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The author of this website is currently looking for other writers in recovery to network with.
If you have any questions about addiction or recovery, or if you would like to write a guest post (or have me guest post on your website), please email me at:
patrick.meninga@gmail.com
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Partick: a question for you and your readers to contemplate!
HOW MUCH DOES LIFE COST?
This question, when I saw it, really peaked my interest.
We live in unusual financial times, and times that to boil things down to their simplest, have been caused by human greed pure and simple. My life has been directly impacted even though I followed what the conservative wise told me to do; but not impacted in as dire a way as many. I think we all have been touched. So, how much does life cost?
“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life, which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
–Henry David Thoreau
Consider the young man who was doing great in his high school studies, then suddenly started to fall behind. One day, a teacher pulled the young man aside and asked him what happened. The student told him that he had asked his father for a car, and the father told him that if he earned the money, he could have one. The student, being industrious and hard working, went out, got a job, saved the money, and bought the car. But then the car needed insurance, gas, and maintenance, so the student kept the job to keep up the car. The job took up more and more of his time, until finally he began to fall behind in his studies.
“Why don’t you just get rid of the car?” asked the teacher.
“Get rid of the car?” came the reply. “How would I get to my job?”
How often we feel that if we just get that new car, that new boyfriend or girlfriend, that promotion, or the condo in the good neighbourhood, we will find happiness and contentment — only to discover that the thing just brings with it more pain, more costs, and more bother than it’s worth. The new sports car runs only half the time, the new partner needs more care than your dog, the promotion eats up your weekends, and the new condo won’t allow pets.
Things don’t bring true happiness. Instead, they often sap your strength and leave you emptier than you were before. Think about the true cost of a thing before you pursue it in time, lifestyle changes, energy, maintenance and money. Can you really afford the amount of life that the thing will take from you in return for the happiness it brings? Are you willing to pay the price?
God, help me be aware of the true cost of the things in my life.”
I have been on a journey of life recovery for many years. When I started, I had no real concept of what it cost me to lose my self-respect and hit my low point. With a journey that includes much reflection, I am staggered by the costs- and costs more valuable than just money- that were incurred.
I see it in relationships, particularly with my children. I see it in things I should have accomplished but didn’t, and of course being a person who lived high for the day and with grandiosity, I see it in my financial situation. Don’t get me wrong, I see it, accept it, and do the best I can do in the day and do not regret my past. I have a better idea of what life cost me by appreciating and being grateful for the chances afforded me and the things that happened that allowed me to positively accept those chances. Man, to get to where I am it cost a lot!
Do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to reflect today on how much life has cost you. If you’ve had an awakening and have things going the right way, congratulations and share your “hows” with others. If you don’t like the answers you are getting, and you continue to pay a price that is too high, feel free to get in touch with me at khbray@hopeserenity.ca. Perhaps my experience can help point you on a new path.
10:16:16 by KeithB
SERENITY-TODAY
Thought to Ponder . . .Serenity isn’t freedom from the storm; it is peace within the storm.
A quiet gray, misty and peaceful morning in Lindsay, Ontario located in the Kawartha Lakes region of southern Ontario. My wife has been in Quebec the last couple of days to be with a sister she is very close with and who had a spinal tap last Friday. My wife’s first language is French, and she has a freedom to speak it with her family when the millstone of her unilingual husband is not present! I accepted the need for her to periodically immerse in Quebecois culture years ago.
Several years ago I would have gone out of my mind spending large quantities of time alone. I would have acted out, gone to places that were not healthy for me or sought company in other ways because I had no serenity, no peace within and hated extended periods of my own company.
Through a series of “coincidences”, a lot of hard work, harnessing the expertise of others and a sincere desire to find and enjoy on expanding basis serenity and peace within, to a certain level, I now enjoy my time alone with me and my higher power. Co-Creatively (because others, including my Higher Power worked with me) I have undergone a process that has given me a more abundant life than I ever dreamed of and a real gift. Serenity is a gift, and gift I am grateful for on a daily basis.
Many I run into have racing minds that they can’t shut down, a constant theatre going on in their heads. They tell me oft times this movie runs all night and they awake in an agitated step. Blackberries and cell phones are with them the proverbial 24/7 (they must be crucial to the world’s functioning) and they have forgotten how to relax. Many today likely can’t spell the word serenity, let alone experience it. I watch them wear down and remember when I was living the same way. Do minds wear out?
It is truly a blessing to feel serenity in the moment right now, in the day and in nearly every day. I can now meditate properly because my mind is not running rampant 24/7, I appreciate meditation is not just reading something from a meditation or reflections book but being able to stop and take the time to focus on the meaning and impact of what I’ve read; in periods of high stress and personal turbulence, with conscious recognition of where my mind is going, I can shut it down and visually take myself to a place of peace if only for a moment. Most importantly, through the process, I have the ability to just “be” there for others and as importantly, for myself. At this moment I am serene and grateful for it!
I was searching for the spark of hope in my life, and to find increasing levels of serenity on a daily basis. I wanted out of the express lane of life because the price was too high and I was going to die young and lonely. What I call and coach today the “Creative Process of Life Recovery” has brought me to a place where I can truly enjoy the peace found within a quiet, gray misty morning. It is a gift I worked hard to get, and get great joy working with others to see them find as meaningful place in their lives. If you are interested in exploring this further, I can be reached at khbray@hopeserenity.ca. To all, may you find at least a moment of true serenity in your life today!
Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of serenity.
- As Bill Sees It, p. 173
Thought to Ponder . . .Serenity isn’t freedom from the storm; it is peace within the storm.
Hi,
Newly sober again… sober 3 years and relapsed for 7. Feeling lost, alone, sad, afraid, angry, hurt, scared, scarred, defective, yet, some moments hopeful. Thanks for the nice blog to give me some hope.
hallo,very inspiering website,i couldn’t find anything motivating like this in german.you are creating and helping others.I hope i can apply it to my life.
I’d love to have a pen pal minimally to communicate about alcohol. I am 39. I did not try a drink until 23. I very rarely drank until about 2 years ago. I got into a hobby where people seem to be drinking a lot and hopped aboard…
Now I find myself stocking my cupboards with fine rum and whiskey! I hate it. I drink it. I hate myself in the morning. I never imagined I would worry about drinking too much, but here I am. I can usually stop for 5 or 6 days then I come up with a reason for “a drink” which turns into a 3 to 6 day binge.
I hope you are well. Was looking for info on how to help my 30 year old alcoholic son, who is in denial. Your site has given my family some help with strategies to do this. We are at the very beginning. Today my son has no job, home, car, food and has not seen his child for four months. It made me very sad to see him. I want my boy back. I told him I could only help with the rehab part. He said thanks but no problem. I wish you peace and happiness.
i have currently been off of hydrocodone for a full month now, from aug 7th to sept 9th, i feel great and have went through all withdrawls, at first they are hard but keep your mind in the right place and all will be good, i have two children and when they notice somthing is wrong with you and all the meds you are taking you seriously have a problem, i am keeping my head above water and enjoying life at its fullest ,for all that has a problem think about all you have in life and ask yorself is it worth losing over a STUPID med that doctors dont mind giving you for the simple pains you have and then you become dependant apon them……..KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER IT WILL GET BETTER….DO NOT TAKE TYLENOL it seems to make you want the hydrocodone i take ibprofen for all my pains now…….tramadol is addictive also BE CAREFUL TAKING IT TOO.GOOD LUCK TO ALL WHO IS GETTING OFF OF THE DRUGS
Hi there Christy, and thank you for your input on getting off the opiate pills. Sounds like you have had some ups and downs but have finally found a path that works for you. Interesting point too about the Tylenol making you crave the drug, I will be sure to watch out for that idea when talking with others, including at the rehab where I work. Thanks for your comment.
Just starting my new life of sobriety and love to hear others success and input. I am 37 yrs old and have been abusing alcohol for the past 23 years. Any advice would be appreciated.
Hi Patrick,
Just wanted to give you the address of my new web site, and the start of my private practice in cheshire, Connecticut. The group practice is called Creative Counseling Center. Note the “Creative “part. I am sharing space with Healthstyle, which is a wellness and fitness practice. this fits like a glove into the “holistic” model, and hopefully will get my patients up and working out. I thank you again for all of your knowlege and ideas about recovery in general and your recovery experiences. Hope you can check out my web site and tell me what you think. (it is a work in progress of course)
Dear patrick, i think this is great web site and i wish you lots of luck! Here is my problem i have a 21 year old daughter hooked on heroin iv and what ever other drugs she can get. I know she has shared needles she prostitutes she lives with pimps, streets, she is a mess it’s killing me. One time i found her i didn’t know it was her she was so thin and sick looking by the grace of god she came with me to get help. But in detox 4 days latter she split and went back to the streets i died inside again. I went looking for her once again she cursed and ran all i wanted to do is to tell her we are here if your ready to try again. She has been on the streets for 5 months weighs 80lbs has had 3 abscesses , collapsed veins, has accidental overdosed she speaks with no one in the family don’t know if she’s alive or dead? This makes me so sick and undefeated!!!!!! They say you have to hit rock bottom my gosh if this isn’t rock bottom i guess it would be her death? I am so lost i went to a few meetings they are so so i am so sad!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent
Hang in there Michelle….prayers for your daughter, sounds like she needs a miracle. They do happen so don’t lose hope….
Dear Patrick: I have a 24 year old niece that is ruining her life and her parents by abusing alcohol, cocaine and presciption drugs. She is a college graduate, has a good job for now (she was suspended a while back and this is her last chance). I had not seen her myself for several months until yesterday. I have never been close to her but I still love her because she is my family. Our mother died two years ago and I guess I feel that I need to do something to help my brother and sister-in-law deal with this. My brother is 58, still works and is in pretty good health although he is diabetic; my sister-in-law has had breast cancer and is a survivor (thank God) for 8 years now. I am afraid, though, that this is going to take away their physical and mental health soon if something is not done. As I said above, I saw my niece and I could not believe how she turned on her mother out of the blue because she wouldn’t give her any more money. She had been doing some better and my brother let her have the car back but she was out Sat. night and got stopped for drinking but actually she was not over the limit; they ransacked her purse, car, etc. and wouldn’t let her go on to the house she just recently started renting with two other girls. So, my brother and his wife had to get up at 2:30 in the morning and drive about an hour to where she was or they were going to take her to jail. This kind of behavior has been going on for about 4 months now. There is just too much to tell but she had been staying with a guy that is now in jail for drugs and that is why she wound up back at home for awhile. She has been able to go to work and stay at home until she recently rented the house with the two other girls. She had a bad staph infection a couple of times and some other problems and was prescribed Lortabs. Well, she abuses this along with alcohol, and cocaine so I have been told. I saw her go from calm to mean in matter of minutes. I have had my suspicions that she may even have bipolar disease. I have read somewhere that cocaine and other drugs can in fact trigger chemical imbalances in the brain along with the regular symptoms of drug abuse. Of course, according to her there is nothing wrong with her; it’s everyone else that is wrong. Even when she was suppose to be “normal”, she was never happy or satisfied or something was always wrong. So, after she started with the drugs (she has been drinking since high school but I don’t think it was out of control then), I think something has triggered this type of behavior and I think it is more than the drugs. I have a friend who has a brother that is bipolar and these episodes remind me of him. Also, my son-in-law’s brother became bipolar after he got out of high school and was on medication until he committed suicide at age 38 where they found other drugs besides the normal meds. I just see a pattern here. My niece is a pretty girl for now but it seems she has lost all pride in herself. I don’t know why she wants to live this way and put her parents through this living hell. She does not wear a seat belt and my brother is so afraid to even answer the phone at work or at night. I wish I knew what to say to her that will make a difference. My sister-in-law has told me recently that they don’t know either what to do but I tend to agree with her that she needs to just let her go and do what she wants to do and to leave them alone. They are tired of all of this but they got hopeful when she came home (I think only because the guy went to jail). And, I think she hangs around only to get money from them. Her paycheck goes to direct deposit but something went wrong with that because of some bad checks. She will have another paycheck soon so she might be gone after that. I think my brother was trying to keep her out of jail so she could keep her job. I don’t know the answer and I have tried to get them to go to the local places in town that can help THEM deal with this. I got so upset over this awhile back, I had to distance myself because it was making me sick. I am sorry this is so long. I want to send her the link to this website but I don’t know if I need to at her work place. I did send this to my sister-in-law but I don’t think she read any of it. Of course, everyone that knows has been praying for her. Thanks for reading and for any advice you can give.
Could you please send me information about your program by tomorow I need to find some place that fits my situation. Thank you
I discovered this web sight and it’s giving me hope. Thank You! I am recovering OA and all of the principals of AA and NA transfer, except food is all around and needed in our lives everyday! The traditional program has not been working for me and here Patrick has it all together in Spiritual River, what I have been feeling for years…Back and forth to meetings, I’m thinking, why is this not working? I attracted the unhealthy people on recovery!! OMG…. In many ways the meetings were, are, and can keep me in the addiction….I do not respond well to fear based principles. But I am also not La La La, out there in religious addiction etc…transferring addictions, weather it be sex, drinking, internet, shopping,
I have found a recovery meeting in my ommunity, with what I consider, healthy individuals that are working on a wholistic recovery program…12 steps are great, but not the end all! I have been struggling for 5 years, and thats after 7 years of abstinent eating. I am grateful today.
I now have new eyes to see, and the support needed to be creative! Plus break out of the “If you say anything other than 12 step language, your doomed!” lifestyle. Other OA’ers I would like to hear from, Thank you.
Kathy
Thanks for your comments, Kathy. Sounds like you are doing well on your journey again. God bless….
Patrick
I know I haven’t been in touch but just want you to know that your work is really inspirational. It matters. You’re even seasonal. Thanks so much. Have a lovely holiday. I know I’ll need you at some point and that I know you’re there is deeply comforting x
SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS!?
I sit hear looking over a snow covered field with sun shining on it. A great time for reflection as Christmas day rapidly approaches.
I can’t help but to reflect back on some of those Christmas’ past.
Christmas is and always has been an emotionally charged time of year for me. My recollections of childhood Christmas are positive, it was a day I was able to return to the womb of extended family and it was safe and secure; a time of marvel and honestly, a time of receiving.
As an adult, and with children of my own, things changed. I became a keeper of secrets and a vessel full of emotions that were stuffed inside; I did not want others to see them. I found ways to escape reality and they were not healthy for me or others around me. Christmas was a time of false expectations, of hopes that because they were unrealistic, were not met. A time where the day after was a day of depression and real let down.
So this became Christmas, a time I really did not enjoy. A day that showed me how lacking I was in real emotional bonding.
Christmas Eve was usually a time I stopped at my favourite watering hole under the guise of an auction to help the needy. I gathered with my merry bands that were as emotionally off base as me. We drank, got “merry”, got soppy as the evening progressed, and overdid the charity thing to try to feel better and righteous. Then I would head home.
Of course, on Christmas morning I was not on top of my game, and those who were most important to me felt the effect. Ho! Ho! HO!
Things happened as they had to, and I began the process of co-creative life recovery. As I recovered, Christmas took on a new meaning because of what happened inside of me. It truly has been a miracle!
I am exposed to many people today who talk and show the dread I felt years ago about Christmas. It is emotionally draining for them, they are facing depression caused in part by huge stress and knowing what they really want to happen simply won’t. I have compassion for these folks and can relate to what they are feeling. In my own way and as best I can, I try to give each a gift…….acceptance, love and hope.
For many, this is Christmas, a tough time of the year!
I am so grateful for the miracles I have been blessed with in my life. I am thankful that from somewhere I got the courage to change, reached out, and did the hard and emotionally draining work I had to do. I am looking forward to Christmas day!
There is no doubt that the lead up to Christmas is challenging. Emotions do run higher, there is the activity of purchasing some gifts, social activities pick up, and all the things we all experience. My wife, god bless her, has a burden that I can only partly share in getting ready for the onslaught of family. Ah yes, this is Christmas.
That being said, because of the miracle of recovery, I am truly looking forward to the day. I feel good within, and this will reflect on how I interact with those who will be here for the day, those who I dearly love. I will not be depressed and will be able to enjoy the gleeful chaos that will unfold around us led by grand children who love me for just being Grampy!
Christmas night we will have the pleasure of being joined at dinner by people who do not have family to spend time with, and good cheer and laughs will be exchanged, and not cheer in liquid form.
There is a good feeling that comes with being able to share with others, and this is a great gift.
So this is Christmas. What a difference from that dreaded day that I lived pre-recovery. It truly is a miracle. If the miracle was there for me, it is there for all. You just have to reach out and have the courage to change. For this guy, it was well worth it!
I am fortunate that many do read my ramblings. As you go into Christmas, please share on this site or at http://www.hopeserenity.ca what you are feeling as you go into this highly emotional day! It feels good to get the inside outside.
To all, may you find some peace, serenity and hope over this season. You owe it to yourself. For those who “hate” the holidays, give thought to giving yourself a gift for next year, the recovery of a life that you’ll love. I did way back when and am grateful for what has followed.
Hello Patrick,
I came across your blog and we seems we have both been down the drug road and now we want to give back. I stated a blog called http://www.onlineaddictionhelp.com ITs not complete but it will soon. Maybe we could work together in some way I live in Toronto Canada. When I was an addicted to oxycontin my life was hell and I went on the methadone programe for almost 2 years it worked great for me and now I have been off methadone for 7 month now.
Well just wanted to say hi.
Steven Porter
I am the Mother of a 20 year old heroin addict. He overdosed a month ago and told he would be dead in a month if his behavior continued. I would like to throw out some non-conventional ideas to help him and see what you all think, and yes, we have tried many of the more common options available. I am desperate to help him.
Start a website sight called TEAM (Name)
Invite all friends, even the bad ones
Have everyone agree to the terms of the site. Read a section on enabling.
Set-up guidelines in supporting the recovery
Daily posts welcomed about past inspirational stories about the addict. Many of them can’t remember a lot of good things in their lives.
Call enablers on their bad actions. Cancel their memberships to the site, with the reason posted as to why their membership was canceled. They provided drugs to the addict, enabled the addict, etc… This will clearly show the people in the addicts life who are negatively effecting their recovery. Post a threat to them stating legal authorities will be brought into the matter. I am tired of everyone trying to tip toe and be politically correct. The violators probably need help to.
If the canceled members are under 21, or students… contact their families. People need to be accountable for their actions. This may save many future addicts!
Turn this website into a successSITE! Show people it can happen and they process of getting there. Show them the people in their lives sabotaging their success. This is my dream for my son … SUCCESS! It just has to be his dream too.
He is in Detox as I write this…
Sorry about the typos in my last post… I couldn’t see thru the tears that were dropping from my eyes!
That is an ambitious idea, Dona.
I am not sure that it will work as well as hoped, but you cannot be faulted for trying something different. I think you point to the bottom line truth which is, if he does not want success right now, then it is all pointless. If he does not want to change, then it is all just a bunch of useless hand waving. A lot of energy and time spent for nothing. Your son and his enablers may never even read a single word on the website. Ever. And even if you force them too, they may not really care or process any of it.
I am not saying it is a bad idea….just that I do not see any special power in it just yet to really force any sort of change.
I wish him luck though, it is good that he is in detox…..
Hi Patrick,
I have two little ones with the love of my life. He was a heroin addict, rather he was in drug court when we met. He was sober and great and He graduated and things were great. I didn’t know he relapsed, while I was pregnant, looking back there were all the signs. I almost died in the hospital after giving birth to our second child. I waited for him and he abandoned me there and didn’t bring me what I needed for three days. I have so much hurt, anger, and depression all the time. He told me the night I came home with baby and it more than broke my heart. He’s detoxed and has the implants, and has had them for the last two months. There are no local Al-anon meetings that I can go to. I am scared to death of what life will be like if he goes to prison or overdoses if he gets off the implants. It’s torturous and I’m not sure if I really want to know all the stuff he was doing while using. I find myself questioning what to do as a mother, and what is in their best interest. His family says he will relapse for sure if I leave him and I believe that to be true. He quit AA meetings and I want him to go but I’m leaving my needs out back all the time and I’m suffering. I hate addiction and how much it hurts people.
I am nineteen months into recovery from a severe nervous collapse involving alcohol abuse to the point of dependence and beyond. It has been nineteen months since I last took alcohol or used any potentially addictive drugs such as sleeping pills. During this time I have successfully detoxed, attended a residential treatment center, completed every course available from AADAC, joined a home group for which I regularly chair and usually attend up to three meetings a week. I do service work. I have completed a three month Evening Group Therapy Program at a University Hospital and regularly go for follow-up sessions. I attend a weekly Men’s Support Group and have started a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Program. This is all part of my positive self care program which also includes a regimented excercise program, healthy diet, and developing a meaningful social network out side of my programs. I work fulltime and will start volunteering at a local Rehabilitation Hospital this week. All I do strengthens me to deal with the many issues from my past which brought on severe clinical depression and anxiety disorders from an early age leading to self medication, suicide attempts and major life changing events. The list of the damage is great especially to the emotional balance of my children and their mother….who has her own issues.
My soon to be ex-wife and I are working through what is to be fair mediation but the hostilities are exceptional. All of the work I have done gives me the strength to avoid the behaviours of the past and I realize, in acceptance of my part in all this, that I can only look after my side of the street. I am committed to this. Many of the promise are coming true.
My issue today is that my wife is still in denial of both her part in all this and the emotional damage she is causing our children by continuously villifying me in front of them. Case in point is when she told them that she would not attend their piano recital if I did. It sounds like she’s asking them to choose which is fundamentally wrong.
The urge to confront my wife on this is greater than the urge to drink was. The obsession for self destruction is gone so these other urges should be gone too….right? The concept of praying for my tormentors is not working for me here. Praying for my children isn’t either. Patience should see us through….right? This is a ranting vent to be sure and I have voiced my situation and feelings about it at all of the forums I’m currently active in. Every opinion and advice is comforting but I thought I’d try this forum as well. If anyone out there has gained wisdom from similar circumstances I welcome the sharing of it.
hi patrick, i have mainly enjoyed your posts,essays,e books about your journey. i’m 52(which still seems very strange)first got sober(18mons)in 1983…spent 1985-1995 living in what’s grandiosely called post-acute withdraw…never sober more than six or so months..never more than six months without coming “back in”…..became convince i was constitutionally incapable…things finally got bad enough that i wanted to kill myself but couldn’t find a palatible way to do it…so after 3 days called a friend who’d been sober s ince 82 and we’d always stayed in touch regardless of m,y drinking…he also NEVER said one thing to me about it unless i asked him….finally i said to him,”do you think it’s worth my trying treatment one more time”….he laughed(not unkindly) and said,”what’s to lose, you can always kill yourself later if you don’t like it”…..god i love the gallows humor of those of us who have been sober a long time. after i stopped laughing i made the call and have been sober ever sense…28 day,long term tx till i was thrown out at 3months for not working enough hours(gay man unwilling to give up my job with health insurance over four hours a week). i love the program of alcoholics anon that i learned in 1983…not so much what has been done by the professionalizing of 12 step work, ;and the salesmanship that is now practiced on people not yet ready to take the first step(not judgment,the simple fact that one isn’t sober after trying is indicative of lack of willingness to take the only step where somehting like perfection is needed)….in reading your latest post i was struck by the fact that almost everything you wrote was the way the program was practiced 20-30 yrs ago….that wonderful time when younger people first really started staying sober in larege numbers and focusing on growth and the essential evolution of the proncipals that bill wilson developed. one thing i;n particular you said is so true and is ofen seen as blasphemy in many meetings where the essential,foundational principal of not being allied with any sect,denomination,etc is no longer practice. people used to almost apologize for sayinbg god in a meeting..usually it was “my hp whom i choose to call god”….i still cringe with the he, him, and even lord i sometimes here now. the newcomer is suppose to be the most important person at a meeting and the outside issue of personal religious beliefs can and often scares them off, so mjuch for the primary purpose. i digress , the scripturizing of the bb is such harmful,cultish, bs. you said it beautifully when writing that what got us sober won’t always(or often or whatever)keep us sober. your focus on growth was formerly of paramount importance in the practice of the program and the 12 and 12 was seen as the path to emotional sobriety just as it was for bill. there are people who can get by for years living on cultish repetion of cliches, and that is not a slam at the slogans. righly percieved(in my opion)the slogans are a shorthand for bringing upthe complicated adn comprehensive beliefs we have developed and grown over our journey in sobriety, not some one liner to chant at others who are expressing pain. meetings used to be solution/growth based. the old slogan of take your solutions to the meetings and your problems to your sponsor(or sober friends)was a maxim. self pitying group therapy crap, that i still almost either laugh or cry when i hear referred to as sharing was not what was heard unless it was someone who had experience a realk crisis or was in eminent danger of choosing to drink or use. it makes sad that someone who has given so much thought and sound advice on the subject living sober thinks that his writings are not what the program of aa espouses. please don’t take this in the wrong way but i have to ask when was the last time you studied the “12 and 12″ or the writings in “as bill sees it”. the 12/12 si where the means of growth are explained and absi with it’s wonderful index of conditions(action,depression,see dry drunk are my most used pages is the wonderful pause when agitated that provides mostly unpublished writings of an essentially practical nature. as drs. jung,silkworth, and thiebaux put it in different ways, we alcoholics(and drug addicts) need a moral psychology, a type of spiritual philosophy by which we can grow helping ourselves an d others live fullfilling,satifying, and joyful lives without being imprisoned by the bondage of self. it took me many years to finally understand that my constant focus on self kept me stunted and never able to have any of the truly joyful experiences in life. many of us are unconscously frightened by the thought that much of our life is our choice and falls under the heading of changing the things i can. step three in teh 12/12 ends with the serenity prayer as a template for all the choices both, pleasant and difficult, we must be willing to make in order to live fully. i love what bill said in a letter about making a choice and not liking it…….if we choose rightly we can enjoy our choice and if we choose wrongly the resulting growth can be enjoyed later…..how important is often applies. thanks again for your thoughtful and cogent writings and caring enough to share them.
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