Author Bio
Name: Patrick Meninga
Age: 34 Lives in: Michigan, USA
* I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who has been clean and sober now for over 8 years.
* I work full time in a drug and alcohol treatment center, although I am not a therapist.
* I am in a unique position where I get to watch many, many people try to get clean and sober. I take careful note of what works and what does not.
* I push myself to grow in recovery using holistic techniques. For example, I quit smoking, started exercising on a regular basis, and work to improve my diet and overall health. I also strive for spiritual growth and emotional balance.
* I push myself to explore more about what works in recovery and what does not. I believe that the field of substance abuse treatment is quite young and undeveloped.
* I have written over 500 articles here at the Spiritual River documenting my findings regarding addiction and recovery.
What follows is my story of addiction and recovery (what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now): I started using marijuana when I was about 19 years old. It was the first time I had ever used any sort of drug. Immediately, I liked it, and commented that “I am going to do this for the rest of my life!” I was a shy person and getting high “fixed” this problem. Shortly after this, I discovered alcohol, and realized that it worked even better than marijuana at “fixing” my social anxiety. Using both drugs was a daily habit and in a very short time I could not imagine living my life without self-medicating any more. Just like that, I was now living to use, each and every day. It had become my purpose. Imagining life without drugs and alcohol was inconceivable—my thought was that there just wouldn’t be any point to it. I believed that I definitely wouldn’t be able to have any fun if I were to somehow get sober. For the wrong reasons, I attended two different treatment centers over the next couple of years. Each time, the counselors and therapists suggested that I go to long term treatment, and each time, I declined to do so. I felt that long term treatment was far too drastic a solution for my *problem* and that I didn’t need to resort to such measures. They were talking about several months or even years of my life! To me, long term treatment sounded like a death sentence, or at least like a jail sentence. The bottom line was this: I simply was not willing to go to long term treatment, nor was I willing to accept 12 step recovery as the solution to my problem. I hated AA and NA meetings because I was terrified of them. I went back to using drugs and alcohol immediately after leaving both of these treatment centers. There was no particular crisis that brought me to this last treatment center; I had simply had enough and felt like it was time for a change. If there was ever any hard evidence for a higher power working in my life, it was this: I somehow surrendered to the disease of addiction—as stubborn as I am—and finally asked for help. This time, *I* wanted to go to treatment. I realized that my life was a mess and I finally wanted to do something about it. I was finally willing to try and change my life in a real and meaningful way. This meant I was ready to take some action. Because I had been to treatment before, I knew what was in store for me, so I consider it miraculous that I was willing to go back. My belief at this point was that 12 step recovery was not going to work for me. I also believed that if even if it somehow did work, I would be sober but miserable. Apparently I was miserable enough with my life that I was willing to give it a shot anyway. My experience in detox was probably fairly typical. I was coming off of alcohol, marijuana, and crack. Nurses tended to me and kept giving me pills so that I wouldn’t get the shakes. I was in detox for 5 days. In my journey of recovery, residential treatment is just a little blip on the map—although it was still a very important time for me. I was fresh out of detox and might have spent a week or less in a residential treatment facility. Essentially there were three important things that happened. One, I attended lots of groups, lectures, and group therapy sessions. Second, I was exposed to AA meetings on a daily basis, and found them to be somewhat tolerable. I found that I could actually sit through one without freaking out. Third, I was assigned a therapist that was to help me plan my *aftercare*. This was to be of critical importance. In the past, I was never willing to follow up and do any sort of aftercare, because they always recommended long term treatment. This time, I was suggesting that I go to long term. My therapist listened to what I wanted and found me long term treatment. The program was set up for 12 homeless men, had two groups a week, and required involvement in a 12 step program. A therapist ran the program and basically kept tabs on all of us. The recommended stay here was 6 months to 2 years, and I stayed for 20 months. At 25 years of age, the place saved my life. Let me say that again: long term treatment saved my life . I never would have been willing to commit to a 12 step program without the help and support that I got from living with 11 other recovering addicts. Before I got clean, it seemed like an impossibility to say goodbye to my friends who still used. I honestly did not think that I could just walk away from their friendship. Long term treatment allowed me to do just that. For what seemed like a long time, all I did was live in that long term treatment center, go to meetings, and not use. It was what I needed to do at the time. The therapist there pushed me to get back into school, which I reluctantly did. I finished up an associate’s degree and today I recently received a Bachelor’s degree. The rest of my life parallels this as well: I have become a productive member of society on all counts. I work full time, go to school, live in an apartment, and pay my bills. I have a wonderful family and a cool group of friends. Pretty damn impressive considering the mess I was in before I got clean. I am lucky to be alive. What’s truly amazing is that I enjoy this life today, and when I was still using, I hated the idea of sobriety. I could not picture myself having fun or being content with this life that I am now living. In my own way, I do what I can to carry the message to other recovering addicts. Through full time work at a treatment center, participation in online meetings, and the creation of a recovery related website, I would say that I’ve got my hands full. It feels good to stay involved in helping other people who are trying to recover.
Thomas E. L. Says:
Good to see that you are willing to get honest about where you were, but where are you going? Is your recovery still first and formost or do you know something today so you choose not work the suggested program for recovery. You have things going alright now, but do you still keep in mind that you’re closer to your next use than you are from your last? Recovery is still a gift and you will never have all of the questions answered. You didn’t mention anything about whether or not you still going to meetings or have a sponnsor or are participating in your recovery. Keep comming back!
Maryann Says:
Patrick, I am so proud of you I could just about burst. You are a gifted writer and I am so glad that you are using your talent to help others. You have eloquently described your journey in a way that offers so much to those who have not yet chosen sobriety over using. Hopefully you have made the road to recovery a little less frightening. It did my heart good to read what you had to say and I am grateful to have been a small part of your journey to a more fullfilling life.
John Higgins Says:
Pat. The site has become outstanding. Keep following your heart. It’s leading to good places.
Allie W. Says:
You have a wonderful story and I am grateful you are clean and sober. I hope you continue to attend meetings and maintain contact with your sponsor on a frequent basis. If so, please say so, as that is part of carrying the message to a newcomer wondering if they are “finished” with the steps and the meetings. We know it is an ongoing process, but all reading this website might benefit from reading this in print.
Of great concern to me is the twelfth tradition of twelve step programs… the principle of anonymity. I read archival materials of AA with great interest. I am reminded, for example, with the famous ballplayer who received widespread approval for his publicized sobriety. Unfortuately, when he did drink again, he gave the message (unintended of course!) that AA does not work. It has worked for me more than 19 years now, and like you I quit at 25 years of age. I pray you not get angry by what could appear as a criticism, but is truly meant only — as a loving comment and hope you will remove your photo from a site where you have admitted attendance at 12 step meetings. May your Higher Power bless you and keep you, in peace and in recovery. May you feel the unity of the traditions and the service of the twelve concepts for world service. You go, Pat!!! In loving gratitude and service, Allie
Patrick Says:
Thanks for your input, Allie. I am going to seriously consider what you are saying about anonymity.
I can see three things right away though.
One, I’ve noticed where I work that each individual chooses their own level of anonymity, and all you can do is make suggestions to them.
The second thing is that I believe it is important to set an example for the newcomer regarding anonymity. In that sense, I agree that we should not shout from the hilltops about AA.
The third thing is that I only credit the twelve step program as being a part of my recovery program. If I was to fail, the fault is not with AA, because I’ve used so many other tools other than just AA.
I think the traditions of AA are strong enough to protect the fellowship from random individuals. But again, I will consider your suggestion Allie. Thanks for commenting.
Puspita Sen Says:
Hello Mr. Meninga,
Thank you so much for sharing your transformational experience with the healing community. It seems that with a great sense of generosity you are sharing your recovery experience with the hope that people suffering from addiction will face their pain of personal struggle and through suffering they will develop their individual ways of personal healing and enlightenment. As a psychotherapist, I find you as a role model and I hope that you will give me your permission to share your story with my struggling clients and other professionals and educators. Thank you again for giving me hope to stay energized to guide people in their quest for personal transformation as they confront their pain while embrace their suffering. Loving kindness. Puspita
Patrick Says:
Hi there Puspita, thank you for your kind words. Of course you may show my story to anyone you would like. God bless you…
Shelly Says:
Thanks for getting me specifically to your story on this site. Thanks for being so raw and honest about your journey. I have found the same honesty effective when I was saved three years ago. Admitting that you are unable to do something alone and need help, is not only human, it is extremely noble. I feel blessed by your willingness to open up to help others. Stay strong, my friend. Thank you for your advice. I will keep you posted.
Shelly
Crazy Cal Says:
tell em Pat, I just wish I had the clarity of my mis-spent youth that you do. I am glad to be clean today…
Cal in K-zoo, MI
Jim Says:
Congratulations. I have 23 years of sobriety and have never been happier or more fulfilled in my life. A note to people who are concerned about “going to meetings.” I went to meetings for 35 years, and no doubt they work for some people, but they didn’t for me, though they probably kept me alive. I found a non-twelve step treatment programme, which did work and I still have 12 steppers tell me I’m going to get drunk because I don’t go to meetings. Some people exchange one addiction for another.
Patrick Says:
Hi there Jim, thanks for the comment. I would agree that some people do exchange one addiction for another, but I think in most cases it is perfectly fine for people to throw themselves whole-heartedly into a 12 step program. At some point, I think it’s worth examining your level of growth and see if there are ways to develop outside the rooms of AA, too. But the 12 step fellowship was definitely an integral part of my early recovery.
Seems like a topic worth exploring further, no? AA was part of my “transition” to a more purposeful life in recovery.
Kim B. Says:
Hi Patrick,
I ran across your website today and have been reading through it. I am one of those you spoke of who relapsed about 3 years ago. I had 10 years of being clean and sober from drugs and alcohol and then had two surgeries three weeks apart. After trying to avoid taking the Percocets prescribed me, the pain finally became so
unbearable I gave in and as they say, “that was all she wrote”. The euphoria I felt instantly brought me back into my disease, as I was reminded of why I had loved drugs so much in the first place. Addiction once again took control of my mind and body, and all the previously held truths I had about my powerlessness over drugs and alcohol, were suddenly gone. Almost instantly I became convinced that drugs were the solution to all my problems and that I was unique and really needed them. (I should mention that prior to and during my relapse I had “fallen in love” with someone that was once in the program and who was using again….yeah, I know, bad, bad choice.)
Now, three years later, I struggle to stay clean and sober every day. After building up a nice savings and 401k, I’ve been unemployed now for 1 year and 3 months, and I’m almost broke once again (much of my savings spent on drugs). My self esteem has seriously eroded and I often wonder if I’ll ever get my life back on track. I feel alot like a hamster racing on a wheel in a cage. Just spinning my wheels and getting nowhere, fast. I tell you all of this, to help someone else who may be on the verge of a relapse (Trust me, it’s not worth it!)and also to get honest with someone else and myself.
What could I have done differently? I’ve asked myself that a million times. And the best answer I can come up with is I should have walked away from that person, checked myself into a treatment center or thrown myself back into AA and worked intensely with my sponsor. But I was not willing to give up my new love interest. And as you can see, I have painfully paid the price. It is only by the Grace of God I haven’t paid with my life, but I know there is still time for that if I don’t get back on track soon. I am turning 50 in two days, and I have a heart condition which had pretty much gone into remission when I was sober. Lately, I’ve had some pretty
intense chest pains after some serious drinking and abuse of prescription meds. So if I want to live, I have to give up the drugs and alcohol. But I tell you first hand, it is SO much harder to do the second time around in recovery.
So anyways Patrick, thanks again for sharing your experience, insight and inspiration here on your website. I know you have already helped me and will be helping alot of other suffering alcoholics and addicts still “out there” and desperate.
Oh, and in regards to the woman who said you should take your picture off your website to maintain anonymity, I disagree. It feels more personal and authentic to me to have the face to go along with the author. And besides, I’ve seen plenty of pictures of Dr. Bob and Bill W. in various texts and would not object to seeing their picture in the Big Book either. It’s pretty evident that neither they nor you were trying to profit through AA (your website shows that as you have no Google Ads, Adsense or Affiliate links), nor are you trying
to promote yourself in any way other than to help another suffering alcoholic or addict. And for that we wholeheartedly thank you.
Peace and Sobriety,
Kim B.(Akron, Ohio…yes, that’s right… AA’s birth place!)
Patrick Says:
Wow, Kim, thank you for all of the kind words and the excellent comment. I appreciate your story and your honesty.
Amazingly enough, I was just sitting down to write a post about relationships in recovery and how they can become a dangerous substitute for real spiritual growth, eventually leading to relapse. I know this because I lived with about 30 to 40 guys in long term treatment, every one of which relapsed over a relationship. It is, in my opinion, the “number one offender.”
What a coincidence that your story involves a dangerous relationship! Thanks again for your inspiring comment and story of hope…I’m sure you’ve helped many already with your story and will continue to do so…..God bless
Anonymous Says:
Congratulations on your graduation! Yes recovery does offer a new way of life and relationships are the biggest cause of relapse. Of course the whole 12 steps is about relationships. I just want to let all of the newcomers out there know that if you want to go to a meeting Patrick is open and receptive to supporting you and going with you. He is an amazing person and anyone new who needs to have help getting to a meeting all you have to do is ask. It just might save a life.
Peace~Peg
S.Sanjay Rao Says:
Dear Patrick,
I am Seven month Sober, I would like to interact with you and your group, will it be possible , Iwould also like to contribute to the Spritual River or other forums please contact me if you can
with warm regards
S.Sanjay Rao
Vann C. Says:
Patrick,
Our stories have many parallels. I am currently in a residential recovery “program”. I use the term “program” loosely. I like to say that this is a “do-it-yourself” recovery program. Here you are offered a safe and sober environment and given access to the rooms of recovery. There are no counselors, social workers or medical staff. You have people of various lengths of sobriety who act as mentors and pseudo-sponsors. It was a few weeks after I entered this program that I realized I needed something more that what I was getting at AA and NA. I began to talk more and more to newcomers, being one myself I could relate. I found that the more I worked with my sponsor, the newcomers and the other clients in my residential recovery program, the closer I came to reaching the serenity I longed for. This website is another tool in my toolbox for recovery.
I would very much like to contribute in any way possible. Please contact me about what I can do to share my experience, strength and hopes.
Thanks and keep up the good work.
Vann C.
jim Says:
Patrick;
After browsing your site, I was struck by your apparent lack of professional credentials – at least I couldn’t find any. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Hopefully you’re not venturing your many opinions about the amazing complexities of addiction and recovery based soley on your own experiences and fledgling abstinence. Generalizing from ones own, personal experiences to some sort of universal truths about addiction is quite irresponsible and potentially misleading to others. Always remember “An empty drum always makes the most noise”!
Patrick Says:
Hi there Jim
No, there are no professional credentials, this is the internet you know!
Luckily, this is a field of study where the professionals have less than a 5 percent success rate, so any help I can offer to the struggling addict is generally appreciated.
At the very least you can find a fresh viewpoint here.
And as far as generalizing about my own experience in order to advise others, what do you think happens every day in AA meetings around the world? Those methods are tested to about a 5 percent success rate or less….so I don’t think my humble corner of the internet is going to seriously trip anyone up.
You are right that I am trying to stir things up a bit with this site and get people thinking on their own (which many in AA believe to be dangerous I suppose). Part of my philosophy is that traditional recovery is broken, and that there must be a better way. I’m finding that way and documenting it here for others to read.
Have a little open-mindedness Jim! It’s just my experience, strength and hope….no one is forced to read here, and I do receive a lot of feedback from people who have been helped by my articles so far.
At any rate, thanks for your concern Jim….but you underestimate the size and freedom of the internet. I’m going to do my best to keep reaching out to others….
Keith Bray Says:
MAKE A SILK PURSE OUT OF YOUR SOW’S EAR. Patrick did!
There was a point in my life, a decade plus ago, I was living in insanity. I was doing things that were negative repeatedly, but expecting a diffrent outcome. I was less than honest, leading a double life- one for the public and a diffrent life inside of me, I suffered frequent depression and fear that YOU would find out what I was really like. Self-worth was gone.
I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got the courage to change from somewhere, but in giving up a life I knew, as nuts as it was, I was taking a big step into the unknown. Something had to fill what I was giving up, and I certainly didn’t want boring!From a source I did not understand at the time, I had faith that things would turn out better than the place I was at.
I took the leap, and could not visualize the safety net. Scary stuff.
With a lot of help from professionals and my 12 step fellowship, I began a new journey. Being who I am, I learned patience the hard way. By nature, when I want something, I want it NOW! But that’s not the way things work. Change came as I was ready for it, and ready was not something I could control as much as I would have liked to.
Today I am doing something that builds on a strength I had in my insane period; I love to help others and am good at it in certain areas. It was a strength in both my business life and personal life. I was born with some very good abilities. Today I use those abilities in a way I love. In the last 2 years, I recieved professional certification as a Life Coach and Addiction coach by going back to school and working my tail off.The insanity of my past is never forgotten. It helps me in working with my clients and is a strength I bring to the party. I’ve been there and got the T-shirt, so I can easily relate. Both the insane life and lessons learned on a tough journey, plus having great people put in my way, have led to the “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. A process that harnesses the professional training I have and the practical experiences I have lived.
I certainly feel fulfilled today when I see the lights come on within my clients, watch them do the work, and succeed at doing what they have desired to do and couldn’t do on their own without a coach. As I was writing this, a client called. He is going through the energy sapping process that major change brings. Old lifestyle and habits die hard, and don’t die without a struggle. I can relate (not feel) the turmoil he is feeling. I had told him to expect it; he’s in a fight for a new life. Seeing it happen and him articulate it is huge progress. I am grateful for what we just shared.
I have learned to stay out of my own way and let things happen as a result of the work I do for me each day. The initial fear I had is gone,; faith proved to be the correct feeling, I have made major change, and today, have a life I really enjoy. To put it mildly, it certainly isn’t boring. The stuff I gave up that was tormenting me has been well replaced with things I love, and harness the strengths I do have.
In remembering the insanity of my historical life, I gain strength. It makes me better equipped to help others, and keeps me doing things daily to continue my own growth. If I keep on doing what I’m doing, I won’t go backward.
If this makes sense to you and you can relate, I invite you to join me in the “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. If you want it, I can coach you to it if your prepared to do the work and get a life. Contact me anytime at khbray@hopeserenity.ca. More information is available at ww.hopeserenity.ca. I coach others to succeed and guarantee results. Let’s have a chat. It’s free! Today I put my past madness to good use. You can to.
Vern Says:
Hi Patrick,
We spoke a while back (email) and I told you I was dying to get your stop smoking guide out there for my readers… well, after how many months I found my draft finished in my blog and just went and re-downloaded your Stop Smoking Guide which I found BRILLIANT. The post will go live in 2 days, I’ve not been able to add links to your site IN the PDF – but, if you have updated it since we were in contact then just let me know and I can change the file I’m dishing out for my readers.
Ok – keep up the amazing work. I’ll download your addiction ebook here shortly. Best of life!
sumit Says:
why are u so stuck up on long term rehab i went to a 3 mnth facility and have been sober 10 mnths. no cravings… i got involved with my work and do a lot of yoga and gymming.
Bill Says:
I’ve tried twice to have some of your material emailed to me…..and it does not happen. Is there a problem ???
I’ve requested the Author Bio & the recent Prescription drug essay. Both important to help a nephew here, now.
We are in Maryland. I have no idea what the URI is.
Thanks, Bill
Patrick Says:
@ Sumit – Long term treatment saved my life. Pure and simple.
For some it doesn’t take all that. For others, it takes what it takes.
For me, that meant long term. Good luck to you and God bless…..
Dana Says:
Hi Patrick,
Thank you for your writing. Holistic is the way to go. I read some other the other emails and its sad to me they are still locked into only AA. Extremists. Hey this 2009 ok people.So what your picture is up.I would too hey i am true blue writer you dont have to be a ghost writer. Like people who step up and speak truth. People grow and say oh be careful you may slip, people do not like change they want to be in there small worlds. CHANGE IS GOOD.
Dana Says:
change is good, this exactly what this girl has been searching for, someone whom isnt afraid to speak there truth. Hey this 2009 wake up people. Keep your picture up, people love be controling, be happy dont critize a man or woman for who they are. a step up -freedom/I am glad i found your site.Holistc is the way. Freedom from what anyone thinks -to be yourself, grow, AA is to give your life back not be life ..Its a stepping stone people grow and you move up in your life thats why they call it growing… If you choose to hang with negative energy it will become yours too, I cannot save you from yourself. Keep up the awesome work I look forward to your next reading. Blessings Dana
Patrick Says:
Thanks for the kind words, Dana. I agree with a lot of your ideas about recovery. We are still finding the path together, you and I….
Ben Says:
Dude! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength and hope! You have got some killer ideas and philosophies about recovery that really stir the brain. Keep up the good work, your website really kicks ass! Take care brother!
Sheila Joyce Gibbs Says:
Excellent writing ! And many thanks for sharing your personal trials in life !
We need more good men like yourself !
Paul H Says:
Hi I’ve read through some of your blog and I enjoyed it very much – many thanks for sharing.
Terry n Texas Says:
I was sitting in a meeting and saw part of your 101 tips and wondered who the “spirit river guy” was and after reading your story I must say that it is a compelling one. I never really got into the whole AA thing although I did use it as a place to start my recovery network. And as most recovering addicts do I tried to get differant results from trying the same things. In the end it wasn’t AA, treatment centers, institutions or jails that got me clean and sober. It was comming awake after a seven month coma and realizing that not only was I missing my right foot, I was missing my wife who was killed in the wreck that my driving caused (everybody has thier own bottom). The sprirtual awakening wasn’t long in following. I have since reconnected with my God,AA, and my friends who are living the life of recovery. And I hope to now count you among those friends. This is just a short part of a forty-five year drug addiction story, but I thank God every day that it is now the best part of the story. Thanks for letting me share.
rick Says:
Patrick – I’ve seen you write about attending AA meetings on line. Do you ever GO to a meeting? Hard to find a spiritual awakening in my computer, i would imagine.
Patrick Says:
Hi there Rick
Yes I have been to over a thousand AA meetings since I got clean and sober but I have probably been to less than 10 meetings in the last 5 years of my recovery. I usually try to make it a point to hit one meeting a year. Why? To pick up my sobriety coin and give some hope to the newcomer I suppose. To be honest though I do not think I made it these last 2 years as I was celebrating my clean time with other addicts and alcoholics outside of a meeting.
Meetings are not the answer. Meetings are not your salvation. Meetings do not even necessarily point us at the answer.
They are a tool. They can help you. But they cannot cure you. I have seen so many who put such strong faith in 12 step meetings who have relapsed. Several hundred people, actually. I had this opportunity because I lived in a treatment center for 20 months and now I have worked in a treatment center for 4 years plus.
Yes AA works for some. It definitely does not work for all. The data to support that assertion is overwhelmingly strong.
As for a spiritual awakening, I don’t think a meeting is necessarily going to get you there any faster than a computer. Remember that AA meetings are pretty much brand new, they have only been around for a hundred years or so. Thousands of people have had spiritual awakenings before then…..
I am not anti-AA or even anti-meeting, but you have to see that many get stuck in the routine of meetings and stop growing. Many meeting makers relapse. I just want people in the fellowship to stop spouting about daily meetings and get out there and live and experience a spiritual experience through their own efforts and personal growth. Glorifying meetings as the ultimate solution seems to fail for those around me. I notice that they all have relapsed. I have tried to find a more sensible route, one in which I can still reach out and help others and find real growth in recovery….
khutso Says:
Good site
DARRYL WILSON Says:
PATRICK. IM NEW TO RECOVERY BUT IM ENJOYING THE PROCESS. IM INTERESTED IN ONLINE MEETINGS IF YOU CAN INFORM ME HOW TO GET INVOLVED IT WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
Patrick Says:
Hi Darryl
I like this place:
http://stayingcyber.org/forum/default.asp
chris Says:
thank you for this site..it’s amazing what working the 12 steps does in completely changing our lives!!
Trenchy Says:
Hi Patrick,
Just read one thread from your mailbag (on enabling) and this intro thread and I am really thankful and impressed. I have been looking for something short and to the point to give to my parents who have become my son’s newest enablers. The Al Anon pamphlets I’ve found are insanely ‘dated’ to the point that my parents wouldn’t be able to connect the dots. Anyway, your mailbag thread IS “the ticket”! Thank you!!! My 20 yr old son made a near fatal hanging attempt almost a year ago while on an alcohol and oxy binge. I swore that if he lived I would never knowingly enable him again.We forced him into 4 mos of treatment, but he wasn’t ready. Unfortunately, we will not be able to AFFORD to help him again like that when/if he is ready, so I was sooo hoping to have more confidence in AA/NA meetings:-), but, as you have made clear, the data is not there. They are a tool, but that’s it. Keep up the good work!
Trish Says:
Boy some people have alot of criticism for this guy Patrick who so kindly took the time to put this together for all of us. Some insight: a person’s anonimity is for them to decide, credential sometimes come from the “University of Hard Knocks” , and how hard is it to be positive people???
I would like to say thanks, I read alot of stuff I needed to be reminded about on this website. I really appreciate all the time it must have taken to do all this. You have obviously done your homework. I have found no misinformation here except maybe from a couple of reader comments. Good work! Keep on keepin on! Obviously the miracle is happening for you….
Larry B. Says:
Powerful stuff. Thank you for taking the time to “teach” us in this manner.
Six months ago I was a dead drunk shell of a man.
Now I am a new being. I have re-born into sobriety and I am not missing any of the miracles that are taking place around me. In the last 25 years I don’t recall noticing even ONE miracle. I have seen so many in the last six months.
Your information here will help me in my new life, to avoid pitfalls, to keep my mind on straight. I can’t help thinking that I should be thinking more than just “one day at a time” and your site really validates some of my unspoken thoughts.
Thanks again!
Addiction Recovery Says:
Sweet bio and recovery story. I like hearing about the successes of others. Hats off to you Patrick and I pray that you will be clean for the rest of your life.
spencer Says:
That was an interesting account. I teach adults and on occasion have assigned debate topics for class discussion. There are many marijuana users who seem to think that it is not a “gateway” drug, that it does not have harmful social impacts and should be legalized. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on that. How much of a role does marijuana play in the addiction role? Are other drugs as important or more important in this phenomenon of addiction? I’m also trying to start a blogsite dealing with self-help and spiritual perspectives (www.nerveandspirit.blogspot.com).
Mike Says:
Thanks for sharing your story of triumph over adversity and for your passion to end the suffering of others. That’s a wild ride you’ve been on there!
One day there will be an end to needless suffering. Perhaps not in our lifetime… but sometime :-)
I’m certain you will do so much good in your life to that end.
Anabel Says:
I’m so happy for you whoever you are and thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge.
Patrick Says:
Thank you for the kind words, Anabel. I hope you are blessed! Take care….
Dick B. Says:
Patrick: Thanks for including your story. You can find mine in text and audio on the front page of my website http://www.dickb.com. By now you know that yours is a “happening” site; and it has produced many visits to my A.A. history sites. I have found, as part of my 23 years of continuous sobriety, that helping a newcomer will achieve success well if it starts with “Tell me your story.” Out here in Hawaii, it might sometimes be “Let’s talk story.” Either way, the fresh newcomer with his bag of troubles, shame, guilt, fear, and the other products of his self-destructive behavior, is surprisingly eager to tell his story if you share yours. It’s the thing that brought Bob and Bill together and resulted in the founding of A.A. And it’s the thing that enabled them to relate to Bill D., AA Number Three, who was almost instantly cured by asking God for help. And this marked the founding of A.A. Group Number One in Akron. Thank you. Dick
Vern Says:
Hi Patrick,
I’m reacquainting myself with your blog after an absence… It’s even more amazing than I remember. Your advice, your sharing of experience is undeniably rich with first hand knowledge of the subjects you speak about.
I’ve worked with many persons addicted to substances in the past (MA Rehab Counseling) and I am sure you are doing many people profound good by sharing your expertise here with everyone. THANKS!
helena Says:
I am someone who works in recovery in Alaska, I appreciate your website, but it seems sugarcoated and unreal. When I hear stories, I hear horror, yours lacked it, so I am hesitant to believe you are an addict of any kind, I understand that poeple will say that not all stories have to be awful, but in reality yes they do, alcohol and or drugs would not be a problem if there were no negative consequences, what was yours?
Ray Says:
Patrick,
I read your article at the TKA and though the revenue is impressive this blog is even more impressive. What you are doing is absolutely wonderful. My father died of alcoholism and so did my uncle so I know first hand what it can do to a person and a family.
Keep up the great work as I am sure it is helping hundreds of folks.
Bev Says:
Finally, advice that makes sense. I happened on your site after searching the web trying to figure out what the heck (I’m being nice here) a ‘qualifier’ meant in Alanon speak. Thank you Patrick, for speaking in plain English. No offense to the AA’s out there but I have had enough of ‘sayings’ and code words. My son is 29 and has suffered with addiction since the age of 17 (that I know of). Just had to say hello-I’ll be reading more of your site-thanks for putting it out there : D
singstar Says:
I realy agree thanks for your hel and what your doin
singstar Says:
oops i put hel instead of help sorry. Thanks again
oba Says:
Wow, someone who works at a treatment center and is in a 12-step program wholeheartedly recommends rehab and 12-step programs. Will wonders never cease. There are alternatives out there that don’t involve religious conversion (and yes, AA is religious) and/or shelling out thousands of dollars on a treatment model with an abysmal success rate. People stop abusing substances when they perceive that the “pain” of stopping is less than the “pain” of continuing abuse. You can’t rush that process and the notion that if 1 stay in rehab doesn’t do the trick then, by golly, 4-5 trips to rehab should do the trick seems to fit the definition of insanity one hears in the rooms of A.A.
I applaud your efforts, but, sadly, this website is another example of the sorry excuse for addiction “treatment” in the U.S.A.
Patrick Says:
@ Oba – did you even read the website? I am not exactly a big fan of AA or traditional recovery by any means around here.
That said, I went to rehab 3 times, and lived in one for 20 months straight. Best 3 investments I ever made. Since then my life has improved immeasurably, and the money I spent on rehab has come back to me a thousand times over.
Just my experience of course….I do agree that success rates are poor in the treatment industry. But to become cynical and stop trying? Seems like a poor choice to me….
Dr. Steve Jackson Says:
Patrick,
Great info. Great work you are doing. I trying to get off the ground with my ebook approach to recovery. I have worked inpatient and out. You brought up common sense approaches that unfortunately don’t often get mentioned in treatment.
Dr. Steve
ps I also am starting a blog at: recoverywithdrsteve.com if you are interested. My goal is to provide an online community for aftercare that would continue to challenge people to grow and learn.
Anonymous Says:
I AM A MOTHER IN BELFAST I AM SIXTY YEARS AND HAVE A DAUGHTER OF 36 YEARS I AM A DOCTOR MY HUSBAND AN ACCOUNTANT WE HAVE BOTH STRUGGLED TO HELP OUR DAUGHTER WIYH HER ALCHOL ADDICTION WE HAVE NOW USED ALL OUR SAVINGS PAYING HER DEBTS WE HAVE LOST OUR GRANDCHILDREN AND NOW I HAVE NO REASON TO GO ON
S. Says:
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! Today i sought and i found this.
RDG Says:
I very rarely get pop ups, but when I opened my computer last night, spriritual river was front & center. Nothing short of a miracle. I pray every day for an angel to appear, or as you say some magic to happen. For 3 years I do some sort of research every day in hopes that somewhere will be the right words I should be saying to help my son. My entire family is suffers from his addiction & now he’s been dg as bi-polar. I certainly do not intend to apologize if I offend anybody’s non-belief in God or miracles, because as much as they shout to deny It, It Is what It Is & here to stay. There doesn’t seem to be an end in site with the ever changing scientific answers that occur every year that they shove down everybody’s throats. But, God forbid we should make mention of what this entire country was founded on & now some want to deny, or at the very least rearrange, to suit their needs.
Anyway, I’ve only read the home page & these mailings so far and with many tears hope there’s more.
My son smokes pot, day & night & when possible does coke & in social situations, or when traveling back from rehabs & nothing available he’ll have alchohol as well. Mine is a very long story & not going to put all of it here, but I’ve hired professional interventionist & after many conversations w/THE professional I was sent somebody on their first mission. The family basically took care of & did it all, as the man was frustrated at the turn of events & my son wanting to leave the next day as opposed to right then. I didn’t want him to miss another day w/o his girlfriend. They told me they were able to handle any situation & nothing I could tell them wasn’t anything they hadn’t seen or heard were surprise them. They had my confidence, my $ 3,000.00, airfare & expenses
to do absolutely nothing accept tell us to write out letters, see who would go first & not argue. When my son immediately broke out in a tirade of obsenities & walked out we looked to him for guidance, only to be stared at with a blank look basically looking to see who was going to go after him. I have to say that if it was somebody with confidence, backbone, experience, compassion & a deep understanding of how to cope in certain situation, it will do many some good. There is also a book called “Intervention” that I wish I had purchased prior to hiring outside help.
My story is as heartwrenching as anybody’s. But, I have ask why the direction you, and others give, seem contraversial? The reason is one paragraph will say to leave communication open, so I kept listening to horrible things being said to me & the next will say don’t put up with anything or enable. My question is: Are we supposed to throw them out on the streets or not??!! I’ve verbally asked him to leave, but he refuses, then screams how this home is now & always will be his & before he ever leaves, he’ll have me put out on the streets.
He has lost his wife, his son acquired by marriage, his brother & now his sister, his home, a very successful business that was given to him by his father, 4 jobs in the past 5 months (didn’t work for 2 years, he’s stolen, sold everything he had in his possession & anything that’s been given to him accept his bed. That is all he has left of all that he had…oh & spent 45 days in jail. It is very sad that certain circumstances kept going against him & he couldn’t get out of his own way for a long time, but he will never be convinced that it is his addiction, & actions because of it, that caused 85% of it all, unless, of course, he’s straight. He is the best hearted person I’ve ever seen in my life when not using, but of course, unable to give very much, even of himself anymore without an ulterior motive, it seems. He’s been to 3 rehabs, but he was one that recovered amazingly & understood it all so well, that he was able to leave after only 2 weeks!!! Actually, the 1st, from the interventionist was a farce, as they didn’t even know he was there & therefore never saw a councelor, doctor, etc, but went to all the meetings. They sent my $$ back, but mailed to him, so………….. I love my children with all my heart & every day is a stuggle to go on & watch your flesh & blood sad every waking day. Since he had to spend time in jail, & other things happened, he admits to everyone that he will never ever stop smoking pot unless he goes someplace for life, because he can’t do it & resigned himself to the fact that he never will & will love doing it forever. He even told this to the judge. Said, “I cannot stop & if you have someplace to go forever then send me, otherwise forget it….I can’t”. I cannot talk to him anymore, because now he doesn’t care who hears him screaming his obsenities & accusations & will break through doors, etc. to make sure I hear him loud & clear. He is so backed up against a wall now, & I’ve always feared for him taking his own life. Also, people shouldn’t ever call the 800 #’s advertised on TV if you have a loved one who needs help. After getting off the phone with them, I want to hurt myself as well. All they ever say is “I’m sorry to hear your going through this. Have him call us”. If I could do that I wouldn’t be calling you is what I have to say before hanging up!!! I’m sorry this is probably the longest post you’ve ever seen.
Now, I’m going to see what else is here that I can possibly do to help. Oh, I’m also going to print all of this (not mine) & put it under his door in hopes that he doesn’t tear it up.
God Bless You Patrick for all the work you’ve done & still doing. I’m sure it gives your life much meaning knowing how many lives you’ve touched. It’s what you were meant to be doing & you’re so lucky to have found that meaning so young. Be Well
Patrick Says:
@ RDG – Yeah I know it is tough because you have no control over your son. And it is misleading because we hope that a professional interventionist can cure the addiction and convince anyone to go to rehab and instantly turn their life around.
It does not work that way.
But, there is still hope. But you have to learn how to let go, and let your son find his own path. He has to go through some pain in his life before he will become willing to change.
It’s tough. Seek out an Al-anon meeting, if you really want help. Good luck.
V. L. Poirier Says:
Your site is interesting, but all the advertisement for treatment “stuff” and treatment centers puts me off.
Patrick Says:
@ V.L. – Understood.
However, consider this: treatment works. It saved my life. Quite literally.
It is one thing to read on the internet about recovery. It is another thing entirely to check into rehab and take real action.
Which path do you think is the stronger one? Just some food for thought there!
Michelle Rodriguez Says:
Hi Patrick,
The line that struck me on your website is “miserable and tired enough to give it another shot.” Hopefully this time I can see it through. Many of the reasons I started drinking (binging out of control) again were also addressed on your website. Your insight is powerful.
Michelle