Comments on: Confronting an Addict or Alcoholic in Denial http://www.spiritualriver.com Non-traditional recovery from addiction Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:09:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Teresahttp://www.spiritualriver.com/confronting-an-addict-or-alcoholic-in-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-136111 Teresa Mon, 05 Dec 2011 23:00:37 +0000 http://www.spiritualriver.com/?page_id=2202#comment-136111 Your stories touch my heart. I have been married to an alcoholic for 15 years and filed for divorce recently. He remains in a constant state of denial regarding his disease since he can go days or weeks without a drink. I've been blamed for the failure of our marriage and told so many times I'm just not measuring up as his wife. Thankfully, I finally admitted I needed help last year and began attending Al-Anon and working their program. I have worked diligently to recover emotionally, spiritually and physcially and finally reached a place of peace where I could make the decision I should have made years ago. I encourage anyone living with an alcoholic to go to Al-Anon. I put that decision off for so many years and would probably be in a different place today had I started earlier. I truly love my husband but the emotional and verbal abuse at me when he drinks are unacceptable to me. I know the divorce will bring change and challenges all on their own but I will face it with a tremendous support group of family, friends, fellow Al-Anon members and a Higher Power that has been there all along. Your stories touch my heart. I have been married to an alcoholic for 15 years and filed for divorce recently. He remains in a constant state of denial regarding his disease since he can go days or weeks without a drink. I’ve been blamed for the failure of our marriage and told so many times I’m just not measuring up as his wife. Thankfully, I finally admitted I needed help last year and began attending Al-Anon and working their program. I have worked diligently to recover emotionally, spiritually and physcially and finally reached a place of peace where I could make the decision I should have made years ago. I encourage anyone living with an alcoholic to go to Al-Anon. I put that decision off for so many years and would probably be in a different place today had I started earlier. I truly love my husband but the emotional and verbal abuse at me when he drinks are unacceptable to me. I know the divorce will bring change and challenges all on their own but I will face it with a tremendous support group of family, friends, fellow Al-Anon members and a Higher Power that has been there all along.

]]> By: Stephaniehttp://www.spiritualriver.com/confronting-an-addict-or-alcoholic-in-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-134342 Stephanie Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:02:02 +0000 http://www.spiritualriver.com/?page_id=2202#comment-134342 Richard and Christie, I am far too familiar with both of your situations. Having recently discovered that my Mother and Father are both alcoholics I also have to deal with an extremely verbally abusive boyfriend that I am coming to grips with as also being an alcoholic. One of the most frustrating things that I have had to accept is admitting that I saw the signs very early on but chose to ignore them. I ended up leaving a very successful career to move to a new city and move in with my boyfriend. I took a huge leap of faith that things would get better once we just lived in the same city but sadly they have only gotten worse. My new job is extremely difficult and very unfulfilling to say the least, and now I feel very trapped financially and stay with the boyfriend out of financial fears of supporting myself. The one good thing I have here though is an extremely supportive group of friends and family. My Mother although a recent member of AA is more self aware of her alcoholism and truly embraced her new sober life for the better. I am very lucky to have her love and support during what seems like a very lonely and confusing time. The out of control verbal rages and degrading name calling from my boyfriend and his constant blaming of me for his behavior is enough to truly make one feel like they are going crazy. The day or two after a rage from him he can be the most loving, caring, sweet man. Alcoholics have an uncanny way of making you feel like you are the one that is to blame for their behavior. Although I am lucky to have a Mother that is so supportive I have recently found out my Father is drinking 15 to 20 beers a day and verbally abusing his new girlfriend just has he did with my Mother for their 13 year marriage. They are divorced now going on 25 years now, and my mother is married to an amazing, supportive, loving man now of 22 years. I am very lucky in that respect. I hate to admit that I truly feel like I am the cliché of the being the woman that is dating her father. I never ever wanted to be that cliché, yet here I am in my early 30's in the exact situation that I so adamantly swore I'd never be in. I am taking the advice of what you all have written and I am going to seek out an Al-Anon meeting. My hope is that I will find the strength hearing from others stories and be brave enough to find a way out of my situation. I appreciate your stories and hold on to a faith that we all find the happiness we deserve. Richard and Christie, I am far too familiar with both of your situations. Having recently discovered that my Mother and Father are both alcoholics I also have to deal with an extremely verbally abusive boyfriend that I am coming to grips with as also being an alcoholic. One of the most frustrating things that I have had to accept is admitting that I saw the signs very early on but chose to ignore them. I ended up leaving a very successful career to move to a new city and move in with my boyfriend. I took a huge leap of faith that things would get better once we just lived in the same city but sadly they have only gotten worse. My new job is extremely difficult and very unfulfilling to say the least, and now I feel very trapped financially and stay with the boyfriend out of financial fears of supporting myself. The one good thing I have here though is an extremely supportive group of friends and family. My Mother although a recent member of AA is more self aware of her alcoholism and truly embraced her new sober life for the better. I am very lucky to have her love and support during what seems like a very lonely and confusing time. The out of control verbal rages and degrading name calling from my boyfriend and his constant blaming of me for his behavior is enough to truly make one feel like they are going crazy. The day or two after a rage from him he can be the most loving, caring, sweet man. Alcoholics have an uncanny way of making you feel like you are the one that is to blame for their behavior. Although I am lucky to have a Mother that is so supportive I have recently found out my Father is drinking 15 to 20 beers a day and verbally abusing his new girlfriend just has he did with my Mother for their 13 year marriage. They are divorced now going on 25 years now, and my mother is married to an amazing, supportive, loving man now of 22 years. I am very lucky in that respect. I hate to admit that I truly feel like I am the cliché of the being the woman that is dating her father. I never ever wanted to be that cliché, yet here I am in my early 30′s in the exact situation that I so adamantly swore I’d never be in. I am taking the advice of what you all have written and I am going to seek out an Al-Anon meeting. My hope is that I will find the strength hearing from others stories and be brave enough to find a way out of my situation. I appreciate your stories and hold on to a faith that we all find the happiness we deserve.

]]> By: Christiehttp://www.spiritualriver.com/confronting-an-addict-or-alcoholic-in-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-129264 Christie Thu, 03 Nov 2011 16:17:13 +0000 http://www.spiritualriver.com/?page_id=2202#comment-129264 Richard I am in a similar situation. It is hard to realize the one you love can be out of control. I to wish he would just look at the big picture. Sober he is a wonderful man and I adore. I have never giving him any reason to doubt who I am. He is full of rage at times over everything lately. I am a very patient person and he knows that. He used to say thank you for all my listening and patience with him. Now it isn't that way any longer. I have chosen to separate from him till he stops denying everything and get some help. He is still in denial. Thinks I caused all the problems. I did do some things but it was my reaction to his actions. He only sees that I betrayed him he doesn't see that his rages caused me fears and tears. I am sorry so sorry I turned to his family and asked for help. But I did not do anything wrong and I know that. That is where you have to get. Go to Al-anon or go see a counselor. When living with a drinker and knowing they are is draining on the person who does not have a drinking problem and it will take its toll on your health and mental being. Christie Richard I am in a similar situation. It is hard to realize the one you love can be out of control. I to wish he would just look at the big picture. Sober he is a wonderful man and I adore. I have never giving him any reason to doubt who I am. He is full of rage at times over everything lately. I am a very patient person and he knows that. He used to say thank you for all my listening and patience with him. Now it isn’t that way any longer. I have chosen to separate from him till he stops denying everything and get some help. He is still in denial. Thinks I caused all the problems. I did do some things but it was my reaction to his actions. He only sees that I betrayed him he doesn’t see that his rages caused me fears and tears. I am sorry so sorry I turned to his family and asked for help. But I did not do anything wrong and I know that. That is where you have to get. Go to Al-anon or go see a counselor. When living with a drinker and knowing they are is draining on the person who does not have a drinking problem and it will take its toll on your health and mental being.

Christie

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