I am a recovering addict and alcoholic….2 1/2 years clean and sober. I just wanted to say that I enjoy your website and i have passed it on to several people in my home group. If there’s anything I can do to help you, please just let me know.

By John Hamilton on 10.24.07 9:14 pm

Hope to see more blogs like yours in blogging world in future

By tclian on 12.18.07 8:56 pm

Finally, a resource that doesn’t just repeat the Big Book. 353 days sober so far and I will use your website and pass it along to others that it will help. Thank you.

By John M on 01.05.08 9:19 pm

Hi, your story is very inspirying!I went to a rehab Dec31st 2007 and have been clean untik the same date 2008 I had a friend stay with me who is dying of aids{not his fault} but we were in the part together! I is a long story bottom line he told my family,which really all I have is my brother who pd.$ for rehab and he was kind but extremly disappointed! I am at a loss I told my brother the truth, but he has zero tolerance and was so proud of me! I don’t know If I should tell the rest of my family which I am sure they know>I have since the two days tlked to my sponsor and been to meetings.My problem was boyh wine and pain meds. I had a car wreck and major radical back sur. I could care less about drinking but he does not understnd the pain and th Dr.s know about the addiction and try everything non- narcotic - but it doen’t even put a dent in my pain, Please help me make my brother understand relapse and what do I do with so much pain. Thank You Barbara

By Barbara Williams on 01.21.08 10:21 am

My boyfriend of many years has struggled with serious drug addiction and I’ve witnessed the pattern over and over. Right now I am watching him take that destructive path and I’m feeling so helpless. Even though his behaviors have been destructive to my life as well, I still just want him to be healthy and happy. He’s slipping away from me again and I feel so devastated. I know that he will end up back in jail again or maybe dead. Loving someone who is drug addicted is the worst thing in the world, I believe. I want to save him but I’m afraid I can’t. I need help. Any suggestions? Pat from NJ

By Pat Fleming on 03.28.08 4:55 pm

Hi Pat F.

The first thing I would suggest you to do is to get to an Al-Anon meeting in your area, those people will be able to help you much more than any website.

Other than that, I would suggest reading the article on this website about how to help an addict.

Remember that you ultimately can not change your boyfriends behavior, all you can really do is set limits and boundaries and communicate those to him. Let him know what is acceptable and what isn’t in your relationship. You have to decide for yourself how long you can keep going like this if he refuses to get help. I wish I had more wisdom than that for you but their is not magic bullet for your situation….good luck and God bless you.

By Patrick on 03.28.08 5:32 pm

Having just come from the Al-Anon convention in my state(Connecticut), I was thrilled to read your suggestion to Pat F to attend Al-Anon. I have been a member for 31 yrs and am also an adult child of an alcoholic father who got sober via AA when I was in college and stayed sober until he died at age 77 in 1992. I quit drinking myself 16 years ago after my husband who had been sober for 9 years went back out due to a new addiction- gambling. My 15 yr old son was bothered by my occasional drinking and at that point I had to ask myself the ? why I was still drinking as I knew I was at risk for the disease. Today I am doing service at the District level as the Al-Anon Public Outreach Co-ordinator and try to carry the message that there is still hope and happiness for us thru our own spiritual recovery, whether our family member is still drinking or not. I was on line looking up a definition of spiritual action when I came upon your website. “There are no coincidences” are there. God bless you in your recovery and your spiritual action of helping others. Pat R

By Pat R on 03.30.08 9:37 am

Wow, thanks so much for your comments there Pat R., sounds like you are making a huge impact on people’s lives with your service work! That is awesome, keep up the good work and thank you for stopping by. God bless…

By Patrick on 03.30.08 10:49 am

Could you sent me information on and about AA and NA plus addiction ?

By melissa grant on 04.21.08 4:41 pm

Congratulations on the new e-book, Patrick! And what a good thing to do for your readers! An ebook can help to carry the benefit of your first-hand experience to more people, so more people can learn to change their lives and/or help their loved ones to do it.

By Jen / domestika on 04.25.08 9:02 am

Patrick: I am a Life Transformation Coach who has an intimate knowledge of addictions. Recovery since 1994.
Look at http://www.hopeserenity.ca I need some help with the writing!
luv
Keith

By keith bray on 05.08.08 11:44 am

First Steps-Do You Remember?

My parents and family have told me about my first steps. I certainly don’t remember them, but I am told I was an “early” walker.
Seems I was early at trying a lot of things-booze, girls, dope, motorcycles, lying, stealing, cheating! I was not early getting into a journey of recovery.
In many of my vices, I remember those first steps so well!
The first step on my journey to recovery I remember oh so well. The woman I loved announced she was leaving me, and in fact did so. This wasn’t the first step yet, but it sent me plummeting to a new bottom, a lower point in life than I’d ever been at.
I still had a house, still had cars, still had a job, still had some money, but had lost the person I cared most about. I went out of control emotionally. We sought a marriage coach because we loved each other, and it was this coach who led me to an addictions coach/mentor who got me to take that first step in the journey of recovery!!
Man, I remember that time in my life vividly!!
With a lot of help from others, I was introduced to a program of recovery, and worked with many others to take that first step; one of 12.
The first step told me that a group of people who had recovered, and many of whom were seemingly beyond help, had admitted that they were powerless over their addiction/or an addicted person, and their lives had become unmanageable.
Here I was a big shot in my own mind, seemingly reasonably successful to the outside world, all of the trappings. Me powerless? Me, the great manager, fixer, and controller of all around me, powerless?? My ego said no way, yet the small quiet voice said “Keith, it’s true, own it and move forward”.
That first step was real tough. Today I am properly proud that I had the courage to take the step, and follow the steps that gave me a spiritual awakening, a new purpose to life, and began a life long journey of loving life with no particular destination. As I’ve been taught, I’m trudging the road of happy destiny.
I’ve seen much discussion on the concept of powerlessness. Some say we are never powerless, and I can accept some of that logic. I have always had the power to make choices. When I made choices to take part in or use my mood altering “friends”, I was powerless over outcomes once I started. I had so many feelings stuffed inside of me that caused pain. I had no idea of how to identify these feelings and deal with them in a healthy way. My addictions were a temporary medication for the “soul” pain I felt, and at that first step, I was spiritually empty!
Unmanageable? Again, the outside world would look and think I had my “poop” together.
Few knew of the places I went late at night or the risks I took. I would hide my “dark side” and other life from people I knew. The love of my life was gone. I was crying a lot. My kids supported me the best they could, but were very concerned about my mental state and telling me I needed help. My good and loyal dog distanced himself from me (surprising how perceptive pets can be), I drove under the influence, people were pulling away from me, I suffered scrapes and bruises when I bumped into things; and more.
Unmanageable? My life?
In that first step, I remember accepting and then surrendering to the reality of the situation. It was humiliating and humbling, but the relief I got from that first step was indescribable. I didn’t have to lie and hide any more. Those who were coaching me and who had something I wanted told me that things would be OK, and that gave me hope!
I look back and remember each of my children, and now grand children, taking that first step. A little afraid, wobbly and uncertain, but knowing it was the time to do it and that they would be OK. Their first steps allowed them to explore a world bigger than anything they knew existed, and started them on a journey!
My first step in recovery began me on a journey to a life that I had not known as an adult, and I continue to walk this journey with determination, and humbled by the gifts of hope and serenity that I experience on a daily basis.
Is there a first step in an area of your life you need to take? I’m here to share and help.

By keith bray on 06.06.08 6:59 pm

Do You Ever Feel Alone? (Even in a crowd)

I am going to get back to the journey’s footprints soon; I’ve got to review the things done to free me from the past.
With a couple of things that happened during my Wednesday, it was great to feel comfortable in my own skin, and great to know I’m no longer alone.
Early this morning, I headed the car north east. The sun was just coming up and I was thrilled to experience the joy of a new day. I was in the car alone, and just enjoyed the ride. No radio or tapes to occupy my mind. This is something I could not have done before the journey to a new life began. My mind was occupied enough just “being”, enjoying what I was experiencing, and feeling that connected feeling inside. I wasn’t alone.
Just about a year ago now, my life took a huge bump that was totally unexpected, and extremely hard to deal with. Even in the new life I’ve chosen, there are some strange and twisted curves. I know that my higher power never gives me more than I can handle if I listen to the quiet voice inside. As dark turned to light, I knew I wasn’t alone. I was ready to hold my head high and face things.
Wednesday evening, I attended a meeting which was the last official function I had overseen a year ago. I was almost terrified to go because there was a piece of “hurt” that I would be facing. But go I did. I had always accepted honestly within me what had happened; I had made an error, but an error without dishonesty on my part. It was a real reminder that I am capable of bad judgment if I don’t trust instincts and I allow myself to be deceived. I had conscious contact during the entire meeting, got a good lesson in right sizing again, and was able to feel very good about the positives that had happened outside of the specific event failure. I also got to say a sincere thank you to some people that circumstances had not let me see in a year! My terror at being there was totally unjustified, and I was not alone at all.
I remember, from something I heard at another function Wednesday evening, the times I would be at work gatherings, social events and the like, and feel alone. Mood altering substances were my answer to fitting in. I never felt that I belonged or was anyone’s “best” friend, and extended time alone was agony. I was often alone amongst people. I know many have felt this way and if they’re honest, can easily relate. Are you one of them?
As noted, today I am no longer alone, even if there is no other human around. I’ve got a “me” whose company I enjoy, and in quiet moments, if I stay out of my way and allow myself to see, hear and feel, there is a spirit within me, and all that is around me, that gives me comfort, and for that I am grateful.
Do you ever feel alone, even when there are others around? I work with clients to help them find an abundant space in which they experience hope and serenity, and are never alone!
Thanks Ralph for your thoughts that triggered this.

By keith bray on 06.19.08 8:47 am

I need help for my son. He was an A student in high school. During his first year at Univ.of MI, he turned into someone I don’t know or understand. He dropped out of school his spring sophomore semester and drove out west. In April he rolled his car and almost killed himself. The police officer didn’t give him a DUI, I thought this was a blessing, now I think it was a curse. He is now living at home. He puts on a good front for everyone, but I, his mother, know better. I cannot talk to him. I arranged for a therapist for him. I thought it was helping for a while. He is so talented, bright and could do anything with his life, yet he chooses unhealthy friends and destructive behavior over family and his bright future. What can I do? I am watching him destroy himself. I am sleepless with worry.

By Rachel on 07.03.08 9:14 am