Let’s talk about spiritual beliefs: I bring this up because of recent experiences that I have had in my life.
I would love to hear some feedback on this idea. Let me get right to the point with some quick examples:
* Suzy is 30 years old and is recovering from alcoholism. She says “I am a Christian.”
* Tommy is a 16 year old teenager. He says “I am a Mormon.”
* Frank is 24 years old and says “I am an atheist.”
These three people are doing something potentially dangerous, in my opinion. They are mistaking their identity with their beliefs.
Suzy says she is a Christian. She is not really a Christian… what she is, in fact, is a human being. She happens to have Christian beliefs. This does not really change her identity deep down, however.
The same can be said of the other two examples. They are confusing who they are with what they believe. They have taken on their beliefs as an identity.
Big mistake. My opinion, of course. Feel free to disagree.
But, allow me to explain.
Think back to when you were really, really young. I’m talking about when you were just one or two years old, and just starting to understand reality….just starting to develop some basic comprehension about the world. You may learn a word or two, or understand that the ball will fall to the floor if you let go of it.
At that point, what were your beliefs? They were a blank slate. (If they were not, then go back further).
This was your true identity. That person who was just starting to learn and to understand the world, that was your true self, your true identity. Later on, as you grew older, you may have had new experiences that became so important to you that you merged them into your identity. We learn to develop beliefs over time. And we see how serious other people are with their beliefs, and we say “Ah. These are my beliefs now, and they are important to me. This is what I believe.” And so we take those beliefs on as a part of who we are. But, choosing to integrate those beliefs into our identity is, I think, a mistake.
I can remember when I was extremely young, and I pictured the edge of the earth, thinking that the earth must be flat. I did not yet understand how gravity worked, and so I believed that the earth was flat, and that a person could come to the edge of the earth and probably fall off if they were not careful. Where would you go? Down, of course! That was what I believed, because I was 3 years old.
Now think about that belief for a moment, of believing that the earth was flat. Did that really change who I was, deep down? Did I identify myself with that belief? Did it dominate who I was as a person? Of course not. That belief was not a fundamental part of who I was. It did not define me. It was just a collection of thoughts that I had adopted as my own, and sort of “wore them over myself” as a person might put on an extra layer of clothes. But underneath, my real identity was still there, untainted by this belief.
So as an adult, why do some people take their beliefs and identify with them? And perhaps even more importantly, why do our beliefs have to be taken all the way to the level of fundamentalism?
It is almost like, if you are not a fundamentalist, then you are not really “hard core” with your belief system. You are somehow “less than,” because you obviously have not thought hard enough about what you believe, or surely you would be at some level of fundamentalism by now. Surely you would be more dedicated to your beliefs.
I find this to be a bit annoying. I also see it trip people up in recovery.
Fundamentalism occurs when a person says “That’s it. I’m a Christian” (Or an atheist, or a Mormon, or whatever)….and no further evidence, data, or inquiry is needed. The fundamentalist is basically saying “That’s it….I’m done collecting data and observing new things with an objective mind, because I have already decided on my belief system, and I choose to observe reality through this specific “lens.”
Fundamentalism as a stumbling block in recovery
When I was very early in my recovery from addiction, I noticed a couple of people in the 12 step meetings that I was attending. They were hard not to notice. And a few of these people were basically 12 step fundamentalists. They were not interested in hearing about other solutions for recovery, and they referred to the Big Book of AA as “their bible.” They quoted it like scripture and they also became very angry if you tried to criticize or denounce “the program” in any way. They were especially likely to use fear as a tool when it came to their preaching at newcomers, and they were notorious for warning people of impending relapse if they were to turn away from AA.
Now–don’t get me wrong– not all of AA or 12 step recovery is like this. There are many balanced and wonderful people in the meetings who genuinely want to help you, and they do not get preachy or use fear in order to do it. But the aggressive AA fundamentalist is still out there, and they can be particularly obnoxious, and pretty hard to miss.
And wouldn’t you know it?…..I learned this slowly over time in recovery: they eventually relapse.
I was actually afraid in early recovery that maybe the fundamentalist preachers were right, and that I would eventually fail in recovery unless I became “seriously hard core in AA.” Well, after over 9 years of my own successful sobriety, I am no longer afraid of the AA fundamentalist. Every single one of them (that I knew), has since relapsed.
Of course, the same is true with religious fundamentalism as a means of recovery. I can cite at least a few instances where individuals were clinging to a single lens through which to see the world, and refused to “try on another set of glasses,” even for a brief moment. And of course, fundamentalist beliefs blocked them from long term success in recovery. It works for a while, and seems to work well. But with the extremist, it never seems to last.
When you first stop drinking, that is the time for flexibility and open mindedness. Whatever you have been doing has not been working. Whatever your beliefs are in life, they have not served you well. Recovery almost seems to demand flexible beliefs. And depending on your amount of growth in recovery, it demands that your beliefs evolve right along with your personal growth and development.
I feel that I am lucky to have avoided fundamentalism. Surely my addiction would have killed me by now if I had not been able to “change lenses” at different points in my journey, and experiment with different sets of beliefs.
Changing beliefs in order to grow
In my opinion, it is disempowering to cling so tightly to your beliefs that they become part of who you are. Many alcoholics have surely died rather than to change their beliefs.
When I first got into recovery from addiction, I was not being served well by my current set of beliefs. They were not helping me to succeed or move forward in any way. In fact, I was spiraling out of control and was pretty close to total self destruction through chemical abuse.
In order to find sobriety I had to drop my old belief system. In order to accept a new path that would lead to a healthier life, I had to change what I believed.
But it went much further than that. I can look back now and see that, clearly, I had to change those belief systems again in order to continue growing in recovery. Had I turned to fundamentalism and stayed where I was at in early recovery, I do not think my life would have progressed to this point, nor do I think I would still be sober and thriving today.
I am prepared to keep evolving in recovery. As they say in AA, “more will be revealed.” How sad that so many people close their minds off from new ideas, simply because of dogmatic belief. That goes for people both in and out of the 12 step program.
So what about you? Do you identify as your beliefs?
Beliefs are learned.
Beliefs are baggage.
Do you realize and comprehend that you are still a human being underneath all of that extra baggage, all of those “learned beliefs?”
And do you believe that “changing lenses” can help you through different situations in your life….that you can potentially use different belief systems depending on your circumstances?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments. I would love to hear your opinion on this topic.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Patrick,
Great article – and thanks for the email to let me know you posted a new one – they’re welcome!
I think people need to believe something, or, at least say they believe something about how they should act in the world – what religion is right, etc… You, like I, know Christians that you can’t for the life of you figure out how or why they call themselves Christians. Most couldn’t tell you 5 things Christ did. Many don’t attend church. The overwhelming majority of Christians don’t read the bible directly themselves (a guess).
Addiction is such an overwhelming, life controlling situation that people think they need to go outside themselves for the answer to the problem. Putting it in Jesus’ hands to deal with is something I heard a lot growing up (family grew up Christian while I grew up questioning it all – freethinker type).
Talking about fundamentalism and the AA mentality… it matches what the addict was going through when battling alcohol abuse, or drug abuse… any addiction.
Others tell you about your drug of choice – it’s not good for you, it’s bad, it’s going to hurt you…
Part of the reason most people start drinking in their teens is just because it seems like a curious thing to do… a rebellion of sorts.
Someone telling you strongly that AA’s rules are the only thing that will work – and that all else is bad and going to hurt you – cause a relapse… it works on the addicted individual just like parents telling a teen not to drink. An authority cannot tell someone, and hold someone accountable for stopping addictive behavior. It usually doesn’t work for long.
Likewise, Christianity or some other religion telling someone they must not use their drug is the same thing.
The change needs to come from inside, not outside. The change, ideally doesn’t follow the normal a + b = c routine either. The linear “apply treatment, get expected outcome” doesn’t work as well as a second order change which is something altogether different.
I think I’ll write about second order change on my blog sometime this month. I don’t see many people talking about it.
You know, when I revised my blog I didn’t add the link back to your site (or any others), I’ll add it back to my blogroll now. Great site Patrick and I enjoy every article.
Vern (AimforAwesome.com)
Hey Patrick! This is a fascinating read. I don’t know much about addictions but all I can say is I was nodding my head throughout the entire article. From some spiritual traditions, any sort of belief is limiting and an obstacle. Similarly, I find it a block in many parts of my life, too. As a minor example, I used to be into the social part of personal growth (Dale Carnegie, blah blah). Now I find it is an actual block to getting out there and really getting to meet and know someone on a true level – all the beliefs I have picked up seem to make me a shallow superficial robot.
I can strongly indentify with the feeling in your article. We all sometime grab on to beliefs that fade over time. I can really appreciate the point on the damage of looking through just one lens although life can affect people’s perception on life and recovery. We can all keep our focus a lot better by changing lens every once and a while.
I can relate to this article. Thank you Patrick.
I was a member of a very, very, religious church. It was so strict that I was actually dis-fellowshipped, which is similar to ex-communication. The official reason being because I didn’t attend services frequently enough. I attended once every two months. The clergy demanded to know why I wasn’t attending church. I told them it was none of their business (personal issues which I still can’t talk about).
Presently, I have a hard time dealing with fundamentalists. They are pious, without grace or mercy. They prey on the vulnerable to fuel their ignorance and arrogance.
As for me, ugly feelings arise and I become extremely angry. I don’t say anything while attending meetings but I choke on the venom I feel towards them. And of course, this put my sobiety in jeopardy. I feel stupid that they get such a rise out of me but it is true.
On top of it, I think most people in 12 step meetings view God as a magical wish genie. Meaning, if they pray and preach hard enough, their addiction will disappear. They imply how easy and miraculous everything is now. I tire of their rhetoric while I’m struggling to stay sober every single day.
I responsible for my own recovery. I don’t know everything or anything about anything. Learning. Humility. Gratitude.
For my own sanity, I realized I have to stay away from fundamentalists. If anyone feels the same way, please know that you are not the only one.
Well, this post really got me thinking. I am in a place in my own sobriety where I have re-evaluated my beliefs. As I read your post I began to wonder if I was turning into one of the types you mention. It made me look again at what I choose to believe and why. Happily, I believe I have chosen the path best for me.
I agree that fundamentalism is not the way to go. It certainly is not for me. That was one of the reasons that I decided not to go to A.A. I am not in any way against A.A but I didn’t want to have to live by A.A guidelines, the big book, the meetings, and basically having A.A as my whole new life.
I think that being open to religion and spirituality is essential to sobriety. I can see how being too rigid with your beliefs can lead to disaster, especially when the going gets tough.
I do, however, feel that you need to have some concrete beliefs by which to live your life, other wise life becomes far too difficult. When I look around me at those who have all round success, they are for the most part, believers. For many reasons, I think it is simpler and easier to believe than not to believe. That may sound naïve but I don’t think I have the space to explain in full!
Personally, I like to stay open to new ideas and get creative in recovery.
Thanks for a very thought provoking post Patrick.
Wonderful article, as usual!
I don’t do “supposed to” very well. I have been sober a number of years in AA and am one of the people in the meetings I attend who is a pain in the backside pointing out that “going back to Church” or “reading the Bible again” are not necessarily a standard part of 12 step recovery, if it floats your boat fine, but don’t say it in a way that implies your personal superiority in recovery for doing so. It isn’t a requirement in AA or for spiritual growth.
I hit a brick wall at 10 years sober when I finally had to admit I would never believe as my very Christian parents do, and most likely would never join a Christian Church. I had always imagined I would have to do that one day and was just putting off the inevitable. I simply had to come to terms with my own beliefs and accept them and use them along my path of sobriety. I had so much ingrained fear to overcome, decades of being told I would burn in hell forever for the slightest variance in thought or action. I could not have continued to live without getting through that. I have a very bad problem with religion currently, it is difficult for me to even tolerate it, I see it as simply a very negative political control mechanism and not to be trusted. I fight to see some religious bodies as positive, though I know they exist. This is my current walk through fire toward balance. But it is better than my past fear. I recently had a lot going on in my life including my father and husband being ill and me having outpatient surgery. An extremely religious older lady in the fellowship called me to see how things were going and asked if I would pray with her on the phone, I politely declined because it would not have been in line with being true to myself to do so, of course it wasn’t long before she was also touting some right wing political beliefs expecting me to agree with her and I said I did not and managed to get off the phone. Here in the Bible Belt prayer and politics carry certain expectations of hand-in-hand conformity which I do not adhere to and am not afraid to politely let you know.
In AA I spotted the program fundamentalists right away, they scared me to death. They are about control, nothing more. They are imbedded in fear and a sense of control over others lessens that temporarily, that’s my take anyway. There are people in AA, as in society, who relish giving their entire mind over to others to control, they just don’t want the responsibility of making decisions even with the gentle guidance of others. They want all decisions made for them and to be able to spew off fancy-sounding sponsor lineage like Thoroughbred horse owners before the Kentucky Derby. I guess it gives them a sense of being on the right path without having to do the work or face the pain of being true to oneself. I once sponsored a woman who kept talking about a group of people in AA who told her they knew how to do a special 4th step that would solve all her problems and she would never feel bad again, but one of their group of special drunks would have to sponsor her before they would instruct her in this special knowledge. I told her there was no such secret, that she would never solve all her current and future problems and emotions with just one inventory, she just had to slog on through recovery day by day like everyone else. It wasn’t long before she stopped calling me and was taking instruction from this special, (often abusive, from my observation) group. People will take abuse when they feel they deserve it through lack of emotional balance, or they think it makes them better and special with bragging rights in meetings about their “sponsor telling them like it is” (code for treating them like dirt). I don’t respond well to being treated like garbage, so I have always told myself I would leave AA if it ever looked like I would have to accept that kind of treatment in my life to be a part of it. Luckily after 17 years I am still able to stay. But this kind of cult AA is dangerous and in my opinion inhibits growth. I can think of many many people who have gotten drunk because choosing to let others run their lives seemed the easier and more popular thing to do.
Better face who we are and acknowledge our real problems and truths on a daily basis. I knew a wise old woman who was 30 years sober who said to put “God” and yourself at the top of any initial 4th step. We have to look at these issues, and it isn’t always “the easier softer way” to be true to oneself.
Hi Patrick,
This is an interesting topic especially in AA. I was raised Catholic but as early as age 10 I started to feel it was a nice baseline for good acts and behavior and less something in my soul. I can only say I feel connected to buddhism but I am not a “buddhist”.
This does help my sobriety because I need to love myself and all others and drinking is bad karma for me and all those I love.
So again I use it as a baseline for good behavior coupled with my own inner instincts. Everyone knows deep inside what is right and wrong..they don’t have to have a religion to live a good life.
If they are devout, I am happy for them but it is not right for me.
Kelly