Authors
Author: Patrick Meninga is an Intake Specialist at a Drug Rehab in Michigan, and has over 5 years of experience working directly with recovering addicts and alcoholics. He has been clean and sober for over a decade now and has also conquered nicotine addiction as well. In addition to full time work in a treatment center, Patrick actively writes on the web about addiction, and has contributed over one million words to try and help others to find a path of recovery. He has published several ebooks which are all available for free download in the sidebar of spiritualriver.com. His main focus is on “personal growth as a strategy for relapse prevention.” He believes that staying clean and sober can be done without a formal “program” of recovery, but rather through personal motivation and the push to grow in a holistic manner.
Guest author: Bill Urell is an addictions therapist at a leading residential treatment center. He has also written a book and authored hundreds of posts on his website, Addiction Recovery Basics. His website explores everything from the 12 step model to specific treatment therapies to help treat struggling addicts and alcoholics, and everything else in between. Bill is an expert in his field who has the practical aspects of addiction recovery down to a science. He specializes in working with adults who have chemical dependency issues, but his advice is spot on for anyone who is struggling to stay clean and sober. Bill has contributed to Spiritual River over the years, and even weighs in on a discussion of advanced recovery topics, where his years of experience really show through.
Guest author: Doctor Adi Jaffe is a psychologist who specializes in Addiction. His primary website is All About Addiction but he has also contributed to Spiritual River. His goal is to bring the latest knowledge about addiction to the people who could benefit from it most – those who are suffering because of it. He has published dozens of articles, book chapters, and presentations on the topic of addiction and is currently working on his first book.
Patrick’s bio:
* I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who has been clean and sober now for over 9 years. I also quit smoking cigarettes almost 5 years ago.
* I work full time in a drug and alcohol treatment center, although I am not a therapist.
* I am in a unique position where I get to watch many, many people try to get clean and sober. I take careful note of what works and what does not.
* I push myself to grow in recovery using holistic techniques. For example, I quit smoking, started exercising on a regular basis, and work to improve my diet and overall health. I also strive for spiritual growth and emotional balance.
* I push myself to explore more about what works in recovery and what does not. I believe that the field of substance abuse treatment is quite young and undeveloped.
* I have written over 1 million words here at the Spiritual River documenting my findings regarding addiction and recovery.
What follows is my story of addiction and recovery (what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now):
I started using marijuana when I was about 19 years old. It was the first time I had ever used any sort of drug. Immediately, I liked it, and commented that I am going to do this for the rest of my life! I was a shy person and getting high fixed this problem.
Shortly after this, I discovered alcohol, and realized that it worked even better than marijuana at fixing my social anxiety. Using both drugs was a daily habit and in a very short time I could not imagine living my life without self-medicating any more.
Just like that, I was now living to use, each and every day. It had become my purpose. Imagining life without drugs and alcohol was inconceivablemy thought was that there just wouldnt be any point to it. I believed that I definitely wouldnt be able to have any fun if I were to somehow get sober.
For the wrong reasons, I attended two different treatment centers over the next couple of years. Each time, the counselors and therapists suggested that I go to long term treatment, and each time, I declined to do so. I felt that long term treatment was far too drastic a solution for my *problem* and that I didnt need to resort to such measures. They were talking about several months or even years of my life! To me, long term treatment sounded like a death sentence, or at least like a jail sentence.
The bottom line was this: I simply was not willing to go to long term treatment, nor was I willing to accept 12 step recovery as the solution to my problem. I hated AA and NA meetings because I was terrified of them. I went back to using drugs and alcohol immediately after leaving both of these treatment centers.
There was no particular crisis that brought me to this last treatment center; I had simply had enough and felt like it was time for a change. If there was ever any hard evidence for a higher power working in my life, it was this: I somehow surrendered to the disease of addictionas stubborn as I amand finally asked for help. This time, *I* wanted to go to treatment. I realized that my life was a mess and I finally wanted to do something about it.
I was finally willing to try and change my life in a real and meaningful way. This meant I was ready to take some action. Because I had been to treatment before, I knew what was in store for me, so I consider it miraculous that I was willing to go back. My belief at this point was that 12 step recovery was not going to work for me. I also believed that if even if it somehow did work, I would be sober but miserable.
Apparently I was miserable enough with my life that I was willing to give it a shot anyway.
My experience in detox was probably fairly typical. I was coming off of alcohol, marijuana, and crack. Nurses tended to me and kept giving me pills so that I wouldnt get the shakes. I was in detox for 5 days. In my journey of recovery, residential treatment is just a little blip on the mapalthough it was still a very important time for me. I was fresh out of detox and might have spent a week or less in a residential treatment facility.
Essentially there were three important things that happened.
One, I attended lots of groups, lectures, and group therapy sessions.
Second, I was exposed to AA meetings on a daily basis, and found them to be somewhat tolerable. I found that I could actually sit through one without freaking out.
Third, I was assigned a therapist that was to help me plan my *aftercare*. This was to be of critical importance. In the past, I was never willing to follow up and do any sort of aftercare, because they always recommended long term treatment. This time, I was suggesting that I go to long term. My therapist listened to what I wanted and found me long term treatment.
The program was set up for 12 homeless men, had two groups a week, and required involvement in a 12 step program. A therapist ran the program and basically kept tabs on all of us. The recommended stay here was 6 months to 2 years, and I stayed for 20 months.
At 25 years of age, the place saved my life.
Let me say that again: long term treatment saved my life. I never would have been willing to commit to a 12 step program without the help and support that I got from living with 11 other recovering addicts. Before I got clean, it seemed like an impossibility to say goodbye to my friends who still used. I honestly did not think that I could just walk away from their friendship. Long term treatment allowed me to do just that.
For what seemed like a long time, all I did was live in that long term treatment center, go to meetings, and not use. It was what I needed to do at the time. The therapist there pushed me to get back into school, which I reluctantly did. I finished up an associates degree and eventually received a Bachelors degree.
The rest of my life parallels this as well: I have become a productive member of society on all counts. I work full time, go to school, live in an apartment, and pay my bills. I have a wonderful family and a cool group of friends. Pretty damn impressive considering the mess I was in before I got clean. I am lucky to be alive.
Whats truly amazing is that I enjoy this life today, and when I was still using, I hated the idea of sobriety. I could not picture myself having fun or being content with this life that I am now living. But somehow I transformed and it did happen.
In my own way, I do what I can to carry the message to other recovering addicts. Through full time work at a treatment center, and maintaining a recovery related website, I would say that Ive got my hands full. It feels good to stay involved in helping other people who are trying to recover.
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{ 100 comments… read them below or add one }
Good to see that you are willing to get honest about where you were, but where are you going? Is your recovery still first and formost or do you know something today so you choose not work the suggested program for recovery. You have things going alright now, but do you still keep in mind that you’re closer to your next use than you are from your last? Recovery is still a gift and you will never have all of the questions answered. You didn’t mention anything about whether or not you still going to meetings or have a sponnsor or are participating in your recovery. Keep comming back!
Patrick, I am so proud of you I could just about burst. You are a gifted writer and I am so glad that you are using your talent to help others. You have eloquently described your journey in a way that offers so much to those who have not yet chosen sobriety over using. Hopefully you have made the road to recovery a little less frightening. It did my heart good to read what you had to say and I am grateful to have been a small part of your journey to a more fullfilling life.
Pat. The site has become outstanding. Keep following your heart. It’s leading to good places.
You have a wonderful story and I am grateful you are clean and sober. I hope you continue to attend meetings and maintain contact with your sponsor on a frequent basis. If so, please say so, as that is part of carrying the message to a newcomer wondering if they are “finished” with the steps and the meetings. We know it is an ongoing process, but all reading this website might benefit from reading this in print.
Of great concern to me is the twelfth tradition of twelve step programs… the principle of anonymity. I read archival materials of AA with great interest. I am reminded, for example, with the famous ballplayer who received widespread approval for his publicized sobriety. Unfortuately, when he did drink again, he gave the message (unintended of course!) that AA does not work. It has worked for me more than 19 years now, and like you I quit at 25 years of age. I pray you not get angry by what could appear as a criticism, but is truly meant only — as a loving comment and hope you will remove your photo from a site where you have admitted attendance at 12 step meetings. May your Higher Power bless you and keep you, in peace and in recovery. May you feel the unity of the traditions and the service of the twelve concepts for world service. You go, Pat!!! In loving gratitude and service, Allie
Thanks for your input, Allie. I am going to seriously consider what you are saying about anonymity.
I can see three things right away though.
One, I’ve noticed where I work that each individual chooses their own level of anonymity, and all you can do is make suggestions to them.
The second thing is that I believe it is important to set an example for the newcomer regarding anonymity. In that sense, I agree that we should not shout from the hilltops about AA.
The third thing is that I only credit the twelve step program as being a part of my recovery program. If I was to fail, the fault is not with AA, because I’ve used so many other tools other than just AA.
I think the traditions of AA are strong enough to protect the fellowship from random individuals. But again, I will consider your suggestion Allie. Thanks for commenting.
Hello Mr. Meninga,
Thank you so much for sharing your transformational experience with the healing community. It seems that with a great sense of generosity you are sharing your recovery experience with the hope that people suffering from addiction will face their pain of personal struggle and through suffering they will develop their individual ways of personal healing and enlightenment. As a psychotherapist, I find you as a role model and I hope that you will give me your permission to share your story with my struggling clients and other professionals and educators. Thank you again for giving me hope to stay energized to guide people in their quest for personal transformation as they confront their pain while embrace their suffering. Loving kindness. Puspita
Hi there Puspita, thank you for your kind words. Of course you may show my story to anyone you would like. God bless you…
Thanks for getting me specifically to your story on this site. Thanks for being so raw and honest about your journey. I have found the same honesty effective when I was saved three years ago. Admitting that you are unable to do something alone and need help, is not only human, it is extremely noble. I feel blessed by your willingness to open up to help others. Stay strong, my friend. Thank you for your advice. I will keep you posted.
Shelly
tell em Pat, I just wish I had the clarity of my mis-spent youth that you do. I am glad to be clean today…
Cal in K-zoo, MI
Congratulations. I have 23 years of sobriety and have never been happier or more fulfilled in my life. A note to people who are concerned about “going to meetings.” I went to meetings for 35 years, and no doubt they work for some people, but they didn’t for me, though they probably kept me alive. I found a non-twelve step treatment programme, which did work and I still have 12 steppers tell me I’m going to get drunk because I don’t go to meetings. Some people exchange one addiction for another.
Hi there Jim, thanks for the comment. I would agree that some people do exchange one addiction for another, but I think in most cases it is perfectly fine for people to throw themselves whole-heartedly into a 12 step program. At some point, I think it’s worth examining your level of growth and see if there are ways to develop outside the rooms of AA, too. But the 12 step fellowship was definitely an integral part of my early recovery.
Seems like a topic worth exploring further, no? AA was part of my “transition” to a more purposeful life in recovery.
Hi Patrick,
I ran across your website today and have been reading through it. I am one of those you spoke of who relapsed about 3 years ago. I had 10 years of being clean and sober from drugs and alcohol and then had two surgeries three weeks apart. After trying to avoid taking the Percocets prescribed me, the pain finally became so
unbearable I gave in and as they say, “that was all she wrote”. The euphoria I felt instantly brought me back into my disease, as I was reminded of why I had loved drugs so much in the first place. Addiction once again took control of my mind and body, and all the previously held truths I had about my powerlessness over drugs and alcohol, were suddenly gone. Almost instantly I became convinced that drugs were the solution to all my problems and that I was unique and really needed them. (I should mention that prior to and during my relapse I had “fallen in love” with someone that was once in the program and who was using again….yeah, I know, bad, bad choice.)
Now, three years later, I struggle to stay clean and sober every day. After building up a nice savings and 401k, I’ve been unemployed now for 1 year and 3 months, and I’m almost broke once again (much of my savings spent on drugs). My self esteem has seriously eroded and I often wonder if I’ll ever get my life back on track. I feel alot like a hamster racing on a wheel in a cage. Just spinning my wheels and getting nowhere, fast. I tell you all of this, to help someone else who may be on the verge of a relapse (Trust me, it’s not worth it!)and also to get honest with someone else and myself.
What could I have done differently? I’ve asked myself that a million times. And the best answer I can come up with is I should have walked away from that person, checked myself into a treatment center or thrown myself back into AA and worked intensely with my sponsor. But I was not willing to give up my new love interest. And as you can see, I have painfully paid the price. It is only by the Grace of God I haven’t paid with my life, but I know there is still time for that if I don’t get back on track soon. I am turning 50 in two days, and I have a heart condition which had pretty much gone into remission when I was sober. Lately, I’ve had some pretty
intense chest pains after some serious drinking and abuse of prescription meds. So if I want to live, I have to give up the drugs and alcohol. But I tell you first hand, it is SO much harder to do the second time around in recovery.
So anyways Patrick, thanks again for sharing your experience, insight and inspiration here on your website. I know you have already helped me and will be helping alot of other suffering alcoholics and addicts still “out there” and desperate.
Oh, and in regards to the woman who said you should take your picture off your website to maintain anonymity, I disagree. It feels more personal and authentic to me to have the face to go along with the author. And besides, I’ve seen plenty of pictures of Dr. Bob and Bill W. in various texts and would not object to seeing their picture in the Big Book either. It’s pretty evident that neither they nor you were trying to profit through AA (your website shows that as you have no Google Ads, Adsense or Affiliate links), nor are you trying
to promote yourself in any way other than to help another suffering alcoholic or addict. And for that we wholeheartedly thank you.
Peace and Sobriety,
Kim B.(Akron, Ohio…yes, that’s right… AA’s birth place!)
Wow, Kim, thank you for all of the kind words and the excellent comment. I appreciate your story and your honesty.
Amazingly enough, I was just sitting down to write a post about relationships in recovery and how they can become a dangerous substitute for real spiritual growth, eventually leading to relapse. I know this because I lived with about 30 to 40 guys in long term treatment, every one of which relapsed over a relationship. It is, in my opinion, the “number one offender.”
What a coincidence that your story involves a dangerous relationship! Thanks again for your inspiring comment and story of hope…I’m sure you’ve helped many already with your story and will continue to do so…..God bless
Congratulations on your graduation! Yes recovery does offer a new way of life and relationships are the biggest cause of relapse. Of course the whole 12 steps is about relationships. I just want to let all of the newcomers out there know that if you want to go to a meeting Patrick is open and receptive to supporting you and going with you. He is an amazing person and anyone new who needs to have help getting to a meeting all you have to do is ask. It just might save a life.
Peace~Peg
Dear Patrick,
I am Seven month Sober, I would like to interact with you and your group, will it be possible , Iwould also like to contribute to the Spritual River or other forums please contact me if you can
with warm regards
S.Sanjay Rao
Patrick,
Our stories have many parallels. I am currently in a residential recovery “program”. I use the term “program” loosely. I like to say that this is a “do-it-yourself” recovery program. Here you are offered a safe and sober environment and given access to the rooms of recovery. There are no counselors, social workers or medical staff. You have people of various lengths of sobriety who act as mentors and pseudo-sponsors. It was a few weeks after I entered this program that I realized I needed something more that what I was getting at AA and NA. I began to talk more and more to newcomers, being one myself I could relate. I found that the more I worked with my sponsor, the newcomers and the other clients in my residential recovery program, the closer I came to reaching the serenity I longed for. This website is another tool in my toolbox for recovery.
I would very much like to contribute in any way possible. Please contact me about what I can do to share my experience, strength and hopes.
Thanks and keep up the good work.
Vann C.
Patrick;
After browsing your site, I was struck by your apparent lack of professional credentials – at least I couldn’t find any. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Hopefully you’re not venturing your many opinions about the amazing complexities of addiction and recovery based soley on your own experiences and fledgling abstinence. Generalizing from ones own, personal experiences to some sort of universal truths about addiction is quite irresponsible and potentially misleading to others. Always remember “An empty drum always makes the most noise”!
Hi there Jim
No, there are no professional credentials, this is the internet you know!
Luckily, this is a field of study where the professionals have less than a 5 percent success rate, so any help I can offer to the struggling addict is generally appreciated.
At the very least you can find a fresh viewpoint here.
And as far as generalizing about my own experience in order to advise others, what do you think happens every day in AA meetings around the world? Those methods are tested to about a 5 percent success rate or less….so I don’t think my humble corner of the internet is going to seriously trip anyone up.
You are right that I am trying to stir things up a bit with this site and get people thinking on their own (which many in AA believe to be dangerous I suppose). Part of my philosophy is that traditional recovery is broken, and that there must be a better way. I’m finding that way and documenting it here for others to read.
Have a little open-mindedness Jim! It’s just my experience, strength and hope….no one is forced to read here, and I do receive a lot of feedback from people who have been helped by my articles so far.
At any rate, thanks for your concern Jim….but you underestimate the size and freedom of the internet. I’m going to do my best to keep reaching out to others….
MAKE A SILK PURSE OUT OF YOUR SOW’S EAR. Patrick did!
There was a point in my life, a decade plus ago, I was living in insanity. I was doing things that were negative repeatedly, but expecting a diffrent outcome. I was less than honest, leading a double life- one for the public and a diffrent life inside of me, I suffered frequent depression and fear that YOU would find out what I was really like. Self-worth was gone.
I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got the courage to change from somewhere, but in giving up a life I knew, as nuts as it was, I was taking a big step into the unknown. Something had to fill what I was giving up, and I certainly didn’t want boring!From a source I did not understand at the time, I had faith that things would turn out better than the place I was at.
I took the leap, and could not visualize the safety net. Scary stuff.
With a lot of help from professionals and my 12 step fellowship, I began a new journey. Being who I am, I learned patience the hard way. By nature, when I want something, I want it NOW! But that’s not the way things work. Change came as I was ready for it, and ready was not something I could control as much as I would have liked to.
Today I am doing something that builds on a strength I had in my insane period; I love to help others and am good at it in certain areas. It was a strength in both my business life and personal life. I was born with some very good abilities. Today I use those abilities in a way I love. In the last 2 years, I recieved professional certification as a Life Coach and Addiction coach by going back to school and working my tail off.The insanity of my past is never forgotten. It helps me in working with my clients and is a strength I bring to the party. I’ve been there and got the T-shirt, so I can easily relate. Both the insane life and lessons learned on a tough journey, plus having great people put in my way, have led to the “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. A process that harnesses the professional training I have and the practical experiences I have lived.
I certainly feel fulfilled today when I see the lights come on within my clients, watch them do the work, and succeed at doing what they have desired to do and couldn’t do on their own without a coach. As I was writing this, a client called. He is going through the energy sapping process that major change brings. Old lifestyle and habits die hard, and don’t die without a struggle. I can relate (not feel) the turmoil he is feeling. I had told him to expect it; he’s in a fight for a new life. Seeing it happen and him articulate it is huge progress. I am grateful for what we just shared.
I have learned to stay out of my own way and let things happen as a result of the work I do for me each day. The initial fear I had is gone,; faith proved to be the correct feeling, I have made major change, and today, have a life I really enjoy. To put it mildly, it certainly isn’t boring. The stuff I gave up that was tormenting me has been well replaced with things I love, and harness the strengths I do have.
In remembering the insanity of my historical life, I gain strength. It makes me better equipped to help others, and keeps me doing things daily to continue my own growth. If I keep on doing what I’m doing, I won’t go backward.
If this makes sense to you and you can relate, I invite you to join me in the “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. If you want it, I can coach you to it if your prepared to do the work and get a life. Contact me anytime at khbray@hopeserenity.ca. More information is available at ww.hopeserenity.ca. I coach others to succeed and guarantee results. Let’s have a chat. It’s free! Today I put my past madness to good use. You can to.
Hi Patrick,
We spoke a while back (email) and I told you I was dying to get your stop smoking guide out there for my readers… well, after how many months I found my draft finished in my blog and just went and re-downloaded your Stop Smoking Guide which I found BRILLIANT. The post will go live in 2 days, I’ve not been able to add links to your site IN the PDF – but, if you have updated it since we were in contact then just let me know and I can change the file I’m dishing out for my readers.
Ok – keep up the amazing work. I’ll download your addiction ebook here shortly. Best of life!
why are u so stuck up on long term rehab i went to a 3 mnth facility and have been sober 10 mnths. no cravings… i got involved with my work and do a lot of yoga and gymming.
I’ve tried twice to have some of your material emailed to me…..and it does not happen. Is there a problem ???
I’ve requested the Author Bio & the recent Prescription drug essay. Both important to help a nephew here, now.
We are in Maryland. I have no idea what the URI is.
Thanks, Bill
@ Sumit – Long term treatment saved my life. Pure and simple.
For some it doesn’t take all that. For others, it takes what it takes.
For me, that meant long term. Good luck to you and God bless…..
Hi Patrick,
Thank you for your writing. Holistic is the way to go. I read some other the other emails and its sad to me they are still locked into only AA. Extremists. Hey this 2009 ok people.So what your picture is up.I would too hey i am true blue writer you dont have to be a ghost writer. Like people who step up and speak truth. People grow and say oh be careful you may slip, people do not like change they want to be in there small worlds. CHANGE IS GOOD.
change is good, this exactly what this girl has been searching for, someone whom isnt afraid to speak there truth. Hey this 2009 wake up people. Keep your picture up, people love be controling, be happy dont critize a man or woman for who they are. a step up -freedom/I am glad i found your site.Holistc is the way. Freedom from what anyone thinks -to be yourself, grow, AA is to give your life back not be life ..Its a stepping stone people grow and you move up in your life thats why they call it growing… If you choose to hang with negative energy it will become yours too, I cannot save you from yourself. Keep up the awesome work I look forward to your next reading. Blessings Dana