Recently we explored the idea that a person can recover from alcoholism with or without Alcoholics Anonymous.
But people have expressed concerns that the alcoholic “should not be designing their own recovery program.” Some people in recovery think that this is a recipe for disaster.
They cite bits of wisdom to back this up, such as:
“Our best thinking got us here” (to AA).
And also:
“We cannot solve our problem with the same level of thinking that created it.”
And so on.
So there is this idea out there that the alcoholic or drug addict cannot possibly navigate their own path in recovery, because their thinking is damaged, and they would inevitably sabotage themselves if they tried to do so.
Another way to put it is: if you try to recover based on your own ideas, you are doomed to relapse. The reason for this (the logic goes) is because your thinking is broken, and you will not be able to overcome your addiction with your own ideas / thoughts / willpower / etc.
So the traditional recovery wisdom says that we cannot possibly “out-think our disease,” and that to try and solve our own problem of addiction will surely end in disaster.
I disagree with this traditional wisdom, and my own experience has led me to believe in the power of customizing your own recovery program rather than having others dictate what you should do and think in your recovery.
Some key points to this:
* The concept of surrender still works well in early recovery, and especially well if you are still trying to quit alcohol and other drugs. Relinquishing control works well for the transition out of denial, and is probably even necessary. But after you have broke through denial, it is your responsibility to start thinking for yourself again.
* There are many paths in recovery. Experimentation is key to see what recovery strategies work best for you. With traditional recovery wisdom, you simply do what you are told, and fail to explore other avenues of recovery that might work better for you. “Take what you need and leave the rest” is how the saying goes in traditional recovery circles. Well, I suggest you apply this to everything – including the traditional recovery programs that you are expected to take as your only hope of salvation. If it is not serving you well, discard it.
* Long term recovery demands customization in order to overcome complacency anyway. So even if you try to stay completely rigid by following a program exactly as it is outlined, eventually you are going to have to start making positive changes and deviations in your life. What got you sober will not keep you sober forever – recovery demands change.
* People who get stuck in a recovery program and stop pushing themselves to grow end up relapsing due to complacency. The motivation needed to overcome this complacency is not solved by following a specific program. The problem is the lack of motivation, not the lack of a program. Design your own plan of growth, provide your own motivation, and reap the rewards of recovery.
* Ultimately we all know as individuals what works best for us in recovery. We can cover this up with denial or self sabotage, but once those barriers are removed, it is up to us to find our best path in recovery. The longer you have been clean and sober, the more true this becomes. Therefore, the best long term strategy in recovery is to take responsibility and find out what actually works best for you in terms of personal growth.
So yes, you can design your own recovery plan, and probably should, eventually. Anything less is putting your future in others’ hands, and runs the risk of relapse due to complacency.
Personal growth is the path to success in recovery. Some thought is required. You might want to take action too.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Have you achieved long-term sobriety? If so, may I ask how long and from what addictions?
@ Darren – I have achieved long term sobriety. I have been clean and sober for over 10 years now. My primary addiction was to alcohol but I also used marijuana and cocaine on a daily basis. I also smoked cigarettes.
I quit the cigs over 5 years ago. That was not a trivial task either!
Perhaps I am short on wisdom, but I can say with confidence that 10 years is a long time. Any way you slice it. Maybe some would consider me a newcomer but ten years is ten years….
Patrick…Another excellent post, my friend. And yes, you most definitely can maintain serene recovery with or without involvement in one of the recognized traditional systems. I can say for a fact that I probably wouldn’t have been able to for the first year and a half because I didn’t have anyone that was clean to turn to, and I found that support I needed within the traditional rooms. And I’m extremely grateful, for and to, each and every person that played a necessary part in my early recovery. However…There came a time when I had to make the transition from what’s considered “early recovery” by some, to a more complete and fulfilling life. (for me, at least) I was just not content with making everything I did revolve around 12 Step fellowship-related activities. That seems to be perfectly well-suited for some folks. But certainly not this old boy.
For some reason I required more. Call it an appetite for life, if you will, but thinking I could spend the rest of my natural born days doing nothing more than hob-nobbing with no one else but recovering addicts wasn’t my idea of living. I work in a treatment facility as a facilitator and I spend alot of time trying to stay on top of what works for recovering persons, but what I do as my livelihood is separate from what I do in my leisure, even if I do spend countless hours researching the most current empirical evidence. Those hours are intellectual pursuits, and my recovery requires being fulfilled in that area, as well. Absolutely nothing to do with traditional approaches either. The life that I choose to live is custom-built, made-to-order, just for me. Successful Creative Recovery being designed and worked on an on-going basis. I mean, there’s quite a bit more to it than the intellectual aspect, but that’s just an example of what it is I believe you’re talking about in this post. Man, there’s like a jillion ways to do this thing called recovery, so let’s not get all caught up in that tired old “meeting makers make it” crap and think that we’re doomed to relapse if we don’t fall in line.
I’ve read alot of your archived writings Patrick and I’m always impressed by your approach to recovery. Always refreshing. Always accurate. Now if we could just get the Creative Recovery message across to some of those who feel doomed to tradition, or else.
Keep up the superb job you’re doing. I’m out. Peace. GT
Thanks GT Dubya, I appreciate your support as we seem to have a lot of the same ideas about recovery.
My follow up to this article is “How to actually live a recovery program without traditional programs,” but I am not so sure you can draw out a road map for everyone.
People might just have to find their own path. Not sure on that. Will have to think it over, do some writing….
Hi Patrick. I have been following how to stop drinking on your on for over a year. I tried to follow the link as suggested to Dave but I can’t seem to find everyone? I am not the best with computers so not sure what I am doing wrong. If you could explain as though you were speaking to a two year old, I may be able to follow?!
Thanks for all you do.