A popular question I get from readers on this site has always been: “Can I recover without going to AA? Is it possible?”
This is tricky territory for me, because my experience with AA is so unconventional: I started strong in the program for the first year or two, then drifted away for the most part. Today, I still hit the occasional meeting, or see my sponsor every once in a while, but I am by no means an active participant in the AA fellowship.
Despite this, I honestly think AA is the best option for a newcomer, simply because the amount of support there is substantial. What are your alternatives? Other support groups that target substance abuse or offer alternative recovery programs are practically non-existent compared to 12 step meetings. Yes, there are some out there. They do exist. But they are few and far between. In most places, the only readily available option is to go to AA or NA meetings.
Photo by Dr. Brainfish
And the support is critical, in so many ways–regardless of whether or not you embrace the 12 step philosophy. The people at those meetings will help you, they’ll talk to you, they will encourage you in any way that they can. For the newcomer in recovery to turn their back on this level of support is foolish, in my opinion. However, if you still want to know if you can recover without AA, you need to ask yourself:
“Can you quit on your own?”
This is a natural starting point for any alcoholic that wishes to avoid traditional twelve step recovery. There is nothing wrong with trying to quit drinking on your own, and many people will try to do so naturally as they stumble their way through active alcoholism. Most who try to quit on their own will fail, and this is really what defines alcoholism: the inability to stop drinking and stay stopped of our own accord. The alcoholic is defined as thus because they need help to stay sober. So, if you can quit on your own–and make it stick–then “our hats are off to you,” as they say in the Big Book of AA.
The fact of the matter is, true addicts and alcoholics cannot stop on their own. They need help. They need support. Peer support. This is what allows for a meaningful life in recovery.
So if someone admits to themselves that they cannot stop drinking on their own–that they need help–then they should probably look at the possibility of at least trying AA.
Is it possible to quit without AA? Sure. Is it possible to live a meaningful life in recovery without AA? That’s entirely doable as well. But here’s the catch, that I have found to be true in my experience:
You are going to need a really high level of support in order to maintain a successful, meaningful, and long term sobriety.
People who have tried to quit drinking without the help of other recovering alcoholics have expressed frustration that no one can relate to them. Interacting with other recovering alcoholics gives us strength and sanity when we are trying to get sober.
AA is not a magic bullet–the success rates alone should tell you that much.
There are other paths
AA is really young compared to alcoholism. People have been “recovering” without AA for thousands of years prior.
There are people that I know who have found a successful life in recovery through other means:
- Through religion.
- Through the use of therapeutic counseling.
- Through personal growth and development.
- Through a spiritual awakening.
One of the key concepts involved with all of these paths is that they are creative in nature. An alcoholic who finds success through one of these paths is literally creating a new life for themselves.
AA is a helpful framework for creation because there is an entire fellowship of people and a bunch of meetings established for you to go to. An active life in AA can be an answer to the question: “What am I going to do with myself now that I’m not drinking?” Being actively involved in AA can replace the absence of drinking with something meaningful, but it is not the only solution available to you. It is merely a convenient one.
If nothing else has worked for you, then it is probably worth giving it a chance. You can learn more about joining Alcoholics Anonymous here. You might also look into this helpful discussion inquiring: is Alcoholics Anonymous effective?
There is a ton of support in AA, but there are other paths as well. Good luck to everyone on their journey, and please feel free to ask any questions you might have in the comments below.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I too used AA in my early recovery. It can be very useful and many have achieved sobriety in AA rooms. I personally ended up going to a Narconon residential program to achieve full results. However my AA sponsor and friends were critical in the early stages and without thier support I probably would have been dead or in jail, instead of enjoying sobriety and recovery. I formed friendships early in my AA experience that exist to this day. My sponsor was quick to recognize that AA was not an end all answer for me, but that it was serving its purpose in keeping me sober while further help was sought and obtained.
I also know those who achieved lasting sobriety without AA.
I quess I would summarize this by saying that for some AA is the answer, for some it is part of the answer.
AA is ovbiously not a requirement for sobriety, but it sure ain’t gong to hurt either!
I quit on my own. No AA. no sponsor no steps.
I decided to do it and I did it.
Hi there H
I like your approach, but I see value in the 12 step fellowships as well. Thank goodness there are several paths to choose from. We would be honored to hear more of your story and how you have made a new life for yourself….
thanks for writing this. right now i’m going through that drifting away stage. i’ve been apart of AA/NA since 2007 and i’d been really involved, but now i’m at a point where i’m not so much in the program at all these days. however, i don’t really want/feel the need to drink anyways. i agree, it’s all about creating a new life and i think i’ve started one with the help of AA. but its hard not to be a little scared because of all the things you hear, that if you aren’t in the middle of the program you’re bound to go out and drink or use. that there’s no hope outside the program. who knows, it feels like i’m in a good place, but at the same time the “AA” voice says i’m just deluding myself. it’s either trust myself or trust the program.
Hi there Maddock
I agree with your thoughts completely there. You feel like you have found a new life of recovery but the voice of AA “groupspeak” is constantly nagging in your ear.
If you keep growing outside the boundaries of traditional recovery, guess what? That nagging voice goes away and you will experience true freedom.
Good luck to you on your journey….
I have 28 years of sobriety, and have been healed of alcoholism through the Lord Jesus Christ. In and out of aa, a visit to a recovery hospital in 1981, did not do the trick. AA 12th step says that the results of doing the 12 steps is a spiritual awakening, without which there is no recovery at the same degree of peace and freedom. AA and NA, I agree are the best starting point for recovery, there comes a time to move on.
IMHO If you don’t move on you will not enjoy the life you could have. God has provided a way, it often starts in AA or NA, listen to God and you wont go wrong!
Hi there Bill
I like your message about Christ and how he saved you. There are many newcomers though, in fact probably over half of them, that are really, really turned off by such a message. So I feel like I need to find a different avenue with which to approach them. The religious angle is not a popular one.
But I applaud your efforts and I am glad that you “moved on” and have quality sobriety in your life. That is awesome, God bless…..
AA has a 5% (this is a fact–look it up) total success. It is a religious institution, mandated as such by a California court. Regardless of their “higher power” ideals, they believe that you cannot succeed without their help.
I have been to some AA meetings. I have seen that many of those who attend have traded AA for their alcohol addictions (come on, 3 meetings a day for 30 years is a little extreme). I here war stories and stories of all the bad things that drinking has done to these people. There is no positive aspect to these meetings. There is no independent thought allowed. If you question an idea you are put down and considered in denial.
I refuse to let someone else tell me that I will fail because I don’t believe what they do or follow their idea of how it is done. There is no “one size fits all” in alcohol treatment. There are other programs out there that allow people to feel good about their decision, and give encouragement. But most of all, it is your constitutional right to ask for any of these alternative treatments when dealing with legal matters. You cannot be forced to attend AA by a court system. Have your lawyer check the law books. Precedents have been set by several states in this matter.
But, if AA works for you, by all means, continue going. Just don’t tell others it’s the best way. That is assuming we are all alike and believe the same things. Again, “one size does not fit all!”
Hi there Linda
I agree with some of your points. But the whole 5% success rate is still open for debate. That is a very difficult thing to measure and it becomes especially tricky to even all agree on what we are measuring. Suffice it to say, if you count every person who has ever attended an AA meeting, then the success rate is much lower than 5%.
But you could also frame the question in a way to make the success rate a bit higher than 5%.
Two things are certain to me:
1) AA helps some people.
2) AA fails for a LOT of people.
I think there is a need for more solutions myself. AA is a good fit for some people though. Thanks for your comment.
My husband has been going to about two to three NA meetings a week he has 7 yrs. clean. He will miss his home group meeting every other Saturday when we have a sitter but he doesn’t like it and always expresses to me how he should be there and not with me. When I get upset he tells me that I’m not thankful that he’s alive and clean and that i’m not appreciative of NA. I am very thankful that he is soeber but I just don’t get why his life has to revolve around recovery after 7 yrs. They tell him that if he stops going he will eventually go out and get loaded again. It’s like he’s brain washed in fact when he talks about it he sound as if he’s repeating someone elses words. Needles to say It really takes a toll on our family.
Danie
Hi there Danie
I should really do a full post about this.
It would be easy for me to agree with you completely, because I quit going to meetings about 8 years ago, and my philosophy is that if you “have” to go to a meeting, then you are dependent on them and you are not working a quality recovery. Of course this is partially self serving BS on my part, and part of it is true, too.
The reality is that I do things for my own recovery, even though I may not go to meetings anymore. I spend time on this site. I spend time working in a drug rehab. And I spend time with others in recovery who are my friends.
Really, I don’t think 3 meetings per week is excessive, so long as they are not set in stone and can be easily rotated. Having a home group can be special, in a way, but that too can become a dependency. Actually, NA has always pushed members to visit VARIOUS meetings, and not get “stuck” in the same ones, over and over again.
If he needs 3 per week, or even more, I think that is reasonable. But, I agree with you too….he needs to be a bit more flexible as to which meetings, and when. Having them as “appointments” could get annoying after a while.
After 7 years, my sponsor was still going to meetings, but he hit them at his own leisure. No pressure. That’s how it should be, in my opinion. Good luck.
Thank you for your reply I agree i dont think that 3 a week is to many It’s the point that he doesn’t want to be flexable in when and where he goes. He tends to only go to the meetings that are excepted by members in his home group.
Thanks again
Danie
Your section on recovery without AA. is factually inaccurate. Although there are not many studies to cite on the true success rates of AA, the few that have looked into this have found that AA shares about the same success rates at complete alcohol remission as alcoholics trying on their own. One study in the 80′s that was conducted by one of the board of directors of AA found that in addition to this low success rate, those who tried to get sober through AA and couldn’t had worse consequences as a result of relapsing than those who stopped on their own and could not. By worse consequences I mean more accidents and deaths by a statistically significant margin. 12 step groups are a great example of replacing dependencies.
@ Paul – it is easy to cite some of those studies and jump on the bandwagon, saying that AA is completely worthless. Some go so far as to say that it has a negative success rate. While I was close to jumping on that bandwagon myself at one point, I can see how that is an error today.
I have learned a lot about studies, and what makes a good study, how it is structured in order to be fair. You are correct, it is hard to get good data on recovery rates. But taking one published study and using it to disprove the “facts” is a rookie move. The best data looks at meta-studies, and takes into account all of the available data that we have.
When we do that, AA fairs a little better than what you are putting forth here (Project Match is an example of this). To be really fair about it, AA even fairs a little better than other professional recovery strategies, such as RET and EBT, etc. Believe me, I am not defending AA though.
But ultimately I think success rates are low enough that we should strive to find better solutions…just my opinion. Thanks for your comment!
Contrary to AA teachings, alcohol cannot be either cunning or baffling. It is an inanimate object and cannot think. I came to the realization that only I could decide to drink. I cannot blame my alcoholism on the alcohol. It’s up to me. I recognize I cannot do it alone. With the help of God and what I found helpful in AA meetings, I have succeeded.
Alcoholism is a real tough cookie. It’s been around forever and we still don’t have a clue.
With all the many problems created by it like: drunk driving accidents, domestic violence, health problems, unemployment, etc., etc., you’d think the world would spend more time and money on research and treatment.
When an earthquake occurs somewhere or a tornado wreaks havoc in an area, or a tsunami comes ashore and kills thousands, and always see big money being donated from all over the world to try and help. Why are we not doing the same about alcoholism??
Seems to me that we should. It doesn’t just kill once in awhile, it kills everyday.
Also, alot, i repeat, alot of money is spent on research for cancer, diabetes, and many other health issues. Why not alcoholism?
I think the world looks at alcoholism as if it’s THOSE PEOPLE’S problem. Most people don’t have a clue to the insidiousness of the disease.
Well that’s my thoughts on the subject.
AA is cultish in its thinking, the groups are usually brainwashed into accepting the 12 steps, most long-term members are weird in the extreme. It’s unfortunate but true, I would not recommend AA to anyone, except those strong enough to resist the cultish talk and advice. However, on a purely social level, AA members can provide support for a beginner. The 12 steps are misread in AA, the first step says “I was powerless over alcohol” but this is constantly misread as “I am powerless over alcohol”. A person who believes that they are powerless, has no chance of recovery. In the AA cult, people try to convince others that they will always be powerless over alcohol. This is a nonesense, and leads to members ending up with serious depression problems, as they learn to take no responsibility for their addiction, they are told it’s a disease. It would be interesting to learn how many AA members end up in hospitals and are put on medication for depression. In my experience the vast majority of members suffer mental problems thanks to AA.