfect in it. I can’t bring myself to beat myself up over it. I have to live and let be. Another assignment was to say this prayer that she gave me twice a day in lieu of taking that medicine. If I may I would like to share it with you. I hope that I am not offending anyone by posting this, but this is my journey and if it could help someone that does not have the funds then I feel as though it is good.

    Here is the prayer:
    Lord, I pray that you would “search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties” (Psalm139:23). Wherever I have allowed negative emotions to control me, deliver me forever from them. Show me things in my life that have been passed down in my family—attitudes, fears, prejudices, and even depression—and break these strongholds completely. Keep me from falling into habits of the heart that are learned responses to life. Lord, I pray for healing and deliverance from any depression, anxiety, fear, rejection, loneliness, or any other negative emotion that would seek to find permanent residence in my heart. You are the lamp of my soul, Lord, and I thank You that You “will enlighten my darkness” (Psalm 13:28). Thank You that You will give me rest from my sorrow and fear (Isaiah 14:3).

    Lord, take away all sadness and despair. Heal the hurt in my heart. Give me a garment of praise at all times and take away the spirit of heaviness. Make me to be a tree of strength. Plant me and feed me in Your word so that Your glory will be revealed in me. Rebuild the places in me that have been damaged or ruined in the past. Lord, I pray that You would “send out Your light and Your truth! Let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your tabernacle” (Psalm 43:3). May Your light in my life completely evaporate any black clouds around me so that they cannot keep me from sensing Your presence in my life. In Jesus’ name I pray.

    I would recommend to those that are interested to copy and paste and print it and read it. Hopefully it will help you as well.
    God Bless.

  • http://y M

    Patrick,
    I am glad to hear from you. Please be careful for your own sake. I dont know what your pain issues are but so may factors play into pain. A lot is in my head…again glad to hear from you and want you to stay with us.
    Wheres Michael?

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    GOOD MORNING TO EVERY ONE !!!!HOPE THAT ALL ARE DOING WELL.PATRICK I’M SO GLAD YOUR BACK KNOW BODY KNOWS BETTER THAN YOU WHAT YOU ARE DOING BUT REALLY BE CAREFUL.MYSELF I KNOW I COULD NOT CONTROL MY CRAVINGS I MEAN IF I ONLY TOOK ONE PAIN KILLER IT WOULD BE ALL OVER FOR ME.I HAVE A VERY ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY I’M JUST SAYING I KNOW I WOULDN’T STOP WITH ONE THAT’S ONE OF THOSE THINGS I LIKE TOO MUCH SO I HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM IT.I HOPE FOR YOU PATRICK THAT YOU CAN CONTROL WHAT YOU DO.BUT,FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS DO NOT LEAVE US YOU DO HAVE SOME FRIENDS THAT TRULY CARE OK AND I THINK EVERY ONE ON HERE WOULD BE HERE FOR YOU.I ONLY KNOW THAT MY MIND PLAYS TO MANY GAMES WITH ME SO I CAN’T ALLOW MY SELF TO DO ANY.WHERE IS MICHAEL I TRULY HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU ARE OK….

  • Michael

    Hi All,

    I’m alive and well — just struggling like most people here. The cravings to take a few pills are very, very, strong at times. And yes, I do think I’m moving into some kind of long-term depression. I just keep telling myself that no matter how good it would make me feel to take some painkillers, it’s a temporary solution. I remember the hopelessness of coming through the withdrawals before, and never want to be there again. Those were the darkest days of my life.

    So I will keep struggling and moving on. I tell myself that if I fall back into it, I WILL lose my job, and I WILL lose my marriage — everything will fall apart, and I’ve got the power to keep that from happening. But no, it isn’t easy.

    God bless you guys — I will try to get back on here from time-to-time. Oh, and I’ve just hit 3 months. :)

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    MICHAEL,CONGRATS ON YOUR 3 MONTH MARK THAT IS GREAT.HEY I KNOW HOW IT IS I’M SIX MONTHS CLEAN AND MY CRAVINGS ARE AS STRONG NOW AS THEY EVER WERE.BUT,I REFUSE TO LET MY SELF GO BACK DOWN THE DRAIN SO I KEEP TRYING.IT IS REALLY NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU THOUGH.I KNOW HOW THAT GOES TO,I THINK ABOUT MY 3RD.MONTH THAT I QUIT GETTING ON HERE AS MUCH.I GUESS IT’S THE CRAVINGS THAT I STILL HAVE THAT KEEP BRINGING ME BACK.THEN WHEN I READ A FEW OF THE POST I KNOW I NEVER WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN.SO I JUST KEEP GOING BUT I KNOW FIRST HAND HOW DIFFICULT EACH AND EVERY DAY IS.I JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.SO IF WE DON’T HEAR FROM YOU FOR AWHILE REMEMBER WE HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN YOU AND YOU WILL REMAIN IN MY PRAYERS.GOD BLESS YOU AND I HOPE YOU KEEP DOING WELL.JUST REMEMBER WHEN THE CRAVINGS GET TO POWERFUL WHICH SOMETIMES THEY DO. COME BACK HERE IF FOR KNOW OTHER REASON BUT TO READ OVER YOUR OLD POST IT REALLY DOES HELP I PROMICE.GOOD LUCK TO YOU…….

  • http://y M

    Michel,
    Glad to hear your story. Been awhile since we heard and were starting to be concerned. I guess I am a stepchild of yours and Patricks and have a need to bond..The girls Chili, Bethany, and Michelle are the Matriarchs, of my psuedo family. All of you guys are the real reason I was able to maintain through WD’s. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I worry about Sway, and MW(she has not posted again, boy can I relate to her situation.)Please keep our movement together and going forward so latest people who (just like me) are not intimidated by the process of getting clean. It is a bad situation, but if you are healthy, get the cocktail, a friend, immodium,tylenol, ibuprophin,and ambien,and remove all temptations and rip off the band-aid it will be the best move in your life to get rid of opiates and clean up. I hope all are better in their lives and thank you again for 21 days of being clean of opiates.

  • joe

    Just a note: the book A million little pieces.. Yeah the author totally made up the whole damn book. Goggle it you’ll see what I mean. Total disgrace to all who actually have addiction and really struggle with it. Shame on anyone who would lie like that. Just thought I would let you in on what a sham that book is. To think even oprah believed that asshole munchers cooked up story. Sad sad.

  • laurieset

    I love hydro!!!!!! I take about 10 a day. I wanna stop but I love that warm euphoric rush over my body.I love the energy it gives me. I’m more productive, friendly, and I feel wonderful when I take them. How can I stop something I like sooooo much? I don’t go and get them on the street. I have a doctor who gives me my scrips for 3 months at a time. I wanna be my old self again but dang these things have me hooked! Please give advice before I Sway away from getting help and just keep eating those little gems.

  • http://y M

    Well Laurie,
    Sounds real familiar. I wager everyone here has said the same thing several times. You cant have your cake and eat it too. 10 a day is large apitite not knowing your body wight or other pariculars and assuming your doses are 10/650 your tylenol consumption is out side the recommended limits. Please have your liver enzynes checked soon and if you are serious about not using read some earlier posts to ger an idea of what it takes to clean up. The longer you wait the more involved the process becomes. Just think how many times in 43 years of addiction I said, I’m quiting today. I was lucky no damage to anyone except myself. I wonder how if you have children will your “love of Hydro” affect them? Your social life? Please feel free to just relate to what I am now vs what I was on opiates. Before I was just a Zombie no feelings just a mechanical motion through life and its up and downs were no diferent. “I’ll just take a pill and it will all be OK”…ever said that..just what does that mean…I need a PILL to confront a simple matter. What a real waste of precious time. I just had to man up and take responsibility for my actions and quit BS’ing myself that I liked ruining my life I hope and pray you will come to a conclusion to take care of your body and spirit and stop abusing Opiates. WE are on your side.

  • Michael

    Thanks Michelle,

    I do feel those cravings pretty hard-core sometimes. Having the strength of community of others who’ve been through this really makes it more manageable. It’s not easy by any means, but I can maintain it. I thought getting through the depression and WDs in the beginning was the end of it, but apparently the urge sticks around for some time.

    M,

    Thanks to you as well for your concern and support. I am just struggling with the urges. I’ve found that when I get a craving, I can generally focus my attention on something else for a while, and it passes.

    As far as the others are concerned, I think that we all are on our own path at different places. If they’ve slipped and fallen back into it, then I feel like they’re where they need to be for the moment. The most I can do is offer support for when they decide to quit, and keep offering support no matter how many times they stumble. Because God knows, it’s easy to fall down. It’s through the support of others that we can help ourselves once we make the decision to do so.

    Laurie,

    I love the username! Loricet! Clever, in my opinion. :)

    Yes, I think that we all know how you feel. I too love opiates of all kinds. They just make you feel so great. If you’re sad, they make you happy. Hell, if you’re happy, they make you happier. Have trouble talking to people? Pop a hydro or oxy, and you can talk for hours! Trust me, I know.

    The key here is to know that you need help. It’s really a self-destructive habit, regardless of how you feel. You’re killing your liver slowly, along with your natural positive outlook on life. I don’t know how long you’ve been using, but eventually, it will make you an absolute slave. Sure, it feels great, but it doesn’t take long to get to where you have to take 10 or 15 just to feel normal.

    Ultimately, it isn’t going to us, or your doctor, or anyone else who will get you off the meds. You have to make that decision yourself. Once you do, you’ll find a WEALTH of resources and help from people who will give you all the support you need. But until then, that support is going to be in vain.

    I can promise you one thing — if you keep up with this habit, it will claim your life. Opiates are like a tempestuous mistress. She will entice you with promises of bliss, and eventually destroy you. As M said, we’re here for you, on your side, should you decide to help yourself.

  • http://google Michelle

    Hydros are the worst love of your life.I know how you feel used to i would put them before my husband and every thing else.But,I guess what got me was that my daughters started noticing my behavior when it would come to A pill.If I didn’t have any i was real snappy with them and every one around me which is bull shit because our children really do not deserve this,what they do deserve is A mother that is not an addict.You know when your 18yr. old is coming to you saying mom can we do this but we can go get you some pain pills first.That really opened my eyes my daughter should have never had to say this to her mom.So I told my self right then and there never another PK,my babies shouldn’t have to go through any thing like that.I guess when she said that to me I was through that really broke my heart and made me feel like A piece of shit in front of my girls.There was know way I was gonna continue letting my girls think their mom was A pill head.I never said it was easy because still to this day i struggle with the cravings look at it like this weather you are using or not you are always in want.If you have A supply your wondering what your gonna do when you run out and if you don’t your wondering what in the hell to do so know matter what your always in want.So the best thing is to just kick the habit for me it was A big mind thing.They really did control my mind i know longer had control of my self so how could i have control of my family when I couldn’t even control my own life.So thats what I did I kicked the habit yes I still want from time to time but,like I said your always in want just remember that.I hope that every one continues coming back to this site really without it I couldn’t have done it.And now when i get strong urges i come back here and go back to my old posts where i was withdrawing and that lets me know that is something I never ever want to go through again in my life.Life is to short to live this way really were shorting our on lives.I truly pray that every one stops doing these awful things to their bodies it’s just not worth it.and I will always try to help any one going through this god awful disease.so I will keep every one of you in my prayers just remember is does get better you may still have urges but when your able to control that it will feel so good that you want to do it again and that makes you feel as good as the pill did i promise. I have been there.Please don’t let this vicious drug pull you back into it’s cycle.Wishing the very best for every body.I will always be here to talk if any one should need to.I know that it is one of the hardest things in the world to do but you will so good about your self when you do.

  • Kathy

    Hello all, I just found this website today, self-detoxing again. Going on 7 years now, I was up to…let’s just say I’m chewing em like tic tacs. This drug has completely taken over humanity, like a thief in the night. Thank God I am so determined not to be a slave to these “happy, do-all” pills. Desperate, I googled “hydrocodone withdrawals” so I could identify withdrawals and symptoms that I was experiencing so as to prepare to meet the enemy this time with some type of strategic “mind-control”. If nothing else, I think I can succeed just “knowing” that all the posts are just like me, no discrimination to gender, race or ethnic origin. They are internal and external killers. The 3-5 day symptoms are right. Expect them, but you can get through them. I PROMISE. KEEP GOING. I am still basically hiding out trying to kick this deadly habit on my own. For the last two years, I have only been able to abstain from using hydrocodone or any narcotic basically for about the 14 days it takes to start feeling like a real person again. I can’t believe from how high I have fallen. I have lost basically all of my possessions, and have totally isolated myself to staying inside my house. My husband works offshore, so he is gone for two weeks at a time. Perfect for detox, right? Let me just not ramble on. If you are taking any of these pills with any type of behavioral patterns that you are seeing on this post, this is for real. These pills will never be true to you. They make you feel good to seduce you, take you in, and hold on tight. Believe me, NO PAIN, NO GAIN. Do not be afraid of the withdrawals. Expect the insomnia, stomach upset/diarreah, chills and sweats, leg pain and flu-like symptoms. I am on my 5th day again, and feeling optimistic. Thanks to all of you, I am not going to hide anymore. I find the exercise/walks, staying busy passes the time. Try finding music channels on your satellite, jack up the volume real high and just dance or exercise to the beat of the music. Remember, we are going through a tragic break-up with our LOYAL LOVE HYDROCODONE. We must expect a grieving period from our loss. You can do it! I can do it! We ALL can do it! Keep posting, people. You might have just saved my life.

  • http://google Michelle

    I know that this web site helped save my life.This was the most horrible thing I’ve ever been through.But you know what I made it and so can you.It is not easy but who ever said any thing in life would be right.So to all of you KEEP FIGHTING and you will make it.Just consider it to be one more of those horrible challenges that we go through in life.It does get better sometime the thought goes through my head and then it’s not hard to remind myself what i went through with this.Kathy hydrcodone was my loyal love for 8yrs.so I really know what you are going through.Keep being strong you will make it I know you will.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.I hope every one else on here is doing very well.Michael,yes I know those urges do stick around for awhile but i hope it gets better soon for you.I really think at this point you can manage it I can tell that you are a real strong willed person.So it will get better for you just remind your self what you have already been through.Michael you have a lot to loose so be careful i know that you think the world of your wife so be very careful so that you don’t loose the one that you truly love.Everyone on here is always in my prayers.

  • http://y M

    Thank you Michelle,
    Its day 22 and it was a bitch!!! I wanted to do a couple of blues and get around this weather. Cold, diarreha, blues, and I want a fix. Now that that is over. Im good. I just dont think opiates will do me any good anymore. They were just a mask for me to hide an not have to show the real me. I dont care what they see Im still me and Im here up front and center.Im here to stay!
    Kathy,
    Sounds like you got at lot going on and are being drug down by pills. I hope this is the last time you need to endure the WDs. If you have been doing for 7 years just get passed the first couple of days and know this is for you. This forum is a pretty honest group and I for one will testify that had I not been here all the way through my WDs things may have turned out differently. I know how lonely it can be by yourself so dont do it, get a friend, here or somewhere and the cocktail mentioned in past posts and be yourself with the help of God and friends you can and will make it clean and free of opiates. We are and will be here for you to experience our tales and add yours.

  • Jerrell

    Hello to everyone. I am now on day 36 free and I still have an uneasiness that I can’t understand. I feel like it is my brain trying to get me to take another pill. I was really hoping that it would be over after a month for sure but apparently as some of you have stated the cravings stick around for a while. The whole thing is such a struggle but I am grateful to everyone on here and God for helping me through the dark period of my life. To all of you who continue the battle please know that everyday is better when you stop taking the pills. I feel less depressed every day. I have been working on tapering off xanax 2mg a day on my own now after kicking the hydro’s and it is tough, but just like the hydro’s I am going to give up the benzo’s as well. Thanks to all of you for giving me the heads up and being here for me. I wish everyone the best!

  • http://y M

    We are here and will be . Good for you to act in the best interest of all by giving up opiates.Its an act for all to realize is a big thing. It sounds like you have a handle on this now and can tell when a urge is just that an urge. Please dont react. Trust in your self to know what to do. Just back away and be the person you want to be. I am so proud of you and know you will suceed in giving up opiates. I can only wait till I can say Im on day 36 (I will too). We are here to watch you get to 72!!

  • Michael

    M, Jerrell, and M (different M, I think :) ),

    You’re all doing so well — GOSH, that makes me so happy!! This whole thing is a real bitch to kick, but you’re kicking on out of your lives. Yeah, the depression sucks — I still say the worst part. But that fades. The cravings that come later are hard, BUT I’ve found that if I just distract myself with something else and stay active, the urge passes like the weather. As Michelle said, we ALL have so much in our lives that we can’t afford to lose. For me, it’s my wife. I can’t put her through this again, and I refuse to drag her down with me.

    So hang in there, you’re all doing so awesome!! I’m exactly 3 months out now, and the depression is a distant memory. All I have left are the cravings, which, as I said, I can distract myself from.

    Kathy,

    I hope and pray this will be the last time you have to kick this habit. It really does feel like a horrible break-up from someone you love. Isn’t it weird how that works? Almost like a relationship with a real person. But like a break-up, the pain fades eventually, and you get back to life as normal. Hang in there, and God bless!

  • http://google Michelle

    Hello to all hope to find that all of you are doing as well today as yesterday.As for me with this broke tailbone it is hard because i know that i could relieve myself of the pain but I refuse to do so because I know me and I would not stop so I guess i just keep taking the pain until it gets better i don’t know what else to do but just take it.I’m sure it will get better just hopefully sooner than later.I’m really proud of everyone on here including my self.My cousin called me yesterday and she is still using she said she was taking like 15 tabs a day I really worry about her but she will not listen to any thing I don’t know what to do for her any more.I’m scared to go around her because i know how easy it would be for me to get the tabs from her even for free so I don’t go over there and try to get her out and do things to help her because it would be so easy for me to slip right back into this cycle.so I guess if any one has any advice that I could use to help her other than being around her it would be greatly appreciated.M yes it is a bitch…I do agree with you there it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.Michael,I’m so happy that you are back and talking level headed:)I was real worried about you there for A few days only because I know how easy it is to fall flat of your face.But,I also know how much your wife means to you.I also know how much your own life means to you and we were only killing our selves with them.But i just wanted you to know that I’m very proud of you.I’m very proud of every one on here.hope everyone on here has a wonderful day.I will talk to you all later.

  • http://y M

    I had to get shoulder injected just could not take it anymore old injury had roator cuff done and I guess its just old age!! After procedure the MD says how are you and the pain? Do you want pills?? My mind was spinning and from out of nowhere my mouth said,” Naw I dont want any and I dont like that stuff….”Now who is this person that would say such things..If I could I would have patted myself on back. With the help of my new friends and family I can say things like this. I would never guessed I would say somthing close to this. . I hope I have the same resolve when Im on day 52.
    Michael,
    Im the same M (Moose) just hate that name. Im glad
    you are here and still sane. The cravings are really bad and then I have a Come To Jesus talk and I know I cannot take the first one or all this will be in vain. I learn from each or you and want to share in your victories over opiates.

  • http://google michelle

    M,I’m so proud of you and you do deserve a pat on the back.I know that is really hard to do.But in our case that’s what we have to do.I know I have avoided going to the Dr. because I’m so scared that I would take the script and walk out of there with it.I’m six months clean and would hate to mess up now but still at the same time I don’t feel confident enough to be temped that way yet.I only hope that one day all the urges go away also but honestly I don’t know if that’s the case or is this something I’m gonna struggle with for the rest of my life if that’s so I don’t know how in the hell to make it all the through with this addictive behavior.I only hope and pray that all in time this whole disaster goes away.I know one thing I can’t go back to my old behavior.I hope every one has A great day.And I will keep every one on here in my prayers.

  • http://y M

    Take care of your body. Just tell the Doc, you would rather not try meds. PERIOD.I have seen reference to your condition an know it must be painful. We are in a tender spot and must watch how we handle all situations involving opiates. I know you know the effort you have given to get where you are today just remember only you can feel what your body is telling you.

  • Richard

    like what i read and liked jims story…..i believe it and i’m up to 3 a day ive been on for over 10 years….ive stopped before and god knows the first 72 hours are hell…and then on…on top of it though is the stiffness and pain i talk to my doc and obvious predicament my choice hurt like jell and cant live a normal life or take these and live a normal life until ?health issues arise from use?……….i dont know i quit drinking alcohol a year+ ago…where i went from 1 to 3 …..if i quit a would start drowning the pain again….has no one discovered the ancient herb pill?? I want to be sobber and painfree….seems so far feched

  • Richard

    well just found your site will keep looking here bookmark it ….if you can do it i can too

  • http://y M

    Hey fella,
    everyone has a story. The real constant is that our stories are defined by one thing opiates. now you know you have an issue with this drug. That is the most important statement you can make. The next step it seems is to move forward and with the help of friends here and anywhere I know you can with a little effort make the move to not abusing opiates. We are here to help you make it.

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    I’ve not been in the exact same situation as you are with your cousin, but I do think you’re doing the right thing by staying away. I know you love her and want to see her clean, but that’s a decision she has to make on her own. You know as well as anyone that no one on this earth can convince you that you need to change your ways — only making that decision on your own will make a difference. Pushing too hard to get her to quit would just drive a wedge between the two of you, right? I personally would express my concern, but mainly take a step back from it and PRAY like crazy. I don’t know if you’re religious or spiritual, but I find that it does work. :)

    But yes, the cravings are VERY hard to overcome. If I had a bottle in my cabinet, I’m 100% positive I would fall back into it. I’m still at a point where my best method is resistance is to just remove all temptation. Maybe over time that will change, and maybe I’ll eventually get to where I can take something “as needed” for pain, but I’m nowhere near that point right now.

    M / Moose,

    That you said “No” to the script is absolutely amazing. I don’t know that I’d have that level of will to decline something like that yet. I’m so happy that you’ve been clean this long, and that you can resist that temptation. I too just got a steroid shot for my leg. It doesn’t help the same way as hydrocodone, but it does do something.

    Keep it up, my friend. Your story is definitely inspirational to anyone who might be reading this right now.

    Richard,

    If you feel out of control, and feel like the meds are taking over your life, then I think the absolute best thing you can do is decide you need to do something about it. The next step is to act on that choice.

    There are a LOT of resources out there for how to manage pain without opiates. I suggest doing some research on that and speaking with your doctor — and voice your concern about taking 3 hydro a day. I don’t know what the root of your pain is, but I’ve got some joint problems in my hip, and have been put on Lyrica. I’ve been taking it for a month now, and it does help with the pain. Also, it’s not nearly as addictive as anything else out there. I’ve stopped for a few days at a time to test it out, and no withdrawals at all.

    I also now take Tramadol, which, in my opinion, lasts a lot longer than the hydro did. It’s got a very, very weak affinity for the mu-Opioid receptor, but the analgesic effect I get from it is quite helpful. It does have a very minor potential for addiction, but it takes extremely heavy and long term abuse to get there. You’re more likely to have a seizure before you get to the addiction from Tramadol.

    Also, simple lifestyle things, along with mental and spiritual health are HUGE. Hang in there man, if we can do it, so can you.

  • http://google Michelle

    Richard i wish someone would find something that was just Herbal although i don’t think that is ever gonna happen.I don’t know about where you all live but where I live the Drs. love to write narcotics.Some of the drs. where I live will even go as far to ask you what you want I mean it’s just that easy.I think if some of these Drs. would be careful and just not be so quick to give these god horrible things every one would be so much better off.But,i have faith and i know that all of us can and will make it through this.Michael,yes I have to stay away from my cousin she called me a few times over the weekend and she was just out of her head.I feel so bad for her and wish that there was something i could do for her but like you said she has got to make that decision on her own.and I know that I can not afford to mess with it for the fear of getting my self back in the loop of a bad position.So I’m gonna keep my distance from her for now.I hope she changes her mind about what she is doing before it is to late because she takes a lot of hydros and mixes with xanax.I really do worry about her and she has two very young children.i will have her and every one of you in my prayers.Keep fighting were all gonna make it.

  • JB

    Short but sweet here, on 10-325mg 2-3 a day. How can I quickly taper off these with the minimum discomfort. I love reading these strories as they are an inspiration.

  • http://y M

    JB,
    Read past post #549 the reciept for the cocktail is included. You failed to mention the duration of your addiction. The more you take, the longer you take, the less comfortable the WD’s. If you can find a friend to help you, here or any where else. Talk to Dr. if possible . Your have made the first and most important step. you admit you have a problem. What ever the reason you are taking opiates has got to change. Once again we dont know how long you have been using so its up to you to decide to get clean or stay as you are using Opiates. Please for all here and in you life and most importantly yourself get clean . We are here and will help.

  • http://google Michelle

    I think that quiting cold turkey is the best way to stop using the taper off thing did not work for me because when I tried that and they were all gone i would look for them and use the tapper off thing as an excuse so please try the cold turkey thing the WD are bad but they soon pass.I wish the very best for you and hope that what ever method you use that it works.I’m also proud of us all were making it know one ever said it would be easy but nothing ever is know matter what it may be so keep trying I have faiyh in you and so does every one else.I will keep praying for all of us.We all are like family and were all here for each other and i think that is awesome.KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK EVERY ONE…………..

  • Bobby

    I have been taking vicodin for 9 months now. I have weaned myself down to just 1 a day…and the past 4 days I had only a half. I feel jittery and anxious. Is this all in my head? Or haveI become addicted on such a low dose? Any and all answers or advise would be of great help. Thank You

  • http://y M

    Bobby,
    Only you can admit your addiction. I dont know your health issues but anything over a short dose of opiates is too long for an acute injury. Chronic pain issues are way too complicated for me to discuss. I know I am addicted to opiates. If you are here there is a reason and we will help you make the first step. I did and although the severity will vary, Withdrawal’ s are uncomfortable but very do able. Read some earlier post and get our cocktail and rip off the Band-aid and start a new life. We will help and encourage you . I did my WD here and found nothing but good people and total trust. I have 29 days of being clean from opiates. Thanks to this family of mine and this forum. You can do it and the sooner the better for you, your family, and yourself.

  • http://google Michelle

    Bobby it is very possible that you have become addicted on such A small dose that is how i started out and it just progressed.You have made the first step in admitting that you do have a problem,if not you probably wouldn’t be here.Know one on this page is judgemental we have all been there and some of us still struggle with it i’ve been clean for 6months and I still come to this site almost every day I have made these people on here part of my family.Every one on here will be there if you need to vent.for the most part I feel like i have known these people my whole life (very good listeners).And it really helps to know that there is someone out there who will listen to all of your problems and not judge you.Seems to me that you have become addicted it is actually very easy to do it normally happens before you know it or should i say when it’s to late but believe me when i say it’s never to late to fix the problem.KNow one will tell you that it is easy actually every one will pribably agree when i tell you it’s one of the hardest things we have ever had to do but at the same time it can be done.You will find that the people on here are very good people as M said were all like family and now your in our family so just hang in there it will get better just whatever you do PLEASE do not take not even one more they are vicious.I know how hard that sounds I believe I can speak for every one on here when I say pills can be the love of your life but YOU have to make that change we will all be here to help you through.I will keep you in my prayers along with everyone else including my self.Good Luck i really hope every thing works out for you.A

  • Bobby

    Thanks for all of your support. I have been taking vicodin amd narco’s for the last 9 months. I usually never exceeded 3 pills a day and thought I would be able to control it. As it turns out my supply ran dry …and now I am suffering for my actions. The support here is of very very great help!

  • Bobby

    also…it has been close to 34 hrs. since my last pill. Just feeling shaky…and slightly dizzy. Any thoughts?

  • http://y M

    Bobby,
    Keep in tuoch by writing here.Do you have a friend? Just remember

  • http://y M

    Ill try again.
    Bobby, these days will be a little uncomfortable. If you are basically healthy. Get tylenol, ibuphrophen,immodium, and ambien. and the most important thing is to remember, YOU CAN DO THIS. the shakes and dizzy are just part of it . Try to sleep and rest till you get this part of it over. In a day or two you will ask yourself why didn I do this before today. We are proud of you and will give you as much help as we can. Bobby, your gonna be alright just hang in there an let this happen. We are with you and the lord is watching you get better and opiate free. You are doing just fine. Hang in there. Im going on 30 days. Before I was up to 20-30 blues and anything else on the set. Just hang in there to day and everyday will get better.

  • Bobby

    Thank You M….at this point YOU are my sole source of information and reliance. When my uncle passed away from cancer in May…he left behind a stash of over 500 pills. My cousin got a hold of them and thus gave some of them to me. At first I enjoyed the relaxing comfort they provided….but knew I was most likely traveling down a dangerous path. Now 9 months later…the pills are all gone…and I feel so jumpy and shaky. It’s tough to talk to anyone else about this…since it was taken from the family.

  • http://y M

    Boby,
    We all got a story. I got one, hes got one, shes got one, now you got one. Now the next chapter. Getting clean of opiates. The running out is your wake up call. I am sure no reasonable individual would get to our situation knowing what I know now about addiction.. I read you find it tough to talk to anyone else. Well Bobby, you are talking to someone and we are listening. As soon as you feel you can get up and walk around, move as much as you can. I dont know what your situation is, but you are much to far to stop now. Time seems slow so get on here and write what you feel and just what opiates are making you go through. I wish you the best and we are here waiting to her from you. YOU CAN DO THIS.

  • Bobby

    Day 2 …48 hrs clean. Sleep has been the least of my suffering. I took some tylenol pm. and slept a good 9 hrs. I must admit to everyone that although I DO have 48hrs. I spent most of my work day yesterday looking for pain meds…telling everyone I was in pain from snow shoveling. With the grace of God no one gave me anything….and the cravings are half of what they were yesterday. I am taking off work today to insure I will get another 24 hrs. under my belt …and become free of the addiction. That’s the worst part about it…you become a slave to the drug and it takes over everthing. All my thoughts were consumed with getting more yesterday….I think I would have paid anything for just 1 or 2. Now instead I took the advice here and got some tylenol,benadryl and advil. I am so thankful no one at work had a vicodin with them yesterday….or I would not be on this site with 48 hrs. and counting. Bless M FOR YOU BEING HERE!

  • http://google russ

    I am 13 days clean today from 25/30 a day 10/325 norco that lasted about a year & 3 months. Prior to this i was nearly 23 years sober from Xanax, 6 x 5m a day and cocaine and drinking. I started Hydrocone for legit reasons, 2 kidney stones and a double hernia operation all in one year, but it woke my addiction and here i am again 13 days sober! During this past year I lost my beloved dog (old age) my brother (hepatitis & lifelong methadone user) and my dad (old age). I also started smoking again and i know i used so i would not feel but made that bad decision anyway. Well i can say that since stopping (including smoking, i month) the feeling i avoided all came surging and crashing back, especially the first several days where the only time i could drag myself out of bed was because i had to run to the bathroom. i would burst out in tears and sob with huge despair. It felt like the worst case of the flu i had ever had but did start to get better around the 3rd or 4th day and i started exercising and stretching as well as i could and the hot baths with epsom salts really helped. Sleeping for me has been difficult but i knew patience would return my natural cycle and it only now has started to get better. i accept waking and rising at 3am my new morning time. Outside of the first couple of days of sweating then shivering it took my about eight days to return to my nearly normal body temp, i was cold most of the time. About 8 days in i felt i turned a corner and noticed marked improvement for longer periods of time and today outside of a really stiff neck and slight dizzy/ringing in ears i am feeling really good. I am glad for me that my experience was so difficult (as was my prior getting off xanax) because I never want to repeat that. I feel closer to what i choose as my sense of god and am praying again, it works for me and fills the void i created with a sense of warmth and joy. i know i can find the serenity i had for so many years as it is returning, albeit slowly. I only write this as I want to put back here as you all have been such a source of inspiration for me, especially the lonely and dark early morning hours when i would read your stories of strengths/weakness/temptations/help and often be moved to tears out of pure empathy. I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to post as it sure helped me get these days strung together, though i have a long long way to go. I also wanted to let anyone know that though the beginning days for me were extremely dark and painful, i would not have it any other way, as I never, never want or need to go back there!
    Thank you all and God Bless!!!

  • Bobby

    Feeling worse as the day goes on….I cant think straight…and time just seems to stand still.

  • http://google Michelle

    Russ,I know exactly how you feel I lost My bestfriend on Memorial weekend due to an over dose,then in October I lost one of my younger brothers which was 32yrs. old all due to drugs then exactly three months later I lost my grandmother and it has been pure hell.But I have to go on for my family I have two wonderful daughters and they deserve better than a mom that is an addict so thats when i made my decision to quit.I’m not saying it was easy because by far was it.So I know if I can do it any one can so just hang in there and it will get easier I promice and we will all be here for you if you need some one to talk to.I will keep you in my deepest prayers because I know what you are going through.Good luck to you and I know you can do it.

  • http://y M

    Bobby,
    You are way ahead of this now. Just keep telling yourself I dont need to use. Try to keep busy and if sleeping is no problem sleep all you can. Do something extra at work..Just to keep busy. The best is yet to come. Have you read Michelles posts she is the Matriarch of the clan. So let her help you as much as she can . I really felt close to her story while I was WD. I dont know what I would have done without her Michael and Patrick. Havent heard from the dudes lately and I wish them the best. Bobby your going to turn a corner soon and see what it means to be clean from opiates. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.

  • http://y M

    Russ,
    I hope you can find it in you to help us stay clean. I need all the help you can give me. Tragedy is part of our existence. and we all get to the table sooner or later. I know what its like to loose family and friends and wouldnt wish that on my worse enemy. Its just how we react and not let opiates lead our thoughts to self destruction. Im 30 days clean from 43 years of addiction to opiates.. When I hear of someone using after 17 yr. I start to question myself then I recall where I was going when I stopped. Now that was a wake up call. That is the reason I ask for your help we need for someone of experience to coach us through the process of staying clean.

  • Anonymous

    Greetings to everyone,
    Today marks 6 weeks for me. I have to say that I am feeling pretty good except for my some continuing pain in my body. I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for next week and I’m hoping that she can put me on something non-narcotic until I have the money to see a pain management doctor. I am hoping that we will be able to find a combination maybe of muscle relaxers at night and something for pain during the day. While sitting or laying down my back is just somewhat irritated. However if I stand up for a period of time the pain then becomes excruciating.

    Bobby I understand and feel your pain. Every once in a while I feel the need to go through my medications looking for something stronger than Tylenol or Ibuprofen to kill the pain in my back. I would almost attribute this to skittsin in the meth world. I’m not sure why I feel the urge to do that every so often, but I do. With God by your side all things are possible. I would recommend if possible finding some books on addiction as well. I bought five books over two weeks ago and they help me focus on the story more than getting any more pills.

    Russ in a sense I completely understand where you are coming from. About 5 years ago I was addicted to Meth. I quit cold turkey by the grace of God and vowed to never use any drug again. This is where the complication lies with this drug and addiction. You are not looking to be addicted to anything else, but you are given this medicine for pain and boom there you end up a prisoner to a drug once again. Here’s the thing though, if we had the ability to beat a previous drug or alcohol addiction then there is a good possibility that we can pull back through it once again.

    For me I embraced the withdrawals and I pleaded with God to only let me experience them for a day. God was faithful in only allowing me to experience the worst of it for a day. There were still some small symptoms left after day one but they were bearable. I kind of see the dark withdrawals as a way of paying back the mistakes that I made. I did not know this would become an addiction, but I did know when it had become one and I refused to stop.

    M I am so happy to see how far you’ve come. Your right behind me in days and I know we will both succeed to win this battle.

    Michelle I too have two beautiful little girls. Fortunately they are too young to understand what has been going on. It was kind of sad because my daughter got so used to handing me my medicine bottle that even after I quit she asked me if I wanted to her to get my medicine. I know like you that we both feel they deserve the best and I know that we have the ability to give them that.

    I know you all can do this. God Bless!

  • Bethany

    Sorry I forgot to put my name in the previous post.

  • http://y M

    Good to hear from you again, please stay with us as we need to relate especially the new folks. I wish them the best. YOU CAN DO IT

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi every one sounds like you all are doing very good.I have faith in each and every one of you and i know that you can do this and you will feel so much better.Monday is my 17th. Anniversary all 2-gether we have been 2-gether 21yrs.we married 17yrs.ago on Valentines day.Well this is my first anniversary sober in so many yrs.I can’t even begin to tell you how long.I am so looking forward to our weekend I know it will be great because I will actually remember what we done and shared unlike the past yrs.I’m so HAPPY I don’t know what to do.I hope for the rest of you that you will be happy again real soon.I know that if you continue being sober it will be you in the near future I pray for each of you every day.I’ve been praying for Michael and Patrick where are you guys i truly hope that you are ok.Please post and let us know how you are doing we all on here care and want the best for you both.Bethany I’m very proud of you ,you seem to be doing great KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK…I HAVE ALOT OF FAITH IN YOU AND I KNOW THAT YOU’LL DO GREAT IN YOUR FUTURE.CONGRATS ON YOUR 6WEEKS THAT IS AWESOME.Russ 25TO30 A day is A whole lot so i really hope that you over come this addiction i’ll be thinking of you and PRAYING for you,you will be fine if you set your mind to do the right thing.I know that you want to or you wouldn’t have made the first move and that was A awesome choice.YOU ARE GONNA BE FINE……

  • Jerrell

    Hello to all, today is day 45 for me free from the hydro. I am so thankful to everyone here for all the support, encouragement and advise. The first few weeks were really rough but I am doing better every day. I have started tapering off my benzo which will be another victory for me. Xanax, works well for the anxiety but it is a monster to quit. I am finally down to 1.5 a day now. I will say they did help while in the early stages of withdrawal from hydro but since I was already taking them I didn’t feel comfortable tapering them until the last few weeks. I feel like most of last year, the period I was using hydro is much of a blur..Does anyone else have these type feelings, thoughts? I sure hope that the benzo has not caused problems. I am so thankful to be free from the hydro, if anyone thinks you can’t stop, then that is probably what you should do is stop. I do hope eveyone is doing well and let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Just remember you can stop and you will be ok actually you will be better when you do.

  • Bobby

    Made it past the 3 day mark…WOW…What a differance! All day yesterday I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin.. or worse have a seizure. But I weathered the storm and feel 10 times better today. I thought that by tapering down the last few weeks the withdrawals wouldn’t be so bad. But yesterday…I was in a full heart racing panic! Thank God for this site and M for seeing me thru it all!

  • http://y M

    Bobby Good Morning,
    Your at a good place now you know you can do it.(And Survive) Please get rid of all temptations cause you sure as the devil dont want to do that again! Bobby, you are in a good place now, but remember help is just a meeting or email away. If you anticipate needing help get it now! I understand about the thought patterns of drug users, and found the way to stay out in front of this I needed to be one step ahead of my addiction. Please stay clean we need you in our world clean and free of opiates. I await till you say I cant remember how many days it has been so let me count for you the days I have being clean of opiates. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

  • http://y M

    Jerrell,
    You ask is there any thing I can do !!!Yes maam stay with us and help us get clean. Michelle and Bethany , you and Bobby and I are out here struggling with our self made hell. We can take it, its just easier when someone who has experienced what we have is able to give us counsel. So please help us with our choice to be clean of opiates. And stay the friend I have come to need and appreciate. I would like to hear from Michael and Patrick and do wish them the best.

  • Jerrell

    Hello to all, I just wanted to stop in and check on everyone. The first week is really the toughest for all who decide to quit. Beyond that it is better every day once you have stopped and moved past the chemical depression. That is the one thing that has become very much a reality for me, every day is better. To everyone please keep this in your mind, every day gets BETTER.
    I still have back pain but have found that when I stop thinking about it so much it seems to be better. I am dropping to 1mg on my benzo tomorrow. I will be proud to finally say, I only take 1 pill a day for blood pressure.
    Hope everyone has a great weekend!

  • dee

    Well I’ve been reading all the posts here. Especially the ones who listed their wds as they were happening. And I have to tell evryone, I’ve been taking about 7 to 7 and a half 10mg lorcet daily for about 9 to ten months (this time)I’m 32 and I’ve kicked before (after using for 7 years)and relaped last year. Ugh stupid stupid me to start taking them again.so I thought I might sort of list my wds as they are happening as well not only to help me vent, but to also help anyone out there who is scared like me.I’m so inspired by all of you strong people! God wants me to be here I just feel that’s why I found this site! So I took my last dose of my 7 daily on friday last dose was at about 10 pm that nite.I had one left and took it at noon saturday and honestly I feel like I’ve been having wd all day despite that one. So for all purposes I’m saying that I’m at 24 hrs since that one didn’t really stop any dts hell I didnt even feel it! But maybe I should count from that last one and call it 12 hrs since last? I dnt know. But anyway.. I’m yawning, runny nose, body aches, chills, bit restless, irritable, few muscle jitters? Whatever that is where you feel like you have to tighten all your muscles then realease them to make that feeling stop. Weird huh? I do have some xanax and I’ve read it helps some so ill be taking that to help along with motrin for body aches. I mean I don’t even have energy to get up and take a bath! Just wanna lay here and watch the tv. When will it get better? I hope soon. My eyes seem sore and a bit dizzy sort of breathless a bit at times too. But I can do this! So whether its 24 hrs or 12(yall let me know if that one counted) this is my diary on the start of withdrawal. Not killing me, but flu like and all I listed above. I’m thinking by monday or tuesday the worst should be over? Is that correct? I hope so! I’m ready to feel better. Not be a slave to lorcet. To be able to live without wondering do I have enuf meds to do that activity etc. Its crazy! I’ve just taken my 1mg xanax and two motrin and going to try to relax and get sleepy enuf to go to bed. Hope everyone is well out there. Respectfully yours, dee

  • http://yahoo M

    Dee,
    You are on the way to being clean of opiates. I am glad I looked at the forum. Sounds like you know the drill so we are here to listen and help anyway we can. I had good luck with ambien, for sleep and stopped with little discomfort.I did take immodium for stomach issues. Please stay on course and get clean of opiates. We wait to help and share your experience. the best is yet to come.

  • dee

    Thanks M, I checked back in today to let everyone know how I was coming along. I did sleep pretty good last nite. Went to sleep bout 1 am and slept til bout 10 am today. Few tosses and turns but overall not bad sleep. I’m thankful for that. I guess this is my 24 to 36 hour mark(again I had that one at noon saturday that didn’t do crap I still had wd symptoms urghh) so to be fair its either 24 hours or 36 hours clean at this point. I’m yawning a lot, sneezing, feel sore all over, generally just kinda flu like but not bad bad.some stomach issues but no watery stuff yet yuck I know! I’m going to stay the course and hope to feel better and have these wds over soon.I’m hoping to feel myself again maybe by wednesday? I hope sooner! Anyway wishing all out there a great sunday. Ill keep checking in and updating on wds etc. This site has already been such a help to me. I hope my story helps someone else.

  • Bethany

    Dee,
    When I initially quit I was taking about 14 a day. I took my dose the night before with a half a one left the next day. I woke up in the middle of the night starting the withdrawals which to me was crazy considering I shouldn’t have started experiencing the withdrawals so soon. I took the half I had left and to be honest it did nothing like in your circumstance. I would consider your start of being absent from taking the medicine from the time you took your last regular dose. If you normally took more than that one at the time then yes you would be at 36 hours. To be honest the day won’t matter much the farther you get out. It’s just a good way to measure how much longer you will have to deal with the immediate withdrawals.

    On a side note I think I’m going to have a trip to the emergency room today. I have been having the worst ear pain and after seeing a doctor last week I have had no relief. I hate to spend all day up there, but I can take this pain in my ear. I do not plan on getting pain medicine I just need some relief from this whether its ear drops or what. I will update once I find out what’s going on.

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi every one i haven’t been on in a few days i don’t tend to get on here alot when my daughters are at home.A little ashamed that I still have issues with this.Monday(Valentines Day)is my anniversary 20yrs.and i can’t remember my last sober anniversary that is really sad looking back on it now.But alls i can do is go forward and try to make better memories because where I stand right now I don’t have any memories at all I know from the past 10yrs any way.I am looking forward to making this an awesome anniversary.M i do agree we have made life HELL for our selves so now it’s time for us to fix the problem and thats what were all going to do.Dee,I do hope every thing gets better for you real soon.Day 5 usually start to notice things getting kinda normal for whatever that is.Bethany I’m really proud of you I’m so glad that you are still with us.Jerrell,I am very proud of you also and also think the worst part is the chemical depression that sux.I’m happy that you are doing so well.I would really like to hear from Michael and Patrick i will continue praying for every one and I wish each and every one of us the best.We do deserve the best that life has to offer so lets start receiving it ok……we owe it to our selves and every one around us and we will do it.

  • dee

    Thanks bethany and michelle. Yeah I agree with you bethany that I was just wanting to know around how far into wds I am. I’m at about hour 45 r so and had few loose bathroom trips gross but I took two imodium and sum motrin. Feel a little better. Still chills, sore body, no energy really, but main thing is the mind obsession right now. Trying to remind myself its not worth it. I’m a strong woman and I can do this! I’m hoping to feel even better tomorrow and it gets better as each day passes.I’m also feeling proud of myself for coming this far. You all are such a great help! I’m so glad I found this site. Will continue to log my progress maybe my story will help someone else out there! Oh also congrats michelle on your anniversary!

  • Anonymous

    Michelle- I agree with Dee Happy Anniversary. I also agree that you have to look forward at your life. We do need to look back and think about the things we did, but it should be done in a state of reflection and momentary remorse. This should only be remorse where if you believe in God you ask for his forgiveness and then immediately forgive yourself. I’m sure it’s apparent by now that I am a Christian and I think if we continue to beat ourselves up over something that God has forgiven us for then maybe we are in a sense stating that we are more important than God. This just came to my mind and I have no intention of hurting anyone’s feeling just wanted to share.

    Jerrell- Congrats on both getting off the hydro’s and pretty close to being off the benzo’s too. I think that’s a pretty big accomplishment in itself and I definitely encourage you to continue. I’ve never had any problems with benzo’s myself, but according to what I’ve read the withdrawals for those are worse than the hydro’s. I definitely think tapering those is a smart decision.

    Looking back at all the post’s it is a bit sad to see all the names disappear after a period of time. Recovery from anything has low statistic rates, but the way I look at it is that God determines my future and therefore can beat any statistic’s out there. This is where I encourage Michelle, M and everyone else. I know that there was concern with M over it being upsetting that after 17 years someone relapsed with being sober. The thing is that we each have a different challenge laid before us and regardless of the relapse they are once again taking on the fight instead of just giving in. That shows courage and perseverance. By the way I wonder how Russ, Bobby, Patrick and Michael are doing.

    On a completely different note I did want to share a couple more things. I know my posts are always long. (Sorry about that) Well I did go to the emergency room today and I have an ear infection in both ears. I was given an oral antibiotic, ear drop antibiotics and tramadol for pain. I can say in all honesty I would like a narcotic pain pill at this point to kill the pain because the tramadol is barely even touching it, but I know that it would not be a good idea. So I will just push through the pain unless anyone has any recommendations.

    The last thing is that ironically enough I have been attending school to be a counselor. After my meth addiction I knew God called me to work with patients that have had or are experiencing drug problems. As I was studying I began to question how I could ever work in this type of situation while I too was influenced by hydro’s. (I guess I just convinced myself that it would be possible) Now it’s so amazing how much more passionate I am about this. I have a deep desire to learn about addictions and mainly now pill addictions. I guess this is a plus considering we are considered generation Rx. I have found out some interesting information that I will share later as I’m sure I’ve bored most of you by now. Anyway I appreciate everyone’s honesty and I pray that each of you will continue to fight this fight and I know you can do it. God Bless.

  • Bethany

    Ok I seriously need to quit having blonde moments. I once again forgot to put my name in the previous post. Sorry about that.

  • Bethany

    Dee,
    Day one was probably the worst for me as my body continuously jerked and my legs hurt. I think through day 3 I still had the sneezing and what seemed like a piece of something stuck in my throat. I couldn’t attest to the bathroom trips as I continuously used the Imodium like clock work to avoid any of that. Someone recommended drinking a lot of water which I did not do. I am a Dr. Pepper addict and could not bare the thought of giving that up. Anyway after I went through the withdrawals it made sense to drink a lot of water. A bit too late afterwards, but now I wish I had. The more water you drink the more you flush out your system of chemicals. The sooner they get out the sooner you end the withdrawals. I would not recommend drowning yourself by drinking too much, but I think it may help. My ex-boyfriend actually graduated from outpatient treatment while he continued to do drugs because he would flush out his system before going to the treatment center. This doesn’t work anymore due to the drug test’s being tested for too much water, but it should be able to flush out the hyrdro’s from your system thus limiting the time for your withdrawals. As mentioned before we are all different so the timeframe and withdrawal symptoms will be different, but hopefully this helps.

  • http://yahoo M

    Happy Valentines day to all.
    Its a beautiful sunny day on the GulfCoast. I hope all are doing good. Happy anniversary to Michelle and her family. This forum is so important to us. Please take care of ourselves an keep helping people who are just beginning a new life of being free from opiates.
    Dee,
    Dont look back you are getting to a good place just hang in there and let this happen your body will try to adjust . If you are basically healthy in a day or two you will really see and feel the difference.
    Bobby,
    Hows it going ? I wish you would give us an updatde. Just hang in there and keep us posted. If you need to go back and look at past posts to see what we have done to get Free From Opiates and you will know YOU CAN DO IT!! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR BEING HERE TO HELP ME.

  • Michael

    Hey all, been gone a little while. I fell into a pretty strong wave of depression throughout the last week, and am wrapping it up now — still have some lingering anxiety. The thought of doing something as simple as getting on here and reading some posts was incredibly overwhelming to me.

    I have PAWS – which is “Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.” It’s really damn annoying because I think I’m getting in a really good place and then BAM! A wave of depression! It sucks, but I didn’t stumble at all this past week. I did lie in bed one day, and feel like crap for most of the week, but I didn’t take or look for a hydro. Hell, when I get to feeling that way, I won’t even drink a beer. I’m too terrified of doing something to make it feel worse or last longer.

    So I’m 3.5 months clean now. No symptoms aside from this PAWS, which I’m told the waves (which come almost exactly every 28 days — ever heard of a dude with PMS? Haha!) will fade out after about 6 months.

    Anyway, I’ve done some quick skimming since my last post. Bobby, I hope you’re doing well. You hang in there, and I promise you can get over it. What doesn’t kill you (and this won’t) makes you stronger!

  • http://google Michelle

    Happy valentines to every one on here !!!I’m feeling very good today.Thank god for some reason i was kinda worried about it.I guess because we always celebrate and that always included hydros for me.And i can honestly say that i haven’t even thought of it to much today.My husband and myself have just really enjoyed each other today.It has really been a wonderful day my husband and my two daughters are amazing.I’m very glad to see every one on here is doing so well that’s great.Nice to hear from you michael glad that you are doing well.Most of you on here probably don’t know me.Normally i’m a real strong person but honestly this has been a pain in my ass.I just pushing knowing that it’s got to get better.And it has gotten a whole lot better and i feel so much better.But i have my bad days to and it usually is depression.I’m just determined that it’s got to completely go away one day.It has just got to be a thing of the past because i refuse to let it come back into my life ever again.I really hope that you all keep doing so well.Every one is doing great……..

  • http://google Michelle

    Happy valentines to every one on here !!!I’m feeling very good today.Thank god for some reason i was kinda worried about it.I guess because we always celebrate and that always included hydros for me.And i can honestly say that i haven’t even thought of it to much today.My husband and myself have just really enjoyed each other today.It has really been a wonderful day my husband and my two daughters are amazing.I’m very glad to see every one on here is doing so well that’s great.Nice to hear from you michael glad that you are doing well.Most of you on here probably don’t know me.Normally i’m a real strong person but honestly this has been a pain in my ass.I just keep pushing knowing that it’s got to get better.And it has gotten a whole lot better and i feel so much better.But i have my bad days to and it usually is depression.I’m just determined that it’s got to completely go away one day.It has just got to be a thing of the past because i refuse to let it come back into my life ever again.I really hope that you all keep doing so well.Every one is doing great……..

  • http://yahoo M

    Michael,
    Good to hear from you. Glad you are doing good. PAWS sounds like a professional diagnosis is it and is it a depression we all should be expecting? Like you said “no-one said it would be easy” Please stay in touch.

  • http://google Michelle

    M,you sure said that right.It is by far one of the hardest things in my life that I have ever had to do.it does get a little easier as time goes by.i have trouble with the mind games sometimes that it plays with me.I hope that every one of you have A bright wonderful day.

  • Michael

    Hey M,

    Yeah, it’s a professional diagnosis — not something you can really read on WebMD and say, “I’ve got that!” It comes as confirmation from my doctor. The thing about PAWS is, apparently, not everyone gets it. In fact, only a minority of people do. I don’t know all that goes into it, but there’s probably a pre-disposition to depression that I have anyway. What it is is that now that my body is recovered from the addiction, my brain has to heal itself — to physically reconstruct pathways that changed during my addiction.

    Mine is complicated because I also took clonazepam for several years (as directed), and quit exactly a month after I quit hydro. Anything that alters brain chemistry can potentially physically restructure things such that they need to work themselves back out after the substances are gone. And that takes time.

    Not everyone gets that, to be sure. And not everyone who DOES get it shows depression. You’ll know when / if it hits you. But if it does, know that it’s just a process that will take time. The depression doesn’t stay around — it comes in waves. Just gotta ride the shitty waves, and let the seas calm down.

    I was told to expect it for about 6 months. Some people take longer, some not so long. Also, let me just say that these waves are nothing like the depression that hits immediately upon / after withdrawal. THAT depression is more dark and hopeless than anything I ever experienced. These PAWS depression waves are manageable compared to that.

    But I can’t stress enough that if you start to feel depressed, please see a doctor and also ask for a good recommendation on a therapist. Depression is itself a horrible condition, and can really take over. Coupled with a past addiction makes for a very good chance of relapse. It is, in fact, why most people who relapsed returned to their habit.

    God bless everyone here. It’s a hard road, but each and every one of us can walk it.

  • Bobby

    Hi everyone!
    Sorry I have not posted in a few days…just trying to work through the fog. I do have anxiety and depression…and the thought of “something” or “anything” to relieve the pain plays with my mind. I know this wont be easy to do,but I am willing to suffer for the benifits that welcome me in the end. Thanks again to M and everyone who asked about my well-being. I took my last Hydro 1 week ago….and am still wondering around in a fog of withdrawal That I thought would be over with by now. Still riding it out !
    Bless everyone here!

  • http://google Michelle

    Just wanted to update a min. I’m feeling very well.And I hope the rest of you are doing the same.I will keep you in my PRAYERS and my self.We all can do it…I KNOW WE CAN DO IT….Just every one hang in there and be strong I know you can do it.

  • Michael

    Bobby,

    The “fog” will lift for you soon, and you’ll know it when it does. It took about 2.5 weeks for me, so don’t feel like you’re abnormal at this point. You’re doing really well, and just need to keep riding it out. You’ll start feeling better even before the fog lifts — so look forward to that.

  • http://yahoo M

    Bobby,
    Heres your atta-boy, ATTA-BOY, Now it will get really good for you. Those body tingles are some of the best rushes Ive ever experienced and just think you been missing this for the length of your addiction. Time will heal all, just a sayig…well it is the truth. If you are basically healthy you will be feeling good and then better as each day passes. Now that Michael , Michelle and Bethany are onboard and writing to you and everyone again It will be easier to understand what our family is about. Today I was washing the Road King, getting ready for Mardi Gras, with a bud and he said over and over what is with you??? Well, I said Im getting clean from OPiates and he said ,”Thank God” I asked if he knew I was a pillhead and it finally came out that everyone knew and people pitied me for being addicted to opiates…Now I had no Idea and this was a real shock. I actually believed I had hidden my addiction from the general public…You never know it all…I asked him how long he had known and he said Im just like everyone else. We knew your history with the explosions and the scooter deals and figured thats the way you were and wanted to be…..I am shocked but it goes to show you cant BS a BS’ER. Ill live, just with my hat in my hand and a lot more Humble. Remember If I can do it YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Please get clean from opiates.

  • K

    I don’t really think I have a addiction but my uncle thinks I do. I’ve been taking Hydrocodone for 3 1/2 years(since I was 15) for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and IBS. I have type 4 of EDS and that means heart problems. I’ve had 5 surgeries on my heart for rips in my valves. I only take Hydrocodone a lot right after the surgeries and then I go back to only taking 1 7.5 a night because I can’t sleep without it. I am depressed but I think that’s more from the fact that I’m suck at home or the hospital all the time. My Uncle just keeps telling me that I’m addicted and I can’t live without it. He’s right I can’t live without it but I’ve got chronic pain. My joints pop in and out of place all the time and not to mention I’m still healing from all my surgeries (people with EDS don’t heal well).

  • John

    Been over 24 hours since I last took any hydro… I am looking forward to getting my life back without this horrible addictive medicine. Been on it for over a year and found that I was just taking it because and that there really wasn’t a reason to take it. Naproxen actually kills my pain the hydro just made me lazy and addicted. I lost my brother to drugs and I will not go down the same path he did.

  • Michael

    K,

    I think I read somewhere that there are two kinds of addiction — intentional and accidental. Intentional is where you take drugs to get high, and end up hooked. Accidental addiction occurs over the normal course of treatment. A lot of people here started out as both.

    Either way, addiction is addiction, and it can have consequences. If you feel like you can live a relatively normal life without the hydro, and really take it only as needed for bad pain (not every night to help you sleep), then try it. If you have withdrawals when stopping, we’re here to help support you, and I’m sure your doctor(s) will help out too. I started hydro for legit pain, then to help me sleep at night too. Then to feel good during the day… and thus the addiction spread.

    In the end, it’s up to you. Listen to your body and pay attention to it. Depression is a pretty classic hallmark of opiate use, too. Ask your doc, and express these concerns for a better understanding. Good luck to you, my friend.

    John,

    The hardest step has been made — you’ve admitted you’ve got a problem, and have acted on it. Hold on to that resolution through the tough times ahead. The next few days might be very hard. But when the tides turn, you WILL feel so much better.

    Expect a rough time of it for 3-5 days. After that, you might develop a depression which will linger for a few weeks. You’ll get past it — just stay strong!

    Remember, lots and lots of water. LOTS.

  • Bethany

    K,
    I am not a medical professional and we are here to help those through getting off of hydrocodone, just as many of us have already done. However, there are times where people need to be on medicine. I am not recommending that you continue, but I am not recommending that you get off the medicine either. I did some research on Type 4 EDS and your main area of concern needs to be your health. Unfortunately you were blessed with a disease that is heartbreaking, frustrating, depressing and seems like there is no way out. We all feel this way in some sense, such as the back problems and CFS that I deal with. The thing about this medicine is that it is out there for a reason. When you are having surgery after surgery fighting for your life, then I don’t think anyone of us would dare pass judgment on that. For instance someone with Cancer is fighting for their life and should not be concerned with the aspect of addiction until they have recovered. The only thing I would ask of you is to see if you really think a problem exists. If you are truly taking the medicine mainly after a surgery, then I don’t think that’s a problem. If you are very limited on what you take when the surgery is over and you are able to manage that, then I don’t think that’s a problem. The problem lies when you are taking more than prescribed or taking some that has not been prescribed to you. As I said I’m not a medical professional, but my primary concern for you would be your survival and dealing with your depression. Whatever you choose we are here for you no matter what. I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Bethany

    John,
    If you have found that the Naproxen works great then I am in agreement with you on quitting. I’m not really sure how many you were taking, but were all here to help. I have always suffered from insomnia coupled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so my sleeping habits are all out of whack. So if you need someone to talk to in the middle of the night try posting and I will see if I can respond. You will certainly make it through this and you have your motivation to do so. Just hold on tight to that through the withdrawals and you will make it.

  • John

    Went for a walk/run today I really felt good. Now, just sitting here watching the shawshank redemption. What a great movie…. Approaching 48 hours and I’m not looking back. Thanks everyone!

  • John

    Keep getting tingles in my legs really restless right now.

  • Bethany

    John,
    When my legs did that I tried putting biofreeze on them and it seemed to help. I’m not sure if you have access to that or not, but maybe some icy hot might work well too. Possibly even a heating pad. Hopefully this helps. I’m so glad to hear that you are doing good.

  • Ted

    I don’t know if anyone still reads this but It has helped me. I am a 27 year old male full time student and I work full time. My grades had a huge turn because I could focus better. I started to take Hydrocodone about July of 2010. I have had back pain since a car accident that happened in 1997. I have taken pills off and on since but never really had it take hold of me. I would finish a prescription and move on with life. Sometimes my back ache is too much and I get treated for it. Chiropractor/Physical therapist. Never nothing too serious. I met someone that was getting Oxycodone and Hydrocodone and I started buying them. I quickly built a tolerance to the big thirty milligram ones. I was crushing them and snorting them. I then got up to a dose that was ridiculous about 150 milligrams a day. I started to notice that I could not go a complete day with out taking them. I continued this habit for the last 5 months. I read this form and decided I really had a huge problem. I just decided to quit cold turkey. It has been three days and clean not a single pill. I did not know how it was going to go but I had to try. The first two days was complete hell. No lie I so wanted to call and just pick up, but my will power said there is no way to live a life like that. It has been killing me on money too. I had the following symptoms the shakes, sweaty, light headed ness, weakness (like body aches) uneasy stomach and the worst headache you could ever imagine. I had not ate anything in the first two days my stomach was having a problem with water too. It has not been easy but if I can do it anyone can stay strong and the good will come back to you. I will continue on with life and not pick up again it is not worth it to me. I will get physical therapy if needed. I ate for the first time today and kept it down. I think I am on the last stretch of the physical body effects at least I hope I am. I also think I have a cold too on top of the withdraws but enough said thank you all very much for your input it has truly effected my life and I am done. I will keep all of you in my prayers as well god bless and wish me luck with the rest of my recovery. Dated: February 17, 2011

  • Ted

    I am also having the Hardest time sleeping it has been foggy the last two days. At the most 2 hours of sleep it is ridiculous but this has to be the end at least I hope it is.

  • Ted

    I just forced myself to eat it has been about 10 hours since I have. I am just thinking it is the best thing to do to keep nutrition up in my body my whole body feels restless. I hate this

  • Pete

    Hi all I’m on day 4 1/2 been using for 3 years for severe back pain
    Feeling real tired I have not slept at all in the past days I’m trying
    Real hard not take any pills as I don’t want to have to start this all over
    again I’m glad I found this site on day 4 1/2 as I see that I’m not alone
    and I can see other progress thank you

  • http://yahoo M

    Ted and Pete,
    Good to have you aboard, I wish both of you the best. The next couple of days will be uncomfortable. We made the choice to become addicted and now we make the choice to be clean. Read previous posts to get the cocktail. and be ready to take the next step to being clean from opiates. You will find you can trust all here with the process of WD we have done it ourselves. We look forward to hearing and helping and time and and day. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

  • Michael

    Bethany,

    Well said about the medical necessity of some of these meds. It’s well-worth reiterating that we’re not doctors here, just a support group for people trying to quit. Nor are we going to pass any judgment on anyone for whatever they decide to do.

    In that vein, I’m seeing a therapist now, and it’s really helping a lot. I had an underlying depression that was causing me to self-medicate, and treating that depression is starting to take away my cravings and desires to use. I’ve been recommended to go to NA (narcotics anonymous), but I don’t know that I’m quite ready for that yet.

    Currently, I’m 3.5 months clean, minus one mishap with taking 2 pills a month ago.

    Ted and Pete,

    This is a pretty active comment section, so you’ll see replies come in pretty regularly. This soon after your last dose, your body is forcing the chemicals out, which means you will feel like shit for a few days. Diarrhea, vomiting, sweating — that’ll be your body forcing it out. Restless legs, tremors, shakes, insomnia — this is your brain adjusting to life without opiates. This part is going to last 3-5 days, maybe up to a week. The best advice I can give is to drink LOTS and LOTS of water. I never took anything to help with the stomach cramps because I just wanted to get it out, but I had to keep plenty of fluids in me. Also, exercise! Walk, run, jog, weights — anything to increase your metabolism to flush your system, plus getting a little squirt of natural dopamine helps!

    Keep strong — it’s hard, but once you get past these next few days, the worst of the physical will be behind you. We can talk about the next stage when the time comes.

  • John

    Had a hard time sleeping last night but when I woke up this morning I realized that watching that movie last night made me realize that you can do anything you put your mind to. Whether it’s kicking addiction or tunneling thru probably 20-30 feet of concrete like in the movie(shawshank redemption) you CAN make a choice. There are going to be rough times for all of us. But we can make the right choice for our bodies and our families. That crap is slowly killing us by destroying us from the inside/out.

    Ted, your story sounds like my brothers and you WILL die from this if you don’t stop. To me, that’s all the moviation that I need. I lost my brother to drugs and it wasn’t pretty for his family to find him dead. I’m probably getting too personal on here but I hope to scare you into quiting and not thinking about it DO IT!!! I think I am over the “hump” now……

    Hang tough everyone!!! DO IT!!!

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    K,I really don’t know you that well but listen dear if that’s all you are taking is a little 7.5 before bed I think that is by far an addict.I was or am an addict,let me rephrase that a recovering addict.But,when I was using there was know way in hell I would ever stop at one 7.5 or one 10 for that matter i used a lot.But I can tell you that it will progress til you need more I started out just taking a half of a ten before I realized what I was doing i was taking them by the hands full.But I do believe that some people do need them for chronic pain and there is a difference.If you do take them when you only need them I really see no harm but you do need to be very careful because they will and can get a hold on you really fast.But I also think that some where deep inside of you,you know if your addicted or not and yes it some times takes people bringing it to your attention before you realize that you are hooked.I know it hurts your feelings when people say things to you but some times it is for the best.Believe me when I tell you every one on this site knows where you are coming from.Maybe you should sit down take a good long hard look at your life and figure out where your at your self.Because if not it’s not gonna help you until we can admit our own problem it does know one any good to say any thing to you about it.I know we all on here wish the best for you and it does seem like you have some horrible medical issues so maybe this is something you should discuss with your Dr.I will PRAY my heart out for you but until you find out if you truly do have a problem know one can help you the first step is to admit to your self that you have A problem if you do.Michael,I’m so very proud of you I was reading your post maybe I have some kinda depression that keeps me wanting to crave the pill.i know that i don’t want any more of them but my cravings happen almost every day this has got to stop.I’m clean but my mind still is not if that makes any since to you.And that’s one thing I don’t know how to cure maybe therapy would help me i don’t know I know that I have been through so much this year i don’t think I can possibly take any more with loosing my Best friend in may,then my Brother in October,then my grandmother in January it has been way to much for me to cope with.I miss my brother so much and there isn’t a day that goes by that he’s not in my thoughts.I just keep hoping that one day I can get over all of this I know I’ll never forget any of it but when will I be able to except it all how long can it possibly take.But to every one on this site I thank you all for being here for me to talk to honestly I don’t think i could have made it without you.So thanks to all of you and I hope I’m always here to return the favor.Hope that you all do great and so far looks like all of you are doing good even though it’s the longest hardest highway I’ve ever been on but it will get better I know it will.If you can tell I’m very depressed today so i think I’m gonna get off of here for now all are in my prayers remember god will never let us down.

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    I do think you’ve been through a lot of stresses in the past year that could easily trigger depression. Only you know if seeing a counselor or therapist would help you, but I DO know that it certainly can’t hurt. :)

    Regarding those cravings, I’ve heard that they do go away. What I’ve heard from people so far is in the range of 9 months to 3 years. I don’t know what goes into those numbers — just that I’ve spoken to recovered addicts and that’s the range I’ve come up with. Some people may take less time, some people may take more.

    Also, to further your point to K about taking some kind of wake-up call sometimes to know you’re addicted, I had no idea I was addicted until I ran out of my script. I was fully planning on refilling it a few days later. When I was suffering the horrible withdrawals, I realized how much of a hold it had on me, and even then it took me a few weeks to admit that I HAD been addicted. So sometimes you don’t know you’re addicted until you distance yourself from the addiction a little bit. Just a little bit of advice to anyone who may be wondering if they have a problem or not.

  • http://yahoo M

    This is great! Look at all the people here getting clean from opiates.
    Michael,
    I knew I was addicted the first time I got hooked up with Demerol iv drip.. 1968, weed,acid,smack, pcp, stp, snorting bactine,sniffing gas n glue, nothing came close to the rush of pharm opiates. I can remember a bud of mine came to see me in The Public Health Hospital in New Orleans and asked how I was doing, “I told him the rack could catch fire and I wouldn’t budge…” His reply was man whatever you doing you got to quit and get up out the bed…” I didnt see him till years later, he didnt ask how career nor family,or how my health was He asked ” did you ever get off that shit you were taking…..when you were in New Orleans? Of course I lied and said yes that stuff was killing me…the point of this is I knew and was powerless….I lied to mself, my family, my superiors,my priest, EVERYBODY!!
    Now to close.
    K,
    WE are supporting you and know you got issues with your health but baby If you are here YOU KNOW something is not right, so quit trying to untie some secret knot. STOP taking the Med you are taking at bedtime. I have found so many way of getting to sleep. IN PAIN!!! so dont think you can wave a magic wand and pass out..Get your mind right…Talk to somone and be truthful to yourself and truthful to your friend. I dont know what its like for you, but as I was told as a kid,” Think of all those who have got it worse than you do…” YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

  • http://yahoo M

    P.S.
    Thank you to all on this forum I am glad you all are here and please help me overcome my addiction to opiates.
    WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!

  • Pete

    Im on day 5 1/2 finally got some sleep last night I needed a little help with diazepam I was going to use anything but it’s been many days since I’ve slept and I needed some help got about 5 hours, going threw this has been very hard like another poster wrote everything seems to be a chore I’m exp almost all of the symptoms from this withdrawal and just want it to end but I know it took along time to get here so either I hang in there. I don’t want to have to go threw this again, I’m also dealing with server back pain which was the reason I got to this point in the first place I started on 6 hydros 7.5 five years ago but in the past three years worked my way up to over twelve 10s a day or more starting in the am, what I’ve been doin is just resting drinking plenty of water, I told my wife the truth the other day she thought I had the flu Because that’s what I told her I was ashamed that this could happen to me I’ve always been the guy to come to now I was just a drugged up mess she put her arms around me and held me saying we will go threw this together, it’s a big help not going threw this alone. I’m almost on six days and feeling better eveything is still a chore but I’m feeling much better then the past few days … This hasn’t been easy but if I can do this I hope everyone on here can it’s one of the hardest things ive ever done but it’s either this or a coffin, to all the posters on here please hang in thereof u have a slip it’s not the end hang in there it will get better you have to work on it and it’ is work my thoughts and prayers are with you all there is light at the end of this dark tunnel

  • http://GOOGLE MICHELLE

    I hope all has A wonderful stress free weekend…My prayers go out to every one.I’m feeling pretty good today.Wish everyday was this good.I keep looking forward to all of my days being this good…Good luck to all were in this together.And I know we can do this,none of us said it would be easy but we are strong enough to do it.Just think if your strong enough to admit our problems then surely were strong enough to over come them.I am six months clean and very much looking forward to the one year mark.

  • http://yahoo M

    Pete,
    Now you know the light is not a train..I believe the most important part of this journey to being clean of opiates is to be honest. By telling your mate is one of the biggest steps you could have taken..I dont know what your relationship is but now you can build on your relationship with a new light(not at the end of tunnel, but comming over the horizion. Please hang in there and get a chance to see how you can be without opiates. In a short time things will not be so complicated. I always try to remember an old Indian saying. “Dont sweat the small shit, and its all small.”
    We will be here waiting to celebrate with you and yours. Good luck and safe passage into a new life free from opiates. Plenty of us are suffering from various pain. Some worse than others. It is your responsibility to take care of your body. The docs will enable you so if you can be honest with yours and get something non addictive…..non opiated are my choice..I hate to preach..Im just excited for you and dont want any thing impair you choices. WE WILL BE HERE AND YOU CAN DO THIS!!

  • http://yahoo M

    John,
    I just read your post and that was a powerful way to express the trip to the other side of opiates addiction.How are you doing? Please help us get on the right path and stay there. I hope we all have a safe passage. We all can do this so HANG IN THERE.

  • Mike

    Just googled hydro addiction came up. I’m very confused as to wether or not I am addicted. To give you a little history, I was lifting weights in March of 2010 and ended up herniating a disk. I ended up having surgery about 3 weeks after my injury. I was taking percocet to deal with the pain from March until about the beginning of June. My pain was gone. The end of July, my pain came back. I did injections, PT and nothing worked. The only thing that worked was taking percocet. Around October, i was taking 10mg perc 3 times a day. This is were it gets kinda crazy. I work 24 hours every other day and after my fifth day of working, I would have 6 days off. When I work, I do not take the pain pills. During my work shift, I was in pretty bad pain and the only way the meds would work is to double up on my days off. December of 2010, I was introduced to a pain doctor who did injections which helped for a couple of days. I didn’t take the meds if I didn’t have pain. I’d say the middle of December 2010 I had 5mg/500 hydro and I was taking 3 pills, 3 times a day to cope with the pain. I told my doc cuz I was concerned about the apap. He upped my dose to 10mg /325 apap. I did this for a couple of days and noticed the pain didn’t go away so I doubled that dose. It did help with the pain. Here’s where I felt the addiction came about. 2 weeks ago I was at work doing my 24 hour shift and around 5 pm, I broke down and became very emotional. I started searching addiction and I told my self I was addicted to pain killers. I had to go home so I contacted my boss and told him I was having a reaction to the meds. Well, that was probably the worst mistake of my life, telling him! I am now dealing with the employee assistance program, and a nurse that does biofeedback for pain. I was required by my employer to do a chemical dependency test. His results came back that I was opiate dependent and recommended a 24 day detox! He based his results off of 2 things, I had withdrawal symptoms on that saturday I had my mental breakdown along with the flu like symptoms and I took doubled the dose. I am now required to do a year of random drug testing which I had one done 2 days ago. The frustrating part is I still have neck pain and feel like I’m being punished for taking pain pills. Since that infamous saturday 2 weeks ago, I went from taking 6 hydro 10/325 a day to the next 4 days of taking one a day. I didn’t take any for 4 days then I had a very painful procedure done (rhizotomy) to my neck. The doctor says to take the pain meds cuz I am going to be in a lot of pain the next 3 days. I took 3 total on the day of my procedure and 1 earlier the next morning. It has been 3 days since I have had one and I feel depressed. My wife went to a party tonight and I just don’t feel like being around anyone. I need to snap out of this depression. Is it because of me being off of them for the last 3 days. I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms the last 3 days, just neck pain and a headache. Since my infamous saturday breakdown, would you say I have quit twice? This is the second time I’ve been with out the hydros for 3 days but this time like I said, no w/d symptoms. I have been taking ambien cr for the last 5 years due to shift work. Since this crap has happened at work, I feel guilty taking the ambien and am scared I am hooked on that! I don’t sleep at work but, I just toss and turn. So ever night that I am home which is about 20 nights a month, I do take the ambien. I take the ambien around 930 pm and go to bed around 1030 pm and like clock work, I wake up at 5 am, I wish I could sleep more because I feel tired all day. Please, could someone shed some light on my issue?

  • Mike

    Oh, one other thing. I took a hdyro wed morning at 400 am. and too the urine drug test on friday at 300 pm. I passed. Does that mean that the hydro is completely out of my system? I’ve read different things as far as hydro showing up in drug tests.

  • John

    M,

    Thanks for asking I am doing great.. My body appears to be getting back to normal. I still get a few tingles. But, in my mind I know the poison is gone and I will not go down the hydro road again. Like I said, the naproxen pretty much keeps my back pain in check. But, I am going to look into acupuncture and hopefully I can stop that crap also. Hope everyone has a blessed weekend and remember everyone on this forum can make the right choice.

  • Pete

    Thx M think it’s days 7 finally went outside for a few hours it was still a chore but I forced myself I had to take another diazepam to get a few hours of sleep, the sick feeling has passed and the restless leg syndrome seemed to have gone, just the tiredness and pain remain ibuprofen and heat patches help a bit still drinking fluids to wash the remaining poison from me took the bottle of hyro and discarded them I don’t want any temptation near by to get back in this he’ll hole again, from what I’ve read here the worst is over but I feel that a battle between my body and mind will continue, I’ve been putting off neck and lower back surgery for a long time because of the risk and also because the dr told me that it might not due anything pain killers and pain management might be my only option, been there done that only thing that worked were the hydros, but not at this cost my wife already has noticed a positive change in my personality and held me when she found me crying for no apparent reason, that totally freaked me out, I don’t want to ramble on but I think I’m almost there. For everyone going threw this keep it up like I said before if I can do this you all can its been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and will hopefully continue to do thanks for all yours posts and support

  • http://yahoo M

    John and Pete,
    Please note the post by Mike. Now the rest of the story….The guy is trying hard (Mike we are right there with you going through this with you) I know you can help him so here is our chance..By the way Im feeling a little vunerable today so please help he and I get through today.

  • http://google michelle

    Mike,I really hate to hear that happened with your job and all.but,you know people usually hit rock bottom before they realize they have any issue.I think that if you are thinking your addicted then you probably are.I also think that is one way of knowing because it is awfully mind controlling and if you have them on your mind that away then yes more than likely the case is your addicted.Always the first step is admitting that you have a problem.These things are so very addicted I also got hooked on them after a surgery about 9yrs.ago.Getting off of them is very hard probably one of the most hardest things you will ever do.But you can do it so just be strong and hang in there and be strong you will get through it.Be very careful with your job.That is the most important thing.Because,it will drag you down so bad,you will loose every thing if you keep going with them.But we all will be here for you to celebrate in the end I knbow you can be strong enough for it to be and end to this god horrible drug.Hold that head up high and don’t let any thing bring it down,you’ll be fine.

  • Pete

    Mike I don’t understand why your bosses would be breaking your chops if a dr rxed the hydros for you there is nothing illegal about you taking these meds, are you worried about the drug test or getting off these meds ? If you do please give it a try like I wrote in my post it was 6 days of hell and the battle has just begun, take one day at a time ibprophin has helped me deal with some of my back pain plenty of fluids hot bath and showers for aches and chills and try to eat something, the sleepless nights are the worst but in 5-6 days the worst is over good luck I’m new here but everyone here seems to care and only wants to help

  • Pete

    M hope u made it thought the day you’ve helped others here with your posts read what you wrote to help others hopefully your words can help yourself keep strong hang in there staying pain killer free is the way to be

  • http://yahoo M

    I needed that Pete, thanks. Im hanging tough, just up North of Mason Dixon and the weather is different chilly. Ill be ok just hoping all are good.

  • Pete

    I’m really glad to here that M i understand those feelings. I stopped drinking smoking and now pain killers and every now and then that vonarable feeling comes over you usually lasts for a short time you can beat it esp if u go out and do something to get your mind on something else well im im almost day 7 got 6 hours sleep last night the most ive had in days i think that if u need to get an rx or something over the countrr to help you sleep this is really important its sucks with all these symtoms you go threw then not being able to get a few hours of sleep make getting clean unbearable sorry about the run on sentences English wasn’t my best in high school lol yesterday I tool a 250
    mile ride def would not have been able to do that days earlier tho when I got home I have half crippled I looked like quaseymotto ready to ring the bells lol it still beats the hell out of the way I felt in the Earley part of the week, I’ve been starting my day with a small can of red bull ( i don’t drink coffee) and it seems to give me a little energy I had a lite breakfast when I could, it’s been one week of torture at first but after 3 days I started feeling better each day so please if you really want to get clean it’s gonna be a few days of hell and if you make it through that years of heaven my thoughts are with you all I’m out of that tunnel and hopefully can remain there

    by the way im south of that line and it’s warm

  • Pete

    By the way I checked day 8 I’m happy

  • http://yahoo M

    I believe who you are around is a big contributor to the Blues. Maybe the solution…I am holding an Ace and just dont want to Re-nig or Boo-Ray. I sat down at this game and intend to play the hand..By now you should be getting your feet planted. Im glad you found this site. It was my ring-bouy through this process.
    ONE MORE TIME THANK ALL OF YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME THROUGH MY WD’s
    Now I have what Michael refers to as the Long Term Recovery, to contend with..Soo here we gooo! I just hurt in places I had forgotten about and realize that I dont remember having a problem with that joint or muscle. Could be a bad case of OLD AGE!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!
    I just started and its my 42 day!!!

  • http://yahoo M

    Mike,
    Are you still here. I got some input about your drug test. You passed because the MRO (MED REVIEW OFF) has your records and they show your script for Meds. I was actually on the other side of the desk for years (and an addict) can you believe it? Everybody got a pass from me! except crack heads and meth’ers. The panel of substances is what determines what you are tested for. DOT – Homeland Sec- Pre-employment for non DOT are all different scales and test for different levels of meds.
    by now you should be in a good place. I hope you stay with us here and get better.

  • Michael

    Pete,

    Hang in there — the physical symptoms should start going away for you soon. Also, telling your wife everything was a good move. I think being honest with my wife about it made the experience worth going through — knowing that she was by me the whole time, and supported me. Yeah, it sucks to have lied to her in the first place, but for now, you gotta let that guilt go. Focus on recovering for now. You’re making the right choices in the moment, so don’t think about the bad choices you made in the past.

    Mike,

    I feel what you’re going through, man. Ultimately, you need to decide if you’re addicted or not. I’ll tell you though — that depression you mention is some pretty bad stuff. I would gladly feel any physical pain rather than deal with that mental anguish. You don’t even feel like a living person when you get that way. Trust me, I’ve been there before, and I was never depressed until after I was addicted to hydro. The worst was going through the withdrawal — it was the deepest, darkest hole I have ever been in, and it lasted about two weeks.

    I think you’re probably going to keep yourself in that cycle of depression until you stay clean of the meds long enough for your brain to heal itself. Even long after the actual opiates are out of your system, your mind will be going through the healing process. I’m still going through it, and I’m almost 4 months out. It’s a hard road — a very hard road, but you need to get to a place in your life where you consider that road to be one worth taking. Pain sucks, yes. But how much fun is addiction and depression?

    M,

    The long-term recovery is manageable. When you get to thinking, “Man, I feel pretty good — a hydro or two would make me feel even better!” That’s the dangerous part. You get so distant and removed from the withdrawals and depression that you think you’re in the clear, and forget all that you went through. And it’s VERY easy to slip up.

    Some people say that the problem is that one leads to another, and more and more until you’re back into the cycle. Well, that may not be the case, but just taking a few doses can set you waaaay back in terms of your mental healing. I had been taking Tramadol for my pain until recently. I took normal doses for a week — not abusing it. After a week, I said, “I know this is a very weak substance, but I don’t want to get hooked to something else.” So I stopped, thinking I’d stop for a little while. Well, no physical withdrawals came, but sure enough, within about 36 hours, I was thrown into a depression that lasted a week.

    It may have been a wave, or it may have been brought on by a normal dose of a weak painkiller. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, as this wave felt very similar to the initial depression during withdrawal. So your brain takes a lot longer to heal. I won’t be taking Tramadol, or anything for pain other than over-the-counter, for a long time. If ever — just because I know how easy it is to undo all your work.

    So that’s the danger. You really do feel removed from the mental and physical anguish, and you think you’re clear. When you get that feeling, occupy your mind with something else. Play a game, go for a walk, work in the yard, call a friend. Anything to take your mind away from using. The feeling passes — the craving, I suppose you call it. And the cravings are strong, but just remember how bad you felt when you came out on the other side. And how GREAT you feel when you’re not depressed. Stay strong, and remember, it really doesn’t take much time to undo months of work.

  • http://yahoo M

    Michael,
    Thanks for the update on depression. Im sure being in a different life (opiates free) has a big impact on my state of mind. Thus the reason to stay so close to this forum and my new found, trusted friends. Everybodies god the Blues, and we get over them. I can tell you that who you are with has a huge bearing on the outcome of you level of depression. Ill hang in and blame it on drug addiction and let my mind and body heal together. The problem is I really dont know what is normal…..The length of my adult life has been influenced by opiates on a steady basis..I ll look at my situation as I am a gieina pig because I really dont know what normal is……

  • Michael

    M,

    From what I understand, it’s fairly normal to have more instances of “the blues” for a while after quitting opiates than you are used to. In other words, if you are seeing an average of a few depressive episodes in a month right now, you can expect the number and severity to gradually taper off over the next 6 months to a year. I *think* anything you get after about a year is pretty much baseline. You just need to be careful to remember how easy it is to force your brain to start all over again within that first year while it’s healing.

    I had a semi-revelation while driving into work today, finally seeing when I first realized how much I liked opiates. I was in a motorcycle accident several years ago, and was given hydro for some broken bones. That was a turning point where I really tried to seek out opiates. Anyway, just thought I’d share that little insight.

  • Pete

    Hi all hope you are all hanging in there life does get better Im beating the blues with my fav things music have my iPod on and shutting the rest of the world out sleep has gotten a bit better most symptoms have passed, the main thing I’ve noticed is my body has slowed down alot getting around I feel like I’m 70 back and neck pain is my major problem pain some days really insense but dealing with it keep thinking how bad the withdrawals were I’m hopefully not going to go back there again, and I’ll get a passing wave on the buzz I got also that just started 2 days ago it only last of a bit I’m hanging in there I hope you all are to

  • http://yahoo M

    Thanks Mike,
    I understand we all have a baseline of the blues. Now I look forward to understanding what mine is. Back in the Southland and the weather is great. Maybe Ill cheer up some now. Thanks again
    Pete,
    You are rolliing now, Good luck and stay with the program of being clean of opiates. The old man syndrome is a bitch but that too will pass, get to moving around because the next phase for me was to eat everything in sight..I hope I didn’t trade addictions!!Good to see you here and doing so well.

  • Michael

    Pete,

    Are you in too much pain to work up a sweat? I suffer from chronic leg and hip pain, but you know what works really, really well to control it? I run 2.5 miles every other day. I’m not kidding — when my leg starts acting up and giving me some bad pain, I’ll take a run and the pain completely goes away for about 3 or 4 days. Now that I run every other day, I’ve had absolutely no pain since the beginning of last week.

    I don’t know what your physical limitations are, but see how you feel if you work out in some way for like, 30 minutes. Something that gets your heart pumping and sweat rolling. It gets your blood flowing to areas of your body that need healing, and, of course, produces your own natural opiates. PLUS, it works wonders for the mind as well.

    Hang in there, man. Try to find whatever drug-free way of controlling pain that works for you. It may take a while to figure out, but just keep with it!

  • http://google Michelle

    Hi there every body hope you all are doing well…As for me I’m ok we have really had nice weather where I’m at right now.So maybe that will help me out a lot too.Michael,I’m with you on some hip pain and exercise really is the way to go.If I sit around I can’t hardly even go on it so yes I have to get up and do something.I haven’t tried running but,truly I have a lot to do every day so know time for sitting around.When or if i do just sit around that’s when I find my self getting or wanting to do things that I shouldn’t.So to every one on here getting up is the most important because if you only lounge around all day then your mind has time to work on things that it shouldn’t at least that’s how i am any way.I am very glad to see that every one is doing so great.Hang in there we all have good and bad days but in the end we will all have good days so that’s what I keep looking forward to.And i do feel so much better than I did six months ago.And really we were depressed then to but didn’t notice if you think about it we were all worried about running out where we would get more,where the money was gonna come from,what kinda lie can I tell to cover up the money there was always something with me like that so I’m know more depressed now than I was then…Wishing every one the best…

  • Pete

    Hi yeah Michael no way will I be able to do any real work out I wish. right now I throw the iPod on and I walk around the block, it’s a start and if I can work it up to a cpl of blocks in the days to come that’s cool if I can get into a pool that’s awesome also it’s zero gravity on the spine, still off the hydro getting more sleep then the first week feeling much better but still have the old man syndrome and I’m hoping that will not last, im a little edgy with people and the depression is there still but it seems to be on hold I have a family member visiting that takes the blues away, to everyone out there trying please keep trying if you can beat the first 3-5 days keep going cause they so far seemed to be the worst. By the way I got the mail yesterday and there was another bottle of 180 hydros there

  • http://yahoo M

    Get rid of the temptation. You are to far along. Just my 2 cents worth…The monkey is a bitch but the Gorilla is the real BAD BOY! Good luck and keep up the postings.

  • http://google Michelle

    Pete,really you are doing outstanding.And you can only do what your body will allow you to.The most important thing is that you are off of those things.I don’t know how you do it.I know that there is know way that I could have a 180 tabs sent to me and me just walk away from it.So that being said your doing really good because I’m six months clean and I still do not think that I could do that.I hope that some day in the near future that I will be able to but I know that it’s not right now for me.I do really good I guess.All of my friends still use and I guess that has been one of the hard challenges,I feel like sometime I have lost all of my friends and that is hard.I know that I have to hold on tight with my family.Tried to sleep in today but the hip pain was really bad so now I’m up.I think that is the hardest part trying to sleep because I can’t sleep on my left side at all for know length of time anyway.But any way I think that you and every one on here is doing really good.So whatever your doing is GREAT…At least every body on here is off of those horrible pills.

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    Time really does heal all. And the feeling of isolation takes a lot of time to heal. Are you pretty involved in community stuff? I guess we lived in our house for about a year before we started making any friends, and about 1.5 years to really start hanging out with people. I’m just now starting to feel comfortable with the social life I have. And when it comes to the blues, there’s nothing quite like hanging out with friends. Even when I want nothing more than to lie around and watch Netflix, getting together with people and LAUGHING clears my head right up.

    Also, on the cravings, I’m right there with you. Tuesday, it was so strong that I couldn’t think about anything but getting “messed up.” On my way home from work, I almost pulled into the ABC store for some bourbon just to cut the edge of the craving. I didn’t stop, though, and when I got home, I busied my mind with cleaning up around the house. I felt right as rain when I got to bed. So the waves do pass, and doing something to distract yourself help it to feel like it passes faster.

    I still enjoy a drink now and then, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But I’ve promised myself, and kept to it so far, that I won’t have a drop when I’m depressed or when I’m craving it.

    Pete,

    Walking is just as good as running or anything else you can do. Only reason I’m running is because I’m training for some distance races this spring. :)

    My doc also said that swimming was one of the absolute best things I could do, so stick with that and you’ll be great. Again, I don’t know your condition or limitations, but doing anything physical, so long as it doesn’t make your condition worse, helps out a lot.

    As far as the depression is concerned, the degree to which people experience it as a protracted part of withdrawal varies. You are blessed if it’s mild. But if it gets real bad, just remember that we’ve been through it before, and you aren’t alone. Mine was so bad I had to miss work, and we locked up all the guns in the house. It was very, very dark — and I didn’t feel like I was even alive at the time. All I wanted to do was literally crawl into a hole and die. And that was ALL mental — no physical problems at that point. So if I can get through that, and others can get through worse, you’ll be just fine, I promise. :)

    As for the 180 tabs you just got, M is absolutely right — the best thing to do is get rid of them. I’m 4 months out, and if I saw a pill sitting around somewhere, I’d take it. And I have — I took a few last month. Fortunately it was just two, and I didn’t have access to more to fall back into it, but the point is that the temptation is very, very strong. Without them around, you’ll feel a little bit more free.

  • http://google Michelle

    I’m so glad to hear from you Michael,being isolated is pretty bad sometimes but it’s what I have to do right now.I;m very involved at my childrens school.I do really well when I’m around people that don’t do it because there is know temptation.But hopefully that soon passes too.And I’m not doing bad yes i think of the pill all most every day but have not used so that’s good right…It can only continue to get better because i know the worst part of it has been long gone for me meaning WD…If I could only control the mind issue I’d have this whooped I know it.So if any one has any suggestions PLEASE pass them along to me.KEEPING YOU ALL IN MY PRAYERS…AND THE BEST OF WIHES TO YOU ALL FROM ME….

  • Robyne

    Hello everyone, I came across this site by searching help for hydro addictions.I know to some of you this will sound like I dont take a high dose but to me its a horriable doseage.Let me start back to what brought me here.
    Last June I had dye put into my heart I had already had 2 heart attacks first one at age 48 second one at age 51 and I am now 53 anyway the dye showed I had 8 blockages and open heart surgery was very much needed.I spent a week in the hospital getting ready for the surgery and only 5 days after the surgery I was home remarkable huh? they gave me 5/500 hydros I didnt need them at all I took maybe 1 a day for a week then 2 a day as I was having problems with a tare to make a long story short I had a small tare in the cut that grew very large and infected I was then put back in the hospital for 3 more weeks with a vaccum in my chest and they were giving me dolotta(not sure how to spell it) I came home with 120 percosets.I started taking them because now I did have a lot of pain.after 3 weeks they took me off this med. and put me on hydro 7.5/500I took 1 every 4 hours as needed for pain all together it took 9 months for my chest to close and many times they cut on it to remove scabs and skin and so on.
    I went from 7.5/500 to 10/500 all at they dr.s doings because I was in so much pain.Now I am wanting to come off them.What I take each day is 2 10/500 in the morning and 2 10/500 at night.I have noticed I dont have the pain much ny more but when I try to not take them my feet crawl I cant keep them still.my chest burns like mussles in the cut area and I get very irritated.I can go up to 14 hours without them and I give in and take 2 within 30 mins everythng settles down.My son who is 36 tld me to go to the methadone clinic and try that to come off of this. I cant walk right now because of knee problems and I just dont know what to do.I hate drugs and how they make me feel.so any sujestions on what I need to do? I can not go to rehab as I have 2 kids at home.
    I have read the post here and I think cold turkey is going to be very hard for me because I cant walk or do anything when I am irritated.Last night I gave in and took 2 because I went 14 hours and my feet started doing the run and I could not keep them still and I was getting cold sweat and nausea so any help or advise would be good.I will try and post on here how things go for me as I try to kick this addiction.

  • http://google Michelle

    Robyne,I highly suggest that you stay away from methodone.I have had friends try that and needless to say it has been years since they started using methodone and there still doing it.And from what I can see the buzz off of that really puts you in lala land.Worse than any hydro ever would and much harder to come off of.I know it is difficult to quit cold turkey and if you think this is something that you can’t do talk to your dr.maybe he can perscribe something non-narcotic for you.And yes,My Dear it does sound as if you may be going through some withdraws.These pills are very easily to get addicted to.maybe you should try the cold turkey thing I used for 19yrs.and i quit cold turkey know it’s not easy but you will survive.3to5 days is the worst and you will start to feeling better.I also know where you are coming from with your kids because I have 2 girls my self one of the reasons I just had to get off of the hydros.I wish you the very best and PLEASE don’t give up it does get better….

  • http://google Michelle

    Robyne,I highly suggest that you stay away from methodone.I have had friends try that and needless to say it has been years since they started using methodone and there still doing it.And from what I can see the buzz off of that really puts you in lala land.Worse than any hydro ever would and much harder to come off of.I know it is difficult to quit cold turkey and if you think this is something that you can’t do talk to your dr.maybe he can perscribe something non-narcotic for you.And yes,My Dear it does sound as if you may be going through some withdraws.These pills are very easily to get addicted to.maybe you should try the cold turkey thing I used for 10yrs.and i quit cold turkey know it’s not easy but you will survive.3to5 days is the worst and you will start to feeling better.I also know where you are coming from with your kids because I have 2 girls my self one of the reasons I just had to get off of the hydros.I wish you the very best and PLEASE don’t give up it does get better….

  • patrick

    Hi every one
    i was off the hydros for 7 weeks then i got a injury and i was taking 2 10/500 a day for 4 weeks now i want to get off the stuff but i keep thinking of the withdralls i went though last time it was really hard to do i know i have to stop i am just getting up courage to start again cheers

  • Wayne

    Six months…. Half a year behind me now and I am doing great. I have gained a bit of weight… 168-185 but no one seems to notice other than my wife and she says she prefers me with some meat on my bones. My appetite was always suppressed when on opiates and now I get some pretty major hungers on throughout the day.
    I was happy to take my piss test for my pilots license renewal a few weeks or so a go. It was the first time I can remember not having a care in the world or waiting for that “Hey Wayne, we need to get you up to the main office to talk about your urine tests” All analgesics are on the not to fly list regardless of prescriptions. For the last eight years I would have to go to the medics office shaking like a dog shitting razor blades under withdrawal hoping I would pee clean.
    Good luck to all and I hope you are getting some sleep and the ‘jimmy legs’ (as I like to call the restless leg syndrome you have a week or so after and during tapering and cold turkey) are not too bad.

    WAyne

  • Pete

    Michelle, I know how u are feeling with sleep I can only sleep (barely) in one poss I’m up most of the night I sometimes wear the heat patches along with ibprophin these give a little relief if you can get into a hot bath or hot tub these are temp reliefs at least u can get a little comfort, as for the pills I have so many rxs of these hydros the temp is always gonna be there and I need to fight any temptation with my mind, I fight depression with music and thoughts of family there have been uncountable times even before this withdrawal that I’ve wanted to pull the pin the only thing that has kept me from it is that so many people counton me for many reasons and I couldn’t let them down my lungs are kinda messed up also I was a 1st responder at the WTC so Michelle Micheal M and everyone else on here you can do this please keep your heart soul into this you come 1st hang in there you are not alone

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    I’ve searched high and low, and I have not found any one cure-all for the cravings. The physical stuff was hard to get through. The depression / anxiety was damn near impossible. But these cravings, I think they’re a different beast altogether. You think about taking something when you’re awake, and you dream about it when you’re asleep. It’s like you’re desperately trying to reconnect with a long-lost friend.

    It’s hard, I know. Fortunately for me, my addiction wasn’t from being around others who were feeding it — it was all my own choice. I don’t have friends who do that, so my only temptations are coming from within. So placing myself in your shoes is difficult, but I can relate somewhat.

    Remember that it took a long time for us to get as hooked as we got. And it will take a long time to get over that. Our brains have been literally re-wired, and that’s a very slow process to undo. There ARE things you can do to help with healing that part of your mind. Exercise forces blood all over your body, which carries oxygen and other stuff I don’t understand to all areas which need healing. There are also foods you can eat which help the process, like certain fats (especially fish), and amino acids. Vitamins help maintain an ideal salinity in your brain to facilitate neural transmission. All of these things HELP, but don’t CURE. I’m also on a low-dose of an SSRI temporarily. I can’t really tell how much it works, but it probably does help.

    Other things I’ve been doing to help are that I just started seeing a therapist. He wants me to go to NA, which I’m sure would also help, but I don’t think I’m ready for that. Also, I’m not particularly religious dogmatically, but searching out my spirituality and relationship with God helps to fill some of that need which opiates do for me. When I was really in the depression part, I remember walking outside, crying, and saying, “God, why do I feel so bad? I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone at all — I was just trying to feel good and happy.” I felt that the consequence was WAY heavier than the deed. But since then, when I really get to thinking about God, I feel the cravings subside, like I’m getting that “good feeling” from something else. So I’m not really kicking the addiction, but replacing it with something much healthier. Don’t worry — I hate when people preach at me, so I’m done. :)

    Meditation, prayer, exercise … they all worked for me during the acute withdrawals, and they all seem to be working during this phase of cravings. I don’t know that kicking the addiction is the key, but like I said, it’s more replacing that need to feel great with something that you can use sustainably. We all want to feel good — it’s how we’re wired as human beings. I think we gotta find healthy ways to do it. It’s harder than popping a pill, but it feels more rewarding.

    Robyn,

    It sounds like the hospital had you on dilaudid, which is incredibly therapeutic for pain, but yes, it is quite addictive.

    What you’re describing in terms of addiction is very common. It’s normal for your body to become dependent on these medications through the normal course of treatment. It doesn’t sound like you’re abusing it — but only taking it to keep withdrawals at bay. And I don’t think I could ever give anyone a hard time for how much or how little they’re taking. Dependence and withdrawals can be very difficult no matter what the dose. And your 40 mg a day isn’t a low dose.

    If you want to get off the meds, have you spoken with your primary care doctor? He or she will have had a lot of experience with this kind of thing, and will know the best way to taper you off. I echo Michelle’s thought that methadone probably isn’t the route at this point. If everything you said here is true about what you’re taking and why you’re taking it, then your transition off might be difficult, but can probably be handled in the context of the doctor’s office.

    Please post again if you feel up to it. We are only here to help, not judge whatsoever. It’s a public forum, but a safe place to open up. You’ve got all of our support, and we’re happy to give advice should you ask for it. :)

    Patrick,

    Like I just said to Robyn, we’re here to help and not judge. :) You were able to quit before — you can quit again. I know it’s intimidating to face the withdrawals again, but you already know you’ll survive it. You just need to make that choice…

    Wayne,

    Awesome progress!! I think it’s incredibly helpful for people to hear of those success stories to help lift morale. So many millions of people have gotten off these meds, but not very many people share and talk about that. Thanks for posting, and keep up the great work!

    Pete,

    You really awesome doing a great job. I really feel for you — to be in constant pain and to know that the meds are just another source of trouble for you really sucks. It sounds to me like you’ve got a great head on your shoulders and know what you want right now, and that’s to be pain-free and clean to boot. I think clean comes first, and then there are tons of ways to help manage pain. Just keep your head up and remember that, as far as the withdrawals go, we’ve all been there and know what you’re going through, especially the mental / depression aspect. Know that we’re all wishing you the best, and rooting you along.

  • http://yahoo M

    Went to a Mardi Gras parade, felt strange not enjoying the show! All the crazies were there and I looked @ them and said,”not me”, I guess Im in a different world now. May be time to set priorities and accept you cant have your cake and eat it too. Im sure Ill find enjoyment in some of my past activities. I just have to decide what I am comfortable with being opiates free. I would not trade my life now for any time in past. I am free of checking to see if I got enough pills to get back with,,,enough for tomorrow…And one thing not metioned here is the consequences of the Law, not knowing who you are cop’ing from, the reqular bull that I will never have to deal with. help me stay free from opiates.WE CAN DO THIS!!

  • Michael

    That’s the spirit, M! I’m right there with ya — trying to find things in my life to fill that need to feel good. And yes, we most certainly can do this!

  • http://google Michelle

    Yes,we can do and were going to.We all have to hang in there together and we all will make it.I have really strong faith in that.We have come to far to turn around and ruin it now.And i know that none of us is gonna do that.So to all of you hold that head up strong and keep fighting we all will win…………….

  • http://yahoo M

    Im off to India. I will try to keep up as best as I can so please keep strong and focused on our mission to get free and clean from opiates.WE CAN DO THIS!!!

  • Pete

    M safe trip n hangin there

  • http://google Michelle

    M,I hope you safe trip.And I do hope that you enjoy your self.Imagine your first trip sober(or is it) your first trip yet.This will be the trip to remember being sober you may actually remember every thing this time.At least I know when i would go on trips when I was using people would ask me do you remember this and I would just have to go a long with them because truly I had know idea what they were talking about.I had a formal Christmas party I had to go to with my husband for his work,the first thing i had done sober in many years and I really did enjoy.People were so sweet to me.And I guess out of all of it i finally felt sexy and beautiful again,a lot of people that Andnight complimented me on how good I looked.To make a long story short I really did enjoy being there sober and not having to run to the restroom every little while and use.Looking back now I wonder if any of the people that I was around on some of those nights really knew what I was doing i hope not.But all of that is behind me now and I feel like a million bucks today I do wish I felt this good every day and who knows maybe I’ve had my turning point and I will always feel this good.Maybe all the bad is gone I have felt good for days now no cravings or any thing PLEASE I hope this feeling continues…I wish you the best and the funnest trip you have ever taken,Keep in touch ok.Were all like family on here and when we don’t hear from each other we worry…I’m a big time worrier about every one even here at home I have to worry about some one I have been that way my entire life.And Michael,you are doing great also,And so is Pete and I am so proud of all of us I knew we all could win this very ugly battle and we have.Every one hang in there and be strong were all in here together.I PRAY for each and every one of us every night.We all are so lucky that we have over come this disease….

  • Jerrell

    Wanted to check in on everyone.. welcome to all of the newcomers!
    Glad you were able to find this place, it is simply amazing what good people we have here. I am on day 62 clean and have tapered myself down to less that half a mg of xanax a day. I am so close to kicking the benzo I can’t believe it. Thanks to everyone here who helped me kick my hydro habit, I really didn’t think it could be done in the beginning but as the days have passed it has really become clear that it was best decision I have ever made.
    For those who are looking for answers on what it feels like; BETTER without those pills everyday. Life becomes more clear, and if you think you can’t do it PLEASE don’t give up, it is a struggle but as everyone here can vouch it does get better everyday. Stay Strong and if I can help let me know.

  • Pete

    Michelle reading your recent post made me smile and really happy for you, that your finally going out enjoying yourself and remembering everything I know exactly what your talking about keep up the good work sounds like your there, if you have a craving it will pass sounds like your doing awesome, I’m on two weeks now cut cold turkey for me tapering off wasn’t an option that’s just how I feel I must do things, others on here’s do whatever works for you, sleep and pain still a issue, heading to a pain management dr soon that’s the only thing that might start me up again, believe me when I tell u I’ve tried everything outside of
    surgery and nothing lasted as long, I’m not looking for a reason to use again I threw away two of my last rxs for everyone on here might sound like I’m looking for an excuse to use trust me I’m not I don’t want to go threw the withdrawals again …,please everyone hangin there your doing great keep it up if your just darting out the worst days at least fore were the first week then you finally start getting your life back , good luck to u all

  • http://google Michelle

    Pete,thank you it makes me feel good to know that I put a smile on some ones face that has to mean I brightened your day a little bit.I think that you are doing wonderful and I also don’t think that you are trying to make excuses simply because I have been there and know how you feel.Yes,when I do have cravings they usually do pass pretty fast because I go back and remember the WD affects and that was awful the most hardest thing to do and I’ll never go back there again.I made my self that promise and i’m usually not the one to break promises.I am very proud of every one on here and so glad that you all found this site.it has been a god sent for me I don’t think that I could have done all I did with out being on here.So good luck to you all.And to the new comers it really does help there are good people on here to talk with.I fill like i have known most of every one on here my whole life and have never met any of them but every one is good listeners.Hope you all have a wonderful day….

  • Michael

    Michelle,

    I’m so happy you’re doing great! It really is a wonderful feeling to know the claws are out of your skin, and that you can really and truly be free. I’m still getting the cravings from time to time, but it’s not overwhelming, and it does get better day by day. I think I understand now how it feels to be a slave of my own free will. Never again will I allow that to happen.

    Jerrell,

    2+ months clean and going strong! That’s awesome! You’re pretty much past everything now, and it’s down to willpower and mental strength. I’m so happy for you, that you also know that freedom.

    Also, you’re doing great with the benzo. The key is a sloooow taper. Don’t be afraid to drag it out. I was on 1/8 mg (or 1/4 tablet) of Klonopin for about 2 months before I stepped off. At that pace, I didn’t have any withdrawal problems that I could tell. And I stepped off exactly one month after my last dose of hydro, so I was still dealing a little with the mental part of the hydro WDs. So there’s lots and lots of hope for you. I assumed I’d be taking the benzo my whole life just because I tried to go cold turkey on it once. It’s all about the taper. Also, don’t be afraid to step back up if the WDs are overwhelming. I stepped down too quickly many times and had to step back up and hang out at that dose a bit longer before trying to go down again. Stay at a dose until you feel completely fine with it before you step down — it helps a lot. Oh, just to give a comparison, I was on 3 mg (or 6 tablets) a day for about 2 years before I started the taper. That’s a pretty high dose.

    So, good for you — you’ll be 100% free of it all before you know it. Just take your time and listen to your body and mind. :)

    Pete,

    As I said before, no one is going to judge you here. I personally don’t think you’re making excuses. Painkillers serve a very GOOD purpose — to help people who are suffering in their quality of life because of pain. For many people, these drugs are indeed wonderful. I feel that if the pain can’t be managed any other way, then it’s a good option — no one should have to live with terrible pain.

    That said, you’ve been through the withdrawals, and know that there is a price to pay for the relief. I see it as taking out a loan. Whenever you take a painkiller, you feel good and the pain slips away. But you have to pay back that loan with interest. There are probably ways to soften the landing, like a taper, but you still have a physical dependence built up, and your body and brain will always have to adjust again when you take that away.

    We all have a choice, and it sounds like you’re at that decision point. I have absolutely no reason to take painkillers anymore. If I made that choice, it would not be for legit purposes. Your situation is different — as is everybody’s. No one is going to judge the decision you ultimately make. But we will support you and provide help when you need it.

  • http://google Michelle

    Jerrell,I think that you are doing great.With that being said if the xanax is helping you right now don’t worry about hurrying up to get off of them.I know maybe you want to and one day I’m sure you will.But,in the mean time let them help you because you are truly doing very well.And to be honest i don’t take nerve pills every day but my mom does and days that are real bad for me i’ll be the first to admit that i’m going to get me a valium.I do not crave them but in the mean time if i’m not doing so good I will go get one so don’t be so hard on your self.

  • http://spiritualriver Chris

    Hi, my name is Chris and I am on day 2of being completely clean!This all started about 7 years ago and has progressed to 7-8 blue tens a day!I have tried to stop several times but have always went back bc I could never handle the upset stomach and insomnia.I feel like I have been living in a dream world for the last 7 years because everything has always been GREAT on pills.They make everything better! I have strapped my family for cash and have been in several arguements with my wife because I always defend the pillslike they were my life! I am 29 now, I have a wife that I adore, and the most beautiful 2-year old baby boy in the world and I feel that I have completely let them down! I come from a great family and I know that I am better than this for the sake of my family!Can anyone tell me if drinking a few beers at night helps with the insomnia? These pills have controlled my life for the past seven years of my life and this has got to stop! I want my son to be able to enjoy his real father! My family does not deserve this! Any advice will help as I see it has helped others!

  • Bethany

    Chris,
    I have been clean for either two months or longer. I’m not really counting anymore at this point. I still have problems with sleep, but this is a result of some other complications I think. I would suggest taking Melatonin. It’s bought over the counter and you can take up to 15 mgs at night. I am not a heavy drinker, but alcoholisms runs in my family and although many nights I have contemplated have a drink I have not due to fear of it working and then I begin to rely on it every night. At this point I maybe drink twice a year, so I really don’t think that would happen, but if there’s any hesitation in your mind I would highly suggest avoiding it. Try the melatonin and if that doesn’t work talk with a doctor about something to help you sleep at night.

  • Bethany

    Pete,
    I understand seeking out a pain management doctor especially with your condition. I have been having a lot of pain issues that I will discuss in another post and this too has crossed my mind. I do not under any circumstances want to be back on that stuff again, but I do want to be able to function as a normal 27 year old. Pain Management doctor’s can be a good thing because they can also help you use different methods to help reduce pain. I suggest looking into each doctor’s reviews and seek out a doctor that wants to end the pain not mask it with medicine. Good luck to you.

    Michelle,
    I understand clearly remembering the withdrawal effects, but I am nervous that as time passes I will soon forget. I had a dream the other night which is often labeled a “users dream”, but they were very interesting yet different. The first I began getting ready to shoot up heroin which is something that I have never touched before. Found this one strange even though I never shot up. The second dream I was in a room with a pipe full of meth and someone offered it to me and I clearly said no.

  • Bethany

    Ok so on to my update. My pain level has gone up incredibly high over the last few weeks. I cannot take Tramadol according to one doctor due to my petite seizures. I was diagnosed years ago with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I think is completely messing with my sleep system. While I am constantly tired I still seem to have insomnia and interrupted sleep on a daily basis. I went to see a new doctor today hoping to find out what the heck is going on with me. My joints hurt constantly, my ankle felt twisted for two days straight without any sprain and then my neck starting hurting for the second time in a week. I still have the chronic back pains which seem to be attributed to my scoliosis. They are going to run some updated blood work to see if that shows anything wrong with me. I was temporarily put on Xanax to sleep at night and for any panic attacks. I am just so sick of not being able to function like a normal human being. My doctor increased my celexa so I’m hoping that might improve things. I’m not sure what is going on, but I definitely feel too young to be going through this. I know I sound depressed, but in a sense I am, I just really feel more frustrated than anything.

  • Anonymous

    Chris go with Bethany suggestion or try benadryl seems you might be trading one thing for another I have diazpam which helps a bit,.. your still a young guy with a young family you don’t want to lose or hurt them I’ve been there please hang in there, Bethany I know what your going throught it sucks waking up in pain and going to sleep the dame way, I gave pain management a shot several years ago but in all truthfulness my injury is to far gone to be helped I was told I will however look into it once more I had to put on a fentanal patch yesterday it’s a 3 day patch stronger then morphine seems I’ve become immune to most of these pain killers and believe me using that was a last resort they leave you like a lump of clay, not going back to hydros I’m just gonna have to deal with it 5 years of pain killers with 3 of them lost in the ozone is not where I want to be again people have noticed that while I’m in pain I look better keep it up you all your doing great we can all do this by the way the patches went in the garbage also

  • Anonymous

    Michelle I take one Valium like every other night for sleep helps with pain and all the thoughts running around my head even if it only lasts for a bit it’s better then nothing, but it another habit forming pill so u have to watch not to get caught up with that thx again for the smile please keep giving it to me buy keeping up the good work

  • Michael

    Chris,

    Your situation sounds very, very similar to mine. I’m 28, married, great family, great background, great home, no real reason to take opiates. I suppose the thing you need to keep in mind is your wife, and more importantly, your son. You need to live the “Do as I Do” rather than the “Do as I Say” life for him. Is avoiding stomach problems and sleeplessness for a few weeks worth not showing him how to live properly? We aren’t going to judge you in any way, my friend, but you son looks at you as a god right now, and what you do, he will see. Kids are really damn smart.

    This is all stuff I’m sure you know, so go on and make the change! If you don’t I promise you that you will lose your health, your job, your family, your home, and your life — probably in that order. Get out now before the price you have to pay includes any of those. You can fight your way through this, I promise. Be honest with your wife — let her know you’re doing the right thing now. She will support you because she wants her husband back.

    You’re at two days out now. The stomach problems are probably in full gear, and you can expect it to be that way until about 4 or 5 days out. Drink TONS of water. You aren’t going to sleep much for the next week, either, but each night will afford you about an extra hour. You’re going to wake up each morning with a twist in your stomach, and feeling very anxious. Just get to the bathroom and get it out, and force yourself to move. In about two weeks, everything will start leveling out, including the anxiety and depression. By about three weeks, you’re actually going to feel good, and at a month, you’ll feel better than you have in years. When the veil lifts, you know it.

    For now, drink lots of water. Get outside and get some sun, and move around! Run, hike, do anything to work up a good sweat. If it’s your bag, pray or meditate. I do both, and it works wonders. You’ll get through it, that’s a given. You just need to stay strong, and think about what’s at stake!

    Bethany,

    I’m praying that they figure out what’s going on and get you the help you need. There are some really GOOD doctors out there, so I’m confident that you’ll eventually get relief. Until then, stay as strong as you’ve been. You’ve passed the gauntlet of the withdrawals, so I know that you’ve got the strength of mind and spirit to hold on through this right now.

    As for those dreams, I still get them at over 4 months out. I’ve only ever done weed and painkillers, but in these dreams, I’ve done everything you can imagine. It’s really weird, but it does start to lose its grip over time.

  • http://spiritualriver Chris

    Thanks for the suggestions!I am on day three now and I know that this is the hardest thing that I have ever been through! I haven’t had any sleep in two nights now and I hade to FORCE myself to get out of bed this morning! My body is aching all overand I feel like a zombie! Does anyone know how long it will be before I can pass a hair sample drug test? I have tried other drugs in the past but never cared to try them again!Once i tried a Lortab, I was HOOKED! The flu symptoms are also very bad at this point, will the benadryl help with the flu like symptoms also?

  • Pete

    Sorry all I came up as amonymous

  • http://google Michelle

    Hey,I hope that you all are having a wonderful day.The weather is gorgeous here so I have been planting flowers all day.Being outside doing something like that really occupies my mind.So in for a new summer I’m gonna be a new me.I have a in ground pool which takes up a lot of my time,and of course the tanning bed a lot of friends usually come over to use.Only this time if their still using I want let them come to my home…Do any of you think that is bad of me some of these friends i have known my entire life but at the same time they know my situation and they do not act as if they even care.I know that a lot of my friends are going to be upset with me so any suggestions on what to say to them???I am so excited for this turning point in all of our lives I know that it is gonna be better for us our family and our health.So to all of you on this page I want you to know that I truly thank you for being a wonderful listener.And I will remain coming to this site and hopefully i can help a lot of other people.I think that every one that comes to this site has the strength to stop doing these pills.Remember something or someone led us this far so it must be meant for us to stop.Every one keep PRAYING and every thing will be ok.HAVE A GREAT DAY !!!!!!

  • http://spiritualriver Chris

    Michelle, if you need to seperate yourself from your friends then that is what you need to do!I have tried this before but have always got weak in the past becdause i HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY ARE IN ARMS REACH WHEN CERTAIN FRIENDS ARE AROUND! If your friends aren’t proud of you for trying to be your real self again then F*** them, they are not real friends anyway!When you are completely over this, you will find out who your true friends are, the ones who love you for who you are and support you through your hard times! I know that im only on day three, but I have already gotten word that people are aggravated with me because I won’t answer my phone but I know in my heart that if that is what it takes, then that is what it takes! Besides that, I am not gonna let users be around my child any longer! Be strong and have a great day!

  • http://google Michelle

    Chris,thank you I really feel the same way if they were true friends they would be proud of me.But it’s whatever if they want to be that way then that’s fine cause my true best friends are my two daughters and my husband.Thank you for your kind words and taking time to give some advice.I remember when I first quit using I didn’t answer my phone for awhile and yes the same friends were aggravated with me so I guess that’s life if that’s what they choose to do then they can but I’m done with it.be strong and keep hanging in there…I know you will succeed.

  • Pete

    Michelle I have friends from the past that just can’t not be around there older friends that are still using and I mean using anything they have cut ties with all and if that’s what you feel you need to do by all means do it your the important one here that needs to start anew enjoy your new new life gardening and being outside doing things was one of my fav things Iovef it and the day flew.past, also if these friends no what your doing and don’t give a shit there not really friends enjoy your life

  • Michael

    Chris,

    Keep it up! The physical stuff will peak for you at about 4 or 5 days. Yes, you can expect very little sleep for now, but like I said earlier, it will come back for you in a week or two.

    Keep strong right now — I know how hard and painful it is. We all do. But we also know the rewards of making it through to the other side. The pain does go away. Are you incredibly sad, too? Do you feel emotionally crushed, like you absolutely cannot face the day, much less life? I went through that pretty hard-core. That also lifts away. I’d say you’ll start having windows of time where you feel OK starting tonight or tomorrow. Within a week from now, it’ll be subsiding, and two weeks from now it’ll feel like you’re good again.

    Just give it time. Drink water and go for walks. It’s a good time of year to feel this way because the days are getting longer, and you can spend more time outside. Hang in there man.

    Michelle,

    I concur with what’s already been said. I have a friend recovering from alcoholism, and whenever he’s over, I make sure all the alcohol in the house is put away or gone, and I never ever drink around him because I support his decision to quit. Your friends need to do the same with you, or get the hell out of your life. This is your body, your mind, your family, and your life. You control what comes into any of those spheres, so I would absolutely not feel bad if I were you. Not one little bit. :)

  • http://google Michelle

    I want to start off by saying Thanks to each and every one of you for all of your advice and caring thoughts.I do agree with all of you none of these people are my true friends and apparently they never were,it really doesn’t make me that mad just hurts my feelings that people that i cared about are actually that way.I know one thing I wouldn’t treat any one like that.A true friend is supposed to be there for you through thick and thin.But,I guess I have found out the hard way which is ok because I am only going to better my life and we all know that they are making theirs worse.And they will be where I’m at one day because every one gets tired of being a slave to a pill.And i’m never gonna be that slave again.
    Chris,hang in there it does get better the first little while is nothing short of pure HELL!!!I know you can and will make it you have come this far so your will power is very strong to do this.It will get a little better day by day.And the other side(the sober side)is so much better and you will feel so much better.I will keep you in my deepest prayers and be here every day to talk with if you should just need someone to talk with.Believe me when I say I’ve been through it all.I have,I’ve lost my best friend,my brother,and my grandmother all this year.So it has really been a tough year for me but I just keep hanging in there.For me to have quit while going through so much,deep down I think there is a reason that something or someone stronger than me is saying to me it was time for me to stop all the things that I was doing.alls I’m trying to say is PLEASE hang in there.Whatever you do,do not give up you will be so rewarded when your past all of this.I hope you all have A wonderful day.I am so proud of every one of you hang in there it gets better….

  • Jerrell

    Michelle
    I just wanted to take a minute and say thanks for being herE for everyone of us. You have brought a lot of things to the table, a lot of support and a lot of food for thought. I agree that your friends should be proud of you for quitting, unfortunately there are those who have not faced the challenge yet or just don’t want to. I am very proud of you!

    To all
    Most everyone in my life never knew about my problem with hydro, I was ashamed to let anyone know. I went through the withdrawals, the temptations, the MASSIVE Depression and now I am finished with it (still have a temptation occasionally but refuse to give in) I feel so much better. I plan to drop my mini dose of xanax this weekend, right now I am getting by with a very small dose of less than 1/2 mg per day. I did have another friend who told me I was too hard on myself, but I suppose that is my personality. I just don’t want to be hooked on anything (maybe I am just scared after the hydro trap I fell in). I have not had a drink in 2 years, so I feel like I am doing great compared to what I was just a few months ago. Please don’t give up if you are trying to quit, just know that it can be done and you will