Confronting an Addict or Alcoholic in Denial
Confronting an addict or alcoholic that is in denial is not an easy thing to do. If you decide to go through with it then you have to realize that you are taking a bit of a risk, because they might resent you for the confrontation. They will see it as being threatening when in fact you are just caring about them and want to see them get help. But if they are in denial then they will not see it this way, and it will be perceived more as an attack on them than anything else.
Of course if things are bad enough, then you might take the risk anyway. If they are truly out of control with their drug or alcohol use, then it might be worth the risk to confront them and say something. Who cares if they resent you for it if the alternative is their untimely death from overdose or something. Sometimes you just have to go ahead and do it anyway.
If they are stuck in denial, is there are way that you can get them to break through it and see the light? Not really. That is the stubborn nature of denial. Now what you can do is to stop enabling them in any way and not support their drinking or drug use in any way. This could help them to get there quicker in terms of recognizing their problem. For example, if they end up in jail, and you bail them out immediately, then what good does that do? Should they not sit there for a while, face their real consequences, and think about what their life has become?
Alcoholics do not quit drinking when everything is going good. If they have money, freedom, friends, and things are going well and they are drinking and happy, then do you really think that they are going to stop drinking at that point? Of course not. They are nowhere near the point of making that decision.
They call it “hitting bottom.” That is the point when an addict or alcoholic decides to make a major change. Remember, we are talking about changing their entire life. This is not a light decision. It takes real guts to admit that you have a problem of this nature and to take action to correct it. No one is going to do it when they have alternatives. If there is a way to keep the party going, they will do so. It is only when they are broke down completely, and alone, that they will try something different (like change).
allmhuran Says:
An alcoholics denial is bad enough by itself. But try getting through to one who has been raised in secret societies. This is a double shield of denial. Does anyone have any advice on this? Most people have no knowledge whatsoever about secret societies. This is a rare request. The individual in question is guarding the secrets of her family’s involvement in secret societies as well as the associated secrets of alcoholism in the family. Her own included.
JOE Says:
Your articles were interesting and informative. My love of my life is an alcoholic and has had a troubled childhood and id do anything to get her help. Ive also come to the reality her problem is now as much my problem. I dont drink but my pain for her has takin me from loving life and happy person to prescription drug abuse and lonely and depressed. Iworry for her safty 24/7 and at times when we make love i wonder if it matters its me or anyother guy would be ok to her. My life is changing for the worst and id like to know more about how to help her so i can be me again? Im sure im not the first to experience this im invovled in a program of professionals and have in kind loving genuine concern ask her to come also and each time a new excuse which i follow up to confirm her lie and denial. Its so heartbreaking freightening and each time i attempt to talk about it it seems she relizes i care and im not judgemental but back to life as usual. Any suggestions im all ears to get her to accept professonal help. She is my first last and only Love and watching her self destruct is unbearable. Were both 55 and she embarrass herself and me undignified behavior especially at our age.