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The author of this website is currently looking for other writers in recovery to network with.
If you have any questions about addiction or recovery, or if you would like to write a guest post (or have me guest post on your website), please email me at:
patrick.meninga@gmail.com
I will usually respond within 24 hours.
You can check out my full story right here, if you’d like.
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I am a recovering addict and alcoholic….2 1/2 years clean and sober. I just wanted to say that I enjoy your website and i have passed it on to several people in my home group. If there’s anything I can do to help you, please just let me know.
Hope to see more blogs like yours in blogging world in future
Finally, a resource that doesn’t just repeat the Big Book. 353 days sober so far and I will use your website and pass it along to others that it will help. Thank you.
Hi, your story is very inspirying!I went to a rehab Dec31st 2007 and have been clean untik the same date 2008 I had a friend stay with me who is dying of aids{not his fault} but we were in the part together! I is a long story bottom line he told my family,which really all I have is my brother who pd.$ for rehab and he was kind but extremly disappointed! I am at a loss I told my brother the truth, but he has zero tolerance and was so proud of me! I don’t know If I should tell the rest of my family which I am sure they know>I have since the two days tlked to my sponsor and been to meetings.My problem was boyh wine and pain meds. I had a car wreck and major radical back sur. I could care less about drinking but he does not understnd the pain and th Dr.s know about the addiction and try everything non- narcotic – but it doen’t even put a dent in my pain, Please help me make my brother understand relapse and what do I do with so much pain. Thank You Barbara
My boyfriend of many years has struggled with serious drug addiction and I’ve witnessed the pattern over and over. Right now I am watching him take that destructive path and I’m feeling so helpless. Even though his behaviors have been destructive to my life as well, I still just want him to be healthy and happy. He’s slipping away from me again and I feel so devastated. I know that he will end up back in jail again or maybe dead. Loving someone who is drug addicted is the worst thing in the world, I believe. I want to save him but I’m afraid I can’t. I need help. Any suggestions? Pat from NJ
Hi Pat F.
The first thing I would suggest you to do is to get to an Al-Anon meeting in your area, those people will be able to help you much more than any website.
Other than that, I would suggest reading the article on this website about how to help an addict.
Remember that you ultimately can not change your boyfriends behavior, all you can really do is set limits and boundaries and communicate those to him. Let him know what is acceptable and what isn’t in your relationship. You have to decide for yourself how long you can keep going like this if he refuses to get help. I wish I had more wisdom than that for you but their is not magic bullet for your situation….good luck and God bless you.
Having just come from the Al-Anon convention in my state(Connecticut), I was thrilled to read your suggestion to Pat F to attend Al-Anon. I have been a member for 31 yrs and am also an adult child of an alcoholic father who got sober via AA when I was in college and stayed sober until he died at age 77 in 1992. I quit drinking myself 16 years ago after my husband who had been sober for 9 years went back out due to a new addiction- gambling. My 15 yr old son was bothered by my occasional drinking and at that point I had to ask myself the ? why I was still drinking as I knew I was at risk for the disease. Today I am doing service at the District level as the Al-Anon Public Outreach Co-ordinator and try to carry the message that there is still hope and happiness for us thru our own spiritual recovery, whether our family member is still drinking or not. I was on line looking up a definition of spiritual action when I came upon your website. “There are no coincidences” are there. God bless you in your recovery and your spiritual action of helping others. Pat R
Wow, thanks so much for your comments there Pat R., sounds like you are making a huge impact on people’s lives with your service work! That is awesome, keep up the good work and thank you for stopping by. God bless…
Could you sent me information on and about AA and NA plus addiction ?
Congratulations on the new e-book, Patrick! And what a good thing to do for your readers! An ebook can help to carry the benefit of your first-hand experience to more people, so more people can learn to change their lives and/or help their loved ones to do it.
Patrick: I am a Life Transformation Coach who has an intimate knowledge of addictions. Recovery since 1994.
Look at http://www.hopeserenity.ca I need some help with the writing!
luv
Keith
First Steps-Do You Remember?
My parents and family have told me about my first steps. I certainly don’t remember them, but I am told I was an “early” walker.
Seems I was early at trying a lot of things-booze, girls, dope, motorcycles, lying, stealing, cheating! I was not early getting into a journey of recovery.
In many of my vices, I remember those first steps so well!
The first step on my journey to recovery I remember oh so well. The woman I loved announced she was leaving me, and in fact did so. This wasn’t the first step yet, but it sent me plummeting to a new bottom, a lower point in life than I’d ever been at.
I still had a house, still had cars, still had a job, still had some money, but had lost the person I cared most about. I went out of control emotionally. We sought a marriage coach because we loved each other, and it was this coach who led me to an addictions coach/mentor who got me to take that first step in the journey of recovery!!
Man, I remember that time in my life vividly!!
With a lot of help from others, I was introduced to a program of recovery, and worked with many others to take that first step; one of 12.
The first step told me that a group of people who had recovered, and many of whom were seemingly beyond help, had admitted that they were powerless over their addiction/or an addicted person, and their lives had become unmanageable.
Here I was a big shot in my own mind, seemingly reasonably successful to the outside world, all of the trappings. Me powerless? Me, the great manager, fixer, and controller of all around me, powerless?? My ego said no way, yet the small quiet voice said “Keith, it’s true, own it and move forward”.
That first step was real tough. Today I am properly proud that I had the courage to take the step, and follow the steps that gave me a spiritual awakening, a new purpose to life, and began a life long journey of loving life with no particular destination. As I’ve been taught, I’m trudging the road of happy destiny.
I’ve seen much discussion on the concept of powerlessness. Some say we are never powerless, and I can accept some of that logic. I have always had the power to make choices. When I made choices to take part in or use my mood altering “friends”, I was powerless over outcomes once I started. I had so many feelings stuffed inside of me that caused pain. I had no idea of how to identify these feelings and deal with them in a healthy way. My addictions were a temporary medication for the “soul” pain I felt, and at that first step, I was spiritually empty!
Unmanageable? Again, the outside world would look and think I had my “poop” together.
Few knew of the places I went late at night or the risks I took. I would hide my “dark side” and other life from people I knew. The love of my life was gone. I was crying a lot. My kids supported me the best they could, but were very concerned about my mental state and telling me I needed help. My good and loyal dog distanced himself from me (surprising how perceptive pets can be), I drove under the influence, people were pulling away from me, I suffered scrapes and bruises when I bumped into things; and more.
Unmanageable? My life?
In that first step, I remember accepting and then surrendering to the reality of the situation. It was humiliating and humbling, but the relief I got from that first step was indescribable. I didn’t have to lie and hide any more. Those who were coaching me and who had something I wanted told me that things would be OK, and that gave me hope!
I look back and remember each of my children, and now grand children, taking that first step. A little afraid, wobbly and uncertain, but knowing it was the time to do it and that they would be OK. Their first steps allowed them to explore a world bigger than anything they knew existed, and started them on a journey!
My first step in recovery began me on a journey to a life that I had not known as an adult, and I continue to walk this journey with determination, and humbled by the gifts of hope and serenity that I experience on a daily basis.
Is there a first step in an area of your life you need to take? I’m here to share and help.
Do You Ever Feel Alone? (Even in a crowd)
I am going to get back to the journey’s footprints soon; I’ve got to review the things done to free me from the past.
With a couple of things that happened during my Wednesday, it was great to feel comfortable in my own skin, and great to know I’m no longer alone.
Early this morning, I headed the car north east. The sun was just coming up and I was thrilled to experience the joy of a new day. I was in the car alone, and just enjoyed the ride. No radio or tapes to occupy my mind. This is something I could not have done before the journey to a new life began. My mind was occupied enough just “being”, enjoying what I was experiencing, and feeling that connected feeling inside. I wasn’t alone.
Just about a year ago now, my life took a huge bump that was totally unexpected, and extremely hard to deal with. Even in the new life I’ve chosen, there are some strange and twisted curves. I know that my higher power never gives me more than I can handle if I listen to the quiet voice inside. As dark turned to light, I knew I wasn’t alone. I was ready to hold my head high and face things.
Wednesday evening, I attended a meeting which was the last official function I had overseen a year ago. I was almost terrified to go because there was a piece of “hurt” that I would be facing. But go I did. I had always accepted honestly within me what had happened; I had made an error, but an error without dishonesty on my part. It was a real reminder that I am capable of bad judgment if I don’t trust instincts and I allow myself to be deceived. I had conscious contact during the entire meeting, got a good lesson in right sizing again, and was able to feel very good about the positives that had happened outside of the specific event failure. I also got to say a sincere thank you to some people that circumstances had not let me see in a year! My terror at being there was totally unjustified, and I was not alone at all.
I remember, from something I heard at another function Wednesday evening, the times I would be at work gatherings, social events and the like, and feel alone. Mood altering substances were my answer to fitting in. I never felt that I belonged or was anyone’s “best” friend, and extended time alone was agony. I was often alone amongst people. I know many have felt this way and if they’re honest, can easily relate. Are you one of them?
As noted, today I am no longer alone, even if there is no other human around. I’ve got a “me” whose company I enjoy, and in quiet moments, if I stay out of my way and allow myself to see, hear and feel, there is a spirit within me, and all that is around me, that gives me comfort, and for that I am grateful.
Do you ever feel alone, even when there are others around? I work with clients to help them find an abundant space in which they experience hope and serenity, and are never alone!
Thanks Ralph for your thoughts that triggered this.
I need help for my son. He was an A student in high school. During his first year at Univ.of MI, he turned into someone I don’t know or understand. He dropped out of school his spring sophomore semester and drove out west. In April he rolled his car and almost killed himself. The police officer didn’t give him a DUI, I thought this was a blessing, now I think it was a curse. He is now living at home. He puts on a good front for everyone, but I, his mother, know better. I cannot talk to him. I arranged for a therapist for him. I thought it was helping for a while. He is so talented, bright and could do anything with his life, yet he chooses unhealthy friends and destructive behavior over family and his bright future. What can I do? I am watching him destroy himself. I am sleepless with worry.
I am interested in connecting with counselors/facilities who utilize a wholistic approach to treating addictions…nutrition, exercise, counseling, relaxation…are you aware of any in Floriday…preferably Central Florida? If not are there listings nation wide that use this approach?
M Morgan
Hi Patrick, your site is intrigueing and I wonder if you have ever advised on non-substance addiction. I am a sex addict who has benefitted from the 12 step approach but find that it is not the whole story. As I sponsor others I am always interested in new techniques which could help myself and of course others in recovery.
Hi there Sheree
I have never considered the application of the creative theory of recovery to other addictions such as sex or gambling, but I would imagine that the same principles would apply.
I still believe that the 12 steps are a valid path and an excellent tool, but as you say, they are not the whole story. There is growth to be had beyond the 12 step model.
Good luck to you Sheree, and thanks for your comment.
Using a Life Coach for Addiction Recovery
A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and deadline behind it.
As I went through a major process to determine what I wanted to focus on for the rest of my life, the answer finally came to me:
Helping others.
Specifically, coaching them to success.
I went through a very thorough educational process to become certified as a LIFE Coach. It was strongly suggested that I have a coaching niche. While I am currently coaching people in goal setting, life accomplishments, and general growth and development, my chosen niche is working with people impacted by addictions….not as a councillor or therapist, but as a coach. “Hope & Serenity” describes my niche practice.
I have a very unique background that made me gravitate to this area. Currently, I am involved with the 12 step program of AA and very active in service work. That being said, I have also hired and still use coaches in my journey today.
Coaching works. I have seen this to be true over and over again in my life.
Why? I thank my friend Patrick Meninga from the Spiritual River for his input to this blog.
A life coach can help you break free from the strong hold addiction has over you. No longer will you feel compelled to use drugs or alcohol to overcome issues in your life. Sometimes, especially in early recovery, we can become our own worst enemy. A life coach can help you learn how to hold yourself accountable, as well as to help motivate you to pursue goals that you otherwise might have thought unimportant to your recovery.
How is a Life Coach Different from a Sponsor?
The biggest difference is that a sponsor helps you from their perspective, based on their background, whereas a life coach helps you from your perspective and your background. The emphasis shifts from “how can I help the addict work the program” to “how can we customize this program to best fit the needs of this individual?” Thus, life coaching can potentially be a much more powerful and flexible approach to recovery.
Sometimes a sponsor in recovery tries to make a square peg go into a round hole, if you know what I mean. They try to mould their sponsee to fit the program. If the sponsee fails and ends up relapsing, they don’t blame the program or the rigid style of sponsorship….instead they blame the individual! This crazy approach plays itself out over and over again in recovery programs throughout the world.
With a life coach, the situation is reversed. Instead of trying to fit the square sponsee into the round program, a good life coach will guide the recovering addict through a custom program that works for them; that is tailor made to their unique situation and personality. In other words, the life coach changes the shape of the hole, not the shape of the recovering addict!
For example, some recovering addicts excel in a group setting, and they thrive on AA meetings. But there are also some recovering addicts who are leery of sharing in front of groups, and prefer a one-on-one setting. A life coach can meet this need with grace and flexibility. The typical sponsor will just keep banging away though, trying to fit this poor square addict into the round hole of traditional recovery.
It is in this way that life coaching can go beyond traditional methods of sponsorship, unlocking the full potential of the individual through skilful coaching and program customization.
Beginning Your Addiction Recovery
A Life Coach can help you through the entire recovery process of your addiction. Once you decide you are ready to get help with your addiction, you can employ a Life Coach to help you stay motivated through your recovery. Trained life coaches will use the same principles of 12 step programs, and will have first hand experience with recovery. They will listen to you, and if you require, work with you in 100% privacy and confidentiality. Many people want to begin recovery in total privacy.
Physical dependence
In the beginning, your life coach can help you find treatment centers so you can get over the physical dependence you have on the substances. Not everyone needs a treatment center to get over an addiction but it is an effective way to receive the medical supervision while your body goes through withdrawal. Your coach can discuss treatment options.
Emotional dependence
Treatment centers will also provide support to you through your emotional dependence to these substances. Usually people use substances because situations in their life cause them to use substances to help them through problems. Once you are not physically dependent on the drugs and alcohol you can start attacking the other reasons for your cravings. Coaching will focus on you and finding and harnessing your strengths (not unlike coaching an athlete).
Hope & Serenity has associations with health care professionals and treatment facilities.
Life Coaching after Treatment
After you complete a treatment center or you have successfully withdrawn from the substances, your recovery is just beginning. You will need to continue to work towards not using substances in your life especially when life doesn’t go the way you would like it to. This is when a life coach can help prevent you from relapsing. Relapse means you go back to using your drug of choice whether it is one time or more than once.
Your life coach will help you find ways to de-stress your life and maintain balance each day so you don’t get overwhelmed to the point in which you feel you need to “use” to find relief. Your life coach will check in with you as often as you need through phone, e-mail or in person. This means that your life coach will be on top of how you are feeling and if you are experiencing any triggers for your substance use.
Many life coaches will allow you to call him or her any time of day or night just like a sponsor. You can call your life coach if you are craving. You can talk about how you are feeling and your life coach can work through it with you. Your life coach will keep you focused on your personal goals for your life.
Conclusion
The most important thing to keep in mind is that with a life coach you will not be alone in the process of recovery. You will have an experienced and trained coach on YOUR team. Family and friends can be excellent support systems for you but a life coach can give you an unbiased view. Your life coach will never judge you and will LISTEN TO what YOU are thinking and feeling with an open mind. Don’t go through addiction recovery on your own, a life coach can help you get through this difficult time in your life.
Your Life Coach will help you to build a game plan for life through goal setting, hold you accountable, and harness your own strengths to succeed in life.
Hope & Serenity is a coaching service focus on addiction recovery and is on the web at http://www.hopeserenity.ca.
We believe in a holistic, balanced approach to the journey of recovery.
In a world full of changes, it is nice to know that in my inbox everyday I will find the Spiritual River filled with wisdom and inspiration. Keep it up Patrick and thanks for all you do…
Redefining Work
More support for “The Creative Theory of Recovery”
I’ve been privileged to walk this earth for a while, do some great things, travel and work with interesting and progressive people. I’ve also seen far too many talented people what I would call “under achieve their hopes and dreams” because they don’t know how to make it happen.
I have been on a journey of life recovery for many years, and a part of getting an abundant life is living with out addictive substances and behaviours that took joy away. I am grateful for the positive journey I’ve been allowed to experience, but I’ve worked hard at it and had a ton of help.
In the area of addictions, less than 5% of those who go to a 12 step meeting or rehab centre put together 5 years free of their addiction of choice. This is scary and I’ve watched it first hand.
I think the same type of statistics is true for non-addictive people also. Few achieve the life they dream of over the long haul. Think about your life and the lives of people you know well.
I have studied a large group of people who have made positive changes in their lives, and maintained the positive direction over a long period of time.
Earlier I mentioned “WORK” and thought the thoughts I received from Hazelden were really worth sharing, and relevant to my current project.
“Without work all life goes rotten.
– Albert Camus
Most would not think of work as a prize. That is often due to the concept we have of work.
Work can be that of an artist, the work of creation. Such work is not the response to a whistle or the boring activity that follows a punched time card. Creative work is the fullest human expression of being alive. It comes from the inside out and has no boss other than an inner demand to create a thing of beauty that previously did not exist.
The primary task of human beings is to creatively work at making our lives a remarkable thing of beauty. Whether we be butcher, baker, or candlestick maker there is always the opportunity to make a truly creative effort of a life’s work by pounding out our dents and polishing that which is already beautiful. When we understand that life is the medium and we are the canvas, our efforts to improve become an exciting challenge rather than a boring task.”
Together with a brilliant man by the name of Patrick Meninga (www.spiritualriver.com) who has developed the term, written extensively about it and much more, I believe when fully put into practise “THE CREATIVE THEORY of LIFE RECOVERY’ is something that will harness creative work, and improve the statistics noted earlier.
It is my intention to incorporate this expansive thinking into action through coaching. Any and all that read this and have an interest are invited to go to http://www.hopeserenity.ca and share their thinking on what leads to life recovery long term.
i notice the cover on you book and you seen to be in a robe-i am headed to deer park monastery in ca–vitnames teache TNH ? does this ring a bell
I am not a real monk, Tom. I don’t even have a robe, to be honest. But I would like to think I am on a spiritual path regardless, and that’s why I drew that little guy on my computer.
Peace and blessings to you, Tom!
Tonight, I HEARD A MIRACLE!
I’m very fortunate, the things I’m involved in and the new life I’ve been given allow me to be positive about life most of the time. I also have a sense of realism. I have had the good fortune to see tremendous growth in the lives of others on a frequent basis and in nearly every aspect of life; jobs, careers, family, spirituality, motivation, success and more.
There are some that realism tells me, just can’t get it despite the best efforts of “others”. Some of these people die, some just get continuously more miserable.
Tonight, I heard a miracle.
One of the people I care deeply about in my life gave me a call as is his habit. We had driven to an event together yesterday morning, and much about the season and living had been said in the car and at the meeting. The person I drove home had become deeply reflective over the course of the meeting. This was a man I really wondered about. A man who I thought maybe one of those “less fortunate’s” when it came to dealing with HIS living issues.
I was out Saturday night and wasn’t here to take his call. I did notice something different in the voice I heard on the message he left on my machine.
Tonight we talked. A light has come on with my “friend”, he heard and listened intently to a voice inside of him, and understood what the voice has been telling him. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED ANYMORE. JUST SURRENDER. The exact message I had got some fourteen plus years ago. I had listened intently to the same message and received a dose of n hope for the first time in years. I related to what my “friend” said; I have had the same experience. I pray that the change stays within him.
This holiday season, even though “the feeling” is new, I know he will experience the best Christmas he has had in many. He will be able to just “BE” for himself and his family. There will be a lot less that he will have to control and prove. I say tongue in cheek; he may stay out of his own way and enjoy what the “spirit” of the season is. He certainly, on an intellectual basis, has the tools. I think a spiritual side may have just kicked in! A miracle after knowing this fellow for many years. Let us all hope that my “friend”, and others just like him, who have experienced a “moment of clarity” right before the holidays, carry it with them throughout. They will have a positive impact on many around them.
Its funny, hearing that a new light has come on within my friend uplifts my soul in a powerful way. Seeing him and his family truly enjoy the “Spirit” of the season, without my friend sabotaging it, will be a great gift. What I heard tonight is truly a miracle, and we are pledged to work forward based on the foundation this moment of clarity has created. Tonight, I loved hearing this miracle.
My friend will now start a co-creative process of life recovery. I am thrilled to be an invited part of his journey. To be able to be a co-creative with him and others is what my personal mission is all about. Help others start on this journey. Assistance is available to those who visit http://www.creativeliferecovery.com and reach out. More miracles can start in 2008!!
I am truly blessed to have heard this miracle!
SLIP SLIDING AWAY
There was a great old song by the name Slip Sliding Away. I really don’t know why this ran through my head, maybe because of some of the day’s issues.
I am in a 12 Step program, have working relationships with a couple of rehab centers, am a partner in coaching with a recovered alcoholic/ addict, prolific young writer who works at a treatment facility and I work with “others” on a daily basis-both in person and on line.
Over 95% of people who start on an addiction recovery journey DON’T make it. I am told we should focus on those who do, and being one of them, I appreciate the miracle they are. I would guess that nearly the same % of “normies” who attempt major life changes do not make it.
It keeps Slip Sliding Away.
My life’s purpose is to do anything I can to help a higher % of people to recover. My mission is to coach recovery one person at a time. How? The Co-Creative Purpose of Life Recovery. Blogging is a tool I use in my own recovery, and hopefully, my blogs help one or two. If not, they are helping me.
Relapse or failure to recover is a planned activity; it is a conscious choice people make. They fight recovery tooth and nail, cry out for help and want others to fix them! They are generally not prepared to go to ANY length and do the hard work that is needed to recover. They want what recovered people have, yet believe that they are “unique” and can do it their way.
I’ve buried too many of these people. Bright people with a lot to offer the world, but people who offer themselves and the ones they are closest to very little. Harsh, but in my experience, true. The best place for them to find sympathy is in Webster’s, between s**t and syphilis. Sympathy is there 24/7. Want recovery; be prepared for the truth, not what you want to hear and how you want to hear it!! Death is forever, recovery is for today.
Those who need major life change have let the pendulum swing way out to an extreme. Hallmarks are selfishness, apparently big ego, and low self-esteem and so on. Funny, the consistent in recovering life is selfishness. To get it, you must be prepared to let the pendulum swing to the other extreme, and learn how to love you selfishly for you. Early recovery or change means doing almost the exact opposite to what you have been doing, and that goes against the grain.
Gradually, with a holistic approach to life and recovery, with a lot of learned behavior, with a psychic change, life moves into a range with the middle as a norm. You will no longer be the center of your universe.
There is tons of help available, and there is no “one” way to make change and recover. If what you are doing isn’t working, do something different. This isn’t rocket science. Got medical issues, go get “professional” help, don’t ask an unqualified person in recovery. Would you let a person in recovery who is not a dentist fix your teeth? Even with people in recovery, take a hard look at the length and quality of the recovery of the people who are giving you advice. People new to recovery can give support and share personal life experiences, but it is hard to give advice on issues you haven’t dealt with. It is always fun to hear a newcomer give advice on, say, step 10. Lots of help around, lots of support, but get advice from those qualified to give it! Lets all work to move the success % upward.
Well I really liked the song Slip Sliding Away; I hate to see it happen to people who are trying to recover a new and better life. There are certain things that are within my power that may make a difference, and it is my mission to use the talents, training and experience I have to make a difference, to lessen the Slip Sliding Away.
Want to look at an option with reasonable cost and a money back guarantee, see http://www.creativeliferecovery.com. It’s for those struggling who really want it!
Give yourself and those you care about the best gift you can, a gift that last a lifetime if you chose I; contented recovery. If you REALLY want it and are prepared to be honest and work, you’ll stop the Slip Sliding away and seize it!!
CHRISTMAS FROM THE HEART
Not being a “religious” person, Christmas for me has a slightly different meaning than my “Christian” believer friends. It is a time for family and friends a time for sharing joy, a time to reach out to a few that are less fortunate and share what we have. It is also a time that is more emotionally charged than most periods of the year.
Allow me to wish you “All the Best of the “Spirit” of the Season”, and may the holidays and 2009 see joy grow in your life! Remember, we all need to be grateful for what we DO have.
Over this season, I get reflective, and will begin my annual run through the steps over the holidays. A good way to start a new calendar year! I like them simple, and will blog my simple look at them.
Christmas as a kid was a wondrous time. We had a large family, and all got together. I always felt the love, and remember looking out the attic window of my grand parents house (where we slept on Xmas eve) always watching for Santa, and falling asleep watching.
Memories of the tree, of present’s galore, of feeling safe, and that wondrous gift every year, a new hockey stick from Uncle Bill! Booze was not a part of our family celebrations. It truly was a special time of the year for me!
For a long time this feeling of being safe disappeared. I became an adult in years, but emotional growth lagged behind. The safe feeling was replaced with the challenge of trying to meet expectations; a challenge that for a long time was not met. I could feel empty and alone in a room full of family and friends over the holiday season, and feel depression. I could throw material things out there, but could not simply “BE’ there and enjoy. It was sad, and I know others have the same feeling. I had found my own way to numb the pain inside, at least for a while.
If YOU NEED TO REACH OUT TO SOMEONE OVER THE HOLIDAYS, PARTICULARLY ON CHRISTMAS DAY, CALL 905-477-7972. A friendly voice and “hearing’ ear will be there! Your call will be a welcome present.
Today, Christmas and the holidays are something I enjoy, and just enjoy being a small part of things. I watch the wonderment of our grand children, the bonding of our family and the pleasure all who gather have in the fellowship and spirit of the day. I love the food and the music and the ability to laugh from the heart. I am blessed that by loving myself unconditionally, I can love those around me in the same way.
This joy of the season is a gift that the journey of life recovery has given me; a gift like no other and a gift I love to work with others to receive. It is there for all who want it and are prepared to do the work to get it. This season, in particular, reminds me of that. While I chose to live free of mood altering substances, what I love is the life the process of recovery has rewarded me with.
As a family, we will be spending a lot of time together over the next week. We have visiting to do with the French speaking distant relatives, and I have some “Grampy” activity planned. I will not be at the computer daily, and funny enough, the world will run just fine without me.
I am blessed to be able to share these wanderings with many. Thank you for being here at least in cyber, and may the god of your understanding give you internal hope, serenity, joy and abundance. Enjoy, you deserve it, and feel free to use the phone number!
Ho! Ho! Ho! And my eyes are twinkling!!!!
Finally, a reading that I have to remember that just came in, and will be at the forefront as I go through the season:
. [To] take something from yourself, to give to another, that is humane and gentle and never takes away as much comfort as it brings again.
–Thomas More
We take different kinds of pleasure in giving. Perhaps the purest is the gift to a child so young it doesn’t really know who the gift came from; the pure joy that the teddy bear or pull-toy produces is our regard, unmixed by any expectation of return.
When children get older, we want something back from them: gratitude, respect. The gift is less pure. When lovers exchange gifts, their pleasure is often tinged with anxiety: Did I give more that I got? Did I get more than I gave? Or with power: He’ll always remember where he got that shirt; she owes me something for the fur jacket.
To friends and relations our gifts reflect many things: our appreciation of their lives, our shared memories, our prosperity. We tend to give in a spirit of self-expression.
Perhaps the closest we can come to a pure gift is an anonymous one; a gift of volunteer work, of blood, or a contribution to a charity. Such a gift which can never be acknowledged or returned by those it comforts can heal our spirits when they are wearied by too much ego.
The gift of myself can be a gift to myself.