Authors
Author: Patrick Meninga is an Intake Specialist at a Drug Rehab in Michigan, and has over 5 years of experience working directly with recovering addicts and alcoholics. He has been clean and sober for over a decade now and has also conquered nicotine addiction as well. In addition to full time work in a treatment center, Patrick actively writes on the web about addiction, and has contributed over one million words to try and help others to find a path of recovery. He has published several ebooks which are all available for free download in the sidebar of spiritualriver.com. His main focus is on “personal growth as a strategy for relapse prevention.” He believes that staying clean and sober can be done without a formal “program” of recovery, but rather through personal motivation and the push to grow in a holistic manner.
Guest author: Bill Urell is an addictions therapist at a leading residential treatment center. He has also written a book and authored hundreds of posts on his website, Addiction Recovery Basics. His website explores everything from the 12 step model to specific treatment therapies to help treat struggling addicts and alcoholics, and everything else in between. Bill is an expert in his field who has the practical aspects of addiction recovery down to a science. He specializes in working with adults who have chemical dependency issues, but his advice is spot on for anyone who is struggling to stay clean and sober. Bill has contributed to Spiritual River over the years, and even weighs in on a discussion of advanced recovery topics, where his years of experience really show through.
Guest author: Doctor Adi Jaffe is a psychologist who specializes in Addiction. His primary website is All About Addiction but he has also contributed to Spiritual River. His goal is to bring the latest knowledge about addiction to the people who could benefit from it most – those who are suffering because of it. He has published dozens of articles, book chapters, and presentations on the topic of addiction and is currently working on his first book.
Patrick’s bio:
* I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who has been clean and sober now for over 9 years. I also quit smoking cigarettes almost 5 years ago.
* I work full time in a drug and alcohol treatment center, although I am not a therapist.
* I am in a unique position where I get to watch many, many people try to get clean and sober. I take careful note of what works and what does not.
* I push myself to grow in recovery using holistic techniques. For example, I quit smoking, started exercising on a regular basis, and work to improve my diet and overall health. I also strive for spiritual growth and emotional balance.
* I push myself to explore more about what works in recovery and what does not. I believe that the field of substance abuse treatment is quite young and undeveloped.
* I have written over 1 million words here at the Spiritual River documenting my findings regarding addiction and recovery.
What follows is my story of addiction and recovery (what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now):
I started using marijuana when I was about 19 years old. It was the first time I had ever used any sort of drug. Immediately, I liked it, and commented that I am going to do this for the rest of my life! I was a shy person and getting high fixed this problem.
Shortly after this, I discovered alcohol, and realized that it worked even better than marijuana at fixing my social anxiety. Using both drugs was a daily habit and in a very short time I could not imagine living my life without self-medicating any more.
Just like that, I was now living to use, each and every day. It had become my purpose. Imagining life without drugs and alcohol was inconceivablemy thought was that there just wouldnt be any point to it. I believed that I definitely wouldnt be able to have any fun if I were to somehow get sober.
For the wrong reasons, I attended two different treatment centers over the next couple of years. Each time, the counselors and therapists suggested that I go to long term treatment, and each time, I declined to do so. I felt that long term treatment was far too drastic a solution for my *problem* and that I didnt need to resort to such measures. They were talking about several months or even years of my life! To me, long term treatment sounded like a death sentence, or at least like a jail sentence.
The bottom line was this: I simply was not willing to go to long term treatment, nor was I willing to accept 12 step recovery as the solution to my problem. I hated AA and NA meetings because I was terrified of them. I went back to using drugs and alcohol immediately after leaving both of these treatment centers.
There was no particular crisis that brought me to this last treatment center; I had simply had enough and felt like it was time for a change. If there was ever any hard evidence for a higher power working in my life, it was this: I somehow surrendered to the disease of addictionas stubborn as I amand finally asked for help. This time, *I* wanted to go to treatment. I realized that my life was a mess and I finally wanted to do something about it.
I was finally willing to try and change my life in a real and meaningful way. This meant I was ready to take some action. Because I had been to treatment before, I knew what was in store for me, so I consider it miraculous that I was willing to go back. My belief at this point was that 12 step recovery was not going to work for me. I also believed that if even if it somehow did work, I would be sober but miserable.
Apparently I was miserable enough with my life that I was willing to give it a shot anyway.
My experience in detox was probably fairly typical. I was coming off of alcohol, marijuana, and crack. Nurses tended to me and kept giving me pills so that I wouldnt get the shakes. I was in detox for 5 days. In my journey of recovery, residential treatment is just a little blip on the mapalthough it was still a very important time for me. I was fresh out of detox and might have spent a week or less in a residential treatment facility.
Essentially there were three important things that happened.
One, I attended lots of groups, lectures, and group therapy sessions.
Second, I was exposed to AA meetings on a daily basis, and found them to be somewhat tolerable. I found that I could actually sit through one without freaking out.
Third, I was assigned a therapist that was to help me plan my *aftercare*. This was to be of critical importance. In the past, I was never willing to follow up and do any sort of aftercare, because they always recommended long term treatment. This time, I was suggesting that I go to long term. My therapist listened to what I wanted and found me long term treatment.
The program was set up for 12 homeless men, had two groups a week, and required involvement in a 12 step program. A therapist ran the program and basically kept tabs on all of us. The recommended stay here was 6 months to 2 years, and I stayed for 20 months.
At 25 years of age, the place saved my life.
Let me say that again: long term treatment saved my life. I never would have been willing to commit to a 12 step program without the help and support that I got from living with 11 other recovering addicts. Before I got clean, it seemed like an impossibility to say goodbye to my friends who still used. I honestly did not think that I could just walk away from their friendship. Long term treatment allowed me to do just that.
For what seemed like a long time, all I did was live in that long term treatment center, go to meetings, and not use. It was what I needed to do at the time. The therapist there pushed me to get back into school, which I reluctantly did. I finished up an associates degree and eventually received a Bachelors degree.
The rest of my life parallels this as well: I have become a productive member of society on all counts. I work full time, go to school, live in an apartment, and pay my bills. I have a wonderful family and a cool group of friends. Pretty damn impressive considering the mess I was in before I got clean. I am lucky to be alive.
Whats truly amazing is that I enjoy this life today, and when I was still using, I hated the idea of sobriety. I could not picture myself having fun or being content with this life that I am now living. But somehow I transformed and it did happen.
In my own way, I do what I can to carry the message to other recovering addicts. Through full time work at a treatment center, and maintaining a recovery related website, I would say that Ive got my hands full. It feels good to stay involved in helping other people who are trying to recover.
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Scot — I’m just like you, but 45. Been getting drunk at home pretty much every night since I was 20 and no one is the wiser. I’m a good actor, seem sober, work out pretty much daily, good earner, manage the bottles, do community work and seem like a great dad. Alcoholism runs in my family, too, sort of a trademark which makes it easier to be one. Just a family tradition. But I’m ashamed that I’ve become this thing, and the fun went out of it decades ago. It owns my mind and thank god no one can read minds (or perhaps I wish they could, so they could see me for what I am). Hard enough to admit it to myself, as I am now, and finding this site was a god send. Thank you Patrick for creating this. Scot, you talk about first moves — my hardest one, today, will be telling my wife that I am what I am and as i write this I’m so ashamed tears are welling up. As you say, the effect on family is there for sure even if it doesn’t come in the form of a violent alcoholic. I calculated the number of drinks I’ve likely had in my life — got about 50,000. 50,000 shots of poison that will widow my wife, make my child fatherless when I die of one or more of the many things the poison makes possible. Gotta look forward, not back, and i know this is going to be hard. But maybe being sober will be so unusual that it’ll be a like a new high. I know it won’t feel that way for a long time. Maybe ever. Hang in. I’m out here somewhere feeling like you do.
Pat,
I found your website on January 3, 2011. Since then I went to rehab and have been sober since Jan 5. I want to say thanks you helped me a lot an I am glad that I found this site. My montra for the first three weeks was “I wont have a drink today, no matter what”. I still say it all the time.
Thanks!
Well that is awesome, Tom! Way to go! Very excited for you, that you found a path of success….
Hi Patrick,
Thank you for your website and sharing your testimony. It is a blessing to both sides of the fence: addicts and those trying to help them. I have been stressing out on how to help an acquaintance addicted to alcohol and drugs for several years. I struggled between feeling guilty not helping her and not enabling her, especially when she becomes homeless after being in and out of homes, shelters, jails, etc due to her drinking. I am afraid to answer the phone fearing it is her demanding attention/help. But your comments on Spiritual River confirmed that I do not need to feel guilty. I can “help” her more by keeping my distance and suggesting how she can help herself, while continually praying for her to take that crucial step. Spiritual River is like attending Al-Anon meeting. :-)
May God continue to bless you and your outreach and use your past bad experiences for good to help others. Stay strong by God’s grace. “In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Romans 8:37
You are such a wonderful human being with rich exerience with drugs life and out of drugs.A good example to millions.
May God bless you. “Behold I bring it health and cure,and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth”Jeremiah 33:6
Hi Patrick,
I read your comment on Marijuana being a “soft drug”. Do you think it is a gateway to hard drugs and/or alcoholism? What do you think about MJ being used for medicinal purposes?
@ Pam – I believe MJ is actually decent medicine. I would not want anyone to be deprived of it for medical purposes, if that is their choice.
I just know for me, if I tried to use it as medicine, it would lead me back to alcohol and cocaine. I know this, because I tried the MJ maintenance program once after leaving rehab. It led me back to other drugs.
Whatever works for you, go with it!
Hi Patrick
Firstly greeting from South Africa!
Thank you for your work, I am learning plenty of good from your writing and look forward to many dry years ahead.
Hello,
This is the first day in 10 years that I am ready to tackle my alcohol addiction. Your site popped up when I was looking for resources, and as someone said in an earlier post, it’s as though the universe tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Here’s some help.” I can barely type through my tears, but I suspect there will be much more of that ahead.
Keep me in your thoughts.
Patrick you are a very gifted, wise man.
This is one of the most helpful resources that I have read on recovery. I, like the two individuals above, did not reach the level of pain needed with my drinking until I was in my 40′s. The part you write about the time of surrender is so helpful. I like that you explain how every addict’s moment of surrender is different. The rock bottom thing got to me for a while, because again, I like the individuals above, still functioned rather well in most areas of my life. I am so thankful that I reached a point of realizing that the alcohol was no longer working–like you I think that this realization may be divine inspiration. The piece that you do about perceived benefits of continuing to drink is excellent also. Maybe this explains why people who have been in recovery for many years relapse. This is where AA/NA helps. People may forget their pain and start to think about perceived benefits if they don’t attend meetings. I so agree with you that recovery is an indvidual thing which should be tailored to one’s needs. I like the holistic stuff also. You do a fine job explaining about how all this fits together in the progression of recovery. I hope you continue with your work for a long time, because I intend to refer to your website often.
i disagree with anyone who asks for your credentials. i have been through recovery a few times and it only worked when i found a counselor who had been through recovery as well. drug addiction is not brain surgery- you cannot learn about it without having gone through it yourself. you cannot teach others without knowing the agony of withdrawal and the pain and fear of losing everything you hold dear. ‘don’t try to describe the ocean if you’ve never seen it’
I am glad I found your site. I will be returning on a regular basis for inspiration to stay sober. I think this will help me greatly. Thank you.
Hello all. I found this site when I googled how to stay sober, or something like that. I used marijuana daily and binge drank for the last 17 years. I am 34 years old, and I have been clean since March 7, 2011. I completed sixty days in a spiritual-based recovery center, and have never been happier than I am today. I was in denial for many years, and used my accomplishments to bolster my theory that “I don’t have a problem,” but I knew deep inside I did. I absolutely hated being sober most of the time and thought I needed to prop myself up to get anything done. The nights when I didn’t know where tomorrow’s high was coming from were the worst. Bottom line: I worshiped mind-altering substances and the way they made me feel about myself.
I know I’m still relatively early on in this sober life, but I never thought I would make it this far. I have two points to make before I sign off. First, if you know deep inside yourself that chemicals control you you might as well admit your problem. Don’t believe your own B.S.–it will either kill you or make you waste a lot of years. Secondly, YOU CAN DO IT! Check in somewhere and get the help you need, but it will only work if you want to be sober and believe you can.
I’ve learned not to make promises I may not keep, but I would like to check in and maybe write more as my personal journey continues. Today is a victory, and tomorrow is a battle. Keep your heads up.
Wow! I stumbled on this site looking for guidence on dealing with my destructive, drinking “boyfriend”. I’m adding it to my favorites list right now. I’m 45, and have been drinking and smoking “medical” marijuana for 32 years now. I think about sobering up all the time…Thank you for creating a space to express and share honesty. I appreciate the motivation that comes from reading alike stories. Peace
Patrick,
First of all, thank you for this site! What a wonderful tool and inspiration for anyone looking to make a better life for themselves. And congratulations to you for finding sobriety and enjoying it for several years! I commend anyone who has the motivation to even take Step 1 – keep trying, you are absolutely worth the fight!!
My dad passed away 20 years ago (I was 9). My mom started drinking the day of the funeral and continued throughout the rest of her life. I am the third child of four (although the first two had already moved out when my dad died), so I assumed the caregiver/peacemaker role. I began to finally recognize my own unhappiness and that my focus was always on what Mom was doing, so I started going to Al-Anon meetings about 5 years ago, and continued for about a year. I learned a lot of what your site offers at those meetings, but unfortunately, I misinterpreted what I was hearing, and I wasn’t ready to really put it into practice (much like an addict that commits to the program, and doesn’t follow through with ACTION). The last time I confronted my mom about her drinking, I had completely forgotten the person she used to be. I could only remember the drunk, angry, hurt, and hurtful person. Instead of detaching the disease from my mother, I detached MYSELF from HER. I told her how I felt, but continued to keep the focus on her.
My mom passed away in January. Still drinking… in fact, the alcohol had a lot to do with why she died. The only thing I was successful in was creating a rift between my mom and myself before she passed away. I am now revisiting my Al-Anon books and practices in a totally different light. My life has become unmanageable because my addiction is preoccupying my mind with things that are completely inconsequential in my life. (I actually found your site by Googling, “fighting complacency.”) My mom is gone, so I can’t blame her anymore! I am now committing myself to the program – not to change my mom, which was most definitely my reason and goal in the past – but to take care of myself and my family, in memory of Mom and the life I wish she’d have been able to have experienced after Dad’s passing.
Keep doing what you’re doing – you have a wonderful gift and are reaching more than “just alcoholics!”
Tried to register,however apparently don’t have enough sense. I don’t know how I’ve practiced law the last 40 years. Guess I’m getting old and weak minded. THOUGHT AND HAVE BEEN TOLD SITE IS REALLY GOOD. OH WELL
Hey im addicted to pain killers im 27 ive been taking them since 19 and its only getting worse ive got 3 kids and a wife that I love so much its 3: 00 in the mourning and I cant sleep cause I needed another one I’m so so tired of this ive tried to get off them but I half to work and don’t think I can mange without them cause I heart and withdraw so bad don’t know what to do its killing me and my wallet.
Thanks Patrick, i quit in Jan 2011, and managed 4months before a relapse, now I am abstinent again and use your website again for structure tips, never glorifying alcohol, embracing positive thinking and gratitude, now with more insight. I am 50 and smoking, drinking and drugs have played a major role in my daily life for over 30 years. Now I am enjoying cleaning up, day by day, using your tips on using action to turn around, setting goals, with a clear set of instructions, but doing something. And the tips on exersice and sleep are great. Keep it clean, peace.
I am impressed and moved by the article Patrick wrote. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your efforts, thoughts, and I hope that you can engage a forum soon. If you do, please don’t forget to invite me. Thanks.
Ken
don’t know what to say, really, except that I am really tired of drinking, and I know that tomorrow will bring a day that I forget that I have a problem with it. I have been thinking that a treatment center for this disease is gonna be my only way out. reading this web page has been an eye opener, but I’m still stuck
Patrick;
I want to say thank you for simply being who you are. I am 54 and have been sober since 1999. On October 22, 2011 I will have earned my AS in psychology. I am then going to continue my BA. My dream is for one day to open a facility where all whom work there are recovering addicts. There are so many who fall through the cracks and give up due to not feeling truly understood. Recovery is tough, and it is very hard to open up to a person whom asks you to open up to them, and when you finally do they tell you that you are wrong for feeling that way.
I am wanting to start a website so I can help some with positive thoughts. I believe in helping all those whom suffer whether they can afford it or not. I believe there is enough of us out there to keep it going strong and finally give more people the chance to hear what they need to hear: they are loved and cared for from many they do not know. Many, like myself believe every one of you that has posted can succeed. I need you! I want you to join me in beating addiction and begin the long road of fighting for the help so many want and need. I used to think my life was full of curses, today I feel I was blessed to learn the depths of addictions.
I hope someone finds that maybe I can help out with something today as I finish my schooling. My 32 year old brother was found nearly frozen on the streets of Boston in 1992. He passed away three days later as I held him as close to me as I could. My dad died of alcoholism when he was 49 in 1978, my mom passed away in 1989 from cancer. I lived chemo with her to the end, but due to my addictions I was left with guilt as I really messed up in the end. In April of 1999 my best friend, my rock, dropped dead at my feet. That following month of May I stood and spoke as I accepted my first year sobriety. I had made it!
I am filled with much love to share. I judge no one. I am willing to move to any state that I find I will help out the most. I hope to do some speaking, along with some writing. For now I am concentrating on a degree that will allow me to do what I believe I was meant to do. Help others find their true beauty inside and out. You are all worth saving from this horrible disease.
If someone knows what the best thing I can do to start a web page for those who need to talk to someone. I am even willing to talk on the phone. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens both good and bad. I think I was meant to fall into addiction to learn insight from my journey to help more people. Please get the help you need an think about looking me up when sober to possibly join me in the fight to bring addiction to the forfront, and not continue to let it stay on the back burner. You are worth so much more than you know.
None of you have to feel alone. We are waiting for you. Do not give up this fight. I have faith in you. Thank you all who have also dedicated their lives for this cause. You are all angels.
Hey Patrick,
I feel like I am living an elaborate dream, it centers around that evil drug, crack.
I am not supposed to be here.
My time was up in November of 2000, instead I stayed in the hospital 6 years with no pain. I was diagnosed with an extremely rare disease called a.d.e.m.
I baffled teams of medical doctors. I had a virus.
I can’t talk,I live my life in a wheel chair, I lost all my basic functions. I have a creative mind and a sweet cat,lemon and 2 very special crack addicts in my life.
My brother n my best friend.
I am here to make sure they attain success in this so called life.
But they made themselves scarce.
I am worried about them!
Ed (fake name) toron (fake name)
My situation is identical to yours. 42 and basically get loaded each night before dinner for last 20 years. Putting an end to it and this site is helping. Let me know if you want to connect for support.
Just read your article Patrick. You’re quite an inspiration and thank you for taking the time to share story.
Roy
Hello….. I have never been to a recovery program. At 51 years of age I have conquered most of my addictions. But last nite I realized, alcohol is a crutch I have cli.nged to for years. Im in jeopardy of losing my family.Even though my wife says I don’t care, I DO!! I am a functioning drunk and ready,willing and able to be sober. Though I don’t drink every day, my drinking has become cumbersome to my wife. It is starting to affect my memory.I realize I must quit for ME, but I really want to stay with my family.The wife has had enough and has booted me out of our home,Love your approach and need inspiration…..thanks MIKE
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